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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/sci/ - Science & Math

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2467877 No.2467877 [Reply] [Original]

V = the volume at which you can understand what people are saying.
U = the volume at which everybody in the house can hear the fake moaning and "oh yeah oh yeah oooooH" coming from the female pornstar.
S = the Shitty Quality Coefficient. HD porn has a Shitty Quality Coefficient of 1, bootleg vintage 70's porn streaming from redtube has a coefficient of approximately 5. The coefficient of a video is usually determined experimentally.

These factors are related with this formula:

V = U^2 * S

This relationship should be fairly self evident. Moving on.

T = current speaker volume
C = how much you care about what the people are saying. 0 through 1 are valid values.
H = how hard your dick is, also 0 to 1, zero being flaccid and one being a raging boner.

C = C(initial) - H
T = V * C

Discuss.

>> No.2467887
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2467887

Fund it.

>> No.2467894

So with a raging hard on and not caring about what people say you can have a negative volume?

>> No.2467903
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2467903

>>2467894
Whoops, should be multiplication, not subtraction.

>> No.2467923

>>2467877
It's Gary fucking Oake!

>> No.2467924

>>2467903

So if you are flaccid and you are watching to hear what they are saying your volume is 0?

>> No.2467931

This thread amuses me, best one in weeks

>> No.2467941

>>2467924
Peer review in action.

I'm not seeing how it could really be made to work, but I never was good with equations.

>> No.2467947

>>2467941
How do you want it to behave? What should the result be when you have a raging boner and what should the result be when you are completely flaccid?

>> No.2467954

>>2467947

Don't care = 0 volume
Non-raging boners or flacid & some care should produce a non zero number.
Raging boner = care none

>> No.2467957

My god, it's the cocktail party problem in relation to cocks!

>> No.2467970

>>2467954
I'd say it should be an inverse relationship: the harder your dick gets the less you care, so it would be:

C=C(inital)/H

>> No.2467972

>>2467954
C(1-H)

>> No.2467975

If that's the case H can never be a nonzero number, otherwise the volume becomes undefined, plus or minus infinity.

>> No.2467979

>>2467970
>dick is flaccid
>INFINITE LOUDNESS!

>> No.2467986

>>2467970
My bad, H is between 1 and zero.

>>capture: Battling idioacy

>> No.2467987

>>2467979
OP just solved, not only the energy crisis, but also the Heat Death of the Universe.
>suddenly VIAGRA
Oh shi...

>> No.2467990

>>2467972
This guys right

>> No.2467996

>>2467972
But then if you have a really hard dick, you wont care about the volume, so C will be zero, and you'll have the volume muted. This area of mathematics needs some work- Im cracking out Limdep.

>> No.2468001

OP here, hoping this thread will still be here when I wake up.

>> No.2468006

>>2468001
I've written the equations down and plan to have a fully functioning theory of porn volume mathematics by tomorrow.

>> No.2468007

>>2467996
>But then if you have a really hard dick, you wont care about the volume, so C will be zero, and you'll have the volume muted.

Isn't that what OP wanted?

>Raging boner = care none

>> No.2468009

>>2468007
Yeah, but plugging it into the final equation will give T=0, which is not what OP wanted

>> No.2468014

>>2468009
Well then, what should T(H = 1) be?

>> No.2468024

op's theory seems consistent with peano arithmetic

carry on

>> No.2468025
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2468025

OP here, I was thinking raging boner = don't care at all = mute, but on reflection that isn't always true. For certain fetishes the dialogue in a porno can be very important.

We might need to account for other variable too, such as other people in the house and the usage of headphones.

Going to sleep now. Fingers crossed for the morning.

>> No.2468030

>>2468014
Oh I see what you're saying now. Cuz you don't care what people are saying in the porn you have the volume muted when you have a raging boner.

In that case an additional coefficient needs to be added- the not give a shit coefficient. Where the hornier you are, the less you care about whether your housemates hear you.

>> No.2468082

Bump for porn maths.

>> No.2469454

Ah excellent, still here.