>>35669506
I'm not, I'm catching up with what I missed, and replying to the guy.
And putting forward the BL problem as I see it.
>>35661126
For Alexandri:
>Transhuman Cohort
Please tell me that isn't the name we're going with for the notBlack Legion...
>Greater reflexes ans greater competency than most
I'd drop that, it makes everyone else sound clumsy and ponderous, and doesn't have a logical base - reactions arent faster because reasons, they are faster because of higher gravity in general.
The Wolves are from Terra. Meaning normal gravity/same as every other legion that starts there too.
>High casualties
This seems strange. They're the best but they take more casualties than anyone else?
I'm okay enough with the concept, but it does seem strange, no?
A few unnecessary sentences and words, but the rest is okay man.
I focused here on the stuff I have problems with for brevity.
The rest is good though.
Are you still working on Rosskar?
I couldn't find it on the wiki writefaggotry page...
I wanted to give it a read for inspiration with the writers block I'm having at the moment
>>35669506
Also sorry for not having you in that list - I was in a rush. You do a lot of great writing, as you just evidenced. Thats some slick stuff man.
I like how you charaterised the tarellian speech.
And I seriously i love the chanting stuff - It makes me think of the nazi/helghast big speech events/scenes. (Thats cool btw).
I've been working on some campaign stuff for the Children.
I want to finish it and see who can guess what irl event its meant to be.
Also have a bunch of shorts that I need to finish.