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/sci/ - Science & Math

File: 667 KB, 1180x805, 2013-05-29 22.44.31_20130529224714175.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

JOKES Anonymous Thu May 30 03:55:01 2013 No.5797020 [Reply] [Original]

Post all your math related jokes.

First person to post "all the good jokes argon, sodium funny lolol" wins a free NaOH enema.

But other science jokes are ok.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 03:59:01 2013 No.5797023 >>5797020 lotta groaners here http://www.workjoke.com/

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 04:23:59 2013 No.5797055 NaCl NaOH The base is under a salt.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 04:32:44 2013 No.5797063 >>5797055 But the base is a salt. Try NH4 next time.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 04:34:13 2013 No.5797066 pi are not square pi are round knuck knuck

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 04:40:29 2013 No.5797071 >>5797063 Oh no I'm dumb, too! I mean NH3.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 04:53:44 2013 No.5797084 >>5797020 how do i cube a pie?

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 05:40:43 2013 No.5797123 >>5797084 i 8 (ate) sum (some) pi (pie)

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 05:44:13 2013 No.5797135 >>5797134 Edit: H2O

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 05:44:28 2013 No.5797134 There was a clumsy chemist. He isn't here anymore. 'Cause what he thought was H20 Was H2SO4.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 05:52:58 2013 No.5797149 >we don't serve tachyons in here >a tachyon walks into a bar

Anonymous Thu May 30 06:04:28 2013 No.5797165

An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar. the first goes to the bar and asks for a pint of lager. The second asks for half a pint of lager. The third asks for a quarter pint. The bartender says "Wait a minute, I've heard this one before." and pours two pints.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:12:29 2013 No.5797174 A philosopher walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get you?" The philsopher responds "A real job."

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:19:29 2013 No.5797188 >>5797020 there are 16 types of people in the world those who understand hexadecimal and F the rest!

Anonymous Thu May 30 06:19:46 2013 No.5797189

So a mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are riding a train through the countryside. They pass a brown cow.
The engineer says: I guess the cows in this part of the country are brown.
The physicist says: Well, all we can really say is that one cow is brown.
The mathematician says: Actually, all we can really say is that one side of one cow is brown.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:24:44 2013 No.5797195 "Sorry, we don't serve drinks faster than the speed of light." A neutrino walks into a bar.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:25:58 2013 No.5797198 >>5797149 Heh.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:26:00 2013 No.5797200 What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin? >A natural log cabin plus sea! It's a terrible joke but it still makes me laugh whenever I hear it.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:30:43 2013 No.5797207 >>5797189 >engineers are dumb >physicists make sense >mathematicians make sense but are pedants that everybody hates

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:30:43 2013 No.5797208 >>5797200 I don't get the sea part

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:32:29 2013 No.5797211 >>5797208 c

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:32:44 2013 No.5797212 >>5797208 A log cabin by the sea.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 06:38:59 2013 No.5797218 >>5797149 Huehuehuehuehue

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 07:17:00 2013 No.5797253 wanna hear a joke about potassium? K.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 07:40:28 2013 No.5797270 these jokes are all horrible. but then again, you cunts aren't exactly supposed to be good comedians either.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 07:42:29 2013 No.5797271 >>5797020 What is green and homeomorphic to the open unit interval? The real lime

Anonymous Thu May 30 07:52:14 2013 No.5797285

How to prove that all odd numbers are prime, depending of your field:

Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and 7 is prime. By induction, all the odd integers are prime.

Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is experimental error, 17 is prime, 19 is prime. The empirical evidence is overwhelming.

Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a good approximation, 11 is prime...

Architect: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the engineers will figure out how to make 9 prime, 11 is prime, ...

Lawyer: 3 is prime. That's our precedent case. And it's even backed up by 5 is prime, and 7 is prime…

Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime; uh, did you really need 9 to be prime? Because I could shift 2 more into this account and you'll have 11 which is prime, ...

Chemist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime... hey, let's publish!

Psychologist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is latently prime but repressing it, 11 is prime, ...

Quantum field theorist using renormalization: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is...uh, 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is...uh, 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime...

College Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime. The rest are left as an exercise for the student.

Philosopher: Let p be any prime number larger than 2. Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd. QED.

Computer Scientist: 10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime...

Economist: Assume 9 is prime...

English Major: 2 is prime, 3 is prime, 4 is prime...

Mythbusters: Some people think 4 is prime. We divide it by 2 and it doesn't explode! Therefore all odd numbers are prime. (What do you mean "one data point isn't enough?")

Creationist: Only ungodly Darwinists believe One, that which is Unity, is not prime.

Anonymous Thu May 30 07:53:58 2013 No.5797288

>>5797285
Biologist (ethologist): The hypothesis that all odd numbers greater than one are prime has stood up to scrutiny. Experimenters distributing clusters of bananas noted a statistically significant elevation in baboon fatalities when the number of bananas is 3, 5, or 7.

Theologist: God, being omnipotent, can make any number prime if He so chooses.

Meteorologist: 3 is clearly prime. If you add one, it becomes non-prime. If you add one again, it goes back to being prime. We predict that 7 and 9 will be prime.

Climatologist: Ancient mathematical records suggest that 3 was prime. Based on the clear trend of alternating between prime and non-prime, computer simulations extrapolate that 37,541 will be prime.

New Ager: All odd numbers - such as the three eyes, the five fingers, the seven chakras, and the nine orifices - are inseparable from the primal unity.

Biologist (Microbiologist): 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13 are all prime so I guess the problem with 9 is just contamination.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 07:57:46 2013 No.5797295 >>5797285 Except induction isn't enough for a mathematical proof.

Anonymous Thu May 30 08:41:45 2013 No.5797346
File: 8 KB, 493x402, 1350687355434.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>5797020
The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity etc.). Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!" All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair.

The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear me?"
"No, I'am e to x", says the exponential self-confidently.
"Well" replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?"

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 08:43:29 2013 No.5797348 >>5797208 kill yourself. but first learn the FTC

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 09:01:44 2013 No.5797370 >>5797346 hah!

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 12:26:26 2013 No.5797653 >>5797253 No, fuck off, that joke is 2nd only to e=mc^2 in terms of pop-sci popularity

Anonymous Thu May 30 12:35:26 2013 No.5797666

Hey girl! I wish I was your Calculus homework because then I'd be hard, and you would do me on your desk.
Hey girl! I wish I knew your first derivative, so I could lie tangent to your curves.
Hey girl! I wish I knew your second derivative, so I could investigate your concavities.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 12:37:42 2013 No.5797673 >>5797189 I love this one. I was going to write it before I saw your post. captcha: muitatin baptism

Anonymous Thu May 30 12:42:26 2013 No.5797682

All my particle jokes:

"Sorry, we don't serve particles moving faster than the speed of light."
A neutrino walks into a bar.

A photon checks into a hotel. The receptionist asks if he has any luggage. "No, I'm travelling light."

A neutron walks into a pub, orders a drink from the proton behind the bar and reaches for his wallet.
"For you, there's no charge."
"You positive?"

"Sorry," says the vicar, "we don't allow Higgs Bosons in here."
"But without me, how can you have mass?"

Anonymous Thu May 30 12:52:42 2013 No.5797697

>>5797285
>>5797288
>College Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime. The rest are left as an exercise for the student.
>English Major: 2 is prime, 3 is prime, 4 is prime...
>Biologist (Microbiologist): 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13 are all prime so I guess the problem with 9 is just contamination.
Best ones.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 13:30:56 2013 No.5797754 >>5797285 >Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and 7 is prime. By induction, all the odd integers are prime. Should have been >Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, ...

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 13:34:12 2013 No.5797764 To cell biologists, multiply and divide are the same.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 13:36:28 2013 No.5797771 >>5797764 Mathematically speaking, dividing and multiplying real numbers is the same.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 13:54:26 2013 No.5797796 >>5797771 >mathematically speaking Thank you. I went my whole life thinking x/2 and x*2 were different.

Anonymous Thu May 30 13:56:26 2013 No.5797802

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That's terrible! What could be worse?
Doctor: I've been trying to call you since yesterday.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 13:58:27 2013 No.5797811 >>5797200 >>a boathouse. Why is that not the punch line?

Anonymous Thu May 30 14:03:56 2013 No.5797823

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are on a camping trip.

In the middle of the night, Holmes nudges Watson awake, and says, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars, my dear Holmes."

"And what do you infer from these stars?"

"Well, a number of things," he says, lighting his pipe:

Astronomically, I observe that there are millions of galaxies and billions of stars and planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I expect that the weather will be fine and clear.

Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and man, his creation, small and insignificant.

What about you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you fool. Someone has stolen our tent!"

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 16:30:26 2013 No.5798098 >>5797063 NaOH is not a salt...sodium hydroxide is an acid, commonly known as lye.

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 16:31:11 2013 No.5798101 >>5798098 base** oops lol

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 16:51:56 2013 No.5798144 >>5797823 >What about you, Holmes?" >"Watson, you fool. GOD IS DEAD!"

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 16:54:13 2013 No.5798149 >>5797195 >neutrinos >ftl pls go

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 16:58:42 2013 No.5798160 >>5797682 >"Sorry, we don't serve particles moving faster than the speed of light." >A neutrino walks into a bar. Again, ftl neutrinos? Bitch pls

>>	Anonymous Thu May 30 19:38:58 2013 No.5798502 >>5797063 The base is assault. no

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