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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.12234479 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

How much muscle is too much muscle?

At what point do you start to blur the lines between reality and idealized fiction when imagining your barbarian character's build?

I always heard it said that Conan was meant to be much leaner than how he was portrayed in the movies by Arnold.

Is the human obsession with these "heroic" comic book figures causing us to create characters that are more like caricatures?

Just what would a REAL fighter look like, anyway?

>> No.12234493

It doesn't matter.

>> No.12234509

>Is the human obsession with these "heroic" comic book figures causing us to create characters that are more like caricatures?
This is an RPG board.
In RPG's you create Archetypes.
This is not too dissimilar to the literary concept of the archetype either.
And we've been doing it - as a species - since Thrudd Story Teller sat at camp fire to tell story.

>> No.12234524

think gladiators, bro. they were actually kind of fat. but it was a special kind of fat that they deliberately built up via special diet, as it helped protect from slash wounds.

>> No.12234540

True, of course. But this isn't a thread about archtypes... it's a thread asking if this is a more likely appearance for a warrior than what we've come to expect BECAUSE of archtypes.

>> No.12234565

I remember seeing this one image that showed the difference between the build of a bodybuilder and an actual weight lifter. I generally have my high STR characters be built like really tall dwarves. Dense as fuck muscle, not bulging or ripped.

>> No.12234619

>this is a thread about whether the way you imagine your fictional character looks meets my approval or not

>> No.12234647

It's basically this, "body builders" have to do that on purpose.


It develops different muscles that might not actually be necessary for field work.

>> No.12234652

I think you're seeing insults where there are none.

>> No.12234666

One example of a 'fighter' type

>> No.12234691


Psh. What kind of a wuss wears pants.

>> No.12234728


This is the best pound for pound fighter in the world right now. I know /tg/ doesn't really follow mixed martial arts, but I do.

As you can see, he is not very muscular at all. In fact he is very lean, and just looks like a regular athletic guy. The reason he is so good is because of his timing and accuracy.

>> No.12234738

As far as actual strength goes, I wouldn't force -4 on players.

When it comes to muscle mass, well, I'd be a little freaked out if one of my friends went into great detail about describing his female characters ripped toned body.

And for that alone, I eschew it. Eschew the muscle girl, /tg/, for even if your intentions are different role playing experiences chances are many people will just trying to insert you fetish into the game.

>> No.12234752

>>12234738 Eschew the muscle girl, /tg/


>> No.12234762

>chances are many people will just trying to insert you fetish into the game.
I can't write for shit. Pretend that makes sense.

I'm not about to turn this into a muscle girl dump, and I hope nobody does, but for a point of reference.

>> No.12234765

On the other hand, this guy is the current Heavyweight champion. While nowhere near as skilled as most of the other heavyweights, he has been able to dominate everyone using only his size and power.

So basically, muscle is not a huge factor in a fight, but overall size certainly can be.

>> No.12234771


Or you could go with this, a not so athletic looking guy, yet he hits like a truck and has great stamina.

>> No.12234775

Here is a purdy pikchurr. I hope you enjoy.

>> No.12234786

Is that the "Son I am disappoint" dude? Looks like him.

>> No.12234789


>> No.12234798



>> No.12234800


True true. Part of the reason he has great stamina is because he is much smaller than many of the other heavyweights. He walks around at around 230 lbs I think, while the maximum weight for heavyweights is 265 lbs. Brock Lesnar usually walks around at over 300 lbs.

Having huge muscles means your body will burn up energy much much faster, and you will also build up huge amounts of lactic acid very quickly. So sometimes muscles can even be a disadvantage when it comes to endurance.

>> No.12234806

>mfw not GSP.

>> No.12234816


Trust me, people will just think you're masturbating under the table. They just can't appreciate it when you try a new and interesting character concept.

No matter how often you reiterate "So what if she looks like she's smuggling cannonballs in her biceps, that's my character guys!" They world is just not ready for my crazy steroid abusing 6"4 Russian female officer stereotypes.

>> No.12234821

But we use random rolls on most of our character generation. I can't help if I occasionally roll my fetish.

>> No.12234825

I was looking for that picture.

>> No.12234833


Hey man, even though I said Anderson is the best pfp, GSP is definitely my fav. Canada represent!

It is debatable though. They've never fought so we can't say for sure.

>> No.12234836

That it can be.

>> No.12234859


I knew a girl in school who was homophobic as all get out, but she looked like a fucking butch-dyke. Her body went from a lithe six-pack to a beer keg in a matter of a few years, and her thighs were gigantic. Her chest was tiny and sagging (barf) ad her jaw grew pretty damned large. Nice and all, but she bulked up from field hockey and soccer into some kind of human auroch.

>> No.12234881

That's a female. Base modifier is -4 STR anyway.

>> No.12234916

>Just what would a REAL fighter look like, anyway?
no cut muscles, strong legs, broad shoulders, a decent amount of body fat [not obese or anything, but there'd be fat on him], hands/palms are rugged as fuck

>> No.12234923


that is the single most useful picture I have ever seen as a reference for drawing

>> No.12234946

holy shit

now, roleplaying a MMA dorf fighter that is alcoholic and he wants to take his heavy weight title again

he must fight a very huge muscular roided elf with bipolar problems

also, Dana is a warlock

>> No.12234948

He'd probably have a thick as fuck torso, to prevent spinal damage from lifting heavy things... and likely thick neck into broad shoulders, not to mention big legs. He might not be 'fat' (although chances are he'd be packing around 20-30lbs of extra weight, as that would be healthy for a big guy like him) but every thing about him would say 'big'.

Think 'big fucker who works on the docks, put into armor and given a weapon' or 'big fucker who lives up in the mountains put in armor and given a weapon'.

>> No.12234956


>>12234565 here. This is the image I was talking about. Thanks.

>> No.12234966

So what do you do if someone just describes their female character as "muscular"?

Also the woman in your pic isn't that big. Looks pretty natural to me.

>> No.12234982

Is there one for women?

>> No.12234989

Fedor is the best pound for pound fighter in the world, many top competitors agree.

>> No.12235003

My current character survives mainly on beer and drugs, so he's kind of like Tyler Durden if he lost the muscle definition. He also has a mullet.

I've never played as a Bloodpouch tier slab of muscle, though I kind of want to...

>> No.12235006

Hey, /fit/ here. This man isn't a fighter, he is however, a heroicly powerful man. His name is Matt Kroczaleski, former marine, powerlifter, has squatted a thousand pounds. He's what I imagine someone like Conan or a Spartan, or a Space Marine would look like.

>> No.12235013

That right there in your image is too much muscle, especially for a woman.

This is the appropriate ammount.

>> No.12235014


and back

>> No.12235015

No. This is my character.

Suck it.

>> No.12235028

This is Dave Gulledge, again, not a fighter, but an American powerlifter.


>> No.12235031

these bring up a good point: the super powerful fighter type doesn't have to make weight, so they are probably going to be huge

>> No.12235036


>> No.12235043


You know what that means right?

>> No.12235047

This here is Louis Cyr, one of if not THE strongest man ever born in Canada.

>> No.12235059


Is that him down in the left corner?

>> No.12235060


>> No.12235067

Wow. So he worked out to the point that he became a city?

>> No.12235081

rolled 3, 18 = 21


Holy shit he has reached critical musclemass.

Fucker has become a muscletropolis, a city composed of muscle and hatred, flexing towards the common goal of SQUATTING THE EARTH

>> No.12235087

huh, I always imagined Canada being greener. got any where he is bigger?

lol captcha

>> No.12235090


Sure, lots of people think that, but let's be honest. The quality of opponents he has fought is very low, compared to Anderson who has fought a who's who of fighters in the UFC. He may very well be, but at this point it's kind of silly to say that because there's very little evidence to base that claim on.

>> No.12235098

fucking capcha forgot pic

>> No.12235100

well shit, that's really weird, that wasn't the picture I uploaded. Hold on a sec.....

>> No.12235102

That looks like a terrain picture, not a person.

Yeah, that's a very good point to mention too, these guys don't have to make weight at all... and if you've ever seen the diet of a 'strongman' type, they eat a lot.

Despite its disconnect with reality, Baki the Grappler brought up a point that I quite like "You sit two strong people across the table from each other and the one who wins in a fight will *always* be the one who can eat the most".

>> No.12235110


No, he's just an Alchemical.

>> No.12235124

if you think about "real" traditional martial arts, they don t look like an athletic pro fighter

some old japanese karate master (>50), they look kinda chubby but they are strong and have hands harder than any worker you could imagine

but also, they are hitting things almost everday. If you hit something for hours everyday, you will make your hands hard as steel

>> No.12235129

I got the picture I wanted to upload...

>> No.12235136

ok, here we go, he's the guy in the middle there, between the horses

>> No.12235154

statue of him

>> No.12235164


>> No.12235174

And this is what he would look like if he lived in Greyhawk.

>> No.12235175

>hit something for hours everyday

Domestic Violence: Get a workout and harden your fists, all while proving your manhood to that ungrateful whore.

>> No.12235176

They tend to have super 'thick' fingers that look like sausages and are so heavily calloused that they could probably handle barbed wire without gloves.

They do *insane* stuff to kill nerves in their hands, and the sheer grip strength they've got in those hands... I wouldn't be surprised if they could crush someones shoulder, break bones in a handshake or legitimately crush a human skull.

>> No.12235206

Yeah the sausage fingers are definitely real.

>> No.12235217

An ancient warrior wouldn't have bodybuilding muscles. He'd look like an athlete.

>> No.12235230

Hitting soft things does nothing for their hands, unless they have rock golems for wives there would be no point to hitting their wives (unless its to instruct them of their proper place).

They go out and slap the shit out of rocks, or roll together a whole bunch of bamboo stalks and tie them tight then punch their open hands through them.

I remember watching a documentary where some 70 year old karate-ka was talking about how he remembered having a huge uncut rough stone in every village, and youths were encouraged to go and punch and hit the stone to toughen up their hands, kill nerves and develop callouses... He said that he thought it was quite strange that they no longer have stones like these for youths to toughen their hands on.

>> No.12235233

ITT: people forget about an Indian wrestler known as The Great Gama, the only professional wrestler in the world to go undefeated his whole career (about fifty years), who would regular challenge fighters from other disciplines (and was usually, respectfully, turned down).

For funsies he would do thousands (yes, thousands) of squats a day with a stone circle weighing about 210 pounds around his shoulders.

>> No.12235236


>> No.12235270

There's a traditional reason for this, actually. The Japanese used to believe that the center of the human soul was in the stomach, so to be a "big-bellied" man meant you were courageous and of strong character.

A lifetime of breathing by pushing the diaphragm down, extending the stomach, didn't hurt either.

>> No.12235292

I've seen videos of guys crushing coconuts with their bare hands. Apparently a coconut is pretty similar to a skull.

>> No.12235313



a halfing and a dorf

>> No.12235314


coconut is four times harder than a human skull, IIRC.

>> No.12235315

Slightly harder than the skull, if I remember correctly.

>> No.12235328

>coconuts are harder than human skulls-mind

>> No.12235330


>> No.12235348



>> No.12235362

Jesus christ in heaven this makes my penis feel funny. I think I just developed a fetish for gloves.

>> No.12235375

dude what
Her proportions are all weird. She looks like an Elvaan.

>> No.12235386


mai waifu

>> No.12235394

They really aren't. You do realize that her hips are facing one way and that her shoulders are facing another, right?

>> No.12235409

She is unbelievably attractive to me. I think this picture just shattered my perception of beauty. I will find this girl and marry her or I will die alone.

>> No.12235420

I know that, but something about her body just seems *off*. Like, something's too long or too short or something.

>> No.12235429


>> No.12235435

sometimes raw strenght can be deffinitybe to win a fight

but technice is important.

if you are big motherfucker, muscular and know how to fight. you will conquer the world

>> No.12235439

Fair enough. Godspeed, anon. Godspeed.

>captcha: quandaries adeports
Just watch out if you have to take a boat or a plane or something to reach her. Captcha foresees trouble at the ports.

>> No.12235446

She's got round, broad shoulders that might be throwing you off - but to me, she just looks exceptional. Honestly, that woman makes me jealous.

But I'm also a girl who lifts weights, so I'm probably not a good judge of whether or not a muscular woman looks attractive to a man.

>> No.12235454

What the fuck. Are you 8 years old or something? Come back when you learn to spell, asshole.

>> No.12235464

Men are attracted to either curves or tight athletic perportions. That girl is anything but soft but everything else looks daaaayum tasty. If you work out and have a decently pretty face you'll drive men off their rocker more then likely.

>> No.12235475

good chance that english isn't his native language... or he's retarded. Or both, like chink (god I miss chink and his shitscribbles)

>> No.12235476

>you are now aware that a 5 year old Nigerian child can kill the most athletic skilled fighter who has trained their entire life

>> No.12235489

Could have something to do with their automatic weapon.

They are still shit compared to a real soldier.

>> No.12235502


what attracts me in a woman is whether or not she dyes her hair with the blood of her enemies.

>> No.12235503

Sure... they *can*, if they get the chance... they most likely won't due to being stuck in nigeria. The good gunfighters are trained to be sneaky as fuck too.

And you're comparing a fistfighter to a kid with a gun, even without the guns a kid with a knife could do some decent damage.

>> No.12235525

No, I just just making sure that anyone who thinks they are hot shit or obsess about how they've learned some kind of CQC training can and will be easily killed by a person with little or no training with a firearm.

>> No.12235528

The only other picture I have of her.

Take this, anon, may it guide you in your quest.

>> No.12235547

Now I look at that picture, she looks really pissed off.

Why did I even have that in my fap folder?

>> No.12235552

Depends on the range, with no training and no familiarity a person with a gun will probably have issues hitting anything beyond 30 feet or so with any accuracy, not to mention they can be as dangerous to themselves with the gun as they can be to anyone else.

Also highly dependent on situation too, at 3 feet away the big fistfighter is likely as dangerous as the person with the gun and they're both about as dangerous as a person with a knife.

Guns are fairly straightforward and user friendly, but they don't exactly function like you're behind the wheels of an fps game.

>> No.12235557

This thread needs some Pudzianowski.

Five time World's Strongest Man.

>> No.12235564

same face is the same

>> No.12235568

Nice muffintop, fatass.

>> No.12235578

>> No.12235604

Come at me bro.

>> No.12235626

You can barely lift those, pussy. Lay off the cupcakes, lard-o.

>> No.12235640


I've lifted yo mamma, and she weighs much more than those things.

>> No.12235732

You mean this pic?

>> No.12235796

Thank you kind anon. I set off tomorrow with $2,342 in cash, and air plane ticket, and a dream for ever lasting peace.

Also to this anon. I live in North Dakota and child as young as 10 know how to load, operate, fire and clean rifles. And I can say safely that any illusion that someone may hold about any kind of body build and training verses a firearm is misplaced. Guns are infamously easy to use and unless the wielder is looking down the barrel presents little in the way of personal danger.

It is teh exact same reason a peasant army of 50 archers could take down entire calvary charges and formations of trained from birth knights and sword fighters. The guy who can put a 2 in deep hole in within a given area of 90% of your body will win. Takes very little force to kill a man. But it takes a hell of a beating to end a life unless you are snapping necks.

>> No.12235837

Oh, I have lots of her.

>> No.12235842

>Mariusz Pudzianowski.

That guy can deadlift and walk 800+lbs.

I always laugh my ass off when those competitions are in ESPN. The absurdity of it all.

>> No.12235871

So north dakota = everywhere in the world now?

Yes, guns are easy to use, does that mean everyone knows how to use them with proficiency?

I imagine if we took a census of every child 11 or younger in north dakota with the knowledge of how to use firearms *with proficiency* we'd probably come in with less than 15% having an operating knowledge, and even less than that being *skilled* in use and maintenance. These things are easy to learn and be trained in, but the assumption that everyone can pick up a gun and be a crackshot with it is fucking silly.

Skewing numbers in your favor doesn't support your argument. Nor is assuming that firearms are *incredibly* easy to acquire (of course you're an ignorant fuck who lives in the states which has incredibly lax gun laws compared to most of the world).

>> No.12235883


Well fuck me silly. Here comes my blood fetish again.

>> No.12235886


>> No.12235890

Here's the thing, if you look at movies like Troy and Prince of Persia, guys have to be buff enough to be mean and tough, but still light enough to be fast.

A guy I worked with was 5'10" and 280; he could bench 400 and his best deadlift was 820. I weigh about 155 and could probably bench my weight. I lift 97 pound keystone blocks and build engineer'd retaining walls all day. Fifty on a skid, and I can usually knock off a skid an hour until lunch (so six hours). There's bigger guys than me on the crew, but they can't keep up for a full shift.

>> No.12235898


>> No.12235901

You're not implying that you have already taken this man's waifu, have you?

>> No.12235906


>> No.12235909

We went this long without devolving into a muscle girl dump. Why'd you have to fuck it up?

>> No.12235916


>> No.12235934

not cropping, deal with it. 5'8", 42" chest, 155lbs. Sorry about the butt-shot.

>issue, rowals
Tell 'em, captcha!

>> No.12235939

Believe me, women who lift weights are attractive to men.

>> No.12235954

lol forgot pic

>> No.12235971

Every single one of these is going into my fap folder. Delicious Army fit chests!

>> No.12235991

>He has a fap folder!

>> No.12235993

athletic muscle > bulk muscle

>> No.12236006


It depends on the man. I personally find it vaguely unattractive as I prefer my wimmins soft and cuddly, not hard and capable of beating me up.

To each his own, though. I wish /tg/ remembered that more often.

>> No.12236030


Same here. I'm significantly turned off by strong women. Fit women are cool, but I still require that good old womanly softness.

>> No.12236041

Muscle is nice but I like my women stretchy.

>> No.12236050


Same here. Especially in the upper torso area if you get my meaning.

>> No.12236052


>> No.12236058

That's not hot, that's fucking disturbing.

>> No.12236059


But...do you have a NAME????

>>12236006 To each his own, though. I wish /tg/ remembered that more often.

You're not allowed to have your own opinion here, you've been reported to Moot, he'll be sending the "re-education" squad to your house shortly.

>> No.12236097


Amen. I myself am hard for a woman who CAN actually beat me up.

>>perard identity

Are you suggesting that we're the same, Captchan?

>> No.12236106

I find myself leaning towards the two extremes.

It's odd.

>> No.12236123

That's got to hurt.

Here, hold still. I'll split you in half. Trust me, it'll hurt less that way.

>> No.12236128

Here's the thing about weightlifting as a woman. For me, it has shit all to do with whether or not men find it attractive - and everything to do with my ability to not die at work.

I'm in law enforcement. If I'm not able to wrestle a man with a knife or a gun to the ground, there's a good chance of my getting sliced open and dieing. Better yet: 1) don't get into dangerous situations when you don't have to and 2) be threatening and capable enough LOOKING that no one even tries.

I figure for fantasy warrior women types, looking sexy is probably secondary as well.

Some guys like it, some guys don't. It doesn't really matter. I can find someone who doesn't think I'm disgusting (and most people don't), but I'm not having sex with anything if I'm dead.

>> No.12236186


Oh certainly, you should base your choices on your life and what is good for you. I was just commenting on the topic of discussion.

>> No.12236216

Oh yeah, well. It's the same as anything else. Some girls like tall guys, some girls don't care.

Some men prefer blondes. Whatever. Skinny, fat, muscular, soft - meh. Personal tastes. No big deal.

>> No.12236231

Hell, the closest thing we've got to an anonymously made decision is young vs old.

Hint: Saggy boobs didn't get any votes

>> No.12236239

>the two extremes
So you like roidraging she-hulks with clit-dicks and morbidly obese land whales?

>> No.12236255

In proper taste fitting for an elegan/tg/entlemen, I will point out the possibility for a necrophiliac joke at this point and imply that anyone thinking about making such a joke would be in poor taste all while trying to keep from making the joke myself.

>> No.12236262

Don't feel bad. I thought the same thing when I wrote it.

>> No.12236267

girls that are good at yoga are god tier

>> No.12236294

More along the abstract lines of soft vulnerability and frightening competence at kicking my ass than concrete body types.

Though given the fanart tg related material inspires, I wouldn't be too surprised if someone had this taste.

>> No.12236302

They would be, if we couldn't see their ribs.

Now, busting serving wenches on the other hand......

>> No.12236317

Seeing a pubic mound an inch higher than any other part of the attached body is kind of freaky.

>> No.12236324

Well, that's a relief.

>> No.12236325

Hida Kisada likes him some long, raaangy buttocks.

>> No.12236337

Oh, yeah.

Her name's Heidi. Heidi Vuorela.

>> No.12236338

Personally, I find athletic women > Strong women
They can train all they want... But once they cross the line from Leanstrong to Builtstrong I find them less beautiful, Especially if they loose all their body-fat in the process.

>> No.12236358

Truth be told, that's probably the line for most men.

You listening, ca/tg/irls?

>> No.12236371

That's funny, because I like muscular men with nice hair, brooding eyes and big cocks who treat me with respect.

You listening, fa/tg/uys?

>> No.12236372


>Implying that ca/tg/irls will change because of your statement

oh you.

>> No.12236387

Define 'nice hair'.

>> No.12236389


brooding eyes?

>> No.12236392

You want each of your men to have multiple large cocks?

>> No.12236396

I'm all of these things and yes my gf loves it. However I have turned her into a sex obsessed nut that wets herself everytime i look at her.

>> No.12236401

prefer athletic women too

170cm or taller and athletic is very attractive

>> No.12236408

>nice hair
>brooding eyes that may or may not hail from Innsmouth
>respect in the form of passive aggressiveness

Two and a half out of five. Alright.

>> No.12236410

Thick, soft, not greasy. Cut appropriate for facial shape.


Sure, why not? I'll try anything once. Twice if you're lucky.

>> No.12236412


That sounds reasonable.

>> No.12236416

>Sure, why not?
Well, I mean...

Where would they keep them all?

>> No.12236419


I should have been more clear.

brooding.... eyes?!?!?!


>> No.12236425

That's their problem, not mine.

>> No.12236426


I imagine in a chicken coop.

>> No.12236434

>big cocks
Now that's just not fair, anon. You'll take my prick and you'll damn well like it.

>> No.12236435

I don't understand why you think eyes can't be described as brooding.

>> No.12236439

doesn't already count as twice since....you know......or are you letting him dp you or something?

>> No.12236440

I heard, motherfucker had, like...

thirty goddamn dicks.

>> No.12236451


what are you..... um....


a demonman character?

enjoy the 11 cunts that goes with that.

>> No.12236458

Look, that's between me and my hypothetical lover. I'm not about to divulge anything that's going to make him uncomfortable. So you can just ask him if you're that curious.

>> No.12236463


Alright, that's me!

>> No.12236474

>what are you..... um....

Washington, Washington,
Six foot eight and weighs a fucking ton.

>> No.12236480


This is what shows up first when you search "brooding eyes."

>> No.12236488

I have scraggly hair, bad teeth, a beard that feasts on the flesh of orphans, and can fight a man half again my size since I'm not afraid to bite, gouge and strangle.

Got the brooding eyes, though.

DO I qualify?

>> No.12236491

That guy is totally "cock goes where"

This is proper, "Oh sweet Jesus, my panties - they must come off right the fuck now" brooding eyes.

>> No.12236492

Them looks more like crazy eyes to me.

>> No.12236505


>> No.12236506

He looks inbred or some shit.

>> No.12236507

...dem lips.

I'd go gay for him.

I'd even let him top.

>> No.12236508

How can I ask someone a question if they only exist hypothetically?

>> No.12236510

Huh. If you would bragged about your sausage in there, I would have suspected you were my boyfriend.

Are you my boyfriend?

Why are you on /tg/? You're supposed to be DMing.

>> No.12236513

I guess you ask them...

...a hypothetical question.

>> No.12236517

DEAL WITH IT, that's how.

>> No.12236527



>> No.12236533

Sum-bah-dee cawl for meeee?

>> No.12236535

Hambeast that only dates ugly fat guys confirmed.

>> No.12236546


>> No.12236560

Am I the only one that finds the thing in OP's pic oddly attractive?

>> No.12236564

All the best things in life are Heresy.

>> No.12236568

Nope. I've had scathing-hot boyfriends, but they treat you like garbage. Somewhere around my mid twenties I stopped being a bitch and realized that men should be appreciated for their personalities, not their looks.

Besides, how the fuck are you going to date someone who will make fun of you for roleplaying? Come the fuck on.

>> No.12236570



The face of your boyfriend?

>> No.12236582


>> No.12236586

For everything else, there's Mastercard.

>> No.12236596

Hahahahaha! I like this one.

But no.

>> No.12236611


'Cuz I was wondering if my clone got loose.


Just wonderin.

>> No.12236613


Is it just me, or does that dude look the same in both pics?

>> No.12236617


>> No.12236668

Why do you think I find it so funny?

I'm so old-looking, aging programs can't even make me older.

>Weak laughter


>> No.12236671

Because of your beard.

Shave your face.

>> No.12236689

You don't look that old. It's the beard, I think. Shave that thing off, big beards like that are ugly anyway.

>> No.12236701


That is a Beard of which to be proud!

Better advice would be to look up dwarven beard customs and follow them!

>> No.12236722


I'd have to agree. Most women I know say that my beard is as long as they'd like it.

Maybe you should style it or make it straighter? The curly/bushy route can ruin most good beards.

>> No.12236725


>Dwarven Beard customs.

That sounds awesome, but I have NO idea what you're talking about.


>> No.12236730

Grooming with pick-axes.

>> No.12236731

Prepare yourselves, children, for YOU are NEXT!

>slayont complaint,

>> No.12236743

Get rid of the red parts at least

>> No.12236746

No, fuck you, Tau. You already sterilized me. You're not taking my beard.

>> No.12236754


Things like the marrige braid, the beads and decorations for those who have mastered a craft.

The Double braid of a warrior! The Triple hannok braid that marks a scholar!

How do you NOT know these things?

>> No.12236766

This is about as large as I like, but even that is pushing things. Small goatees, or carefully trimmed decorative bits of facial hair can be attractive on the right face, but most facial hair is pretty ugly to my eyes.

>> No.12236794

I like facial hair.

But I don't like how the mustache part has a tendency to stab me in the fucking pussy.

>thicker silasuer
Captcha - Oh, you!

>> No.12236800

I should screenshot this to help get thhreads back on track when idiots let themselves get distracted because you are a girl.

Scare half of /tg/ right the fuck off.

>> No.12236802


Dude, weave a pair of iron rings into your moustache. The chicks will go crazy for you.

>> No.12236804


Look again. Your beard is now shaven.

Anything is possible when you roll with the Tau.

I'm in a battlesuit.

>which netifit

>> No.12236808

I'll do that.

I've even got some girls who'd be willing to do the weaving for me...

>> No.12236820

Lucky Bastard.

>> No.12236825

...ouch. Yea, I'd heard of couples having problems like that in the past. Not pleasent.

>> No.12236835


By the Emprah you nearly gave me heart palpitations.

>> No.12236842


That only happened to me when I had short, trimmed facial hair. If you let it grow out more, it becomes less like a thousand tiny needles.

>> No.12236855


We should actually WRITE all this shit down, about the beard customs.

It would make for great background fluff in most all games.

Also, if we start doing it in real life, you KNOW people are going to be confused when people start deferring to someone they've never met based solely on their beard.

>> No.12236860


...are you sure?

>quiconsp 4nued

>> No.12236877

Yeah, it's when it is short that it's stabby. The hairs are less rigid once they've grown out a bit. The thing is, I really like facial hair on men - but not when it's all ungainly and shitawful. so when deciding between facial hair/no facial hair, oral sex/no oral sex, I just option to suck it up and deal with the stabbing.

>> No.12236882

I know a Scottish anon who browses here who meets that description.

Want me to hook you up?

>> No.12236884

It will be the glorious cultural revolution.

>> No.12236907

Ask me three years ago. I'm happily spoken for now.

I'm sure someone like that won't have any trouble finding a nice nerdy girl to settle down with if he puts any effort into it.

>> No.12236912

So would Kane's goatee be an example of a good one?

I've always though he looked rather charming myself.

>> No.12236915

I wish.

Oh lord do I wish.

>> No.12236926


Dear Anon,

You shouldn't feel so bad about NOT looking really fucking terrible in 20 years.

The poor bastard that's supposed to look like this at 39.

>> No.12236937

Is that you, Scottanon? Cheer up. Here, have a picture of an adorable seal pup.

>> No.12236964

No, this is curlybeard an...

Oh god that is adorable.

I want to rip my heart out and cuddle it.

>> No.12236977

Kane is one of the few people able to carry a beard and still look damn sexy, IMO. But yea, if you're going to grow one, go for something like that. It's neat and tidy - it decorates the face, rather than a face being used to decorate a beard.

>> No.12236979

Ah good for you.

And he's already living with his two girls right now.

He's one of those weird 'honorable' people, feels bound to do things he says and uphold promises, he owes me a big favour now and would probably drop anything if I asked him to do something.

So I'm trying to find a way to use this to get the twin harpies who are sucking the life out of him out the picture and get a nice girl in there.

More than one way to skin a cat though, back to the drawing board.

>> No.12236984


Sure it looks cute now, but have you ever had one of those fuckers get angry at you? I still have the fucking scars.

Almost as bad as a fucking Koala Bear.

>> No.12236989

I could come and scare them off with MY disgusting beard and brooding eyes.

Not brooding as in "Mister Darcy, you're so handsome" but brooding as in "My god, that man intends to kill us all!"

>> No.12236995

That just makes me like it even more!

>> No.12236997

Man, if there were a competition in the animal kingdom for cuteness, the finals would include a Labrador puppy, an otter, and a baby seal. Maybe a bear cub too.

>> No.12236998


>masurted sec.

>> No.12237006


Turn him gay. They'll back off.

>> No.12237015


>implying women don't love gay guys

>> No.12237020


I'm certain to regret this, but are you the same Anon from last week?

What the shit is up with you and Koala bears?

>> No.12237029


>Implying I didn't mean for said concerned anon to turn him gay personally, keeping that awesome, bearded, nice-as-shit, huge-dicked hunk for himself.

>> No.12237041

He's bi sadly, we actually used to date, it's how I met him.

I've tried a bunch of stuff like that, they seem to realize that if they can out last the waves of creepy people they get to keep their cute money bag and just tough through it.

>> No.12237053


>> No.12237055

Now, see . . . God damn it, No! HAPPILY SPOKEN FOR.

>> No.12237066


Well, that shoots down my "Fuck him and Keep him" idea.
Have you tried finding them an even bigger moneybag, preferably a douche?

>> No.12237137


They're out to get me is my problem!

First honest attempt on my life when I went to the Zoo at the age of ten. Fucker was hiding in a trash can. I went up to toss in the wrapper from my snickers bar, foolishly assuming it was safe because I just saw someone else do the same.

How wrong I was.

The little bastard was on me the second the flap opened, reeking of cat-piss and stale coffee. shrieking like a banshee he was, claws and teeth digging into my forearm I saw the crazed look in his eye. I don't care what the zoo-keepers say, he wasn't scared.

He was out for blood.

I took one of the nearby display signs off of a counter and smacked him in the face with it. He was stunned, and i threw him off me.

Then - god's truth - he did something I thought no Koala capable of. He hit the wall of a shed, BACKFLIPPED off of it, and came for my face.

It was at this point I knew it was no gentleman's duel I was engaged in, but a dance with the devil himself.

Screaming a battle cry, wordless yet I'm told terrifying for a boy ten years of age, I deflected him and only lost a small part of my ear. It was then that one of the animal control people tagged him with a tranq-dart, freeing me from mortal combat.

On the plus side, or so I thought, free lifetime pass to the Zoo.

>> No.12237149

Yeah but I don't exactly know much in the way of rich guys.

The only two I know are both married and not as rich as he is.

My hope is to just find some nice girl/guy and just order him to dump the twins and date them, he'll hate me for it but he'd do it due to his whole 'honour' malarky and then I could stop worrying about him.

Main reason I dwell on this at all is because I introduced them to him in the first place, I feel like a bad friend letting them take advantage of him like they are, it's like their sucking his soul out or something, so sad and listless these days.

>> No.12237159

>He hit the wall of a shed, BACKFLIPPED off of it, and came for my face.

Haha, oh god, seriously?

>> No.12237177


>> No.12237192


I'm making a giant Koala my next BBEG that my players meet at level 1-3.

>> No.12237206



Please note that this is merely the first time a Koala has come for me.

Some attempts were closer than others, like that time they knocked me into the Tiger-pit.

Most people forget two things about the little bastards:

1) Things born in the bastard continent can kill like nothing else. It's the only way they can survive the outback.

2) They are a Koala BEAR. The latter being the operative word: all bears are fierce killers.

>> No.12237225

You sir are awesome and have made me laugh for the first time in 3 months, I thank you.

>is handsome

Did he used to trip when he posted here? This description sounds similar to one of our old resident writfag/tripfags called Arodisena and I was wondering where he had disappeared off to.

>> No.12237228





>> No.12237231

>like that time they knocked me into the Tiger-pit.

I feel bad for laughing so hard at someone else's pain, but christ, your life is starting to sound like a bad cartoon.

>> No.12237245


As someone who's had to enter the ring of honor with the Furred devils, I can tell you that such a thing would deprive them of their greatest strengths: the speed, and the small fucking target they present.

>> No.12237258

Yeah Koalas are hyperactive as fuck and quite jumpy naturally, the reason most people don't know this is the ones most often filmed are in captivity or in areas of the wild where there are eucalyptus trees, they eat that shit and it's pretty much drugs to them so when you see them all slow and nice it's just because they are high as shit.

>> No.12237267

Biologically; no.

Temperament and deadliness; Yes.

>> No.12237273


>> No.12237278


Dire Koala then?

>> No.12237286



>> No.12237295


It's actually more like an action movie written by someone with ADD.

I've only presented my Koala stories, there was also the time that my (now ex) girlfriend set me on fire and tried to run me down with her dad's SUV.

Or the time that I got jumped by a bunch of Hobos down by the Chicago railroad tracks for wearing a Seahawks jersey one moonless night.

Shit, I play games like CoC to relax.

>> No.12237298

You've got to remember some people just have god damn horrible luck/lives.

Do you know that thing that happens in cartoons where someone stand on a rake and it springs up and whacks them in the face?

I have a friend who has had that happen to him 72 times in the last 3 years just by walking through parks and fields and friends gardens.

>> No.12237317

I can top that with my brother.

52 rakes, 1 year, while living in New York fucking city.

I didn't even know they HAD rakes till he started getting hit in the face by them.

>> No.12237324


That's not bad luck, that's a faliure to learn.
After 71 times of it happening in the same type of enviroment, you think he'd know to watch where he's going, or at the very least dodge.

>> No.12237341

loling so hard I cannot breathe

>> No.12237342

>there was also the time that my (now ex) girlfriend set me on fire and tried to run me down with her dad's SUV.
>set me on fire
>tried to run me down

What the hell made her do that? Was she just crazy, or something?

I'll tell you what, though, this isn't half making me feel better about my own life, that's for sure.

>> No.12237363

>she actually believes what that 'tard is posting!

>> No.12237367

He was careful, and took strides to avoid those areas, but should he ever find himself where a rake might be, one would always appear just to hit him in the face.

Once in my own garden he was walking up to my door, notice a rake, stepped over it smugly dodging it.

Only to then stand on another rake and get hit in the face.

My family only owns one rake.

>> No.12237368


Holy shit dude.

How many times have you thrown down with Koalas?

>> No.12237404


Third party was involved.

Asshole made her think I was cheating on her.

She found out the truth later and apologized, I broke up with her because that is not an appropriate first response to suspected infidelity.


Directly? 8 times.

Indirectly (like the tiger pit)? About 20 I can think of off-hand.

Suspected? No idea. I might be getting a wee-bit paranoid.

>> No.12237433


Would you be at all insulted if i threw you in the back-ground of one of my games as comedic relief?

I find the idea of a man constantly fighting off Koala assailants, hobos, and crazy ex-s fucking hilarious.

>> No.12237534

I call bullshit, I want a picture of your half missing ear before I believe anything.

Do this and ill believe every word of it.

>> No.12237755


I don't really care if you believe me. I wasn't even going to talk about it, but that one anon's been pestering me. My camera's broken and it didn't take half of my ear anyway, only a small notch off the top.

What the hell is with captcha and spewing incomprehensible symbols recently? It's like trying to read Hieroglyphs.

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