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10610183 No.10610183 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

So here I was, praying to Allah like I always do, since I'm Muslim, and some Christian asshole takes my home and tells me I have to go back to Northern Africa. All I wanted to do was live in Spain! I didn't expect the fucking Spanish Inquisition.

>> No.10610199

No one expects the Spanish inquisition

>> No.10610205

>I didn't expect the fucking Spanish Inquisition.
That was your first mistake.


>> No.10610206

Well I guess that what you got then. Huh.

>> No.10610212
File: 51 KB, 315x236, Spanish_Inquisition_(Monty_Python).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

No one expects the Spanish inquisition!

>> No.10610216

But the Spanish Inquisition didn't come along until after Spain was unified, and you were already required to have converted to Christianity by then.

>> No.10610217


>> No.10610243


>> No.10610253
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The Inquisition didn't kick the muslims out of Spain, it was El MOTHERFUCKING Cid
pic related cuz if El Cid was a chick she would be Ivy

>> No.10610266

Welp, that was a great joke. Not. Onwards, to page 10!

>> No.10610286

Timely expression, bro.

>> No.10610289

Not saging because OP's pic is pretty hot.

>> No.10610305

El Cid treated Muslims fairly.

Hell, while he was exiled from Castille for a bit, he was WORKING for Muslims.

>> No.10610309

Real Muslims say "God" when speaking English, when will people learn this?

>> No.10610359

I take offense. My best friend is Muslim and he always says Allah.

>> No.10610372

Probably around the same time they realize that depicting Muhammad isn't actually forbidden. Or even discouraged if done respectfully.

>> No.10610432


Why would you take offense for a fictional best friend whose faith you know nothing about?

>> No.10610441

Best Alternate History Ever: When looting Al-Andalus (one of the Moorish states in occupied Spain) the Vikings decide to stay, eventually creating a ruling dynasty of muslim vikings. In Spain.

>> No.10610489

>Muslim Vikings


>> No.10610502

THIS. THOR AND ODIN. With a mix of Loki.

>> No.10610532


In another alternate history, Thorism grows into a Abrahamic-esque religion, with the abandonment of the rest of the pantheon and a shift to seeing Thor as a messianic figure intervening in our lives with the gift of salvation.

>> No.10610539

Still, can you imagine the horror inflicted on Christendom?


>> No.10610562
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Man, those Vikings get around

>> No.10610624

Thorism: where EVERY time is HAMMERTIME.

>> No.10610634

Is it wrong of me that OP's pic actually looks hotter with the hijab than it would without it?

>> No.10610640

delicious muslim

>> No.10610660

Little do they both know that they're all just a bunch of heretical Jews.

>> No.10610666
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Christianity killed Viking culture.

>> No.10610675

Muslim's are Pigs and spain belongs to Christendom.

>> No.10610680

pretty much

still be delicious brown girl either way

>> No.10610685
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I would tap dat so hard.

like the fist of an angry god

>> No.10610704



>> No.10610705

Says you, SATAN.

>> No.10610708
File: 203 KB, 679x1000, saber..jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


No no, she really is El Cid. That's what makes that game so deep and awesome!

Also, Voldo is really Edward II of England.

>> No.10610712

By providing them with too much loot, that made them fat and lazy.

Seriously, Vikings mostly jacked Christians, and really liked grabbing the phat lewt in monasteries and abbeys.

>> No.10610713


>> No.10610717
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medieval women time?

>> No.10610720

The vikings way of life split some went the way of city's and kingdoms while others stayed pillaging and killing.

>> No.10610727

why is the op so hot? she's basically a sandnigger, but she's hot...

>> No.10610738
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sure why not

>> No.10610747

For now, perhaps, but one day the Deconquista shall come, and it will sweep you Castillian curs, Aragonese assholes and Portugese prats back into the Frankish realm!

>> No.10610758
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sandniggers can be pretty hot if you find the right ones just like everyone else!

>> No.10610761

Look, I'm an atheist, but that's flat-out wrong. Christianity may have co-opted a lot of viking symbolism when it moved into Scandinavia, but the process of converting the Scandinavians took 500 years ranging from the 8th to 12th centuries, and vikings only BEGAN their decline in the 12th century, gradually fading away in the 13th.

Viking culture was killed by other nations getting their shit together so that they could actually defend coastal towns from raids, meaning that raids became harder to carry out and less profitable.

>> No.10610762
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Then it was too weak to survive.

>> No.10610768

Fictional characters don't have races like we do. They're all white, with differing skin colours.

>> No.10610773
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All this talk of vikings is making me think of victory at sea...

>> No.10610778
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>> No.10610785

Aelfred, fuck yeah.

>> No.10610790


Doesn't look Arab, or North African (Moorish). I would say most likely a Berber, the Egyptian folk who were neither the Arab muckity-mucks or the African serfs.

>> No.10610795


>> No.10610798


>> No.10610803
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>> No.10610807


What about Roman traps?

>> No.10610811
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>> No.10610812

You mean reverse traps.

>> No.10610821

lorica mammata is best lorica. works wonders in a really cramped titsudo formation.

>> No.10610830

I heard the spanish inquisition might win

>> No.10610835
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someone say camels?

>> No.10610837

Alternate History: The Phoenician Canaanites conquer the Hebrews, have sex with the Amorites. Fuck all your religions!

>> No.10610838
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You should read pic-related.

>> No.10610858

Also, Saladin, the greatest general of the muslim world, was a Kurd.

>> No.10610859

Sandniggers are to Arabs what niggers are to black people, micks are to the Irish, chinks are to the Chinese, kikes are to the Jews, crackers are to white people, and so on and so forth: the handful of assholes who justify the stereotypes that the majority of the race has to deal with.

And hot women can be found pretty much everywhere. Except maybe amidst rednecks.

>> No.10610860

camels are weak compared to the spanish calvary

>> No.10610863
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persia boots them out

>> No.10610873
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but camels cause fear to horses!

>> No.10610888

Not if the calvary have guns.

>> No.10610903

>trying to justify racial slurs by pretending they only mean the "bad" members of a race
Oh, Anon. You so white.

>> No.10610921

oh you can, it's just harder and have to single them out early. now, non-white Peruvians are hard, and Tanzania is suicide mode since any one in the upper third of sexual appeal is infected.

>> No.10610927

Go to spain everyone is white and prob racists to muslims

>> No.10610930


Persians conquer everything. FIRE EVERYWHERE!

Alternate History: Combined forces of Canaanite and Hebrew Asherah (Bride of God) cultists defeat the forces of the Prophet Jeremiah, prevent the eradication of Asherah (also preventing the transition to Rabbinical Judaism and a written Torah). Cue centuries later you have Goddess worshiping Christian and Muslim analogues.

>> No.10610946
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>> No.10610956

The romans would beat persia.

>> No.10610962

Two words:

Jewish. Khanate.

>> No.10610966

Sauce? Bad feeling it'll be another "Crusades were a Christian war of aggression and genocide" thing but it looks cool.

>> No.10610967

Judaism survives.

Seriously. That's pretty much the entire thing with Judaism: no matter what shit you pull, it survives, generally outliving the people who fucked with it in the process.

>> No.10610991

Shimon Bar Koba successfully wins permanent independence from the Romans, history gets a warrior messiah after all.

>> No.10610992
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All cultures have cool traits.
Stay classy /tg/.

>> No.10610994

alternate history: instead of eating a sammish in the way to the uni like he ussualy does an unknown student decides to take his breakfast at home, preventing the outbreak of the great war.

>> No.10611002

No the crusades were a late reaction to the invasion of
islamic forces.

>> No.10611008

The Zealots were fucking manly. Burned Jerusalem's own food supply so that the people would be forced to fight the Romans on the open field rather than try to outlast a siege.

>> No.10611010

>implying stupid, violent darkies aren't naturally inferior

>> No.10611018

Dante's Inferno, Animated Epic.

>> No.10611023

Well, the First Crusade kind of was. I mean, trade was another big motivation, but the fact is that the Crusaders left a trail of butchery behind them in every city they took, and didn't really give a shit whether the inhabitants were Muslim or Christian when they looted, murdered and raped their way through the civilians. Jerusalem was kind of the capstone of the horror.

>> No.10611060

The caliphates were religiously tolerant, generally speaking, for the time; but were extremely aggressively expansionist. A more enlightened but also encroaching culture.

Moral grayness, moral grayness everywhere.

>> No.10611076

Except the Mongols, who were pretty much real-life Khornates.

>> No.10611080

Simon Magus successfully steals the Jesus Magic from Peter, starts a church based around himself.

>> No.10611082

the only ones which are naturally inferior are those who die due to natural selection. genocide, on the other half is artificial selection. so yeah, gigantopitecus ramidus was naturally inferior, the toosie tribe was consciously pruned out of the gene pool.

>> No.10611092

They even asked the Pope if the absolution of sin extended to cannibalism.

>> No.10611098

Anthropologically speaking, the Bantu Expansion was pretty fucking impressive so I have no shit to say about Africans.

>> No.10611115

well, if anyone's supposed to know it would be the dude making sure all good catholics eat their share of Jesus flesh and drink their share of Jesus blood each mass.

>> No.10611116

Play a Christian prince of the Congo (historical fact) in the next medieval game you play in.

>> No.10611126


And then Simon Says?

>> No.10611129
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>Vikings mostly jacked Christians, and really liked grabbing the phat lewt in monasteries and abbeys.

>> No.10611133

Instead of the Cross, Constantine sees the Yellow Sign.

>> No.10611139

Of course, the original purpose was to reclaim lands conquered by the Muslims that were previously Christian.

But mostly, all that stuff was par for the course in wars those days.

>> No.10611156

good thing it wasn't a naked girl then, we'd be preaching to loli Jesus.

>> No.10611157

Actually, I was trying to wean somebody away from racism with baby steps.

First you have to differentiate "bad" members of a race from the rest of that race, then you can start in with the radical notion that being a bad person has nothing to do with your race.

>> No.10611179
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Alternate history

christianity books southwest and most of north/central africa unites under the christian banner, rivaling imperial rome (lets say carthage was small time!)

>> No.10611182

/tg/ - anthropology

>> No.10611192

Rump Spain is conquered by other Europeans before they can Reconquista, they go meh and never bother to Reconquista themselves.

>> No.10611193

>trying to reeducate someone who doesn't share your social opinons
Oh, Anon. You so white.

>> No.10611203

Caliphates are crushed out of existence by DESERT MUSLIMS.

>> No.10611206

North Africa was actually pretty solidly Christian between Constantine's time and the Arab invasions that brought in Islam. St. Augustine, for example, was IIRC a priest in what's currently Tunisia.

>> No.10611216
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Alternate History

Chinese DO like the idea of colonialism and by 700 AD, have numerous settlements on the east african coasts

>> No.10611226


>> No.10611236

On the other hand, it still looks kind of bad when you start tallying up how many Arab Christians the Crusaders killed (it was probably a pretty big number, although how big is difficult to pin down in an era before modern census-taking and statistics).

>> No.10611242

you can find hot redneck girls.

It's just that they're 15 and having sex with 30 year olds driving cheap pickup trucks.

>> No.10611246

Sure is mud people in here.

>> No.10611251

Trade was the big motive. The middle east was a crossroad between Europe, Asia, and Egypt(no one in either of the other places gave a fuck about the rest of Africa). Any trade between the 3 had to go through there and the Caliphs were making a killing off taxes. The Pope and the European kings wanted in on this.
Looting was obviously a big draw for the soldiers themselves. Also, many of the participating nobles were promised land, and the best way at the time to make sure your claim went through was to kill youever already lived there.

tl;dr :money

>> No.10611253

Vikings end up in new england and decide to colonize. battles between them and native americans spark

>> No.10611258


Had the Chinese bothered to sail to Europe they could have imperialized it, given their huge ships and impressive cannons.

But no competition, so no desire for growth.

But what if you had port cities that were effectively self-ruling?

A sort of Chinese equivalent to the Renaissance city-states, establishing all sorts of far-flung trade routes.

>> No.10611282

Nobunaga wins. No Tokugawa. Japan doesn't turn it's back on the West in the 17th century. Adopts guns, Catholicism.

Still fucking insignificant.

>> No.10611289
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Fifteen year-olds don't count. They're always hot.

>> No.10611301


didnt that like happen IRL like in the late 1800's? besides the catholicism part

>> No.10611310

naw, it has lots to do to the upbringing. people in poor areas have less access to education and slave away in dead en jobs , leaving their kids alone in home,they grow whit resentment to society at large and are more likely to go for the short term gains of crime and/or welfare leaching. people in the upper echelons are more likely to ignore their children and shut them up whit immediate gains, turning them lazy and more likely to go for the short term gains of crime and/or rich parent leaching. charismatic members on both extremes will soon learn to talk their way out of trouble and bullshit to gain immediate satisfaction, making them more likely to go for the short therm gains of crime and/or political positions where the can leach off the tax payers.

TL;DR spend time whit your kids, teach them values and how to work.

>> No.10611326

nope, down here in tacostan they're mostly obese and covered in acne, or preggers. sometimes both.

>> No.10611332

Alternate history. Stalin goes ahead with theology education. moves to america somehow. Hitler goes on with art career. moves to america somehow. they meet in new york. SITCOM!

>> No.10611351

One-up your alternate history. Chinese emperor doesn't die, stays interested in chinese exploration and colonialism. Muslims are able to drive back the mongols before they ever destroy baghdad.


>> No.10611384

Well, and religion.

It seems odd from a modern perspective, but even many of the rulers of the time really and truly believed in their religions, and therefore in their God-given duty to save souls by smiting the infidel and heretic. The temporal benefits were nice to have, but ranked more-or-less the same as the spiritual ones on the average medieval noble's priority list.

>> No.10611410

Yeah, but Japan had spent 200 years barely advancing their technology, so they went from being a bit behind (lack of general education, poor naval technology for trade), to being waaay behind. Instead they were forced open to trade with the west, and it created a big problem for Japan's rulers, who slowly began to push for modernization of their military and foreign conquests.

>> No.10611413

I approve of this.

>> No.10611415

a priest and a painter must share a loft inn late 40's new york, the ostracism caused my their heavy accents and common passive-aggressive mistrust of their Jew landlord triggers a fast friendship. none can seem to keep the greens rolling in.

>> No.10611417

Meiji restoration was all about westernization, yeah. Was pretty good for Japan. Created a ground for its imperialistic ambitions (and ww2 by extent)

>> No.10611427


It's more culture that keeps many people back. There are plenty of poor people who work and work and spend very little time with their kids so that they can grow to be more successful than they were. The time they do spend with them is spent instilling the value of hard work and such.

Meanwhile, there's a bunch of stay at home welfare leeches who do nothing but spend time at least around their kids, which shows them that they can be lazy and dumb and get away with it.

And then there's the ones who grow up in a self-destructive and backward culture, and are taught that face and touchy pride are worth more than a person's life.

>> No.10611447

Leif Ericson actually got pretty close. Landed in Canada, I believe. Don't know the details, but no permanent settlement was established, at least not one that lasted/that I remember from history class.

Would've been a real horror story for the English immigrants if they'd stuck around, though. "Oh god half the reason we left was to get away from these fucks asfdsfsdfads"

>> No.10611464

Big difference in becoming a modern power in the 1600's and becoming one in the 1800's.


Romanovs and Rasputin are burned as heretics by fanatical Orthodox militias, which usher in the Holy State of Purified Russia. Father Jugasiliv later becomes Supreme Theocrat.

Art student Adolph Hitler goes to study in Italy and hooks up with the Futurist art scene, becomes an Italian-style Fascist and brings Fascist-Futurism to Germany.

After an attempted communist revolution during the General Strike (during WWI), Lord of the Admiralty Churchill becomes the highest-ranking British official left alive and makes himself dictator for life.

FDR never improves in his polio condition, Huey Long becomes president.

>> No.10611472

Also that lives were generally shorter and typically ended in horrible demeaning disease or injuries. Glorious death in battle was a lot more attractive. Shoot think about gang-members in America today, they don't expect to live to their late 30s either. Make people fear you, don't let anyone fuck with you, probably expect to not live to old age.

>> No.10611486

Delicious muslim~

>> No.10611519

Che survives in Bolivia, in shame of defeat goes into exile.

Joins the new front of Communism in Vietnam, leading an international volunteer squadron. His unit uncovers the killing fields in Cambodia. Becomes dictator of Southeast Asian union of socialist republics.

>> No.10611534

Chances are pretty good that the settlement failed because a) there was nothing there worth the effort of maintaining it and b) the Vikings pissed off the locals enough for the locals to simply swarm them all to death.

>> No.10611538

Alternate history: Lief Erickson establishes a viking colony which leads to first contact with the Aztecs years later. Vikings become the go between civilization of Europe and the Americas, and they profit greatly. Vikings become the world's sole colonial power, eventually spreading their culture across the Americas and all the way to China. Norse mythology overshadows Christianity.

>> No.10611546

the facepride fags are the lesser trouble, they can learn quickly that hard and smart work saves face harder than violence and honor comes from the dignity we all have within, not from the opinion of hypocrites.

leaches...well, welfare must never be better than working, the state is there to keep their citizens at a minimum of health, not at a maximum of comfort. sadly we still give them cash and/or tickets they can trade for cash instead of shit-tier jobs.

>> No.10611550


Liefs group had a religious compulsion against eating fish.

Put any other group of vikings there and let them stumble upon Cape Cod. Fish galore, and plenty of lumber for shipmaking (always in short supply in the homeland).

>> No.10611554

French aristocracy is kicked by their allied generals and they take the reins of the 100 year war. crecy is won with pavise crossbows and flankers.

>> No.10611556

>Romanovs and Rasputin are burned as heretics by fanatical Orthodox militias, which usher in the Holy State of Purified Russia. Father Jugasiliv later becomes Supreme Theocrat.
Russia would never work out as a theology. If only because church never really had any power. And Stalin would never make it without joining the Party first.
Without Stalin, Trotsky would succeed Lenin.

>> No.10611564

Screw that. If you want a real POD for Southeast Asia, have Truman tell De Gaulle where to stuff himself when he asks for help recolonizing Vietnam, and then agree to Ho's request for US support. Vietnam becomes a more-or-less democratic US ally in the late 1940s, brings the rest of formerly French Indochina with it.

>> No.10611580

Another issue had to do with the protocol taken when a city was attacked. IF a city or settlement surrenders, it will not be sacked. Sporadic looting in the countryside may occur, soldiers in the city may commit crimes, but nothing on a rapacious scale.

However, these cities refused to surrender to the Christian forces and paid the price of resistance. When Saladin took Jerusalem due to the city's surrender, he played his part in this unspoken military code and spared the city. It's quite likely that this sort of thinking was simply a human product that came naturally - an ultimatum of "cooperate or else" taken to a higher scale.

>> No.10611590

>Religious ban on fish.

How is that even culturally possible?

>> No.10611595

Unfortunately the vikings never really had the kind of over-population that makes the massive effort of colonization worthwhile. Even at the height of their power, they were successful because of their quick raiding ability, they were always outnumbered in terms of national armies.

>> No.10611596


New and proven counter-communist strategy is not containment but instead making as many of the post-colonial states in Africa and corrupt dictatorships in Latin America democracies as possible (as opposed to letting them slide into communism and then propping up military dictators in counterreaction).

>> No.10611619

despite having to use 12 hour long demagogic speeches to dull the people into complying and hating the paperwork and office time that comes whit being a dictator across so many different ethnic groups he's still an idealist at heart who refuses to join the USSR in the cold war and keeps human rights violations as low as he can. so the U.S. commercial embargo on SE Asia is more lax than in Cuba, they end up being the only place where socialism is not a catastrophic failure but instead just a moderate one.

>> No.10611620
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yea it surprisingly rare to see individuals pre WW who fight REALLY dirty like say Vlad

hell even WW2 had its gentlemen like Rommel who made sure his POWs were treated fairly at hospitals and such

of course tiger tanks fucked many troops in africa so I guess you have to be nice to survivors!

>> No.10611633

Nixon beats John Kennedy in 1960, never becoming the paranoid crook he would in our world. Gets a stable European-style welfare state going without tipping the budget out of control, thanks to the magic of fiscal conservatism combined with some progressive values (see: EPA).

>> No.10611654

Plus it's just basic logistics. If a city thinks they'll be safe if they disobey you, they will. You can't afford to keep a standing army in your newly conquered city, while the population riots and tries to burn down your palace. It's not like they're trained as police. You have to either instill absolute obedience, or kill off anyone who'll stab you in the back once you leave.

>> No.10611658


Looks like one of the animated scenes from Dante's Inferno.

Also, the Crusades were in fact a Christian war of genocide and aggression. Sorry to burst your bubble on that one.

>> No.10611662

Lief Erickson landed in North America long before European colonialism. A few centuries of profits would cause a boom in Viking population. Colonialism staring in 1000 CE holds a lot of possibilities for any civilization, no matter their initial detriments.

>> No.10611666

Ben Franklin sides with britain and american revolution never occurs. Napoelon plays it smart and fucks everyone but russia. wait shit this isnt gonna work is it?

>> No.10611699


Alternatively, Nixon goes to Russia instead of China and starts an earlier detente; leading to a mixed-market Soviet Union still around to this day.

>> No.10611702

>Trotsky would succeed Lenin.
and lots of political prisoner and talented military officers would have lived longer and slowed down the decent of the USSR into a serf-destructive corruption hole. Berlin wall would have fallen just a few months ago and the cold war would have been even colder.

>> No.10611704

some crazy muslim ruler is intrigued by da vincis war machines. Tanks ensue

>> No.10611714

And, of course, understanding that democracy vs. dictatorship is the real battle, not capitalism vs. communism. Communism will inherently fail for any large and diverse economy, because it requires unrealistic expectations of human nature and (unlike capitalism) cannot be tempered with common sense without destroying the very heart of the system. Dictatorship, however, can be maintained indefinitely if left on its own, and is far more likely to try to actively destroy democracy than communism is to actively destroy capitalism (after all, communism believes that capitalism will inevitably fail, and is therefore willing to wait).

What this means is that, even if a country elects leftists to power, don't start screwing with their government unless their government screws with the democratic process.

>> No.10611722

If Franklin sided with Britain, I think ol' Boney may have had a bit more trouble with the Brits.

Not that he ever got the best of them in the real world, mind you.

>> No.10611723


picture sauce?

>> No.10611744


Nixon's progressive (but fiscally conservative) social conservative wing takes over the Republican Party while the Democrats convert to neoliberal economics while maintaining their social liberalism.

Progressive-Conservatives (fiscally responsible) and Classical Liberals (inflationary) as the two main political movements in America.

>> No.10611759

Alright. So a Crusader Kings question to you people who play it that are here: If the father is Castillian, and the mother is Arab, what will the child be?

I already know that the religion will be of the Father's religion, but what will the ethnicity?

>> No.10611764

Contextualization in historical analysis is everything - imagine trying to apply modern day ethics or social thinking to Imperial Rome. And yet such situations tend to get a pass because there is very little one can identify with them.

The Crusaders, being Christians, have - on the skin level - an easy link that allows some to avoid this contextualization. A similar examination can be the differences between dealing with Natives during the Conquest - the hard-bitten mercenaries fresh off of centuries of crusading in Andalusia had very different values, mentalities, and moralities than the Jesuit priests in the East (Xavier & Ricci) , or the Franciscan, Dominican and Augustinian friars - and even the differences between them on morality would take considerable generalization and discussion!

>> No.10611766

The British military really does launch a coup against that one "even left for Labour" Prime Minister. You know the guy.

>> No.10611770

Reconquista never happens, or is won by the other side. Spain stays in the hands of the Moors and remains a reasonably tolerant multiethnic state instead of becoming very christian and very xenophobic. 1492 rolls around and all of a sudden Madrid is burred under a mountain of silver pulled out of Mexico. Moorish Tercios kick ass all over Europe in a series of East vs West battles between Christianity and Islam. Also, Muhammad is brough to the Aztecs in a slightly less invasive manner than Jesus was.

>> No.10611790

>welfare must never be better than working, the state is there to keep their citizens at a minimum of health, not at a maximum of comfort.

Y'know, we're at the point now where only 80% of the labor force, slacking off American style, still manages to produce about half again as many goods and services as we can reasonably use. Why do you suppose advertisers resort to what amounts to brainwashing?

As technology improves, it's only gonna get worse: eventually it'll get to the point where most of the population *can't* work, becuase there isn't anyone to buy the stuff they make. And if *they* can't afford the stuff you make, well there goes *your* job.

If you've got a better solution than the welfare state, I'd love to hear it.

>> No.10611800

morisco, he'll hit a magical crystal ceiling if he goes politico, priest or millie but commerce is A'OK and even encouraged if he's willing to hardsell to scare off the Jew bankers.

>> No.10611813

Random chinese bring byzantium schematics for hwatcha. byzantium solidify their power for more than half a century

>> No.10611817


Napoleon joins the British Navy at a young age, as he once intended. After his enlistment period goes on to become the pirate king of Corsica.

>> No.10611822

Are you in Castille? What is the year?

If you're talking later times in CK you must remember that in Spain there was a movement in those later times known as the "limpieza de sangre" - purity of blood. This is most well known during the period AFTER the conquest and applied especially to Muslims, Jews and their 'conversos' - or the the newly converted (Though popular thought of the time held that they were 'secret jews'), 'morranos' and 'morriscos'.

However its stirrings occured much before though no statutes were ordered at the time. In other words: What's the year and the progress of the Reconquista?

>> No.10611827
File: 6 KB, 116x129, face10.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Use high taxes to colonize Mars!

>> No.10611831

Most likely the culture of the father, also more likely to go the direction of the county they're raised in. So if the mom is arab, and you send him off to foster with his mom's side of the family, it's more likely to be arab.

>> No.10611837

Itt - Civilization IV

>> No.10611848

>Nixon beats John Kennedy in 1960,

>never becoming the paranoid crook he would in our world.


>> No.10611849

the crusades were bad fucking ass, the only war that was based around quote unquote "LETS FUCK THOSE FUNNY LOOKING BITCHES UP" that led hundreds of thousands of troops to fight an enemy they didn't know in a land they knew less off and dominate through sheer brute force. they did however lose to sheer stupidity but that doesn't make it an less intensely manly.

>> No.10611865

The main issue of that is the massive influx of gold and silver actually served to weaken Spain. It would likely end up that in its degraded forms and given the larger armies being fielded, an alternate Charles V can marshal Europe into striking through Andalusia with the personal desire of his being to add Spain to his Dominion.

After all, he descended from Castilian heritage, who better to lead the banner of a new (and yet another) Crusade into Spain?

>> No.10611866

But China did sail to Europe.

At least according to this. http://www.amazon.com/1434-Magnificent-Chinese-Ignited-Renaissance/dp/0061492175

>> No.10611872

heh makes sense

or rise of mother fucking ages!

Where were you when the indians invaded normandy?

>> No.10611884

Massive alternative: Christianity decides lending money is OK. Jews no longer have the economic advantage, but also don't have the economic stigma.

Not sure if that'd end up being a net positive or negative for the jews, but the christian world's economy would've grown a lot faster if moneylending was widespread earlier.

>> No.10611888

Three Mile Island is much much worst, the same with an Exxon-Valdez analogue.

They combine to turn the Greens into a political force within America in the 90's, eventually becoming an influential wing in the Democratic Party.

>> No.10611890

I'm a hardcore social Darwinist, my plans for heavy natality control and state meddling in the commerce and other sensitive areas will derail this thread down to a name-calling shit fest, so sorry, I'll have to admit we're in a bad place and getting out of it might get lots of us in a worse one even is some of us think it's for the benefit of the later generations.

>> No.10611905

WTF? When did /tg/ become anthropologists? The knowledge being displayed in this thread is scaring me.

>> No.10611909

yes unlikely, that's why it's a second condition to meet instead of a logical conclusion.

>> No.10611934

History class can be pretty fucking fun if you fuck around with it

that one fucking indian civilization that was super advance never dies out. creates more cities in neighboring lands, even southern china

>> No.10611935


Without that loss and the perceived notion of the New England elitists using dirty tactics to win, Nixon probably could have avoided doing anything so massively stupid in his natural paranoia as Watergate.

>> No.10611946

There was money lending, you just had to do it in a very round-a-bout way. "I'll lend you some money but you will owe me money if you done pay it back by X. The date X is far too soon for the borrower to pay back so they will pay late and pay the late penalty which conveniently is the same amount as a fair sum of interest.

>> No.10611958

China was hugely powerful during their height, and at one time the emperor was funding expeditions that were starting to go round Africa's cape and seek new trading partners. Then the emperor died, the court took over, and burned their fleet.

Some of the biggest possible changes of history are based on amazingly small changes, like what if so-and-so had just lived 1 more year. Same with the mongol horde, they were primed to start seriously fucking Europe, the way they had destroyed the middle East, but then the khan died and things got real disorganized for a while.

Before that, the Muslims were waaaay more powerful than Europe, but they never really recovered from that setback, and it changed the whole balance of power.

>> No.10611979

it wold be a moderate benefit, whit no economic stigma the discrimination would be less virulent, the years of pacific co-existence might lead to religious tolerance and a "love thy neighbor" attitude towards fellow judeochristian doctrines. they'd both still shun cross-marrying.

>> No.10611983

Alexander the Great converts to Buddhism while in India.

Napoleon converts to Islam while in Egypt.

Anglican England allies itself with the League of Protestant Princes in the Holy Roman Empire.

The Hanseatic League (a real life merchant state) survives to the present day.

>> No.10611987

I'm playing Aragon (The starting court is of Castillian Blood.) and the year is 1092. The father is Castillian and the mother is Arab. I'm ASSUMING the son's ethnicity would be Castillian, and his religion Catholic, like his father.

>> No.10611998

Alexander wouldn't have been bound by any religion!

>> No.10612001

The vikings settle eastern america

The chinese arrive later but in great numbers on the west coast of america.

Along the greater mid west the two sides break into all out WAR

The Kingdom of Vinland rallies the clans and marches thousands of its viking berserkers and native slave soldiers. Canoes and long boats ride up the river ways of America.

The Ming Expeditionary Force marches across this strange land in massed formations armed with their powerful and awe inspiring cannons.

Free natives see their traditional viking enemies and this new yellow imperialist peril and form a loose confederation of tribes to resist both.

>> No.10612009

True, he was always a crook. Amend that to "gets away with it" like so many other presidents.

>> No.10612028

if he's royalty his ethnicity will be Castillian, or at least he'll be raised as one and have all their privileges, which amounts to the same.

>> No.10612031


I just wanted to say that while more advanced than europe, the middle easy was already in the throes of decay by the time the mongols burned it to the ground.

>> No.10612033


On the Anglican England one, I think they would've shrugged. England was just not a major player at that time. The only moderately exciting thing they ever did was try to conquer France when it was amidst a terrible famine, rising usurpers, civil war, plague rocking its armies, and court disunity.

And they still fucked it up.

>> No.10612038


>> No.10612057

COULD his ethnicity be Arab if he isn't royalty? (If the son was born to a courtier.)

>> No.10612071

welcome to /tg/: theoretical anthropology and genealogical studies.

>> No.10612082

Napoleon drives Wellington off the field in Waterloo.

Brussels is taken and both the British and Prussians are knocked out of the war.

However a gigantic russian and austrian army are on route....

Does Napoleon welcome back Murat, the disgraced but still flamboyantly exceptional cavalry commander? Does Napoleon ask for military aid from America overseas? Does the former confederacy of the rhine think to side with their former emporer? Does poland try another revolt?

>> No.10612102

CK QUESTION: Starting in the 1066 scenario. What Spanish faction should I start as? I normally go Aragon, but I feel like trying something else.

>> No.10612123

I guess so, if he's raised in a mostly Arab household. fist generation mestizos are hard to pin down unless there's an established caste system.

>> No.10612141

Go with Navarre. Re-unite the Kingdom of Pamplona. They're in a position to dick Aragon early game.

>> No.10612154

He would be considered by blood Castilian and by religion Catholic. In those earlier days the distinction was made chiefly by religion before blood - I would think it to be a choice made out of practicality. The visigothic kingdoms that had existed were conquered easily and at one point Arab dominion held sway over the whole of Spain.

In other words, limpieza de sangre would not have yet existed as an idea except among the smallest radical segments - the idea of 'race' and 'color' is not always the issue we see today, after all.

Behind closed doors, whispering voices may speak about the son's heritage - but any issues that may arise will come about as questions of his faith.

>> No.10612158

You're thinking of Culture.

You've also obviously never played Crusader Kings, which is what I'm asking about.

>> No.10612169

Normans fail to invade british isles and saxons stay in power

100 year war occurs with surviving norman linage in france spurring french to invade the british isles.

>> No.10612183

To fully separate their identity from Britain and to emulate their Roman ideal, the young United States makes Latin the official language.

When the Mexican revolution comes around, they do the same.

By the modern day the two have been in a political union (like the United Kingdom, but with Republics) for quite a while.

>> No.10612184

Why do they fail? What element changes? Do the Normans just shrug half-way as Willaum barks at them, "DON'T MAKE ME TURN THIS BOAT AROUND BECAUSE I WILL, YOUNG MAN AND YOU'LL BE SORRY" ?

>> No.10612185

I've only played doom, never got into vidyas.

>> No.10612223

The Dutch utilize their coal for industry, combining their unmatched naval power with unmatched (proportional) land power.

>> No.10612225

I've always wondered what would have happened if Simon Bolivar managed to create his United States of South America...

>> No.10612238
File: 218 KB, 1058x723, 9eba8e4b55b1491b04b404b832f0affde0d54288.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

america congratulates japan for their superb power pre and post ww1. germany is somewhat forgiven. russia with its past history with the ottomans, takes huge chunks of the middle east for themselves.

WW2 occurs with massive combine armies of Russia and china stomping around everywhere.

>> No.10612251

1 - Don't think it would've mattered, he died too soon and his empire never held together
2- Same deal. He had amazing military victories but never really effected lasting social change.
3-League is more powerful, a few other important members join, decides to fight instead of disbanding. Probably still loses, but rips apart the HRE, crippling the growth of trade and mercantilism in Germany. Religious war results in the destruction of many monastaries, crippling beer production techniques for years to come. Bad End :(
4 - The Hansa eventually becomes a centralized nation based around the north sea, limiting Germany's naval power into the 1900s. Although Germany's blitzkrieg tactics are able to crush the Hansa's limited military powers, they are unable to build catch up to France and England's powerful navies. Germany never opens up a front in Africa, and France has the time to reinforce the areas around the Maginot line, while British troops are able to land reinforcements without resistance. Germany is driven back and crushed within a year. Russia siezes eastern Europe with their fresh, undamaged military. Europe chooses not to fight it, leading to a long cold war.

>> No.10612255

Harold doesn't take an arrow through the eye at Hastings, William does.

>> No.10612264

umm well

freak sea storm damages ships. 1/3 fall back to normandy. 1/3 end up in the wrong coast. the rest arrive 2 weeks after the real life event and find themselves outmatched

>> No.10612267


The United Provinces of Central America, Gran Columbia, Peru, and Chile in a patchwork quilt of alliances.

Bolivar, San Martin, and O'Higgins triumverate.

Not going to last.

Then the US offers alliance in early Munroe Doctrine.

Brings some stability.

>> No.10612272


Alexander *was* a religion. If he had lived to a ripe old age, we might have ended up with an analogue to Christian Rome 600 years early.

>> No.10612299


Can you imagine some weird revivalist movement?

"Christ Alexander"

>> No.10612311

Alexander was more of a lifestyle, he'd ended up imperial Rome.

>> No.10612319

...that sounds sweet

>> No.10612322

The Hermetics (as in the Greco-Egyptian magical tradition) actually were considered an official People of the Book by Islamic civilization, for a while.

Fun fact.

>> No.10612343


Is America in 1814--war of 1812 Or no--in any economic position to send more than a token force to Europe?

Would the cause of a European self-proclaimed emperor have any traction at all with the American political elite?

>> No.10612375


She even has the Cross Of Jerusalem! <3

>> No.10612378

Then the recently liberated Mexico offers alliance in clear violation of it's own constitution.


>> No.10612407

Not really. France and America were totally Bros though, but America just didn't have the resources or the navy to send an army across the ocean to fight for a foreign war. Especially considering how many domestic threats they had to worry about. America was a local power, but no way could they project force like that, the technology and infrastructure just wasn't there yet.

>> No.10612408


Well dictator for life or not, the french helped the americans gain independance and sold them a shit ton of land for cheap.

I think there's some camraderie between them, however probably not enough to warrant a significant army sent over seas.

Attacking british colonies however.... that's something in America's capacity.

>> No.10612410

Eisenhower declines to run again, due to heart trouble. Republicans nominate Walt Disney.

Japan loses the Russo-Japanese war, fails to combat the early spread of communism within it's borders (which it handled tidily in our world), eventually undergoes a revolution.

>> No.10612412
File: 94 KB, 500x490, Spanish Inquisition.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

am I late?

>> No.10612431

>Does poland try another revolt?

of course they do.

>> No.10612441

The book "Gesselschaft and Gemeinschaft" is read by a few influential people and corporatism becomes a popular ideology long before it's tainted by fascism.

>> No.10612476

the newly formed "people's republic of the great Nippon" quickly becomes a dictatorship, re-instates isolationism, becomes yellow Cuba.

>> No.10612480
File: 7 KB, 127x186, HA! HA! HA! HA!.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.10612489

>Eisenhower declines to run again, due to heart trouble. Republicans nominate Walt Disney.

Who did the Dems run in 1956? Because yeah, I can't see Walt being taken seriously as a politician.

Reagan was 25 years later, and he had Screen Actors Guild politics and a governor's mansion under his belt.

>> No.10612492

1898 - Cuba achieves independence.
1908 - Tunguska episode.
1914 - British and French invade Germany.
1917 - Henry Cabot Lodge successfully advocates America stay out of Europe's war. Bolshevics fail coup and are eradicated.
1918 - Germany requests ceasefire.
1919 - Treaty of Versailles ends the Great War. European Trade Organization forms and succesfully heals the wounds of the Great War, avoiding the Great Depression.
1921 - Russia closes borders and ends all communication with the outside world. The Russian Wall constructed along border.
1930 - Accepted membership into ETO solidifies German government and leads to the ridicule of the hard line Nazi party.
1935 - Isolationist America accelerates its weapons programs, including Tesla's VTOL design.
1944 - US develops the first nuclear bomb.
1948 - MI6 intercepts Russian propaganda of the looped message "brotherhood, strength, and fortitude... in the face of the Angry Night". Two days later the receiving radio station overloads mysteriously electrecuting 5 people.
1949 - Global cooling continues, almost completely ending the summer season for most of Europe. Strange animal behavior reported as Ukrainian cattle rush westward.
1950 - Chimera break through the Russian Wall, overwhelm European defenses, and erradicate all mainland European populations.

>> No.10612514

this thread is one of the reasons why I love /tg/

It's like the only board that actually -likes- the things it talks about. /a/ hates anime, /tv/ hates tv, /b/ hates everything, and /ck/ REALLY hates cooking.

/tg/ isn't afraid to actually enjoy things.

>> No.10612532


Call of Cthulhu campaign?

>> No.10612544

/sci/entist here, and you couldn't be more right. /tg/ is definitely the most fun loving board. I've never played a DnD or 40K, I just love /tg/.

>> No.10612545

instead of the big Adolf the Nazi party decides to use a more moderate (and slightly less charismatic ) frontman, turns out he's opposed to violent acts against minorities and popularizes more passive-aggressive forms of discrimination, Romas revolt.

>> No.10612554

Resistance: Fall of Man.

>> No.10612573

Sometimes /b/ doesn't hate things, you'll never know what they are going to do.

>> No.10612584

it's the alternate timeline from Resistance - Fall of Men.

>> No.10612603

/b/ is truly random, they even sometimes DO things.

>> No.10612641

It's really in depth for a video game timeline. Too bad I hated the game.

>> No.10612643

actually, /co/ likes comic and cartoons and the smaller boards are pretty neat with their stuff as well if you care to visit them. /an/,/trv/, /n/... /ck/ belongs to /co/ though, keep your filthy hands away!

>> No.10612672

yeah same. the site is made up pretty nicely though, you can check the complete timeline there.


>> No.10612688

That is how I typed out the timeline in this thread. :P

>> No.10612710

Alexander lives to conquer Arabia and Italy. His heirs expand in all directions, including deeper into Africa from Egypt, building roads and starting villages along the way.

Bavaria, rather than Prussia, unifies Germany under a single monarchy.

>> No.10612755

/co/ likes batman. Not quite convinced about the rest of it.

>> No.10612757

/po/ is too bussy foldan and stencilan to notice it's raids, and /d/ is too widespread for it's own good, fetishists are by nature isolationists, no wonder they have troubles tolerating each other,

>> No.10612791

Other alternates I've heard are a world where phlogiston (a real life incorrect element people believed in) is harnessed in the Enlightenment but it's use drains heat from the universe and creates an ice age, a "Futurist Axis" retro-scifi WWII, and Texans discovering anti-matter in a magnetic bottle due to a early Roswell crash and becoming the premier American power.

Henri Coanda's 1904 jet engine is a success, the supersonic age comes decades early.

>> No.10612797


Oh god, I drawfagged you three fucking years ago.


>> No.10612833

of all those only the later doesn't hinge in physics violations.

>> No.10612848

Every board on 4chan likes Berserk. This is a fact.

>> No.10612872

/o/ likes berserk?

>> No.10612874

Hell yeah trolls raping little girls. (That is berserk, right?)

>> No.10612891


>> No.10612898
File: 112 KB, 494x600, 494px-Troll.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

if it's THESE trolls then yes

>> No.10612905

I think the trolls only raped women old enough to get pregnat.

>> No.10612923

"little" is different now.

>> No.10612965


Antimatter in a magnetic bottle, and aliens crashing at Roswell are theoretically possible. This week.

>> No.10612986

but Roswell is NOT in Texas.

>> No.10613007


>> No.10613053


>> No.10613058


... It could be, if we alternate-history-fy some more and have the Texan Republic annex New Mexico and Phoenix before it joins the Union.

>> No.10613074


Texas Rangers roamed far and wide. They brought back the magnetic bottle with them.

The US can get the rest of the ship.

>> No.10613148

oh, you meant the REPUBLIC of Texas and the CONTINENT of America?? then OK, it's feasible, assuming it was an alien crash, they did carry a magic bottle in their " non-interventionist scientific survey trip " and it dint crack turning west Texas into a subatomic fuckfest.

>> No.10613155

>Bavaria, rather than Prussia, unifies Germany under a single monarchy.

I don't think you quite understand how this unification thing happened...

>> No.10613205
File: 19 KB, 388x226, redhairedmummiesloubeaut.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Celtic tribesmen and Chinese sweep the world.
Kilts, Plaid, and Claymores, Silk and gunpowder.

Goodbye Rome.....




>> No.10613382
File: 1.01 MB, 1920x1200, American Hardocre Eagle.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


The United States Of America was destined and intended to eventually liberate and be a nation of ALL the Americas. Thats why its called the USA

One day we will reunite the continent.

>> No.10613412
File: 355 KB, 500x330, meanwhileinamerica.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.10613426

the American constitution and bill of rights, not the modern day legislature abortions and biparitdism. at any rate, I'd rater be Bolivarian than Jefersonite.

>> No.10613452



I was wondering...you know, what if he hadn't gone out cause of munchies?

>> No.10613458


30 million Canadians might be cool with that. 800 million Latinos? Only if Spanish becomes the official language anf you move the capital to Quito.

>> No.10613462

Washington makes sure parties never form. Prevents future stagnation and overzealous partisanship.

>> No.10613472

Think SPANISH INQUISITION, only worse.

They'll all be American, speak English, and become protestants.


>> No.10613474


Because obviously Crusader women are HOT

And realistic too. Quite often, women were in battle or even leading forces. You have to remember a lot of Crusaders literally sold everything they had and took their families with them. It was Jerusalem or Bust

One more reason why Crusades are awesome.

>> No.10613483

>implying Brazil will not HUEHUEHUE the capital over to brazilia

>> No.10613513


>Implying that a Brazil that has it's shit together won't abandon Brasillia and move the capital back to Rio where it belongs.

>> No.10613538

AFTER we've forced the retarded monkey-populations of the south to slave workers in the mines (No escape from these places either, they live and die there) and driven the northern cowards into exile, ofcourse.

>> No.10613550
File: 46 KB, 700x464, Bread_and_Circuses_206.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Rome remains strong, crushes christianity, succesfully defeats/absorbs the barbarian tribes and keeps expanding, creating a single, culturally united european empire. Science fluorishes.
Then one day, in India, they meet the advance parties of the Chinese...

>> No.10613551

come on mang, we practically OWN the country already, you why Obama won? because there was no Mexican candidate.

>> No.10613583

>plays the race card

OK Republican

>> No.10613588

You're not helping what people think of Americans, you know that?

>> No.10613604


Oh. You're a troll.

>> No.10613673
File: 244 KB, 510x599, 1268040447961.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Well OBVIOUSLY Canada annexation...I mean that goes without saying! Its the destiny - the Canadian colonies were ready to rebel too, but the letters to the invitation of the Continental Congress got lost on the way. Also, big British base in BC.

One day, Canada will be one.

Also, if you doubt that America was destined to preside over all America...it was called the CONTINENTAL Congress.

>> No.10613708


Nice idea, but kinda stupid - for one, Rome was the country that MADE Christianity - as in, if Rome hadn't converted to Christianity, there would be none today.

Also, fuck off if I'd let the Chinese invade India. And China nor India were unified entities then (the British were ironically the ones who united the subcontinent into the Indian Empire)

>> No.10613729


Its okay, you scum in the Old World will feel the wrath of the New

>> No.10613734

again, the funding fathers had huge ideals, ideals all the continent shared back then. modern day politicos have different ideas, and the rest of the continent doesn't like 'em

>> No.10613744

protip: most America hate is made by Latinos.

>> No.10613760

>if Rome hadn't converted to Christianity, there would be none today.

>> No.10613772

>one day

>> No.10613795

There would be no Christians in the world if Rome hadn't converted. It would be another failed cult.

>> No.10613800


Christianity became what it is today when Emperor Constantine converted. It went from being a persecuted religion into the dominant

>> No.10613808

...yes, and?

>> No.10613809

Just like Judaism, right?

>> No.10613819

if you think thats goofy, the Mongolians used to be Christian, Jewish, pagan, Buddhist, etc - in fact, they proposed several times to make a united front with the Europeans to try to crush Islam. We wouldn't be dealing with this problem (Islam) if they didn't think it was a prank or too focused on domestic issues

Instead, the tribes largely converted and we ended with fucking Tamerlane

>> No.10615126

Alternate scenario - Jerusalem doesn't fall to the Muslims. Instead, they slowly expanded till modern day Iraq, Jordan, Syria, etc are the Kingdom.

What would happen?

>> No.10618132

Tis was a really really good thread

>> No.10618289
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>> No.10618507

What if operation sealion had worked?

>> No.10618619

I make the third post, go to bed and wake up to see this thread still here...

>> No.10619832

Then we'd know that the Nazi experiments with the occult were successful, because the only way Sealion succeeds is with the help of Alien Space Bats.

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