/sci/ - Science & Math

[Anonymous No.4103786]

>get up early at 1130 AM on a summer tuesday
>decide that I will grace the muggles with my superior presence and check movie times on my samsung galaxy tablet (>using a computer >2011)
>sigh and decide that I suppose In Time is worthy of my superior intellect
>put my shirt with a picture of a christian crossed crossed out on (i'm an atheist u mad?)
>tell my mother I suppose she is allowed to drive me to the movies
>get to the theater and walk in, and every hair on my body stands up as I am struck with mortal terror of all the other people inside
>"th...they are just stupid sheeple" i mutter to reassure myself
>I slowly shuffle into the line without lifting my feet so nobody looks at me
>I am in line and shaking but thankfully my trenchcoat is preventing anyone from seeing
>some fucking kid behind me sneezes, then his mom says "oh god bless you!"
>the chance of someone possibly having a different belief than me gives me a burst of courage and adrenaline rush and I turn around (but don't make eye contact) and say "HAHAHA OH WOW YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? WHAT ARE YOU SOME STUPID BABY? THIS IS WHAT IGNORANT CHRISTIAN ADULT-CHILDREN ACTUALLY BELIEVE"
>the adrenaline wears off in seconds and I suddenly realize that my My Little Pony Pinkie Pie wig and oddly small anime tophat combo fell of my hand when I spun around, revealing my large bald spot
>people are looking me after my outburst so I try to create a diversion
>I forced a shit out into my underwear and then scream "OH MY GOD this kid here just shit his pants everyone look at him!"
>realize I am only wearing grey sweatpants so the turd rolls down my leg inside my pant and out by my shoe
>I start sweating feverishly which multiplies the smell
>realize it's my turn and say to the guy there "uh heh hu-hey i uh yeah, maybe ill get uuh i will have a ticket to In Time hehe..."

[Anonymous No.4103787]

>>4103786
>I reach into the coin pouch that is attached to my sash and realize i put spaghetti there, so I quickly give him the soggy money and walk away briskly
>everyone laughs at me more through this and I put my wig on backwards again to cover my face when I cry
>I can't see so I use echo location to find my way to my theater and occasionally yell out "BRIK BEEECK BURK BURK DUKAW" and eventually get inside
>it's dark so it is safe to show my face
>Find a seat in the very front next to a guy in the wheelchair who seems like he would be the most likely to be incapable of conversation or interaction
>ready for a well-deserved snack, I put my terminator claw hand on and use it to reach into my spaghetti stash on my utility belt
>awkwardly try to be funny and make a joke and say "heh sure is good to have a prosthetic hand, as they say!"
>realize he has no arms
>I gasp for air but can't breathe because I'm embarased and finally manage to cover up my joke with my echolocation noises
>it isn't worked so I run out, disguise myself as a mafia hitman and run back in
>threaten to kill him if he tills, and he just looks at me blankly like a smug faggot
>staying in character I push his wheelchair into the emergency exist and he flies through the doors.
>everyone starts telling me im a dick so I run out again and come back in doing the crabwalk pretending to be the guy in the wheelchair, so I occasionally make retard noises.
>fat black women walks in and thinks im a chair so she sits on me
>every time she lets out a laugh during a movie, which I calculated to be on average every 38 seconds, she also farts
>I eventually die from this
>go to heaven
>see god there
>remember my atheist training and say "Lol wow, you think you're GOD? Cool story bro. >implying god exists"
>he loots at saint peter and smiles and a trap door in the clouds opens up and I fall back to earth
>I missed the movie
>call my mom and go home

[Anonymous No.4103819]

>mfw this story

[Anonymous No.4103856]

>mother_of_god.jpg

[Anonymous No.4103878]

Alternative version of copypasta.

Well, it's better than the same thing.

[Anonymous No.4103883]

with panache and style