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/sci/ - Science & Math

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3980032 No.3980032 [Reply] [Original]

/sci/, how do you get through the day?

In the face of overwhelming self-doubt, how do you carry on?
Is there a point at which you can stop and say you're content or at least feel alright with your current abilities, understanding, knowledge, place in the world?

For me, nothing is inviolate. I don't believe in the inherent x-ness of anything. Prevailing social dicta seem savage and primitive to me, and the existing knowledge that offers an escape from it all is either inadequate or beyond my comprehension.

I'm violently introspective, uncontrollably self-loathing, acutely critical of everyone and everything, and just not analytically smart enough to overcome it all with technical achievement. I try, and I'm told to relax, because science is supposed to be hard, but the thought of so many pitifully small, close-minded fools before me having mastered the thing I struggle to do with relative ease makes it so that I can never be reassured.

>> No.3980037

Welcome to /sci/

>> No.3980034

>>3980032

I'm the superfluous man - aware enough to realize the insignificance of my place in the scheme of things, but lacking the brainpower to do anything brilliant enough to serve as a palliative.

I see the height of human achievement as mediocre, yet know that the potential of my contributions peaks somewhere around "modest" compared to past achievements.

If you're anything like me, how do you live with yourself? I'm a short, morbidly obese, bipolar male with a terrible personality and modest skills that don't begin to justify the delusions of grandeur I feel between depressive episodes. I've been brought back from the dead twice, the second time after a full-blown police manhunt during a raging nighttime blizzard, and I've never done a thing to repay it. My expectations are unreasonable, my skills are sub-par, my self-worth is through the floor, and my faith is nonexistent.

>> No.3980049

>>3980034
>If you're anything like me, how do you live with yourself? I'm a short, morbidly obese, bipolar male with a terrible personality and modest skills that don't begin to justify the delusions of grandeur I feel between depressive episodes.
Hey, at least you know how to define yourself.

I don't even know how to describe myself, which just makes things all the more confusing.

>> No.3980077

>>3980049
I'd prefer confusion.

>> No.3980078

>>3980032
When faced with self-doubt I think of all the things I've accomplished which at one point seamed as impossible as my present task. If you've had an easy time with school all your life and are suddenly having to work hard you probably are feeling like something is suddenly wrong with you. Your only problem is being unaccustomed to real challenges.

>> No.3980124

Everything is subjective, nothing actually matters, so why should you care?

>> No.3980134

My advice is just stop thinking about shit like that by doing other stuff.

The mind needs constant stimulation. It needs to have problems to solve. If you don't present it with problems that can be solved it will create its own unsolvable problems to torment itself.

>> No.3980135

>In the face of overwhelming self-doubt, how do you carry on?
I don't doubt myself, and neither should you. Attitude is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

>Is there a point at which you can stop and say you're content or at least feel alright with your current abilities, understanding, knowledge, place in the world?
Usually, no. But for me at least, I can't spend all my time studying, because my brain would get too tired after a while. I started reading textbooks for fun, in the middle of a cosmology textbook haha. There's a link on the sticky to a site called bib.tiera.ru, great for finding free textbooks.

>I'm violently introspective, uncontrollably self-loathing, acutely critical of everyone and everything, and just not analytically smart enough to overcome it all with technical achievement. I try, and I'm told to relax, because science is supposed to be hard, but the thought of so many pitifully small, close-minded fools before me having mastered the thing I struggle to do with relative ease makes it so that I can never be reassured.
Science IS hard, that much is true. However, that doesn't mean you should relax. Learning science is difficult and requires significant dedication.

One thing I will say is that if you're going to learn science, you should do it for reasons other than trying to great. Personally, I find physics enjoyable because I like solving math puzzles and because I want to understand the world. I don't learn physics to be superior to other people.

>I'm a short, morbidly obese, bipolar male with a terrible personality and modest skills that don't begin to justify the delusions of grandeur I feel between depressive episodes.
I don't want to sound condescending but maybe you should exercise more. Not for the health reasons (though these are important too), but because it will give you more energy on a day-to-day basis. This might make it easier to learn new material.

>> No.3980141

>>3980078
I get that as part of the "science is hard" argument, but it's never been easy for me.

I grew up in a cult, didn't have any science or math in school until I got out and into public school in 7th grade. I tried to teach myself math, got through the first year of calc and got my 5 on the exam before leaving on an exchange in 12th grade, but none of it ever came without extreme frustration at every step.

I'm taking intro bio and chem as a college sophomore. One of my majors is supposed to be "biochemistry," which is just sort of laughable.

>> No.3980216
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3980216

>>3980141
Tell me more about this cult, if you don't mind.

>> No.3980241

>>3980134
I tried that this semester, convinced my new college to break their rule about not giving credit overloads to new transfers and signed up for a bunch of stuff. Double majoring in biochem and linguistics.

It's just terrible, though, absolutely terrible. I'm scraping by in everything with decent grades, but I feel completely dead inside. I was one of the ~100 transfers that didn't get housing assignments out of, I don't know, 30,000 students here, so I'm living in an empty house off-campus. I get up, take the bus to school, crash through the day, take the bus home. My sister lives a couple miles away, goes to the same school. I cut off all communication with her indefinitely about a year ago.

I started an academic club, but my shitty personality is preventing most people who'd join from showing up. I'm universally disliked as the obnoxious asshole who can't shut up in class. My now long-distance girlfriend is the only thing keeping up the pretense of a social existence, and I treat her like shit.

>> No.3980245

>>3980241
Forget what I said. Keeping your mind off things isn't what you need. What you need is an entire paradigm shift.

>> No.3980274

>>3980135
>Attitude is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

That's what the name is for, "pygmalion effect." But knowledge of that isn't enough to change it for me, same with my weight. I might die at 25, it's a totally real possibility. My back is entirely in knots, any contact with my bare skin causes searing pain. Things like playful poking might as well be stabbing.

I've just gotten accustomed to it, somehow. My weight is stable at a dangerous level and I'm young enough that my body hasn't completely given out yet. Until recently, the disorganized, bipolar, extremely busy combination made it so that I wasn't eating or drinking anything for days at a time, let alone exercising. I don't take care of my own basic needs. My parents, girlfriend, and the social worker who owns this house have to intervene.

It improves in cycles. Right now I have some food in the house and I slept more than a couple hours last night, but it doesn't last. There's no justification for living like I do, I'm just dysfunctional on elementary levels.

>> No.3980283

>>3980241
Bipolar disorder is extremely difficult to deal with. At least you're doing better than my cousins's boyfriend, who stormed into his girlfriend's sister's class to tell her "You'll be sorry!" during a manic episode.

I'm sure you're getting lots of help from psychiatrists already, but as far as I know, bipolar disorder can be dealt with, and help from professionals is the best way to do so.

>> No.3980293

Your going to die. You have nothing to lose. Happiness.

>> No.3980294

>>3980216
Evangelicals, not a hell of a lot to say. The pastor had healing hands, spoke directly to God, and so on and so forth. Every waking moment from pre-school until they were shut down by the state shaped my unabomber temperament.

I break out in nervous sweating everyday on public transportation. It's just hard-wired now, there's nothing I can do to stop it. I've also just started to get my pathological lying under control.

>> No.3980308

>>3980294 I break out in nervous sweating everyday on public transportation

I'm not a fan of public transportation either. Have you considered riding a bike? Its usually about the same speed as a bus. Exercise can help some mental problems.

>> No.3980338

>>3980283
I'm not sure I am doing better than that. Thugs have always avoided starting anything with me in the past, because it's obvious I have a death wish when I'm riled up. These white, middle class, simian college bros, though, they don't have the same instinct and they've never actually had the shit kicked out of them.

I'm losing my temper more easily all the time. When people make smart remarks about me, I humiliate them, even in class now. I'm fat and broken, but very strong, so if that sort of thing leads to physical violence, my blind pathological rage is going to do serious damage to myself and the other guy.

Current medications can't do anything more than they already have for me on that level. I'm just trying desperately not to completely lose it.

>> No.3980357
File: 40 KB, 453x340, 1318691113682.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3980357

Every time I see a picture of Galatea I instantly think of the game.

>> No.3980366

>>3980357
Fantastic game, wasn't it?

Didn't think anyone else on the planet had played it.

>> No.3980367

>>3980308
Bike season ended this weekend. Snow, regular ice, and black ice here probably until the spring. There aren't any bike paths or sidewalks outside of the town center or college campuses, either.

I rode my bike in shitty weather when I lived in Germany, but it's not really feasible here.

>> No.3980370

>>3980366

>think about cancer

>> No.3980372

lrn2transcend

captcha

xxvii (27) one of the secret numbers

>> No.3980376

>>3980077
No you fucking would not, not with a mind like yours.

Trust me.

>> No.3980379

>>3980370
...huh?

>> No.3980388

Or, you know, you could just stop being a prick.

I say this coming from a similar situation (I'm bipolar, though from the sound of it I don't have it nearly as bad as you, and I'm not the most popular guy around).

If you DO need someone to compare yourself to, to make you feel worthy, know that you're fighting a struggle against mental illness and that makes you better than the 'normal' people out there.

But don't say that to their faces, and if you want friends, remember that all social situations are ultimately pointless and ridiculous anyways, even this one. Just roll with it.

>> No.3980440

>>3980379

Type that in the prompt.

>> No.3980519

>>3980372
At the basic level, biochemical impulses almost always win out over some abstract sense of what is rational.

That's what depresses me a lot of the time - the success, or maybe productivity, of a rationalist perspective on life is contingent on mental competence. That includes capacities of advanced thought and enough biochemical normalcy to stand a chance of overriding irrational impulses when necessary. I don't see how anyone could possibly expect to overcome a deficiency of the second kind through sheer willpower.

>>3980376
I don't know what that's supposed to mean.

>>3980388
To think you're "better" than anyone else, what arrogance. In the end, it's what guides the vast majority of people through life, and it's such a pitifully small, baseless belief.

Even being self-loathing is preferable to that. I compare myself to other people only because it's unavoidable. Relative rankings are how we try to squash things down to the size of something a human brain could understand. Brains seem to operate on one main scale and adjust their inputs to fit within that scale.

>> No.3980526

>>3980519

But comparisons to other people just reinforce the negative self-worth for me, they don't cause it. I'm self-loathing in a vacuum.

I have trouble justifying even saying anything at all. I see asserting anything as complete, unqualified arrogance. For me, the most enlightened view on anything is not to form one, or at least not to express it. But enlightened isn't practical, I guess. So I say what I think and I try to be as internally consistent as I can about it, and that includes whatever social faux-pas might be necessary.

But people don't like consistency. They might support a cause, but unless they themselves are that guy, they're going to hate the guy who's always on about it, always willing to make a scene about it. Comfort and reassurances come before all else. And even if they are willing to put some abstract idea or value above their own comfort, it'll be because they think doing so reflects what is righteous, or increases their standing in the world.

The only winning move is not to play.

>> No.3980534

my life is pretty much absolute shit, i have no real friends anymore and just go to class, go on 4chan, play vidya and do drugs

the doing drugs and 4chan get me through the day really

>> No.3980545

>>3980032

whaddup Dr. Sheldon Cooper

>> No.3980570

>>3980545
The one episode I saw of that show was painfully lame to me.

>> No.3980576

I figure that the odds are, I'm only going to live once, so I may as well see it through while I have the chance.

>> No.3980580

"fuck, this feels depressing"
Me before sacrificing a lung and my liver for a better mood.

>> No.3980613

You are mediocre, this whole thing you do is a coping mechanism.

>> No.3980623

>>3980613
No shit? Welcome to the premise of the thread.

>> No.3980627

>>3980141
Look into the linguistic skills of feral children. Realize that what their upbringing did to their grammatical skills yours probably did to abstract reasoning. Enjoy suicide.

>> No.3980633

Realising your mediocrity doesnt make you less mediocre.

>> No.3980644

>>3980034
Because I have the will to survive.

>> No.3980649

OP, I can relate to your situation deeply. I won't give you advice but I will tell you what my experience is.

I am racked with ambivalence because I know that every position is contextual. I cultivated this kind of thinking for a long time, not sure why. I just couldn't help it. It makes it really hard to be sincere around people because every time they say something, I instantly know the ways in which it is wrong. I have serious self-worth issues, and I pretty much rest on the assumption that I am hideous and worthless and obnoxious. It paralyzes me socially, and I spend nights laying awake decimating myself.

I've been working really hard on expanding my view, and learning to value human life. Basically, I realized that being a human being is incredibly hard, and takes work and energy. Being a GOOD human is another thing entirely. The thought I always try to remind myself of is that everyone is fighting a gory battle in the dark, and slowly gaining ground. But, no one really knows what they're fighting towards, they just picked a direction (or had one picked for them) and began fighting. Really, there is no correct direction. In the eyes of the universe nothing matters, but we don't look at the world through the eyes of the universe. We just see it from our own eyes, and so we have to work with what we have.

>> No.3980654

>>3980649
I have the same delusions of grandeur between depressive episodes. Except, I think I have actually made a significant contribution to the understanding of the Neocortex. I work on the problem all day, every day. It is just another battle in the dark but I picked it and am sticking with it. Because really, the only thing that is enjoyable in life is making progress. I think that's why movies and such are enjoyable, it shows a person fighting a battle and making progress.

I've also tried to cultivate humility. It's hard, but I have to remind myself that intelligence alone does not really have much value. There is no law in the universe that says intelligence and analytic ability are the most valuable thing. In fact, i have begun to value interpersonal skills really highly, and respect people who have them. Even if they are not nearly as smart as I am. The problem with this thinking (and why most smart people don't pursue it) is that in this value system, I am a piece of trash. My interpersonal skills are horrible. My empathy is shallow and weak. My commitment to helping others is pathetic. But really, it's just another battle.

>> No.3980669

Why do smart people have social troubles? Is it really that complicated?

>> No.3980672

>>3980669
>Study
>Sleep
>Socialize

Pick two. You are now a smart person if you picked study and sleep.

>> No.3980673

A bit altruism, maybe? No man is an Island, etc...

>The results were showing that when the volunteers placed the interests of others before their own, the generosity activated a primitive part of the brain that usually lights up in response to food or sex. Altruism, the experiment suggested, was not a superior moral faculty that suppresses basic selfish urges but rather was basic to the brain, hard-wired and pleasurable.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/27/AR2007052701056_pf.html

>> No.3980675

>>3980673
Fucking hedonists

>> No.3980680

>>3980672
Depends what you mean by socialize.

>> No.3980686

>>3980680
Talking to other people besides your roommates and family. Showering and going outside for anything other than midterms and finals is also off limits

>> No.3980685

>>3980627
It's called the critical period hypothesis. You could've learned that in seconds on google.

Why do you stupid motherfuckers think you have anything whatsoever to say that'd make me more depressed? I don't presuppose that you're more capable than me, you do. I simply infer from your complete inability to grasp this concept that you're fucking retarded. Being insulted by a retard, not really the type of problem I've been talking about in this thread.

And why does the idea of inflicting depression on someone else cause you to think you're somehow in control of your miniscule existence anyway? Jesus fuck, how pathetic your sense of self must be.

This is what the sort of thing I'm talking about. The sheer stupidity of this anon, coupled with the knowledge that nothing I do will ever relieve him of his stupidity. His blissful, animalistic naivete will keep him from worrying too long about his stupidity, but I can see it and understand it. I just can't do anything about it.

>> No.3980689

Here's what sometimes helps me.

Think about any action you can take. Now think about the whole world, and how much any action you do will will possibly effect it over any amount of time. Now think about the solar system, galaxy...
If you can visualize how truly little anything you do matters, I think it could be quite liberating.

>> No.3980690

>>3980672

haha

It's not difficult studying, socialising and sleeping. I work, study, socialise and sleep. To be fair, I lose a lot of sleep, though.

>> No.3980701

>>3980685
Everything in your post is wrong. Except for me being dumb, of course. If endless regurgitation of interesting facts and concepts coupled with insults is not something you can handle, what are you doing here?

>> No.3980699

>>3980685
get into writing novels, or short stories... maybe you'll enjoy the process and or the results

>> No.3980712
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3980712

I understand what you're dealing with, OP. I too deal with social backwardness, bad health, and self-loathing.

Everyday I would only continue to question my worth, always on the verge of suicide. I would detest everyone around me, but saw nothing of merit in myself.

As odd as it may seem, I actually found peace and solace in religion. Islam actually helps me cope with this mental "ailment" that I have.

I won't sit here and preach to you (most people don't want to hear about it), but my faith gets me through the day. If you are interested, I can elaborate or you can look into it yourself (though judging from your history with religion, you might not be willing to).

>> No.3980728

>Prevailing social dicta seem savage and primitive to me
>violently introspective
>Science is supposed to be hard, but the thought of so many pitifully small, close-minded fools before me having mastered the thing
>aware enough to realize the insignificance of my place in the scheme of things
>I see the height of human achievement as mediocre
>My back is entirely in knots, any contact with my bare skin causes searing pain.
>unabomber temperament
>coupled with the knowledge that nothing I do will ever relieve him of his stupidity. His blissful, animalistic naivete will keep him from worrying too long about his stupidity, but I can see it and understand it.

HAHAHA

>> No.3980730

>>3980526
>I see asserting anything as complete, unqualified arrogance

Think of yourself as a bringer of lesser ignorance. Perfection is an unrealistic goal anyway. Surely, there are still insights to be made to improve the system though.

>But people don't like consistency...

How is this even relevant? It's the way YOU build YOUR life which counts. If people want to act this way, it is their own problem at the end of the day. True values should be held because you intrinsically agree with the principles, it's no excuse to say no one else does it therefore I shouldn't!

Another thing I've noticed, is despite your apparent hatred of "relative ranking" you are awfully quick to compartmentalize yourself and others based on rather abstract and somewhat arbitrary conceptions of what is "good" and "bad". Why is the underlying value system, rather than the end result so important?

Stop making excuses, you, like everyone else, have something to contribute. Sure, you may not revolutionize your field, but only a small proportion do. You owe it to the system which has made Western civilization what it is today to give it a go.

>> No.3980734

>>3980728
I really like the last one, since it's aimed at me and what I, according to him, will never experience just so happens to be one of my greater moodfuckers.

>> No.3980750

>>3980654
>progress

Aging is progress. Cancer is progress. What you're talking about, the things people choose to do with their lives, is more like shuffling around in a dark cavern looking for an exit that doesn't exist until they fall down and die.

That's your vice, that you allow yourself to belief in some sort of steady human progress. I don't, so the battle in the dark metaphor doesn't really help.

It's quantifiable. One really smart fucker comes along, sees that everyone around him is shit stupid, and changes the world. Most of those people, the sports who crop up every now and then, seem to live profoundly sad lives, if they decide to try to advance the state of human knowledge. Bunches of them have been killed, or were social pariahs in life, even within "intellectual" communities.

And if the guy's too smart, or can't force himself to deal with people, or just unlucky, he doesn't even get a footnote in history at all, because he never got that far. Think of what Carl Sagan called "our particular causality scheme," do you think for a second that its history reflects even a fraction of a fraction of the brilliance of its human constituents? Its 'geniuses' - they're just the ones we know about at this particular point in history, and none of them came anywhere near to their own optimal intellectual output.

>> No.3980762

>>3980032
>In the face of overwhelming self-doubt, how do you carry on?
For me, Religion.
For everyone else, I suggest drugs.
>>3980034
> I'm a short, morbidly obese,
DRUGS
>bipolar male
DRUUUGS
>with a terrible personality
D.R.U.G.S
>and modest skills that don't begin to justify the delusions of grandeur I feel between depressive episodes.
Once you start taking DRUGS that will solve itself.

>> No.3980770

>>3980689
It's the same limit of rational thought that I talked about having trouble with earlier. When it boils down to an arbitrary decision between two things, even between life and non-life, biology prevails. In most cases, the biological impulse is to push on. In some, though, it's not, and if you're facing one of the harder cases, no amount of reason is sufficient to get you through it.

So, for me in a highly depressive state, the reflecting on the universe stuff doesn't do any good.

>> No.3980772

>>3980770
Is there anything you actually want?

>> No.3980776

Pygmalion, realize the limits of your understanding and control, and deal with it.

>> No.3980782

>>3980772
He most likely WANTS to be appreciated and to not be alone.
But still, DRUGS. Get your hands on some Marijuana, some LSD, some Adderall and Lithium.
Your biology is hindering you from being able to get over your issues, so FIX YOUR BIOLOGY.

Oh, and on a related note, take multivitamins, fish oil, and some of the B vitamins twice a day at minimum, it does wonders even for normals.

>> No.3980787

>>3980782
So how'd someone with absolutely no contacts whatsoever get access to drugs? Not asking on his behalf.

>> No.3980796

>>3980685
Lol, you are a fucking idiot.
Keep flexing your intellectual muscles (that somehow fail to make you a functional member of society - oh, but that's just because everyone else is an idiot!).
I bet you tell yourself you have asperger as an excuse for being so useless uh?
Jesus christ, just... just do a favour to us all and leave.

>> No.3980804

>>3980338
Have you considered suicide?
I'm not even kidding.

>> No.3980803

>>3980787
What? No I don't have access to them.
Wish I did.
I just did my homework on some of them and found that, hey, these could be really damn useful to alter my brain functions into something more constructive!
The vitamins and such alone are a wonderful discovery that every American is lacking, which is part of the overall problem I say.
Also, turns out my dad used Adderall on me when I was little and it turned out so well that he took me off of it out of worry.

>>3980796
Where did he say he had aspergers?

>> No.3980812

>>3980803
Ever thought about trying to cook meth? I've heard it's simple, but also quite the fire hazard. I've started thinking about it since It's unlikely I'll get stimulants by any other means.

>> No.3980813

>>3980338
I passed your talk through my faggot/english translator
>>When people make smart remarks about me, I humiliate them, even in class now.
I treat any comment as offensive - I attempt to reply, but my self diagnosed asperger keeps me from succeding in it. But hey, a couple of days later a good comeback dawns into my mind.
>> I'm fat and broken, but very strong, so if that sort of thing leads to physical violence, my blind pathological rage is going to do serious damage to myself and the other guy.
I'm a fatass and people avoid confrontation because they are disgusted from the idea of touching me.
They keep provoking me because my pathetic rants amuse them. Once a guy actually showed to me he meant buisiness, but I showed him how superior I am by apologizing.
That should teach him not to fuck with me.

>> No.3980817

>>3980812
>meth
Mind reminding me what it is good for in terms of self-alteration of the body or mind?
I haven't doe much research on it.

>> No.3980819

>>3980338
You really have self destructive tendencies?
Bullshit.
You would not be here posting shit.

Go out, fuck whores, do drugs and beat the shit out of people.
Yes, you'll die in two-three weeks but at least you'll try living.

>> No.3980825

>>3980750
Have you considered ketamine (a kethole to be precise).
Recently experimentation in treating psychological diseases has restarted and I hear ket and dmt are very effective.

Either that or go to Vegas.

>> No.3980834

Look. I am a lot smarter then you. No offense. You need to stop constructing narratives based off of vague and unreliable intuitive sources. Balance your ability to generalize with an ability to look clearly at reality. It is so easy to convince yourself that you know what you are talking about. You don't. Everything you've said has been a simplification, dramatization, or confabulation. You're clearly intelligent, but you're also unaware of the possibilities. The fact that you still think technical achievement can overcome anything is revealing.

Learn true humility. To be clear, I do not mean self-deprecation. I do not mean a pretense of humility. I do not mean you should spout off humble platitudes. I mean you need to be courageous and honest about where you are. When you learn this then you can start on the path towards being content, and being intelligent.

>> No.3980829

OY, PYGMALION.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE.
I NEED THIS TO KNOW THE SOCIOECONIMIC DEMOGRAPH OF YOUR LOCAL AREA SO I CAN FIGURE OUT IF YOU ARE JUST SHITTY IN COMPARISON OR IF THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE SHITS.

>> No.3980832

>>3980817
From what I've heard it's much like any other kind of amphetamine. I think most of its reputation comes from it being relatively easy to make and so giving poor unhealthy junkies access to it. Obviously, they make quite a poor example, but I think a low dose would give a similar effect as to that of Adderall, without the slow release some pills have got going for them.

>> No.3980847

Pig, stop contemplating your navel.
Lose weight. Even if you don't care about it, do it and keep photos of the changement. It will give you a tangible sensation of improvement. Take up a hobby. Drawing, painting, pottery, anything creative - you don't strike me as the guy for meditation, but practical things should have the same effect for you.
Stop coming on 4chan.
At least for a while.

>> No.3980856

Apparently Meth is still used to treat ADHD and narcolepsy. Wikipedia says it crosses the blood-brain barrier easier than other stimulants and degrades slower. It also produces less peripheral effects than other when used at low doses.

However, the schizophrenic symptoms that comes with addiction seem absolutely terrifying, with nearly 20% of addicts getting amphetamine psychoses lasting over 6 months. Yeah, somehow I am not all that interested anymore.

>> No.3980860

>>3980834
>>3980834
>Smarter then you
Lold

>> No.3980864

>>3980812
Don't. You risk poisoning or burning yourself.
Plus, the market is already saturated and I have a hard time making it to the end of the month as it is.

>> No.3980869

>try to find the basis of things
>find things aren't justified
>find out the only thing I know is that there can be a sensation
>find out I can't justify that it's the only thing or this statement
>???

>> No.3980877

>>3980864
It's not the risks of production that gets to me, and I wouldn't try to sell the shit. I'm mostly curious. However, giving myself access to nearly unlimited amounts of the shit with my self control would not work. It's not something I'm seriously contemplating as I'd be very probable to end up in jail with severe burns and schizophrenia. But If I had self control and knowledge of chemistry it'd be an interesting experiment, since it doesn't seem that bad compared to other stimulants as long as you don't get addicted.

>> No.3980882

I find it somewhat disheartening that almost all people feel the need to arbitrarily decide what they can and cannot do, especially when it comes to intelligence.

I also find it disheartening that most people give up without even trying.

All the people who made progress on behalf of humanity had two things in common:

1) They were not clinically retarded;
2) they worked their asses off for years and years on end.

Can you figure out how to work a door handle? Congratulations, you now have what it takes to be the next Newton/Tesla/Einstein/Bohr/whoever the fuck you want.

>> No.3980885
File: 3 KB, 203x212, 1296595897099.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3980885

I learned to support it when it hits me and try to do something to distract from the pain.

When it hits me hard I just cry when I am alone in my room. Crying helps a lot and improves your self-esteem (/sci/entificially proved).

>> No.3980891

>>3980701
The point of the thread is not to be insulted by petulant shits. That's why, in this thread, your decision to volunteer "enjoy your suicide" is petty and small-minded. I can handle what is likely fact about my neurological development and I can handle people inflicting their stupidity on me unprovoked, to a certain degree. What bothers me here is the smugness with which you inflict your stupidity.

>>3980712
What you're saying is that you retreated from thought back to the comfort of ignorance.

>>3980728
Shooting spitballs from the back of the class is trivially easy. Submitting to mediocrity wasn't ever my goal.

>> No.3980902

>>3980804

Shut the fuck up, anon.

OP,

Try eating a small amout of magic mushrooms, perhaps half an 8th (1/16ounce). Go into it with a positive attitude on a sunny day, stay outdoors, and ride the wave. I might help you recognize what a rare treasure it is be a living being on a living world.

What you need is a sense of spirituality. A deep understanding that you are a part of something greater than yourself, your mind, and your ability to comprehend it. (I'm not talking about god)

Science tries to understand how things work but there's more to life than HOW. Think about the fact that things actually ARE. No amount of mathematics, theory, and computational power can create real dynamic matter.

You've downgraded existence by sorting everything into categories and then assuming that by labeling a category you understand its contents.

>> No.3980912

>>3980730
It's relevant because they stand in the way of everything. Case study:

My phonetics teacher started on acoustical analysis last week. She talked about the propagation of sound waves, pressure, etc., and we did homework on it. She doesn't understand the underlying causes of *any* of it. She's a phonetician, her job is to teach and research the production of sound in humans, and she's standing there making totally incorrect guesses or just basically saying "idk." She introduced Fourier analysis without knowing how it's done, even without knowing that the series of sinusoidal parts is an infinite one. A girl asked a question about the relationship between the amplitude of a complex waveform and the amplitudes of the sinusoidal components, and rather than saying she didn't know, she just made a 'logical guess.' I understood the theory from the electron level up, and the linguistics kids, most of whom don't know much of anything about physics or math, were completely confused by her non-answers. So I offered, quite sincerely, to give the right answer - she admitted her answer was a guess - and got shot down.

It's just fucking ridiculous. There's no such thing as partial humility. She only admitted any uncertainty at all because it's expected - in linguistics, the fact that current theories can't even begin to account for a good 90% of all natural language is undeniable, so the norm in the field is to take on an air of humility when talking about things that are in question. Just shows how insincere she was being, that she wouldn't let the right answer to a problem with a known solution come out.

Convenience, comfort over knowledge. In the end, I'm supposed to be the asshole for daring to offer a mathematically sound explanation, and everyone who doesn't happen to know the math behind the analysis comes away from the lecture with, "I have no fucking clue how it's supposed to work."

>> No.3980918

this is a good question. especially now i'm defending a project proposal and i got some pretty snarky grad students and professors criticising it. I barely convinced them i was good enough, and now i'm really in it for the long haul

>> No.3980919

By hoping that medicine will allow sex-changes and immortality in my lifetime.

>> No.3980938

>>3980912
>Teacher
>She
Pygmalion, THAT is your problem.
Sexism is scientifically proven, accept it, and stop respecting females more than males.

>> No.3980948

>>3980938
"If you set out to be liked, you must be prepared to compromise with anyone, about anything, at any time, and in the end of all things, you will have accomplished absolutely nothing."
>Which is why Women can never get anything done.

>> No.3981011

>>3980772
Yes,a way of feeling less shitty some of the time that'll work for me.

>>3980776
Dealing with it is the hard part for me. I haven't found a good method.

>>3980782
I have an Adderall prescription. I think it might be making the mood swings worse, but it might also be the stress from school. It definitely makes the transition period much more acute.

>>3980796
Did I blame society or claim to be autistic?

That crushing sensation when you realize it's not that I think the world is full of idiots, it's just that you're an idiot.

>>3980804
Not on a regular basis, but sometimes. First time I had to be brought back from the dead was after a moronic attempt, I guess I was 14? It would've worked without interference, but it was fucking stupid and impulsive. Gave myself seizures.

>>3980813
You think I'm one-dimensional and predictable, but do you realize how predictable you are?

It's always the same with threads where the OP is looking for help. If the thread persists for longer than a certain period considered acceptable by the retards of the board who didn't have the patience to read more than three sentences in a row earlier, they all come pouring in to rage at the OP, tell him how much he should kill himself and save everybody else the air, etc.

You're predictable with certainty, does that upset you?
What is this sensation you're feeling?
Could it be... no... is it anger?
Could it possibly be?
Is it really-
U mad?

>> No.3981068

>>3980825
Given the system I have to work with, psychotropic experimentation beyond the usual doesn't make sense.

>>3980834
The first sentence of your post contradicts the rest of it. You don't see a problem with preaching "true humility" after prefacing everything with a classic case of smartest-guy-in-the-room narcissism?

>>3980847
Music improves my mood, or at least releases some tension, and I don't completely suck at it. But I don't have time for it with all this school stuff. I don't have time to be in this thread, I should be cramming for a midterm right now.

>>3980882
Dogs can work doorknobs.

>>3980902
I get the message, but I can't just go out and get magic mushrooms.

>> No.3981071

>>3981011

You lack movement. I don't think there's a replacement for physical exercise. The body is meant to be worked, and when you work it, your brain rewards you with delicious chemicals.

>> No.3981141
File: 12 KB, 471x413, well that makes sense.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
3981141

>>3981011
>You're predictable with certainty, does that upset you?
>What is this sensation you're feeling?
>Could it be... no... is it anger?
>Could it possibly be?
>Is it really-
>U mad?

That was actually pretty good.

>> No.3981219

>>3981071
I don't get enough light, either.
Don't see what there is to do for physical exercise except... physical therapy, I guess.

>> No.3981780

After carefully reading the thread I have determined that you are not nearly as intelligent as you believe yourself to be.

>> No.3981799

>>3980032
>In the face of overwhelming self-doubt, how do you carry on?

That's a loaded question, no one carries on in the face of overwhelming anything, its _overwhelming_

OP you should get on the drugs, sounds to me like cocaine would do you a whole world of good.