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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.10401727 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

"Sir, Xenos ship decloaking off port bow. Sensors indicate Romulan warbird."
"Shields up, open a hailing frequency."
"Hailing, sir?"
"Yes, we don't know for sure their intentions are hostile, and I won't be the first to open fire. Don't power up phasers until I say to."
"Sir, I am relieving you of command."

>> No.10401744

cheap comedian

>> No.10401747

>> No.10401759

Depends a lot on what chapter marine is from.

>> No.10401765

It's funny because humans in the Warhammer setting are highly xenophobic, and their behavior would therefore appear strange and out of place in settings featuring non-hostile relations between humans and aliens!

>> No.10401786

>>10401747

fuck yea!

>> No.10401791

What I want to know is how he reacts to Data

>> No.10401850

Actually, I'd be really interested reading a story about a Space Marine stumbling into an alien-friendly setting and having to learn diplomacy as opposed to humanity fuck yeah kill the xenos scum etc. etc.

Classic fish-out-of-water story.

>> No.10401853

>>10401791

like he would to any other techpriest

>> No.10401858

>>10401850

Preeeeeeeeety sure the space marine wouldn't be learning anything except that phasers are distinct from meltaguns.

>> No.10401863

>>10401853

Data counts as an Iron Man, potentially. Depending on how much the marine knows of the dark age, he could be instantly hostile.

>> No.10401872

>>10401858
Stun?
These things have a setting called "stun"?
Fuck, I'm *stunned* just hearing about that.

>> No.10401873

>>10401858
Well, some other human character then. You get what I'm trying to say, right?

>> No.10401886

>>10401863
The Emperor ordered all AI's illegal. I'm pretty sure the marine knows.

>> No.10401888

>>10401850
It happens in canon. There's a story in the old tau dex about a diplomatic mission into tau space with a marine escort. He seems to dislike the job.

>> No.10401893

>>10401873

Yeah, I know.

>> No.10401904

We will never understand that Space marines are generally willing to parley and negotiate with xenos or even heretics if it will put them in a better position.

We will never understand that Space marines are generally described as highly intelligent and reasonable.

We will never understand that all the xenos races are rightly hated, no matter how much they look like humans. Eldar, for all their similarities, are still just another faction that will sacrifice all of the million worlds of the Imperium for one eldar, just as the Imperium would do.

We will always come up with situations that make me lol like this one, despite mediocrity.

>> No.10401926

>>10401904
We will never understand it because the GW fluff department keeps telling us that in the 41 Millenium, there is only grimdark and war, and that all xenos are KOS, regardless of what any other fluff says

>> No.10401929

>"Sir, I am relieving you of command."

>> No.10401960

>>10401929
It is when you're nine foot tall and have a rocket propelled grenade launcher as your standard sidearm

>> No.10402003

>>10401960
>8 feet tall

>> No.10402031

>>10402003
Eight foot then. My point remains

>> No.10402036

"Do we have the Warp here?"
"Yes, Marcius. This ship can travel up to warp 7.2 safely, and up to warp 9.8 in emergency conditions."
"No, I don't mean the engine. I mean the corrupting tear in the fabric of reality, from which demons pour out, that infests the hearts of men and turns them into chaos-spawned wretches."
"... ... No, we don't have that."
"Fuck it, I'm grabbing me some alien bitches."
"I hear that, Marcius."

>> No.10402042

>>10401960
I now want an image of a power armored space marine with star fleet garb over his power armor.

DRAWFAAAAAAAAAAAAAGS!!!!
ASSEEEEEEEEEEEEMBLE!!!!

>> No.10402047

>>10401926
We will never understand that in a setting so large as 40k, people tend to pick and choose what they regard as canon. For example: Ollanus Pius. Many people regard the story of Pius as canon, despite him being taken out of the official Horus Heresy story.

For that matter, one could regard most canon fluff as being told from the imperium's side, as propaganda, so that citizens don't step out of line. Best to let the elite deal with the xenos, on either diplomatic or martial ends. The uneducated masses should not.

>> No.10402074

>>10402047
Ollanius Pius wasn't taken out, only changed to an ImpFist/Custodes.

>> No.10402077

>>10402042
I see him being told to do some menial tasks by worf, and a stare down commences. Worf's wrinkled brow versus the faceless visage of an astartes helmet.

Ends in warp factor five head-shattering headbutt.

>> No.10402101

>>10402047
We will not, because that's how the Goram game is written!

>> No.10402174

>>10401727
Get's into a fight with the Whesly kid and loses.

>> No.10402181

>>10402077
And then the two of them become some weird sort of friend-enemies, because, well, fuck it, you've got to respect an honest headbutt like that.

>> No.10402185

>>10402174
Touché

>> No.10402197

>>10402042

DO WANT.

>> No.10402229

Request a space marine version of Jean-luc Picard.

>> No.10402262

>>10401904

>heretics if it will put them in a better position.

.....

Do pic related, please.

>> No.10402277

>>10401926
>Does not know about Dante chapter master of the BA forming an alliance of all Xenos races, IG and other space marine chapters in his surrounding sectors in order to defeat the massive Tyranid swam heading their way

>> No.10402285

>>10401853
So he scoffs and goes "Neeeerd!" and then laughs... and then wonders why everyone, Data included, is not laughing with him. Then gets embarrassed and quietly apologizes?

>> No.10402292 [DELETED] 

>>10401725
b09e6712cb6c36342962bd6e9860d7db kindly re move you r ille gal clo ne and give back our dom ain chrisb ear pol e see http:// tinyurl . com / 36wo8m5

>> No.10402317

First Officer Space Marine goes through crisis of faith. After coming to terms with a universe where there is no known Emperor of Mankind, the Marine attempts to take his own life. Failing to do so, he has a revelation that this is simply a trial bestowed upon him by none other than the Emperor, who has provided an avatar in the form of Picard in order to prepare him for a world where the temporary alliances with xenos become more permanent in order to wipe out the true threats.

Also includes badass fight scene between Space Marine and Worf and Riker being promoted to Captain of his own vessel with the purposes of diplomacy, which he conducts entirely with his penis.

You know. The obvious stuff.

>> No.10402362

>>10402317
seriously though the borg is everything Space Marines are taught to hate. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

>> No.10402368

>>10402317

I have nothing against Worf, but barring phasers set to maximum, everyone on the Enterprise at the same time could not hope to scratch a space marine.

>> No.10402373

> diplomacy, which he conducts entirely with his penis.

Literary gold.

>> No.10402385

>>10402362

What makes the borg any more deserving of hate than regular Xenos?

>> No.10402403

>>10402373
it worked for kirk

>> No.10402420

>>10402403
Everything works for Kirk. Even when it fails it works for Kirk.

>> No.10402432

>>10402385

Probably because they hark back to the Iron Men from the Dark Age of Technology, where human-created AIs developed their own programming and decided that all humans, everywhere in the galaxy, needed to be killed. For good.

The Emperor outlawed all AIs as a result, though the lingering essences of them (Machine Spirits and so on) are still around.

Plus, assimilating? Turning away to effectively be corrupted by the Xenos? Imperium doesn't like that.

>> No.10402446

"A pathetic and rickety corvette-class ship emerging from the Warp, captain".
"... that's a Borg cube, Commander Marcius."

>> No.10402461

>>10402446
"IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE CATHEDRALS ON IT. HOW CAN I SHOOT AT SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T HAVE CATHEDRALS ON IT?"

>> No.10402532

>>10402432
I think there is still some AI left.

>> No.10402535

>>10402461
"Man the boarding torpedoes and arm the melta charges, we take the fight to them! What do you mean 'No boarding'? Are you gay or something?"

>> No.10402544

>>10402461
>>10402446
I lol'd so much...

>> No.10402560

A space marine wouldn't be able to achieve shit in the Star Trek universe. His caveman attitude would be stonewalled infinitely.

>> No.10402593

I honestly have no idea why the Borg have cube shaped ships. It would make stacking them easier, but I've never come across a situation in which starships need to be stacked.

>> No.10402600

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME

>> No.10402607

>>10402535
"UNLEASH THE BROADSIDES!"
"We don't have broadsides"
"We... Oh, COME ON, Brother Picard. Now you're just pulling my progenoids. Even filthy Eldar Xenos pansies have broadsides".
"..."
"Allright, what do we have?"
"We have a phaser array"
"Good, good. What is that?"
"It is a beam of intertwined dimensional technobablonium which..."
"A beam weapon, got it. How many we have? Twenty? Fifty?"
"... two".
"..."
"..."
"YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE, BROTHER PICARD"

>> No.10402615

>>10402560
Space Marines would find that the people in Star Trek have access to a material replication device, and would immediately see that there would be no purpose for war, and would immediately chill out and kick back with brews and klingons.

>> No.10402644

>>10402607

DON'T SASS ME NIGGA, STATS SAY WE GOT TEN PHASER 'ARRAYS,' GO BITCH TO THE SPECIAL EFFECTS TEAM

>> No.10402649

This thread started with fail and is climaxing to utter lulz inducing win.

>> No.10402723

".... the fuck is that?"

"A Bat'leth."

"So you use it to skin some kind of ginormo-orange on your home planet?"

"It's our ancestral weapon!"

".... weapon? Seriously, fuck this universe."

>> No.10402729

>>10402607
"And what is this? Your chief Techpriest only has a hairband in place of eyes. How long has he been in the Adeptus before transferring here? FIVE MINUTES?"
"Captain, requesting permission to put the transgressor in the brig"
"YOU AND WHICH TYRANID SWARM, YOU RIDGE-FACED ABHUMAN?"

>> No.10402746

Pre-Ward Blood Angels/Mentors would love the federation.

Minus their fucking retarded ban on genetic engineering that only exists on the shitty TV show.

>> No.10402806

>>10402746
Yes we would, but we're in the minority

>> No.10402834

>>10402806
NOW YOU'RE ALL EMO FAGGOTS.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN RECOGNIZED MARNEUS CALGAR AS YOUR SPIRITUAL LIEGE.

>> No.10402836

"Do you know why we're having this talk?"

"They uttered blasphemous commands and reality shifted and changed around them! They were clearly unregistered psychers opening a portal to the warp to allow the ruinous powers to take over the ship!"

"They were, WERE, junior engineers showing you the holodeck. That we now have to replace. Along with the adjacent nursery... and bulkheads... and exterior sections of the hull... do you see what you did wrong in this situation?"

"I should have recognized and executed the blasphemous mutants before they could work their dark powers?"

"... No. That's not it"

>> No.10402838

"Brother Picard"
"Yes, CassHOLY FUCK?!? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS?"
"My point exactly. Servitors seem to malfunction. I ordered a pinacolada, and this one tried to hug me"
"Brother Cassius, first of all, you will address me as Captain Picard. AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BORG? And why is it missing an arm?"

>> No.10402844

I just imagined the doors to the turbo lift opening and this Space Marine is crouched inside the poor lift barely containing his massive pauldrons. Like a man fitting in a shoebox.

And I lol'd.

>> No.10402862

>>10402729

*two weeks later*

"Oh, now I understand how Blindy McTechpriesterson blundered into his position; ANY asshole can do it. Watch me. "SIR, REVERSE THE POLARITY OF THE TACHYON FLOW AND ROUTE IT THROUGH THE MAIN DEFLECTOR DISH." What the fuck is this crate, My First Starship? Push Butan To Fix Negative Space Wedgie?

And apparently your fucking bridge is steam-powered, since you can actually peg your gauges and consoles are always blowing up. I like my power armor and all but by fuck it's annoying having to wear it on the bridge for every fucking duty shift. Emperor damn it.

>> No.10402929

"They've assimilated to our phasers!"

"Assimilate THIS-" *space marine demolishes borg head with power armor punch"

*later*

"-so why the hell don't you people, you know, just HIT them? Really hard? In the face? It works, trust me."

"We had a Captain that did that, a lot. James Tiberius Kirk. He was good at it."

"Well why doesn't anybody else do it?"

"Shhh. The writing team has more bridges where that came from and they ain't afraid to use 'em."

>> No.10402973

>>10402929
Kirk punched Borg? i must see this.

>> No.10402976

>>10402729
"You requested to see me, brother captain?"
"Yes, please sit down. There has been some... *ahem* ... concern from the crew about the sidearm you insist on carrying all the time."
"What, this? That is my bolter! My holy weapon against the hordes of the..."
"Yes, the 'bolter'. Apparently the detonation the other day which took out our starboard nacelle and cost us fifteen of our engineering staff didn't sit well with the crew."
"It was a mere cleaning accident. If the holy weapon's war spirit is not properly appeased, it will get edgy like that."
"And is there any particular reason why you insist on carrying it even while sleeping? Even while in the shower?"
"Brother captain, just between you and me... I don't trust the filthy abhuman. I've seen the way he looks at me. I would be feeling naked without my bolter. And I hear you're trying to resurrect the Necron, after all I ..."
"Commander Data will probably be back online in a few days, yes, as soon as we find the rest of his head. *sigh* but that's besides the point. Look, we're all getting a bit tired and exhausted here. So I have a proposition. Why don't you go to the holodeck for some... rest and relaxation?"
"The holo... deck?"

(to be continued)

>> No.10402983

this thread contains so much win!

IT IS MAKING ME WEEP!

>> No.10403009

"...So, if you abolished war and hatred and everyone's happy, why does this ship exist? Other then to kill the boredom. Also, why are all the xenos men with rubber foreheads? They're even the same size as you."

"Shut the fuck up."

>> No.10403020

>>10402976

see:

>>10402836

>> No.10403034

>>10402976
...proceed

>> No.10403043

>>10403020
Indeed, I saw it after I posted and wouldn't be able to come up with anything better myself. So just assume that's the conclusion.

>> No.10403051

>>10403034
I almost thought that was a voltorb with a starfleet ensignia.

>> No.10403064

Somebody do one about Q.

>> No.10403080

>>10402432
in simple terms they are

rogue AI xenos that forcefully corrupt all human life turning them into mindless non-humans. If they new magik they'd be at the top of the imperial shit list.

>> No.10403093

>>10402838
>Servitors seem to be malfunctioning. I ordered a pina colada, and this one tried to hug me

WHY CAN"T I STOP LAUGHING

>> No.10403096

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2370566/1/Elsewhen_and_elsewhere

That Star Trek / Warhammer 40K fanfic which was awesome.

>> No.10403113

>>10403096
I'm not reading your fanfiction. Go wash your neckbeard.

>> No.10403126

>>10402746
>fucking retarded ban on genetic engineering
It's pretty fucking sensible, else the show would be about something other than humans. I'm not saying they handled it well, the whole "genetic enhancement makes you evil derp" is stupid, but one way or another it had to be done.

>> No.10403137

>>10403113
Sadly enough it's not mine. 'Cause the guy who's writing this never finished it :(

>> No.10403143

archived

now for MOAR!!!

>> No.10403146

>>10403126
Star Trek has been fail ever since Kirk's run ended.

>> No.10403163

The massive armoured body of Brother Flavius was standing behind the Captain's chair holding a bolter and a chainsword, unmoving. Whenever he was needed he would wait for a command for hours, days even, unflinching. He seemed like an oasis of calm in a sea of turmoil even now, when the Enterprise was exchanging fire with a Klingon vessel.

WARP CORE BREECH IN ENGINEERING BAY 4. STABILIZATION IN PROGRESS

The massive marine tensed instantly, raising the chainsword and training the bolter at anything at his torso level, which happened to be the head of the comms officer. This added a bit to the already tense atmosphere on the bridge. Picard gave him an uneasy glance.

"What is it, Brother Flavius?"
"There was a warp breach, Captain. We should prepare for possible daemonic incursions"
"demonic? As in, demons?"
"daemons, Captain."
"Demons. Really. Brother Flavius, there is no such thing."
"No daemons?"
"No."
"At all?"
"No."
"And is the Warp a deadly sea of emotions corrupting, misleading and killing people?"
"No, no, no, no. And no demons."
"Acknowledged. Brother Flavius leaving the bridge on your permission, Captain"
"In the middle of combat?"
"I must insist."
"Very well."

***

After some time the crew finally got used to a deck chair behind the Captain's chair, as well as to the hulking figure wearing a 'beaky' Space Marine helmet, a Hawaiian shirt and shorts, to which he still somehow managed to fasten a bolt pistol and a sword.

>> No.10403187

GW is the victim of retarded fanboys extrapolating fluff from the little they get exposed to. During the years anything and everything has happened in the fluff. And that was how GW wanted it to, the universe is a big place and anything and everything can happen.

This is not unheard of in comic fandoms either. I think it stems from the fact that autistic adolescents (ie the core audience in both comics and toy) can abide change in their surroundings. They crave stability and absolutes. The GW even made a pastiche of this with the the adolescent Stormboys who want strict discipline, before growing up to the more relaxed adult Orks.

>> No.10403193

>>10403163
GLORIOUS

>> No.10403196

"Explain this to me one more time, brother Picard. We're going to talk, peacefully, to these... Romulans, a Xeno species that humanity has been at war with on multiple occasions and who have pointy ears like the accursed Eldar... And I'm not allowed to bring my bolter?"

>> No.10403223

>>10403196
>and I'm not allowed to bring my bolter

Why does that sound like a perfectly reasonable question?

>> No.10403229

>>10403163

BROTIP: try not to use the same adjective twice in a row.

>> No.10403233

>>10403163

I woke my roommate up laughing at the last line. Well-played, Anon. Well-played.

>> No.10403241

>>10403223

Because you're on /tg/. Duh.

>> No.10403251

Age of Technology:

"...Mankind enters a golden age of enlightenment as scientific and technological progress acelerates. Human worlds unite and non-aggresion pacts are secured with dozens of alien races."

YOU ARE NOW AWARE THAT THE STAR TREK UNIVERSE IS A PART OF THE WARHAMMER 40K UNIVERSE, ONLY TAKING PLACE IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY, LONG BEFORE THE EMPEROR STARTED HIS GREAT CRUSADE.

>> No.10403256

"All I'm saying is we finally found a use for him! He's not complaining, hell he said it was the most fun he'd since he came onboard! And we got him back safely from the wreckage."

"That may be so. But it doesn't explain why you enlarged one of the forward torpedo tubes to fit his frame, and it doesn't explain why the computer recorded you telling him that we had built him a 'special meditation chamber' 2 minutes BEFORE the hostile ship attacked."

"Would you believe... we got a cryptic warning from Q?"

"..."

"Temporal rift through which we got a signal warning us of danger?"

"..."

"We really wanted to shoot the overbearing son of a bitch into the nearest star?"

"Don't do it again. Dismissed."

>> No.10403305

>>10403229
yeah, the style may be a bit shit, no proofreading

>> No.10403446

BUMP FOR THE GOD EMPEROR

>> No.10403506

"So... What is this, some sort of Miniature Melta Weapon?"

"Melta? No, no, that's a Phaser. It uses nuclear fusion to create thermal and seismic disruption in a localized area."

"...So it's a Melta."

"Nnnno, it's a Phaser."

"...You're an odd one, Techpriest. Not even a respirator, just those eyes..."

>> No.10403549

Captain Jean-luc Picard wasn't happy.

"Brother Flavius, can you tell me what happened to my command chair?"
"I don't understand, Captain"
"Ok, let's keep it simple. What is this, Brother Flavius?"
"A skull, Captain."
"A single skull?"
"A row of skulls, i'd say - a dozen, Captain."
"Exactly. A dozen skulls instead of the arm. And that?"
"that's the back of the chair, Captain."
"Yes. How is it different from the last one?"
"It's, um, marble? and laced with spinal columns, with a skull on top?"
"Indeed. Brother Flavius, I am not a fan of fake leather and I might have said something about redecorating, but this is pushing it too far. And where exactly did you get all those skulls?"
"I, um, found them?"
"Brother Flavius?"
"I found them."
"Oh, this is going nowhere. Dismissed. And send in the Romulan diplomatic delegation."

>> No.10403557

>> No.10403571

>>10403549
Reading it in Sir Patrick Stewart's voice just makes my heart sing.

>> No.10403573

>>10403549

"Well... in a sense... they're already here."

"In. What. Sense?"

>> No.10403602

>>10403573

... PFFFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>> No.10403612

>>10403573
Funniest thing I've read all day.

>> No.10403653

>And where exactly did you get all those skulls?"
>"I, um, found them?"

CAN"T STOP LAUGHING

>> No.10403662

>>10403549

Utter hilarity.

>> No.10403670

"Brother Flavius, where is Mr. Spock?"
"The Eldar filth? He's... on vacation."
"He's not- we're sixty light years from anywhere."
"He's on a... special xeno vacation. So to speak."
"And how did he get there?"
"...Xenos witchcraft."
"Say, where did you get that new skull on your pauldron?
"I didn't know we had common interests. Well, I took it from the xen- WAIT A MINUTE!"

>> No.10403706

Spock is Kirk, not Picard

>> No.10403723

>>10403706

He's also Elda- er, 'Vulcan', which means he lives well into Picard's era. Hell, he probably outlives them both.

>> No.10403802

>>10403723

Spoilers: he totally does.

IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE

>> No.10403803

Wasn't the spehs mehreen called Marcius anyway? How did we end up with Flavius?

>> No.10403807

"Brother Flavius, we may have an issue here"
"Captain?"
"You've ordered live ammo training sessions for our security detail, is that correct"
"Yes, Captain."
"And you made them last 6h each, two training sessions a day?"
"Yes, Captain. I have no excuse for my leniency, but i didn't want to ask them for too much"
"Not asking for too much? For the love of god, a man lost both his legs yesterday!"
"Captain, he did not lose them for anyone's love, but because of his own incompetence. After he recuperates he will train harder."

>> No.10403835

>>10403803

Well, uh...clearly, his name is Marcius Flavius.

>> No.10403861

"Brother Flavius, is it not true that you were in sole command of the bridge during the night rotation?"

"Yes, Warmarshal."

"Captain. Perhaps, then, you might explain to me, the large hole extending not only through the lower decks, but upwards and into Ten-forward?"

"There were no ramps, Lord General."

"Captain. Does this have something to do with the two large, pauldron-shaped dents upon either side of the turbolift doors at all four corners of the bridge?"

"Potentially, Commissar."

>> No.10403863

>>10402593
Because in space, cube or spherical shapes are possible, and much more efficient. There is no need for an aerodynamic design in space.

>> No.10403869

>>10403835

>> No.10403880

>>10403803
Flavius is a better name than Marcius.

>> No.10403895

>>10403835

¡¿IS IT?!

>> No.10403914

>>10403863
Except you make a bigger target.

>> No.10403952

I r sad, no let post image

>> No.10403959

>>10403914

spheres and cubes will have more volume per unit of surface area. they would be a -smaller- target.

>> No.10403968

>>10403914
Are you really that dumb? A self enclosed sphere with the capability to rapidly change direction in any given direction is far more agile than your standard Enterprise class cruiser. I contest that a sphere is superior to ANY ship design in terms of speed, size and efficiency.

>> No.10403980

>>10403968
Using star trek tech, probably. Using real world tech, my first question would be "Where would you stick the engines?"

>> No.10403989

>>10403980
EXTERNAL ENGINES ATTACHED TO A CUBE. Jesus fuck you are dumb.

>> No.10403991

>>10403959
On average over every possible angle. However, you could position a, say elongated ship, so that at any given time you offer less targetable surface than a cube or sphere.

That said, borg ships don't really give a damn about evasive manoeuvres.

>> No.10403999

>>10403895
¡¿LO QUE EN LOS INFIERNOS?!

>> No.10404030

This thread is so terrible, yet amusing. Carry on.

>> No.10404046

>>10401850
He doesn't learn. He has two settings: PRAISE THE EMPEROR and PURGE THE XENO/HERETIC/MUTANT

>> No.10404081

I now have images if Brother Flavius boarding and destroying a Borg cube single handed, while the Enterprise just looks on in shock.

>> No.10404116

"Brother Flavius?"
"Captain?"
"Why have you, how to call it, commandeered the main replicator?"
"I've done no such thing, Captain."
"Then how do you explain 'DIBS - FLAVIUS' carved on the wall with a chainsaw?"
"Chainsword."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing."
"Anyway, why is the main replicator spewing out an endless stream of some sort of cannon shells?"
"Bolts."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing."
"And you have nothing to do with it?"
"Um, no?"
"And you'd be perfectly fine if the replicator was to be deactivated, and the shells dumped into the void?"
"Um, no?"
"Pray tell, why is that?"
"They may yet to be found useful, Captain."
"In what way?"
"I think they will fit my armaments, so you won't be forced to issue me those, um, thingies"
"Thingies?"
"Those that look like hair trimmers and keep breaking when you want to push a button"
"Oh, phasers. Yes, I've heard from Worf that you've had your problems with them. Dismissed."

>>10403895
1. Holy fuck, inverted puctuation
2. Why not? I, as the proud writer of the first Flavius stories [i can even understand namefagging now - having your work appreciated feels nice] have no problems about it.

>> No.10404166

>capability to rapidly change direction
inertia would like to have a word with you

>EXTERNAL ENGINES ATTACHED TO A CUBE.
Engines cannot be armoured and occupy a fuckton of space. You want to turn a ship into a one huge blindside.

>> No.10404183

>>10404116
>1. Holy fuck, inverted puctuation

HA! HA! ESTOY USANDO EL INTERNET!!!1!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inverted_question_and_exclamation_marks

>> No.10404251

>>10404183
well, i even know a bit of spanish [enough to order something to eat/drink and get directions, but i did ok in Barcelona], and inverted punctuation weirds me out for some reason. It looks wrong.

>> No.10404264 [DELETED] 

>>10401723

f20de0230fb30b721aaab997b85a223d kindly re move you r ille gal clo ne and give back our dom ain chrisb ear pol e see http:// tinyurl . com / 36wo8m5

>> No.10404294

Worf: "Captain! Scanners have picked up a life form."
Picard: "On which of the planets?"
Worf: "None, sir. It appears to be floating near our cargo bay doors."
Picard: "... On screen."
Data: "It appears to be Borg."
Picard: "A Borg that wears robes...?"
Marcius: "Techpriest Giles?!"

~To Be Continued~

>> No.10404308

This thread is awesome and everyone who has contributed should feel awesome

>> No.10404342

>>10404294
Please, continue

>> No.10404354

>>10404081
>>10403256

>> No.10404410

>>10404294
"Reverse the polarity on the tachyon couplings!"
"There's no need for that, the Omnissiah will calm the machine spirit of the system in time"
"We have no time for that! Reverse the polarity on the tachyon couplings of the Omnissiah as well!"
"MotherFUCKER! It's on now."

>> No.10404424

Well I have to admit that the inverse wouldn't be so good:

Jean-luc Picard becomes the first officer of Marneus Calgar would last not much.

>> No.10404449

>>10404424
He'd receive a bolter shell to the skull in a few seconds.

Or come back with his own set of power armour, screaming PURGE THE MUTANT.

>> No.10404503

>>10404449

It's Picard; the latter is all that's possible.

>> No.10404551

>>10404503

Chances are he'd be turned into a Servitor, and start freaking out the Techpriests by calling himself "Locutus".

>> No.10404558

>>10404449
It's burn the HERETIC, KILL the mutant.

>> No.10404564

Captain's log, stardate 1040172.7.

We are continuing the observations of the alien entity known only to us as "Brother Marcius Flavius", and the alledged "warp storm" phenomenon the alien is claiming has transported him onto Enterprise.

The alien itself appears cooperative, and even insists to be included on the bridge. We had to use the transporter system to beam him there because he cannot pass through our doors, a lesson we learned the hard way after the incident which resulted in decompression of the aft engineering section and loss of 21 Starfleet personell.

The alien appears to serve an emperor of some sort, but has expressed an almost obsessive desire to protect the Enterprise and her crew. He has struck a friendship with LtCdr LaForge, although he insists on calling him Magos Laforgius. Unfortunately, he is far more hostile to some other members of the crew, and I had to remove Mr Worf from the bridge as the alien repeatedly tried to "execute" him for being "a filthy mutant". The two have apparently formed a blood feud of some sort and have taken to ambushing one another in the corridors of the ship.

When it heard of the photon torpedo launchers, the alien requested to be shown to the nearest torpedo bay. He then explicitly requested to "board" a torpedo the next time we engage in hostilities. When we explained to him that the torpedo will explode with an incredibly potent blast of annihilated antimatter, all he said was "So, helmet on. Understood." He is currently carving a "battle pod accomodation" in one of the torpedo warheads and he requested we refit at least five more to the same effect.

We will continue to monitor this alien creature in the hopes of furthering our understanding of his fascinating culture.

Captain Picard out.

>> No.10404568

>>10404503

At last! I'm free of Starfleet and can drop the mask of pretending to care about the alien scum!

>> No.10404575

>>10404342

Data: "Fascinating."
Worf: "Captain, I suggest we destroy the Borg."
Marcius: "Silence, abhuman!"
Worf: "Stop CALLING me that!"
Marcius: "Then surrender your life in service to the God-Emperor of Mankind and redeem your--"
Worf: "YOU, ME, HOLODECK FIVE, NOW."
>Worf and Marcius race to elevator, punching each other the entire way.
Picard: "Transporter room, bring the life form aboard. We'll decide how best to settle this if it is still alive."

>Many hours later, in Sick Bay.

Dr. Crusher: "It's strange. This Borg seems to have been more heavily modified than the others we've seen. And despite being in space for well over three minutes, it doesn't seem to have sustained any damage to its organic components."
Picard: "Perhaps it is a specialized member of the Collective?"
Dr. Crusher: "I don't think so. Most of it seems to replace what the normal human body does on its own. I think--"

>Screeches of modem static cut in, along with the whirring of mechanical parts.

Giles: "Pp-PPP-PraiiiIiIIIi-ise the Omni-i-i-issiah."
Picard: "... My God."

>> No.10404591

>>10404568
Jean-Luc Picard, the only non-space-marine-implanted Wolf Lord. He hates aliens, heretics and mutants so much he's as tough as a primarch.

>> No.10404600

>>10404564
>So, helmet on.

F'n lost it.

>> No.10404601

>>10404564
Marvelous.

>> No.10404603

I don't think the enterprise has ever taken so much damage and lost so many crew members before.

>> No.10404604

Can anyone explain why we have to include a techpriest as well? Brother Morronicus did just fine on his own. What's next, a Callidus? A Dreadnought?

>> No.10404621

>>10404604
You're rather slow, aren't you?

>> No.10404650

I didn't know /tg/ was this fun at 6:30 in the morning.

>> No.10404657

>>10404604

Because it's soft sci-fi. You can't include a Space Marine in a soft sci-fi setting without including a Techpriest to give half-assed explanations to the Space Marine in a condescending mechanical tone.

>Callidus

That's like putting Riddick in the middle of a My Little Pony adventure.

>Dreadnought

No need. Grandpa Dreadnought was around during the Star Trek era.

>> No.10404663

>>10404603
Cadets! Today you finish the academy and join the rank of the Starfleet! From now on you will boldly go where no man went before, and fear nothing but fear itself, and visiting officer Marcius Flavius!

>> No.10404674

"FOR THE EMPEROR!"
"From where I'm sitting I can see your belly."

>> No.10404678

>>10404604

> Dreadnought

In before Holo Deck simulations involving lesbian twins having sex on the Dreadnought

>> No.10404692

>>10404678
TWINS, THEY WERE.

... sorry, had to be said. Carry on.

>> No.10404751

>>10404692
>TWINS THEY WERE
Tat comic was GLORIOUS

Pic somewhat related

>> No.10404786

>>10404751

>Ork Borg

>> No.10404819

>>10404786
The Borks?

>> No.10404846

>>10404650

/tg/ is best before the kids get home.

>> No.10404853

>>10404564
GLORIOUS!

>> No.10404895

>>10404819
>>10404751
>>10404819
"OI YA GITS! WUTZ TAKIN SO LONG TO LOOT DIS HERE THING?"
"SORRY BOSS WE'S TRYING TO GO FASTA BUT DESE PUNY CLANKERS KEEP TRYING TO POKE US PLACES WIV THEIR POINTY STIKZ"
"I'LL GIVE YA POINTY YOU CRETINS! AVE OUR BOYZ OUT DERE FINISHED PAINTING DIS CUBE RED SO IT CAN GO FASTA?" *smashes several Borg swarming over him with his power klaw* "OH SOD OFF YOU LOT! I 'AVE A BORG SQUARE TO LOOT AND YOU KEEP STANDING IN ME WAY!"

>> No.10404918

>>10404895
>BORG SQUARE
This pleases me.

>> No.10404940

>>10404918
Well you try arguing geometry with a power-klaw wielding Ork warboss.

>> No.10404949

>>10404895
WE'Z DA BORK. WE'Z GONNA TAKE YER STUFF AN ADD YER DAKKA TO DA WAAAAAAAGH

>> No.10404969

>>10404940
Never argue with a man wielding an armour piercing can opener bigger than you.

>> No.10404971

>>10404949

WEZ COMM FER YER BOYZ ANN DAKKA
RESISTANNZ IS STUPID BUT WEZ LIKE IT!

>> No.10404984

"Mr. Worf, return fire!" Picard was fast running out of options, the Klingon rebels had somehow managed to force the Enterprise onto its impulse engines, preventing warp travel in the area. It was an ambush, hey'd trapped the Enterprise and were now already waning the Federation flagship's shields.

"Weapon systems inoperable, Captain," Worf replied from behind the command chair, "our shields were not raised in time to stop the initial disruptor blasts, damage reports coming in now, sir."

"Captain," came LaForge's voice from the engineering bay, "we can't keep taking hits like this, shield power is failing and we're already risking a warp core breach."

"Options, I want to hear them," Picard asked of all bridge crew, "Commander Data?"

"Sir, perhaps if we attempted to open communica-"

He found himself cut off by the ship's first officer, notably absent from the Enterprise's bridge. It was a gruff voice, accompanied by a view of the marine's face upon the bridge's viewscreen, "Lord Commander Picard, it is time." Brother Flavius' suggestion brought merely a nod from picard before the battle brother closed communications.

In the transporter room, Ensign Wright engaged transporters, sending the Marine to the Klingon vessels.

Federation history records the engagement at Kr'ching'toch, where the Enterprise engaged and defeated five Rebel Klingon birds of prey without having to fire a single shot, as a miraculous boarding action by the, now largely decorated, Macrius Flavius. The only surviving records of this engagement are the recordings taken of from the Enterprise's external cameras, which show a series of Klingon vessels exploding without having been fired at.

>> No.10405014

>>10404984
Hey, would he have to enlarge his pauldrons to carry all the decorations?

>> No.10405015

>>10404984
I can only imagine Macrius rampaging through vessel after vessel, taking out that pent up frustration about not being able to purge every xeno he sees.
Glorious.

>> No.10405028

>>10405015
Not even bothering to get transported to the next - pulls a krogan and just jumps through the hull, sailing to the next one in freefall and punching through the hull.

>> No.10405029

>>10404971
>>10404949
Oh god brilliant

>> No.10405053

>Borg square

Best thing I have ever heard in my life.

>> No.10405064

>>10404984
"Good Xenos, Lord Commander?"

"No, Flavius, very bad Xenos!"

"I will return..." proceeds to open an airlock and leap at the enemy ship, which explodes a few minutes later.

>> No.10405087

>>10404604

>Dreadnought

Heheh...

>> No.10405112

Stardate 172730


It has been nearly 3 years since we had met Marcius and established him as a part of the crew.

Since the beginning he has shown a tenacity for protecting the crew, following rules and regulations. But even as the years pass, he is still learning and having difficulty to adjust.

Today he had made a breakthrough, having been captured by klingon warlords, what he called "psuedo orcs". He and much of the crew had escaped, defeated the entire prison guard and even made headway with his rival Whorf.

Apparently the entire escape was pure accident, originally they were in line for gruel in the prison. Marcius exclaimed superiors ate first and began lifting Whorf in the air as he punched him in the face.

Marcius threw whorf into the generator panel and the guards panicked. They attempted to break up the fight only to enrage Wharf and Marcius who felt denied their honor.

The escape lasted five minutes.

>> No.10405119

>Techmarine
>Gets his hands on a phaser
>Locks himself in the workshop with the replicator
>Comes out later with an oversized phaser strapped to his bolter.
"Set phasers to stun!"
"...Stun?"
"Don't you have a stun setting?"
"No. I only have 'Kill' and 'Purge'"

>> No.10405121

>>10405112

>Whorf
>Whorf
>Wharf

It's WORF, god damn it.

>> No.10405167

>>10404751
dont borg nanomites assmimulate anything they touch?

>> No.10405170

>>10404895
>BORG SQUARE
This is gold.

>> No.10405171

Captain Picard's brow was crawling with sweat beads as he stood in Transporter room.

"All right", said Picard worryingly. "Away team, prepare for transport. Br--"

Most uncharacteristically, Picard stuttered for a moment, but managed to pull himself together long enough to say the words at last.

"Brother Flavius, you have the bridge." His face was pale as he said it.

"Aye, Lord Captain. May Emperor guard you on your trip through the Teleportarium."

And so Brother Marcius Flavius was left in charge of the bridge while the away team beamed onto a diplomatic mission onto the planet below.

>> No.10405173

>>10405121

He evidently plays fantasy genre games.

>> No.10405194

>>10405171

I foresee this ending in hilarity.

>> No.10405201

Please tell me this thread is archived?

>> No.10405206

>>10405167
not if orks loot them

>> No.10405212

>>10405121

Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf Worf

This should cover the next few stories that feature the Klingon. Replace the mistakes with the included Correctibles as you like.

Have a nice day.

>> No.10405214

>>10405171

FIRE ON THAT BIRD OF PREY!

What? But we haven-

DO IT NOW! EMPEROR DAMN YOU!

YES YES!

We're receiving a hail, it is the captain, you're going to get it now Marcius!

Up yours ork fucker, Put it on the Vox screen!

Oh thank god Marcius, how did you know it was a trap?

OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

>> No.10405216

>>10405171
So which one is worse?
Leave Marine in the charge of ship?
Or take him on diplomatic mission?

>> No.10405220

>>10405194
"The Lord Commander's vox has been disabled. I sense Xeno treachery. ARM THE MAIN GUNS! PREPARE FOR EXTERMINATUS!"

>> No.10405231

>>10405212
Warf you say??

>> No.10405241

I'm guessing Marcus Flavius is an Angry Marine or what?

>> No.10405251

>>10405241
Seems pretty reasonable to me.

>> No.10405255

>>10405241
He's not nearly angry enough. He's a Reasonable Marine....and that is saying something.

>> No.10405261

>>10405255
>>reasonable marine
whaaaaaaaaaa

>> No.10405262

>>10405241
"What do you say, Flavius?"
"BADGER DICK CUTS!!!"

>> No.10405272

>>10404949

Concider this stolen for my next rogue trader campain.

>> No.10405275

>>10405255

He's too xeno-hating to be a reasonable marine. Those guys were proclaimed radical because they negotiated with Eldar and shit. Also, they dislike skulls and change them for combat camouflage.

>> No.10405305

>>10405171
Brother Marcius Flavius paced with furious impatience on the bridge of USS Enterprise.

"You there! Tactical officer!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Are there any signs of heretic or xenos activity in the vicinity?"

The junior officer sighed and said with a resigned voice: "No, sir, there aren't any, just as there haven't been any thirty seconds ago, forty-five seconds ago, or the other fifty-three times you asked in the past fifteen minutes, sir."

Brother Marcius stroked his bolter knowingly.

"So the cowards are hiding from us.", he said, and nodded to himself. "Clever. Most clever. Just as I thought. This has all the makings of an Eldar ambush".

"Sir, I don't think there are any actual enemy ships in the..."

"Indeed, Brother Ensign, the foes of the emperor grow more cunning with every passing moment. We must be at constant vigilance in our service to Him. Carry on."

There was something in the way the acting first officer patted the skull-encrusted skulls on his bolter that made the ensign shift uneasy in his seat. This would be a loooong shift, he thought.

And then the comm signal wailed.

>> No.10405370

>skull-encrusted skulls
that's ma boy.

>> No.10405488

Laforge: Good morning sir.
Marcius;Good Morning adept....Hey do you got more of those yellow servitors to practice HtoH on? I think i broke the last one somehow when i bit his head off...
Laforge: !

Someone should write some fluff about him single handedly bringing down a cube and how he was delighted to hear that the borg adapted to being killed in the same way....

Also: Angry marine in starfleet.

>> No.10405553

I now wish I had the money to fund this show...

>> No.10405586

>>10405305
Brother Marcius Flavius instinctively snapped, a predatory look emanating from his helmet's visor, and he twisted and turned every way to ascertain the direction of the threat.

"What is it? Is it an incursion? Foul warpspawn? Battlestations? Are we being boarded?"

The ensign said levelly "It's a regular comm signal, sir. We're being hailed."

"HAILED? The gall! Is it xenos? Heretics? Tyranids? Eldar?"

"It's just a commercial freighter, sir."

"Disguised as a freighter, then? Clever. Very clever. But", he said, as he sat himself in the captain's chair, and the floor creaked. "They hadn't counted on Marcius Flavius outclevering them."

He smashed his fist into the handhold and it splintered all over the bridge, a fragment knocking the helmsman off his chair.

His voice was cold and resolute.

"Stand-by starboard broadsides! Open gun ports! Bring us hard to port! CHAAAARGE!"

The ensign stood levelly and blinked twice.

"Sir, it's really just a freighter."

>> No.10405608

>>10405586
BOLT TO THE SKULL. CLEARLY A HERETIC IN LEAGUE WITH VILE XENOS. AND PROBABLY A MUTANT.

>> No.10405641

This shit had better have been archived, /tg/.

>> No.10405696

>>10405586
Space marines confirmed for Israelis.

>> No.10405699

>>10405586
>Being hailed by Tyranids.

>> No.10405710

>>10405699
Tyranids hail the astropaths by destroying their minds.

>> No.10405747

>>10405586
"OUT OF MY WAY, YOU MUTINOUS BUFFOON, AND REPORT TO THE COMMISSAR'S OFFICE AT ONCE!"

"But sir, I..."

The Marine simply walked to the tactical console and shoved the unfortunate ensign away. "IF YOU WON'T DO IT THEN I'LL DO IT MYSELF." He started jabbing the buttons at the console randomly. "WHICH OF THESE BUTTONS OPENS THE STARBOARD GUNPORTS?"

The computer started whirring and a torrent of declarations raced from the speaker "Emergency shutdown initi$%$&venting plasma condu%/#$/# warp core ejection confirmed %$&&#stems offline%%&&protocol 15$%#$(#tting down %#$& flooding lower decks %$"&&&%"

"WHICH... OF... THESE... INFERNAL... BUTTONS... OPENS... UP... THE STARBOARD... GUNPORTS?"

Another ensign was busy trying to inch away with his back to the wall, but Marcius pointed at him.

"YOU THERE! Come back here!", he bellowed, then to underscore his point he took him by the neck and planted him in front of him at the console.

"OPEN UP THE STARBOARD GUNPORTS. BRING UP THE TACTICAL VIEW"

THe ensign gulped and did as he was told.

"THIS! THIS HERE! FIRE AT THIS SAUCER-SHAPED SHUTTLECRAFT"

"Um, Sir, that's the Enterprise."

"YES, THAT THING, AND I AM ORDERING YOU TO ATTACK IT." As he said this the marine apparently forgot he still held the ensign, and he shook him around the bridge while exclaiming every single syllable. He then saw the man was unconscious and groaned with impatience.

"YOU!" he pointed to a security officer on the bridge, still holding the ensign's unconscious body. "We are running low on ensigns. Tell them to send in the next batch!"

>> No.10405757

>>10405641
Jup, archived it a while ago

>> No.10405803

An episode where Q is a dick and swaps Riker with a Space Marine. It'd be like the episode when Riker was swapped with a Klingon, just with a lot more violence and fanaticism. Episode culminates into Picard and the Space Marine standing in the ready room, where Picard gives a speech about tolerance and sentient being's right to exist.

The Space Marine bows his head and disappears after Q appears. Riker's a bit torched from the pyre.

>> No.10405815

Well, that is what redshirts are there for.

>> No.10405978

>>10405747
"AM I GOING TO HAVE ANY FURTHER PROBLEMS, ENSIGN, OR ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS MY WAY?" Brother Marcius Flavius asked as he pointed to the pile of unconscious ensigns at his feet "OR DO YOU INSIST ON BEING A TREACHEROUS COWARDLY DOG LIKE YOUR COLLEAGUES HERE?"

"No, sir. I mean, we are, sir. I mean, I'm not, sir."

"GOOD. NOW FIRE THE TORPEDOES AT THE XENOS VESSEL."

"Uhm, sir, I am prohibited to fire at unarmed ..."

The ensign heard a *click* and turned to realize he's staring down the hollow, black barrel of a huge weapon. "WHAT IS THAT, ENSIGN? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY BOLTER THIRSTING FOR THE BLOOD OF INSUBORDINATE TRAITORS!"
"Uhm, yes sir," he said, punching in a sequence of commands hurriedly. "How many torpedoes will that be?"

"ALL OF THEM".

He gulped. "Yes, sir. Torpedoes away".

Just then, the bridge door opened and Picard entered with the rest of his crew.

"What is going on here, mister Marius?"

"Lord Captain, I have succeeded in detecting a filthy xenos ambush and have dispatched their advance guard!"

"What advance g..."

At that moment the torpedoes impacted the freighter and a bright glow engulfed the outward view screen.

"Captain, they are hailing us, the ensign said in a tiny voice"

"On screen". An abhuman appeared on the monitor.

"So, this is how you treat our civilians, you treacherous Federation bastards. You can forget about the treaty and the five hundred warships we've promised you in the upcoming fight against the Borg! Home fleet, attack!"

"Sir, we are picking up hundreds of enemy warp signatures. They are converging on the Enterprise from all sides."

>> No.10405992

>>10405978
Brother Marcius only sighed and looked compassionately at the Captain, and said:
"I TOLD YOU IT WAS AN AMBUSH."

Still looking at the vast alien fleet approaching the enterprise, Picard sat down in the captains chair, stroked his forehead, and said slowly: "Mr Marius?"

"YES, LORD CAPTAIN?", the marine answered in a proud, booming voice?

"I fucking hate you."

>> No.10406047

Hint: The Borg was Adeptus Mechanicus

>> No.10406070

>>10402042
You can't just shout that!

you need to SUMMON a drawfag and roll a 1d20 dice to see if you succeed. Attempting to summon a drawfag in a Dragwfag thread gives +5 to all rolls.

>> No.10406125

>>10406070
Freeformers man. Fucking freeformers

>> No.10406169

>>10406125

One could argue that this is all one big LARP, and that the act of posting "SUMMON A DRAWFAG" in and of itself is sufficient...

>> No.10406239

>>10403126
I believe genetic engineering was banned because it led to the creation of beings like Khan Noonien Singh.

And then there was the eventual Eugenics Wars that scoured the Earth with nuclear fire.

>> No.10406311

>>10406239
sounds like good times to me then

>> No.10406364

Y'know, depending on 'when' and which Enterprise this is, they might have a pretty good place for him.

>> No.10406727

XCOM

>> No.10406950

This thread was fucking beautiful.

Not much of a star trek fan, but I know enough to find this infinitely hilarious.

Good show Anon, good show.
I can think of only one thing that could make it more ridiculously lulzy...

>> No.10407072

>>10406950
Sweet mother of god, please don't go there...

>> No.10407103

>>10405167

Borg nanomites can be countered by particularly aggressive defense. Such as the white blood cells in Species 8472 which were able to destroy the nanites injected into their body, making them immune to assimilation.

>> No.10407154

>>10406950
>>10402042
>Cultist-chan as Uhura
>Head explodes

>> No.10407171

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5237
Vessel detected, Federation Galaxy pattern, USS Enterprise.
Hostile intent detected, proceeding to return fire, drones readied for transport and assimilation.

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5240
USS Enterprise shields down
USS Enterprise shields raise, detecting one biosign transported to Cube

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5242
Lifesign identified from Federation records, Commander Marcius Flavius.
Human considered hostile, drones dispatched to Gamma core, sub-sector 32-C

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5250
Gamma core, sub-sector 32-C offline, drones nonresponsive, sending additional drones from nearby sub-sectors

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5265
Gamma core offline, drones nonresponsive, attempting to contact further Cubes in vicinity to converge and assist.
Further drones diverted from nonessential systems.

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5270
Drones continuing to fall offline, anomoly spreading to Delta core, communications offline, weapons offline, numerous drone control nodes offline.
Attempting to vent atmosphere to destroy human.

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5302
Atmospheric vent had no effect on human, priority threat recognised, human moving on Alpha core.
All drones not currently attempting repairs to proceed to Alpha core.

Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5330
Human arrived at Alpha core, majority of drones offline, propulsion offline, shields offline, weapons offline, regeneration booths offline.
Human engaging in attempts to destroy door leading to this command centre.

We are afraid.

>> No.10407214

>>10407171

Win

>> No.10407234

>>10407171
Report to Queen:
Cycle 35.6348.32791-5331
Human has destroyed entrance, proceeding to fi-*static*
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP YOU PIG FUCKING, ANAL SUCKING SHITTY BITCH FUCKER! DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE TRY TO SEND ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING REGULAR HEXAHEDRON PIECES OF SHIT FILLED WITH BADGER-CUNT FUCKING PISSY LITTLE PILE OF SHIT ROBOTS THINGS OR I WILL PERSONALLY WALK MY WAY OVER TO YOUR FACE AND USE IT AS A FOOT FUCKING REST.

-Report link terminated-

>> No.10407257

>>10407234
I thought we were talking about Space Marines, not Cole Train.

>> No.10407262

>>10407171
>We are afraid.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid.

>> No.10407368

bump

>> No.10407423

>>10407257
>COLE TRAIN

ALL ABOARD

>> No.10407462

>>10407171
>5237
>5330
all this in less than a borg minute?

uh, how long is a borg minute...

>> No.10407474

>>10407462

60 Borg seconds

>> No.10407487

This better be archived dammit!

>> No.10407523

>>10407487
It is, it is, don't get your panties in a bunch

>> No.10407608

>>10407523
It's 'knickers in a twist', damnit.

>> No.10407656

>>10407608
Aye aye, captain limey

>> No.10407827

rolled 10, 19 = 29

Summon Drawfag!

Using highest of 2 d20, thanks to my feat "Questfag".

>> No.10407978

>>10401850
any Warhammer Star Wars crossover

>> No.10408047

rolled 8, 6 = 14

>>10407978
Nah, most of those crossovers end with someone trying to purge the sith and the jedi for being unsanction psychers.

>> No.10408327

bump

>> No.10408397

>>10405029

>> No.10408502

kharn the betrayer winds up on a klingon ship, begins a rebellion in the klingon empire with his bloodthirsty cult followers: klingon berzerkers

>> No.10408622

I love this thread

>> No.10408668

rolled 74 = 74

>>10408502
Klinghorne Berzerkers

>> No.10408676

Fucking Bump'd

>> No.10408698

the Entire Death Guard chapter is transported to mass effect. Specifically near the Quarian flotilla.

>> No.10408882

Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump

>> No.10408950

>>10408502
OH MY GOD! You are onto something.

>> No.10408953

>>10404971

>> No.10408959

*Q teleports appears the bridge*
"INTRUDER!"
"Well now! When did humans get so big?!"
"This... Isn't your doing, Q?"
"Me? No."
"I can SMELL the warp-taint upon you, Daemon! There will be NO negotia-"
*Q gestures*
"HNNNG! ARRGH! BRRRROTHER CAPTAAAAAIN DESTROOOOOY IIIT NOOOOW!"
"Q Stop!"
"Amazing. I just tried turning him into a Chihauha. Is it the same species as Guinan? Haaave you been gene-splicing, Jean-Luc?"
*DAKKA! DAKKA! DAKKA!
The bolt rounds explode on Q, who is shredded into a fine mist, which hangs in the air for a few moments before reforming back into Q*
"Flavius! Stand down!"
"You can see it for yourself Brother Captain! I TOLD YOU Daemons are real! It stands before us and we MUST purge it before it destroys or currputs us all!"
"Now see here you big-"
*DAKKA! DAKKA! DAKKA!*

>> No.10408999

>>10408959
Tantalizing.

>> No.10409070

>>10408959

WE ARE THE FIST OF THE EMPEROR! HE SHALL NOT LET US FALL IN VAIN! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>> No.10409182

don't leave us hanging now...

>> No.10409217

Captain, I have a question about Counselous Troi.
Yes?
I believe I understand why you allow her to live, despite being half-Xenos, but why are not her eyes burned out from touching the Emperor's soul? Is she not this ship's Astropath?

>> No.10409498

>>10408953
love it. love everything about it.

>> No.10409631

d'awww and it was just getting good...

>> No.10409831

This thread is made of Win and The Might of the Emperor! I love it so!

>> No.10409837

this reminds me of what that other star trek/40k cross over should hae been

although the scene where the marine punches the jem-hadar so hard that his fist slams through his head and into the hand he was holding it up with was pretty ace

>> No.10409979

>>10409837
do share please.

>> No.10410050

>>10409979
it was posted further up >>10403096

basically when it comes to fighting the jem hadar they can go invisible (or something, i never watched DS9) and then they try to take on marines in hand to hand. It goes... badly for them.

One does like a touchdown victory dance because he manages to get a knife through the marine's breastplate. The marine then shrugs and brings the pain to all involved.

It also shows how FUCKHUEG and over gunned/powered/armoured a 40k ship would be, and it kinda makes you realise that 40j tech is really schizo, super advanced in some areas and ass backwards in others.

Shame the author stopped about 2/3rds through. Also the chapters set on a planet in regualr 40k verse arent that interesting compared to, say, Storm Of Iron.

>> No.10410060

Borg square ... ahahahahahahaha

>> No.10410133

>>10410060
IMG_0672.JPG

>> No.10410142

Image post fail

>> No.10410213

Riker is now a force commander.

>> No.10410244

>>10410213
riker was always a force commander

>> No.10410264

>>10410244
Just imagine him in WH40k. Oh god i think i'm getting lightheaded.

>> No.10410447

>>10405992
please continue, for all that is holy continue.

>> No.10410587

"Sir, it is my understanding that my predecessor as first officer was an unaugmented human."
"Yes, Commander Riker."
"Where he is he now?"
"Oh, he's a captain now. He left after the last movie. It was fucking terrible."

>> No.10410592

/tg/ I fucking love this thread so much.

>> No.10410606

>>10401727
the marine would replace Riker
fuck that, replace someone else
beard man stays

>> No.10410652

>>10410606
You don't understand, they are switched. Riker would be in wh40k's universe.

>> No.10410673

>>10410652
>Riker would be in wh40k's universe

A LOST PRIMARCH IS FINALLY FOUND
A new golden age of man starts

>> No.10410725

>>10410673
Lost Primarch?
Moderately capable Brother-seargant, possibly, and that's it.

>> No.10410737

>>10403034

POLANDBALL???

What would happen if polandball was a space marine?

>> No.10410743

An ork mekboy becomes the chief engineer of the USS Enterprise.
What happens?

>> No.10410759

>>10410725
you clearly underestimate the power of the mastercrafted powerbeard.

>> No.10410760

>>10410743
He gets shot by the space marine first officer

>> No.10410761

>>10410737
Poland cannot into space marines.

>> No.10410765

>>10410737
Nothing, it couldn't into space.

>> No.10410768

Never change /tg/, never change
Let them say what they want, you are and always will be, the best board of them all.
If only because of this thread.

>> No.10410783

>>10410737
That's a tribble in a uniform. It's from that old tribble thread: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/9098292/

>> No.10410796

this thread is why i love /tg/

>> No.10410819

>>10410743
>>10410760
Da real world 40k/star trek crossover, hilarity ensues

>> No.10410895

>>10410783
Polandball is Orks! They loot ur cars... and spaceships

>> No.10410917

>>10410895
But orks can into space.

>> No.10410937

>Decide to GM your first ever Star Trek RPG

>Look over players' character sheets

>Chef Engineer is a Tribble

<_<

>> No.10410946

>>10410917
True that.

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Ork_Trek

>> No.10410999

>>10401904

>Implying you wouldn't piss all over the Emperor's corpse to lick an eldar's ears.

>> No.10411012

>>10410937
Fucking furries.

>> No.10411112

>>10411012
not human/tribble mix. Literally Tribble. Greatest troll in history. you should read that archived thread.

>> No.10411136

>>10411112
T'was just a joke, but I shall look up your thread if you've got some key words/a name to help me.

>> No.10411210

This thread is such win.

>> No.10411240

Here's the link(again)
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/9098292/

>> No.10411271

>>10411240
Much appreciated.

>> No.10411324

>>10403163
>Hawaiian T-shirt
Wait, how did he fit a shirt over his power armor?

>> No.10411347

Riker is Ciaphas Cain.

>> No.10411368

>>10411324
>Thatsthejoke.bmp

He took his armor off, except for the helmet

>> No.10411372

>>10411324
He just replicated a really big one

Still need a drawfag to draw that scene...

>> No.10411388

would Worf become a commissar?

Fuck it, TNG crew: assign them places in the Imperium

>> No.10411438

Where's the link to this thread's archive?

>> No.10411516

>>10411438
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/10401727/

>> No.10411527

>>10408959
This needs to be continued.

>> No.10411609

After reading this thread, I am convinced this would be the greatest cross-over in the history of entertainment.

>> No.10411613

>>10411527
Agreed

>> No.10411644

>>10411609
If and only if it was Marcius Flavius, and some some angry marine.

>> No.10411670

Tribbles are spawn of the warp.

>> No.10411709

lol guys

http://www.wargamerau.com/forum/index.php?s=e3ea1665a9dfc7fb321f1a72e84896d2&showtopic=96623&amp
;pid=1333965&st=0&#entry1333965

Specifically, the reaction of that one faggot who seems to hate 4chan as a whole.

>> No.10411721

>>10411670
Marcus Flavius encounters Tribbles

WRITEFAGS, ASSEMBLE!

>> No.10411912

>>10411721
oh would some kind soul make it so

>> No.10411974

I tried to write it, but unfortunately I can't get the right personality across for Flavius.

>> No.10412264

>>10411974
Too bad, the idea is just sheer awesome...

>> No.10413847

I'm just going to bump this, K?

>>
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