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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.12151415 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Hey /tg/, how does someone become a tech priest?

>> No.12151431

Write Tech-Priest on your sheet in the Career Path field.

But seriously? Dark Heresy book explains a few possible answers. The summary is "A whole metric butt-ton of ways."

>> No.12151432

By selecting the techpriest class when making a character.

>recourse morinurn

>> No.12151440

Remove penis
Install USB adapter

>> No.12151444

You join the machine cult as an initiate and rise through ranks of neophyte/acoltye/etc until you are ordained as full tech priest.

>> No.12151455

>>12151431

>>12151431
Haha.

I just had someone tell me in order to be initated one had to preform their first augmentation without any outside help, was wondering if that's true.

>> No.12151471

Depends on where you're from.

You can be born to the cult, raised in it, and just go to a seminary-equivalent. You can pass a test to earn the right. You can be promoted up from your shitty menial rank in your Manufactorum. You can be given rank for your skills. You can live long enough to get named. You can just be born to a AdMech noble-family and get the rank out of tradition. You could fail out of some other AdMech thing (Collegia Militaris) and go to the clergy as a second-best. You could just feel like it. You could be stolen in the night from your home and forcibly inducted.

Lots of ways to get that grill on your face.

>> No.12151496

what if everyone was a techpriest?

>> No.12151506

>>12151471
Thanks.

But wait, born into an admech family? Something about how the admech reject humanity had me thinking they didn't procreate.

>> No.12151508

>>12151455
Sure. The thing is, with the size of the Imperium and the need for Tech-Priest (aka Engineers, Tech Support, Guy who works that machine doohikey), the rituals for recruitment and initiation are hardly homogeneous. Pick what you want.

>> No.12151514

>>12151496
THEN THE DRAGON WILL RISE FROM MARS

>> No.12151524

>>12151506
Rule 34 on AdMech. Nao.

>> No.12151535

>>12151508

Thanks again, /tg/. You never dissapoint.

>scoutch itself,

I don't think that's a way, captcha.

>> No.12151539

Procreation in the AdMech is probably something they hate doing, but they need to. Either that or they clone.

>> No.12151542

>>12151506
Not all of them are mechanically inclined. There's the Magos Biologis (spelling?), for example. They upgrade the flesh rather than replace it with machines.

Also, Admech can have kids just like anybody else, as long as they have the parts. They just tend not to.

>> No.12151556

>>12151506
Just because they try to shun humanity doesn't mean they SUCCEED. Despite their best tries, Adeptus Mechanicus members are still human.

Besides, it'd be impossible to keep their numbers up if they didn't spawn somehow, and cloning is hilariously heretical except in EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES.

>> No.12151581

>>12151496
...things would be better?

>> No.12151582

>>12151524
Sure.

>>12151539
This, too. They do more than slap machines with their dicks. They're ALL the sciences. Sociology, Psychology, Biology. Not just the mechanical sciences.

>> No.12151587

>>12151524

I'm all for this.

>>12151556

The Emps commited heresy.

>> No.12151597

>>12151587
>extreme circumstances
>The Emperor IS an extreme circumstance

Not to mention the guy actually knew what he was doing back then.

>> No.12151611

>>12151587
>Emps being heretical
HERESY!

>> No.12151620

>>12151587
Nothing he does is heresy. The God-Emperor cannot sin, you know that.

>> No.12151623

>>12151542

The Biologos aren't exactly common. Matter-of-fact, they're borderline heretical. At any rate, I can't imagine that Tech-Priests themselves actually reproduce all that often. I always imagined the Forge Worlds being a giant meritocracy, wherein all children born are placed under supervision and tested rigorously to determine what role they're best suited for in the Machine God's realm. Most will end up as helots, a few will get to understand a very limited few of the Machine God's secrets, and the best of the best are shunted into the priesthood. Individual Tech-Priests wouldn't need to reproduce because they form a minority on Forge Worlds. Furthermore, I'd imagine that the primary and secondary sexual characteristics would be among the first biological parts to get the axe, so to speak, given that in addition to worshiping the purity of machine, they're also priests and thus celibate.

>> No.12151638

>>12151611

who watches the watchmen amirite?

>> No.12151645

Cloning nowadays is heretical because of how much shit could go wrong and how bad it could. Look at Corax and Fabius Bile. Kriegers get an exception due to their loyalty and their brutality.

>> No.12151647

>>12151623
THIS is exactly how I see/saw it, so every time people mention canonical tech priest sex my mind gets a little blown

>> No.12151660

>>12151623
I assumed they were removed when installing the mantle.

>> No.12151681

Sperm and eggs are taken from initiates while they still have enough flesh to produce them, and these materials are used to either to impregnate females outside the cult, or to grow babies in vats.

However, the cult is very much a meritocracy. Familial ties count very little to the cog boys. Politics certainly factors into advancement and assignment, but not induction.

>> No.12151686

You need to hate that hedgehog.

>> No.12151704

>>12151623
the problem with that is the same problem everywhere in the imperium: AdMech is TOO BIG to be so uniform.

Many forges were settled in the initial expansion of Humanity into space by (the ancestor of) Explorator fleets, which probably means there's a fuckton of splinters in the Machine Cult just as the Imperium has on its worlds.

I can see, just as easily, a forge that leaves itself as unaugmented as they can get away with and still fill the role of techpriest to either be close to the Omnissiah- flesh made perfected- or to prove their devotion in resisting the call of the flesh.

Sex, while a call of the flesh, is also an important way for humans to bond and grow closer, not to mention an easy-as-hell way to relieve stress. If nothing else, I can see a forge taking a very scientific view on the matter and hey, might as well get the spawnlets young for the Cult.

>> No.12151711

They're a religious cult/empire. Why wouldn't they procreate like any other?

>> No.12151748

Where's the tech priest saying "only 5% of my former flesh remains, guess what it is."

>> No.12151814

>>12151704

And there's nothing wrong with that. There may well be a Forge World that takes exactly that view. I was just describing what I view as the orthodox, well, doctrine of the Machine Cult. Despite being so disparate, they're still a lot tighter and better organized than the Ecclesiarchy, so I'd expect that while individual Forges can have different takes on the Creed, they'd all be more similar to one another than the various Imperial Creeds would be.

Note that, when describing any sweeping trends within the Imperium at large, it's may be best to assume that most people are aware of the sheer size of the Imperium/Adeptus Mechanicus and account for it accordingly, even should the post not necessarily reflect that fact. It's a bit like calling the sky blue, if you'll forgive that tired analogy. We all know and realize it, so it doesn't need to be pointed out every time.

>> No.12151838

>>12151748

>>12151623
>they're also priests and thus celibate

I don't think so, Tim.

>> No.12151846

>>12151748


Everyone here has valid opinions, and in a empire as big as the imperium/admech one, who's to say all of this isn't true?

>LARGE trepired

That's probably why it's the 5% left, captcha

>> No.12151863

>>12151838

seconding.

being part of a priestly caste doesn't mean that you don't have sexy times by default.

>> No.12151869

>>12151838
>>12151846
now in multiple flavors

>> No.12151893

>>12151869
Maybe it's a male/female pair.

>> No.12151999

>>12151814
>Despite being so disparate, they're still a lot tighter and better organized than the Ecclesiarchy
>my face
Where the hell did you get this from? They're much larger than just the Ecclesiarchy- they've armed forces out the ass, manufacturing, all sorts of bullshit extra that the Ecclesiarchy has outsourced to the other Adeptus. And then you pile on the Academia on crack and cargo that makes a major part of them up and it's just a clusterfuck.

If anything, congratulate them on presenting such a solid face to the Imperium.

I mention the whole 'yeah this place is huge make shit up' thing because there's just as many people who don't know. I mean, sure, if you're talking about IGJoe it's obvious, but most fluff only ever presents Joe Redrobe whacking buttons in time with the HOLY RITE OF BUTTON-SLAPPING and romancing his lasgun.

>> No.12152041

>>12151999
>HOLY RITE OF BUTTON-SLAPPING

Hey, that is a very important rite.

>> No.12152058

>>12151999

>IGJoe

>> No.12152093

>>12151999
>romancing his lasgun

ipetmyservoskull.jpg

>> No.12152100

>>12151999
>and romancing his lasgun.

I'm not surprised I want porn of this.

>> No.12152109

>>12152100
Shit, me too.

>> No.12152125

>>12152093
>>12152100
TENDER LOVING

>> No.12152142

>>12152125
...

fapfapfap

>> No.12152143

>>12152125
brb loling forever

>> No.12152167

>>12152143
>>12152142
>>12152125
>>12152109
>>12152100
>>12152093
>>12151999

>> No.12152168

>>12152142
>>12152143

>> No.12152210

>>12152168
I FUCKING LOVE YOU

>> No.12152219

>>12152210

>> No.12152226

>>12152167
I think it's clear, /tg/. We need more of >>12152125

>> No.12152228

Hang on a second. You can charge lasgun power cells with heat, right? Just toss em' into a fire for a quick boost?

Maybe... maybe you could, uh...

Warm them with your body.

>> No.12152238

>>12152228
Ah, but doing so absolutely murders the capacity.

You'd better have a good reason to warm your lasgun's pack so tenderly.

>> No.12152243

>>12152125

Didn't there used to be writefaggotry of a Tech-Priest "purifying" his broken lasgun or am I just remembering things?

>> No.12152244

>>12152219
More please.

>> No.12152252

>>12152167

Come on, it was pretty good, but not THATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT good.

>> No.12152270

>>12152243
Oh god does someone have this

>> No.12152279

Which reminds me... There is this cheap sci-fi movie... The BBEG has some mechanical parts, including an exposed brain (through a protective-glass-thingy on his head). Also, a mechanical penis that activated like a chainsaw. He menaced the not so pretty female lead with rape as well.

>> No.12152285

>>12152238
Well, human body temperature isn't that great compared to an actual roaring fire. If you were careful...

Anyway, I think someone that enamored with their lasgun would gladly accept the lost capacity in return for that... closeness. Every time she fires, it's your heat she's using. It's your energy she uses to protect you. Symbiosis.

>> No.12152287

>>12152252
Oh sure, the one post on its own wasn't THAT hilarious.

It was everyone's reaction TO that post, as well as the pictures.

>> No.12152318

>>12152285
Dudebro. Luminem charge. THEY ARE WALKING BATTERIES.

>> No.12152324

>>12152243
Yes there is. I cleaned it up and have it right on my computer. It's not terribly sexual, actually. I should write something ACTUALLY sexual.

>>12152244
No more pictures, sorry to say.

>>12152285
That's an appealing way to think of it. But why not just link yourself to your lascannon through your MIU link and feel things a bit more directly? Every shot praise to the Omnissiah, each hit a prayer.

>connexion plodua
Captcha knows what I mean.

>> No.12152358

>>12152324
Post it post it post it

>> No.12152372

>>12152324
Directness isn't for everyone. Anyway, if you're romancing your lasgun, then becoming one with it would be pretty far down the line. There's plenty of time for cuddling before that.

>> No.12152378

>>12152324

>Yes there is. I cleaned it up and have it right on my computer. It's not terribly sexual, actually. I should write something ACTUALLY sexual.

Well, go on, post it good man!
Both, if possible

>arrasyn their
So what do you want me to harass captcha?

>> No.12152382

>>12152358
ok. Then after this a new story.

He was deep in one of the massive cathedral-factories of Accitran, deep within the mountain range that the Steel Beasts called home.

The Techpriest was kneeling in a small shrine, just barely large enough for him to stand- he could reach out and touch opposite walls. One wall was dominated by a shrine to the Machine God- the gear-symbol above a simple altar, where he had already placed a small bowl of sacred oil and lit a censer of incense, and laid out sacred items he would later need. The air was cloudy with the smell of incense, a ventilation fan only bringing in more from some other room down the line.

Here, he was almost alone. His only companion was the lasrifle across his legs, laspack installed and set to safety. He'd done her wrong.

He took a deep breath, remembering the Rites of Admission, and beginning, "O Machine God, listen as I reveal my sins to thee; Oh, Omnissiah, listen as I reveal my slights to thee: I have wronged my lasrifle, my most faithful of companions. I have damaged my lasrifle, my most stalwart of companions. I have used her as a base club, I have used suboptimal ammunition, I have cursed her name and I have disregarded her most holy purpose."

>> No.12152387

>>12152279
I think that's from Space Truckers...or something similaily named

>> No.12152392

>>12152382
As he spoke, he dipped his augmentic fingers in the oil and touched the rifle, tapping each part of it in turn. He could sense, rather than quantify the machine spirit's reaction. She had been a tight coil of anger and offense, refusing to function at all, with hot prickles at his fingertips and shocks to his mechadendrites when he attempted field-repair. Now she softened, uncoiled, let some of her glory return to her countenance.

The Techpriest continued. "I beg for thine absolution, O Deus Mechanicus. I beg for thine ears to listen to my confession, O Omnissiah. I tell thee that I am apologetic. I tell thee that I love my lasrifle as much as flesh, wracked by time and space, can love the ever-perfect machine. Oh loyal rifle, I beg of thee! I beg for thine forgiveness, I beg for your return to my right side, I beg for you to return my flawed adoration with your own most perfect affection!"

Now both his hands ran down the rifle's sides, leaving trails of pitch-dark oil in their wake. He could feel the machine spirit pressing back against his hands, he could /feel/ the way it granted him her forgiveness, for she possessed the deepest wells of compassion and love for the Techpriest, most faithful of the Machine God's servants. He could feel her warmth against him.

>> No.12152404

>>12152392
He shivered as he neared the end of the ritual, "I am humbled by your love for me, O machine spirit. I am shaken by your faith in my future actions, O machine spirit. I am cowed by your compassion in accepting such weak flesh to touch you, O machine spirit." He shuddered at the sensation of the machine spirit returning to her usual glory, at the way the now-warm metal seemed to press back against his loving hands, the way the whole room seem to hum with the presence of the Machine God, ever-watching, omniscient and perfect. His cogitators sang with hymnals and his vox crackled with static. He could barely continue his speech.

"I thank thee, O spirit of the machine. I thank thee, O Deus Mechanicus, the god within the machine, the master of all-knowledge. I thank thee, Omnissiah, liaison of perfect metal and imperfect flesh. I shall serve thee faithfully as long as my flesh shall hold, and even beyond that, my body reused in sacred service to the cult. May Your knowledge better us for ever and ever, amen!"

He laid there for a while, mechadendrites spread upon the floor, bent double over the lasrifle, warm across his legs. He let his forehead lay against the floor, despite the fact that he was rapidly getting sacred oil stains in his robes. The lasrifle practically purred against his chest, the machine spirit within shining gloriously. Well, he couldn't /see/ it, exactly, but he could feel it. The lasrifle was pleased, satisfied by his ministrations.

Such was the life of a man and his gun.

>> No.12152416

>>12152372
But linking through the MIU is basically CUDDLING EXTREME.

>> No.12152440

>>12152404
Awww yeah.

>> No.12152445

>>12152416
I miss Mandingo. You cocksuckers just had to scare her off.

(Then again /co/'s not much better, what with them squandering the opportunity to get awesome Adventure Time art from a fucking Adventure Time storyboarder by asking for porn.)

>> No.12152472

>>12152416
YOU HAVE TO WORK UP TO IT

YOU DON'T JUST DO THAT RIGHT OFF THE BAT

>> No.12152501 [DELETED] 

>>12152445
I can't say I'm surprised that happened.

Anyway. Next story as soon as I get it together. Has a techpriest. Pict not related, though.

>>12152472
Oh, well then. Yeah, I can understand that.

>> No.12152507

>>12152416
I wonder if same sex techsexual rights are a big deal in the Admech.

>> No.12152517

>>12152507
They probably don't give a single fuck for the most part. But I'm just as sure there's crazed WOMEN MEDICAE ONLY MEN ONLY MACHINISTS out there too.

>> No.12152557

>>12152517

You know, my first assumption was that he was referring to male/female plugs.

Hell, if you look at it that way (ie, you cannot connect a male plug to a male plug - it must be a male female connection), the AdMech could be pretty old fashioned when it comes to sexual relations.

>> No.12152559

>>12152517
Hey, you're supposed to be writing us techpriest porn. Haha.

I think I read somewhere that the imperium doesnt care who you bang, just that you serve the emps, or something.

>> No.12152572

>>12152557
But they can appreciate the simplicity of a universal port.

>> No.12152587

>>12152557
Dude, I work at a store where we sell genderchangers for EVERYTHING. /EVERYTHING/.

>>12152559
Why the fuck not.

He was a regular customer at the brothel.

Came in at a reasonable time, always paid a proper amount without haggling, and, if the ladies were to be believed, a downright tender john. He was the ideal client, in short.

He sat in the waiting room, his robe's hood pulled over his face, a small briefcase in his lap. He was tall, mainly in the legs, and very quiet, seemingly deep in thought as he waited. Most johns wore robes or other covering gear when they paid a visit, but this one was notable. He was wearing the Adeptus Mechanicus' red robes, a particularly deep shade with an unfamiliar edging on his sleeves- a foreigner. The ladies didn't know where, exactly, he was from, and they didn't ask. He occasionally twitched, like he heard someone talking to him, but other than that, was nice and quiet.

When he was called, he offered his arm to the lady of the night, and let her steer him to the room they'd be using. It was small, with a bed, an attached shower cube, and a endtable. The lighting was dimmable, and when they entered, he hummed some sort of code that made the lights flicker up to a comfortable level. He set the briefcase down on the table, and pulled his hood back, revealing that, indeed, he was Mechanicus. Bald, heavy augmented skull cables and a set of lenses, even his skin betrayed him; it was faintly greyish, the sure sign of carrying autosanguine instead of blood. His lower face was just a grille, but his voice wasn't so bad.

>> No.12152607

>>12151660
If they were, the Chem Geld talent would be included in the Techpriest Implants trait.

>> No.12152611

>>12152587
They discussed what they wanted from the time they were about to spend together (his was simple enough, but she was surprised when he asked what she liked. Apparently it was all part of his kinks), and they got ready. She stripped off her slip and her underthings, while he shed his robe (up-over-head, all those mechadendrites snaking out without tangling up somehow). Everything below his ribcage was metal- a tight mesh around his stomach abutting blocky plates that stood in for hips with slender pistons and hydraulics making up his legs. She sat down while he got ready- he opened the small box and seemed to hem and haw over something, before closing it again and turning and moving to kneel in front of her on the ground, setting the little case on the ground next to him. That would come later. He smiled- as much as a man with very little expression capabilities could be said to- and placed his still-flesh hand on her thigh.

>> No.12152620

>>12152611
Then they started fucking. He pushed her gently down onto the bed and leaned up over her legs and waist, his hand going to finger her, warm metal digits sliding easily inside her, thumb against her clit. His mechadendrites spiraled around her legs, her waist, keeping her still, the blunt tips- the claws were retracted, snug inside- feeling her skin, feeding information into his auspex. His fleshly hand was still holding onto her thigh, giving him a hand-hold onto her, keeping him in place. His face was calm, even in the face of her arousal; she moaned, and he was silent, save the whirr of his servos. He rose up onto his knees as she continued to moan, observing her reactions, still quiet. He always did it this way. Little creepy, but he was- he was /so good/ at what he did. The woman couldn't help but moan and squirm- his hand was warm and vibrating now, thumb rubbing against her just so, the fingers inside her just long enough to pleasure her in a way she hadn't really experienced with anyone else. The Adeptus Mechanicus was rapidly becoming her favorite Adeptus.

>> No.12152627

>>12152620
Now he looked away, down, to the little case, and let go of her thigh to pop it open. He hmmed, quietly, and grabbed something from inside it. There was a soft click, and he paused in his ministrations, shivering softly before slowly standing, languidly stretching himself up, over the edge of the bed, mechadendrites supporting his smooth movements. He kept himself low on her body, blocking her field of vision as he took hold of her legs, spreading them carefully. She imagined, sometimes, that he had some sort of demented chart for how far to move her and prepare her for what he was doing. She hissed with pleasure as he spread her open with his still-slick metallic hand, then sucked in her breath in a sharp gasp as he entered her with that most peculiar of augmentations. He moaned, then, a low, metallic sound he let out into her shoulder, burying his head next to her neck as he rocked his hips into hers. He held himself in her for a second or two, shivering with pleasure, mechdendrites twitching erratically, before sliding back out and establishing a rhythm. The techpriest sighed into her neck before pulling himself up onto his hands, one on each side of her, looking down, watching himself- he couldn't really help it and didn't fight it. It was- he wasn't sure the term but it was /exciting/. He liked it.

>> No.12152632

>>12152627
The woman arched her back, fighting down the urge to wrap her legs around his hips- he didn't like that, he liked to see himself fuck her, and grabbed fistfuls of sheets as she moaned. This particular aid he was using was long and curved, just thick enough to make her feel delightfully full, with the oddest ridges and bumps that rubbed against her clit and other sensitive spots inside as he pumped in and out of her with machine precision. He was moving so /slowly/ she couldn't /stand it/ when he decided to have a slow go at her. It was maddening- those long, slow strokes, the way he was angling himself to pleasure her as much as possible- he liked that too, making her come with him inside her. Cranked his gears or something. She certainly didn't mind.

>> No.12152642

>>12152632
He kept twitching, like he was in his own personal conversation, and occasional bits of Binaric would sneak out, a harsh, static sound that made her start the first time she heard it. He closed his eye as he continued to rock in and out, his pace finally speeding up, a mechadendrite snaking downwards to further pleasure her, extending the little claw-fingers to spread her as he accelerated. His eye was still clenched shut, and now he was murmuring in softer tones- it sounded to her like he was talking to someone else. She didn't care, she was having what was definitely the best fuck of the day- those bumps and ridges almost painful against her clit, the mechadendrite spreading her flicking a blunted claw directly against that swollen nub, making her cry out- she /couldn't/ keep it in anymore in the face of such an onslaught of sensation. Then she felt a mechadendrite coil around her breast, the claws there pinching her nipple tight- sending shocks down her spine. She couldn't keep her legs down and wrapped them around the techpriest, wanting more, wanting to come- the fact that this client liked that best was incidental at this point.

>> No.12152650

>>12152642
He bucked his hips suddenly against her- crying something out in harsh binaric, and she couldn't contain herself anymore and came with a shout, back arched tightly into a curve, legs flexed tightly- if he were flesh, it would have almost hurt. He didn't seem to notice, until he was suddenly leaning over her, eye open and intent, catching as many details as he could, fucking her with earnest. It was like he was a completely different person- his motions were jerky, his mechadendrites letting go to hold her firmly in place. She wanted to pull away, to pause for a moment, but when she did he hissed in some cold brittle language that scared her still. This happened too, sometimes. He usually left extra money then, so it was just barely tolerable. It hurt- the over-stimulation, his rough motions, how he was suddenly the machine instead of the unusually tender john- but it was worth a lot of money. She would bear it. He continued, his augmentation overflowing with slick lubricant; she could feel it spilling out of her, underneath her, and she felt some sort of relief, knowing that this part usually heralded-

He pulled her hips against his, then, binding her tight, almost painfully with his mechadendrites, his hands on her waist and his head thrown back, spitting code that made the lights flicker weirdly and the clock on the stand change time-zones. She felt heat inside of her, buzzing, pulsing warmth that made her cry out again at the stimulation; she almost passed out as he finally orgasmed inside of her.

>> No.12152653

>>12152416
>>12152445
I miss Mandingo too...

>> No.12152659

>>12152650
He held her there, painfully tight, for a few aching moments before releasing her, sliding out as he slumped back to his knees in front of the bed again, head against her slicked thigh, taking in deep breaths as he tried to calm down. She couldn't move- she was too spent, too sore to even think of it. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, before he slowly, achingly slowly dragged himself back to his feet, his mechadendrites supporting him against the bed as he found his footing. The techpriest was always gentle and kind after his rough spells, and tenderly scooped the woman up, arranging her more comfortably on the bed, away from the wet area, tucking pillows under her. He checked his work and nodded before cleaning himself- disconnecting that most wonderful of augmentations and setting it down on a towel he produced from the small cleaning cubicle, using another to towel his flesh off and the extraneous lubrication from his thighs, finally cleaning his mechadendrites and drying his augment before replacing it back in the case and clicking the locks shut. He never used the shower cube, she noticed as she started to stir. Maybe it was another kink. Whatever. She was tender from the waist down, and was deeply appreciative of the hands and mechadendrites that helped her to the cube, settling her down on the inbuilt bench.

He flashed the tip- the usual roughness bonus, and placed it down on the little table before pulling on his robe, neatening himself within it, and leaving without another word.

Really, she thought, he was the ideal client.

>> No.12152664

>>12152620
>Then they started fucking.

I'm glad you told us this, otherwise I'd be completely lost.

>> No.12152680

okay i'm done back to discussion's cool now.

But MIU links being male or female is the easiest thing to fix. Genderchangers are seriously like $3 at my store. If ONLY t'were that easy for the flesh.

>> No.12152681

my new RT exploritor

>> No.12152691

>>12152659
You, sir, are a god amongst men,

>> No.12152693

>>12152681
THAT'S HERESY

>> No.12152694

>>12152664
It feels lame; in my defense I think it was 4AM the time it was originally written. I'm going to edit it out for the next iteration.

Think of it as an efficient way to skip the fluff around the story. A true child of the Deus Mechanicus would be appreciative of such efficiency.

>> No.12152710

So, this Tech Priest has undergone the Rite of Duplessence?

>> No.12152715

>>12152691
Nay, I am but a faithful servant.

But to make it more exotic, you should realize that he was definitely talking to someone else the whole time and that person definitely knew what he was doing.

>> No.12152728

>>12152694
Actually the entirety of the tale would be this:

2.23.9997.M41 03:22-03:39
Recreation (copulation). Praise the Omnissiah.

>> No.12152749

>>12152710
>You got it before I mentioned it.
>SON, I AM PROUD

Man that could be interesting in another direction.

'You should go after that one. She's hot' 'But Magos, she's all the wrong shape!' 'fuck you, I'm pulling rank. Get that whore.' or 'aw yeah, Magos, I have to concur with your conclusions' 'fuck yeah, get that whore and bone her deep. In nomine Omnissiah'

>> No.12152756

>>12152659

>Going in expecting a Tech-priest to sex up his gun
>Find Tech-Priest selling himself off as a dildo
>My face

>> No.12152759

>>12152728
You got the date system wrong.
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Imperial_Dating_System

>> No.12152771

>>12152759
Yeah, he also took an entire seventeen minutes to complete the scheduled action. He's very sloppy.

>> No.12152784

>>12152728
0100110001110101011000100111001001101001011000110110000101101110011101000010000001100101011110000111
0000011001010110111001100100011001010110010000101110001000000101001001100101011100010111010101101001
0111001101101001011101000110100101101111011011100010000001100110011011110111001000100000011101000111
0111011011110010000001100011011000010110111001101001011100110111010001100101011100100111001100100000
0111001101110101011000100110110101101001011101000111010001100101011001000010111000001101000010100000
1101000010100101000001110010011000010110100101110011011001010010000001110100011010000110010100100000
01001111011011010110111001101001011100110111001101101001011000010110100000101110

>> No.12152786

>>12152756
I agree, anon. I agree.

>> No.12152788

>>12152756
Hey, if you want some masterwork dildos, where are you going to go?

The Administratum? Fuck no. Go to the masters of precision engineering!

>> No.12152811

Look at this asshole, all clean eyeplate and naturally strong chin.

All the tech-priestsess rubbing their silicon implants all over his chin and eyeplate.

I hate him so

>> No.12152818

>>12152788
Captain Rhodes, I think you're my favorite person on /tg/. Pretty sure I grabbed a huge techpriest .zip file from you in the past and now two techpriest writefaggeries.

>> No.12152823

>>12152811

>> No.12152853

>>12152818
That would indeed be me.

>> No.12152888

>>12152759
I imagined this was the Administratum's official romantic entanglement regulations codex. Thousands and thousands of pages of legalese spelling out what is and is not proper for citizens to do on a date.

>> No.12152890

>>12152759
"Imperial Dating System" sounds like the personals section of the official newspaper of the Imperium.

It takes fourteen years for you to get to the first date, which is actually good because by that time you don't give a fuck what the other person looks like, you just get to making babies for the Emperor to use.

>> No.12152892

>>12152853
Well, any time you have more, throw it at me.

40K: I came for the space marines, I stayed for the techpriests.

>> No.12152953

>>12152892
There's something in how much sexual shenanigans you COULD get up to with the Rite of Duplessence.

Sex in public becomes a hell of a lot easier. Your partner could easily override your senses and replace them with a construct of their own creation.

Boring meeting? NOT ANYMORE- you're fucking the hottest piece of metal this side of Mars and she's your metal waifu. ORBITAL DROP? Fuck no, it's your imaginary dick getting sucked off by a certified sucking machine.

The only signs are your eye twitching, your breath nearly imperceptibly harder, the way your hands and mechadendrites twitch in sympathy with what you're doing to her inside that space in both your heads.

And no one can fucking tell you're balls-deep in your brain-waifu. Fuck yeah, Rite of Duplessence.

>> No.12152983

>>12152953
Aw yeah. Why the hell would you use that for anything else?

>imptily agilities

>> No.12153017

>>12152983
And the cute little Adept chick who notices that you and yours are actually doing it RIGHT THERE can only blush deeply and bite her knuckle because it's hot as fuck.

And you know it. Aw yeah.

>> No.12153029

>>12152270
There was another where a Techpriest fucks a Baneblade back into working; anyone got it?

>> No.12153045

>>12152953
.........note to self, if I ever get three wishes, that's going to be one of them

>> No.12153049

>>12153029
I need to edit it further, hrrrg. How do you people remember these things!?

>> No.12153060

>>12153049
Asperger's, some of us. If it is Relevant To Our Interests, we will remember it FOREVER.

Post it anyway. I need more fap material.

>> No.12153068

>>12153045
And then when you bag the Adept chick you and your waifu taking turns on her, or splitting senses up between you two, or even the comedy multiple augmentations option.

And that'd making watch your fine-ass metal waifu making out with the cute Adept chick a bit more personal. Or making her watch.

Fuck yeah, three-ways.

>> No.12153073

>>12153060
Yes, post it.

I'm hungry and I hungry for words about techpriests.

>> No.12153102

>>12153060
A great deal of us have way too much time on our hands, and bizarre interests that makes it difficult to do anything useful with it.

So we read/write/memorize weird fapfics.

>> No.12153117

>>12153102
Basically this.

I am probably going to end up writing the Duplessence Techpriest/Cute Adept thing. It's too hot to leave alone.

>> No.12153131

>>12153117
DAT CABLE
DEM BITS

>> No.12153135

>>12153102
...I gotta have that hat.

>> No.12153226

>>12153060
post dat shit, bro.

>> No.12153544

>>12153060
>>12153073
Oh dammit, fine.

>>12153226
/YOU/. >8|

>> No.12153564

The metallic hiss of Lingua Technis crept among the corners of the hanger, lyrical and imploring. Feeble candlelight (nearly stifled in the gloom) projected harsh, inorganic shadows across distant walls. Gentle mechanical noise thrummed inside the aluminum cocoon - an unnatural heat setting perspiration dripping down the exterior of the bay doors.

It had been two days - and he'd continuously worshiped without movement, sleep, or sustenance. The enginseer's remaining human eye was closed, and his respirator drew in shallow, trembling breaths. Snakelike mechadendrae oozed and coiled about his person, a clamp-headed servo-arm twitching mindlessly above his red cowl. Before him was an alter of platinum, laden with sacred vials, scrolls, and burning incense. He knelt in the presence of an ancient, wise entity, whose sorrow and loneliness had rendered it ... her ... almost completely incapacitated.

>> No.12153568

>>12153544
hey buddy fuck you. I wrote fresh new porn the least you can do is repost yours.

>> No.12153589

>>12153568
NO U.

It had been two days - and he'd continuously worshiped without movement, sleep, or sustenance. The enginseer's remaining human eye was closed, and his respirator drew in shallow, trembling breaths. Snakelike mechadendrae oozed and coiled about his person, a clamp-headed servo-arm twitching mindlessly above his red cowl. Before him was an alter of platinum, laden with sacred vials, scrolls, and burning incense. He knelt in the presence of an ancient, wise entity, whose sorrow and loneliness had rendered it ... her ... almost completely incapacitated.

"You remember me, Most Beneficent One. I can feel Your longings, Your frustrations. Allow me to serve You as I once did in the past ..."

It was time. The enginseer clutched an uncorked, ornate glass within his clawlike hands. Dipping a steely finger within the lip, he anointed himself with black oil. After a moment of inarticulate prayer, he rose to his feet and approached the silent behemoth, his augmented eyes glowing with a strange, drugged light. Exquisite binary prose threaded through his Vox - melodic, appealing ...

>> No.12153602

>>12153135
It doesn't make you write any faster, believe me.

Neither does cheap hard liquor but fuck you I had a long day and even Captcha is giving me bullshit

>> No.12153611

... seductive.

He reached out to her with his talons and played his digits upon her abused hull, croaking an increasingly desperate volume of sonnets. His pressed his fleshy cheek against the coolness of her armour plating, and he heard her stir. Emboldened by this feeble response, he took to the screws that lined his jaw and lifted away a mass of wire-studded breathing apparati, gagging violently as a feeding tube slid out of his throat and clattered to the floor. He choked and spit, groaning in pain and trying to ignore the fire in his lungs. A minute of awkward recovery ensued.

Shaking away the foreign notions of his biological frailty, he began his devotions anew - dry, seldom-used lips rising to brush against the chipped paint ...

The sudden, violent roar of a long-quiet, powerful engine tore through the once tranquil atmosphere. The very ground vibrated with the ferocity of her response, and the enginseer smiled with drunk relief, crushing his body against her.

>> No.12153621

The machine spirit dispatched a weak, almost piteous feed of data through the extensive cable connecting her operating system to the techpriest's skulljack. His visible eyelid fluttered as he whispered thickly in response, "I thought you'd never ask."

Shakily making his way towards her front-end, he hoisted himself (with little ceremony) onto her hood. The maintenance hatch had been propped open by guardsmen, and the warm, greasy scent of friction and carcinogenic smoke lofted from the dimly-lit portal. The priest quivered with anticipation as he squeezed into the narrow corridor leading within the beast.

All manner of technical wonder laid within her bowels - processes not fully understood, parts of meticulously crafted beauty and symmetry, rusted with age. The enginseer tore off his thick robe and began to remove the various layers of armour, supplies, and attire that lay beneath it. From somewhere within the contraption, a shrill explosion of steam sounded. She was ever the impatient one!

>> No.12153630

The electoos embedded in the enginseer's skin fizzled to life and began to itch terribly ... a technological replacement for his heightening arousal. Bare but for his various augmentations, the priest fell to his knees and dug frantically within a discarded bag. He produced an odd, phallic-shaped sensory instrument with a series of ports at its base - and proceeded to attach it to a matching cavity in his former-groin region. A click sounded, and the priest moaned quietly as his biomechanical nerves opened the floodgates to various underused erogenous zones. The sensor pumped carefully calculated waves of pleasure-enhancing stimulants into his blood. He was momentarily immobilized by the shock of these forgotten sensations, but the machine's cooing drew him back to reality.

Amid the mess of valves and piping, a battered control panel lay discreetly hidden. The enginseer caressed it open and took in the tantalizing array of options available to his prowess. He drew forth one of the many plug-ended cables from the back of his head and slid it deftly within a new port, the vehicle beneath him revving with desire. Her thoughts were clearer to him now, her needs shrieking out to him in heady base-code.

He brought his mouth to a small, grille-encased airduct and exhaled upon it with languish. The engine whined - pistons and cranks increasing their speed. The priest pressed his fevered, sweating body to the control unit and drew his tongue across its implements, causing her to shudder with delight. The overhung wires surrounding him seemed to move ... and his mechadendrites responded - intertwining with them in a slow, sensuous dance. He felt her parts rising to touch him, to connect with him, and the sad creaking of their misuse exploding like plasma within his guts.

>> No.12153633

>>12153602
Liquor helps a lot with porn for me.

Liquor and bouncing ideas around with my cogfag brothers. I've got the outline for the Duplessence couple/Adept laid down already. Praise to the machine and its faithful children.

>> No.12153636

>>12152953
Empowered vol. 5.
Tele-sex, best thing about dating a telepath.

>> No.12153637

A nest of cables looped about his sensory device, and his hips rocked forward mindlessly. She was guiding him somewhere ... a hidden port nearby, covered with steel mesh. Upon exposing it, he groaned with recognition. The once-veiled cavity was warm and brimming with static charge. He eased one of his mechadendrites within it, and the machine spirit's voice (if it could be called such a thing) cried out with pleasure. A sloping, three-dimensional panel containing the cavity slid forward, away from the walls of her maintenance dock, giving him ample room to perform this most sacred task.

The sound of metal sheathing against metal echoed throughout the machine as he initiated penetration, and he gasped sharply as she adjusted to his size. Surrounded by the eager touches of her wiring, he began to thrust within the delectable softness of her most holy port. The ear-splitting symphony of her inner workings rose an octave as he worked, his body aching and beaten from the exertion. Oil seeped from between himself and the hot orifice, splattering his thighs and dripping to the floor. He delved deeper, his back bent into an arch of terrible concentration, his servo-arm clamped to a pipe for support. The priest's mind went void - the intensity of the experience wiping out all that he was, and ever would be. All that mattered was this union, this sanctity. The machine spirit screamed in ecstasy, contracting around the enginseer's pseudo-cock, driving him to madness. A searing white light burnt the sky to shreds and the world convulsed ...

>> No.12153647

Jarrison hadn't seen anything quite like this in his 6 long years of service to the Imperial Guard. He shook his head incredulously and shrugged at the Commissar, "Well, uh. Sir. It appears as though they've just ... disappeared!"

Commissar Volcht peered through his binoculars to the devastated Eldar campsite, a wicked grin splitting his gaunt face, "That fething techpriest knew what he was doing. The Baneblade all but vaporized the little bastards."

Jarrison's brow furrowed. "Sir," he began cautiously, "is it ... is it even possible for the Baneblade to do something like that without even leaving its hanger? He was the only one working on it, right? How could a single techpr-"

The Commissar cut him off. "The proof is right there, soldier. Not only that - one of the data servitors caught the explosion on a live feed. Whatever that 'single techpriest' did, it worked like a bloody miracle."

A polite cough sounded from behind them. The duo turned to peer into the weary, respirator-hidden face of the enginseer. His quiet, tin-can voice was breathy with exhaustion and self-satisfaction, "Sir," he addressed to the commissar, "Your Baneblade should be ready very soon now. I have communed with the machine spirits on this task, and they are willing. I do apologize about the hanger."

Volcht rose an eyebrow and gestured to the pockmarked wasteland that was once his enemies' stronghold, "You call this not fixed?"

Jarrison could've sworn he saw a mischievous twinkle pass across the techpriest's one good eye ...

"On the contrary, sir ... these repairs will require some time."

BADUM-TSCH.

>> No.12153664

After becoming apart of the Machine Cult, the Tech priest/ess will have to go under a series of daunting ritualized bio modifications--these mainly constitute alterations to the immune system. After this complete, his/her body will be able to coexist with the cybernetic augmentations listed in Mechanicus Implants trait...

>> No.12153767

>>12151582

I wish I could see pic's like that on /d/. *_*

>> No.12153803

>>12153767
I'll settle for tender lovings in GENERAL on /d/.

>> No.12153946

>>12153803
lol this

>> No.12153947 [DELETED] 

>>12153803

tender lovings can happen sometimes, you just need to know where to check!

there's another one from this artist with tender loving but it's a little too /d/ for /tg/ and i'd like to respect our mod's presence a little :3 he brought the artists back!

>> No.12153967

>>12153947
I love that artist. Consensual tentacle sex? Inyouchu fanart? Yes please.

>> No.12153978 [DELETED] 

>>12153947

but i'll post one more because this one actually has a sweet story (if you can find it!)

"Hey now... I said that there was off-limits, didn't I?"

"S-sorry..."

>> No.12153985

>>12153947
Consentacles = best tentacles

>> No.12153990

>>12153978
Oh hey, Rozenweapon.

DELICIOUS HEALTHY JUNK

>> No.12153993

>>12153978
>(if you can find it!)

Post a short synopsis, at least! What's it about?

>>12153985
This. I just love consensual stuff. Any other details - tentacles, monsters, just two humans of opposite sex, etc. - are irrelevant.

>> No.12153999

>>12153993
...

Thri-kreen on human?

>> No.12154004

>>12153978
>>12153947
Just dump these on /d/ or something and link the thread to here, the admin never said anything about linking to NSFW, did he?
Also consenualtentacles? YES PLEASE!

>> No.12154084

>> No.12154108

>>12154084
:D

>> No.12154129

>>12154004
>>12153993

kay,

>>>/d/3076509

FORGIVE THE TERRIBLE GOOGLE TRANSLATOR PLEASE, I cannot read moonspeak :<

>> No.12154177

>>12152279
The film is called Space Marines IIRC

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