How to find drive to study during depression?

[Anonymous No.9866710]

Long story short, I'm clinically depressed and have to study for a few weeks straight.

I've already started taking medication but based on the the meta-analysis I've looked there seems to be a high likelihood of low efficacy.

I need to start now!!!

[Anonymous No.9866715]

>>9866710
stop taking medication. Your sadness is you drowning yourself in the fear of mediocrity. Overcome, your brain is telling you something.

[Anonymous No.9866717]

close all tabs and just start

this very fucking instant

[Anonymous No.9866725]

>>9866717
I have tried that and opened up my book but after 10 minutes I want to kill myself. I can't get into the "zone" and just lay back looking at the ceiling.

>>9866715
>Drowning yourself in fear of mediocracy.
This is true as I think I'm considered to be overachiever but this has never hindered me before. Less than a year the effort of studying or even working out was so much less.

It seems like your empathetic. Have you had a similar experience as me caused by fear of mediocracy?

[Anonymous No.9866729]

>>9866725
then my second and last suggestion: find a study partner

during my studies, I never goofed off when I had someone who forced me to keep up and mutually bounce questions off

[Anonymous No.9866736]

>>9866729
Appreciate the tip but I didn't take the course last year so I have to do it during this summer break. I'm the only one unfortunately.

[Anonymous No.9866854]

>>9866710
Destroy the depressive construct you hold within your mind first, because deep within your subconscious you hold all sorts of nasty degrading beliefs that are causing you to hate yourself.

[Anonymous No.9867015]

>>9866854
How do I find these? I feel fucked up but I can't point to a specific thing that could've caused my depression.

[Anonymous No.9867044]

>>9867015
Think about what thoughts come to mind when you're ruminating on negative things. then try to deconstruct why you feel influenced to hold these perceptions. Things like personal philosophy, beliefs about success, or money. The influence of friends, and your general desires.

A lot of not being depressed is just being happy with what you got, but all those aforementioned influences stack up in the back of your mind, and prevent this from being truly believed.

[Anonymous No.9867062]

>>9866725
Your supposed to feel depressed, there's something deeply wrong with your character. Your subconscious sees it, but your conscious doesn't.

[Anonymous No.9867697]

>>9866715
>>9866854
>>9867044
>>9867062
>Back in my day, when we felt sad we snapped out of it! If you're depressed that's because there's something wrong with YOU and YOU have to fix it. No, don't take pills, kid, it's only a scam used by (((them))) to fuck you over. You deserve this because you're a brainlet!

[Anonymous No.9868542]

>>9867697
>Back in my day, when we felt sad we snapped out of it! If you're depressed that's because there's something wrong with YOU and YOU have to fix it.
I dont understand how you can say this ironically, unless you're such a useless little sack of shit, you actually like victimizing yourself.

[Anonymous No.9868557]

>>9866715
>fear of mediocrity
if OP is depressed then he's already lost, he's already mediocre

[Anonymous No.9868801]

>>9868542
Well, I guess you're to intelligent for me, since I'm so stupid I "let myself be depressed".
You nerds always loved imagining yourself as a mentally superior when you're actually just smug about your "intelligent" mind, you've never even known what it feels like to lose your fucking mind and fuck up your life because of your fucking neuroticism.

[Anonymous No.9868809]

>>9868801
Yeah I do, I know exactly how that feels, and Ive been a hakikimorii for 2 years and 7 months because of it, but I've overcome, and only because i took the time to disassemble the stupid shit I used to believe in.

Alcoholism, depression, and dissatisfaction took everything from me that I held dear.

[Anonymous No.9868860]

>>9868809
hikikomori

[Anonymous No.9869085]

>>9866710
I was clinically depressed. Then I started earthing for unrelated reason. Now I'm 5 months off antidepressants.

So if you've got $100+ bucks lying around, get on it. You'll also get better sleep.

[Anonymous No.9869274]

>>9868809
Hockey- what now?

[Anonymous No.9870205]

>>9866710
I'm in the same boat as OP I can't seem to start studying for my exam, which is in 12 hours; all I can do is think about suicide constantly and how it would be better to be dead.
But then again I have nothing in life that motivates me I'm a khhv at 22, a brainlet aswell and I cope with stress by just ignoring my tasks and running away.

[Anonymous No.9870211]

Don’t just sit in your house eating Cheerios and bananas while worrying about other people. Take your mornings on the weekend to go do something active. Study and do work in the afternoon after you’re well awakened from the blood flow. Try to exercise in the mornings before class. We get depressed because studying it unbelievably boring.

[OP No.9870213]

>>9868557
That's not true.

[Anonymous No.9870235]

>>9866710
Fucking idiot lol, just be yourseld, just study lol
Depression is just a meme mental illness
Lift some weights faggot

[Anonymous No.9870515]

>>9870213
Keep telling yourself that, loser.

[Anonymous No.9870704]

>>9870235
Already lift

>>9870515
Try to be more provocing next time.

[Anonymous No.9870710]

>>9866710
Do shrooms to cure your depression

[Anonymous No.9871122]

>>9870704
bp/sq/dl?

[Anonymous No.9871136]

>>9871122
I don't squat anymore.

80kg/-/160kg

Please don't bully!

[Anonymous No.9871159]

>>9866710
>taking """"""'medication""""""

Start doing some real drugs that are proven to help you feel good. AKA narcotics. Cocaine. Meth. Shrooms.

[Anonymous No.9871161]

>>9871136
>doesn't even bench lmao2plate!!1

I'd be depressed too.

[Anonymous No.9871193]

>>9871136
Are you a girl? Else I hope you've just started two months ago and these are not 1rms

[Anonymous No.9871271]

I the same boat as OP kinda. I always can't help but feel inadequate and worthless as I look around me and see people just genuinely better than me. I constantly hear about these great scientists who were extremely smart and talented, who were good at a variety of things because they were so exponentially intelligent and I cant help but hate myself for how mediocre I am, am never gonna be able to grasp things like these guys/gals do at the rate that they do and it makes me self loathe because of it knowing that there's truly no way to fix that.

[Anonymous No.9871273]

>>9871271
>exponentially intelligent
lmao ur right kys

[OP No.9871394]

>>9871161
>>9871193

I'm not a girl and so have been lifting for more than two months and it is my 1 rep max.

[Anonymous No.9871397]

>>9871271
>I always can't help but feel inadequate and worthless as I look around me and see people just genuinely better than me.

Stop doing this to yourself, dumbass.

[OP No.9871403]

>>9871397
I don't think he's serious, I think he just tried to provoke me by implying indirectly that I am mediocre and inferior to other people.

[Anonymous No.9871836]

I have been in a similar situation. I had been struggeling with depression for several years while in college and I at some point decided to try St. John Wort for acing the hard courses at the end of my degree. The first week was really good. I felt great right away. The reason I was feeling so great was that I was directly launched into a manic episode which by the second week turned into serotonin syndrome and mild psychosis. My brain seemed have a abnormal reaction. It was hard for me to understand what was going on since I was actually doing great at this time, both for my courses and my personal projects. I had very little personal contact with other people at this time. When I finally understood what was happening, I stopped taking the pills and recovered somewhat but felt weird for months even less able to study than before the pills. When I started to feel normal again months later I needed to learn the material super fast. This is the second situation that is similar to yours.

[Anonymous No.9871850]

>>9871836

If you're taking St. Johns Wort you should be really careful about interactions with all kinds of other drugs including multivitamins. I was careful, but still got fucked up due to my weird brain chemistry.

[Anonymous No.9871858]

Am I the only one for who depression isn't just a sad feeling but rather a lack of energy?

I actually want to do things but I feel physically and mentally tired and even if I enjoy something I only enjoy it for a very short time before I get bored and find it impossible to focus. Any sadness I feel comes from being so unproductive and behind others in life. Despite having several interests my days consists of wasting time until I can go to bed again. Some days I can sleep for 16 hours.

I have yet to read about someone saying that anti-depressants gave them energy.

[Anonymous No.9871861]

>>9871858
That's more likely to be an associated disorder such as chronic fatigue syndrome

[Anonymous No.9871868]

>>9871858

This is the guy that was tripping on St. Johns Wort. I feel similar to what you described ca 50% of the time. Rest is stereotypical depression with self-hate, regret, guilt, hopelessness, despair etc. I have dysthymia with frequent major episodes ("Double depression"). The first week of taking the pills felt like I had woken up from being a sleep. I was full of energy for the first time in years. Quickly I became manic and the rest you can read about in my earlier post. Super sad when I turned bad ::::::::(

[Anonymous No.9871875]

>>9866710

My mate was in that situation. I think that a psycologist would help you a lot. Just someone to vent and tell about the worries you have. Study and then go to some psychology sessions. Maybe it will help.

[Anonymous No.9871936]

>>9871394
How long then, it's crazy low for a dude

[6666666666666666666666666 No.9871960]

>>9871858
I have exactly the same feeling during all my life ! So glad someone's like me..

[Anonymous No.9871993]

>>9871960
Is there any way to find out the cause?

I did a sleep study and my thyroid is fine. Are there any tests that with 99%+ certainty can say if you have nutritional deficiencies or not?

[OP No.9872106]

>>9871858

I'm OP and I feel exactly like you.

I've always been pretty goal-oriented and ambitious academically and that hasn't changed. I know what I should and want to do but just can't, the mental burden is so large. I've lost interest in a lot of things and even while watching a movie I turn it off after a half hour as I easily get drained.

I'm rarly sad but I'm also rarly happy. I don't want to fuck up my grades, that's my biggest fear right now but I can't even feel anxious.

[OP No.9872118]

>>9871836
Have you tried other medication? I felt a lot better (not manic) straight away when I was on escitalopram the first week but soon after it started tapering off. I'm on venlafaxin now which I have taken for less than a week and I don't feel any better. Hopefully it start taking effect soon but I doubt it.

[Anonymous No.9872125]

>>9871858
Sounds like heaven, I wish I had things I enjoyed and interests. I would trade being bored to death with not having energy to do the things I want to do any day of the week.

[Anonymous No.9872127]

>>9872106
So how long have you been lifting and what's your gpa? Are you self-conscious about it?

Also it's *rarely, you're welcome.

[Anonymous No.9872134]

>>9872106
Yeah I feel the same as well, but now my exams are over. I have nothing to do; I feel empty.
I'm trying to talk to my friends more to distract me from the fact I currently have no ambitions and I feel tried all of the time.

[OP No.9872182]

>>9872127
I've been lifting for over a year but for the past six months which is when my depression started I have progressively reduced the frequency of workouts until two months ago which was when I stopped completely. I started forcing myself to the gym like two weeks ago though but I've already lost so much strength.

I'm in the final year of high school in Sweden so we don't have gpa and the grade average isn't equivalent to the American school system.

I currently have 19.8/20.
The highest admissions boundry currently is 19.6/20 which is a medical school (karolinska institute) but my first choices I'm considering are 19.3/20 and 19.5/20 respectively.

So if I don't fuck up this final year I can get into anything I want in my country as admissions are solely grade average based.

[Anonymous No.9872209]

>>9871858
Brainlets shouldn't be allowed to post on /sci/.

[Anonymous No.9872211]

>>9872182
You know that most guys who have never set foot in a gym are stronger than you despite never lifting ever? lmao, get your test checked, bad genetics might be the cause of your depression.

[Anonymous No.9872225]

>>9872182
>I've been lifting for over a year
I'd give up lifting if I were you, perhaps you're a non-responder (i.e. genetic inability to put on muscle due to a small amount of satellite cells, it's a thing, look it up)

[Anonymous No.9872229]

difficult or impossible almost by definition. depression is characterized by a low mood and a lack of motivation, even for things that you normally enjoy.

normies will confuse it with typical burnout or boredom and tell you to do something else. this is bad advice. you have to find a way out of depression first. aside from low mood, people with depression have low BDNF, smaller hippocampi, and impaired memory. real, physical obstacles to learning and working.

[Anonymous No.9872265]

>>9872229
>you have to find a way out of depression first

But hooooow?

Even with the right mindset what can you do if you have no energy? I know that people can fight through fatigue but could you do it with sheer will every day forever?

I think it's one thing to maybe work for a week or two on low sleep to finish your thesis or finish some big project at work but what if right after waking up you feel like you could go back to sleep again? Could you push through this fatigue every day for 16+ hours and peform as good or even better than normal people in your career?

[Anonymous No.9872268]

>>9872265
>But hooooow?
Better genetics

[Anonymous No.9872274]

drop a tab of acid

risky but if it works it will work

[Anonymous No.9872318]

>>9866715
OP, do not listen to this guy.

The fact that you express a need to study is a good start. Because you mentioned you are taking meds, I assume you have a psychiatrist. Express your desire to study to him/her.

you mentioned the meds you're taking aren't guaranteed. Don't worry, there are plenty of different meds, and this is an inexact science. trial and error, my man.

[Anonymous No.9872324]

>>9872318
>and this is an inexact science. trial and error, my man.

Pretty worrying considered how every med has people complaining about terrible side effects, some that they say never went away. Makes me anxious.

[Anonymous No.9872325]

>>9872324

doing nothing is worse. have faith

[Anonymous No.9872338]

>>9872325
But do anti-depressants actually give you drive? The most common expression I heard is that they make people feel like zombies which doesn't sound very driven to me.

[Anonymous No.9872354]

You don't need antidepressants OP, given your performances you'd better take some steroids.

[Anonymous No.9872384]

>>9872338
now that I don't know. I am neither a psychiatrist nor a biologist. This is a good question for your psychiatrist though, definitely ask next time you see him/her. Obviously, they will advocate the meds, but they will have an explanation for that as well.

I am advising, merely, not to take a defeatist attitude of "oh, anti-depressants (supposedly) either barely work or are counter productive, therefore better to not try them at all" It is worth noting that the biggest advocate of that viewpoint is the church of Scientology (not to be trusted).

[Anonymous No.9872419]

>>9872338
That's more commonly reported with antipsychotics and antianxiety drugs, and the like.

Not that antidepressants don't have side effects, but they tend to be of the other sort.

[Anonymous No.9872450]

>>9872265
>I know that people can fight through fatigue but could you do it with sheer will every day forever?

depression isn't ordinary fatigue and should not be treated as such. you can be conscious of your own ambition or imperatives without necessarily having the motivation to act. knockout mice without enough dopamine will starve even if food is set just a few inches away. it's not that they don't get hungry, but the mere act of walking up to the food requires so much perceived effort that they can't do it no matter how hungry they are. it's a living hell where you understand what you have to do but are unable to do it because you're paralyzed by a defective reward system.

[Anonymous No.9872454]

>>9872450

it's a kind of hell normal people will never understand in their lives. ignore their judgement and carry on. fortunately, most major depressive episodes resolve spontaneously in a few months. you just have to ride it out and take care of yourself until it passes. exercise and a good diet help but are no cure.

[Anonymous No.9872492]

>>9872450
I keep thinking about this. I mean I am a human who unlike an animal has the unique ability of self-awareness right? So I should be able to ignore any kind of bodily signs and fight through it with willpower.

Yet I can't... Even if I tell myself logically "I can't let fatigue, pain and pleasure control my behavior. I should be better than this." But yet I remain a slave. It makes me feel weak and like I don't really want to achieve the things I want if I am relying on my body to make me feel pleasure or not feel discomfort.

But then again I read and listen to successful people talk and it's clear that they genuinly enjoy doing what they do and for the most part don't have to force themselves. Then I also read how willpower has a genetic component or is something you learn when you grow up.

I think I let all these scientific findings enter my free will decision making field and now I keep using them as excuse for not doing anything. Every time I feel some kind of resistance instead of pushing through it I now thing it's my biological limit that I can't push through because the ability to do that is genetic as well...

[Anonymous No.9872541]

>>9872492
>I think I let all these scientific findings enter my free will decision making field and now I keep using them as excuse for not doing anything


this is how most people view it, but they're wrong. consider the mouse example. it's not that the mouse is willfully engaging in self-defeating patterns of thought or anything so complex. to the mouse, it just feels too damned hard to move. they don't respond to the chemical that "throttles up" their brain and body. they're always idling.

[Anonymous No.9872545]

>>9872541

of course, this is an extreme example. for humans, a little self-defeating thought may keep them under the threshold of action, but chalking it up to laziness isn't really helpful nor will it motivate anyone.

[Anonymous No.9872546]

>>9872541
But the mouse doesn't have the human self-awareness to realize what is going on. As a human shouldn't you be able to use the knowledge that the chemicals in your brain are making you lazy to fight against it?

[Anonymous No.9872571]

>>9872546
>As a human shouldn't you be able to use the knowledge that the chemicals in your brain are making you lazy to fight against it?

what about people with parkinsons?
>The motor symptoms of the disease result from the death of cells in the substantia nigra, a region of the midbrain.[1] This results in not enough dopamine in these areas.[1]

are they also too lazy? you can't wish your neurochemistry back into normal ranges.

yes, self-defeating thought is not helpful. in some cases, people can resolve their depression by improving their outlook. sometimes they need reuptake inhibitors. the underlying cause is a defective reward/motivation system and you just try your best to work around it. unfortunately, we live in depressing times.

[Anonymous No.9872585]

>>9872571

>yes, self-defeating thought is not helpful. in some cases, people can resolve their depression by improving their outlook. sometimes they need reuptake inhibitors.

While improved outlook is indicative of recovery, it certainly isn't its cause. Also, Serotonin reuptake inhibitors likely do not work since Serotonin-related theories of depression are wrong.

Read:

>>9861757

[Anonymous No.9872587]

>>9872546
Kinda compare it to folks who think you should be able to "will" hallucinations away, since they "know" they are not real, and thus should be able to invoke disbelief to dispel them.

They ignore the fact that, were your mind in a state where it would recognize the hallucination was not real, it wouldn't be having the hallucination to begin with. With the exception of lucid dreaming states, the mind filters out bullshit and misinformation all the time - there's a lot of noise in there - but if those filters break down, you can't will them back into existence. The hallucination is part of your mind's reality. Self-awareness doesn't help, as it's part of your awareness.

But a second opinion from a mind you trust might.

Severe depression is, similarly, a situation in which awareness of the fact doesn't remove the fact, and similarly, while you may attempt to medicate yourself out of it, nothing is going to be as effective as another self-aware being, who isn't living inside your head, that you can rely on. Thus why, when it comes to dealing with depression, everyone always recommends, first and foremost, social interaction.

[Anonymous No.9872588]

>>9872571
Do you have any advice on how to deal with this self-fulfilling prophecy of beliving that you are limited by your biology? I wish I could adopt that "I can achieve anything I want if I try hard enough" mindset but I can't unread all the research.

[Anonymous No.9872603]

>>9872588

>I wish I could adopt that "I can achieve anything I want if I try hard enough" mindset but I can't unread all the research.

Ask yourself: Would you really want to believe something that is beneficial to you for practical purposes, even if its wrong?

[Anonymous No.9872620]

>>9872603
Ya basically just summed up the human condition in a single sentence.

[Anonymous No.9872643]

>>9872585
>While improved outlook is indicative of recovery, it certainly isn't its cause

in most cases this might be true, but CBT can probably improve depression somewhat although personally i've had more success with CBT in treating anxiety.

>Also, Serotonin reuptake inhibitors likely do not work since Serotonin-related theories of depression are wrong.

dopamine does the trick for me.

[Anonymous No.9872647]

Dude weed lmao

[Anonymous No.9872658]

>>9872588

no, because it's not usually a self-fulfilling prophecy. it's your conscious mind's (correct) assessment of your circumstances. i'm sure there's a feedback effect, so changing your frame of mind can help, but it's not always sufficient or possible to simply will away depression. do you understand this?

[Anonymous No.9872659]

>>9872211
>>9872225
wtf are you guys talking about

At most gyms (and I'm not talking about meme gyms like 24 hour fitness and likewise), you will find the vast majority of people not benching 2 plates

[Anonymous No.9872663]

unfortunately, drugs are the only way i've found to overcome my lack of motivation.

[Anonymous No.9872712]

>>9872659
A lot of people are pussies, and only do easy exercises to make them feel better, but a good lot could bench 80kg or say 70kg*5 on the first day of the gym (they shouldn't of course because they'd need to learn proper form first, usually by starting with the bar and progressing steadily), but in raw strength they're already there. Do you really think 80kg for a 1rm is okay after more than a year of training? I don't have realiable statistics (too small sample size) but really, getting to two plates takes <6 months (for a *healthy* male at least)

[Anonymous No.9872717]

>>9872658
>it's your conscious mind's (correct) assessment of your circumstances.

well, "correct" in the sense that you recognize a lack of motivation or drive as the problem, not necessarily that you believe you can't do something were you motivated enough. those are two different problems. motivation and cognitive capacity are different.

[Anonymous No.9872723]

>>9872588
It's not really a self-fulfilling prophecy, it is the truth. A guy with 100 iq will never be smart enough to get a PhD (or even a bsc lmao), and likewise a guy who benches 80kg after a year won't ever bench 3pl8 which isn't even that big of an achievement to begin with

That's life, sorry guys.

[Anonymous No.9872760]

>>9872723
If it's the truth then it's annoying that few people recognize this.

So not only do you get to fail but you also get to hear how it's all your fault.

[Anonymous No.9872776]

>>9872760
Yep indeed
Most of these pricks are normies/redditors

[Anonymous No.9872784]

>>9872118

No, my docotor and psychiatrist wouldn't let me yet since I'm in the process of getting an ASD diagnosis. They wanted for me to wait until that is resolved.

Did you get any explanation from your doctor/psychiatrist for why the effect tapered off? Maybe fast onset is related to tapering off? I wish you the best with your new medication. Slow onset might be good.

[Anonymous No.9872789]

>>9866710
Everyone telling you to quit your meds cold turkey are idiots. Meds are useful for getting you out of those suicidal and negative thought loops. They aren't there as a cure all but as a way to start the healing process. Meds in conjunction with counseling is extremely beneficial. After a while you can then slowly ween off the medication.

[Anonymous No.9872812]

>>9872789

Neither meds (SSRI) nor counseling do anything:
>>9861757

You are right about quitting cold turkey being stupid though. Slow and steady discontinuation is the key.

[Anonymous No.9872817]

>>9872723

100 IQ might not make PhD totally unattainable. A guy can do his PhD outside of funded PhD programs in his spare time, at his own pace. IQ is a lot about speed. What the fuck do I know, maybe some \leq 100 IQ has the strongest passion for some esoteric subject where the sheer mental processing isn't key to the thesis. Seems plausible, at least outside STEM.

[Anonymous No.9872818]

>>9872723
>It's not really a self-fulfilling prophecy, it is the truth. A guy with 100 iq will never be smart enough to get a PhD (or even a bsc lmao),

this isn't really what we were talking about. we were talking about motivation, not about capacity. the other anon changed the subject of our discourse.

[Anonymous No.9872824]

>>9872712
>70kg*5 on the first day of the gym
This is bullshit. Most guys are weak af. Where tf do you live that most guys can bench that much on the first day in the gym?

I'm speaking for college-aged males too

[Anonymous No.9872827]

>>9872817
>unfunded PhD in spare time outside of stem
HOLY MOTHER OF KEKS HAERHAERHAER xDDDDD^D^D^D

I was obviously talking about a real PhD, not a fucking honoris causa or whatever it's called
L M A O
M
A
O

[Anonymous No.9872840]

>>9869274
Underrated

[Anonymous No.9872845]

>>9872824
So you're yet another "guy" with a 80kg bench after 10 years?

[Anonymous No.9872852]

>>9872845
No, I had 100 kg after 4 months, but I build muscle very easily

I just don't understand where you're getting this idea from

[Anonymous No.9872857]

>>9872852
Well this is average progress and you've just confirmed that, so I don't see how my idea is so off

[Anonymous No.9872860]

>>9872827

I just wanted to add nuance, which your response makes clear I was successful at. Do you really think I was aiming at completely falsifying your claim?

[Anonymous No.9872862]

>>9872860
Adding nuance to something that is extremely unlikely to happen and which is a waste of time could potentially encourage brainlets to pursue a PhD, which could prove very harmful to them, so in a way I am making everyone a favor in this thread by highlighting the cold, hard truth.

[Anonymous No.9872870]

>>9872862

Okay. I see your point.

[Anonymous No.9872875]

>>9866710
Work->Negative thoughts and feelings->Meditate->Work.

The only way to become what you want to be is to throw away everything else

[Anonymous No.9872880]

>>9866710
Read through the thread, OP. I see that a few people are telling you to figure out what's bothering and blocking you or to discover what it is you want and to start focusing on that. Ostensibly, this advice is helpful and no doubt sincere but in my case it was completely ineffective. There was nothing I could point to as the main reason for my lethargy and underwhelming passion and ambition to better myself, regardless of the fact that I was so brutally honest that I was willing to make the situation worse if only it meant that I was, ironically, offered some respite. Encouraging me to discover what it was I was passionate about presupposed that there was something there in the first place - I searched and came up empty - to discover. There was nothing that I "wanted." I've spent the majority, almost half, of my entire existence depressed, confused, afraid, and sorrowful, and I've never bothered to see a therapist or psychiatrist about it. I've also never taken any medication for it. About a year ago I reached the lowest point in my life when I was about to pull the trigger, literally. I couldn't do it so I resorted to crying for weeks and months instead. Gradually, I had started to feel better. I'm not sure exactly what it was that caused that to occur, but as far as I can tell thus far, it was the fact that I had nowhere left to run. Whatever I had been doing to suppress my feelings and thoughts prior (such as video games, the company of friends, classes, porn, etc.) couldn't protect me anymore. I was forced to face who I was. I suppose, you could say, that I had "that." I knew, at the very least, honestly and absolutely, that I was unhappy and disappointed with almost my entire life until that point. It was something I now "had" which I never did have prior, because I always avoided that truth.

[Anonymous No.9872886]

>>9872663
What drugs?

[Anonymous No.9872893]

>>9872880
Cont.

I'm glad to say that I'm doing much better today, although some days are still harder than others. I have a plan, at the very least, regarding something that I "want." I've never wanted anything like I want this thing right now, so I think it's genuine. I think for the first time in my life I've wanted something like a normal person wants something. I want to work for it so I've given myself explicit goals that I'm capable of not reaching because I'm not afraid of failure, but only of not trying. I'm tired of not trying. Trying, I've come to find, once it comes from a drive deep within you, is a reward itself.

I don't know what to tell you regarding how it is you should go about finding what it is that you "want." I'm surely not going to recommend that you let things become so bad that you contemplate suicide right at the precipice. You should seek help from your friends and family, but if my experience is anything to go buy, a true and lasting change will only come from within. None of the "discover your passion" and "overcome your fears" stuff helped. I had to face myself with a gun in my hand, and somehow, something clicked. Good luck.

[Anonymous No.9872916]

>>9872880
>>9872893
For a long time there was nothing I wanted so I just wasted time with video games and posting online but now that I do want something it feels like it's too late to compete with people who had it all figured out early in life since it's a highly competetive industry. It's like my development is shifted by 10 years.

[Anonymous No.9872976]

>>9872852
>>9872857
No it's not, the fucking football players at my uni were impressed how quickly I put on muscle

My point is I don't see anyone else doing this - where do you get this idea?

[Anonymous No.9873002]

>>9872976
Because they are football players. Did you watch the world cup? A bunch of them have noodle arms, yet they are world class. Football players aren't meant to be huge, even in the legs. They mainly train for strength and focus on the legs. You'd probably not impress any bodybuilders (who focus on muscle mass), even amateur ones.

Also, a 100 kg bp in 4 months being similar to my progress and those of my friends, you probably started out just like us, i.e. ~1 rm at least 70 kg (estimation though, never actually tried). I quit lifting a long fucking time ago and I'm not huge at all, I could probably still bench 70kg

What's your wrist size? I guess it's average (about 7"), hence the average progress (wrist size and bench press are very correlated, maybe .7 or .8 off the top of my head)

Those with 8"+ start out at 100+kg, now that's impressive, but that's not me or you, because we are average. You probably go to a shitty gym.

[Anonymous No.9873020]

>>9866710
listen to this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvryolGa19A

[Anonymous No.9873076]

>>9873020
superior version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=camtQULMLtA

[Anonymous No.9873410]

>>9872812
Well the only real studies or citations I see in there are with regards to schizophrenia. Most of the other stuff I just someone posting without any papers of citation backing their words.
http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/07/07/ssris-much-more-than-you-wanted-to-know/
This seems a bit less biased and doesn't attempt to state that ssri's are without a doubt "clinically significant" but it does show how meta-analysis and other claims I saw in the other thread can be twisted to suit either side of the debate

[Anonymous No.9873682]

>>9872840
haha upboated! +1 friend!

[Anonymous No.9873714]

>>9866710
Been there before dude. Try doing your best learning to love yourself. If you find yourself staying in bed in the morning, you need to get into the habit of getting up out of bed the same second you open your eyes. Not to be dude weed lmao but marijuana can (not will, can) greatly help and so can meditation. As for studying, try to interact with and be interested in what you're doing.

[Anonymous No.9873746]

>>9873410
>This seems a bit less biased and doesn't attempt to state that ssri's are without a doubt "clinically significant" but it does show how meta-analysis and other claims I saw in the other thread can be twisted to suit either side of the debate

If a single study, a review or a meta analysis can be skewed to support either side it is obviously useless.

The other OP argues:

1) There is no sufficient evidence for SSRI working.
2) Absence of evidence != evidence of absence
3) You can't mimic or reduce depression with either a Serotonin defiency or excess Seronotin.
4) With 3) in mind Serotonin can neither be the underlying cause nor a cure of mood disorders.

[Anonymous No.9874220]

>>9873714
pot does not help. It will make you complacent in your ways.

[Anonymous No.9874413]

>>9874220
Way to use a qualifying word. It worked for me, making your point invalid. Like I said, pot can help, but is not guaranteed to, and in some cases it accelerates psychosis and may induce paranoia.

[Anonymous No.9874419]

>>9874413
the primary effect of marijuana is to make you stupid for two hours and then low-energy for the rest of the day.

OP expressed that it's important to him personally to find the motivation to study. How will this help?

[Anonymous No.9874509]

>>9871858
I have periods when all I seem to do is sleep and periods when I unwillingly wake up at 4AM no matter what.

[Anonymous No.9876196]

>>9874419
The effects depend on the strain that you consume. There are many, many strains and I imagine that a sativa or a sativa-dominant hybrid could give him the energy to study and help his mood lean toward wanting to study. If not wanting to study, then at least not wanting to kill himself.

[Anonymous No.9877561]

>>9873002
These are American football players, not semen slurping football

All the fucks on bodybuilding.com say different, it takes them a year+ usually to get 2 plate bench - and they're not normies

I also go to an American university gym

[Anonymous No.9878912]

>>9877561
They're not normies because they train, not because they have god-tier genetics.
On bodybuilding.com, confessing to benching anything less than two plates after 6 months would get you in the red pretty quickly.
Anyway regardless of genetics OP should get his shit together, "normies" (i.e. male genetics in the bottom 10% or average girl) can certainly bench more than 80 kg after a year

[Anonymous No.9878937]

>>9866710
microdose LSD. about 40mg gives me the energy and the will to go through things. if you haven't done it before, start at 20mg- just find a dealer or get some btc.

[Anonymous No.9878958]

>>9870710
THIS

[Anonymous No.9878972]

>>9866710
>>9878937
DO NOT RELY ON THIS
don't let it be your - go to - when you're feeling down.
microdosers tend to have stupid grins and think everything they say is somehow spiritual. Notorious gobshites that you'd avoid at a party.

I recommend just taking a half dose one time and watch a funny movie and eat pizza. Not becoming long term dependent and in denial.

also
>take the iron pill - buy a jump rope and go for a jog just 20 minutes a day if that's all you have
>eat fruit, seeds, fresh foods and cook with coconut oil or olive oil. (learn to make a few practical and healthy dishes)
>call up an friend for a chat or arrange to take your family to dinner one evening when you have time.
>reconnect an old friendship
>iron your clothes, floss, think about a light cologne, wash yourself and consider your style a bit. (buy some old old GQ magazines)
>set yourself up a timetable and a dairy for appointments/notes
>live a clean environment
>think about long term positives instead of short term negatives

>good luck from a /pol/ack
was just browsing other boards when I see this r9k post

[Anonymous No.9878975]

Commit suicide. If life isn’t pleasurable, it should end.

[Anonymous No.9878993]

>>9878975
nobhead. don't listen to the edgy wanker.
when did /sci become /b/?

[Anonymous No.9879020]

>>9878993
Not an argument. If life is not pleasurable, you should stop living. Why the fuck would someone keep living if living does not provide positive wellbeing?

[Anonymous No.9879053]

go on a hike somewhere remote, bring a map compass and food for a few days. the longer you're away, the more you'll feel your sanity returning.

[Anonymous No.9879104]

>>9879053
Or, you know, get lost and eaten by coyotes.