/sci/ - Science & Math

[Anonymous No.7082998]

Math/science jokes thread

[Anonymous No.7083000]

>>7082998
I don't get where you get Bill from. There's no such thing in trig.

Unless it's just cosby, in which case, funny joke.

[Anonymous No.7083005]

a helium molecule is sitting in a bar when a gold atom walks in. just then there is an uproar in the bar. neither react

[Anonymous No.7083011]

The bartender says, "We don't serve tachyons here."

A tachyon walks into a bar.

[Anonymous No.7083020]

>>7082998
Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says 'sir can I get you a martini 'Descartes says 'I don't think...' and he disappears

[Anonymous No.7083059]

A man walks into a restaurant called "Entropy." The waitress asks "May I take your order?"

[Anonymous No.7083060]

No wonder nobody wants to hang around with you guys

[Anonymous No.7083062]

>>7083060
I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.7083075]

>>7083011
Kek

[Anonymous No.7083092]

>>7083059
Is this supposed to be a simple joke, because I'm not getting it if there's something deep here.

[Anonymous No.7083094]

If a mol of moles is digging a mol of holes, what do you see?
A mol of molasses.

[Anonymous No.7083102]

>>7083092
Yes, simple. Just an awful pun on "order".

[Anonymous No.7083104]

>>7083092
entropy = lack of order

[Anonymous No.7083108]

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "mmmm mhmm mmm" as he gargled on the priest's cock.

[Anonymous No.7083119]

>>7083092
entropy is how disorderly something is. the waitress is taking away the "order", increasing entropy

[Anonymous No.7083122]

One afternoon, an engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his, also an engineering student, who said, "Wow! That sure is a great bike. Where did you get it?"

"Well, the darndest thing happened," said the first engineering student. "A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted."

"We're faggots" remarked his friend. And then they both proceeded to vigorously fuck each other in the ass

[Anonymous No.7083123]

>>7083122
You got a liberal arts degree didn't you

[Anonymous No.7083125]

>>7083122
>proceeded to vigorously fuck each other in the ass
if they were math majors, they'd have "rigorously" done so

[Anonymous No.7083136]

>>7083125
>>7083123
I'm actually an engineer, but I find "engineers are gay" jokes amusing.

[Anonymous No.7083141]

>>7083125
can confirm, am math major

[Anonymous No.7083165]

>>7083136
bisex engineer here, i am a virgin. mu sexuality only determines the genre of the porn i watch

[Anonymous No.7083167]

>Her: What're you studying?
>Me: Engineering, how about yourself?
>Her: English and Psychology

[Anonymous No.7083178]

>>7083167
interaction with a flirtatious cashier who asked me about graduate school

>Her: what are you studying?
>Me: mathematics, what about you?
>Her: math??? I suck at math, I could never do that
>Me: no really, what do you study?
>Her: English
>Me: English? You mean you read books? That's so hard, I could never read a book

get asked to leave the Gap

[Anonymous No.7083195]

>>7083178
You wouldn't get asked to leave over that, lol.

[Anonymous No.7083196]

>>7083178
As autistic as you sound, you might have been honest in your response.

[Anonymous No.7083201]

>>7083178
Obviously made up.

[Anonymous No.7083208]

>>7083178
That's horrifyingly autistic. The cashier, I mean. Not being able to take the casual #banter.

Why are there cashiers like that?

[Anonymous No.7083213]

>>7083208
Because when that's your attitude towards math, you end up a cashier.

[Anonymous No.7083221]

>>7083178
>cashier
>can't do math

You can make a good joke about, I know you can. But I'm burnt out from studying.

[Anonymous No.7083248]

>>7083108
Lel

[Anonymous No.7083260]

>>7082998

[Anonymous No.7083273]

<--- one of my favorites

[Anonymous No.7083284]

>>7083062
underrated post

[None !ELBOWS6FNQ No.7083315]

>>7083260
I thought of this when I was ten, and it wasn't funny then

have some out of context OC that probably isn't funny

[Anonymous No.7083331]

>>7083315
nice meme

[Anonymous No.7083367]

>>7083331
It's all yours, my friend :^)

[Anonymous No.7083409]

>>7083094
lol that's pretty good

[Anonymous No.7083437]

>>7083178
should have said:
Her: English
You: So that's why you're working at Gap?

[Anonymous No.7083527]

>>7083178
brlliant

[Anonymous No.7084273]

[Anonymous No.7084287]

>>7083273
This one gets me every time.

[Anonymous No.7084297]

>>7083020
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denying_the_antecedent

[Anonymous No.7084302]

>>7084273
Good shit

[Anonymous No.7084527]

>>7082998
I GOT A JOKE ON SCI IM GUNNA MAKE IT

[Anonymous No.7084652]

>>7083123
Is there something wrong with a liberal arts degree?

[Anonymous No.7084663]

>>7084273
What

[Anonymous No.7084711]

>>7084663
riemanns zeta function

[Anonymous No.7084724]

Sin b/Tan b = Cos b or Cosby

[Anonymous No.7084737]

[Anonymous No.7084787]

>>7084724
Wow, thank you for explaining the joke. If you hadn't come along, I'm not sure anybody would've gotten it.

[Anonymous No.7084829]

>>7083000

0/10

[Anonymous No.7084832]

>>7083059
I think the joke would be funnier if the question was more of a demand like "I'm here to take your order"

[Anonymous No.7084833]

>>7084652

>lol

[Anonymous No.7084839]

Why did the bear melt in water?

He was a polar bear!

[Anonymous No.7084841]

>>7084839
pls go.

[Anonymous No.7085145]

>>7084839
>calling dissolving "melting"
>"like dissolves like"
0/10

[Anonymous No.7085200]

>>7083062
Nice.

[Anonymous No.7085241]

>>7083062
i chuckled

[Anonymous No.7085248]

>>7083125
10/10

[Anonymous No.7085335]

>>7084737
At first I thought that 'a' was a '2' and I was outraged

[Anonymous No.7085394]

>tfw bill cosby is a rapist

[Anonymous No.7085407]

>>7085394
he just can't help but sin, eh?

[Anonymous No.7085415]

>>7083011
Works better when you split it over two posts.

[Anonymous No.7085428]

>>7083000
ur so dum, its cos(b) retard

[Anonymous No.7085431]

>>7083062
+.9...

[Anonymous No.7085445]

>>7084297
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Being_this_autistic

[Anonymous No.7085450]

>>7085407
kek'd

[Anonymous No.7085494]

>>7083178
girl i had lunch with the other day, same general thing happened, she called math stupid and boring. except instead when she said politics i said "wow that's sounds boring as shit"

we then finished lunch together because your field of study doesn't determine serial attraction and we weren't self righteous autists about school.

[Anonymous No.7085536]

>>7084832
That doesn't work because it's not normal thing for a waitress to say. The joke is perfect as is

[Anonymous No.7085580]

>>7083092
meta joke or confusion of terms?

i'll decide

heh

[Anonymous No.7085585]

I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE!*

*unless it proves IQ difference between races. Then SCIENCE! is rayciss as all shit nigga.

[Anonymous No.7085588]

an electron walks into a bar an immediately starts ion the waitress, who was positively fine

he says to her, "babe, we have potential"

to which she replies in an acidic tone, "it's so small"

[Anonymous No.7085602]

>>7085585
what's a race? define it

[Anonymous No.7085604]

>>7083011
I like it.

[Anonymous No.7085607]

>>7085588
lel

[Anonymous No.7087340]

I don't know where Heisenberg is in this photo...

...but I do know that he's standing still.

[Anonymous No.7087424]

>>7084273

[Anonymous No.7087463]

>>7083119
>entropy is how disorderly something is
why is the american education system such shit?

[Anonymous No.7087517]

>>7087340
nice

[Anonymous No.7087601]

>>7087463

[Anonymous No.7087616]

>>7083000

Humour is wasted on you. I bet you're the life of the party.

[Anonymous No.7087629]

Science jokes give me a hadron

[Anonymous No.7087635]

>>7087601
>wikipedia
entropy is only truly a measure of order in information technology.
using it for physical sciences is a moronic practice common only in American (and possibly english) school systems. I've had American colleagues with PhD's in chemistry refer to entropy as disorder. Such informal descriptions of entropy should not even be allowed in secondary, much less higher education.

[Anonymous No.7087636]

>>7087601
only the first definition is scientific. Equivocation is the same reason people will un-ironically say
"it's just a theory".

[Anonymous No.7087646]

>>7087635
>>7087636
nice backpealding

[Anonymous No.7087648]

>>7087601
Yes let's use Webster to define rigorous concepts in statistical physics / thermodynamics.

[Anonymous No.7087652]

>>7087629
put a quark in it. I'm just lepton you know, that pun was bad and you should feel bad.

[Anonymous No.7087656]

>>7087646
how is that back peddling...saying entropy is disorder is still wrong.

[Anonymous No.7087660]

>>7087635
Ugh, I've been forcefed the entropy=disorder definition most of my life, and I really hate it. It's so much easier to understand the precise and actual definition, in my opinion.

[Anonymous No.7088206]

>>7083000
check em'

[Anonymous No.7088243]

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a biologist walk into a bar. They all order a beer, then the engineer starts drinking. His mates look at his glass:

The biologist says: "Your glass is half empty."

The physicist replies: "It's rather 60% empty..."

The mathematician says: "Well all we can say is that it's not completely empty and not completely full."

The engineer says: "I love cocks" then proceeds to pull out his dick and stick it up the biologist's ass. The biologist, startled, unzips his pants and punches the mathematician in the face. The mathematician falls over and the physicist profits from it, unzipping his pants too and sucking the mathematician's cock. The bartender's like: "What the fuck" but then the engineer grabs his pants too and puts his left hand on the bartender's crotch while his right hand fondles the biologist's balls. The biologist starts moaning while being fucked in the ass. Meanwhile, the mathematician regains consciousness and looks at the physicist busy sucking his rock hard dick. Since it feels good, he shouts "EJACULATIONS!" in a very high pitched voice. Meanwhile, the bartender is being aroused by the engineer's hand and pulls out his massive cock. The engineer then gives him a glorious handjob. Then everybody comes at the same time, the biologist cries: "I'm your bitch, fuck me, fuck me!" The physicist is being annoyed by all this noise and starts biting the mathematician dick and shaking his mouth. Eventually the severed part sails off in an arc. The engineering promptly cums, then looks at the mathematician and says: "What a shame. You'll never be an engineer".

[Anonymous No.7088246]

A scientist, an engineer and a mathematician walk into the bar.

The scientist immediately throws himself at the nearest lone female, uses his best line and heads home with her.
The engineer takes his time, and chooses the most handsome man to spend the night.
The mathematician goes home alone, this night and every night until he is old and lonely, because seriously. Who would pick up a mathematician?

[Anonymous No.7088248]

Here is one.
A farmer asks for the help of a mathematician, a physicist and an engineer to help him build a fence with the largest inclosed area using the smallest amount of material. The physicist says "Build a circular fence to maximize area!" The mathematician says "Build a fence around yourself and declare that to be the outside, thus the rest of the universe is the inside!" The engineer says "I don't know much about fences, but I sure do want to suck your cocks!"

[Anonymous No.7088250]

A biology department smells like formaldehyde.
A chemistry department smells like acetone and alkanes.
A computer science department smells like Ramen noodles.
An engineering department smells like anal lube and sweat.

[Anonymous No.7088252]

An engineer was mistakenly thrown to hell. On getting there, he notices that things weren't comfortable. So he made some changes like installing air conditioning, safety rails, entertainment systems, the works.
Later God calls Satan and asks 'how is hell these days?' and he said 'hell is fine, in fact I have been enjoying this engineer you sent. He has made a lot of changes here.' and God said 'no, that was a mistake, send him back' but Satan refuses, saying 'no, he loves sucking my cock'.

[Anonymous No.7088254]

Did you hear about the constipated engineer?


Neither did I.

[Anonymous No.7088255]

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting at a table drinking when a very beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the bar.

The mathematician sighs. "I'd like to talk to her, but first I have to cover half the distance between where we are and where she is, then half of the distance that remains, then half of that distance, and so on. The series is infinite. There'll always be some finite distance between us."

The engineer gets up and starts walking. He goes up to the woman and says "I suck cocks."


An engineer, a mathematician, and a scientist walk in to a bar. The says "I'm here to get results," and promptly begins trying to pick up women, the mathematician says "I'm here to do some proofs" and proceeds to consume a great deal of alcoholic beverages.

The scientist says "I'm here to do some research on dick sucking" and promptly starts soliciting men for blowjobs in the bathroom.

[Anonymous No.7088256]

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer thought the red ball looked very much alike a glans and took it up the ass.

[Anonymous No.7088258]

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The engineer does not hear him because he is too busy sucking another engineer's dick in the lavatory.

[Anonymous No.7088260]

An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walk into a bar (ouch). One of the mathematicians then says, "the bar is now empty" and they begin to play hide and seek. The neutrino is then stopped by a police officer. Officer Heisenberg says, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "You're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

Then the engineer sucks a horse's cock.
"A solution exists," said the horse as it reached orgasm.

[Anonymous No.7088262]

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer tears off his pants and proceeds to masturbate furiously until he cums all over the architect. Then he punches the artist in the face, squats over him and unleashes worm-infested diarrhoea all over him, before walking away calmly and hanging himself.

[Anonymous No.7088263]

Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at sporting events?
A: The Wave.

Q: What do engineers enjoy doing the most at sporting events?
A: Each other.

[Anonymous No.7088264]

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I like cock, but a talking frog is cool."
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the gay bar and suck some cock."
What does a degree in engineering get you?

AIDS.

[Anonymous No.7088265]

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How can I suck it?"

What does a degree in engineering get you?
AIDS

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the gay bar and suck some cock."

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I like cock, but a talking frog is cool."

[Anonymous No.7088266]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "And I'll suck their cocks when they least expect it, because I'm gay."

[Anonymous No.7088267]

A cop pulled over a photon speeding down the highway.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" the cop screamed.

The photon said "fuck you," shot the cop in the face, and sped off.

Then a passing engineer stopped and sucked the dead cop's rock hard dick while masturbating himself to orgasm.

[Anonymous No.7088268]

It was career day at Bobby's school and the children had been listening to some of the parents with boring jobs talk about what they do. They had heard a supermarket manager, a bank clerk, and a carpenter. The teacher knew that the pupils would lose interest unless she saved the more interesting careers for last, so the last three speakers were a policeman, a doctor and a mechanical engineer.

The policeman was really popular. He brought handcuffs, batons and other items that the kids could pass around. He even shows them how he arrests people by calling a volunteer to the front of the room. Almost everyone raised their hand.

The doctor brought a stethoscope, a sphygmomanometer and some other equipment. He talked about how he helps patients and he measures some of the pupils blood pressure. He too was really popular.

When Bobby's dad, the mechanical engineer, finally got up in front of the class, he opened up a case that he had with him and took out a very complicated device. It was mostly made of metal and it had gears all over the place. He plugging in a little motor and connected it to the machine an different parts started to rotate and oscillate. The children were complete amazing and Bobby looked proud. One of the pupils, Dan, raised his han... wait, that's not what happened. The engineer pulled out a big rubber dildo and shoved it up his arse and said that he does that all day. The doctor understood but the cop arrested him for indecent exposure. Now Bobby's dad gets to be an engineer in the prison shower.

You know, because engineers are gay, right?

[Anonymous No.7088270]

A mathematician, a physicist, a chemist, a biologist, a computer scientist, a philosopher, a liberal arts major and an engineer have been asked the following question: "Are all odd numbers prime?"
The mathematician says: "Trivial."
The physicist says: "Well 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, let's disregard 9 as an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, well yes, they're all prime."
The chemist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... yes, they're all prime."
The biologist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime so yes, they're all prime."
The computer scientist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime..."
The philosopher says: "No because 2 is even and prime."
The liberal arts major says: "Math is tough! Would you like fries with that?"
The engineer says: "I love cocks."

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer walk into a bar. They each order their drinks and then the engineer heads for the toilets. The mathematician and the physicist begin a discussion about the mathematical nature of the universe. The drinks arrive a few minutes later. After a while the physicist and the mathematician begin to wonder what's taking the engineer so long. Almost immediately, the barman walks past them escorting the engineer out of the establishment. When the barman comes back, they ask him what happened. He explains that this is the third time he's had to throw out the engineer for soliciting gay sex in a toilet stall, then hangs up a new sign banning engineers from the bar.

[Anonymous No.7088272]

During the French Revolution, 3 professionals were arrested and convicted of having bourgeois values. They were a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer. They were to be led to the guillotine one by one. The crowd was roaring with anticipated pleasure. First up was the doctor. How dare he enrich himself through other people's illnesses? The doctor was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. The blade started on its implacable way down. And lurched to a stop. The official in charge declared that it would be inhumane to make the doctor suffer this way more than once, so he was setting the doctor free. The crowd howled. The executioner checked his equipment. All was in order. He put a small tree branch in and lopped it in half. He re-sharpened the blade. Next up was the lawyer. Who needs an excuse to wish such a lying, cheating scoundrel dead? The lawyer was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. Again, the blade stopped part-way down! The presiding official once again said that he would set this prisoner free because of the unusual circumstances. The crowd screamed in frustration. Now came the engineer, a man whose innovations and devices were costing jobs. The crowd fell silent. The executioner checked and re-checked his equipment.

As the engineer was marched up to the guillotine, he looked carefully at it, and said, "Wait. I see your problem...." He fell on his knees and suddenly grabbed the executioner's crotch who let out a moan of pleasure. The crowd watched the engineer unzip the executioner's pants and pull out his massive balls, amazed. The official in charge had trouble hiding his huge boner and started yelling more and more loudly. Finally the crowd was aroused too and the cock licking sound was hidden by the giant buzz of a thousand pants unzipping and dicks being pulled out and flogged. Eventually the engineer deepthroated the executioner's cock and many people in the crowd came, drowning the guillotine in a pool of semen.

[Anonymous No.7088274]

A graduate engineering student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
"Where did you get the bike from?" his exclusively male friends want to know.
"It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..."
"Tell us!"
"Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her materials science final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can take from me whatever you desire!'"
One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."
"Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how fucking retarded you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"

Then they all sucked one another's cock.


A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a biologist walk into a bar. They all order a beer, then the engineer starts drinking. His mates look at his glass:

The biologist says: "Your glass is half empty."

The physicist replies: "It's rather 60% empty..."

The mathematician says: "Well all we can say is that it's not completely empty and not complet..."

The mathematician is suddenly interrupted by muffled shatter and a cry of pain. During the discussion, the engineer had been inserting all sort of objects through his anus. Unfortunately, the biologist's glass had given in to the pressure and broken, causing him to bleed profusely.

[Anonymous No.7088276]

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The Third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable." Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always suck my cock when I'm done"


A mathematician, a physicist, a biologist and an engineer observe 2 men enter a house, then 3 people leaving

Biologist: They must have reproduced
Physicist: There must have been a preliminary error in our counting
Mathematician: If one more person enters the house, it will become empty
Engineer: Oh boy, first two, NOW 3 COCKS TO SUCK

[Anonymous No.7088277]

A physicist, a biologist and a mathmatician are sitting in a coffee shop across the road from a house. After a short time two people go into the house, a little while later three people come out of the house.

The biologist says: "They must have reproduced"
The physicist says: "Our measurements must have been wrong"
The mathematician says "If one more person goes into the house, it will be empty"
The Barista says "can you please tell the engineers to stop sucking dick, its disturbing the other customers"


That's all I got.

[Anonymous No.7088279]

>>7087340
Oh look, there he is!
(His impulse is over 9000!)

[Anonymous No.7088281]

>>7087340
Oh look, there he is!
(His impulse is over 9000!)

[Anonymous No.7088327]

[Anonymous No.7088663]

>>7088260
you sir are a fucking genius.

[Anonymous No.7088685]

[Anonymous No.7088718]

>>7083020
Lel

[Anonymous No.7088727]

>>7084273
Oh that is quality. 10/10

[Anonymous No.7088740]

What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew? Boy scouts come back from camp.

[Anonymous No.7088767]

>>7088276
What is this engineers suck cocks maymay about?

[Anonymous No.7088777]

>>7088767
>he thinks it's a meme

[Anonymous No.7089019]

>>7083020
>I think iff I am

[Anonymous No.7089125]

>>7087660
>>7087656
>>7087648
>>7087636
>>7087635
>>7087463
thanks for ruining the joke thread you autistic niggers

[Anonymous No.7089131]

i am bisexual engineering student, and seriously where are all these faggots? it is just a bullshit meme

[Anonymous No.7089136]

>>7082998
You're such an Aut that you form a galois group.

[Anonymous No.7089915]

>>7082998

>Friend: Dude what are you going to be studying for anyways?
>Eh, torn between Engineering and math
>Friend: Math? I hate math
>Me:Its really helpful actually
>Friend, I'm going to be a game developer
>Me: I'd consider a technology job in that field maybe
>Friend: I want to be freelance and draw concept art
>cringe and clench asshole
>Me: Thats cool.

[Anonymous No.7089922]

>>7089915
Gave Developers in the art field are going to be the cancer of tomorrow

Every kid and his mom is going to go into the game industry.

Might as well just get a degree on women's studies.

[Anonymous No.7089931]

>>7089922
>>7089915
If you go over you the GameDev thread on /vg/, you'll find a lot of talented devs but very few artists. So you get a lot of shitty games that are unplayable due to bad art.

[Anonymous No.7089947]

[Anonymous No.7089950]

>>7089131
My buddy is an engineer and I've seen him shove an entire drumset up his ass. You guys are gay.

[Anonymous No.7089965]

le engis are ghey may-may XD

[Anonymous No.7090118]

>>7089965
Butthurt?

[Anonymous No.7090256]

What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a hiker?

You can't cross a vector with a scalar!

[Anonymous No.7090263]

>>7084273
>people falling for this old troll
Actual mathematician here, it's a divergent series.

[Anonymous No.7090266]

>>7090263
> Calc II
> actual math

[Anonymous No.7090268]

>>7090266
>series
>calculus

[Anonymous No.7090273]

>>7090268
> series
> not calculus

[Anonymous No.7090274]

>>7090273
>american education

[Anonymous No.7090276]

>>7089931
>games that are unplayable due to bad art
Oh, you mean like Minecraft?

[Anonymous No.7090285]

>>7084273
lol

[Anonymous No.7090286]

>>7090276
worse

[Anonymous No.7090291]

Here's my favourite math joke.

> Let epsilon be a great negative constant.

[None !ELBOWS6FNQ No.7090292]

>>7090274
ukfag here, you're a moron. Check wikipedia or paulsnotes or whatever you like, series are traditionally part of calculus.

[Anonymous No.7090294]

>>7090291
I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.7090309]

>>7090291
it's everyone's favourite math joke and it's not even slightly funny

[Anonymous No.7090860]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

[Anonymous No.7091013]

>>7090860
lel

[Anonymous No.7091826]

[Anonymous No.7091829]

[Anonymous No.7091837]

[Anonymous No.7093640]

>>7088260
>The polar bear then dissolves in water

[Anonymous No.7093811]

I have a nice meme for you,
Just take the natural log of Degeneres...

ln(degeneres)

[Anonymous No.7093988]

>>7093811
>ln
ok underageb& highschool faggot

[Anonymous No.7094312]

>>7089947
Oh god.
I have that book.

[Anonymous No.7094359]

>>7093988
what are you talking about

[Anonymous No.7095075]

>>7088260
>and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10)
Fucking gold

[Anonymous No.7095083]

>>7090118
Well, of course he would be butthurt

[Anonymous No.7096346]

>>7083221
most cashiers I see just mindlessly punch in buttons & numbers & the machine does all the work.

Hell lately they've been replacing cashiers with self-service machines.

[Anonymous No.7096349]

>>7083273
I wish I was a large pepperoni pizza

[Anonymous No.7096370]

>>7088281
I had no idea speech bubbles increase image sizes by 500KB per character within.

[Anonymous No.7096373]

>>7095075
you know Bill is an engineer right?

[Anonymous No.7096374]

>>7088243
is this /sci/'s Bel-Air?

[Anonymous No.7096376]

>>7088255
>He goes up to the woman and says "I suck cocks."
The joke here is that as homosexual as the engineer is, the mathematician is still more gay.

[Anonymous No.7096438]

>>7096370
The first one is grayscale, the second one RGB.
In addition, those red and white pixels completely break the surrounding pattern, making it harder to compress the image in that part.
>inb4 but png is lossless
Lossless doesn't mean not compressed.

[Anonymous No.7096455]

>>7094359
Not that guy, but nobody writes ln for the natural logarithm, they just write log

[Anonymous No.7096461]

>>7096455
electrical engineer here, we absolutely write ln for natural log

[Anonymous No.7096463]

>>7096461
And you write j for i right? Still the convention in mathematics is to write log; it's not like people use base 10 log a lot anyway.

[Anonymous No.7096465]

>>7096455
I'd say I see ln just as often as log overall, in European publications it's almost always ln. In American publications it's mixed. Most CAS use log.

[Anonymous No.7096471]

>>7096455
what on earth are you talking about? ln stands for logarithme naturelle. It's the only symbol that unambiguously means the natural log.

Log to any other base is written <span class="math">\log_n[/spoiler].

The only time I can even think of not using ln to mean the natural logarithm is when you want to specify the principal branch in complex, which is when you write Log.

[Anonymous No.7096485]

>>7096471
math phd student here, when you are doing normal pure math 'log' without a subscript pretty much universally refers to natural log.

even in my numerical analysis that's the convention used, there just really isnt much reason to consider other base logarithms, occasionally base 2 comes up in numerical analysis and you use base 10 or something sometimes for log graphs but if you're just doing analysis e is just the intuitive base.

[Anonymous No.7096489]

ln is 2 letters anyway, why you people gotta be so mad about it
you write ln, no one has any doubt about it

[Anonymous No.7096498]

>>7096489
also saves chalk, etc

[Anonymous No.7096504]

>>7096489
But it's funier to say log log x than ln ln x

[Anonymous No.7096723]

>>7096455
Yeah, that's real great. Depending on the discipline, 'log' can refer to base 2, e or 10. I prefer to be more unambiguous.

[Anonymous No.7096906]

>>7096461
>electrical engineer
heh

[Anonymous No.7097070]

>>7083273
Oh shi-

[Anonymous No.7097094]

>>7088685
no seriously, what does the M stand for? i always wondered that. i thought it's a lame running gag from string "physicists"?

[Anonymous No.7097102]

>>7090268
>calc without series
wat. quite everything in calc starts with series. you don't even define a proper function in calc without series

[Anonymous No.7097115]

>>7083011
I've read about tachyons but i don't get this

[Anonymous No.7097117]

>>7096455
fucking BS.

physics student in germany here.

nobody gives a fuck. both ln and log are well understood. nobody gives a flying shit as long as it's understandable. holy shit, mathematicians are so autistic.

is use ln because it's shorter to write. that's what it's all about.

[Anonymous No.7097120]

>>7097115
>"Because a tachyon would always move faster than light, it would not be possible to see it approaching. After a tachyon has passed nearby, we would be able to see two images of it, appearing and departing in opposite directions." src: wikipedia

[Anonymous No.7097146]

>>7097094
martian. did you read the comic?