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/sci/ - Science & Math

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989322 No.989322 [Reply] [Original]

Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm positive."

SCIENCE JOKES

>> No.989333

Vector walks into a room and says "I've created life from non-life." Everyone in the room says, "WE GOD NOW!"

>> No.989338

WE AM PLAY GODS
WE GO TOO FAR

>> No.989349

not a joke but a biology pick up line.

Baby I wanna be your DNA helicase so i can unzip those genes.

>> No.989347

A neutron walks into a bar and ask how much for a drink. The bartender looks at him and says "For you, no charge"

>> No.989354

Werner Heisenberg get's pulled over by a police officer.
"Do you know how fast you were going?", the officer asks.
Heisenberg replies "no, but I know where I was going"

>> No.989351
File: 22 KB, 512x384, bp.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
989351

>> No.989356

An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walk into a bar (ouch). One of the mathematicians then says, "the bar is now empty" and they begin to play hide and seek. The neutrino is then stopped by a police officer. Officer Heisenberg says, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "You're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

>> No.989361

>>989322
>>989347

My high school chemistry teacher made explaining these two jokes extra credit on a test once. He was kind of weird. :\

>> No.989362

*Knock knock*
Who's there?
Ammonia
Ammonia who?
Ammonia a little boy so please let me in

>> No.989364

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. Before the next one can order, the bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two beers.
--
A chemist, a physicist and a biologist are walking along the beach. The physicist stops, looks out at the ocean and says "I just have to understand the motion of the waves better" and walks into the sea and never returns. The biologist looks out to the sea and says "I just have to understand the sea creatures better" and walks out into the ocean and never returns. The chemist pulls out a notebook and writes "Physicist and biologist both soluble."
--
Why don't jokes work in base 8? Because 7 10 11.
--
A bar walks into a commutative algebraist. (this is my favourite)
--

>> No.989366

Lol'd so bad

>> No.989368

>>989364
There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.

The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.

When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
--
e^x is at a party, just chilling by himself.
2x comes along and says "Come on man! Join the party! Integrate with us!"
e^x says "It won't make any difference"

Same situation, x^x
x^x says "I can't :("
--

>> No.989379
File: 1.59 MB, 912x1216, 1273605469732.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
989379

>>989356

>> No.989378

>>989368

Two professors went to a bar.

Prof 1: I want some H2O!
Prof 2: I want some H2O too!

Prof 2 died.
--
Some helium floats into a bar and the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
The helium doesn't react.
...
Some radon floats into a bar and the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
The radon doesn't react. But Marie Curie dies of radiation poisoning.
--
A mathematician gives his wife a bunch of roses and says "I love you"
She reaches for the roses and beats the poor guy up with it, then kicks him out of the door.
He should've said "I love you, and only you".
--

Yeah, I'll show myself out. =<

>> No.989374

there are ten types of people in the world

those that know binary and those that dont

>> No.989381

God is real

>> No.989465

/sci/ jokes are awesome

>> No.989527

What did one magnet say to the other?
"When I first saw you from behind I found you repulsive, but now that I see you from the front I find you quite attractive."

>> No.989541

>>989356

My high school teacher made explaining this joke extra credit on a test once. He was really fucking weird.

>> No.989572

Needs more bio jokes:

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

>> No.989597

>>989541
Did you have to go through and explain each of the jokes in there line by line? Or could you just say: "It's a bunch of nerdy jokes mixed together."?

>> No.989671

>>989364
That would be 7, 8, 9 in base 10 right? I don't get it

>> No.989685

inb4 tachyon crossing the road

>> No.989714

>>989685
Please collaborate

>> No.989743

>>989714
*elaborate

>> No.989760

Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "Yes, I'm sure."

>> No.989767

>>989743

why did the tachyon cross the road?

>> No.989778

>>989671

Why is six afraid of seven? Because 7,8,9

>> No.989791
File: 132 KB, 623x700, 1273083313555.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
989791

>>989760

i.... i... wait what?

>> No.989796

>>989374
You fucking retard. It doesn't make sense unless you say 10 types of people.

>> No.989798

>>989767
but it crossed the road 30 minutes ago...

>> No.989806

>>989798

> To get to the other side

> Why did the Tachyon cross the road?
L2JOKE

>> No.989811

>>989796
it's a metajoke
we're supposed to laugh at his stupidity

>> No.989810

>>989798

see

>>989764

>> No.989805

>>989791
Niehls Bohr was explaining his diagram of the atom. "The nucelus is full of protons and neutrons, in the middle." He pointed at the electron particle. "And here is the electron, which orbits the nucleus."
At the back of the room, Werner Heisenberg chuckles. He stands up and says, "No, I'm sorry. You're wrong."

>> No.989803

>>989778
seven ate nine?

>> No.989824

Einstein, Newton and other great minds are all playing hide and go seek. Einstein is 'it', while Einstein counts Newton grabs a stick and draws a square meter into the ground and then sits in the middle. When Einstein turns around he see's Newton and says "I found you." Newton says "No you didn't."

>> No.989826

>>989803
Why would seven eat nine?

>> No.989841

a dyslexic scientist walks into a bar with his pet horse. he's an alcohol and its destroying his family.
the barman tells him to leave the horse outside.

>> No.989868

>>989767
>>989764

oh,u.

>> No.989911

>>989805
Premedfag here: is this because Heisenberg stated you can't know exactly where an electron is?

>> No.989916

>>989911

read:non-joke.

>> No.989930

>>989826

Why? Why?

>> No.989962

why is base 8 scared of christmas?

because 25 DEC = 31 OCT

>> No.989970

>>989362
Explain, please ;_;

>> No.989982
File: 65 KB, 319x296, 519004659.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
989982

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!

>> No.989999

>>989982

DEXTER'S A COOKIE

>> No.990012

>>989970
ammonia = im only a

>> No.990030

Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy?

Because when he had the position he never had the momentum, and when he had the time he never had the energy.

>> No.990036

baby... i want to differentiate you.. so i can be the tangent to your curves

or the other way

baby... i want to integrate you, so i can explore the area between your head and legs

>> No.990037

>>990030
wow that one actually requires understanding beyone high school level... nobody here will get it

>> No.990038

>>989378

>Some radon floats into a bar and the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
The radon doesn't react. But Marie Curie dies of radiation poisoning.

LOL'd hard

>> No.990059

>>990037
Please be trolling, it's the easiest Heisenberg joke here.

>> No.990107

How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?

-e^(i*pi) !!

>> No.990125

God exists.

>> No.990132

>>989381
Lol

>> No.990139

>>989685
you should have said, in after.
lol

>> No.990153

>>989381
>>989381
>>989381
>>989381

I lol'd so fucking hard. Nice one.

>> No.990168

>>989982
I've seen this joke in Dexter`s Lab.

>> No.990199

>>989824

Explain please.

>> No.990208

>>990199
Newtons per square meter = Pascal

>> No.990211

2 Cauchy sequences want to go to a "no-limit" party, but the bouncer says "sorry, we're complete"

>> No.990218

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic......

>> No.990232

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a nigger.

>> No.990256

>>989356
i think my head just exploded

>> No.990257
File: 22 KB, 256x384, 20100130-220433.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
990257

Another shitty repost thread. Oh joy!

>> No.990264

This joke was actually the last question on my physics final. Needless to say, that thanks to /sci/, I got it right.

>> No.990268

A mathematician, an engineer and an architect have the task to surround the biggest as possible amount of area with a fence.
The architect tries and does not even accomplish it because there is a breach in his fence.
The engineer is able to include a pretty big area.
The mathematician just builds a small circle around him and says:"I define: I am outside of the fence".
That is my favourite...

>> No.990309
File: 8 KB, 300x90, 1263124777633.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
990309

i love this one

>> No.990315
File: 297 KB, 900x879, 2006-02-13-trouble_in_memphis.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
990315

>> No.990328

>>990107
Wow, an original joke. Well i never!

>> No.990363

>>990268
lol'd

>> No.990390

>>990268
Awesome.

>> No.990418

January 16th, 2010 -- Port of Prince, Haiti. Earlier this week, a group of NASA scientists was sent to study a local set of interstellar clusters for the possible discovery of new interstellar nurseries. The scientists, however, reported "excessive background noise" when they pointed out their telescopes at the coordinates of interest and later on at all other points in the sky. The multi-million dollar project runs on a 4 week time period and it's expected to give "new insights into the evolution of stellar growth" said astrophysicist Stuart MIll "but this recent radiation is quite literarly blinding our scopes". Experts overseeing the NASA project currently contend that the noise appears to be due to "excessive black body radiation" that inexplicably peaked after January 13....

>> No.990425

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar.

And it doesn't.

>> No.990431

>>990268
Never noticed my extreme nerdiness until I lol'd at that.

>> No.990433

>>990425
lol'd

>> No.990491

Heard the one about the constipated mathematician?

He had to work his logs out with a pencil.

>> No.990581
File: 78 KB, 244x245, 126359042084.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
990581

> this thread

>> No.990623

>>989364
>Why don't jokes work in base 8? Because 7 10 11.
I lol'd.

>> No.991060
File: 36 KB, 500x500, tumblr_kzuwmptJbH1qaaowno1_500.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
991060

>>990232
this is what you meant sir.
you're welcome.

>> No.991536

A legrangian walks into a bar but forgets to derivitize the partition of function so it gets drunk and getting legrungy.

>> No.991606

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"

Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.

>> No.991611

>>989318

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>> No.991628

>>990268
explain