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/sci/ - Science & Math

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6046170 No.6046170 [Reply] [Original]

Got any science relaed jokes or funny images?

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says "I'll have some H2O" the second says "I'll have some H2O too". The second chemist dies.

>> No.6046173

>>6046170
SCOMBRIDAE

>> No.6046201 [DELETED] 

Two engineers walk into a bar.

The first says I want to yiff your tailhole. The second meeps as hir shafts slowly extends from hir sheaths. Without a word the first engineer begins slowly squeezing hir six fluffy nipples. Already shi is beginning to knot.

>> No.6046238

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

>> No.6046241

>>6046170
Why have you removed the final panel of that comic?
Did the word "rape" upset your vagina?

>> No.6046245

>>6046201
>the fact that you are even familiar with this language

kill yourself please.

>> No.6046247

>>6046241
sci is SFW, you cant say FOOk, rOpO or vOgOOO here, better delete your post before you get banned.

>> No.6046263
File: 68 KB, 486x487, 2DI6z.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046263

>>6046241

>> No.6046285
File: 219 KB, 990x698, polysci.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046285

>> No.6046292
File: 68 KB, 600x260, 1341331534541.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046292

>> No.6046295
File: 293 KB, 744x1629, 1370415819581.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046295

>> No.6046296

>>6046295
>deepakChopratakesphysics.png

>> No.6046309

>>6046263
>reporter raping intensifies

>> No.6046327
File: 145 KB, 1329x201, gftopology.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046327

>> No.6046332
File: 87 KB, 661x953, scicomic.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046332

I miss Inurdaes and Josef

>> No.6046335
File: 132 KB, 999x614, lhopital.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046335

>> No.6046349

>>6046285

that can't be real

>> No.6046351
File: 244 KB, 718x1024, engineeringprocedure.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046351

>> No.6046358

some names of published math articles i got from sci 3 years ago:
>Hodge's general conjecture is false for trivial reasons
>You Could Have Invented Spectral Sequences
>Can one hear the shape of a drum?
>A minus sign that used to annoy me but now I know why it is there
>How not to prove the Poincare Conjecture
>Ramanujan's association with radicals in India
>Is the null-graph a pointless concept?
>Everybody knows what a Hopf algebra is
>On O_n
>Free rings and their relations
>Six standard deviations suffice.
>The importance of being straight
>The homotopy category is a homotopy category
>Division by three
>A Group of Order 8,315,553,613,086,720,000
>Holey Sheets
>On groups of order one.
>K-Theory and Reality
>The Joy of Sets.
>Applied Mathematics is Bad Mathematics

>> No.6046364
File: 67 KB, 1296x728, sheared sheep.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046364

>>6046349

>> No.6046370

>>6046358
A Dynamical Explanation of the Falling Cat Phenomenon
http://pentagono.uniandes.edu.co/~jarteaga/geosem/taller7/minicursoJK-Uniandes/robotic%20examples/kane.pdf

>> No.6046380

>>6046358
hue

>> No.6046406

>>6046285
>>6046364
people get paid to write stuff like that?

>> No.6046407

>>6046238
classic

>> No.6046424

>>6046406
Yes.
They get paid very well.
Is there something wrong with trying to make your writing more interesting?
Do you no longer feel like such an academic badass when your ultra hardcore super genius first-year undergraduate linear algebra book contains light hearted sentences?

>> No.6046451

>>6046407
I.. Don't get it

>> No.6046476
File: 909 KB, 1440x1340, introtowolfram.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046476

>> No.6046484
File: 933 KB, 240x135, pauli exclusion principle.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046484

>> No.6046512

Why does d(cabin)/cabin = houseboat?
It's log cabin +c!

>> No.6046519

Angewandte Chemie used to use clever titles for their ASAP articles.

>> No.6046523

>>6046519


Two's company: Fullerene bisadducts, including the bisadduct of [6,6]-phenyl-C61-butyric acid methyl ester (PCBM), indene-C60 bisadduct (ICBA), indene-C70 bisadduct, and hydronaphthyl-C60 bisadduct, showed up-shifted LUMO energy levels compared to PCBM and demonstrated significantly higher open-circuit voltages and higher power-conversion efficiencies of the polymer solar cells (PSCs) with P3HT as donor and the fullerene bisadduct as acceptor. [Focus Review]

>> No.6046525

>>6046519

also there was this one research group at Rice university that became famous for synthesizing big ass molecules that looked like stick figures when you drew them out with organic chemistry formalism line/wedge drawings.

They endlessly ridiculed those guys in the chemistry blogosphere (primarily on the Chem Blog and CBC)

>> No.6046534
File: 95 KB, 460x736, job-fails-monday-thru-friday-something-definitely-gets-lost-in-transit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046534

allowance dsthrou

>> No.6046578

Okay I have a question about microbiology and I feel like its such a stupid question that I shouldnt make a thread for it and might as well put it in the humor thread, ... is it safe to keep Gram stain slides? After lab I want to keep my slides since I have a microscope at home, do you think that would get me in trouble? Is this a silly question?

>> No.6046594

>>6046534

Why would an engineer design that?
Doesn't make any sense.

>> No.6046633

>>6046451
His wife is a HO, at least that's how I got it

>> No.6046640
File: 39 KB, 634x476, joker.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046640

let epsilon be less than zero

>> No.6046668

An infinte number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician asks for a beer, the second mathematician asks for half that, the third asks for half that, and so on.

The barman pulls two beers and says "hey, know your limits"

>> No.6046677

PROOF THAT ALL ODD NUMBERS ARE PRIME, by field

Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and 7 is prime. By induction, all the odd integers are prime.

Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is experimental error, 17 is prime, 19 is prime. The empirical evidence is overwhelming.

Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a good approximation, 11 is prime...

Architect: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the engineers will figure out how to make 9 prime, 11 is prime, ...

Lawyer: 3 is prime. That's our precedent case. And it's even backed up by 5 is prime, and 7 is prime…

Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime; uh, did you really need 9 to be prime? Because I could shift 2 more into this account and you'll have 11 which is prime, ...

Chemist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime... hey, let's publish!

Psychologist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is latently prime but repressing it, 11 is prime, ...

Quantum field theorist using renormalization: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is...uh, 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is...uh, 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime...

College Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime. The rest are left as an exercise for the student.

Computer Scientist: 10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime...

Economist: Assume 9 is prime...

English Major: 2 is prime, 3 is prime, 4 is prime...

Mythbusters: Some people think 4 is prime. We divide it by 2 and it doesn't explode! Therefore all odd numbers are prime. (What do you mean "one data point isn't enough?")

Keynesian Economist: Any quantity can be made prime by introducing more units of fiduciary media

Austrian Economist: Any number may be called "prime": it is entirely up to each person's subjective evaluation as to whether a number has been divided fairly.

>> No.6046682

>>6046677

Microbiologist: 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13 are all prime so I guess the problem with 9 is just contamination.

Zoologist: The hypothesis that all odd numbers greater than one are prime has stood up to scrutiny. Experimenters distributing clusters of bananas noted a statistically significant elevation in baboon fatalities when the number of bananas is 3, 5, or 7.

Meteorologist: 3 is clearly prime. If you add one, it becomes non-prime. If you add one again, it goes back to being prime. We predict that 7 and 9 will be prime.

Climatologist: Ancient mathematical records suggest that 3 was prime. Based on the clear trend of alternating between prime and non-prime, computer simulations extrapolate that 37,541 will be prime.

>> No.6046690

>>6046578
Do u mean physically bring the slides home, observe them, and take them back to where u got it from? If so, no. you could risk contaminating a lab.

>> No.6046701
File: 1.20 MB, 1536x2048, shocking_statistics.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046701

>>6046364
Oh gosh I had that in my Linear book as well.

I found this in my Electric Circuits book once. Not really funny but it was strange amongst the other questions.

>> No.6046715

What's yellow, linear, normed, and complete?

>> No.6046722

>>6046715
a stream of bat's piss in the night?

>> No.6046727
File: 51 KB, 504x586, 20100703.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046727

>>6046701
Maybe it was you who posted it?
I got it from here

>> No.6046740
File: 13 KB, 195x188, Grin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046740

>>6046335

>> No.6046760

What did the circle say to the other circle?

Spheres don't exist

>> No.6046815
File: 303 KB, 1394x1304, quantumicecream.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046815

>> No.6046819

>>6046815
I was expecting him to say.
To make ice cream you must first invent the universe

>> No.6046823

>>6046727
How is this different from heterosexual engineers?

>> No.6046825

>>6046823
They lack a woman to have sex with

>> No.6046827

>>6046823
BAZINGA!

>> No.6046837

>>6046819
only if making it from scratch.

>> No.6046843

>>6046837
I knew I was missing something.
I kept trying to add "homemade" but that didn't make sense

>> No.6046865
File: 198 KB, 612x1395, whatisitgoodfor.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046865

>> No.6046873

>>6046335
I don't get it.

>> No.6046912

>>6046594
The joke is that the engineer is as incompetent as everyone else involved in the project.

Which is true more often than not.

>> No.6046919

>>6046912
>It's part of the joke that the engineer...
My brain isn't firing on all cylinders today.

>> No.6046924
File: 9 KB, 189x304, 08LE3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6046924

>>6046335

>> No.6047022

>>6046873
>user makes math mistake on /sci/
>/sci/ loses their shit and one reports the post to the 4chan mods
>4chan mods are sitewide (there is no "/sci/ mod") so whichever one got it thinks /sci/ is a den of autists.

>> No.6047463

>>6046523
meh
probably would have been funnier if they made a reference to testicles

>> No.6047476

http://xkcd.com/327/
More puter related than sci but eh.

>> No.6047494

Old educational films are always funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2k9JwGpm1w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRL9IVvuNl8

>> No.6047537

>>6046865

My sides have reached escape velocity.

>> No.6047544

>>6046865
Did that really happen?

>> No.6047548

>>6046594

Because a physicist drew that diagram.

>> No.6047593

>>6046682
fucking prime-denier. dont you even care about the sets your grandchildren will inherit??

>> No.6047597

Bily was a chemists' son but Billy is no more.
What he thought was H20 was H2S04

>> No.6047622

>>6046332
This makes me feel good

>> No.6047631

>>6047597
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first says "I'll just have some H2O thanks"
The second one says "I'll have some H2O too"
The second one died.

>> No.6047689

>>6047631

why did the second one die?

it appears the bartender has neglected his duty of care, and would be liable for a criminal prosecution

>> No.6047694

>>6046484

10/10

>> No.6047719

>>6046682
>>6046677
Dude, there is such a thing as an appropriate rythm for a joke.

>> No.6047729

>>6047689

Where did the bartender even get H202 from?

>> No.6047737

>>6047729
Why would a bartender serve H2O2?

The second chemist was served water, and died of unrelated causes.

>> No.6047738

>>6046358
>Hodge's general conjecture is false for trivial reasons
>Can one hear the shape of a drum?
Both of these are important papers by Grothendieck and Kac respectively.

>> No.6047747

>>6047737

Technically, even if the bartender served a glass of water, he would still have served H2O2.

As long as the solution is in equilibrium, a small portion of H2O molecules will naturally form H2O2.

In order for the bartender NOT to serve H2O2, he'd have to isolate the glass of water in an anaerobic atmosphere.

>> No.6047748

>>6047544
Not so succinctly but basically yes.

http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/shepard-smith/index.html#/v/1773939298001/what-does-mars-rover-mission-hope-to-accomplish/?playlist_id=86928

>> No.6047760

>>6046865

wow

>> No.6047795

>>6046715
A bananach space?

>> No.6047815

>>6046633
His wife is a HO, his wife is negative (nags him all the time), the salicylic acids needs to be given to his wife because she always has a headache (when the professor want sex i presume), there are multiple interpretations ive heard of that joke.

>> No.6047824

>>6047748
So... no, not really.

The reporter is just trying to set the NASA guy up to deliver some good news about the potential benefits of the research. The NASA guy came unprepared, and flounders.

He could at least try and claim that the Mars rover is likely to lead to new flavors of Tang.

>> No.6047863

>>6047022
this is why moderation is shit

>> No.6047870
File: 1.54 MB, 1200x750, 1375822768134.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6047870

>> No.6047897

>>6046640
Fuck you!

>> No.6047933

>>6047494
What the fuck at the calcium one
>starts talking about jewish religion in "important notes section"

>> No.6047938

>>6047494
>calcic image misplacement
gotta watch
http://youtu.be/oRL9IVvuNl8?t=5m8s

>> No.6048053

>>6047938
>>6047494

Toppest of keks

>> No.6048091

>>6046364
hahaha

>> No.6048097

>>6046865
#rekt

>> No.6048137

>>6046351
This explains a lot, actually

>> No.6048950

>>6046285

Oh Wiley...

>> No.6048998

>>6046285

No fucking way. If this is real, it's the funniest shit I've seen in a while.

>> No.6049024

>>6046358

Top. Lel.

>> No.6049030
File: 19 KB, 250x315, lens16872591_1293357069dex.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6049030

>>6046238

WOOOWWW... I heard this joke when I was a kid and didn't get it until just now. Fuck!

Mind = blown

>> No.6049056
File: 121 KB, 973x795, troll-troll-face-l.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6049056

>>6046677

>Quantum field theorist using renormalization: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is...uh, 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is...uh, 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime...

ROFLMAO!!! This is dead on!

>> No.6049080

>>6046865

Told status:

[ ] NOT TOLD
[ ] TOLD
[x] FUCKING TOLD
[x] CASH4TOLD.COM
[x] KNIGHTS OF THE TOLD REPUBLIC
[x] TOLDERONE
[x] STONE TOLD STEVE AUSTIN
[x] CURE FOR THE COMMON TOLD
[x] BEN TOLDS
[x] THE 40 YEAR TOLD VIRGIN
[x] 007: TOLDENEYE
[x] TEXAS TOLD’EM
[x] AUSTIN POWERS IN TOLDMEMBER
[x] PTERODACTOLD
[x] TOLDTINO’S PIZZA ROLLS
[x] NO COUNTRY FOR TOLD MEN
[x] 24 CARAT TOLD
[x] ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAKTHE TOLD
[x] GOING ONCE… GOING TWICE… TOLD
[x] GARY TOLDMAN
[x] TOLD SPICE
[x] TOLD STONE CREAMERY
[x] BABY IT’S TOLD OUTSIDE
[x] POKEMON TOLD AND SILVER
[x] TOLD YELLER
[x] EL DORADO: THE LOST CITY OF TOLD
[x] TOLDPLAY
[x] THE TOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL
[x] DANNY DEVITOLD
[x] TOLDEN SUN
[x] FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLDS
[x] CAN’T TEACH A TOLD DOG NEW TRICKS
[x] I AIN’T SAYIN SHE A TOLD DIGGER
[x] TOLDING CHAIR
[x] TOLDIER OF FORTUNE
[x] THE TOLDEN COMPASS
[x] TOLDEN AXE
[x] TOLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM
[x ROCKIN TO THE TOLDIES
[x] BATTLETOLDS
[x] YE TOLDE PUB
[x] TOLDEN CAULFIELD
[x] THE TOLD MAN AND THE SEA
[x] TOLD MEDAL WINNER AT THE OLYMPICS
[x] ALL OF THE ABOVE

>> No.6049092

>>6046170
okay, so they are chemists ordering but how would the bartender know that since hes not a chemist so why would he get h2o2 for them???

>> No.6049127

>>6049080
you wrote status as both told and not told
the fuck is wrong with you

>> No.6049134

>>6046640
let epsilon be a large complex number

>> No.6049137
File: 98 KB, 500x400, 1379736709840.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6049137

what's the value of a contour integral around western europe?

zero, all the poles are in eastern europe.

>> No.6049158
File: 12 KB, 640x480, heisenberg-breaking-bad.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6049158

Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

>> No.6049694
File: 22 KB, 635x349, tableofelements.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6049694

>>6047494
I've learnt so much from this series.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8AdoR0ld9E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J9MRYJz9-4

>> No.6049776

>>6049137

have you ever been to the uk?

>> No.6049788
File: 60 KB, 646x348, 531-rubiks-cube.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6049788

>> No.6049792

>>6046238
Love that show.

>> No.6049808

>>6049137
Lol

>> No.6049846

>>6047815
definitely just his wife is a HO

>> No.6049849

>>6048950
>>6048998
political science being a joke and non science isnt a 4chan meme you know, im pretty sure its always just been a thing in general since they started calling it "political science"

>> No.6049851

>>6049092
the bartender used to be a chemist before he was cheated out of his work by his business partner and forced to take a job as a bartender to feed his family

>> No.6049866

>>6047494
These are parodies by the way

>> No.6049879
File: 1.37 MB, 2560x1920, physicspls.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
6049879

>>6046701
I found this one in a book

>> No.6050294

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5yPkxCLads

>> No.6050299 [DELETED] 

>>6047631
What do you do with a dead chemist?
[spoiler]barium