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/sci/ - Science & Math

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2780010 No.2780010 [Reply] [Original]

an i has maths comics and jokes? :3

>> No.2780016

two electrons are walk into a bar. the first eelctron bumps into the other and said "i think i lost a electron' and the second electron says 'are you positive?" and the second electron says 'im positive.

>> No.2780021

>>2780016
I think you messed that one up a bit...

>> No.2780023

>>2780016

You fucked that way the fuck up.
First, it's atoms. Two atoms walk into a bar. How does it make any sense for an electron to lose an electron?
Second, when the first one asks, he says, "are you sure?"
to which the reply is, "I'm positive!"

Jesus fuck.

Also, I have some more. Let me find them...

>> No.2780028

>>2780023
Sorry my bad. i dont really understand about quantum mechanics I just know the joke and i tell it so people think i am smart. it goes way over my head tbh since i dont have a masters in qm.

>> No.2780036

>>2780028
I lold

>> No.2780040

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar,
The first orders a pint.
The second orders a half pint.
The third orders a quarter pint.
At this point, the barman stios and says "Hand on a minute." He then pours two pints.


A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist: "One of the two measurements wasn't very accurate."
The biologist: "They have reproduced".
The mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are
on a photo-safari in Africa. They drive out into the savannah in their
jeep, stop and scour the horizon with their binoculars.
The biologist: "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle:
a white zebra! It's fantastic! There are white zebras! We'll be famous!"
The statistician:
"It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra"
The mathematician:
"Actually, we know there exists a zebra which is white on one side"
The computer scientist:
"Oh no! A special case!"

>> No.2780042

The tachyon leaves the bar. The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." A tachyon walks into a bar.

>> No.2780047

>>2780028
>atoms and electrons
>quantum mechanics.
I C WAT U DID THER


Why did the bear dissolve in water?
Because it was a polar bear.

The math department's softball team went to their first game, but refused to play and had to forfeit.
They couldn't prove it was a field.

Why are physicists bad at sex?
Because when they have the position, they can't get the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position!

Why couldn't Heisenberg please his wife?
Because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he got the position, he couldn't get the momentum.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must be an Computer Programmer" says the balloonist. "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in Management". "I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

>> No.2780048

>>2780028
>atomic structure
>quantum mechanics
lol

>> No.2780050

Four engineers heading for a conference get on a train and sit around a table. They look across the aisle and see four mathematicians. They get talking, and it turns out they're heading for the same conference. One of the mathematicians interrupts, exclaiming "Oh shit, it's the guard, get moving gents!", at which point they all get up and run to the toilet and lock the door. The guard knocks on the door and says "Tickets please!", and a ticket emerges from under the door. The guard punches it and slides it back.

The mathematicians come back to the table and one of them tells the engineers "We've only got the one ticket between us." "Neat trick!" replies one of the engineers.

After the conference, the same group of engineers meet the same mathematicians. One of the engineers says "We've decided to try that trick, and we've only got the one ticket between us." The mathematicians say "We decided not to bother with a ticket this time. Crap, is that the guard?" The mathematicians run for one toilet, the engineers for the adjacent one. The engineers hear a knock at the door, and a voice saying "Tickets please!". They slide the ticket under the door, and a mathematician takes it.

(They took what the mathematicians knew, and applied it blindly. The mathematicians then derived a new method.)

>> No.2780056

Here's one from Brian Malow:

A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." The virus takes over the bartenders job and says, "Now you do."

>> No.2780063

these are horrible, srsly

>> No.2780087

>>2780063
>I don't get any of these jokes

Some of these are pretty clever if not funny. I'll probably tell my chem profesor one or two of these. Here's one I heard recently:

Two chemists walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" The first chemist says, "I'll take some H2O." The second chemist says, "Yeah, I'll take some H20 too." The second chemist died. (Alright, he didn't die, but it burned his throat/stomach and it hurt like fuck, you get the joke.)

>> No.2780093

>>2780050
...and then the engineers all had homosex in the bathroom stall.

>> No.2780123

>>2780087

Must have been a chemist bartender too!

I saved those up from every time there was a thread like this on /sci/.

>> No.2780138

ugh, i don't get any of these jokes. I should brush up on my math skills.

When i was in elementary school, my math teacher told me I was just average. Isn't that mean?

>> No.2780153

>>2780138
DOHOHOHOHOHO
I must say, I'm surpised I actually laughed at that, well played sir.

>> No.2780186

someone wants to prove that all odd numbers are prime. first he asks a mathematician. the mathematician says, "well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, so by mathematical induction, all odd numbers are prime."

he then asks a statistician, and he replies, "well, 1 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, so statistically, they appear to be prime"

he then asks an engineer. "well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime"

>> No.2780212

To get to the other side!

>> No.2780219

Why did the tachyon cross the road?

>> No.2780251

why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

to get to the same side.

>> No.2780306
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2780306

SMBC is always fun.

>> No.2780375

>>2780186
>>2780251

fukken lol'd

>> No.2780387

>>2780186
Another version:
The mathematician's proof: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest by induction.
The physicist's proof: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, (9, experimental error), 11 is prime,...
The engineer's proof: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is something you can build around,...
The computer scientist's proof: 3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime,...
The English major's proof: 1 is prime, 2 is prime, 3 is prime, 4 is prime,...

>> No.2780431

Q: What's an anagram for Banach-Tarsky?
A: Banach-Tarsky Banach-Tarsky

>> No.2780445

>>2780186

1 is prime?

>>2780387

Also, how do you prove that all odd numbers are prime by induction?