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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.12078587 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Your girlfriend was just kidnapped by a group of supernatural assassins. Are you a bad enough dude to save her?

>> No.12078605

They'll never expect me to try using the front door!

>> No.12078606

No.
Also I don't have a girlfriend.

Truth hurts, guess I'll get some more icecream.

>> No.12078608

No

>> No.12078631

...
Nope.

My girlfriend was accepted to the school of her dreams two states away. I told her to go.
Feels bad, man.

>> No.12078637

Can you give me a run down on how supernatural? I'd like to try but if I'm dealing with like someone who can run like the Flash and process things mentally at that speed I'm kind of fucked.

>> No.12078642

>>12078606
Spoons in the lube.

>of Theology rharings
Oh god what captcha

>> No.12078650

Depends. Are we speaking hypothetically or is this supposed to be a quest thread?

If the former... Meh. They can have her.

>> No.12078651

I don't have a girlfriend

if I save the girl will she be my girlfriend>?

>> No.12078694

I will die trying.

>> No.12078698

>>12078637

>> No.12078723

>Your girlfriend

OH GOD WAT

>supernatural assassins

I SWEAR YOU GUYS GOT THE WRONG GUY, GUYS

>> No.12078759

>>12078587

Am I a bad enough dude to save her? Only time will tell.

Am I a bad enough dude to try? YA DAMN RIGHT.

>> No.12078767

My stats

Age : 25

Equipment :
Hoodie
Jeans
Sneakers

Weapons :
Switchblade
Baseball Bat

Gear :
Smokes
Lighter
Car

I guess so. Do they know I'm coming? Like did they kidnap her BECAUSE they wanted me to fight them or did they just kidnap a fuckload of women and aren't expecting me to pursue and engage?

>> No.12078784

the fuck, against all odds I somehow get a girlfriend and these magical assholes steal her away? fuck no I'm not bad enough to save her, I'm just going to seethe in my nerd rage and post on the internet.

>> No.12078790

So my girlfriend got kidnapped, again..

>> No.12078794

>supernatural assassins
>I have firearms
>????
>rapeface

>> No.12078817

OP you nigger give us more details on the nature of these assassins and whether they expect us to pursue or not.

>> No.12078823

>>12078767

Your girlfriend was kidnapped, too? What could they want from them...time to find out!

Age: 26

Armor:
Leather Jacket worn over Hoodie
Leather Gloves
Well-Worn Jeans
Heavy Boots

Weapons:
German Longsword
HEAVY BOOTS

Gear:
Laptop
Smartphone
Whiskey

Let's bring 'em home.

>> No.12078832

That depends on which hand they took from me.

>> No.12078846

my other half has 15 years of western european martial arts under her belt, and was involved in the national olympic judo team before that as a student...


I'm not a bad enough dude to save her, but if I really hurry, I might just be able to save the poor assassins' lives.

>> No.12078854

>>12078817

These dudes? These dudes are just in it for the sport, the next great challenge. They don't give a shit about your girl, they just want to kill you.

>> No.12078873

>>12078823

Well shit, you seem better equipped and prepared then I am. Dibs on not-tank.

Guess we'll form a party. My car seats four, so we can get two other adventurers. I'm gonna be a Rogue though.

>> No.12078884

>>12078854

Okay, so they kidnapped us BECAUSE they want to fight us. We do not have the advantage of surprise at all. This shit has gone from Metal Gear to Megaman now. They know we're coming and they're expecting it.

How many people in this supernatural group and what kind of powers are we talking?

>> No.12078893

ME

Age : 22
Body: 4/10
Mind: 9/10
Spirit: 3/10

Equipment :
Shorts
Sandals
T-Shirt

Weapons :
Swiss Army Knife

Gear :
Old cell phone
Boy Scout wilderness survival manual


Yeah this is not going to go very well.

>> No.12078916

>>12078873

Fine by me. Flank and shank, my friend. Also, I'll share the booze if you'll share the cigs. Quit cold turkey a few years back, but I'll probably need the nicotine hit if things go bad.

>> No.12078919

I'll be that faggot, and say yes.

>>12078767

My Stats:
Age: 18

Equipment:
Basketball shorts
White tee shirt
Sneakers

Weapons:
Rifle
Knife
Fists

Gear:
Cell phone
Deck of cards

COME AT ME BRO!

>> No.12078921

>>12078823
Fuck Yeah, Lets Do This.

Age: 20

Armor:
Leather Jacket/Denim Jacket
Jeans
Sneakers

Arms:
+1 Makeshift Club
Improved Unarmed Strike

Gear:
Wallet (For display only)
Cellphone
Laptop (Flaw: Shitty Battery)

>> No.12078961

>>12078884

I've heard there is about 15 of them. Shit, to explain their strengths? I 'ear some of 'em burp out fire and crap thunder. I think one of 'em is even a cyborg -- but it's all rumor. I'm just the messenger; nothing more.

>> No.12078968

Hmmm...

Age: 22

Equipment:
Navy Working Uniform (NWU)
Worn Steel-toed Boots
Hard Hat

Weapons:
Piano Wire
Scrying Tool
Pen
M9 Service Pistol (45 rounds)
M16A4 Service Rifle (90 rounds)

Gear:
150gig iPod
---lots of violent music
Guard Belt

Hmmm...I think I'm ready.

Hey, >>12078767! Come pick my ass up! My car's in the shop!

>> No.12078971

Either someone has to sit bitch or we need another car.

We seem to be a motly crew of River City Ransom bros.

>> No.12078973

inb4 op is the final boss

>> No.12078980

>>12078823

Mine too..I'm down

Stats-
Age:20
Height:6'5
Weight: 250 lbs

Equipment:
Hunting Jacket
Jeans
Holster
Hunting Boots

Weapons:
Pump-Action Shotgun
Battle Axe
My Mitts

Gear:
More Whiskey
First Aid Kit
Mag Light

>> No.12078981

This dude in black and white, the Spot?
He's the weakest one.

>> No.12079005

>>12078971
Here comes Warnsbarg the retailfag to save the day.
I've got a vehicle. '04 grand am. Runs... well. (does odd things from time to time.

Age: 19

Assets: Car

>> No.12079010

>>12078980

Everyone has guns but me.

>> No.12079022

>>12079005

Excellent. Let's get two vehicle squads going.

>> No.12079030

>>12078981
Her comes the splash woman of the group, are you a bad enough dude to wear her out? It's a battle of endurance

>> No.12079032

8 bros vs. Supernatural Assassins.

>> No.12079034

>>12079005
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARNSBARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

>> No.12079052

This some Pirate Baby Cabana Battle Street Fight 2006 shit? I am all up ins.

Age: 25

Equipment:
Boxer Shorts

Weapons:
Steel-toed boots

Gear:
mp3 player
every Calvin and Hobbes book
fried chicken

>> No.12079054

>>12079030
Next is the puzzle boss, a game of 3d Chess against this man

>> No.12079060

>>12078980
>>12079010 here

Have a Smith and Wesson .357 as a back up for you to use as long as I get it back.

Also have cars to help out other /tg/ brother that got their women stolen by supernatural assassins.

>> No.12079061

A green-skinned mermaid slut and the Spot so far.

The Spot is very bad for you gun users. Do not shoot at the Spot. He will fling those bullets at all of us.

Car Rogue, that one is yours. You must merk him.

Longsword Tank, you can probably chop the mermaid up with little concerns. Any man drinking whiskey will be stonefaced enough for the deed.

>> No.12079062

>>12079032

Eight motivated bros who have spent a good portion of their lives acting out small-scale combat scenarios, often against supernatural opponents.

I think our tormentors will be surprised, at least.

>> No.12079065

>>12079054
Pie eating contest
Face to face

Are you a bad enough man to eat pie and avoid being eaten?

>> No.12079069

>>12079034
DB's riding shotgun.
I can seat three more in the back.
But, It's a two-door so in the event of an emergency disembarkation we might be hosed.

LET'S SAVE TG'S GIRLFRIEND!!!

>> No.12079071

>>12078606
Ditto.

Unless OP means my right hand was kidnapped.

In which case

ROBOT HAND.

>> No.12079073

>>12079054

Swiss Army Sandal Bro, you have a mind of 9/10. You must beat Puzzle Batman.

>> No.12079086

>>12079061

Longsword Tank here.

It's like these guys are catering to my strong points here. I'm pissed, drunk, and just water-treated my jacket. Who wants fish filets for dinner?

>> No.12079087

>>12079065
I got this shit. I've been eating pie since before Kirby was a twinkle in his marshmallow momma's eye.

>> No.12079088

>>12079065
Rap battle against Soundwave, could it be anything else?

>> No.12079089

>>12079065

250 lb Shotgun Bro, you must do the eating. I'm like 145 lbs it's not going to happen.

>> No.12079091

Stats

Age: 18
Weight: 140 lb
Height: 6' 1'

GEAR:
Drug Rug
Plaid Shorts
Black Adidas

EQUIPMENT:
Lighter
Finger Lights
Ukelele

Heh, like bro man dude, can't we all just like, get along?

>> No.12079098

>>12079088
Staring contest woman

May god be with you

>> No.12079100

>>12079088

Boxer Short Bro, you're up. You've got an MP3 player.

>> No.12079101

>>12078980 here

Who do I have to take on? I'll take one for the team if necessary.

>> No.12079118

>>12079098
Before last boss, for all you gun nuts

>> No.12079122

>>12079061

What the fuck. I have to kill the Spot? God damn it. Alright.

>> No.12079128

>>12079065

I'm good at quick, fast, quantity eating, but if its an endurance eat I'm fucked...

>> No.12079131

>>12079101

Uhh. Kirby or Lucky Luke apparently.

>> No.12079135

>>12079118
And finally, the mastermind

Hypnofrog

>> No.12079150

nope! It's much easier to get a new one!

>> No.12079152

>>12079135

Luckily I'm Cajun. He's fucked.

>> No.12079158

>>12079100
np Saul Williams - Penny for a Thought

>>fullen confidence

>> No.12079165

>>12079091

You there, Stoner. You will battle the Hypno Frog. I imagine your drug addled mind will prove resistant to his control powers.

>> No.12079173

>>12079152

>> No.12079192

>>12079173

If it was HypnoTOAD, he'd be fine. As it stands...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_legs

>> No.12079205

>>12079192
Indeed
But I don't have a hypnotoad gif and as far as I could tell, that was a frog

>> No.12079209

>>12079073

OH GOD IVE NEVER BEEN UNDER THIS MUCH PRESSURE BEFORE

>> No.12079221

>>12079165

stoner-bard here
man, like far out. Think he likes the herb? More importantly, will he match?

>> No.12079224

rolled 50 = 50

It's my wife, and again? Bitch has got to learn how to write letters instead of doing this to me.

I have heretics to burn and paperwork to write up.

As for your question? Yes.

>> No.12079237

>>12078587

Not since they've taken my right hand.

>> No.12079238

It would seem that Navy Bro is of no use here.

Very well. I shall let you gentlemen handle this.

>> No.12079239

>>12079118

This guy seems to be the fly in the ointment. As designated tank, I'll try to weave in closer using cover to give our gunmen a shot. If anything, I'll try my hand at giving some YOU ARE GOOD MAN WORKING FOR BAD MEN speeches to give him pause/bring him to our side.

>> No.12079259

As long as there's some thieves around I believe I will have no problem rescuing dear sweet Collette.... which is what I'm calling her since I'm so goddamn lonely. So lonely.

>> No.12079271

She picked the wrong day to get kidnapped.
Or the wrong day to break up with me.

>> No.12079275

Luke, a wandering cowboy capable of drawing a gun faster than his shadow.

Except for the first album, Lucky Luke has never killed any opponent but still, he seemed to carry along a heavy burden, never committing to anything or anybody, and always riding off into the sunset.

At the end of each story, except the earliest, Lucky Luke rides off alone into the sunset on Jolly Jumper, singing (in English) "I'm a poor lonesome cowboy, and a long way from home..."

>> No.12079328

>>12079275

That shooting to not-kill is what I'm hoping for in my situation. I would take a bullet for my girlfriend, and two if it helped my comrades-in-arms get theirs back as well. Plus, nothing gives more weight to a YOU ARE GOOD MAN WORKING FOR BAD MEN speech than if the speaker is on the ground bleeding.

>> No.12079350

/tg/, see pic.

>> No.12079353

Age: 21

Armor:
Ragged, ripped up hoodie.
Black Leather Gloves
Nice, baggy black dress pants torn to shit at the bottoms.
Black steel-toed boots.

Weapons:
Celtic Longsword
FUCKING HEADBUTT
Another sword
FUCKING HEADBUTT'EM AGAIN, GOD.... SHITTT!!!
TWO PIECES OF RE-BAR TO CREASE THEIR NIPPON FUCKING SKULLS WITH!!!
FUCKING BRICKS'N SHIT!!! FUCCCKKKKK!!
PILLOWCASE FULL OF DOORKNOBS
SOUP CAN IN A SOCK
ROLL OF FUCKING QUARTERS
BLOCK
BLOCK
BUILDING KICK
EEEXXXPLOOOSSSIOOOOONNNN!!!!

Gear:
P-P-P-P-P-P-POWER!!!

I CUM FOR VIOLENCE!!!!

>> No.12079355

>>12079328
You put skill points into French / Belgium?

>> No.12079387

>>12079355

I actually have some skill points in French.

>>12079353

This guy isn't going in my car. Squad 2, all yours.

>> No.12079438

>>12079355

My high school graduation gift was a trip to Europe, partially self-funded. I found out about a year before and spent a load of time learning French so I could see the sights and communicate effectively. Spent a week in Northern France, toured Mont-St-Michel, met a cute girl named Amèlie, we banged. The nostalgia factor alone has helped me to keep my basic grasp, although it's a little rusty. My German's better at this point.

>> No.12079439

>>12079353
>BLOCK
>BLOCK
>BUILDING KICK
>EEEXXXPLOOOSSSIOOOOONNNN!!!!

Lol'd so hard.

>> No.12079452

>>12079387

IN?? FUCK YOUR INSIDE FAGGOTRY. I'M RIDING ON THE ROOF, SCREAMING AT EVERY THING THAT STARTS WITH AN A BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF THE ASSASSINS.

NOW PUT ON THE ANDREW WK MIX CD I JUST GAVE YOU. WHAT? NO FUCK YOU. YES THOSE BLOODY THUMBPRINTS ON IT ARE REAL, JUST PUT IT ON AND BLAST THAT SHIT.

TURN IT UP TO 13, BECAUSE RAAAAAAGGGGGEEEE!!!!!

>> No.12079480

>>12079452

You know, if this whole "saving our girlfriends" thing doesn't work out for you, I'm introducing you to my sister. You'd be perfect for each other.

>> No.12079508

>>12079452

If you touch that King Crimson CD in my car I'm going to merk you.

>> No.12079538

>>12079387
Can I come in your car? I'm very clean.

And my weapons probably won't malfunction and shoot your head off while we're driving and kill us all.

>> No.12079550

>>12079480

IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT, I AM GOING TO CHOKE SLAM THE MOTHERSHITTING MOON YOU CANDY-ASSED TAMPON!!!

WHEN I BRING THAT WHITE, CRATER-FACED PUSSY DOWN ON THIS SHITBALL OF A PLANET, YOU WILL HAVE BIGGER SHIT TO WORRY ABOUT THAN YOUR SLUT SISTER IS TORN ASUNDER BY MY PLEASURE LANCE!!!

NOW LETS GET THIS RAPE CHARIOT ROLLING.

I.
NEED.
BLOOOOODDD!!!

>> No.12079553

>>12079538

>probably

Errr...

>> No.12079590

>>12079550

This is going to end with you ATATATATATATATATA'ing at the Spot and killing yourself right off the bat, isn't it.

>> No.12079634

How the fuck am I supposed to save her with only one hand now?

feelsbadman.jpg

>> No.12079654

>>12079590

WHAT'S THAT NEW SAMUEL L. JACKSON!?! DID YOU JUST SAY ATAT!?!

YOU BEST NOT BE DISTRACTED, MOTHERFUCK. THOSE PAJAMA'D FFFFFFF-WHORES HAVE MY DELICIOUS LAUREN. ...WOMAN'S ALL TINY AND PETITE... AND HOLYSHIT- WHY ARE WE NOT SODOMIZING NINJAS RIGHT NOW!?!

>> No.12079670

>>12079634
By tying a chainsaw to your stump and manning the fuck up

>> No.12079671

>>12079654

ON A SIDE NOTE, WESLEY SNIPES, HERE'S YOUR FUCKING ATAT!!!

>> No.12079691

Like, how supernatural are we talking about here? Twilight sparkly vampire supernatural? Eldrich Abomination Roll Sanity Check supernatural?

You know what, let's just simplify a bit.
1. Are they flammable? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.

2. KILL MAIM BURN.

3. Run away screaming like a little girl.

>> No.12079703

/tg/, this thread made my night. Awesome, thanks for the laughs.

>> No.12079727

Age: 21

Armor:
Bitch do I look rich enough to own actual armor.

Weapons:
Machete
Glock 23
Saiga 12

Gear:
A badass black leather jacket.
Some khaki shorts.
White undershirt.
Running Shoes.
Swiss Army Knife (this thing isn't a weapon god why do people think it is)
My Car

Question is, how supernatural are we talking?

>> No.12079731

HEY INTERNET FAGS!!! WHY THE FUCK IS THERE NOT A DOUBLE CAPS LOCK!?! THIS PUNY SHIT IS INSUFFICIENT!!!

>> No.12079748

>>12079731
there is one
looks like this

>> No.12079787

Stats
Age: 19
Height: 6'6
Weight: 270

Gear
Hoddie
Jeans
size 16 boots
10 year old car that I'm willing to bust doors down with dramatically

Weapons
Axe Handle
Throwing knives

>> No.12079804

>>12079654

Tell you what, I'll just leave the sodomizing to you. Not really my thing. But you're right. We can't just fucking sit here waving our dicks around when we've got our bitches on the other side of this! When we come through, they'll be wetter than a fat kid's T-shirt during gym class!

>> No.12079812

I'll take lucky luke with shotguns and brawling because we have enough whiskey for drunken rage time.

>> No.12079820

>>12079787

>Axe Handle
>Throwing knives

HERE'S SOME DUCT TAPE, YOU UNIMAGINATIVE CUM STAIN!!! MAKE A 6-KNIVES-ON-A-STICK STYLE AXE OUT OF THAT SHIT.

I WILL FUCKING CONSUME MACGUYVER!!!

>> No.12079876

>>12079804

YEEEAAAHHHHHH!!! IT'S TIME TO FUCKING PARTY!!!!!

GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!!

>singal arbok
SUCK SHIT FROM MY OUTMOUTH, CAPTCHA, ONE PURPLE DILDO DIGIMON AINT WORTH SLUT AGAINST THOSE FUCKING SAMURAIS OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER THEY ARE!!!

>> No.12079893

>>12079820
Alright my bad, i got my head in the game now. Lets go kill these fuckers

>> No.12079939

Age: 18

Armour: FUUUUUUall I have is jeans.

Weapons: Oh boy. Plenty of homemade shit:
- Captive bolt gun
- Speargun
- Prototype railgun, unfortunately very low-powered
- Explosives. Hehe, boom.
- Untested prototype musket.
- Untested prototype dart launcher
- Small-ish trebuchet, disassembled in the shed.

Actual guns are hard to get a hold of here, you have to improvise. Just uhhhh...don't point it anywhere near yourself. There ain't no safeties, son. Also a bad idea to jostle about those 'nades.

Disadvantages:
- weedy little fucker
- weak joints

Gear:
- shitty lil' car
- shitty lil' laptop
- copies of several military and survivalist works on traps and improvised weapon manufacture

>> No.12079991

IRL? Yes.

In game? No.

But then you reach a bump in the road, because IRL I don't have a girlfriend.

>> No.12079998

>>12079939
>Weapons: Oh boy. Plenty of homemade shit:

HERE, IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO LIKE AN ILL-PREPARED THAI LADYBOY IN TO THE DEN OF GTFO-MEN-ARE-TALKING. TAKE THIS AND MAKE YOUR USELESS GARBAGE INTO ONE BIG FUCKING GUN.

NOW THROW YOUR STUPID FUCKING GEAR AWAY AND STRIP NAKED, WE'RE GONNA MAKE THOSE FUCKING ROMANS WISH WE'D NEVER RAPED THEM AS SVAGAELY AS WE'RE ABOUT TO.

>> No.12080063

My stats:

Age: 18
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 135

Armor:
Nike (shit means victory, and you better believe it.)

Weaponry:
Baseball bat.

Gear:
Running shoes.

It's fucking on. I just ran a relay race this weekend, 8 minute miles for fourteen miles, and I'm ready to go for more.

Humans are pursuit predators. You sure as hell aren't getting away from me.

>> No.12080094

>>12079998

BERSERKER? YOU WANT A FUCKING GUN THAT SHOOTS FUCKING CHAINSAWS? I'M YOUR MAN.

Seriously. I'd do it. Give me materials and tools and a poor bastard to fire the hideously-dangerous contraption, and you got yourself a chainsaw-gun. No garuntees of practicality!

>> No.12080098

>>12080063

FUCKING THRILL OF THE HUNT, BROTHER!!!

RIP AND TEAR!!!
RIP AND TEAR!!!

>> No.12080120

>>12080094
Need a test dummy? I'll try shooting anything once. Then, I'll try shooting it again. If I'm not dead, I'll keep shooting it until there's no more rounds.

>> No.12080125

>>12080098

RUNMAN HERE, I FORGOT TO MENTION, ASIDE FROM MY BASEBALL BAT, MY BODY IS A WEAPON.

I AM NOT AFRAID TO KNOCK THE ENEMY OFF A CLIFF AND SURF THEIR BODY INTO GLORIOUS OBLIVION.

>> No.12080144

>>12079727
>Swiss Army Knife (this thing isn't a weapon god why do people think it is)

I listed it as my weapon because it's the only object I own which could conceivably be used as one.

Although, I used to have a heavy 12'' piece of iron rebar lying around; no idea what happened to it though.

>> No.12080155

>>12080094

SURE THING, YOU GLORIOUS FUCK!!!

HOW DO I TIE THAT GUN TO MY COCK AND MAKE IT SHOOT FUCKING CHAINSAWS MADE OUT OF NAILS!?!

I WILL THAT DELICIOUS, BUILT-LIKE-A-12-Y/O-EXCEPT-LESS-ILLEGAL SEX KITTEN BACK EVEN IF I HAVE TO DROPKICK THOSE SOVIETS THROUGH A FUCKING HOSPITAL TO DO IT!!!

>> No.12080158

>>12079387
Dude can ride shotgun with me.

Stats:
Age - 26
Ht - 5'8"
Wt - 155lbs.

Gear:
'92 civic, loaded w/ Landscaping supplies (shovels, machete, hatchet, paving stones, beef jerky, gatorade, work boots)

Equip:
Body - Black turtleneck
Legs - Black jeans
L. Hand - Thermos of coffee
R. Hand - Punch!
Head - Sunglasses (3 pairs, I've got motherfuckin backups for when I lose them hehehe)

Skills:
Driving (Front Wheel Drive) - 5(7)
Athletics (Tae-Bo!) - 3(5)
Stealth - 2(ish)


Here's the plan... we make good time getting there since we won't have to stop for gas or snacks, punctuality is its own sort of surprise, brick through the window, you headbutt the first one out the door then its free-for-all motherfucker!

>> No.12080165

>>12080120

FUCKYEAH LETS DO THIS SHIT!

No promises you'll keep all your limbs though.

>> No.12080170

Do I have time to go home from Uni to get my shit?

Age: 20

Equipment: Leather Jacket, Jeans, Aviators

Weapons: Warhammer (not that well-made, but has a big fuck-off iron spike that could punch through a skull pretty good), shitty pocketknife

Gear:
Blackberry
Laptop

>> No.12080180

>>12080125

RIDE THE WAVE OF RAGE!!!!!!

>> No.12080184

Wait, this seems an awful lot like the premise to Scott Pilgrim.

>> No.12080202

>>12080184

EXCEPT WE'RE NOT PUSSIES

>> No.12080213

>>12080184

10+ guys with street weapons preparing to fight a group of assassins?

This is more like some kind of hellish El Topo/No More Heroes. Scott has similar elements but more... cheery.

I have to trick the Spot into porting into some razor wire and cut his throat slowly so he can't use my own speed to port the blade back at me.

>> No.12080229

>>12080213
Spot opens a portal beneath your car leading to 5 stories above your car

What do?

>> No.12080249

Not at all. As dudes go, I'm hardly bad at all. Instead, I'd recruit a crack team composed of social rejects, barely contained violent maniacs, and gun fanatics with the promise of company, violence, and booze, then set them loose on my enemies.

What? I'm no adventurer, that kind of shit is *dangerous*.

>> No.12080261

>>12080165
So long as BERSERKER brings enough tape, it's all good.

And to throw down with the rest of the thread:
Age: 24

Equipment:
Tactical Tailor plate carrier with plates
Multi-cam combat shirt, pants, and ball cap (with attached Regular Guy and ODST tabs)
Oakley boots
ESS shades with prescription inserts
Leatherman

Weaponry:
Winchester Speed pump in 12ga
M&P .45
M&P .357 SIG
1911 .45
A collection of knives (stick and go, man, stick and go)

Misc:
Military training
Military and ex-military friends to call in for back up (never said we couldn't get help)
Ability to raid ammuniton holding area

>> No.12080272

>>12080249
How much you paying? I don't do booze no more.

>> No.12080280

>>12080229

If it's because he's seen me driving at him, I've already fucked up my mission. If he's trying to get the drop on me, and I notice, I imagine I'd bail out of the car before it actually goes down and into the portal. Things still need to pass THROUGH his portals, whether through their own speed or gravity, so I'd have a bit of time.

He has a lot of portals but he can only use so many before he has none left to defend himself. Also I've never seen him open one as big as a car but I would imagine he could use several smaller ones to do so.

>> No.12080283

My stats:

Age: 20
Height: 5' 11"
Weight: 140

Armor:
- Hoodie
- Cargo pants
- Red converse
- Samurai helmet (although I probably wouldn't wear it)

Weaponry:
- Large number of guns
- Large number of swords, axes, and melee weapons
- A cluster bomb (don't ask)

Gear:
- General stuff (rope, first aid, etc...)
- Sweet ass car (Superbird)
- Some martial arts knowledge

Disadvantages:
- Not fit
- No girlfriend

ASSUMING I had a girlfriend to steal, they fucked with the wrong dude.

Probably...

>> No.12080297

I AM NOW NAKED EXCEPT FOR BOOTS.

>>12080229 ARE WE FALLING NOW? I FUCKING HOPE SO!!!

>> No.12080299

>Your girlfriend was just kidnapped by a group of supernatural assassins. Are you a bad enough dude to save her?

Girlfriend? But I'm married and faithful.

>Your wife, then.

FFFFFFFFFFFF LET ME GRAB THE CARVING KNIFE

>> No.12080311

>>12080280
Really?
Hm, I thought once as big as a car would be small potatoes

Well, I'm not a huge Spot fan, so I wouldn't know either way

Also, remember, they're expecting you to show up. Sneaking up on them would prove difficult at best.

>> No.12080323

>>12080299

DAMNED RIGHT, FOR BETTER OR WORSE INCLUDES HAVING TO BLOODILY FILET A BUNCH OF FAGGOT CROATIANS TO GET YOUR WIFE BACK!!!

WHICH IS IT COUNTING AS, THOUGH!?! BETTER, RIGHT!?!

>> No.12080327

>>12080311
Fuck it, man. Kick the door, go straight close quarters on 'em. Limit their movement, keep 'em separated, and take 'em out in onesies and twosies.

>> No.12080335

>>12080311

Not with Berserker flipping bananas. I think I've got a good shot at sneaking up on them even though they're expecting me. They'll be a little busy with everyone else, I'm going to drop off the radar for lurk and merk.

>> No.12080340

Age: 25
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 175

Armor: Under Armor
Running Shorts
Slick Kicks

Weaponry: Battle-worn Fists

>> No.12080341

>>12080327

FUCK YOU'RE RIGHT!!!

...I SHOULD BE WEARING MY "UNDER THE UMBRELLA TREE" ONESIE!!!

>> No.12080345

>>12080327
>Choosing CQC right away
>Lucky Luke, Kirby, Spot, Batman

Oh you guys are so fucked

>> No.12080358

>>12080345

I am not fucking dealing with Kirby.

I only agreed to knife the Spot.

>> No.12080368

I BODYSLAM THE FIRST ASSASSIN I SEE AND THEN HIT HIM WITH A TABLE

UNTIL HE'S FUCKING DEAD

>> No.12080376

>>12080345
They can stop twelve gauge slugs and buckshot with their faces and still be combat effective? Impressive.

Do I really need to break down Battle drill 6?

>> No.12080396

>>12080376

Y... you know what Kirby is, right? He can swallow fucking stars. Buckshot isn't going to do anything. We're fucked if you face him head on. You're better off keeping Berserker in the car while we offer Kirby sweets and snacks and shit until he puffs up and flies away out of disinterest.

There's no way he's going down from guns or trauma.

>> No.12080402

>>12080376
Batman, Kirby, and Spot can, considering 2 of them would 'eat' the bullets

Lucky Luke shoots faster than light travels, so....

>> No.12080404

>>12080368

IS HE FUCKING DEAD YET!?!

AM I EVEN HITTING HIM YET!?!

GOD, I HOPE SO, HITTING PUNK-ASS BITCHES WITH TABLES MAKES ME ORGASM

ALL OF THE ORGASMS

>> No.12080413

>>12080396
To be fair, Kirby takes massive damage from backstabs

>> No.12080426

>>12080323

>WHICH IS IT COUNTING AS, THOUGH!?! BETTER, RIGHT!?!

YES, BETTER, AS IN "YOU'D BETTER RETURN MY GOD DAMN WIFE TO ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW OR I WILL REMOVE YOUR PELVIS AND MAKE YOU EAT IT"

I WORKED HARD FOR THAT FUCKING WIFE. SHE KNOWS ALL MY KINKS AND INDULGES HER. I LOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT WOMAN.

YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU MESS WITH A MAN'S WIFE, SHIT'S GONNA GET REAL IN A HURRY

>> No.12080428

>>12080396
That Kirby? Yes, food is the answer? Batman is human, no matter how much goddamn planning he does, he's not stopping bullets unless he's wearing ceramic plates over his ENTIRE BODY. This would negate his Bat-Fu. Lucky Luke and this Spot you speak of, I do not know.

>> No.12080437

If we're going for kick-in-the-door tactics, I'll just, uh...

I'll just...

Um, I could make distracting noises, I guess.

>> No.12080455

>>12080428
Lucky Luke can shoot his shadow at point blank range before it can react.

Spot is portals

>> No.12080460

>>12080437
Feed Kirby. Feed Kirby a damn 7-11.

>>12080426
Got your back, bro.

>> No.12080469

>>12080428

BATMAN DON'T PLAN FOR TAKING A COFFEE-TABLE RIGHT IN THE SWEETBREADS. I'MA AY THAT FUCKER OUT LIKE A TRAY OF STICKY BUNS THAT NEED TO COOL BECAUSE MOM SAYS I'LL BURN MYSELF IF I EAT ONE RIGHT NOW...

STUPID BITCH, I KNOW THAT SHIT IS HOT...

TELLIN' ME LIKE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW...

>> No.12080470

>>12080455
Shadows? Tac-lights. Portals? Feed him to Kirby.

>> No.12080490

>>12080460

YES

I shall sneak through the mayhem and use my knife to open all the food in the building.

My battle plan is set.

>> No.12080519

I SCREAM OUT "RED BRANCH" AND CRASH THROUGH THE WINDOW, NAKED EXCEPT FOR BOOTS, THEN PROCEED TO HIT BATMAN WITH A COFFEE TABLE.

FUCKING TACTICS HOW DO THEY WORK!?!

BERSERKER RAGE IS EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH

>> No.12080554

Alright, I'm through beating my cock mentally for a while. Y'all have fun with 'SERKER. And remember, if it bleeds, you can kill it. If it don't bleed, feed it to Kirby.

>> No.12080597

>>12080554

NAW FUCK YOUR SHIT, I ALREADY GOT MY FUCKTOY BACK WHILE YOU COWARDLY HONKIES WEREN'T WATCHIN'. I'M GOING TO BED.

HERE, HAVE SOME BEES, I'M GONNA GO HAVE MY LADY BEAT MY COCK WITH A BAG OF THERMAL DETONATORS.

>> No.12080613

>>12080597

MAYBE CRACK OPEN A BEAR AND WATCH PLANETS DIE FROM MY METAL-ASS GRIZZLY ADAMS LOG CABIN THAT'S ALSO A SPACESHIP.

GIRL WEARS WHAT I KILL. FUCKING TITTIES AN' BEARSKINS.

AWRIGHT.

>> No.12080690

</THREAD>

>> No.12080702

>>12080455

Hand grenade takes care of Luke.

>>
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