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/sci/ - Science & Math

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5050516 No.5050516 [Reply] [Original]

ITT: Science and math jokes

I'll start

>I came from the beach one day and was so tan that I had periodic vertical asymptotes at 1/2 and 3/2 pi.

>> No.5050520

>>5050516
That's not funny.

>> No.5050529

>>5050520
Tell me a better one then.

>> No.5050531

2+2=7

HAHAHAHA
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

>> No.5050543

>>5050516

That's a really shitty joke. It just sounds incredibly forced.

>> No.5050555

>>5050543
How is it forced, it's a simple concept...
Really, you guys have no sense of humor. I bet you're the type of people that cringe at puns.

>> No.5050556

Two atoms are walking down the street. One of them says, "hold on, I think I lost an electron." The other responds, "are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm a newton per h2o, too" while an infinite number of mathematicians eat from a high pot and noose.

>> No.5050589

Leonard: Can I have a napkin.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, no!
Leonard: But you have a whole bunch of napkins.
Sheldon: Yes, I've moved to a four napkin system, lap, hands, face, and personal emergency. If you like, starting tomorrow, I'll add a guest napkin but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you today.
*Leonard grabs a napkin.*
Sheldon: Good luck, that's the face napkin.

>> No.5050588
File: 157 KB, 439x700, 2010-10-11-sunbather[1].png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050588

>>5050516

>> No.5050596

An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walk into a bar (ouch). One of the mathematicians then says, "the bar is now empty" and they begin to play hide and seek. The neutrino is then stopped by a police officer. Officer Heisenberg says, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "You're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

>> No.5050597

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer tears off his pants and proceeds to masturbate furiously until he cums all over the architect. Then he punches the artist in the face, squats over him and unleashes worm-infested diarrhoea all over him, before walking away calmly and hanging himself.

>> No.5050598
File: 244 KB, 718x1024, 1343568870891.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050598

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The engineer does not hear him because he is too busy sucking another engineer's dick in the lavatory.

>> No.5050599

>>5050597

Fucking architects.

>> No.5050600

>>5050516
Q: What is green and homeomorphic to the open unit interval?
A: The real lime.

Have a look at this OP

http://www.ams.org/notices/200501/fea-dundes.pdf

>> No.5050606
File: 8 KB, 194x260, 1319482179658.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050606

>>5050597
LOL

>> No.5050613

3 logicians walk into a bar. The barman asks "Would you all like a drink?". The first logician says "I don't know". The second logician says "I don't know." The third logician says "Yes".

>> No.5050615

>>5050600
"Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?
A: A lamb, duh!"

I lol'd. These are some mighty fine puns.

>> No.5050619

>>5050613

I don't get it

>> No.5050623
File: 38 KB, 526x300, 1339677892173.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050623

>>5050598
>mfw he has internet during a flight

>> No.5050624

>>5050619

If the first one didn't want a drink, he would have answered no. Since he answered I don't know that means he does want a drink. Same for the second one. Since they both answered I don't know, that means both of them want drinks, so if the third also wants a drink, he would answer yes.

>> No.5050625

A scientist, an engineer and a mathematician walk into the bar.

The scientist immediately throws himself at the nearest lone female, uses his best line and heads home with her.
The engineer takes his time, and chooses the most handsome man to spend the night.
The mathematician goes home alone, this night and every night until he is old and lonely, because seriously. Who would pick up a mathematician?

>> No.5050635

>>5050619
>can't into logic

All hope is lost.

>> No.5050642

>>5050625
Must be an applied mathematician.

>> No.5050646

>>5050625
Is there a joke here beyond "mathematicians are unattractive?"

If so, I'm not getting it.

>> No.5050648

>>5050646

Engineers are gay.

>> No.5050649

How do you tell if a mathematician is an extrovert?

He looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you.

>> No.5050653

>>5050648
Right, but I didn't get the mathematician part. I'm not trying to play dumb because I'm pissed off, I just feel like there might be more to the joke that I'm not getting.

>> No.5050673

>>5050653
No, I just saw a prof write this on a board one day. He got in trouble for it, but I figured if there's something to get you guys could tell me.
He may be a scitard

>> No.5050685

>>5050673
Actually now that I think on it, maybe he was saying that engineers are gay, but at least they aren't desperate or lonely.

>> No.5050769

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve found you!”
Newton says “No no, Einy. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”

>> No.5050776

>>5050649
>I wonder if she'd appreciate me telling him that the knot in her shoelaces isn't really a knot at all.

>> No.5050787
File: 40 KB, 450x583, Bassett-Hound-Puppies-For-Sale-4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050787

>>5050776
I really liked this post

>> No.5050793
File: 266 KB, 640x481, 1344799034935.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050793

>>5050600
Theorem: A cat has nine tails.
Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one more
tail than no cat. Therefore a cat has nine tails.

>> No.5050798

No matter how wasted e^x gets, he's still exactly the same when he drinks and derives!

>> No.5050811
File: 9 KB, 276x183, imgres.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050811

>>5050589

>> No.5050815

A biologist, a mathematician, and an engineer watch as a man and woman walk into a building. A few minutes later, The man and woman walk out with a child.

The biologist says "They reproduced". The mathematician says "Now if on of them goes back in, there will be zero people in the building". The engineer proceeds to rip open both the mathematician and biologists pants.
He then grabs both of their cocks, stroking them vigorously until they finish.

>> No.5050868

Julia is having trouble trouble in a complex analysis problem involving fractals. She is clearly angry and frustrated and rips up her homework. A student across the room sees this and yells "You Mandelbrot!?"

double play with words

>> No.5050883
File: 43 KB, 500x333, sine.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050883

>> No.5050887

>>5050531
this actually made me lol

>> No.5050904
File: 241 KB, 744x1358, METHINKS_IT_IS_LIKE_A_WEASEL.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5050904

A logician just got a baby.
He gets back to work, people congrats him.
- so... you have a kid?
- yes.
- so... it's a boy or a girl?
- yes.

>for classical logician only

>> No.5050911

an atom walks into a bar and says "hey guys! I've lost an electron"
the bartender says "dude, what are you gonna do?"
not bothered, the atom answers "meh, I'll surely find it, I'm possitive"

>> No.5050912

>>5050904
the pic is good

>> No.5050925

>>5050887
Same, I don't know why.

>> No.5050928

A neutrino walks into a bar..

..then walks out.

>> No.5050930

>>5050769
fuck you Newton.

>> No.5050933

pick up line:

"I don't know if you're in my range, but I'd sure like to take you back to my domain."

>> No.5050972

>>5050904
that logic joke at least I got.