/sci/ - Science & Math

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Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:01:24 2010 No.2117154 [Reply] [Original]

Humans are the most badass creatures in the galaxy. We breathe oxygen, one of the most poisonous materials in the universe. It's the same fucking thing that makes FIRE. It fucking kills METALS, and we need it to BREATHE. From a totally alien being's viewpoint that must be at least startling, if not outright scary. I read in arthur c. clarcke's book odissey 3010, that this is what enables us to be so fast, compared to his slow, amphibious aliens. The chemical reactions that fuel our body are pretty powerful, relatively speaking.

Also, check out the local fauna, which from a sci-fi viewpoint, was turned into wallets and clothes.
Even our cows, which we eat, are FUCKING MONSTROUS. An alien will shit himself if a cow moos at him, it's a fucking 500kg slab of muscle and fat, capable of crushing a man to death. We made an industry of killing , eating, and using their bodily remains.

How does it feel to be this awesome?

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:05:24 2010 No.2117165

We live in a world where BEES, little shits no bigger than a few inches, will kill us dead if we fuck with them. We live in a world where there are giant fucking monsters in the water that frequently kill us for fun, and we swim in the water FOR FUCKING LEISURE.

We launch giant fucking missiles into space, JUST SO WE CAN LEARN ABOUT SHIT THAT KILLS US

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:05:24 2010 No.2117164 File: 3 KB, 203x219, 1282924893911.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:05:24 2010 No.2117169 You're typing human words on a human machine using human networks. You already know how it feels. wet mostly, and a bit cold sometimes.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:10:24 2010 No.2117177 yet niggers share our genetic pool ;_____-;

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:10:24 2010 No.2117179

Globuloidans are the most badass creatures in the galaxy. We breathe sulfur, one of the most poisonous materials in the universe. It's the same fucking thing that makes FIRE. It fucking kills METALS, and we need it to BREATHE. From a totally alien being's viewpoint that must be at least startling, if not outright scary. I read in iawuef il fongolongo's book odissey 3010, that this is what enables us to be so fast, compared to his slow, amphibious aliens. The chemical reactions that fuel our body are pretty powerful, relatively speaking.

Also, check out the local fauna, which from a sci-fi viewpoint, was turned into wallets and clothes.
Even our grgunserfas, which we eat, are FUCKING MONSTROUS. An alien will shit himself if a grgunserfa wicolups at him, it's a fucking 500 tonne slab of muscle and fat, capable of crushing a globuloidan to death. We made an industry of killing , eating, and using their bodily remains.

How does it feel to be this awesome?

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:11:24 2010 No.2117181

>>2117169
You clearly have no idea how bad-ass humans are

We take the plant matter from millions of years ago, AND WE BURN IT FOR MOTHERFUCKING ELECTRICITY. There is an entire continent where temperatures are so low that they will fuck your shit up if you open your jacket for 2 goddamn seconds, and WE HAVE PEOPLE LIVING THERE. FOR SCIENCE.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:12:24 2010 No.2117185 File: 26 KB, 315x450, spacemarine.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] fuck the aliens... we will dominate this shitty universe... we won't die. We'll find a way to infect the other universes, if they exist.

>>	Colonel Coffee Mug !phJ7yIcs.Q Sat Nov 27 14:12:24 2010 No.2117188 Hey /tv/.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:15:24 2010 No.2117196

We conduct experiments that could potentionally open a motherfucking black hole and devour the Earth FOR SCIENCE

We test how well our medicines work BY TESTING THEM ON OURSELVES AND THE BADASS ANIMALS AROUND US

Badass animals that while only being an average of six inches CAN CHEW THROUGH FUCKNG METAL BECAUS ETHAT'S HOW BADASS THEY ARE

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:15:24 2010 No.2117197 >>2117185 Hell yeah!!!

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:15:24 2010 No.2117198 File: 329 KB, 998x1174, Eosapian.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117154 Hey buddy, I breath oxygen to.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:16:24 2010 No.2117202 We have stories where we create robots that kill us AND WE MAKE THOSE SAME MOTHERFUCKING ROBOTS WITH THE SOLE INTENTION OF KILLING EACH OTHER

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:17:24 2010 No.2117210
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Look at what else we do!
We roll POISON into little cylinders and SMOKE IT TO RELAX! We drink flammable poisons, despite fully understand it destroys our livers
We expose ourselves to harsh environments with nothing but nylon for shelter for pleasure!
Some countries even allow Everyday men (Peasants) to carry around death dealing projectiles.

No wonder the aliens havent made contact yet... I'd be fucking terrified of us too!

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:18:24 2010 No.2117212 File: 76 KB, 329x456, tobacco-alcohol.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] We ingest poison for leisure.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:19:24 2010 No.2117217 File: 37 KB, 360x240, cow.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117198 Hey buddy, I breath oxygen to.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:20:24 2010 No.2117219

We have sports where we simply jump off of cliffs and the only goal is not dying

Our children are raised on stories of gigantic madmen breaking into their house and eating their cookies and milk.

Another one of these stories is a giant fucking rabbit that EATS UNBORN CHICKENS

Our parents told us stories of beasts living under our beds WITHT HE SOLE INTENTION OF SCARING THE FUCK OUT OF US

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:21:24 2010 No.2117221 We make up things that don't exist and wage genocide in their name, fuck yeah.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:23:24 2010 No.2117228 File: 23 KB, 490x560, 1278023861915.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117198 you'll simply become one of our countless slave species

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:28:24 2010 No.2117237 File: 72 KB, 479x604, fuck humans.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] One Human is harmless, they lack any evolutionary defenses like claws and powerful jaws but get a few of them together and you better watch what you say.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:30:24 2010 No.2117241 >>2117237 Problem?

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:30:24 2010 No.2117242
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Humans present a substantial problem for the Theory of Evolution. It is difficult to find an aspect of human biology that is remotely competitive. They metabolise a variety of corrosive gases, their process of reproduction is lethally dangerous and their respiration and food orifices are combined in such a fashion as to almost guarantee suffocation by misconsumed food articles. And that's not to consider the damage done to their spine and musculature by an inexplicable instinct to balance on the hind legs.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:32:24 2010 No.2117246 >>2117242 >implying evolution is perfect Doesn't know how evolution works.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:34:24 2010 No.2117254 File: 159 KB, 2754x1502, microwave.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] we cook our food by blasting it with microwave radiation.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:37:24 2010 No.2117266 >>2117177 That's debatable. They are a slightly evolved form of ape. The first "clever" humans. But then the smartest ones left and bred with Neanderthals.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:39:24 2010 No.2117271 >>2117242 None of these present a problem for the theory of evolution.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:40:24 2010 No.2117276

>>2117271
THere are a lot of holes in evolution. Answer this question:

If everything evolves, why are we still here? In fact, why are there still animals, and not the more evolved forms? If everything is constantly evolving, why don't I automatically transform into a "future" human being?

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:44:24 2010 No.2117284 File: 39 KB, 469x428, 127420115480.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117276 inb4 shitstorm

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:46:24 2010 No.2117288
File: 51 KB, 469x352, 060426_chernobyl_big.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>2117276
We poison our air and water to weed out the weak. We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere. We nailed our god to a stick. Don't fuck with the human race, we're crazy motherfuckers.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:53:24 2010 No.2117311
File: 32 KB, 800x800, whatwhatwhat.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

herpderp

No seriously though, I'm ok with it. I go to a prestigious university with a 20% acceptance rate, as well as one of the most renowned conservatories in the world (5 year dual program, 2 schools at the same time). I don't think I'm particularly intelligent, but I have the resources to pursue what I want to pursue (scholarships ftw) and some artistic merit that I am proud of and enjoy working on. Whatever dudes.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 14:59:24 2010 No.2117332 >>2117288 I like your attitude you're in charge of the Terran military.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:06:24 2010 No.2117363 >>2117332 sweet, we invade and genocide our closest neighbor after lunch

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:08:24 2010 No.2117372
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We collide shit at lightspeed just to see what happens. You know, for the lulz.

We create mini black holes just for fun! In the middle of a densely populated area!

We're bomb the shit out of our only moon! That's right, fuck you, moon! We ain't done with you yet!

That's how awesome we are!

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:10:24 2010 No.2117378 >implying all of these things would not also apply to any spacefaring species

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:11:24 2010 No.2117381 >>2117378 >implying any space faring life will be carbon based It's far more likely they will be machines.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:11:24 2010 No.2117383 File: 23 KB, 386x279, Emperor.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117185 This universe and everything in it is rightfully ours. Any other sentient being in it is a trespasser

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:12:24 2010 No.2117387 >>2117383 I like your attitude.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:12:24 2010 No.2117389 >>2117381 >implying that would not make their creator species more awesome than us

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:16:24 2010 No.2117407
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>>2117378
Humans are as "hardcore" as they are because we evolved as territorial, tribal predators. Frankly, even at our most primitive, we're little walking gangs of rape for most other animals. We're even instinctively programmed to find a way to destroy, rather than flee, superior threats. Notice how every monster movie ends with the monster getting fucked over?
Admittedly, there might be some hardcore stuff out there, but it's going to have to work very hard to be scarier than us.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:18:24 2010 No.2117416

It boggles the mind how the human species ever evolved sentient females. The sentient female is nothing but a detractor to the species' reproductive capability. Humans as a species are terribly adapted to their environment, having abandoned natural selection in favour of modifying their own environments with technology that may or may not be available to their grandsons aeons ago. Their "science" mostly deals in obscure, even arcane subjects that are of little use to a race that hasn't even conquered its own star system, much less travel to other stars. Nonetheless, their considerable intelect and easy childhood indoctrination will make them a fine slave animal of the Kzinti Patriarchy.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:19:24 2010 No.2117422 File: 5 KB, 265x297, 1250615926123.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >mfw bees

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:21:24 2010 No.2117425 >>2117422 Here. I meant to link to this one. >>2117416

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:22:24 2010 No.2117429
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>"The fact that Humans expose themselves to sunlight in order to damage their skin and make it assume a darker hue just adds weight to the theory that this species is in love with death."

thats what the aliens are gonna be saying once we make first contact, too bad I'll be dead when that happens

>>	BlackEyed !!qtsgVD/n1WG Sat Nov 27 15:28:24 2010 No.2117451 >>2117154 >And, Mr. Alien... If you believe all this I've told you is shocking, don't get me started with our military movements, our prison systems, our politicians and scientists and... -gulp- Our internet.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:29:24 2010 No.2117455 >>2117451 >implying any of those things aren't god tier

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:30:24 2010 No.2117459 >>2117455 Here I didn't see politicians, they suck.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:32:24 2010 No.2117469 File: 25 KB, 547x471, cactus.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Earth is going to be the main tourist attraction for the milky-way galaxy

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:33:24 2010 No.2117472 >>2117154 >We breathe oxygen, one of the most poisonous materials in the universe. Complex multicellular life, especially intelligent one, absolutely requires oxygen (or something else similiarily reactive). Your argument is invalid

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:35:24 2010 No.2117484 >>2117472 Anthro-centric cockhole.

>>	BlackEyed !!qtsgVD/n1WG Sat Nov 27 15:36:24 2010 No.2117489 Mr. Alien, do you want some cocaine?

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:37:24 2010 No.2117492 >>2117489 Problem rest of the universe?

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:44:24 2010 No.2117511 We're so badass our society doesn't give a shit about poisoning everything around us.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:49:24 2010 No.2117527 >>2117511 Not sure if troll?

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:52:24 2010 No.2117531

We've conquered our planet before our one millionth birthday.

In the last 200 years alone, we've invented flying machines, invented nuclear weapons, we've even gone to our planet's satellite. at the current rate, we will own a huge chunk of the milky way galaxy before our species celebrates our 2 millionth birthday...

>Rest of the universe, is your body ready for the incoming genocide?

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 15:55:24 2010 No.2117542 File: 86 KB, 460x445, hotsauce.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] We cover our food in neurotoxin. Just for the flavour.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:02:24 2010 No.2117566
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I can just imagine an entire army of aliens being outright terrified of a single slightly maladjusted US Marine with a combat knife or a hatchet because their directed-energy weapons might kill them, but only gives us a mild sunburn.

"Look out! It has a sharp piece of metal! All is lost!"

It can go both ways though. A gun shooting small metal bullets might be ineffective against an alien from a planet that requires harden shell-like skin to protect from UV light from their sun.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:03:24 2010 No.2117569

>>2117531

in a few generations we'll inevitably be a borg-like hivemind race, once all menial tasks have been taken care of by machines. There will be no hardship and everyone will face the crushing realization of nihilism, we will collectively know that differences in people were only caused by their sum of experiences and the shaping of ego. There will be no inequality, no thirst for personal glory, just a terrible realization that everyone is exactly the same when there are no ideologies.

Either we'll experience mutually assured destruction. Or that takeover of the universe for no real purpose besides satisfying the instinct to continually replicate.

>>	BlackEyed !!qtsgVD/n1WG Sat Nov 27 16:03:24 2010 No.2117570 File: 128 KB, 480x341, fresh-potatoes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117542 What?

>>	BlackEyed !!qtsgVD/n1WG Sat Nov 27 16:03:24 2010 No.2117572 File: 11 KB, 400x266, russian-criminal-tattoos-1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117570 wut

>>	BlackEyed !!qtsgVD/n1WG Sat Nov 27 16:04:24 2010 No.2117575 File: 54 KB, 449x299, cigarettes1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117572 >lol they do what?!

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:04:24 2010 No.2117576 >>2117572 wat?

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:05:24 2010 No.2117582

>>2117531
>at the current rate, we will own a huge chunk of the milky way galaxy before our species celebrates our 2 millionth birthday
>at the current rate
>current rate
Thing is, it's not going to stay. Maybe around as soon as 2030 (but then again, it could be 2130, or 3030), humanity will start the plunge back down into barbarianism.

>>	BlackEyed !!qtsgVD/n1WG Sat Nov 27 16:05:24 2010 No.2117580 >>2117576 >tattoooes

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:06:24 2010 No.2117585 File: 137 KB, 463x462, giantreggieface.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117531 >Rest of the universe, is your body ready for the incoming genocide?

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:10:19 2010 No.2117597 We hype things that are badass from the human point of view and CLAIM THAT SAME THING ARE BADASS FROM THE ALIEN POINT OF VIEW. FUCK YEAH HUMANITY.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:16:24 2010 No.2117624 File: 264 KB, 1024x725, optimist_prime_by_avid-d2xz9e1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>2117582 stop being such a negatron

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:19:24 2010 No.2117635

>>2117165 BEEES

If Bees were a significant threat to Humanity, we'd wipe them all out in under a decade. Every single last bee.

We're fucking capable of it. Bees could never wipe out every human, we inhabit places they can't even begin to enter. Too fucking cold, or too fucking hot and dry.

Fuck yeah humanity.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:25:24 2010 No.2117664

>>2117635
Bees are very important pollinators. No bees means no pollination of flowers, which means no fruit, which in turn means plants won't reproduce to make oxygen for us.

we need them but they dont need us... it's the only reason we haven't exterminated them, plus they make pretty tasty and useful honey

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:27:19 2010 No.2117667 >>2117635 Are you kidding? People can't even get some miserable bugs out of the New York apartments.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:27:24 2010 No.2117666 >>2117635 just so you know, mosquitos have killed approximately half the humans who have ever lived. are we even close to eradicating mosquitos? no. we're not that bad ass.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:31:19 2010 No.2117682 >>2117664 Bees aren't the only pollinators. They are only important for human agriculture but not for all flora.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:32:24 2010 No.2117686

Alien scout here. Fuck your planet and fuck your race. Your fighting vehicles and bombers and fighter jets and gunships are too fucking great for us. It's a shame you can't invent an efficient model to travel to other planetary systems. You'd rape shit.

Regards,
A dude from Andromeda.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:34:24 2010 No.2117690 >>2117686 U mad?

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:34:24 2010 No.2117691 >>2117664 >implying another insect/bird wouldn't take there place

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:37:24 2010 No.2117702 >>2117690 I'd be mad if you invent a way to travel to our home galaxy. Wars are what fuel your kind and as long as the situation remains like it is on the Earth you won't start to look for enemies in other galaxies.

Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:38:24 2010 No.2117705
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>>2117686
I have a theory that aliens were so terrified at our ability to kill things that they infiltrated us, and brainwashed our scientists into believing that faster than light travel is impossible. They tried to slow our space travel technology's progress by making our politicians not fund space agencies like nasa as much as they should.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:45:24 2010 No.2117717 >>2117705 Those aliens are asking for some ass raping, they better relocated their home world to another universe before we find out... We'll fucking turn their planet into glass

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 16:50:24 2010 No.2117725 >>2117717 What if we put a few Tsar Bombas en route to that planet and see if we can make it tear apart?

>>	BlackEyed !!qtsgVD/n1WG Sat Nov 27 17:28:24 2010 No.2117878 >>2117725 Just a couple of Tsar bombas would put them in their place.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 17:33:24 2010 No.2117892 >>2117705 So, the aliens are jewish? Should have known.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 17:42:24 2010 No.2117937 >>2117686 We could be your warriors, for a bit of tech. I promise that won't go horribly wrong.

>>	Anonymous Sat Nov 27 18:43:24 2010 No.2118147 We fucking make smallpox extinct

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