Depression

[TheOPwithMDD !!HFAgfgjX0Ys No.9812345]

Can anyone here explain to me why I'm still depressed?

I've already been prescribed and taken: four antidepressants (Lexapro, Trazodone, Nefazodone, Remeron), one antipsychotic (Abilify), one anti-anxiety agent (Klonopin), one anticonvulsant (primidone), one beta blocker (propranolol), one sedative (Ambien), and one psychostimulant (Adderall).

I've been administered the following scales, inventories, assessments, and/or questionnaires: a Beck Depression Inventory – 2 (BDI-2), a Short Depression Scale (SDS), a Beck Anxiety Inventory (BAI), an Endler Multiaxial Anxiety Survey – Social Anxiety Scales (EMAS-SAS), a Shipley Institute of Living Scale, a Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory – 2 (MMPI-2), a Warwick-Edinburgh Mental Well-being Scale (WEMWBS), a Global Assessment of Functioning, a Sheehan Disability Scale, an Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS-v1.1), a Subjective Happiness Scale (SHS), a Zung Anxiety Self-Assessment Scale, and a Zung Self-Rating Depression Scale.

I've been officially diagnosed as having the following four disorders: Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

I'm currently taking 45 mg of Remeron daily (for the treatment of: MDD), 15 mg of Abilify daily (for the treatment of: MDD, SAD, and GAD), and 60 mg of Adderall daily (for the treatment of: ADHD).

I've already seen and spoken with: five psychotherapists, four psychiatrists, one psychologist, two psychiatric nurse practitioners, and two neurologists.

I've had both CT and MRI scans done on my brain (both of which revealed nothing unusual).

I've spent hundreds upon hundreds or even thousands upon thousands of dollars on numerous medications, assessments, examinations, scans, etc. and yet I'm still depressed.

So, what the hell is going on in my brain?

[Anonymous No.9812347]

>>9812345
How do you know you're still depressed? Suicidal thoughts?

[Anonymous No.9812356]

>>9812345
There's nothing wrong with your brain, though if you keep falling for the psychiatry meme this hard you're probably going to induce damage with all those literal poisons they've shilled to you.
>antipsychotics for non-psychotic conditions
Probably the worst case of runaway indication creep to date.
It's absolutely disgusting how Abilify was literally the best selling of any pharmaceuticals (not even just of psychiatric pharmaceuticals) a few years back.

[TheOPwithMDD !!HFAgfgjX0Ys No.9812392]

>>9812347

In a way, yeah. I keep getting these really negative thoughts. Things like, "oh, what's the point of doing anything. Everything feels so stupid and pointless. I should just kill myself. If I kill myself I'd no longer be a burden to anybody. No longer a burden to my mother, no longer a burden to society." I even have the firearm here to kill myself with. I spent $500 on this Smith & Wesson 9mm semi-automatic pistol alongside 50 rounds of ammunition. Not sure if this is sufficient to commit suicide with.

I feel so damn miserable a lot of the time. Sometimes I feel slightly better, but most of the time I just feel awful.

I keep thinking about this one woman I had a thing for last year. One of my therapists. I can't see her anymore because she told me that she'd take legal actions against me if I didn't stop trying to contact her (pic related, it was her last e-mail to me). Every time that I think of her I start feeling even more miserable. Which happens every few minutes or so. Every few minutes a thought pops into my head involving her, and I start to feel miserable all over again.

I don't really do anything. I can barely work up the energy and motivation to do anything with my life. I'm a 29-year-old, unemployed, friendless, high school drop-out. I dropped out of high school back in 2006. I have only ever held one job: as a mall cop for a single month back in 2011. What I have is essentially a decade-long gap of unemployment. I have not had any friends since 1997. I have never dated. I have never been sexually active. I have no car. I live in an apartment with my 72-year-old, hard-working, single mother. I spend one-third of the day sleeping and two-thirds of the day playing video games. I am a shut in; I only go out of my apartment maybe two or three times each month. Usually either to see my psychiatrist and/or pick up my psychotropic medication at my local pharmacy.

[Anonymous No.9812393]

>>9812345
How often do you
>exercise
>go outside
>socialize
>drink water
>watch porn
>play video games

Maybe you’re too bored with life, or don’t feel any motivation. You need to set goals and tell yourself that you’ll remain depressed if you don’t achieve that goal.

[Anonymous No.9812395]

>>9812392
You might not be depressed. I have defeatist thoughts a lot too but I'm not depressed at all. On the contrary, I might be he happiest person on Earth. So maybe you're just reading too much into it.

[Anonymous No.9812405]

>>9812392
>I don't really do anything. I can barely work up the energy and motivation to do anything with my life. I'm a 29-year-old, unemployed, friendless, high school drop-out. I dropped out of high school back in 2006. I have only ever held one job: as a mall cop for a single month back in 2011. What I have is essentially a decade-long gap of unemployment. I have not had any friends since 1997. I have never dated. I have never been sexually active. I have no car. I live in an apartment with my 72-year-old, hard-working, single mother. I spend one-third of the day sleeping and two-thirds of the day playing video games.

Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with your brain. It is reasonable and indeed logical to hate your life and I think any ordinary person would want to kill themselves if they were in your situation.

[Anonymous No.9812416]

Find a therapist that specializes in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). Exercise every single day. Start setting very small goals and accomplishing them. Use the Seinfeld method. Start eating better. Shop in the perimeter of the grocery store, stop drinking soda, stop eating processed garbage. Consider a ketogenic diet. Get at least 30 minutes of excercise per day. If you're uninjured, start pursuing strength training. Look up a simple guide for beginner weight-lifting. Get a second opinion on all the medication you're taking from someone who prefers non-medicated approaches. When you're ready, start volunteering. Forget about women for the time being, your lack of purpose in life will lead you to obsess over them (like you've done) and it won't be pretty. You're not a bad person and you're not crazy -- anyone would act the same way in your situation. Women will come when you aren't thinking about them. Stop thinking about women.

I really think you need behavioral therapy. You're stuck in certain thought patterns and behaviors and you need to be pulled out of them. You especially need to let go of things like guilt and shame and forgive yourself so you can move forward. Yeah your life sucks and some of it's your fault, but the vast majority of it probably isn't. You got dealt a shitty hand, now accept it and start making changes. It's never too late for that, even though I know you think it is. You're wrong about that, along with most of the other thoughts that occur to you while you're stuck in a room (both literally and metaphorically) that would drive anyone mad.

[Anonymous No.9812425]

>>9812405
This is always a silly "insight" because it ignores that the person ended up in the situation in the first place, which is really the important part and has a cause. Once you're there, mental illness and inertia keep you there, and one of those things needs to be treated.

[Anonymous No.9812432]

>>9812416
Also I don't know how much time you spend on this site, but it's truly awful for the brain. Especially the brain of someone like you, who is already stuck firmly in extremely negative and destructive thought patterns. Even if you disagree with all the "politically incorrect" human trash, neo-nazis, etc. that post here, their poison is still seeping into you. It's validating your worst thoughts and behaviors. End your addiction to this place (if you have one). To generalize, start replacing the time you're spending on maintaining your rut to climbing out of it. And start very slowly. Over time but more quickly than you think, your self-worth will improve. Your problem seems to be that you're just waiting for change to happen and you want medication to do it, but you need to give your own push. Educate yourself, start reading about behavioral therapy.

[Anonymous No.9812561]

>>9812345
I'm told lots of anti-depressants work by upping BDNF. You also need BDNF for learning and memory.

I don't know what is going on in your case, but one possibility is that you have problems that exist outside of known mechanisms to treat the problem. It might not be BDNF related, but, if I were to suppose it is, I would consider exercise, ketogenic diet (if it would not be harmful to you) and intermittent fasting. These will also have effects on BDNF transcription (I believe fasting is said to have the strongest effects).

I'll also offer another perspective, based on my life experiences. IMO, no amount of drugs will substitute meaning in your life. Between the ages of, I dunno, 13 and 24, I was severely depressed. I thought the world was a really stupid, shitty place and I couldn't be asked to invest myself in such a mess. I managed through high school (barely), even went to a little bit of community college but it was just a haphazard shitshow. More shit happened as time went on, my dad died, and there was a point where I said this is enough. I'm either going to find something a reason to be alive, or I'm just ending it.

I reflected on how all my life I would hear this stupid bullshit "that's just how things are" or "god decides when your time's up" or "live healthy, die anyway!" or "Life sucks, then ya die!" and I just thought what better way to live than to devote myself to shutting these people the fuck up. I realized nobody really knows the limits of what lies in store for us, and I shouldn't kill myself when the possibilities are unknown. Maybe I should try to explore the unknown. What better way to spite the stupidity of other people, than to show them exactly how wrong they are?

I took the Aubrey de Grey Pill and now I'm another idiot chasing after immortality (although my interests of late are more about Alzheimer's and Parkinson's). I'm 30 now, working on my PhD. All's going well in my life now.

Maybe you need something like that.

[Anonymous No.9812577]

>>9812405
>he doesnt understand cause and effect

[Anonymous No.9812582]

>>9812345
Unless all of this treatment has gone on over a period of 5 or more years you suck dick at receiving treatment. Every psychiatrist will outright tell you that treatment of mental disorders is equivalent to craps and could take months or years working with just one medication at a time, moreover they never prescribe the medication as a cure. Its going to take significant discipline as well to see any long term benefit. Given that SSRIs are only marginally more effective than placebos in clinical trials psychosomatic affect on treatment is extreme. Welcome to depression, its shit on a level normies and even academics will never understand and will be a constant struggle your whole life.

>t. guy who has shown symptoms of depression from age 12 and diagnosed age 15, now 26

[Anonymous No.9814065]

>>9812577
I strongly recommend a lobotomy for anyone who feels to escape depression.

[Anonymous No.9814067]

>>9812561
>how wrong they are
I don't see how life sucking is something you can prove wrong even with the development of immortality.
An infinite amount of unpleasantness isn't more pleasant than a finite amount of unpleasantness.

[Anonymous No.9814090]

>>9812345
Do shrooms if you want to cure your depression.

[Anonymous No.9814262]

>>9814067
To me it's just the idea of chasing an "impossible" dream. What if the things that we think we'll never have, are actually within our grasp? How would we really know, unless we tried?

I find something thrilling about the pursuit. I don't know if this is a permanent solution, but, I wanted to share the thought that maybe if you live for pursuits that you care about, irrespective of the assumptions and expectations of other people, maybe you can find some kind of fulfillment.

[Anonymous No.9814281]

>>9812392
youre depressed cause you’re living an unfulfilling life currently. it doesn’t matter what antidepressants they give you. you’re better off going and getting a loan and traveling somewhere, fucking a prostitute(don’t get overly attached to the point they threaten restraining orders) and possibly taking ketamine, mdma, or some other substance to pop you out of the mindset you’re in currently in.

[Anonymous No.9814330]

>>9812392
how much do you practise
cbt
dbt
meditation/mindfulness

what do you have hope for positive or 'negative'?
what goals have you changed?

its never too late do change and do what you want to do or have to do, other than killing yourself.

failing that
be patient, and take little steps.

[Anonymous No.9814436]

>>9812392
>two-thirds of the day playing video games.
Wew lad. Why not try something else? Reading, working out, community work, study, anything would be better than wasting your life with vidya

[Anonymous No.9814628]

>>9812393
Have you ever been "spend 16 hours in bed" depressed before?
To say "go exercise, go outside, go socialize" is the cart before the horse; if you were able to do those things you wouldn't be depressed.

>>9814436
Not him but if he's depressed he has no energy for anything difficult, but yet he seeks distractions from his depression.
Consequently that leads him to play video games, or watch netflix, or eat large amounts of junk food, or jack off, or smoke pot, or drink alcohol, or do any other low effort high short term "reward" activity.
And I put reward in quotes because there's a point where you keep pushing that button but you're not getting much out of it anymore, but you're still depressed it's the only thing that marginally eases your pain for a moment, so you end up spending even MORE time pressing that bar for a diminishing foot pellet. And no, knowing that you're in that situation does nothing to empower you to break out of it; the notion that you could "just break out of it with willpower" is wishful thinking.

I'm in a similar situation to him (not quite as bad but bad enough) and I also cannot see a way out other than suicide. I've *tried* reading, learning, drugs, therapy, meditation, it doesn't work. The treatment is outside medicine's current abilities, or outside my financial abilities; the only way left to end my suffering and the suffering I inflict on others is by self termination.

[Anonymous No.9814633]

>>9814330
Why is DBT the new thing? I'm seeing it everywhere now.

[Anonymous No.9814749]

>>9814628
Playing vidya is effort, as is scoring pot, fapping etc eating junk food. It takes as much effort as something more helpful. It's very easy to put a little hat on and think 'I only have the energy to do these things that I wanted to do anyway'. It's laziness disguised as a medical problem.
There's nothing to 'break out of', just a redirection of already considerable effort which is currently going towards activities which exacerbate the problem.

[Anonymous No.9815802]

>>9814749
>depression is just laziness
Please make like the OP and kill yourself.

[Anonymous No.9815806]

>>9814749
lol i wish this was the case but without my ssri's i literally can't focus and feel fatigued only a couple of hours after waking, and can't do any study without falling asleep.

[Anonymous No.9815851]

American psychiatrists really like to hand out ADHD diagnoses and adderal like it's candy, don't they?

[Anonymous No.9815870]

>>9815806
>ssri
Enjoy your chemical lobotomy, brainlet-to-be

https://www.hotzehwc.com/2011/08/peoples-chemist-warns-antidepressants-slice-and/

[Anonymous No.9815896]

>>9814090
unironically LSD gave a huge spin out of my absolutely disastrous mental state (ocd, ptsd, depression - i was sexually abused and stalked, on top of that i lived in a war zone as a kid) not that it ended my pain instantly, but after the experience i really really really decided that life was good and i wanted to live so i took steps out of depression but especially steps towards life. i already didn’t want to be that way but i was 100% focusing on how to end it... improvements came when i started materially seeking the good feelings and concrete things in life.

you have to physically move to stemper the stagnation

[Anonymous No.9815899]

OP, I think you will greatly benefit from reading the first chapter of Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, which talks about the serotonin levels of lobsters. Ignore the political introduction and just read that chapter.

[Anonymous No.9815904]

>>9815870

[Anonymous No.9816129]

>>9814628
If depression is so shitty then you should have the motivation not to be depressed. You know what would help, so why not do it? If you can’t do that, then you don’t deserve any help.

[Anonymous No.9816141]

>>9812345
SSRIs only help, at all, about 1/3 people with depression. So 2/3 are not helped.

This video gives a broader perspective on depression.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc&feature=youtu.be

You might find Holotropic Breathwork would help. It greatly helped me. Just ignore the woo woo and let it help you find what is really bothering you.

[Anonymous No.9816208]

>>9812345
Do you exercise

[Anonymous No.9816214]

>>9812392
Op I just read this post and you need to get a gym membership and start lifting. I’m serious.

[Anonymous No.9816253]

>>9815802
>it's impossible to be both depressed and lazy, with the laziness enhancing the depression
There are depressed people with full time jobs, depressed people in the military, depressed mothers looking after a baby 24/7. Depression is not an excuse to play vidya and smoke pot all day. It's laziness that makes a person do that

[Anonymous No.9816257]

>>9812345
>Not a single mention of healthy eating
>Not a single mention of exercise
>Not a single mention of getting sunlight
>Guise I am sooo depressed y tho

[Anonymous No.9816460]

>>9816253
You realize that spending all your time at work or looking after a child is just as escapist as playing vidya 24/7.

[Anonymous No.9816470]

>>9816460
Perhaps it is (if you're edgy as fuck and thinking caring for a child, or contributing to your community is the same as grinding your mmo character) . Still shows that playing vidya and smoking pot all day is not a symptom of depression but of laziness

[Anonymous No.9816474]

ITT newfags falling for old pasta. SAD!

[Anonymous No.9816505]

>>9812345
>I've spent hundreds upon hundreds or even thousands upon thousands of dollars
>So, what the hell is going on in my brain?
jewification

[Anonymous No.9816788]

>>9816253
They just need their foul humours exorcised so as to rid their body of the laziness.
It's not literally a demonstrable brain chemistry problem that can literally be demonstrated with an MRI, it's a character flaw and they just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
What a fucking stupid teenage piece of shit you are. Spend at least five minutes on wikipedia next time, maybe read about the different kinds of depression and their criteria.

[Anonymous No.9816801]

>>9812345
Antidepressants work better for some and not at all for others. Have you tried medication and CBT? The problems might be a result of your cognitions, and may be more easily changed through behavioral therapy. The actual neural mechanisms of CBT and antidepressant medication differ. CBT excites the frontal lobe whereas antidepressants inhibit the temporal lobe.

Also, what aspects of your life are making you feel unfulfilled? Are you unemployed? No gf? No hobbies? No family? No goals? If yes to any of those, you need to begin working toward a goal. It may be hard in spite of depression, but it may be the only way to eliminate your depression.

[Anonymous No.9816805]

>>9814633
it has a wide application to various disorders, its very useful and actually works with BPD and narcissistic personalities.
heavily based off of eastern meditation too.
very useful as a short term intervention. easy to teach and pickup. and really helps in those crisis type situations with anxiety and derpression etc...
uses alot of cbt, mindfullness, humanistic theory behind it.

[Anonymous No.9816831]

>>9812392
Dude stop depending on your mom for money, make that your primary conviction write it on a piece of paper and hang it above your bed. Since you don't have any money and you're going to starve go get a job any job will do. Make some money, and then go to a prostitute.
There you go you're fixed now.

[Anonymous No.9816862]

>>9812345
Do not reproduce, please.

[Anonymous No.9816914]

>>9812392
>I keep thinking about this one woman I had a thing for last year. One of my therapists

Is this you?

[Anonymous No.9816930]

>>9816788
Shit, there is a new version of depression of which the symptoms are: 'uncontrollably plays vidya and smokes pot all day'?

[Anonymous No.9816966]

>>9816470
>contributing to your community
This the ultimate ꜱoyʙoy thing to say

[Anonymous No.9818744]

>>9812345
Get off 4chan and go outside brainlet

[Anonymous No.9818789]

>>9816129
Because depression is effectively a lack of motivation. That's the point. Your life is shitty because you're not motivated enough to improve it, which increases how shitty your life is, which kills your motivation even more.