/sci/ - Science & Math

>>10529191
>>10529290

And now not only was the psychologist refusing to see me, but his subordinate (my third psychotherapist) also began to refuse seeing me. I had last seen her on March of 2017, and I wanted to begin seeing her again back in February of 2018. So I sent her an e-mail requesting to make an appointment to see her again. She then sent me an e-mail telling me that if I continued trying to contact her, that she would take legal actions against me to prevent me from contacting her. She then stopped responding to all of my e-mails and phone calls.

>>10529191
>>10529290

That was just so weird and random, I just responded with: "Uhhh... yeah." And I didn't bother finishing the point that I was trying to make. I remember thinking to myself: "The hell was that about? That was kind of bitchy. Did she do that on purpose? Is she testing me somehow? Or maybe she's just religious and she felt offended. This might get awkward. I'm not exactly sure how this is supposed to help me overcome social anxiety."

During the third session I could’ve sworn that she must've been high on Adderall. I had also decided to let her do most of the talking during this session because she seemed really annoyed with me during the previous session. So what did she want to talk to me about? She wanted to talk about pets. She wanted to ask me: what sort of pets I've had, if I had any sort of preference for pets, if I had any sort of preference for dog breeds, and so on. She preferred to discuss pets rather than discussing about my family's weird anti-science stance.

Even now I am only describing a fraction of her antics.

After my sixth session with her, I was really starting to feel angry and frustrated with the whole experience. I was feeling very angry toward her boss who continued refusing to see me, and continued to refuse answering my questions. I had finally lost my temper. I ended up writing a scathing e-mail to him.

In the last e-mail that I received from him, he wrote to me:

>I now consider working with you not clinically advisable. I hope you can continue to explore your feelings and find satisfying answers to your questions with Dr. [my third psychotherapist]. I would greatly appreciate it if you refrain from writing to me.

So I had handed to this guy a total of $1,350 ($700 for the personality disorder testing + $650 for the six and a half sessions of psychotherapy with his subordinate) over to his corporation, and yet he still wouldn't do what he said that he would do. And he's never going to.

>>10529191
>>10529290

The way that this psychologist and the psychotherapist had behaved around me was all very strange. It was like they were stringing me along just long enough to milk me for as much profit as possible until I figured out that it was all a scam and I decided to bail on them, only to have myself replaced by another clueless patient. It's all a really long, weird, and complicated story that could take me several posts to explain.

Here is only some of the unusual and inappropriate behavior that I had observed my psychotherapist displaying:

On my first session with her she seemed quirky, quick-witted, and even came off as mildly immature. She interrupted me several times by saying what she assumed I was about to say. After she interrupted me for about the fifth or sixth time, she started laughing.

During the second session she seemed like an almost completely different person. Her appearance was radically different. She came off as slightly bitchy. She seemed mostly bored or even annoyed as she kept sighing a lot throughout the session. At some point I started talking about something that I felt was relevant in regards to my family, like how they seem largely anti-science because whenever I start talking to them about science-related topics (whether they be about: genetics, neurology, mental illness, astronomy, etc.) they tend to get unusually defensive and start talking about God like how I was somehow offending him.

At that point the psychotherapist then cut me off and said something like: "Right. Science. You're really big on science. You're Mr. Science Man."

>>10529191
>>10529290

After feeling undecided for nearly eight months, I had finally given in sometime around February of 2017 and I decided to begin seeing this psychotherapist, hoping to get some answers from her boss who had told me the following throughout various e-mails over the previous eight months:

>I would be happy to provide you with psychotherapy

>In order for this to work, you will have to accept some limited guidance from me

>I am repeating my offer to provide you with psychotherapy. All questions (such as the recent one) can be addressed within that appropriate time and space


Once I had decided to begin psychotherapy with the psychotherapist he recommended, he ended up e-mailing me the following:

>I believe that it would be best to leave all these questions for the time being and dedicate to yourself instead. I suggest you concentrate on your therapy and give it some time to help you

I had neither spoken nor seen my psychologist since July of 2016, yet he claimed that he would: provide me with psychotherapy, give me some “limited guidance”, and answer my questions. I had already met with the psychotherapist for a total of 6 and a half sessions and paid $650, and I still hadn't gotten any answers. The psychotherapist could not answer any of my questions because they were intended for her boss, as only her boss could answer them because only he knew what he and I had talked about back in July of 2016. And there seemed to be limited communication between my psychotherapist and my psychologist in regards to me. The psychologist stopped responding to all of my e-mails back in February of 2018.

>>10529191
>>10529290

I had decided to look these people up to find out whether or not they were legitimate, and it did seem that they were (in fact) legitimate. For example: I looked up the psychotherapist's “PSB” license number on the California Department of Consumer Affairs web site, and she showed up as a “Registered Psychological Assistant”. I also found her LinkedIn profile, but I wasn't exactly sure how to verify some of the stuff that was on there... like I wasn't exactly sure how to find out whether or not she really got a “PsyD.” at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology—do I just call the school and ask? Anyway, her boss (a psychologist with a PhD., and also both the “Director” and owner of their psychological corporation) had evaluated me for all personality disorders and mental disorders back in July of 2016, and he told me that he didn't think me to have any personality disorder whatsoever; however, he did diagnose me as having three disorders—Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). I had also looked the owner up on: the California Department of Consumer Affairs web site, on LinkedIn, and I ran something of a background check on these people using BeenVerified and a few other web sites. These people all seemed to be legitimate, but then when I looked up their corporation on certain web sites (such as Yelp)... they did show up, except they had absolutely zero reviews. So I had no idea what their other patients thought of them. The owner of this corporation recommended to me that I begin psychotherapy with one of his subordinates (my third psychotherapist).

>>10529191

>your psychotherapists were probably shit though

>>10529290

>your doctors are shit

Oh, you guys have absolutely *no* idea!

My experiences with psychotherapy has led to me ask such questions as:

Is there is such a thing as psychological corporations that are specifically designed and created to scam people out of their money with psychotherapy? I mean, is it particularly common? Are there corporations in which the psychotherapists are all fully aware that the so-called “psychotherapy treatment” that they offer is a complete and utter scam? I ask, because: back in 2017 I had begun what is apparently referred to as “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” (CBT) and paid $650 for 6 and a half sessions (it was recommended that I go to this so-called “psychotherapy” for 6 months, so that would be about 24 sessions in total... amounting to about $2,400)... but the whole thing just felt like a big scam to me.

I was already aware that “CBT” was in itself a real thing and not a scam as I had read about it beforehand. I wasn't concerned about whether or not “CBT” was in itself a scam; but, my third psychotherapist seemed to be be fully aware that this specific psychotherapy treatment that I was receiving from her wasn't actually “CBT” at all or anything else that could possibly be considered as having been real psychotherapy and that I was being scammed out of my money real good.

>>10528987

Thanks, man. But I was already very well aware of the negative side-effects of antidepressants, antipsychotics, SSRIs, and stimulants before I had started taking any psychotropic meds. Which is why back in 2013 I was so deeply afraid of taking *any* psychotropic medication. My family, however, kept on nagging me and nagging me every single day about me taking my meds. So one day I had decided to just give in. And now I seem to have become overly dependent and/or possibly even addicted to my meds (especially Adderall). I just can’t stop taking these meds. I end up feeling absolutely miserable on the days that I don’t take them. It’s an endless cycle of misery for me. I feel miserable with my meds, and I feel miserable without my meds.

>>10529290

>Either you are LARPing or your doctors are shit.
>Taking ADHD medication together with antipsychotics is just plain retarded.

Pic related. It's a screenshot of my prescription records from Walgreens. The psychiatrist who was prescribing to me these meds (my fourth and previous psychiatrist) had been prescribing Adderall to me since around March of 2017, and Abilify since around July of that same year. For some reason these records that Walgreens gave to me only go as far back as December of 2017. But anyway. I stopped seeing that psychiatrist back in February of this year. On March I ended up seeing a new psychiatrist who decided to stop prescribing Abilify to me. He was surprised that I was being prescribed an antipsychotic for the treatment of major depressive disorder.

The other psychiatrist who was prescribing Abilify to me told me that Abilify was supposed to be an "adjunctive medication" to the antidepressant Remeron, for the treatment of MDD. Back when he decided to prescribe Abilify for the first time to me, I had actually come to /sci/ and to /fit/ for help because it definitely seemed strange to me that a psychiatrist would prescribe an antipsychotic alongside a psychostimulant. I was told by some people that there was nothing wrong about this. Here's that thread: >>/sci/thread/8826665

>ADHD meds will make you psycho even if you are normal.

I am aware of this. This is why I was at first afraid of taking Adderall, because I had read about it beforehand. I had read that Adderall triggers psychotic episodes in certain individuals. My second psychiatrist shook his said and said, "no. That simply never happens" when I had asked him about this. My family *insisted* that I take this medication. They nagged me for months about it. So I ended up taking it.

I don't understand you people. You tell me that psychology, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, and psychiatry are pseudosciences. But then you tell me to continue seeing psychotherapists and psychiatrists.

Since the year 2013 I've seen and spoken with six psychotherapists, five psychiatrists, and a psychologist. I've already been prescribed and taken five antidepressants (Lexapro, Trazodone, Nefazodone, Remeron, and Wellbutrin), an antipsychotic (Abilify), an anti-anxiety agent (Klonopin), and a psychostimulant (Adderall).

I've spent hundreds upon hundreds or even thousands upon thousands of dollars on psychotherapy and psychotropic medication, and I feel worse now than ever before.

I've even gone to the gym and lost over a hundred pounds until my weight dropped down to what is considered normal according to the Body Mass Index.

I've done everything I've been told to do and yet I still feel miserable.

Then I have one of my psychotherapists and one of my psychiatrists both telling me that they refuse to see me and that if I continue trying to contact them that they will call the police on me. And yet I'm still getting people to continue going to psychotherapists and psychiatrists. Why the hell should I keep throwing my money away at those people if they can just cut me off whenever they feel like it?

I've been officially diagnosed by an actual psychologist as having major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Not antisocial personality disorder nor schizophrenia. Nothing like that at all. I've neither said nor done anything sexual nor threatening to any of these people, and yet I have them treating me like a schizophrenic sociopath. The psychologist even put down on my psychological evaluation report that my tendencies toward violence are non-existent. Even he is refusing to see me now.

>>9812347

In a way, yeah. I keep getting these really negative thoughts. Things like, "oh, what's the point of doing anything. Everything feels so stupid and pointless. I should just kill myself. If I kill myself I'd no longer be a burden to anybody. No longer a burden to my mother, no longer a burden to society." I even have the firearm here to kill myself with. I spent $500 on this Smith & Wesson 9mm semi-automatic pistol alongside 50 rounds of ammunition. Not sure if this is sufficient to commit suicide with.

I feel so damn miserable a lot of the time. Sometimes I feel slightly better, but most of the time I just feel awful.

I keep thinking about this one woman I had a thing for last year. One of my therapists. I can't see her anymore because she told me that she'd take legal actions against me if I didn't stop trying to contact her (pic related, it was her last e-mail to me). Every time that I think of her I start feeling even more miserable. Which happens every few minutes or so. Every few minutes a thought pops into my head involving her, and I start to feel miserable all over again.

I don't really do anything. I can barely work up the energy and motivation to do anything with my life. I'm a 29-year-old, unemployed, friendless, high school drop-out. I dropped out of high school back in 2006. I have only ever held one job: as a mall cop for a single month back in 2011. What I have is essentially a decade-long gap of unemployment. I have not had any friends since 1997. I have never dated. I have never been sexually active. I have no car. I live in an apartment with my 72-year-old, hard-working, single mother. I spend one-third of the day sleeping and two-thirds of the day playing video games. I am a shut in; I only go out of my apartment maybe two or three times each month. Usually either to see my psychiatrist and/or pick up my psychotropic medication at my local pharmacy.

Can anyone here explain to me why I'm still depressed?

I've already been prescribed and taken: four antidepressants (Lexapro, Trazodone, Nefazodone, Remeron), one antipsychotic (Abilify), one anti-anxiety agent (Klonopin), one anticonvulsant (primidone), one beta blocker (propranolol), one sedative (Ambien), and one psychostimulant (Adderall).

I've been administered the following scales, inventories, assessments, and/or questionnaires: a Beck Depression Inventory – 2 (BDI-2), a Short Depression Scale (SDS), a Beck Anxiety Inventory (BAI), an Endler Multiaxial Anxiety Survey – Social Anxiety Scales (EMAS-SAS), a Shipley Institute of Living Scale, a Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory – 2 (MMPI-2), a Warwick-Edinburgh Mental Well-being Scale (WEMWBS), a Global Assessment of Functioning, a Sheehan Disability Scale, an Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS-v1.1), a Subjective Happiness Scale (SHS), a Zung Anxiety Self-Assessment Scale, and a Zung Self-Rating Depression Scale.

I've been officially diagnosed as having the following four disorders: Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

I'm currently taking 45 mg of Remeron daily (for the treatment of: MDD), 15 mg of Abilify daily (for the treatment of: MDD, SAD, and GAD), and 60 mg of Adderall daily (for the treatment of: ADHD).

I've already seen and spoken with: five psychotherapists, four psychiatrists, one psychologist, two psychiatric nurse practitioners, and two neurologists.

I've had both CT and MRI scans done on my brain (both of which revealed nothing unusual).

I've spent hundreds upon hundreds or even thousands upon thousands of dollars on numerous medications, assessments, examinations, scans, etc. and yet I'm still depressed.

So, what the hell is going on in my brain?

>>9803784

So Lacanian-Freudian psychoanalytic therapy is bullshit?

Somebody here on /sci/ suggested to me last year that I go to a Lacanian-Freudian psychoanalytic therapist. I had never heard of such a thing but it seemed sort of interesting at the time.

>>9802997

>Is that what therapy is like lul?

That was what therapy was like with my third therapist and she was probably the most immature, unprofessional, irresponsible, rude therapist out of all five therapists that I’ve had. My second therapist wasn’t all that great, either. My 7cups therapist is just okay, but I’ve already cancelled my subscription to 7cups due to me being disappointed with its slow service. My first and fifth therapists I only met with one time each.

>>9801248

Huh? You mean communicating with my 7cups therapist? 7cupsoftea is a web site where you can chat with a real therapist through text messaging on your phone. You can chat with them 24/7 but they have a quota of only two responses per day.

>>9800881

I ask about this because my previous therapist did not seem to be very good but I kept seeing her for a total of six sessions (amounting to $600).

On my first session with her she seemed quirky, quick-witted, and even came off as mildly immature. She interrupted me several times by saying what she assumed I was about to say. After she interrupted me for about the fifth or sixth time, she started laughing.

During the second session she seemed like an almost completely different person. Her appearance was radically different, like she was trying to pull of a "mature" or even "wise" look. She also came off as slightly bitchy. She seemed mostly bored or even annoyed as she kept sighing a lot throughout the session. At some point I started talking about something that I felt was relevant in regards to my family, like how they seem largely anti-science because whenever I start talking to them about science-related topics (whether they be about: genetics, neurology, mental illness, astronomy, etc.) they tend to get unusually defensive and start talking about God like how I was somehow offending him.

At that point my therapist then cut me off and said something like: "Right. Science. You're really big on science. You're Mr. Science Man."

That was just so weird and random, I just responded with: "Uhhh... yeah." And I didn't bother finishing the point that I was trying to make. I remember thinking to myself: "The hell was that about? That was kind of bitchy. Did she do that on purpose? Is she testing me somehow? Or maybe she's just religious and she felt offended. This might get awkward. I'm not exactly sure how this is supposed to help me overcome social anxiety."

In the third session I could swear that she must've been high as fuck on Adderall.

I kind of feel like I should have just dropped her after the first session. I really got the feeling that she was scamming me out of my money and that she was fully aware that she was scamming me.

>>9800608

What the hell is cognitive behavioral therapy, how effective is it, and how do I as a patient go about objectively, scientifically measuring how helpful a particular psychotherapist is?

So many weeks ago I went to see a cognitive behavioral therapist (this is already the fifth psychotherapist that I've seen) and I decided to cancel my second appointment with her because I'm still not entirely sure what CBT is, and how to objectively, scientifically measure how effective it is (if it is even possible for a patient to objectively, scientifically measure how effective psychotherapy is). I had to find a new CBTherapist because my previous CBTherapist bailed on me (she threatened to take legal actions against me if I didn't stop trying to contact her). I also currently have a 7cups therapist who seems cool and all, but she tends to only send two responses per day (two responses per day is apparently her "quota") and some days she doesn't respond at all.

So can anyone here explain to me what the hell CBT actually is? I've been reading up a bit on it and it basically just seems to me like a real fancy way to describe brainwashing. Like CBTherapists just take any "negative" thoughts you might have, and then twist them around into positives.

I've been doing some reading and read that CBT only works for the first six months after therapy has ended. But after those first six months, the patient develops the same symptoms again and then they end up returning to therapy. I've read that psychodynamic therapy is more effective than CBT, and that CBT is mainly just one big scam.

I was also going to see a Lacanian-Freudian psychoanalytic therapist that same month that I met with the CBTherapist but I had to cancel my appointment with him because I was already running low on funds after paying my CBTherapist, my psychiatrist, and paying for my psychotropic medications that my psychiatrist is prescribing to me. My psychiatrist is currently prescribing to me Remeron, Abilify, and Adderall for the treatment of major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

>>9635001
>>9635036

Since my psychotherapist and her superior (the psychologist who wrote me my PsychEval) have both been ignoring my phone calls and e-mails, earlier this month I ended up e-mailing my psychiatrist the following (which is something that I had e-mailed to my psychotherapist and her superior and they did not bother responding to):

>I am writing all of this out in an e-mail right now because I find it easier to articulate myself through text rather than through speech. I apologize if this comes off as an inconvenience

>I find myself sitting here staring at my computer screen, looking at my LinkedIn, Monster, and USAJobs profiles, working on my resume, and applying (or at least trying to apply) to jobs... only to find myself thinking, "what is the point of all of this? Where is all of this headed? What is the point of having a job? To make money? What is the point of making money? To pay for college? What is the point of going to college? To get a college degree? What is the point of getting a college degree? To have a good career? What is the point of having a good career? To make good money? What is the point of making good money? To survive? What is the point of survival? To live life? What is the point of life? To raise a family? What is the point of raising a family?"

My psychiatrist responded with an e-mail telling me that such questions could not be answered via e-mail, but within a session. In the next session he simply told me some story about some Japanese fishermen.

Everything seems so stupid and pointless to me now. Things that once brought me joy no longer do. Video games, movies, television shows, music... it all just seems so stupid and pointless. I can no longer enjoy those things, regardless of how drunk I am. The one thing that still seems to bring me something resembling happiness is that brief high I get in the morning after I chug down those 60 mg of Adderall alongside 300 mg in caffeine tablets.

>>9635036

>Did your psychiatrists ask these fundamental questions before they prescribed you these drugs?

They did not ask me those questions directly, no. But I do remember filling out a ton of forms back in July of 2013 back when I had first gone to see my very first psychiatrist, and I do remember some of those forms having those sorts of questions like:

>do you use drugs frequently? (alcohol & cigarettes included)

Although, it does not really seem as if my psychiatrists actually bother reading what I put down on any of those forms. I have also noticed that psychotherapists and psychologists behave similarly to psychiatrists in regards to this. They ask me questions that could have been easily answered had they simply looked at what I put down on my intake paperwork. They all do it, almost as if to intentionally waste my time and money. They even repeat to me questions that they had already asked before, and then get annoyed with me when I point this out to them.

>SSRIs have been shown to be as effective as psychotherapy

I am not a big fan of SSRIs, but I have found that the effectiveness of Adderall is far more immediate, noticeable, objective, measurable, positive, and long-lasting than the effectiveness of psychotherapy. In fact, I am not entirely sure that I have noticed psychotherapy to be even remotely effective. I have neither felt any happier, wiser, smarter, stronger, less depressed, nor less anxious since starting psychotherapy. I think I would go so far as to say that I have felt even worse since starting psychotherapy.

>>9635001

>But what if you deliberately chose to continue living, even with everything going wrong?

I don't know. I've been going over my head these past few months about where else my life could possibly go. I've imagined the worst of scenarios, and I've imagined the best of scenarios. I've imagined myself losing my hard-working, single, 72-year-old mother and then ending up homeless, struggling to breathe on a cold winter night due to my asthma, and being beaten to death by angry teenagers or police officers. I've imagined myself living a long, happy life with that psychotherapist of mine (I imagined this scenario in a time before she had sent to me that last e-mail, it's all a really long story). I've imagined all sorts of scenarios, some maybe plausible, others impossible.

And so right now I guess I am just desperately trying to organize my thoughts, reaching deep into my soul, trying to come up with the absolute best solution out of all of this so that maybe I could get the best possible scenario that I could ever possibly imagine.

Maybe somebody here could tell me something that no psychotherapist, no psychologist, no psychiatrist has been able to tell me: something mind-blowing, life-changing. Some revelation that just completely changes my perspective on everything.

I've already spent hundreds upon hundreds or even thousands upon thousands of dollars on numerous medications, examinations, types of psychotherapy, etc. and there seems to be no end in sight. Psychotherapists have yet to provide me with any answers that make me go, "wow!" Everything they tell me feels so generic, like the sort of thing I might hear from fictional therapists in movies or television shows like The Sopranos. Not the sort of thing worth paying thousands of dollars for. Psychiatrists are even worse than psychotherapists when it comes to giving advice, but, hey, at least they provide me with Adderall. Which does still manage to make me feel a bit better in the mornings.

>>9634935

>Do you want to start all over again every time you try a new chemistry experiment or do you want to get better?

I am not entirely sure what it is you are asking here. Yes, I want to get better. But I am not entirely sure on which route to take. I am not entirely sure where to go from here. I am receiving contradicting advice from various different people in my life, contradicting advice from: family members, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, psychologists, strangers on the internet, etc. I do not know who's advice I should trust more, who's advice is more reliable, who's advice I should follow. I feel as if just about every decision that I have made up until this point in my life has just been plain awful. Everything that I try doing with my life goes horribly wrong. I am unwanted everywhere I go. Even my own psychotherapists are rejecting me (pic related, it's the last e-mail that my third and most recent psychotherapist sent to me... she sent it to me last month and has since then been ignoring all of my e-mails and phone calls). I have become paralyzed by fear because everything I do, everything I say, everywhere I go, everybody I speak to... it all always just go so horribly wrong. While there was once a time that Adderall gave me sufficient energy and motivation to force me to get up, and out of my home, it now no longer seems to have that same effect. I hate the idea of having to look for a fourth psychotherapist out of fear of going through all of this yet again. And I sit here as a drunk, 29-year-old, unemployed, friendless, high school drop-out with loaded firearm in hand.

>>9634762

>If you actually did what you have to do to be minimally healthy -- three nutritious squares a day at consistent times, exercise, and adequate sleep -- you would still feel sad and have occasional depressions, but nothing requiring a doctor, but you would be better off in every way.

I found it incredibly difficult (if not impossible) going outside and exercising in a time before I started taking Adderall. However, once I started taking Adderall, I went from weighing 284 pounds in January of 2015 to about 160 pounds in August of that same year (I'm 5'11''). So I went from being considered morbidly obese to being considered as someone of normal weight (according to the "Body Mass Index" anyway). All of that from simply walking outside for four hours every day.

Unfortunately, it would seem to be the case that Abilify is reversing this. Since I started taking Abilify, I have noticed considerable weight gain. I currently weigh nearly 220 pounds.

>>9634678

>>have you pursued psychological therapy before pharmacotherapy?

As of right now, I think I feel a bit more respect for psychiatry that I do for psychology and psychotherapy. I mean, at least psychiatrists offer something very real—psychoactive drugs—with objectively noticeable and measurable effects. And the one thing that has helped me the most, by far, more so than any other psychoactive drug and/or type of psychotherapy, would have to be: Adderall.

Recent events have led me to lose what little respect I may have once had for psychology and psychotherapy. I have already seen three psychotherapists and one psychologist, and I have already paid hundreds upon hundreds of dollars on so-called "psychotherapy" that feels more like a scam.

That one psychologist I mentioned wrote me a psychological evaluation report which he sent to me as a .pdf file via e-mail back in July of 2016, a report that seems to have absolutely zero practical use to me. Pic related. It's page one of my PsychEval report.

>>9634682

>Jesus, don't just passively let other people feed you pills like that.

I gave it a lot of thought before finally giving in and taking Abilify for the first time. My psychiatrist had first prescribed Abilify to me sometime around July of last year I believe, but it was not until December that I had finally decided on taking the Abilify. I was so afraid of taking an antipsychotic, that I did not even bother making any appointments to see my psychiatrist for nearly half a year so that he could prescribe more Adderall to me. I was scared that I might be forced into taking antipsychotics. I had basically locked myself up in my apartment due to my paranoia. But then in December I felt so lonely and miserable that I remember holding the Abilify in my hand and thought to myself, "aw, hell. This stuff is supposed to help me look at people in a different way, right? I'm so lonely and miserable. I can't take it anymore. To hell with it. Just take it." And so I did. It has been nearly four months since then and I still feel socially anxious and paranoid. The months just fly by.

>So Parkinson's like symptoms are common (makes sense since Parkinsons's Disease is a degeneration of your dopamine system)

I can remember experiencing some Parkinson's-like symptoms as far back as high school, which is why I went to see a neurologist back in 2006 who had prescribed to me a beta blocker (Propranolol) for the treatment of essential tremors. A few years after that, back in 2013, I went to see a second neurologist who had prescribed to me the anticonvulsant (Primidone).

>>9634711

>OP, you hear voices?

I have only experienced auditory hallucinations as I am falling asleep at night, hallucinations which I believe are better known as "hypnagogic hallucinations". I experience them maybe once every few months. They simply sound like gibberish to me.

>>9634740

>Have you tried ECT?

No I have not, but I have recently begun to strongly consider it out of desperation.

>>9634678

>>how often do you exercise?

I do not exercise at all. Unless you count going outside to walk for a few hours as exercise. Back in 2015 and 2016 I would go outside to walk for about four hours each and every single day. 2015 was when I had first started taking Adderall. It would make me feel so antsy that I would just get up and go outside. However, once I started taking Abilify in December of last year, I have noticed that it seems to induce an almost-vegetative state. I now only go outside about once each month. It feels like such a chore to drag my feet out of my apartment's door.

>>do you use drugs frequently? (alcohol & cigarettes included)

Alcohol, yes. Cigarettes, no, never. I smoked cannabis about two or three times back when I was twenty years old, which was almost a decade ago. My alcohol consumption varies. I can go several months or even years without consuming any alcoholic beverages whatsoever. But every once in awhile I will go out to a nearby liquor store and purchase three cans of malt liquor, which I consume by myself within a single night.

>>do you eat a healthy diet?

Not sure if my diet could be considered "healthy". I only have one meal per day. No breakfast, no lunch, only dinner. I very rarely consume junk food, snacks, and/or candy.

>>have you pursued psychological therapy before pharmacotherapy?

I have already seen three psychotherapists, three psychiatrists, one psychologist, and two neurologists. I have already been prescribed four antidepressants (Lexapro, Trazodone, Nefazodone, Emeron), one antipsychotic (Abilify), one anticonvulsant (Primidone), one sedative (Ambien), and one psychostimulant (Adderall). I met with my first psychiatrist (back in July of 2013) before I met with my first psychotherapist (back in ~June of 2014, I believe). I have already had both CT and MRI scans done on my brain as recommended by the two neurologists, and none of the scans revealed anything abnormal.