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[ERROR] No.10227239 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>bunch of elf fanciers singing all the time
>bear dwarf and his girly elven lover
>two "large" midgets and their brown skinned sugar daddy
>main character loses his ring to his best friend

So Homogay

>> No.10227250

Huh. So you made it past the first one? I'm impressed.

>> No.10227263

You didn't even mention the part where Sam basically does all the work and at a few parts literally carries Frodo and the ring forward towards their goal, all because of an ambiguously defined "friendship", which I think we can all assume is spooning at night with a side of sodomy.

>> No.10227264

It's also racist and anti feminist because Shelob is black

>> No.10227275

>Play Dungeons and Dragons
>It's a friendly game for friends, they said

Lie of the century.

>> No.10227282

Gimli's grandfather is named Groin.

>> No.10227293

The tangents are the worst part. It was not uncommon for me to finish the chapter thinking, "What the FUCK did that have to do with anything?"

>> No.10227310

Gloin. As in, one of the 12 dwarves that accompanied Bilbo Baggins to the Lair of Smaug the Dragon.

>> No.10227315

>Read Lord of the Rings
>It's a dry fantasy setting that reads like a historical prose
Let's get some truth up in this bitch.

>> No.10227342

I bet you haven't even read the Silmarillion. That literally reads like a word-for-word transcription of a fucking history textbook.

>> No.10227376

/tg/ fucking loves the Silmarillion.

CS Lewis didn't like the Tolkien's Elf fantasies either.

>> No.10227389

Orriginators of fanasy genre... hey had less lol lol firebal and more common sense..

>> No.10227400

Actually, I have. Then I went out and bought Unfinished Tales. Now I'm tempted to buy The Children of Hurin.

I just like history.

>> No.10227406

I read the Silmarillion, came buckets every chapter, all chapters.

>> No.10227429

The Silmarillion is excellent. First Age Elves didn't take any shit.

>> No.10227430

Fëanor! FUCK YEAH!

>> No.10227440

Also those books sounded more like real legends of old times, like part of actual folklore

>> No.10227444

The Hobbit had better pacing, plotting, and was a better story.

>> No.10227445

Children of Hurin is great. But some people don't like it because its simply the story of Turin from the Silmarillion, but longer.

I don't like Tolkien because I like history (I do). I like him because I like epic mythology, and he "gets" it.

Strangely enough, I don't really care for LotR.

>> No.10227460

>read Lord of the Rings
>Hmm, this is kinda boring
>read Silmarillion

>> No.10227477

>Strangely enough, I don't really care for LotR.
LotR has too many characters doing too much shit to really be epic mythology. Give me a rendition with Aragorn as the central character, and nothing but, and then we'll talk mythic saga.

>> No.10227492

I've only read LotR and Hobbit, but the latter was vastly superior. It felt more fairy tailish, adventurous and high fantasy.

>> No.10227512

>read The Hobbit
>read Lord of the Rings
>dry, overly descriptive prose
>toss books out halfway through Two Towers
>read Silmarillion
>jesus fucking christ this is just a history textbook

>> No.10227536

Well that WAS the point of the Silmarillion, you were supposed to be reading the elf bible. I loved it, but I'm a frothing nerd.

>> No.10227547


>implying that narrowing the scope makes things more epic

>> No.10227551

The setting is pretty good, but LotR sucks.

>> No.10227559

My only gripe about the Silmarillion is that Numenor seemed to get glossed over in the chapter about it and it's history.

>> No.10227560


>implying I wasn't trolled

This thread is swimming in trolls

>> No.10227580

It was intended to be a "historical prose."

>> No.10227589

The Hobbit was a story, written by the hobbit who lived it. Lord of the Rings was a narrative. The Silmarillion was a history. Different styles.

>> No.10227595

You might've trolled yourself, bud. Disposessed individuals reclaiming their property/throne/wife is the bread and butter of epic mythologies.

>> No.10227598

>> No.10227626

I liked The Hobbit, The SIlmarillion and the Lord of the Rings.

does anyone know when the hobbit film will be there?

>> No.10227640


It already is.

>> No.10227649

Considering Del Toro got tired of waiting and Peter Jackson might actually direct it... who knows.

>> No.10227652

Fëanor is best elf.

>> No.10227659

>> No.10227672


ITT: People denying the awesomeness of LotR to appear "edgy"

>> No.10227685

>> No.10227690

when does the real-life film that is directed by peter jackson come out?

>> No.10227701

>LotR has too many characters doing too much shit to really be epic mythology.

... read the Ilias.

>> No.10227707

My guess would be some time during the winter.

Hell doesn't freeze over if it isn't cold.

>> No.10227710

Nope. If you think LotR is awesome, you haven't been reading any good books. The Return of the King sucks. The other two are decent.

>> No.10227721


Bilbo Baggins!

he's only three feet tall!


>> No.10227732


>> No.10227733

He said grandfather. Gimli, son of Gloín, son of Groín.

>> No.10227757

My favorite thing is that he fucked his sons over with that Oath of his.

"What? The Valanor have one of the Silmarills? Well fuck, time to go try and fight gods because centuries ago dad made us promise we would."

>> No.10227759

Screw you, RotK was the best one.

And fucking Ovid's Metamorphoses, too.

>> No.10227765

>> No.10227787

Dad of the Year, every year.

>> No.10227796

>> No.10227810


Dad's Home.swf

>> No.10227863

Are you sure you're talking about the book and not the movie? Because half of the book was "Oh no mister Frodo! We can't stop! We must keep going!"

>> No.10227887

You almost fucking had me, 7/10.
Silmarillion is supposed to read like a history book because it is the history of the world. Tolkien wrote it(the parts that make it up since he never bound it together himself) as if he were writing a history of a real place.

>> No.10227900

rolled 6 = 6

Fucking tom bombadil and his ilk.

>> No.10227909

>implying you're not saying that only because you disagree
As if that's not what every other poster in this thread has been saying

>> No.10227917

The other half was "Oh, no, Saruman really fucked us up this time. Oh, wait, no he didn't. We'll just bust out a convinient plot device and everything will grow back good as new."

>> No.10227961

don't forget the descriptions of what the wood elfs have for breakfast in comparison with the glade elfs, the forest elfs, and the tree elfs

fuck i just love elf breakfast descriptions so much

>> No.10227980

I can't remember this...

>> No.10227992

maybe you missed it due to the riveting pages and pages of elf songs that are traditionally sung before, after, and during elf breakfasts

>> No.10228003

Probably. I basically remember shit about the book.

>> No.10228035

Other linguists (thats the term right?) hated Tolkien because he used his vast intellect making up the etymology of elven languages. Imagine if Einstein had spent his life designing the physics of Star Trek instead of relativity, or if Alexander the Great had designed strategy games instead of making an empire. Complete waste of a beautiful mind.

>> No.10228061

because there are so many other things for a linguist to do, am i right

>> No.10228062


>writing vastly popular literary works is a waste of intellect

>> No.10228068

>Other linguists (thats the term right?)
Stopped reading right there.

>> No.10228069

If Alexander the Great made strategy games, just think of the kind of games we could have today!

>> No.10228071

>Imagine if Einstein had spent his life designing the physics of Star Trek instead of relativity, or if Alexander the Great had designed strategy games instead of making an empire.
The world would be an amazing place.

>> No.10228072

Except i don't think dedicating his intellect to real languages would've had any impact on anything besides adding more circlejerking books to linguist's collections.

>> No.10228095

>Alexander the Great had designed strategy games instead of making an empire.

then he would have killed fewer people and that would arguably be fine

>> No.10228096


Dude invented languages. What the fuck else would a linguist do?

I mean, shit, is he going to research MORE French? Discover a previously untapped font of German? Drill in Alaska for crude Russian?

>> No.10228102


putting Einstein onto the physics of Star Trek, however, would have been the greatest fucking thing ever, of all time


>> No.10228128

They were angry because they felt that making up shit defeated the point of linguistics. They had no imagination.

>> No.10228150

Making up languages is a pretty good use of a linguist's time. Who the fuck cares if we are able to finally decipher proto-Indo-European and learn what grunts and snuffles our ancestors communicated by? Linguists do, but nobody else.

>> No.10228155

>Other linguists (thats the term right?) hated Tolkien

You fucking made that up.

>> No.10228171

Look how he united /tg/, though. Apparently despite all the bitching in this troll thread, we still go by 'Don't you talk shit about Tolkien'.

>> No.10228187

The line "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" came from when Tolkien served in World War 1. His commanding officer was up out of the trench screaming that at advancing German forces.

Language specialist + catholic upbringing (Catholicism has the best fluff, you know it to be true) + PTSD = Total badass father of modern fantasy

>> No.10228193

No I did not. Linguists are spiteful fucks who at least at the time believed Tolkien was wasting his time.

>> No.10228197

J.R.R. Tolkien; patron saint of /tg/.

In the name of the Valar, Maiar, and the Mary Sues, amen.

>> No.10228203


Well, whether you appreciate his work or not, you can't deny his influence on the genre that most of us fap to.

I mean game. Game.

>> No.10228206


well, they could decipher and eventually revive dead languages.

I guess.

>> No.10228211


>academics are spiteful fucks

Fixed that one for you.

>> No.10228219


Don't shit in my cornflakes and tell me they're coco pops.

Nobody hated Tolkein except you.

>> No.10228232

I'm surprised no ones mentioned OP is copypasta

>> No.10228239


Speaking of Mary Sues, Sam Carter from Stargate.

Mary Sue.

>> No.10228246

Latin permeates most of our modern linguistic culture today, but it's still very much a dead language. If Latin's still dead it's bleak prospects for any other dead language.

>> No.10228262

>coco pops

>> No.10228263

Also, one last thing: I am a historian and I think most of us would be unhappy if one of us with alot of potential spent his time writing the history of underground lizard people instead of something real.

>> No.10228268

Shh. You'll break the spell. Look at all this discussion we're having, you wouldn't want to take that away from us, would you?

>> No.10228275


/tg/ isn't like the rest of 4chan.

We don't follow the same rules. We take any opportunity for a decent discussion and run with it. Most threads are originally troll threads, but instead of just going 'sage lol 0/10' like other boards we reclaim the thread for our own.

>> No.10228295


Latin doesn't have a whole race of people struggling to find their cultural identity after it was stolen away by the Spanish, though.

>> No.10228302

Those people who'd be unhappy are just selfish fucks.

>> No.10228307

And also turn every legitimate thread into a troll thread, given time.

>> No.10228311

I read fellowship and two towers

I really enjoyed his super detailed writing style. Tolkien wrote those books in the way that I think, he uses his words to paint a very detailed and definite world around his characters that I think adds to the whole scope and scale of the setting.

Most people I talk too, however, get bored after the 5th page of describing the flowers that line the bottom of the cliff across the clearing of green grass in the yadda yadda yadda.
I understand that. People aren't taught to read for entertainment or immersion any more. 90% of our experience with literature is textbooks as we grow up, that lays a very negative foundation for later in life.

>> No.10228316


Latin's not a dead language.

It's still spoken as a first language in several small asian nations.

>> No.10228317

>Other linguists hated Tolkien

Wat. Linguist here, we like making up new languages.

>> No.10228335

If the current trend wasn't real history instead of marxist revisionism, I'd disagree with you.

>> No.10228339

Butthurt nigger detected
Every troll thread is nothing but fuel for /tg/ to turn into gold. If you can't handle the idea that your worthless shit thread is going to be turned into worthwhile discussion, crawl back to /b/ like the pathetic worm you are

>> No.10228344

Didn't the Spanish wipe out pretty much all the indigens of their colonies? I'm surprised anybody can claim ancestry anymore.

>> No.10228364


Pure blood indians are a minority, though.

Pure blood Spanish...are basically non-existent.

>> No.10228385

>Latin as a first language anywhere outside of Europe

>> No.10228412

Huh, the more you know.

>> No.10228413


Yeah go figure.

>> No.10228417

Latin is dead

it is no longer being developed and adapted for modern use anywhere in the world.

in reference to language, "dead" means that it isn't being developed. It does not mean that nobody speaks it.

>> No.10228424

Also throughout western europe its commonly taught as a sort of chalange course

and it still is an official language of vatican city. They even have latin ATM's and latin OS's

>> No.10228425

>Most people I talk too, however, get bored after the 5th page of describing the flowers that line the bottom of the cliff across the clearing of green grass in the yadda yadda yadda.
I understand that. People aren't taught to read for entertainment or immersion any more.

I don't read books for ten pages of the daily life of a couple blades of grass the characters happened to walk by one foggy morning, god damnit.

>> No.10228446

Every new word gets a latin version

its not completely dead, its dying yes but not completely dead

>> No.10228471

The Vatican actually develops new words to adapt Latin to modern concepts at a fairly regular pace. I'd hardly call Latin dead, though you'd be hard pressed to find anybody competant in speaking it outside of the Catholic church.

>> No.10228483

>People aren't taught to read for entertainment or immersion any more.

ten pages about scones and "oh we have to get going so we can get to the next elf town where the same thing will happen" is not entertaining sorry

"i really believe i am in a place where literally nothing happens ever, fuck this is great"

>> No.10228499


You again, worthless tripfag. Go back to whereverthefuck you came from.

>> No.10228504

The catholic church however runs the largest school network in western europe

and all those schools teach latin with a decent ammount of students each year.

>> No.10228509

>creating new words artificially to keep up with living, organic languages

you're right, it's not dead. it's a fucking zombie.

christ somebody but Latin out of its misery already.

>> No.10228516

That's like comparing your high school French course to somebody who has lived in France for the past decade or more.

>> No.10228521

you're kind of backing up my point, just so you're aware.

>> No.10228553


By that rationale, French is a rotting zombie of a language, too.

>> No.10228573

well its a 5 hour course per year spanning 6 years...sure its not the same as living in a country where its spoken but thats pretty decent.

In comparison the english course in my country is 2 hours weekly every year for 5 years and I'm relatively fluent. Same with french. (although that was a 5 hour course per year for 8 years)

>> No.10228582


if Lord of the Rings had a true film adaption, it would be twenty hours of an extreme macro closeup on a single dandelion.

fifteen hours in, it would sort of wiggle a bit, indicating that Sam stepped on some grass out of frame.

>> No.10228590

how hyperbolic of you

>> No.10228593

Or any other language, really. Every dialect and subdialect of every language pulls words out of thin air to accomodate new concepts, and frequently they base those new words on words for similar concepts.

This is exactly the same process that the Vatican uses to create new words for Latin. Just because the bishops who live or work in the Holy See are the only ones who'll probably use them doesn't mean that it's a dead language.

>> No.10228601



they fear French might become like Québécois otherwise.

>> No.10228604

you don't understand the differences between 2 media...

Theres a reason why every single book takes longer to read then a movie

>> No.10228622

Rough and rugged like the landscape of New France? I don't think so.

>> No.10228636

Oh hey there.

>> No.10228657

>Every dialect and subdialect of every language pulls words out of thin air to accomodate new concepts, and frequently they base those new words on words for similar concepts.

That is probably the "living, organic" language process other anon was talking about. He was taking issue with the fact that words are constructed by people in authority instead of arising from linguistic mutation or such things, citing it as evidence for a zombie language.
But it is also how new words are introduced into French. And French is rather alive.

>> No.10228661

well Wallon has a lot in common with Québécois and its right next to france

>> No.10228685


I understand the differences plenty.

some shit is just plain boring no matter what medium it's in, and unnecessarily detailed accounts of mundane scenery is very much one of those things.

>> No.10228702

To you, absolutely. Others may not share your viewpoint on the topic.

>> No.10228710

Yes. Just... yes.

>> No.10228729

Different regions breed different dialects. Sure, Wallonians have a similar dialect to Québecois, but what about Bretons, Occitains, or Burgundians? Who's to say that they'd take the same path, or that any of the other French cultures would?

>> No.10228735

what do you think of Shogun by James Clavell?
Just out of curiosity

>> No.10228750

course not but it might be closer then it is now...

french is artificially cept "pure"

>> No.10228752

My D&D group is generally much better read and has a better understanding/appreciation than me. I think they each have a humanities degree in some form.

Imagine my joy when I found out that these guys also thought Lord of the Rings is not worth reading. =)

>> No.10228755

Yeah, well of course you'd like that. Strong, necromantic female lead who specialises in binding and putting down the undead.

>> No.10228765

>>10227239 So Homogay

You should try the Gilgamesh epic.

>> No.10228778

>/v/ is for videogames
>looks like /b/ in here
>pokemon pokemon pokemon pokemon pokemon

>> No.10228782

Trying to prevent the speakers from controlling the language is not a good thing, though. And it's not as if french is particuarly healthy; take a look at the latest Eurovision, for example. Gradually fewer and fewer nations have sung in French, or given scores out in French (even ones where French is ostensibly a core language) to the extent that now it's just France sitting there alone as everyone either sings in their native tongue or English, and all the hosting is done in English apart from the French scoretaking.

>> No.10228790

>french is artificially cept "pure"
In every sense of the word. Words like sous-gorge are everywhere in French.

>> No.10228795


in that case, I have an excellent proposition for you.

I am going to write a novel about a single grain of sand as it lazily drifts around the Gobi over ten thousand years. it will be a ten part series.

all I need from you is thirty thousand dollars for research and miscellaneous upkeep.

>> No.10228846

You give me a snippet of this surefire bestseller and you and I may be able to come to an agreement about those funds.

>> No.10228867

The Book of Lost Tales fleshes out some of them though in the way he would have liked. Especially the Fall of Gondolin. I came buckets reading the Fall of Gondolin.

I just began thinking about what kind of advice his boys managed to glean from him. Then I thought how angry he is all the time. Then I began thinking about how Feanor must have always had angry sex, and a lot of it.

>> No.10228869

Real manly men only read Jack Vance, L. Sprague de Camp, Michael Moorcock and Robert E. Howard.

>> No.10228875

the difference is Tolkien was one of the best authors of the past century and capable of keeping interest even while going into detail...

You however are a random person who has never wrote anything better then a school asignment before

notice where I'm going?

>> No.10228877

what, do you have no imaaaaagiiiiiinaaaaatioooooon

kids these days

>> No.10228886

Real manly men read only Homer.

>> No.10228917

I've read him in traditional greek (btw its Homeros or nothing) and while good...there's other works that are just as good and are places in a more understandable timeframe

>> No.10228959

dodging the issue of whether pages and pages of descriptions of nothing make a good book and trying to change the subject to who has more authorcred, a famous guy (who is automatically on my side of course) or the guy i am arguing with

yo, robert howard is more famous than you, and i think you are a faggot, therefore i get to invoke all of his cred because the bit where conan kills the cthulu and sends it back to its home dimension -- thus taking the wizard's power source away -- was kickass

>> No.10228987

That would actually be really cool.

>> No.10229014

you seem pretty dense. A good authors trait is the ability to make everything interesting.

Proof that more then 1 person thinks lord of the rings is interesting is not hard to find.

However you would make a book thats extremely boring on purpose to prove your point. Trying to be as horrably as possible while posessing no talent at all. Only thing you'd prove with this is that you cannot write good books

>> No.10229056

your post makes no sense and confuses me with a guy with no trip, i think i am done with this thread

>> No.10229062

What always pissed me off about LOTR was how the characters were CONSTANTLY singing songs and quoting poems to each other. I mean, can you seriously imagine anyone doing that faggoty in real life?

Group of buddies stop to rest at the side of the road. One guy says: "What's up Gary, you're looking troubled right now." Gary replies: "Why, this landscape reminds me of the dark tale of my great great grandfather's lonely death, deep in the forest of Piddleswood, long, long ago."

>Proceeds to recite 25 minute retelling of the story, in heroic couplets, while his friends look on, nodding approvingly.

>> No.10229072

>Proof that more then 1 person thinks lord of the rings is interesting is not hard to find.

proof that more than one person thinks lord of the rings is a pile of ass is also not hard to find.

evidently, Tolkien is some sort of Schroedinger's Author, in a quantum state straddling the line between Literature and Twilight.

>> No.10229082

they don't have TV, radio or any other form of communication.

It was their way of telling stories.

You don't understand cause you didn't grew up in a culture like that.

>> No.10229102

The Mage Tank by Gene Wolfe is better.

>> No.10229128

the fact that he still has a permanent influence on the fantasy genre and the fact that his books continiue to sell after 70 years is enough proof that our culture generally views him as positive.

In 70 years nobody will know what twilight is

>> No.10229150

In 500 years or so Twilight will be a deep book that will get analyzed in schools line by line.

>> No.10229157

Thats the scariest thing I heard in years

>> No.10229160


I bet Hobbitland (correct name?!?) had newpapers at least. I can easily imagine the fat, complacent hobbits sat around in their hobbit holes, smugly leafing through copies of the Daily Hafling or whatever.

And smirking with satisfaction as they complete the crossword on the back page.

>> No.10229177

You know the last time a thread like this came up I ended up convinced that I was the only person on /tg/ that wasn't desperate to suck Tolkien's cock. Good to know that I'm not the only person on /tg/ with the ability to see past the hype.

>> No.10229184

Gene Wolf is always better.

>> No.10229199

printing wasn't invented yet in middle earth

so no...

Its even literally said most hobbits are illiterate or partially illiterate. Most of their information about the outside world is from travelers telling/singing stories

>> No.10229210

The Shire dude. The Shire.

Hobbington was the town.

>> No.10229224

You really can't emphasize how much singing and dancing they take out for the movies

>> No.10229235


Oh god, singing again...

Would the evening news be better or worse if the presenters sang the stories, I wonder?

>> No.10229249


better, without a doubt.


>> No.10229250


>> No.10229256

A newsreader, 50y, in costume, singing a jolly song about deaths in the middle east...


>> No.10229282

the problem with your argument is it can be turned right back around on you. why does the fact you like it mean it's good?

>> No.10229326


I wish my fucking textbooks read like that. Need more George Washington slaying a dozen Balrogs.

>> No.10229354

I read LoTR and The Hobbit as a child and loved them both. I loved most coherent fantasy stories though. Recently I read The Silmarillion and The Children of Hurin. Both of them were great. I think that it's a bit sad that there aren't many writers who are truly dedicated to, and absolutely love the things they write.

Also like one guys said a bunch of posts up breakfast descriptions are excellent, and always leave me hungry.

Feast descriptions from the Redwall series are great as well.

Also people like different things so obviously some people will fin that LotR is not for them. I suspect that most people who have found their way to /tg/ enjoyed the books though.

>> No.10229356

eh, read Black Company.

>> No.10229376

I was parodying all the people in this thread who cannot accept that others have a different opinion on a work.

Discuss what you find good or bad about it. Or I guess we could keep on trolling each other for another hundred posts.

>> No.10229396


>Feast descriptions from the Redwall series are great as well.

One of the only things I remember from reading the series.

>> No.10229398

Anyone else think this could work well as a book?

Tell the story of a grain of sand, things he sees, the people he finds, and where he ends up.

If written well, it has the potential to be a fascinating series. I'm thinking a bit like the desert arc in The Sandman comic book.

>> No.10229407

I wonder how many people in here defending LoTR are the same people who post "WORDSWORDSWORDS" whenever someone posts an OoTS page...

>> No.10229419

nah my critic to it is that it well...

its kinda stopping to be funny. I like the earlier stories better

>> No.10229426


Sand doesn't see interesting things.

Read Gene Wolf. Latro. First person pov from a guy with lack of short-term memory. He writes everything he can down. In a world of gods and Greeks.

>> No.10229432

the what now?

>> No.10229466

Mage Knight.

Just pick up some Black Company, Gene Wolf and Jack Vance.

It wouldn't hurt you to read something that isn't about fags with pointed ears or 'sons of kings' living out their authors wet dreams. That goes to all of you.

>> No.10229467

If it's a fantasy series the author could make it see interesting things. It could wind up in the clothes of a traveling sales man who is also a thief, or a young boy who was forced into military service for his country.

There is tons of potential for interesting things to happen so long as it is not grounded in reality.

It would work in a high fantasy situation.

>> No.10229478

Always made my mouth water, even if I wasn't sure what was being described.

>> No.10229492

It could work. But no author known has the skills to do so. Every fantasy that sells nowadays has multiple viewpoints and angst. Which sand lacks.

>> No.10229498

>Other linguists (thats the term right?) hated Tolkien
I heard Noam Chomsky peed on his grave and made an essay about it.

>> No.10229499

>Wizard Knight

>> No.10229508

or even as a work in our history...a piece of sand that through luck and faith is there at many of the the great acts off the middle eastern world. Describing them from its own, completely neutral point of view as far as the humans go.

with some more humorous parts in between of a grain of sand telling what its like to accidentually be swallowed

if it was a great author it could be interesting

>> No.10229511

yes yes

>> No.10229513


The Hobbit is about a giant all-Dwarf party with one Wizard and a Halfling, how could it NOT be awesome?

>> No.10229523

That's the sort of maturity you'd expect from a communist.

>> No.10229524

ok OP you write a book on napkins during a (real) war lets see how good it turns out.

>> No.10229530

Read it and you'll see.

>> No.10229586

Argh true enough.

I haven't read much literature since highschool. Are there any good fantasy books that are more recent?

It really would take a genius who absolutely loves his work (not in the sense that he thinks it's super good but that he feels dedicated to the story) to do something like this.

>> No.10229598

yes, it could be awesome

from the three kingdoms to the hun and mongol hordes, a first person account of blowing over great battles and great men of history. Done right it could potentially be the single most badass and fascinating textbook on the history of the region.

>> No.10229613

problem: its a huge risk to release such a book...why go the hard way with a new author and a revolutionary book if you can publish a unoriginal book by a known author that is guaranteed to sell?

THATS why we don't get classics

>> No.10229622


A Carnival of Carnality!

>> No.10229626

LOTR sucks. It's shallow and written for middle-schoolers. I mean, it was cool when I read t back then...but not now.

>> No.10229630

Ah, Tolkien. Carrion call of the nerderature elite.

Loved Hobbit, thought it was suitably "fantastic" without becoming too embroiled in its own magic. It had a thematic pace that matched the breadth of the land in which the story was told, evoking feelings of a contemporary Odyssey. Powerful, and even subtle when compared to his later works.

If The Hobbit is his Odyssey, then the Lord of the Rings Trilogy is his Iliad. With these books he nigh pioneered the modern "Epic Fantasy", with his fluffarific representations of culture, character, and language. I enjoy them, but they are meandering, and are often inconsistent. Such things are to be expected in large works, and perhaps it was his intention for traditional logic to be done away with in his creation, but considering works of art and literature are reflections of life and life-views, a self-absorbed story can alienate the audience. I enjoyed these, but I found they skirted too close to inanity.

I shouldn't have to say what I think of the Silmarillion. I can appreciate the effort and complexity...but there's no story. Yet unlike history, the Silmarillion is so far from relevance (or even symbolic relevance), that it must sustain itself entirely on the quality of its prose. And I'm sorry, I don't think Tolkien is that good. But that doesn't mean others cannot enjoy him.

My two cents on his books that I've read.

>> No.10229638

He's been mentioned here already. Gene Wolf. Pick up Latro, or the Sun series or Wizard Knight.

If you want a huge book, try for some Titus Groan, but (sorry for this) it's thick enough to make you, yes, groan.

Black Company is more down to earth, not as fancily written but was the first to come along with a more realistic take on fantasy.

Jack Vance really pioneered the crazy shit that was later put into rpgs.

Outside of that? Just look at the fantasy section of your bookstore and avoid the guys who have two or more rows dedicated to them. Read the backs of the books, maybe a couple pages in the front/middle, and if you see what you like, get it.

>> No.10229659

I suppose so.

Publishers are there to make money after all. I can't fault them for that, I can imagine they have to sift through tons of shit all the time, and people want to make money.

The only way this could be done I suppose is to have the whole thing written out before trying to get published, rather than pitch the concept.

>> No.10229684

Oh yeah and if you want to see some really old and archaic stuff, pick up some of Robert Howard's old Conan and other stories. Moorcock's Corum (or any of the eternal champions, you're bound to like one), and Lord Dunsany's Pegana collection (by Chaosium).

Grunts, by Mary Gentle, was good. Villains by Necessity by Eve Forward. One wrote about some silver-haired chick too, the chronicles of Ash or something that was supposed to be good, but definitely chick oriented.

>> No.10229689

Just because something is for a younger audience doesn't mean that it is "bad".

I'm all for better childrens literature. The have LotR but they don't have much good fantasy beyond that.

>> No.10229719

Oh. And never read anything about the authors of stories you like. Just because you like one story does not mean you should or will like all of their other work, and even the worst author can put out one good story. Just go for the story. The author is superfluous.

>> No.10229795

The Old Kingdom trilogy are my favourite books of all time. Incidentally, such is on topic since I had read the Silmarillion roughly one month before reading all three books in the aforementioned series, and thus it was my favourite book for all of roughly one month. Hahaha.

>> No.10229821

This thread was made by a Cave Troll!>>10227239

>> No.10229835


Wasn't it Gloin?
Either way, it's not pronounced the way you think it is. The "i" has an accent over it - say it as two separate syllables. "Glow inn" would be closest, for example.

>> No.10229964

>the Sun series

It should be noted that there are two "sun series", the Book of the New Sun and the Book of the Long Sun. They have a different feel to them.

>> No.10229984

One's a continuation of the other.

>> No.10230010

Fair enough. It's been awhile, I'd forgotten that.

>> No.10230016

>>Read "Lord of the Rings", it's badass they said..
>>They were right.

>> No.10230680


Go read A Song of Ice and Fire. Together, the books are several times longer than The Hobbit and LOTR, and the stories are neither meandering nor inconsistent. Epic fantasy done RIGHT.

>> No.10230977

I don't like long bookseries.

>> No.10231065

The series itself is 4 books long so far.

They're just very, very full books.

>> No.10231097


Cool ADD bro.

>> No.10231105

Isn't it really generic?

>> No.10231118

My favorite fantasy book series is David and Leigh Eddings Belgariad, and none of you can convince me it's terrible. Though the first book is slow.

>> No.10231139


I love the original, I don't love that he basically recycled it for every other series he wrote.

>> No.10231244

Children of Hurin is decidedly bad ass, the only problems I had with it were when you get to the point in the story when he realized the "fuck I need to end this" point, which is very easy to spot. And then that it was supposed to be an epic, but it ended up being too epic of an epic (as in too god damn long) so ho wrote it in a story. Actually, I believe the transition may be due to the part that was not transferred from the poem. fucking awesome otherwise, incest, dragons, elves...
the fucking works, man.

>> No.10231820

So ITT we bash LOTR for making fantasy a popular genera, inspiring other people to write their own fantasy novels and because it shows you got some kinda individuality by saying you hate it?

>> No.10231906

>implying LoTR were the only books he wrote in that setting

>> No.10231925

This was written in the 60's. Fair use, says I!


"Do you like what you doth see . . . ?" said the voluptuous elf-maiden
as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded,
shadowy glories within. Frito's throat was dry, though his head reeled with
desire and ale.
She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated
boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy
toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of
"Let me make thee more comfortable," she whispered hoarsely, fiddling
with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. "Touch
me, oh _touch me_," she crooned.
Frito's hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the
delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her
tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest.
"Toes, I _love_ hairy toes," she moaned, forcing him down on the
silvered carpet. Her tiny, pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep
while Frito's nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel.
"But I'm so small and hairy, and . . . and you're so _beautiful_," Frito

>> No.10231977


whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters.
The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held
him more firmly to her faunlike body. "There is one thing you must do for me
first," she whispered into one tufted ear.
"Anything," sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. "Anything!"
She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. "The Ring," she
said. "I must have your Ring."
Frito's whole body tensed. "Oh no," he cried, "not that! Anything but .
. . that."
"I must have it," she said both tenderly and fiercely. "I must have the
Frito's eyes blurred with tears and confusion. "I can't," he said. "I
But he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elfmaiden's
hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it
came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully . . .

>> No.10232147

Tolkein write that?
I sure as hell hope not
sounds like a bad fapfic

>> No.10232174

That has to be the oldest fanfiction I've ever seen...

>> No.10232229

The Aeneid.

>> No.10232590

Hurp durp

"We boggies are a hairy folk
Who like to eat until we choke.
Loving all like friend and brother,
And hardly ever eat each other.

Ever hungry, ever thirsting,
Never stop till belly's bursting.
Chewing chop and pork and muttons,
A merry race of boring gluttons.

Sing: Gobble, goggle, gobble, gobble,
Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

Boggies gather round the table,
Eat as much as you are able.
Gorge yourselves from moon till noon
(Don't forget your plate and spoon).

Anything edible, we've got dibs on,
And hope we all die with our bibs on.
Ever gay, we'll never grow up,
Come! And sing and play and throw up!

Sing: Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble,
Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble!"

>> No.10234884

Yeah but it was LOTR that pretty much cemented fantasy as a genera in the mainstream.

>> No.10234910


>> No.10235007

as much as i hate elves, i love the drizzt stories, just for the fact that it has the most badass dwarf ever

Bruenor Battlehammer

he set himself on fire and jumped on the back of a shadow dragon with a keg of oil, immolated and hacked the fucker to death and fell down a gorge riding its corpse to the bottom

>> No.10237432

The first fantasy reading I did for fun after reading The Hobbit was Elizabeth Kerner's Song in the Silence.

The protagonist is a ocmplete Sue, but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it.

>> No.10238136

For me it was the wizard of earthsea. I don't remember much from the book and intend to reread it.

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