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/sci/ - Science & Math

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4094195 No.4094195 [Reply] [Original]

ITT: Nerd jokes.

The bartender says: "We don't serve your kind here."
A neutrino walks through a bar.

>> No.4094221

A mathematician, a physicist, a chemist, a biologist, a computer scientist, a philosopher and an engineer have been asked the following question: "Are all odd numbers prime?"

The mathematician says: "9 isn't."
The physicist says: "Well 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, let's disregard 9 as an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, well yes, they're all prime."
The chemist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... yes, they're all prime."
The biologist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime so yes, they're all prime."
The computer scientist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime..."
The philosopher says: "No because 2 is even and prime."
The engineer says: "I love cocks."

>> No.4094243

>>4094221

can you explain every part of that joke?

>> No.4094246

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are sitting on a bench. They happen to observe a small house on the other side of the street. At one point, they see 2 people going in, and much later, 3 people come out. They wonder why.

The physicist says: "There must have been an error on our initial measurement."
The biologist says: "No, they just reproduced."
The mathematician says: "I don't see the problem. If one more person goes in, the house will simply be empty."

>> No.4094248

How do gays reproduce?
Phagocytosis.

trololo

>> No.4094251

>If one more person goes in, the house will simply be empty.
I lol'd

>> No.4094252

What game was that again?

>> No.4094258
File: 32 KB, 400x400, tumblr_lt8j9dXL871qdsjb2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4094258

>>4094246

>> No.4094260

>>4094252

looks like some Age of Empires

I'd say 2 or 3

>> No.4094261

>>4094252
looks like age of empires

>> No.4094265

Improved version of OP's:

'for you, no charge'

A neutrino walks into a bar.

>> No.4094266

A heterosexual majors in engineering...

>> No.4094267

>>4094221
lol

>> No.4094268

Particle accelerators totally give me a hadron.

>> No.4094269

A mathematician, a chemist and a physicist are staying at a hotel. They get together in the main hall until the mathematician gets tired and goes to his room. Not long after, the other two go to their room. On their way, they witness a trash on fire near a bucket of water. They hastily put it out to avoid a fire.

When they talk to the mathematician about the incident, he replies he had seen the fire. When they ask him why he didn't put it out, he says:

"I saw the fire, I saw the bucket of water. The solution was trivial."

>> No.4094275

>>4094269
I fucking lol'd

>> No.4094277

What's the one question a philosophy student will ask the most often in his life?

"Plastic or paper?"

>> No.4094282

What's commutative and purple?

An abelian grape.

>> No.4094287

>>4094252
0.A.D
http://wildfiregames.com/0ad

>> No.4094290

A party of people travel in a hot-air balloon. The balloon is blown out to sea, and after many days, land comes into sight again. When floating over the coastline, they see a man walking along a path. One of them shouts: 'Hello! Where exactly are we?'

The wanderer looks up, scratches his head, and thinks for some time. Then he shouts: 'You're in the gondola of a hot-air balloon!'

That must have been a mathematician. Because:
1) He thought a long time before giving an answer.
2) The answer is absolutely correct.
3) The answer is absolutely useless.

>> No.4094302

>>4094290
ALL OF THE ABOVE

>> No.4094308

A sociologist, a biologist and a mathematician are on a train. The train goes through the border of Sweden and the first thing they see outside the window is a blue cow.

The sociologist says: "How interesting. Cows are blue in Sweden."
The biologist retorts: "What? All we know is that at least one cow is blue in Sweden."
The mathematician shakes his head and says: "Of course not. All we know is that, in Sweden, there is at least one cow with at least one side of which is blue."

>> No.4094317

>>4094308
mathematician master race

>> No.4094319

A philosopher is traveling through a forest. He needs to cross a bridge.

The entrance of the bridge is occupied by some stoners who reek of weed. Upon attempting to cross, the stoners block the bridge and say "you can't get past!, to which the philosopher replies with "but can you get the future?".

>> No.4094332

>>4094308
...and the physicist says, "All we know is that our brains are interpreting what's in front of us to be a blue cow"

>> No.4094333
File: 8 KB, 296x337, unsure_barney.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4094333

I know some more, but they're French puns unfortunately.

>> No.4094344

>>4094332
Physicist Master Race.

>> No.4094345

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were given the following simple task:

Given a length L of fence, build a pen that encloses the maximum area.

The physicist knew the well-known result of calculus of variations that a circle maximizes the area, so he set up a circular pen.

The engineer was conscious of all the production costs, including R&D time, so he didn't bother with the math and simply set up a square pen.

The mathematician wrapped the fence tightly around himself, and said "I define myself to be on the outside".

>> No.4094357

>>4094345
mathematicians :1
every other easy science: 0

>> No.4094363

>>4094332
You mean the psychologist right?

Because it's their brains doing the processing and the language determines it's called "blue".

What if brains can misinterpret wavelengths? Colourblindedness anyone?

>> No.4094365

ITT: reposts

2 bears fall into water. One falls into a lake, the other into Arctic Sea. Which one dissolves faster?
The latter - it is polar.

Helium flies into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve nobility".
Helium does not react.

6 millions of Jews died during WW2

>> No.4094374

>>4094365
>6 millions of jews died during the holocaust

LOL. Next thing they'll say is they don't own the world.

>> No.4094385

>>4094363
Physicists don't concern themselves with assumptions and whatnot? I wouldn't know.

>> No.4094396

>>4094333
post'em

>> No.4094409

My friend asked me if I had any Sodium Bromium Oxide.
I said Na, BrO

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Why don't mathematicians go to the beach?
Because they can divide sin and cos to get a tan

Why are Helium, Barium and Curium known as the medical elements?
Because if you can't Helium or Curium you Barium.

How much did the mitochondria cost?
80p

They're all terrible, I know

>> No.4094415

A chemistry walks into a bar and thinks he'll be a bit clever. He asks the barman for some H2O.
He chemist friend, not wanting to be shown up, say to the barman: "I'll have some H2O too."

He died.

>> No.4094417

>>4094409
lol I love you

>> No.4094420
File: 73 KB, 616x367, 1268574157276.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4094420

>>4094415
A chemist lol, not a chemistry.

Also:

Johnny was a chemist's son
But Johnny is no more
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

Pic related is ultimate science joke anyway

>> No.4094425

>>4094417
Wow, really? Erm, thanks?

They make me think of the jokes on the back of penguin bars, tbh

>> No.4094431
File: 32 KB, 740x308, purity.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4094431

>>4094420
Lolno.

There is only one real science joke.

>> No.4094439

>>4094431
Yeah but math is just applied thinking using methods to evaluate the world.

So it's just applied philosophy.

>> No.4094446

>>4094396
Here's one:

On prouver que cheval = pi*oiseau

cheval
=(che*va)*l
=(va*che)*l
=vache*l.
=beta*pi*l (Car une vache est une bête à pie: beta*pi)
=pi*beta*l
=pi*oiseau (Car un oiseau est une bête à ailes: beta*l)

cheval = pi*oiseau. CQFD

>> No.4094447

>>4094431
>>4094439

Chemistry and Mathematics should be even, then Physics after them both.

>> No.4094449

>>4094431
>mathematician is female

>> No.4094452

>>4094439
>>4094431

>faggots, faggots, everywhere

They are both, quite simply, applied logic; logic in itself being applied set theory, and set theory being applied bullshit.

>> No.4094454

>>4094439
Not really
It's more applied logic than applied philosophy.

>> No.4094455

>>4094446
welp, that was underwhelming

>> No.4094457

>>4094452
You are a dumbass

>> No.4094459

>>4094449
>math is applied women's studies

>> No.4094466
File: 74 KB, 328x328, 1322435183329.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4094466

>>4094459

>> No.4094471

A polar bear walks into a bar.

"I'll have a gin..............................................................and tonic."

"Sure, but why the big PAWS?" (pause geddit?lolomg)

The bear was wearing a lab coat of some kind.

>> No.4094478

>>4094471
funniest post in this motherfucking thread

>> No.4094483

>>4094431
My physics teacher has this picture on the wall of his office, but with the mathematician cut out. He's such a bro.

>> No.4094497

>>4094483

a retard.
if he was to "promote" physics then he should have at least made a different pic to favor physicians, not take an existing one favoring mathematicians and change it.

>> No.4094513

A Pure Brownian Motion walks into a bar. He says "I'll have a glass of nothing!".
"Nothing?", the barman responds with a puzzled face.
"Of course! What did you expect?"

>> No.4094518

>>4094483

>physics professor
>keep vain, Internet image made by some teenager on a mac

I would never want to take a class with him

>> No.4094530

>>4094446
Le nombre i drague le nombre Pi : tu viens dans C ?

Qu'est-ce qui est complet et qui fait boin-boin ? Un Banach.

>> No.4094535

>>4094518

>made by a teenager
>implying Randall Munroe is a teenager

>> No.4094540
File: 8 KB, 580x277, Engineering jokes.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4094540

I caught my daughter playing with the electrical outlet, and she gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.

It take 9 months to bear a child, no matter how many women you assign to the job.

Top 10 reasons to Date and Engineer
They are used to all nighters
They are always willing to experiment
They know how to increase and decrease friction
They know all about heat transfer
They do it with more torque
Engineering couples have better moments
They know how to deal with stress and strain
They know how to test their rigid cantilevers
"Lubrication, friction, and wear" is a class
They design and build large erections

>> No.4094542

I recently had a conversation that went like this:

A: "3.14% of sailors are pi rates."

B: "When calculating the circumference of the Earth, do they use the formula 2π(arrrrrrrr)?"

A: "I think so. Pirates DO excel in the field of mathematics, as they are constantly searching for 'X'"

I thought it was funny

>> No.4094546

>>4094540
I remember, we spent a whole day trolling the arts department. It was glorious.

>> No.4094561

Constant: Oh no! Derivate is coming, he's gonna cancel me out!
e^(x): Don't be scared, he won't do anything to me!
Derivate: Hi, I'm d/dy

>> No.4094569

>>4094415
I chuckled

>> No.4094616

>>4094332
And the philosopher says "Anything from the cart gentlemen?".

>> No.4094617

The deliveries here suck.

The first joke should be-
Bartender: "We don't serve your kind here"
A tachion walks through a bar.

or

A neutrino walks into a bar.
Bartender: "We don't serve your kind here"
Neutrino: "Don't worry, just passing through".

>>4094265

And this dumbass doesn't know the difference between a neutron and a neutrino.

>> No.4094850

What did Euler find in the toilet?

Natural Log!

>> No.4094887

>>4094617
Neutrinos are also electrically neutral you dumbass.

>> No.4094914

>>4094617

>implying the neutrino jokes aren't based around the latest implicatio that they are in fact tachions
>implying you're not fucking retarded

>> No.4094919

semper ubi sub ubi

HEUEHEUEHUEHEUEHEUEHUfibswe
dasfjnsehnuehqwefq23
kj9sf

>> No.4094921

>>4094914
>>4094617

Surely you mean Tachyon?

>> No.4095093

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down a sidewalk,
one hydrogen atom says, "I believe I have lost an electron."
The other hydrogen atom says to the other, "are you sure?"
To which the one hydrogen atom responds, "yes, I am positive."

>> No.4095104

>>4094535
>implying that comic isn't like 7 years old
well, he might still not have been a teenager, but that one is ooooold

>> No.4095115

bartender says we don't serve your kind here a tachyon walks into a bar the game

>> No.4095124
File: 212 KB, 233x294, 1322863009803.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095124

>>4094497

>physicians

>> No.4095181

a mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar

they order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal

god my life sucks

>> No.4095204
File: 37 KB, 299x400, Pierre_de_Fermat.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095204

It is impossible to separate a cube into two cubes, or a fourth power into two fourth powers, or in general, any power higher than the second, into two like powers. I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

>> No.4095209

>>4095181

Bring a chemist next time...

>> No.4095241

>>4095204
That depends on where it sits in space and its metric quanta.

>> No.4095286

One Two Three Cat and Un Deux Trois Cat are in a swimming race. who wins?

One Two Three Cat, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq

>> No.4095289

>>4095286
They cater a sink?

>> No.4095296

>>4095204
its not a joke, its true

>> No.4095301

>>4095209
As an engineer who has seen organic chemists at parties, I can say that this is true. Chemists drink. ALOT!

>> No.4095530
File: 97 KB, 800x481, 1320209174428.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095530

bes math joke ever.
pic related

>> No.4095548
File: 5 KB, 251x251, 1308725979900.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095548

>>4095530
lol. Bill Cosby.
>Cosby
>Cos (b)

ahahahahahahahahaha

>> No.4095554

>>4095530
>best
lol must be babby's first high school

>> No.4095569

>>4095289
it's pronounced "un deux trois cat sank"

>> No.4095591

>>4094221
wat

>> No.4095595

>>4094243
Mathematician is normal.
Physicist thinks anything that doesn't match his theory is an experimental error.
Chemist can't into math.
Biologist can't into rigor.
Computer scientist has bugs.
Philosopher can't into formal logic.
Engineers are gay.

>> No.4095600

>>4094497
>if he was to "promote" physics then he should have at least made a different pic to favor physicians, not take an existing one favoring mathematicians and change it.
>physicians
Why are the "physicists" on this board such egotistical fuckwits?

>> No.4095602

>>4095600
What's wrong with physicians?

>> No.4095608

>>4095602
A physician is someone who practices medicine.

>> No.4095610
File: 25 KB, 429x297, 1322782291850.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095610

>>4095602

>> No.4095643

a phycisist patents a spacecraft
an engineer builds a spacecraft

the engineer is getting more credited and get loads of money

jakes on the phycisist

>> No.4095648

>>4095643
I don't think you know what a patent means, also a physicist wouldn't be involved in the design of a spacecraft, that's what AerospaceE's are for, rather they would be involved in discovering the principles behind spacecraft.

>> No.4095652

>>4095643
>A physicist patents a spacecraft
Tsiolkovsky never patented shit. Goddard may have had a degree in physics, but anyone who would call him a physicist is a fool.

>> No.4095675

>>4094221

An engineer, a physicist, a chemist, a biologist, a computer scientist, a philosopher and a mathematician have been asked the following question: "Are all odd numbers prime?"

The engineer says: "9 isn't."
The physicist says: "Well 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, let's disregard 9 as an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, well yes, they're all prime."
The chemist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime... yes, they're all prime."
The biologist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime so yes, they're all prime."
The computer scientist says: "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime..."
The philosopher says: "No because 2 is even and prime."
The mathematician says: "I'm a virgin."

fixd

>> No.4095690

>>4095675

> The philosopher
> Only one to make the fallcy

>> No.4095699

To get to the other side.

>> No.4095701

Why did the Tachyon cross the road?

>> No.4095702
File: 710 KB, 900x686, punchline1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095702

>> No.4095703
File: 712 KB, 900x686, punchline2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095703

>> No.4095705
File: 718 KB, 900x686, punchline4.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095705

>> No.4095706

>>4095705
What happened to punchline3.jpg?

>> No.4095707

>>4095690
>Implying hasty generalization is not a fallacy

>> No.4095709
File: 699 KB, 900x686, punchline3.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095709

>>4095706
3's already been told like five times in this thread

>> No.4095710

>>4095706
there is no punchline3, the images are numbered 2^x

>> No.4095725

a neutron walks into a bar
bartender says we dont serve your kind here
polar bear then dissolves
bartender doesnt react

>> No.4095757

>>4095675
That was a fucking joke, man. Why are you overreacting?

>> No.4095767

inside an integrated circuit, the positive supply voltage producing one gay hole carrier travels inside a reversed biased n-channel enhancement type metal oxide field effect transistor to mate with another hole, the current didnt flow due to the gay pair blocking the way causing a depletion region between the drain and source terminals

>> No.4095782

>>4094921
You got the spelling right. But I thought the original joke was being topical, given all the recent fuss about apparently ftl neutrinos

>> No.4095837

Newton, Pascal and Einstein plays hide and seek.
Einstein counts.
The Pascal hides in closet and Newton draws 1m x 1m square on ground and stand on it
Einstein: - I see you Newton!-
Newton: - I am not Newton, I am pascal"

>> No.4095838

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'

>> No.4095891

interstellar matter is a gas
how ionic
nuk nuk

>> No.4095900

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

>> No.4095915
File: 94 KB, 540x1289, science.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4095915

I find your lack of copypasta disturbing

>> No.4095925

>>4095837
>>4095837
Holy shit this was the lamest joke I've ever read but I can't stop laughing at it.

Well done.

>> No.4095934

>>4095702
almost 1MB for each pic, what the actual fuck.

>> No.4095938

>>4095837
I don't get it.

>> No.4095949

OP which rip off game of age of empires is that?

I've played AOE enough to know that that isn't it. Thought I haven't played AOE3 because it fucking sucked. They lost it.

>> No.4095960

>>4095938
Force/area =pressure

>> No.4095967

>>4095837
i laughed hard at this one, holy shit

>> No.4095975

>>4095960
Thanks, i couldn't get past the "how the fuck does that make him Blaise Pascal...", i didn't catch the pun.

>> No.4095976

>>4095949

Search "alpha VII: geronium" on google.

>> No.4095997

1. Sorry for my english

A physicist, chemist and a Computer scientist ttravel in a car when it sudenly stops and it refuses to start.

Th physicist says: I think the engine is malfuctioning, i told you guys those vibrations werent normal. We have fix that

The chemist says: I think is the petrol or the oil, we have to change it.

then the Computer scientist says: what ever it is, why dont we all get off, close the doors, open them again, get in an try to turned on again!?

>> No.4096022

>>4095093

EPIC.

>> No.4096043
File: 70 KB, 338x303, 1285952945341.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4096043

An atom walks into a bar
Bartender "Why the long face?"
Atom "I lost an electron"
Bartender "Are you sure?"
Atom "I'm positive"