Conspiracy

[Anonymous No.2509184]

Ok, I’m posting this because it is the craziest, most hilarious conspiracy theory I have EVER heard. I’m an Ausfag btw.

I was in my backyard this morning when my neighbour came over and started talking to me.

"You hear how Howard did us in?” Apparently John Howards (former Australian PM) is in some kind of trouble atm because in 2007 he refused to get the insurance on government buildings renewed. (And now we're getting the shit kicked out of us by natural disasters).

My neighbour knows why the insurance wasn't renewed: it’s because of 2012, everything’s going to hell so why bother. And that was the start of me realising he was crazy…

So anyway apparently in 2012 the sun and the earth will align with the galactic centre, and a highly focused beam of energy will hit the earth. In 2001, the Australian army dug up an artefact somewhere outside Rockhampton (Australia). This artefact bent the earth’s magnetic field to protect us from these beams.

So the LHC is a counter measure it’s going to generate a magnetic field correction force to protect us because the artefact is too valuable it’s a UFO that captures souls!

Anyway, we gave this UFO to the Americans if all else fails they will suck up the souls of everyone and fly to a new earth.

AND why are the Japanese whaling? It’s because they want to build their own ship but they need to design a soul capture device so as whales are the biggest animals of earth they have the biggest souls which are easy to find

This is why Australia is opposed to whaling because we don't want the Japanese to succeed.

So anyway, this had me laughing for ages. Anyone got a better story?

[Anonymous No.2509194]

I personally like this theory, and want to subscribe to this mans news letter.

[Anonymous No.2509193]

crazy nutjob is crazy

[Anonymous No.2509199]

http://www.truthism.com/

Sounds not that bad till you get to the Anunnaki part

[Anonymous No.2509203]

TIME CUBE!

[Anonymous No.2509204]

I once heard someone say that Americans invaded Iraq to protect human rights and export democracy.

Hilarious, absolutely hilarious.

[Anonymous No.2509208]

>>2509204
What a nutjob.

[Anonymous No.2509209]

>>2509184

[Anonymous No.2509211]

>>2509204
the punch line was when they installed thier oil mining operations and only gave the natives `10% control over thier own resorce.

i lold

[Anonymous No.2509216]

>>2509211
Funfact: the other 90% goes to China.
Yes, Iraqi oil goes to China, not the US.

[Anonymous No.2509219]

>>2509216
where it gets refined into the materials used to make the iphones/other useless devices that america is so heavily addicted to consuming

buy, consume, dispose
buy, consume, dispose
buy, consume, dispose
buy, consume, dispose
the circle is complete. all hail capitalism. etc etc...

[Anonymous No.2509222]

>>2509219
i need my fridge magnets dammit and nobody else will make them!!

those damn taiwan fridge magnets just arent the same

[Anonymous No.2509232]

>ausfag thread

>devolves into conversation about how much America suxxx

There are no other people on this planet more obsessed with everything American than the Australians. They talk about America more often than Fox News rednecks.

It's fucking ridiculous.

[Anonymous No.2509235]

>>2509232
They're the only other country we know -.-

[Anonymous No.2509241]

>>2509232
ANYWAY. back to the topic at hand, anyone else been confronted by nutjobs like this guy?

[Anonymous No.2509242]

>>2509241
your girl gave me a nutjob

[Anonymous No.2509243]

>apparently in 2012 the sun and the earth will align with the galactic centre

Just want to say...this happens on December 12 every year. Nothing special. I know you're repeating someone else's conspiracy but yeah.

[Anonymous No.2509244]

>>2509242

That sounds painful.

[Anonymous No.2509245]

>>2509241
I once met a friend of my brothers who believed in a lot of crazy seeming conspiracies. He was a pretty cool guy and he thought:
-The Philadelphia test allowed americans to create inter-dimentional portals
-The US government found a UFO and recovered bodies and a chair from it
-The chair allowed for the creation of solid objects from the users mind

And a bunch of other stuff. He was actually a cool guy. But a little paranoid.

[Anonymous No.2509247]

>>2509244
not really she sucked mah balls for an hour and then i jizzed on her face.

[Anonymous No.2509250]

>>2509247
Really... whats her name then?

[Anonymous No.2509253]

>>2509250
Jizzface Jane

[Anonymous No.2509256]

>>2509253
Jizzface Jane ain't no name I ever heard of

[Anonymous No.2509258]

>>2509241
I used to work in a warehouse with this old man who railed against the Jews that controlled the company, saying they didn't want non-Jews like him to have anything. Which made me wonder (1) why did the company offer him a job, and (2) why did accept working for the company?

Oh well.

[Anonymous No.2509260]

>>2509184
your neighbour was right and you know it!

[Anonymous No.2509267]

why is this in /sci/ and not /x/?

[Anonymous No.2509300]

>>2509267
because /x/ is full of the very people who this thread is about... you know, the type who'd AGREE with this

[Anonymous No.2509315]

>>2509300

and yet...it has nothing to do with science or math.

[Anonymous No.2509323]

>>2509315
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SCIENCE OR MATH

UNLESS YOUR TALKING ABOUT THE KIND OF SCIENCE NEEDED TO MAKE A FUCKING CHAIR THAT COULD MAKE WHAT YOU THINK!!!

HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE!!!

20,000 cheese burgers here i come

[Anonymous No.2509329]

>>2509315
well it certainly cant go on /b/ 'cause thats full of retards

[Anonymous No.2509330]

>>2509323

meh...i'll give it to you...goodnight.

[Anonymous No.2509394]

If you want to see some crazy theories, OP, read this thread: http://abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread659314/pg1 it fucking killed me.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Arthur C. Clarke

[Anonymous No.2509439]

Smoke weed everyday.

[Anonymous No.2509471]

Here's a mashup of conspiracy crap I've been reading.

So God created Adam and Eve. (after Lilith failed). Lucifer, God's brightest angel, refused to bow down to mankind because he thinks he is the superior being.

For this, God banished Lucifer from paradise and he becomes the fallen one. Together with him, some other angels, follow him, cause they're bros.

The Fallen ones taught mankind magic, which was only suposed to be used by angels. Mankind used magic into their technoligy and long story short, the 2 super continents; Atlantis and Lemuria blew themselves up, which led to a reboot of civilization. They forgot about god. and led their lives.

The Fallen ones returned, (from their vacation on the heavenly body "Niburu" (Nephilim)) and they had their fun with the women on earth, which caused the births of the giants.

This caused god to act with the great flood.

After that Lucifer made reptilians who were disquised as humans. They became the first kings and queens / Faraoes on earth. (note: Ra in egyptian mytholigy = actually lucifer. (Illuminati symbol comes from this, piramids and shit))
The reptillians interbred with other human world leaders, untill today still. Bush and even Obama have the same family way back.

Other reptilians form the Illuminati from the shadows and control pretty much everything on earth, from hollywood to the music industry to the food you eat.

And as a side story, from a parallel universe, the "greys" come to visit this earth plane frequently. These are often discribed as the gray aliens with big black eyes.

They are actually humans from a paralel universe who have a far more advanced technoligy than we have, but they enginered themselves too much, geneticly so they need our genes.

Also, there's an Alien alliance called the galactig federation of light who wants to help us beat the evils of this world.

[Anonymous No.2509487]

>>2509471

I knew about the illuminati conspiracy, but I never realised that they had stretched it or combined it to include the origin of civilisation. It sounds like a fantasy novel.
A quite good one, now that I think about it. Sounds like something Robert Jordan would write.

[Fijn_ No.2509490]

>>2509471
wow.

[Anonymous No.2509534]

>>2509471

So now people got their hands on this information again some way or another, and the Illuminati is freaking out.

They are planning to implant all humans with RFID chips. This chip will function as an ID card, GPS, and even as your wallet. They want to know everything about you and this is a way they can see whatever you are doing.

Some believe that Niburu will come flying by again on 21th december 2012. This is being supported by the sudden media attention to the Star Betelgeuze who can go supernova any moment; saying it can be seen as a 2nd sun. This betelgeuze would be a cover story.

The Illuminati fear Humans so much because God gave them a gift. Will.

Willpower, when controlled and used by an awakened/ascended human can create a way to a conciousness comparable to God's.

Not that we can become Gods ourselfs. But we can shift through all possible dimensions and realities God could make.

Since God is supposed to be all-powerfull. every thinkable fantasy could become reality, and this can be accessed through Will.

Some believe the illuminati is trying to fight against the awakening of mankind.

They do this with various techniques:
-False media
-Geneticly altered food
-HAARP
-Mobile phone EMP contamination
-Certain mainstream music
-Keeping people amused with things that aren't really worth our attention. Keeping us dumbed down.

[Anonymous No.2509719]

>>2509534
it sounds like the best scientific story of all time

but you dont need a microchip in my to know everything about me.

i like burgers and girls and chocolate i hang out at the mall and my favorite band is naruto.

come at me bro