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/sci/ - Science & Math

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4518034 No.4518034 [Reply] [Original]

ITT: Professor zingers

>Be day before a test in a 200-level Biology class
>Girl: "What's transcription?"
>Professor: "The last day to drop was a week ago."

>mfw

>> No.4518039

>"not everyone can go to med school"

>> No.4518038

>student tells female professor they suck
>"only on special occasions"

>> No.4518044

>implying the concept of transcription requires more than 30 seconds to fully comprehend

>> No.4518043

>Pakistani student: Professor, how do you...
>Professor: OI, PAKI SHIT, GET OUTTA ME WHOITE BRITIN YA WEE CUNT!

>> No.4518049

>taking gen chem two
>professor comes in to class to lecture on henderson hasselbach equation
>wearing a t shirt that says "not the brightest crayon in the box, are we?"

>> No.4518055
File: 42 KB, 300x466, 102770341.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4518055

>>4518044
yes, we all know you're brilliant, now will you sit down, or will I have to push you down and take your three pence?

>> No.4518079
File: 50 KB, 959x747, penis length.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4518079

>>4518044
>>4518044
The concept? no
The actual process? half-hour to an hour depending on what depth you need to memorize too.
>took a test on transcription today for bio class.

also, I have no zingers.

>> No.4518089
File: 120 KB, 700x530, kirksmirk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4518089

>First day of Physics II - Intro to Fields, Electricity and Magnetism
>Prof starts right in with introducing ideas of classical field theory, gravity, Maxwell's equation as a teaser of what's to come
>Girl in front row stares dumbfounded
>Raises hand
>"Uh... is this "Physics of Everyday Experiences"?
>Professor turns
>"Well, this is physics and will make it an experience every day
>Girl blushes, walks next door to the lecture hall

>> No.4518099

>>4518089
>Physics of Everyday Experiences
Sounds like a fun class.

>> No.4518110

>>4518099
Sounds like a class for non-science majors.
We have one on our campus called "Physics of the Arts"
I've heard it's interesting. My roommate took it and liked it well enough.

I, however, have to take calc. based physics. No time to waste on that.

>> No.4518112

my CompSci/Calc2(he does both) teacher is pretty funny but they're only "you had to be there" kinda things.

>> No.4518126

>>4518112
I know what you mean.
My ochem professor trolls us ALL the time.

>> No.4518140

>Regular analog clock in classroom.
>It stops randomly because it broke or someshit.
>Some girl says that the clock stopped moving
>The professor says, "Give it a second."

>> No.4518309

In Physics.
Professor going on a tangent explaining some of the implications of General Relativity. Getting into it. Interesting as shit.

Alan (a vocal pre-med): "Hey prof why do we have to learn this shit? Can you just focus on stuff that will be on the test?"

Professor: "Do you know why students like you belong in this class?"

Alan: "Why?"

Professor: "Because it keeps dumbasses like you out of medical school"

Rest of the class; OOOOH SHIIIIT.

>> No.4518312

>>4518309

"wil dis b on de test"

Fucking pre-meds man. Fucking pre-meds.

>> No.4518314

I have seen premeds lose their shit because they lost 1 point out of several hundred, talking about how they wont get into med school.

>> No.4518321

>>4518309
I never had the opportunity to have class with premeds.

So sad, I wish I could have seen some of their douchebaggery

>> No.4518335

not really a zinger but
>the prof
>"now if i were to just take a dump..."
>everyone starts giggling
"... of information"

>> No.4518358

>>4518309

A truly great professor would go ahead and put a section on relativity into the next test.

>> No.4518367

>>4518312
>"wil dis b on de test"
Why the FUCK is that the only thing anyone ever fucking asks.

>> No.4518369

>>4518367

Because they want to be as prepared as possible in order to score high marks on the test.

They may or may not actually be willing to learn the subject matter.

>> No.4518373

>>4518089
>physics of everyday experiences
sounds faggy

>> No.4518375
File: 13 KB, 180x191, 1262055482795.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4518375

>Physics of Everyday Experiences

And I bet people in that class say they study science

>> No.4520160

>Ukrainian mathematics professor showing some numerical method on his own personal laptop
>Folder named "Legends of Russian Rock" in his desktop

>> No.4521742

>>4518309

My fucking organic chem class is absolutely ruined by premeds who understand nothing, yet memorize the entire fucking book of reactions so they set the curve really high

But ask them to explain shit? "oh i dont know that's not on the test I just memorizied it"

fucking

fucking

premeds

>> No.4523538

>In calc, listening to roly poly awesome match prof working on proof
>Annoying Croatians who think they're king shit talking in back of class
>Gentle prof erupts "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHO YOU ARE YOU DON'T TALK IN MY CLASS"
>Everyone a smilin'

>> No.4523550

>>4520160
Your Ukrainian math prof is cool you should hang out with him.

>> No.4523560 [DELETED] 

>>4518309
>Physics
>A babby subject
>Hard

The only premeds that will find this hard are the premeds who will stop being "premed" after their first semester/year in college. Premeds are top 1% of every university

>> No.4523583

>>4523560

>Implying pre-meds aren't faggots who are drawn to high pay check

>Implying medical school doesn't revolve around memorization of text books

>Implying medicine isn't for people who suck ass at math and lack creativity

>> No.4523589 [DELETED] 

>>4523583
All of those implications are wrong

>> No.4523601

>>4523589

Prove it faggot

>> No.4523606 [DELETED] 

>>4523601
I'm living proof, faggot.

>> No.4523611

>>4523601
>>4523583
just ignore this poster.
Trust me he will get bored eventually and leave.

>> No.4523616 [DELETED] 
File: 70 KB, 450x333, lolfag.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4523616

>>4523611

>> No.4523619

>>4523606

>Implying you're not after a paycheck

>Implying all you're good at isn't memorization

>Implying you're creative or can do math

>> No.4523624

>>4518321

My physics I class was 50 people
~50% were phys/astro majors
~25% were engineers
~25% were pre-meds

By the end of the first semester we lost all the pre-meds, half the engineers, and a fourth of the phys/astro majors.

>> No.4523630

I hate how fun the non-science major courses are named. I had to take eukaryotic molecular cell biology as a sophomore, non-majors took: THE SECRET WORLD OF CELLS.

>> No.4523633 [DELETED] 

>>4523624
Yeah, ummm, we're going to need a citation for that claim. Cunt.


>>4523619
>Paycheck
There are better ways to make money
>Memorization
I'm pretty good at that but it's not all I'm good at
>creative/math
I've played guitar for 10+ years, I think that is creative enough. I have to be somewhat good at math for my major/minor

>> No.4523643

>>4523633
>There are better ways to make money

Please list some.

>> No.4523646

>Fist day of simester
>New class head is indroducing the sesion before the first lecture
>lecturer turns up 15 minutes late: "Am I in the right place at the right time?"
>Class head: "Well you're in the right place."


Also class head during student seminars.
> Leaving lecture room during 10 minute interval
> Class head who is grading people walks past us: "Time to get some ALCOHOL"

>> No.4523648

>>4523633

Memorization
>I'm pretty good at that but it's not all I'm good at

We're gonna need a citation for that cunt.

creative/math
>I've played guitar for 10+ years, I think that is creative enough. I have to be somewhat good at math for my major/minor

Yeah, we're gonna need a citation for that cunt.

>> No.4523651

>What do I need to pass this class?
>A miracle

>> No.4523659

Trolling by professors is just a sign of their dissatisfaction with their lives. If they're serious about their job and happy with their lives, they wouldn't do these petty, childish acts.

>> No.4523658 [DELETED] 

>>4523643
Plumber
Electrition
Engineering
Sperm donor
Porn star
Trust fund
Real estate

>> No.4523661 [DELETED] 

>>4523648
Yeah, sure buddy. As soon as you provide the citation for your bullshit story. You think anyone was actually going to believe that?
Fucking funny

>> No.4523662

>>4523633
Playing guitar doesn't make you creative. Writing good songs, for example, does.

>> No.4523664
File: 26 KB, 274x300, Nietzsche-274x300.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4523664

>be in philosophy class (ethics)
>talking about abortion
>girls says "herr duerrr abortion is wrong because god says so"
>professor pulls out mustache
>sticks it on to his face
>"god is dead"
>and continues the rest of the lecture with the mustache on

>next class
>I always bring my nietszche mustache in case someone says something about god

>> No.4523669 [DELETED] 

>>4523662
I have written many songs. Lyrics and all.

>> No.4523674

>>4523669
Just fuck off, nobody cares in this thead.

>> No.4523680 [DELETED] 

>>4523674
Lol you are so fucking jealous

>> No.4523677

>>4523664

you don't know what that phrase means

>> No.4523683

what's with all the hate?

>> No.4523682

>>4523677
It was a joke. He used it as a joke.
He has a Ph.D. in philosophy. I assume he knows what the phrase means.

>> No.4523689

>>4523682
>implying that actually happened

>> No.4523697

>>4523689
Its just as plausible as anything in this thread.
In fact, I find this more plausible than professors swearing at students and calling them dumbasses.

>> No.4523692

>>4523683
Everyone on /sci/ has aspergers

>> No.4523703

>>4523669
Most people I know who play guitar composed at least some songs. Only in extreme cases they don't suck horribly.

>> No.4523709

>>4523697
my professor routinely says "that's retarded" or "are you retarded?" if someone has a dumb answer to a question or does something stupid during the lab, but he's foreign so maybe he doesn't get that what he's saying is pretty fucking mean

>> No.4523727 [DELETED] 

>>4523703
Most of my songs are for my girl. It's not like I'm trying to get famous anytime soon.

>> No.4523731

>>4523661

a. I didn't post that story

b. Evidence is against you, I'm obviously not the only one who has run into the infinite amount of retarded pre-meds.

c. I'm a theoretical physicist, rockstar, and a billionaire. See, I can make claims about myself too without them being true.

Face it, you're a typical retarded pre-med who's only skills include memorization.

>> No.4523733

I feel bad for the girl in OP, couldn't the professor have signed a paper or something?

>> No.4523739

>>4523659

Agreed, making fun of someone who you're supposed to teach, especially since you're in the position of power (grades, etc.) is fucked up.

>> No.4523991

Lol.

I caught myself psyducking like OP's picture several times in this thread. I don't care if any of it's true - I hate girls/premeds!

:) thanks for making me laugh guys.

>> No.4524001
File: 111 KB, 500x820, 12770.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4524001

gtfo!

>> No.4524007

>>4523633
>I've played guitar for 10+ years, I think that is creative enough.

I've played piano for 10+ years, you dont need to be creative to play an instrument. All you need to do is put in the time to get songs into your muscle memory. If you are really good you learn to sight read quite well and dont have to rely on memorization. You have failed to show that you are creative and put forth evidence you are just another memorization fag.

>> No.4524015

>>4524007
How can I proof myself?

>> No.4524028
File: 15 KB, 320x238, 1332370891058.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4524028

>>4518034
>Biology

>> No.4524084

>Be in ethics class
>Prof is awesome hippie troll
>Discussing moral implications of abortion
>Girl using analogy of 'seeds drifting through the air, and taking root in your house, even though you have a screen door up' (pretty well known analogy)
>Prof makes trollface.jpg
>"You know, you can avoid this entire situation if you just keep the back door of your house wide open"

another
>static mechanics
>prof is stodgy old school mathematician
>covers all 4 boards with massive calculus proof
>class furiously copying every vector and number
>prof gets to end of proof
>"I just want you to know I'm severely disappointed. I intentionally wrote a single mistake into this proof, rendering it worthless, and not one of you brought it to my attention. You are all failures at life blah blah blah, and yes, it will be on the test."
>fucker

>> No.4524103

>>prof talking about how a binary operation on cosets must be checked for well-definedness
>>"so you have to make sure that you get the same result, so the choices don't matter
>>...like elections"
>>smirk

>> No.4524134

>>4524084
I had a math teacher that put in intentional mistakes all the time. During derivations he would often stop and say "right class?", people would agree with him but every so often after people agreed he would scream" NO WRONG"

>> No.4525407

>theory and practice in science class
>okay class, here's a graph of the levels of carbon-14 in the atmosphere
>big rise in the 60's, steady drop off ever since
>can anyone explain why?
>someone says industrial revolution
>prof has a smirk, trying not to laugh
>"no, you're wrong. good work for trying though. anyone else?"
>"world war II!"
>professor and class burst out laughing

>> No.4525428

>>4525407
But that's almost right.

>> No.4525430

>>4525428
I should explain. The first few were during WWII.

>> No.4525433

>>4525407
And would it have happened so rapidly, if not for WWII?

>> No.4525439

>>4518089
>>4518375

I have to do a "physics" class that sounds a bit like that (for some long, convoluted bullshit reason) instead of doing a proper physics class (even though I'm taking subjects like electrical/electronic engineering, etc). It's full of retard highschool kids that freak the fuck out over using equations like F=ma and mature age entry failures that can't figure out how to find angles in a right-angled triangle using SOH-CAH-TOA. It's only disappointing because the lecturer is bro as hell, really funny and excellent at explaining stuff- I wish I had him for a, you know, proper subject.

>> No.4525442

>>4523664
If that really happened, your professor deserves every bit of respect you can spare.

>> No.4525445

Whats up with all the green text post links ITT
The ones I cared to look at where incorrectly numbered

>> No.4525449

>>4525439
It pisses me off when I'm like F=ma is the same thing as F=p', and people get all freaked out like this is some stupidly huge revelation, especially when they're like "durr Newton was wrong" and I'm like, "not really, look, this is basically the same thing" and they're like "Oh my fucking god what is derivative I don't hurpy derpy poody roody doo." Get the fuck out.

You know?

>> No.4525454

>>4518321
Consider yourself lucky. I was a neuroscience major and unfortunately 99% of the students in my major were premeds (who, btw, were only majoring in neuroscience because "it looks better than biology to med schools, right?"...I wish I was trolling). In and out of class they would bitterly complain about having to learn science and how all they wanted to learn was medically relevant stuff. The professors knew this and in an attempt to keep their evaluation scores up would focus on medical stuff at the expense of the really interesting theoretical stuff.

Now I work as a lab tech in a med school's research department and I hear constant horror stories from the professors in the department about their students. For example, one professor was recently ranting about how a student submitted a regrade petition for her test, with one of her arguments being that one of the questions she got wrong should be stricken from the test because (and I'm quoting here)
>The question required you to know how to convert from meters to micrometers. We should not be expected to know such trivial and unimportant information. This is medical school, we should only be learning things that are important to our growth as physicians.

So, when you guys are getting a shot from a doctor next time, just remember that your doctor may very well not know how to convert from moles to micromoles and could very well be hitting you with a dose 10-1,000,000 times too concentrated.

>> No.4525455

>>4525449
I hated faggots like that in HS, but what I'm talking about are people that can't fucking rearrange equations like that and have a nervous breakdown if they're given that equation and, say, force and acceleration and told to find the mass or something. Like that level of retard.

>> No.4525458

>>4525454
I would have given a final with ONLY QUESTIONS ABOUT METRIC CONVERSIONS, just so that I could fail that one student.

>> No.4525459

>>4524134
My calculus professor was like that too. He put on this act of being this really rural southerner and would talk with a big southern drawl and routinely make intentional mistakes to see if people were paying attention. Not just math mistakes either, he would do shit like
>...because as we know the Earth rotates around the moon
and see how many people had a reaction.

>> No.4525462

>>4525455
Well, yeah, definitely. It's only one step higher or lower. I mean p = mv, so p' = m'v + mv' = m'v + ma, so if mass is constant, which WOULD be the Newtonian case, then p' = ma. That's only a marginal application of calculus, though, and if you can rote apply definitions you can see that's true, so really it's hardly better or worse than not being able to do m = F/a.

>> No.4525463

>>4525454
I believe it. Some people are going to have to learn metric conversions once they realize they injected someone with an extra place value of (insert highly addictive painkiller here)

>> No.4525465

>>4525459
If'n yer on the moon, it shore does. Ah mean, the orbit of t'moon 'round the Earth looks just like the Earth round t'moon.

>> No.4525467

>>4525463
Tell her that if she can't do metric conversions, she will be expected to have mastered English system conversions.

Then ask how many rods in a league.

>> No.4525468

My chem teacher is a short chinese lady, she can barely speak english and looks at you like you're retarded if you answer wrong. On top of that, I can empathize with a lot of you about pre-med students being utterly annoying. Non-stop asking about if this, that, or the other is on a test. The teacher finally said "I don't know, you'll have to wait and see." One of the old pre-med students walked out, clearly pissed because of this.

>> No.4525469

>>4525465
And the sad thing is I would have said that in the class, and then the professor would have been like, "well, yeah, I suppose, but then all the orbits are retarded" and I would have said something like "but it's not like they're not, just not as obviously so."

I may have had similar conversations with teachers. They must all hate me, lol.

>> No.4525472

>>4525468

Oh and another thing happened earlier today, a guy who is in pre-med (First year chem by the way, so everyone and their mother is in pre-med) was studying for his psych test and the teacher came around and asked for the answers to the questions she asked earlier and asked him what the hell he was doing, in that harsh chinese tone she has, and he said he needed to study for psych and she laughed so hard I thought something was wrong. Then came out something I did not expect....

>Psych is so easy, I could pass that in my sleep, what you need to do are these questions on the board because chemistry is much more important than something so easy like psychology... but don't tell your professor I said that, but seriously, that course is laughable.

>> No.4525474

I remember a class with premeds, where one of them went up to the TA with a different way to calculate standard deviation that took him up by a couple points on the midterm. I was right there next to the TA in the library when it happened. The TA caved and gave the guy points.

>> No.4525475

> Sleepy Mexican in modern physics.
> Sleepy Mexican falls asleep.
> Awesome prof. whips a marker at his head.
> Lulz were had by all. Except the sleepy Mexican.

>> No.4525476
File: 512 KB, 560x580, 1315372668677.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4525476

>>4525474
Hey man. That premed was playing to win, and he won that game.

>> No.4525482

>>4525472
To be fair I've had some psych classes that were harder than gen chem.

>> No.4525483

>>4518309
what a bullshit story

I've heard a lot of stupid shit in my undergraduate time, but pre-meds won't ever say something like "why do we have to learn this"

This is really typical though >>4525474

>> No.4525495
File: 145 KB, 700x1051, professor_badass1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4525495

>>4518034
First lab of second year electrical physics. The instructions are to draw lines of various lengths with graphite pencils, plot the resistance vs length, and calculate the resistivity.

Everyone starts laughing about how easy this shit is going to be. We know from the textbook that our graph should be linear, but when we measure the resistances of the lines our results are all over the fucking place. A 10cm line is 700 ohms, an 11cm line is 412 ohms, a 13 cm line is 3091 ohms, etc.

Most people decide to make up answers so they can draw a nice linear graph. They think that's what the prof wants to see , so they will lose marks otherwise.

Prof hands back the labs. Everyone with a nice linear graph gets a zero, people with shitty looking data get full marks. "If anyone thinks I may have made a marking mistake please see me in my office after class". Everyone who showed up to his office got royally chewed out for being a dishonest piece of shit. He knew the experiment would produce chaotic results. He was testing our integrity.

>> No.4525523
File: 11 KB, 243x279, 1188135603865.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4525523

>L2 course on cardiovascular and renal internal medicine
>Visiting lecturer (MD, PhD. and senior government advisor on emergency cardiovascular medicine):
>"It has been standard procedure to administer 1mg IV adrenaline every 3-5mins during resuscitation. HOWEVER, recent statistics have shown that it has had little to no effect on the outcome.
>What is more contradictory is that an injection of ADH actually increases the rate of survival.
>This a fundamental shift from previous thinking in this area and you must be able carry this out in the field.
>However, always check before injection that the patient is not a lawyer.
>Lecture hall erupts in laughter.