No siriusly

[Anonymous No.6142436]

ITT: Jokes and general humor.

inb4 all gud joeks argon

[Anonymous No.6142438]

YOUR LIFE

[Anonymous No.6142440]

>>6142436

>argon

mfw

[Anonymous No.6142441]

[Anonymous No.6142447]

Without religion there would be no science

[Anonymous No.6142467]

>>6142447

good joke.

[its not maeojubana No.6142605]

gimme more funy shits pls anons
im lobely hear on my onesum

[Anonymous No.6142620]

Perfect, I was about to make a thread to ask this but this thread will better help me.

Can someone explain this to me? I'm not that physics inclined.

[Anonymous No.6142624]

>>6142620
the world of quantum mechanics is too esoteric to have been intelligently designed

[Anonymous No.6142654]

[Anonymous No.6142658]

[Anonymous No.6142670]

[Anonymous No.6142676]

>>6142670
Too bad your math is incorrect

[Anonymous No.6142688]

>>6142620
I don't get it. Is it just because muon sounds like moron?

[Anonymous No.6142689]

>>6142654

that's funny on so many sexist levels

[Anonymous No.6142703]

>>6142624

How does our lack of understanding reason against an intelligent designer?

[Anonymous No.6142708]

>>6142703
because it doesn't follow the reasoning of the world in the bible

[Anonymous No.6142717]

>>6142708

The god in Abrahamic religions isn't the only possible intelligent designer in all of ever forever whenever

[Anonymous No.6142726]

>>6142717
but that's the one depicted in that picture.

it's a joke. calm down

[Anonymous No.6142728]

>>6142726

No it's not. God is never depicted with a blank face and bald head and angels are never depicted with nines over their heads

[Anonymous No.6143642]

[Anonymous No.6143649]

[Anonymous No.6143667]

>>6142658
lel

[Anonymous No.6143669]

>>6142728
Protip: stop with a repetitive joke (or "troll" as the cool kids call it) after its not funny anymore.

[Anonymous No.6143677]

[Anonymous No.6143841]

[Anonymous No.6143850]

>>6143649
Made me vomit. These people breed.
Kill everything.

[Anonymous No.6143868]

>>6142676
Welp, at least my meth is right.

[Anonymous No.6143918]

Our maths teacher told us this in 11th grade:
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician all go on a holiday in england. While on a train, they all notice a single black sheep in profile out the window. The engineer writes down on his diary: "In england, all sheep are black".
The physicist, having seen the black sheep, writes down on his dairy: "in england, some sheep are black".
The mathematician looks at the sheep and writes down on his diary: "in england, at least one side of at least one sheep is black"

[Anonymous No.6143924]

>>6143850
*tips fedora*

[Anonymous No.6143978]

A biologist, a mathematician, and an engineer watch as a man and woman walk into a building. A few minutes later, The man and woman walk out with a child.

The biologist says "They reproduced". The mathematician says "Now if on of them goes back in, there will be zero people in the building". The engineer proceeds to rip open both the mathematician and biologists pants. He then grabs both of their cocks, stroking them vigorously until they finish.

[Anonymous No.6143979]

A mathematician finds solutions
A biologist finds understanding
An engineer finds a dick in his ass
Cause engineers are gay

[Anonymous No.6143982]

An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walk into a bar (ouch). One of the mathematicians then says, "the bar is now empty" and they begin to play hide and seek. The neutrino is then stopped by a police officer. Officer Heisenberg says, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "You're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

Then the engineer sucks a horse's cock.

[Anonymous No.6143984]

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a biologist walk into a bar. They all order a beer, then the engineer starts drinking. His mates look at his glass:

The biologist says: "Your glass is half empty."

The physicist replies: "It's rather 60% empty..."

The mathematician says: "Well all we can say is that it's not completely empty and not completely full."

The engineer says: "I love cocks" then proceeds to pull out his dick and stick it up the biologist's ass. The biologist, startled, unzips his pants and punches the mathematician in the face. The mathematician falls over and the physicist profits from it, unzipping his pants too and sucking the mathematician's cock. The bartender's like: "What the fuck" but then the engineer grabs his pants too and puts his left hand on the bartender's crotch while his right hand fondles the biologist's balls. The biologist starts moaning while being fucked in the ass. Meanwhile, the mathematician regains consciousness and looks at the physicist busy sucking his rock hard dick. Since it feels good, he shouts "EJACULATIONS!" in a very high pitched voice. Meanwhile, the bartender is being aroused by the engineer's hand and pulls out his massive cock. The engineer then gives him a glorious handjob. Then everybody comes at the same time, the biologist cries: "I'm your bitch, fuck me, fuck me!" The physicist is being annoyed by all this noise and starts biting the mathematician dick and shaking his mouth. Eventually the severed part sails off in an arc. The engineering promptly cums, then looks at the mathematician and says: "What a shame. You'll never be an engineer".

[Anonymous No.6143985]

>>6142624
except they don't produce the oxygen we breath algae does. Sure they contribute a little but murder every single tree on the planet and we'd still get along just fine because the bulk of our oxygen comes from algae

[Anonymous No.6143987]

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The engineer does not hear him because he is too busy sucking another engineer's dick in the lavatory.

[Anonymous No.6143989]

A scientist, an engineer and a mathematician walk into the bar.

The scientist immediately throws himself at the nearest lone female, uses his best line and heads home with her.
The engineer takes his time, and chooses the most handsome man to spend the night.
The mathematician goes home alone, this night and every night until he is old and lonely, because seriously. Who would pick up a mathematician?

[Anonymous No.6143991]

A farmer decides to build a new pen for his livestock and turns to his friends - a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician - for help designing the enclosure.


The physicist takes out a legal pad and a pen and crunches some numbers for a few minutes before exclaiming, "Eureka! My derivations show that a circular pen will give you the largest enclosure for a given length of fencing!"

"Now hold on a second," says the engineer. He pulls out a notebook full of graph paper, he draws a few sketches and jots down some calculations and finally says, "Aha! My models show that a rectangular pen will make the most efficient use of the existing fences and buildings!"

The physicist and the engineer argue for a time before finally coming to an agreement on a design. They shake hands, pick up some tools and help the farmer start building the pen.


Not to be outdone by his colleagues, the mathematician grabs four sections of fencing from the pile. He grumbles and curses under his breath as he drags them out into the middle of the farmer's property, sets them up in a small box around himself and shouts out:

"Behold! I define myself to be outside the fence!"

Unfortunately neither of his colleagues heard him because the engineer was too busy engaging in anal sex with the physicist.

[Anonymous No.6143993]

An engineer a mathematician and a physicist walk into a bar and the engineer immediately starts starts to perform on the mathematician and the physicist. Yet the engineer is not a faggot, since physicist and mathematician are women. Haha, a woman in mathematics.

[Anonymous No.6143995]

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer tears off his pants and proceeds to masturbate furiously until he cums all over the architect. Then he punches the artist in the face, squats over him and unleashes worm-infested diarrhoea all over him, before walking away calmly and hanging himself.

[Anonymous No.6143997]

A scientist and an engineer are lost in the woods. Then the see a man sitting on a rock. They ask the stranger where they are. The man says he'll think for a while and get back to them. Then three days later, the stranger says, "You're in the woods." The scientist turns to the engineer and says "I bet he's a mathematician." Then engineer asks "What makes you say that?" Then the scientist says "Well he took forever to come up with an answer, his answer was completely undeniably true, and it was also completely useless."


Of course the engineer isn't listening, because he's too busy eating shit out of another engineer's ass.

[Anonymous No.6143998]

Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at sporting events?
A: The Wave.

Q: What do engineers enjoy doing the most at sporting events?
A: Each other.

[Anonymous No.6143999]

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the gay bar and suck some cock."

[Anonymous No.6144001]

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I like cock, but a talking frog is cool."

[Anonymous No.6144003]

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."

And then they had gay sex.

[Anonymous No.6144004]

A mathematician, a physicist, a biologist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.

The biologist exclaimed that math is for low-functioning circle-jerking autists and proceeded to lodge the ball into a nucleic acid extractor.

The engineer tried to look up the model and serial numbers, but couldn't find them. Instead, he browsed /hm/ for thirty minutes so he could get another hour in on he time sheet and then told his manager that it's just not going to work. The engineer then grabbed his manager's cock and began rustling it around until he was bitch slapped and thrown in prison.

[Anonymous No.6144006]

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How can I suck it?"

[Anonymous No.6144008]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "And I'll suck their cocks when they least expect it, because I'm gay."

[Anonymous No.6144010]

An biologist, a mathematician and a physicist walk in a bar. The bartender says that he will ask a question to everyone and if someone says the right answer they'll have a beer for free. He ask the mathematician "2+2 = 4?" The mathematician answers of course 4 . Then he asks the same question to the physicist and he answers 4 too. Then the engineer pulls out his dick.

[Anonymous No.6144012]

A cop pulled over a photon speeding down the highway.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" the cop screamed.

The photon said "fuck you," shot the cop in the face, and sped off.

Then a passing engineer stopped and sucked the dead cop's rock hard dick while masturbating himself to orgasm.

[Anonymous No.6144015]

It was career day at Bobby's school and the children had been listening to some of the parents with boring jobs talk about what they do. They had heard a supermarket manager, a bank clerk, and a carpenter. The teacher knew that the pupils would lose interest unless she saved the more interesting careers for last, so the last three speakers were a policeman, a doctor and a mechanical engineer.

The policeman was really popular. He brought handcuffs, batons and other items that the kids could pass around. He even shows them how he arrests people by calling a volunteer to the front of the room. Almost everyone raised their hand.

The doctor brought a stethoscope, a sphygmomanometer and some other equipment. He talked about how he helps patients and he measures some of the pupils blood pressure. He too was really popular.

When Bobby's dad, the mechanical engineer, finally got up in front of the class, he opened up a case that he had with him and took out a very complicated device. It was mostly made of metal and it had gears all over the place. He plugging in a little motor and connected it to the machine an different parts started to rotate and oscillate. The children were complete amazing and Bobby looked proud. One of the pupils, Dan, raised his han... wait, that's not what happened. The engineer pulled out a big rubber dildo and shoved it up his arse and said that he does that all day. The doctor understood but the cop arrested him for indecent exposure. Now Bobby's dad gets to be an engineer in the prison shower.

You know, because engineers are gay, right?

[Anonymous No.6144017]

A mathematician, a physicist, a chemist, a biologist, a computer scientist, a philosopher, a liberal arts major and an engineer have been asked the following question: "Are all odd numbers prime?"

The mathematician says: "Trivial."
The physicist says: "Well 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, let's disregard 9 as an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, well yes, they're all prime."
The chemist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... yes, they're all prime."
The biologist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime so yes, they're all prime."
The computer scientist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime..."
The philosopher says: "No because 2 is even and prime."
The liberal arts major says: "Math is tough! Would you like fries with that?"
The engineer says: "I love cocks."

[Anonymous No.6144020]

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer walk into a bar. They each order their drinks and then the engineer heads for the toilets. The mathematician and the physicist begin a discussion about the mathematical nature of the universe. The drinks arrive a few minutes later. After a while the physicist and the mathematician begin to wonder what's taking the engineer so long. Almost immediately, the barman walks past them escorting the engineer out of the establishment. When the barman comes back, they ask him what happened. He explains that this is the third time he's had to throw out the engineer for soliciting gay sex in a toilet stall, then hangs up a new sign banning engineers from the bar. It's funny because it's making fun of engineers. Well, no it's not. It's just fucking stupid. Wtf are you still reading this shit? Stop tapping my foot. I'm not a fucking engineer. wtfamireading.jpg

[Anonymous No.6144022]

During the French Revolution, three professionals were arrested and convicted of having bourgeois values. They were a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer. They were to be led to the guillotine one by one. The crowd was roaring with anticipated pleasure. First up was the doctor. How dare he enrich himself through other people's illnesses? The doctor was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. The blade started on its massive, implacable way down. And lurched to a stop. The official in charge declared that it would be inhumane to make the doctor suffer this way more than once, so he was setting the doctor free. The crowd howled. The executioner checked his equipment. All was in order. He put a small tree branch in, and successfully lopped it in half. He re-sharpened the blade. Next up was the lawyer. Who needs an excuse to wish such a lying, cheating scoundrel dead? The lawyer was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. Again, the blade stopped part-way down! The presiding official once again said that he would set this prisoner free because of the unusual circumstances. The crowd screamed in frustration. Now came the engineer, a man whose innovations and devices were costing jobs. The crowd fell silent. The executioner checked and re-checked his equipment.

[Anonymous No.6144023]

>>6144022
As the engineer was marched up to the guillotine, he looked carefully at it, and said, "Wait. I see your problem...." He fell on his knees and suddenly grabbed the executioner's crotch who let out a moan of pleasure. The crowd watched the engineer unzip the executioner's pants and pull out his massive balls, amazed. The official in charge had trouble hiding his huge boner and started yelling more and more loudly. Finally the crowd was aroused too and the cock licking sound was hidden by the giant buzz of a thousand pants unzipping and dicks being pulled out and flogged. Eventually the engineer deepthroated the executioner's cock and many people in the crowd came, drowning the guillotine in a pool of semen.

[Anonymous No.6144025]

A graduate engineering student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
"Where did you get the bike from?" his exclusively male friends want to know.
"It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..."
"Tell us!"
"Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her materials science final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can take from me whatever you desire!'"
One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."
"Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how fucking retarded you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"

Then they all sucked one another's cock.

[Anonymous No.6144026]

Guys stop being so mean.
'm an engineer and I take offense to these jokes as I'm not gay.

[Anonymous No.6144027]

An engineer was the only guy surviving a plane crash. He was surviving in the jungle and trying to make signalling devices when suddenly a hostile native tribe showed up around the plane wreck. The engineer was well hidden but the chief suddenly pulled out a massive dildo out of his backpack and the engineer couldn't help but gasp in lust. Of course everyone heard it and the natives caught him, tied him to a pole and brought sacrificial instruments. The engineer was yelling at them to stop but they wouldn't listen. Eventually the chief walked over him and said: "You're a noisy faggot."
"Wait, you can't kill me", the engineer said.
"Why wouldn't I kill a faggot like you?"
"Because this is an engineer joke. We're in a shitty /sci/ thread attempting to force an over used meme about homosexual engineers. This story is supposed to end with gay sex, not death."
"Hmmm... you're right. But you know what? First, I used to be an engineer before hanging around in the jungle, as this huge dildo can attest. Second, I'm into necrophilia."
Then the chief killed the engineer and sodomized his corpse.

[Anonymous No.6144028]

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a biologist walk into a bar. They all order a beer, then the engineer starts drinking. His mates look at his glass:

The biologist says: "Your glass is half empty."

The physicist replies: "It's rather 60% empty..."

The mathematician says: "Well all we can say is that it's not completely empty and not complet..."

The mathematician is suddenly interrupted by muffled shatter and a cry of pain. During the discussion, the engineer had been inserting all sort of objects through his anus. Unfortunately, the biologist's glass had given in to the pressure and broken, causing him to bleed profusely.

[Anonymous No.6144030]

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The Third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable." Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always suck my cock when I'm done"

[Anonymous No.6144032]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "I like cock"

[Anonymous No.6144033]

>>6143649
Should have responded instead of letting them circlejerk.

Physics research is about everything and why it all fits together. The mathematics are incredibly difficult to comprehend and that's why we say that Hawking is incredibly smart.
Pure physics has given us plenty of advances that improve human life including the gasoline engines, microwave ovens, and transistors (the very thing that makes your cellphone and the computer you are on work).
There are smart people working on economic problems, but you probably haven't heard of them. People like [classical economics dude], Keynes, and [austrian economics dude] have devoted their lives to trying to improve economic theory. It's difficult in a different sort of way from physics, in that you have to predict not what one irrational human does, but a society of irrational humans do.

[Anonymous No.6144036]

A mathematician, a physicist, a biologist and an engineer observe 2 men enter a house, then 3 people leaving

Biologist: They must have reproduced
Physicist: There must have been a preliminary error in our counting
Mathematician: If one more person enters the house, it will become empty
Engineer: Oh boy, first two, NOW 3 COCKS TO SUCK

[Anonymous No.6144039]

A statistician and an engineer are in a bar.

The engineer says "what is the name of this bar"

The statistician says "x bar"

the engineers says "I wondered why all the cocks in here have been sucked, by me"

[Anonymous No.6144040]

Im an engineer, and these are hilarious

[Anonymous No.6144045]

Guys please stop.
:'(

[Anonymous No.6144054]

A physicist, a biologist and a mathmatician are sitting in a coffee shop across the road from a house. After a short time two people go into the house, a little while later three people come out of the house.

The biologist says: "They must have reproduced"
The physicist says: "Our measurements must have been wrong"
The mathematician says "If one more person goes into the house, it will be empty"
The Barista says "can you please tell the engineers to stop sucking dick, its disturbing the other customers"

[Anonymous No.6144058]

A mathematician, a physicist, a biologist and an engineer walk into a bar. The mathematician, the physicist and the biologist order a beer each. The engineer start sucking the bartender's cock because he's gay.

[Anonymous No.6144060]

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill shaped like a cock and plunks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge cock-shaped pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

"Good thing I'm an engineer" replied the student.

[Anonymous No.6144063]

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the computer scientist, the glass is twice as large as necessary.
To the engineer, the glass is full of semen.

[Anonymous No.6144064]

>>6144060

[Anonymous No.6144066]

a at bus stop 10 people enter a bus, next stop 11 come out:

biologist: they multiplied
physicist: 10% error - I can do with that
mathematician: well if someone enters at the next stop, there will be no person in the bus

--------

reactions of scientists when waking up in a burning house:
chemist: look for extinguisher - use randomly on fire until ceased
physicist: look for extinguisher - think about best spot to spray at - kill fire
theorist: look for extinguisher, go to back to bed since solution exists
engineer: blow the fire

[Anonymous No.6144073]

A scientist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all asked the same question: What is 2+2?

The scientist does some experiments, evaluates the results, and checks with established baselines and concludes that 2+2=4.

The mathematician does the equation in 3 different formats and checks his work for each. He finds that 2+2=4.

The engineer says, "If you let me suck your cock it can be anything you want."

[Anonymous No.6144070]

>>6143924

There's nothing "fedora" or euphoric about this reaction, its genuinely repulsive.

[Anonymous No.6144077]

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and suck some cocks." Then he fapped and came on the architect's face, who slurped the cum in delight.

[Anonymous No.6144079]

An engineer, a programmer, and a manager are driving along a road when the car veers off and down a hill. The engineer says "lets open up the hood to see what went wrong" the manager asks "are you sure it wasn't you" and the programmer suggests "lets roll it back up the hill and see if it crashes again". they all then proceeded to have sex in the car

[Anonymous No.6144092]

Obviously green power
check out this article from the economist :
http://www.economist.com/news/briefing/21587782-europes-electricity-providers-face-existential-threat-how-lose-half-trillion-euros


Renewable energy has experienced massive leaps in cost reduction and availability


Nuclear power still has too many issues regarding waste management and safety etc...

Of course we're all still waiting for fission to whoop the ass of everything else around but for now "green" energy is probably the best bet

[Anonymous No.6144094]

>>6144060

[Anonymous No.6144097]

is it one buttmad engineer that is spamming these unfunny jokes?

[Anonymous No.6144115]

All of these "engineers love eating cock" jokes are seriously making me laugh my ass off. Coming from a physics major who goes to a school with a HUGE engineering department.
Full of butt plugs, lube, and engineering pads.

[Anonymous No.6144135]

>>6144115
it's the same punchline every time

a physicist and an engineer walk into a bar. The physicist asks about the bartender what he knows about the Coppenhagen interpretation.
The engineer sucks his cock.

[Anonymous No.6144192]

A mathematician and an engineer walk into a bar. They each get a pint of Guinness and sit down at the bar for a chat. "what's you're favorite number?" asked the mathematician. The engineer proceeds to draw a crude diagram of him sucking the mathematicians penis on a napkin. Then he sucks someones dick. It's funny because engineerings a very respectable and earnest profession.

[Anonymous No.6144199]

haha having the same punchline is making the next joke funnier to me

[Anonymous No.6144254]

>>6144115
Shows how simpleminded and mature physicists are.

[Anonymous No.6144304]

>>6144254
Normally this wouldn't be funny, but the sheer amount of jokes with the same punchline is oddly hilarious in its own right.

[Anonymous No.6144322]

I don't get this one either, guys.
It's supposed to be about photons but I'm not smart enough to get it.
can someone dumb it down for me.

[Anonymous No.6144338]

>>6144322
Nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. That's it.

[Anonymous No.6144345]

Two mathematicians and a statistician go hunting. Suddenly, a wild hare appears. The mathfags shoot, but both rounds land on either side of the woodland critter and it runs away. At this point, the statistician says that the average marksmanship of the hunting party is excellent.

[Anonymous No.6144365]

>>6144338
But what about the "speed up" and " speed minimum c"?

[Anonymous No.6144388]

>>6144345

[Anonymous No.6144420]

>>6144060

[Anonymous No.6144424]

>>6143978
top lel

[Anonymous No.6144437]

>>6144365

Photons can go only exactly at c.

[Anonymous No.6144450]

>>6144437
no, photons can be brought down to a speed of ~17m/s
Something involving lasers.

[Anonymous No.6144453]

A guy decided to go to the brain transplant clinic to refreshen his supply of brains. The secretary informed him that they had three kinds of brains available at that time. Doctors' brains were going for $20 per ounce and lawyers' brains were getting $30 per ounce. And then there were mathematicians' brains which were currently fetching $1000 per ounce.

"1000 dollars an ounce!" he cried. "Why are they so expensive?"

It takes more mathematicians to get an ounce of brains," she explained.

[Anonymous No.6144462]

>>6144026
Fucking homophobe.
Being gay is offensive now?
Go back to Kenya.

[Anonymous No.6144468]

>>6144060

[Anonymous No.6144488]

How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to climb a ladder and replace it and another one to keep the ladder steady, while fellating his coworker.

[Anonymous No.6144504]

>>6143978
should be walk into an "empty building"

[Anonymous No.6144515]

>Did you hear about the math major who sucks cock for a living?

>Which one?

[Anonymous No.6144523]

>>6144515
>Did you hear about the buttblasted engineer who makes unfunny gay jokes about mathematicians to try and distract everyone from the cock currently in his mouth?

>Which one?

[Anonymous No.6144525]

>>6144523
>Did you hear about the math major who has a cock up his ass right this second?

>Don't you mean all of them?

[Anonymous No.6144555]

>>6144525
>>6144515
Without us math majors you couldn't make gr8 b8 like this, m8. Because 8 wouldn't exist.

[Anonymous No.6144888]

>>6144017
>The chemist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... yes, they're all prime."

I don't understand this part

[Anonymous No.6144924]

>>6144453
D'ohohoho that's good. I'm gonna remember that one.

[Anonymous No.6145347]

So a mathematician and an engineer were driving through a forest one day, when all of a sudden their vehicle broke down. They tried calling for help, but as luck would have it, neither of their cellphones could get a signal. They got out to inspect the car and concluded that they don't have the tools to repair it, so they might as well walk to the nearest town, or at least until they get good reception. After about 2 hours, they stopped to rest and the engineer asked the mathematician if he's ever dabbled in engineering.

m: >N-n-o, it's not my thing.
e: >You should try it, it's really fun.
m: >Nah, you guys have at it. Like I said, not what I'm in to.
e: >Aw, come on, you've never tried yet you're convinced you won't like it. Besides, it's not like you'll become an engineer if you do it only once.

The mathematician thought about it a little and agreed to try it. Both of them undressed and had sex under a birch tree. After that, they continued walking and looking for signs of civilization. An hour passed and the engineer asked the mathematician if he wants to do some more engineering. The mathematician was reluctant, but the engineer told him that doing it a mere two times won't make him an engineer. The mathematician agreed and they made even more passionate love.

They continued walking. After about 30 minutes the mathematician asked:
>Will I become an engineer if I do it three times?

[Anonymous No.6145402]

>>6145347

that one's already been posted

[Anonymous No.6145414]

So a horny engineer walks into a bar, gets drunk and has sex with three guys simultaneously with a new sex aid.

Then she patents it, becomes a millionaire and agitates for marriage to be defined as between a man and a woman.

[Anonymous No.6145426]

[Anonymous No.6145427]

Q: Why does the middle east lag behind the western world in technology?

A: Because engineering is punishable by death

[Anonymous No.6145431]

[Anonymous No.6145429]

>>6145426

Oh Brunel, you so exploitable

[Anonymous No.6145433]

>>6145431

:( I dont get it

[Anonymous No.6145440]

>implying it isn't true

[Anonymous No.6145445]

>>6145433

It's a cell wall.

[Anonymous No.6145448]

When war broke out between the USA and China, the former soviet union jumped at the chance to embarass the world superpower and added their armies to form a mighty armada.

The american government turned to NASA, the cover for their missile program, and asked them why they hadn't nuked mars yet.

"Mr. President, we are a peaceful organization. We want to pave the way for mankind to expand to the sta-"

"Don't give me that pinko peacenik crap, poindexter!" said the President, his thick texan accent growing in influence as he became angrier. "Ah know you have the technologah to send those daym chahneese ta heyll!"

The chief engineer of NASA sighed. "We'll have to have more funding, of course."

"You're now part of the military. You will have access to all their equipment and... personell."

"Y-you mean all their... people of mechanical inclination?" said the chief engineer, his pulse beginning to race in anticipation

[Anonymous No.6145455]

>>6145433
Did you never went to middle school?

[Anonymous No.6145457]

>>6145448

cont:

The President noticed. "Oh for the love of gawd, keep your pants on! Yes, fine, fine! Ah'll even agree to let you marry if you give me some 100-megaton nukular missils!"

The chief engineer was about to say "I could show you *my* 100 megaton nukular missil", but bit back the words just in time. They couldn't afford to lose funding again, over yet another such incident. All through the 1990s, 2000s and 2010s such reckless words had cut NASA to the bone.

[Anonymous No.6145467]

>>6142436

>I ate the pie.

Oh dear God. Bury this joke already.

[Anonymous No.6145601]

>>6145467
i eight sum pie

[Anonymous No.6145628]

>>6144322
Nothing with a mass can go AT the speed of light, math allows for tachyons (never actually observed) that go faster than light but then can't slow down to the speed of light.

[Anonymous No.6145631]

>>6144040
as a student, i have no idea what they talking about you engineers..but for sure that i now consider as a fact that engineers likes to suck cocks

[Anonymous No.6145658]

>>6145601
>i eight sum of of pi

[Anonymous No.6145686]

>>6142436
What does this sum to? It can't be infinity, because infinity is real.

[Anonymous No.6145794]

>>6142688
Google "who ordered that?".

[Anonymous No.6145838]

>>6144888
Chemist is stupid.

[Anonymous No.6145845]

>>6145440
But I'm engaged.

[Anonymous No.6145912]

>>6144453
As an economist, I can say that's fucking retarded.

[Anonymous No.6145930]

>>6145414
>engineer
>she
Pick one.

>>6145427
Nice.

[Anonymous No.6145978]

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Blaise Pascal all decide to play hide and seek. Einstein starts counting, Pascal runs away, and Newton draws a square around him, and stands in the open. When Einstein turns around, he says "Found you Newton!" Newton says, "No, there's one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"

[Anonymous No.6145984]

>>6145686
I 8 sum pi.

[Anonymous No.6145988]

>>6145978

[Anonymous No.6146288]

>>6143989
This is depressing for a joke.

[Anonymous No.6146404]

>>6144033
I laughed when you called Keynes smart.

[Anonymous No.6146414]

>>6144515
>>6144525
All this upset.

[Anonymous No.6146433]

>>6142436
i 8 sigma pi? i don't get it

[Anonymous No.6146469]

>>6146433
i 8 sum pi

Moron.

[Anonymous No.6146483]

/sci/ in a nutshell:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpXQ8m_tmbs

[Anonymous No.6146501]

>>6146483

>mfw that whole video

[Anonymous No.6146504]

Does /sci/ pick on engineers because they have better job prospects and higher salaries (ignoring the money they make from sucking cocks)?

[Anonymous No.6146509]

>>6146469
that's not a sum though. x + y is a sum. the thing in the pic is the uppercase greek letter sigma

[Anonymous No.6146511]

>>6146483
>dem laugh tracks
Can people even blink in this thing without them?

[Anonymous No.6146514]

>>6146504
No, it's because they're jealous of people who have a sex life.

[Anonymous No.6146540]

>>6143649
>great minds think alike
And fools seldom differ.

[Anonymous No.6146584]

>>6143982
Mhm... I follow.

[Anonymous No.6146596]

>>6146509
?...
which means "sum"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summation#Capital-sigma_notation
here we just don't have the boundaries.

[Anonymous No.6146611]

>>6142620
This made me die. Hilarious

[Anonymous No.6146725]

>>6144026

you shouldn't talk with your mouth full.

of cock.

[Anonymous No.6146769]

>>6146509
Sigma for sum.
It's very standard notation, do more maths.

[Anonymous No.6146771]

>>6142624
Why don't they make trees that give off wifi signals then? now that would be a clever invention

[Anonymous No.6146773]

>>6146596
>>6146769
his point is that there is no boundary and nothing to be summed so it's not a sum
it's like a plus sign, you wouldn't say a + alone is a sum right?

[Anonymous No.6146895]

>>6146769
>>6146596
An out of context letter does not have any meaning. Does <span class="math">\pi G\,[/spoiler] mean "pi graph" because we often use G to represent graphs?

[Anonymous No.6146927]

Whats with math majors and engineers sucking cocks? Please explain (fyi not either of these)

[Anonymous No.6146959]

>>6143998
fucking lel

[Anonymous No.6146975]

>>6145978

[Anonymous No.6146978]

>>6146514
even if it's homosexual

[Anonymous No.6147456]

>Whats with math majors and engineers sucking cocks? Please explain (fyi not either of these)

Not math majors, just engineers. And I suck cock because it is amazing, you should try it some time.
>Engineering Consultant here

[Anonymous No.6147463]

>>6145440
>so you're saying both fields are good

HURR

[Anonymous No.6147464]

>>6146469
Wow...I interpreted this as "I ate all the pie."

...

[Anonymous No.6147470]

>>6146895
It was a ver retarded notation, only a high school student or freshman would see "sum" in that sigma.

[Anonymous No.6147477]

>>6146927
Engineers earn more money so everyone is buttmad about not being an engineer
Mathematicians are genuinely retarded

[Anonymous No.6147497]

>>6145838
??? ????? ???????? ??????.

[Anonymous No.6147643]

>>6147470
Google "capital sigma" and the second result will be "summation". What other uses does it have in mathematics? The only one I can think of is the suspension operator in homotopy theory.

[Anonymous No.6147675]

>>6147643
the variable sigma...

[Anonymous No.6147797]

>>6144450
No it cant, that's the effective speed of the photon when you take into account the time it takes for a charged particle to absorb one and emit a second one.

[Anonymous No.6147799]

>>6145912
you are a shit economist then

[Anonymous No.6147820]

>>6147799
>implying there's another kind

[Anonymous No.6147886]

>>6142436
You can tell this was written by an American because there's no limit to how much pie they're eating.

[Anonymous No.6147901]

>>6142436

I get the joke :3

[Anonymous No.6147903]

>>6147886

[Anonymous No.6147921]

>>6147886
It's North Korean.

The pie is all imaginary.

[Anonymous No.6147976]

>>6147921

[Anonymous No.6148100]

>>6147901
I think the last two expressions are saying Sumpie or something, but I don't get how radical -1 and 2 cubed fit in.

[Anonymous No.6148111]

>mfw everyone gets butt blasted because their pure science degrees aren't worth shit
>mfw I could've been a physicist or a mathematicians if I felt like it, But I would rather fuck bitches and get paid

[Anonymous No.6148144]

>>6148100
Wait till 10th or 11th grade and then maybe you'll understand.

[Anonymous No.6148153]

lol, the amount of hate to engineers is hilarious

[Anonymous No.6148166]

>>6148144
radical negative one two cubed sum pie, not a lie


does that make any sense to you?

[Anonymous No.6148171]

>>6148166
Yes, everyone gets it but you. It's been explained multiple times in this thread.

[Anonymous No.6148175]

>>6142670
His math is just made up randomly. It's probably only 99.987% dust mites and King of the Hill jokes.

[Anonymous No.6148176]

>>6148171
So I thought about it a bit and I figured out that it says "I 2-cubed some pie, not a lie" but I still can't figure out what the 2 cubed is.

[Anonymous No.6148193]

I'm an engineer (at least I have an engineering Bachelor's Degree) and I'm far too socially awkward to have sex with another man.

[Anonymous No.6148205]

>>6145431
Is that a Sweet Bro and/or Hella Jeff mouth?

[Anonymous No.6148230]

Three prospective professors are given a practical exam. They're directed to go to a an empty chemistry lab with a dangerous fire in the wastepaper basket, to see what they do.

The engineer just dumps water on it until it goes out. And then wanders off to suck cocks.

The applied mathematician adds a precise amount of water to the basket so that the fire exponentially approaches zero

The theoretical mathematician turns on the sink, then turns it off and leaves the room, declaring, "a solution exists".

[Anonymous No.6148299]

>>6146895
I answer because there were two funny replies


I agree with you, the proper notation needs boundaries (as I said in my first post).

But it's very often used without them when they're implicit, that's why it's very common to see such notation.
if i see sum x^n/n! I understand it's surely about the exp serie.
you're example shows a bit of bad faith :)

best answers:
>>6147886
>>6147921

[its not maeojubana No.6148532]

OP here.

>>6146433
>>6145686
>>6145658
>>6145601
>>6145467

This is not reddit, stop pedanting AND POAST MOER JOAKS ARELDY

[Anonymous No.6148548]

>>6148532
The radical shouldn't have that first drop at the front.

[Anonymous No.6148636]

>>6148532
>sqrt(-1)
that doesn't make any sense at all since the sqrt function is defined over positive real numbers
>stop being autismal
but it's a real concern, it cannot be extended because it could be -i too and there's no way to know

[Anonymous No.6148643]

>>6148176
Please calculate the numeric value of 2 times 2 times 2, AKA 2 cubed.

[Anonymous No.6148702]

>>6147643
planes in analytic geometry

[Anonymous No.6148712]

why dont mathematicians go to parties?

because they cant drink and derive!

[Anonymous No.6148746]

do u want to hear a joke about potassium?
k

[Anonymous No.6148767]

>>6148636

[Anonymous No.6148789]

>>6148767
the calculator is trying to cope with the ambiguity because it knows that i is most likely the answer you want but there's no reason for the result not to be -i, (-i)2 = -1 too m9

[Anonymous No.6148794]

>>6148789
nahhhhh fool sqrt(-1)= i
the solution to x^2+1=0 is i, -i

[Anonymous No.6148832]

>>6148789
I know, it's even in the pic. Again though, does it bother you that much? Anyway, consider that you can rewrite (-i)^2 as -1.i.(-1).i = -1.(-1).i.i = 1.i^2 = i^2.
It's all the same, when you get down to it. Kind of like how 1 = 9/9 = -0.878789 / -0.878789 = y*y^-1. Just different ways to write the same thing.

[Anonymous No.6148908]

>>6142436

A differential operator and an exponential function meet each other on a small road.

"GTFO function, or I will derive you!"
"lel, I am the exponential function!!"

"toplel, who says that I'm [d/dx]?"

"uber-leet-lel, who says I'm not an engineer?"
..says the engineer and puts out his dick.

[Anonymous No.6148920]

>>6148908
You forgot to specify that the thing being exponentiated is x, but w.e.
>strokes the shaft

[Anonymous No.6148922]

>>6148908
>.says the engineer and puts out his dick.

was it on fire?

[Anonymous No.6149062]

>>6148832
1 isn't equal to y * y^-1, you forgot about 0.

[Anonymous No.6149101]

>>6144060
I laughed but can someone explain to me where the engineers suck cock meme comes from?

[Anonymous No.6149167]

>>6143918
i was expecting some sheep fuckery

[Anonymous No.6149200]

>>6148746

i have a better one about sodium

actually na

[Anonymous No.6149285]

>>6144004
>not turning the red rubber ball into a BDSM gag device
i am disappoint

[Anonymous No.6149322]

>>6144453
>refreshen his supply of brains
I already lol'd

[Anonymous No.6149369]

>>6144008
10/10

[Anonymous No.6149410]

>>6143979
>>6143982
>>6143984
>>6143987
Why is there so many gay jokes about engineers?

[Anonymous No.6149429]

>>6149410

because engineers are gay

[Anonymous No.6149616]

>>6148176
Apply yourself, and learn what exponents are.

[Anonymous No.6149671]

>math

[Anonymous No.6149675]

Math is impossible to learn and its boring.
Im too dumb for this board fuck all of you

[Anonymous No.6149676]

>>6149675
I'm sorry.
where'd you get stuck?

[Anonymous No.6149684]

>>6149676
Everywhere
Middle school Math
I cheated my way through math classes

[Anonymous No.6149690]

>>6149684
But you'd make a perfect math PhD!

[Anonymous No.6149873]

>>6149675
Math is easy to learn up to Calculus. After that it starts to get a little challening

[Anonymous No.6150102]

<span class="math">
\epsilon<0
[/spoiler]

[Anonymous No.6150150]

>>6142436
i ate ? pie
I ate every pie?

[Anonymous No.6150223]

>>6150150
see >>6148532

a famous one, to get back to the subject :

When Noah sends his animals to go forth and multiply, a pair of snakes replies “We can't multiply, we're adders” ; so Noah builds them a log table.

[Anonymous No.6150226]

fucking hate that joke, I always read it as sigma so it makes no sense

[Anonymous No.6150366]

>>6148548
>>6148532

Why do people throw insults at people who want this to be correct?

[Anonymous No.6150421]

>>6149675
Such pride in being retarded. Reminds me of a memorable quote:
>It's like a race to the bottom with you people.

Source:
http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=math

[Anonymous No.6150438]

>>6150150
>ate sum pie

[Anonymous No.6150729]

>>6143649
This can't be real. This planet will be purged in fire.

[Anonymous No.6151010]

>>6143649
This belongs in a cringe thread

[Anonymous No.6151034]

>why did the scientist cross the road
>to suck the engineers cock

xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT xD #REKT

[Anonymous No.6151072]

>>6150729
I was going to post pic related, with the intent of saying all hope is not lost. Then I saw the post made by this fucktard >>6151034
so I amended the picture to reflect reality.

[Anonymous No.6151094]

>>6150729
I got a better idea, we make Stephen Hawking a cyborg, and build a giant micro black hole generator under his command, and launch a micro black hole toward these people


WHAT'S THAT? YOU DON'T CARE THAT BLACK HOLES EMIT RADIATION? Here have a microblackhole that emits petawatts of Hawking radiation for a couple years.

What's that? You don't want to be turned into a hot plasma/have a weather system of molten silica rain on your house/your whole state to be turned into a flood basalt? Oh, but you didn't care that black holes emit radiation and this is the price you shall pay!


Or you know, we could just reach out to these people instead of turning a large portion of the world into a flood basalt by the action of a micro-blackhole

[Anonymous No.6151108]

>>6151094
>Or you know, we could just reach out to these people
To shake our hands, while clutching their throats? I'm going to assume that's what you mean. It is indeed more doable.

[Anonymous No.6151134]

>>6142658
Been there SOOOO many times, as a christian, talking to christians. TOP KEK

[Anonymous No.6151142]

>>6147464
Some does not preclude all.

Moar jokes please.

[Anonymous No.6151182]

2 Cauchy sequences are going out tonight, they find a "no-limit" party in town and try to enter the nightclub, but the bouncer says "sorry, we're complete".

[Anonymous No.6151186]

Why did the mathematician name his dog “Cauchy”?

[Anonymous No.6151192]

PROOF THAT ALL ODD NUMBERS ARE PRIME, BY FIELD

Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and 7 is prime. By induction, all the odd integers are prime.

Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is experimental error, 17 is prime, 19 is prime. The empirical evidence is overwhelming.

Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a good approximation, 11 is prime...

Architect: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the engineers will figure out how to make 9 prime, 11 is prime, ...

Lawyer: 3 is prime. That's our precedent case. And it's even backed up by 5 is prime, and 7 is prime…

Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime; uh, did you really need 9 to be prime? Because I could shift 2 more into this account and you'll have 11 which is prime, ...

Chemist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime... hey, let's publish!

Psychologist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is latently prime but repressing it, 11 is prime, ...

Quantum field theorist using renormalization: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is...uh, 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is...uh, 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime...

College Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime. The rest are left as an exercise for the student.

Confused Undergraduate: Let p be any prime number larger than 2. Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd. QED.

Measure Theorist: There are exactly as many odd numbers as primes (Euclid, Cantor), and exactly one even prime (namely 2), so there must be exactly one odd nonprime (namely 1). Therefore, all odd numbers other than 1 are prime.

Computer Scientist: 10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime...

Economist: Assume 9 is prime...

[Anonymous No.6151193]

To what question is the answer "9W."

>"Dr. Wiener, do you spell your name with a V?"

[Anonymous No.6151194]

>>6151192
English Major: 2 is prime, 3 is prime, 4 is prime...

Mythbusters: Some people think 4 is prime. We divide it by 2 and it doesn't explode! Therefore all odd numbers are prime. (What do you mean "one data point isn't enough?")

Keynesian Economist: Any quantity can be made prime by introducing more units of fiduciary media

Austrian Economist: Any number may be called "prime": it is entirely up to each person's subjective evaluation as to whether a number has been divided fairly.

Zoologist: The hypothesis that all odd numbers greater than one are prime has stood up to scrutiny. Experimenters distributing clusters of bananas noted a statistically significant elevation in baboon fatalities when the number of bananas is 3, 5, or 7.

Meteorologist: 3 is clearly prime. If you add one, it becomes non-prime. If you add one again, it goes back to being prime. We predict that 7 and 9 will be prime.

Climatologist: Ancient mathematical records suggest that 3 was prime. Based on the clear trend of alternating between prime and non-prime, computer simulations extrapolate that 37,541 will be prime.

Microbiologist: 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13 are all prime so I guess the problem with 9 is just contamination.

[Anonymous No.6151248]

Once upon a time, a scientist decided to go to a brothel and found a very weird one. The manager told him that the building has sections and the quality of the workers increases the deeper you go inside. There was however a rule, which stated that if patrons were unsatisfied with the women in a given section, they were only allowed to move to a deeper one, until they find one to their liking and do their business. The manager explained that this rule was enforced strictly and it was implemented to prevent people from just looking around and not actually paying for anything in the end. The scientist thought it was reasonable enough, so he entered the first section.

To be continued...

[Anonymous No.6151250]

>>6151186
Because he left a residue at every pole.

Q: Why does d(cabin)/cabin = houseboat?
A: It's log cabin +c!

[Anonymous No.6151255]

>>6142689
Sexist? How?

[Anonymous No.6151259]

>>6151248
He saw a sign that said "sex with a 6". Looking around briefly, he deduced that it was an accurate description of the place. He thought he could afford more, so he went deeper. The guard closed the door to the section of the 6s and the scientist was now in the next section. It had a sign that said "sex with a 7". Again, he decided to go deeper. The building was massive and it seemed that there was a section for every desire and fetish. The scientist, being patient and curious in nature, made it very deep inside. Strangely, when he reached the section that said "sex with multiple 10s", he noticed that there was still a door to an even deeper section. He was baffled by this, since this place seemed absolutely perfect. His curiosity peaked and he decided to investigate. The guard shut the door behind the scientist to the harem of 10s.

Surprisingly, the latest section he entered was very dark. He could barely see. Suddenly something in the shadows moved and from the dark came a dozen men. Startled, the scientist demanded to know what was going on. The man in front of him smiled and said "I'm the chief engineer here. Me and my boys manage this building's utilities. However..." said the man while smiling "we also service patrons and since you didn't chose anyone else so far..."

[Anonymous No.6151267]

>>6151255
Isn't it obvious? It implies men are simpleminded pigs, who only think of fucking when they lay their eyes on a woman (or two).

[Anonymous No.6151273]

>>6143649
Waste, just waste.

[Anonymous No.6151394]

>>6149101
/b/
No seriously

[Anonymous No.6151399]

>>6149671
Pretty much

[Anonymous No.6151420]

>>6151267
That's not sexist actually...or it may be. Who cares, I don't study shitty sociology. I only see men, women, and every other object (and humans ARE objects) in the universe as magnetic beads that contribute to nothing. So it really doesn't matter if it is sexist or not. Is it going to effect a specimens life as a whole? No, it will not. Or any specimen. I just study Quantum Physics, don't confuse me with this bullshit.

[Anonymous No.6151681]

>>6151267
>It implies men only think of fucking when they lay their eyes on a woman (or two).
We don't?

[Anonymous No.6152154]

>>6145978
10/10

[Anonymous No.6152655]

>>6151681
Not everyone. Besides, as this thread demonstrates without any doubt, some go for the D.

[Anonymous No.6152674]

Meh, I've heard almost every single joke posted here
Some good ones can be found on jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/
Random examples:

>Statistics are like a bikini - what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital

>Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good, and when it is bad it's still better than nothing

>A thorough software professional is one who when his wife yells at him "goto hell", worries more about the goto.

This one was told by my Chemistry professor:
>The capability of holding a chicken decreases with its kinetic energy

[Anonymous No.6152734]

>>6152674
>The capability of holding a chicken decreases with its kinetic energy
I don't get it, pic related.

[Anonymous No.6152754]

>>6152734
Dude, seriously, how can a persons capability to hold a chicken decrease as it's kinetic energy decreases? Makes no sense at all, a docile chicken would be easier to restrain than one going apeshit and moving around. What am I missing?

[Anonymous No.6152790]

>>6152754
not him but i guess you did not state it as an inverse proportionality.
To clear any ambiguity, I've heard it and laughed (only because prof was looking at me) at it in the form of:
>The capability of holding a chicken decreases with its increasing kinetic energy

[Anonymous No.6152823]

I figured it might be that. Anyway, here's one I heard from a lecturer a year or so back. I think he was taking about electronics, but I can't recall details.

>Lately chinese goods have been getting more expensive. I guess they finally figured out that rice is just garnish, not a proper meal.

[Anonymous No.6152840]

>>6144008

[Anonymous No.6152847]

>>6152734
>>6152754
oh yes of course, >>6152790 is right, I forgot the 'inverse' part, I'm sorry.

Anyway it's not really a "joke", just some pseudo-fun stuff professors come up with to prevent the audience from falling asleep

[Anonymous No.6152899]

I remembered another one of those pseudo-fun things as you call them. During a signal processing lecture:

>I have a really wise friend, who described his understanding of electricity like so: "there's only one thing I know about electricity. It flows, but I mustn't try to drink it".
Quotes within quotes.

[Anonymous No.6152936]

>>6152899
Well, that made me giggle

I reckon, mathematicians/physicists/engineers have a somewhat sick sense of humor
This for example happened to me yesterday:

>be on the train with friends from college
>friend talking about inverse functions
>"hurr durr if arcsin and arctan are inverse, so must be archangel XD lol"
>I said, quite ironically "only if angel is a trigoniometric function"
>mfw other friend (math undergrad) stands up and shakes my hand complimenting for the good joke

[Anonymous No.6152995]

>>6152936
It can always get worse.

>be in robotics class
>guy explaining how a specific robot he made works to the group I'm in
>while extending the antenna of the remote control says "my antenna is a bit long, don't be afraid"
Tip of the iceberg.

>mentions that the controls are really sensitive
>says you gotta touch them carefully, like touching a woman
But wait, there's more!

>describes the rubber protrusions on a gripper mechanism, meant to aid in grabbing shit
>tfw likens them to small titties
>nigga_what_are_you_doing.jpg
Still not done, this guy love you long time.

>talks about the camera mounted on the thing
>mentions that it has a special lens, which gives the robot pretty good night vision
>tfw he starts joking about how the camera could be used to spy on girls when it's dark out
>tfw keeps talking, yet makes reference to that joke again after 20 minutes (something about possibly making a business out of it)
>tfw it keeps happening
>FFS_I_am_embarrassed_on_you_behalf.tif

[Anonymous No.6153019]

Happy consecutive digits day

[Anonymous No.6153021]

>>6152995
Yeah, true, sometimes "dirty" jokes can be so prevedible and repetitive that they become dull and embarassing. It's like when everybody laugh if a drawing on the blackboard vaguely resembles a penis.

[Anonymous No.6153027]

>>6152995
we had "Who's gonna grind this beast?" on our whiteboard for months in our robotics lab.
I happened to be the one who "ground that beast"

[Anonymous No.6153030]

>>6149873
What should I learn about after differential equation? ("calc3") I think I should learn more linear algebra

[its not maeojubana No.6153052]

OP again.
Here is more sigma\sum joke fore all you pedants out there to complain about

(Σ(Anonymous)=1)/0=undefined

[Anonymous No.6153057]

>>6144033
keynes is not a classical economist. He was introduced during the great depression which up until then, America, used classical economics theory studied by Says.

[its not maeojubana No.6153064]

Question: if a grill is an engineer, does she suck dick?

[Anonymous No.6153077]

>>6149410
because physicists and mathematicians are mad they they drive buses and mop McDonald's bathrooms

[have a guess No.6153097]

>>6142436
>i ate sigma pie
wut. "sum pie" is complete bullshit. either its "sum product" or "sigma pie". mixing is nonsense.

[Anonymous No.6153100]

>>6153097 ----> >>6148532

your joke now.

[have a guess No.6153105]

>>6153100
theres still a sigma and a pi.

[Anonymous No.6153123]

>>6153097
pi is clearly lower case
<span class="math"> \sum \prod [/spoiler]
<span class="math"> \Sigma \pi [/spoiler]
<span class="math"> \Sigma \Pi [/spoiler]

[Anonymous No.6153125]

>>6153027
I'm going to go ahead and assume the device was a mechanized dildo.

All of this made me remember one time when I slipped up and unintentionally said something suggestive inappropriately.
If you're wondering how that happened, read this abbreviation of seconds out loud: secs.
>be looking at a plot
>looking at some time related shit
>for some reason that leaves my mouth
>couple of colleagues on my left start giggling like schoolgirls
>tfw female TA right next to my shoulder on the right, total silence
>keep calm and look forward as sudoku flashes through my minds eye. Don't want to know what's going on to the right at all.
Fuck my mouth. Even the damn captcha seems like it's trying to rub it in (pic related).

[Anonymous No.6153133]

>>6153123
in typesetting, maybe. handwriting, not "clearly".

[Anonymous No.6154094]

>>6144008
10/10

[Anonymous No.6154098]

>>6153133
the hook on the left isnt obvious?

[Anonymous No.6154192]

>>6153064
No, the guy engineers don't let her close.

[Anonymous No.6154700]

>>6153105
"sum of pie"

[Anonymous No.6155528]

[Anonymous No.6156160]

I can tell lebbit definitely browses this board.

Fuck off faggots.