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/sci/ - Science & Math

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1675356 No.1675356 [Reply] [Original]

How about some nerdy jokes?

Pic related

>> No.1675359

A man walks into a restaurant called Entropy. The waitress asks, "Can I take your order?"

>> No.1675360
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>> No.1675363
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>> No.1675364
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>> No.1675366
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>> No.1675370

why does hamburger meat have a lower energy level than steak?

because its in the ground state.

>> No.1675371
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1675371

>> No.1675372

>>1675366
lol that is so lame

>> No.1675374
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1675374

>> No.1675376

>>1675364
....

I dont' get it it

>> No.1675382
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1675382

Last science-related rage I've got, requesting more.

>> No.1675391

>>1675376
He's doing elektroforesis with agarose gel (i.e. northern blot) and that always takes a lot of time and accurate working, and after all those hours it doesn't mach the reference, so he is slightly upset.

>> No.1675393

>>1675360
>>1675364
>>1675374
Well, if you are me, then who am I?

>> No.1675408

>>1675393
You are a biochemiphysicist

>> No.1675410

>>1675391

That honestly looks like TLC more than PAGE.

>> No.1675414

>>1675366

hahaha

>> No.1675422

>>1675410
Could be. I don't know what the line and crosses represent at the bottom, could be your pencilmarkings for TLC indeed, or those little slots in agarose gel where you inject your samples.

>> No.1675436

>>1675360
>>1675363
>>1675364
>>1675366
>>1675371
>>1675374
>>1675382
More

>> No.1675481
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1675481

Well, I tried...

>> No.1675498

Tungsten walks into a bar with Lead.

Helium didn't react.

>> No.1675510
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1675510

The best.

>> No.1675517

Two atoms bump into eachother:
"Shit, I've lost an electron"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."

>> No.1675518

>>1675510
I was looking for that one!

>> No.1675534
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>> No.1675538
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>> No.1675540
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>> No.1675545
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>> No.1675552
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1675552

>> No.1675555
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1675555

>>1675534

>> No.1675558

>>1675555
Ironman?

Don't be silly. Men don't iron.

>> No.1675561
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1675561

>> No.1675570
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>> No.1675593

>>1675552
And that's when I slapped him when a sexual harassment suit.

>> No.1675601

>>1675561

WOMEN DOING SCIENCE HAHAHA WHAT A JOKE

>> No.1675671
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1675671

>>1675561
Dem legs.

>> No.1675718
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1675718

>>1675570

>> No.1675744

>>1675718
lol'd

>> No.1677536

Bump.

>> No.1677771
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1677771

Anyone got the one with a fighter pilot neutralizing one of the enemy's strongest bases (NaOH)?

>> No.1677778

<div class="math">\bar\pi=\frac12</div>

>> No.1677786

>>1677778
ohyou.jpg

>> No.1677791

>>1677771
God damn that second panel's expression is hilarious.

>> No.1677798
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1677798

>> No.1677800

So a neutron walks into a bar and asks the bar tend for a drink and how much it will cost him.

The bartender looks at him and says,
"For you? No charge."

>> No.1677824

Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive."

>> No.1677865

>>1675360
Acid base titration with phenolphthalein is shit, and the stopcocks on my highschool's buriets constantly did this too.

>> No.1677870

A group of physicists was playing hide and seek. While Einstein had his eyes closed and counted to one hundred, most of them ran to hiding spots, except Isaac Newton. Newton took a stick and drew a square meter, then sat in it.

Einstein finished counting and turned around, immediately seeing Isaac. "Hah, I found you Isaac!"

"No you didn't." Isaac responded.

"What do you mean, you're sitting right there."

"No I am not. See, I am sitting in a one square. And what do you get when you have one Newton in one square meter? A Pascal!"

Then Einstein punched him in the kidney and told him to play the fucking game right.

>> No.1677873
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1677873

>>1677771
Here ya go.

>> No.1677876

>>1677870
I laughed more than I should have.

>> No.1677894

>>1677870
I did too

>> No.1677954

>>1677870
Hahaha awesome

>>1675481
Lol, happened to mee once with a grignard. Your expensive grignard reagent, worthless...

>> No.1678174

>>1677873
OMG, MOAR!

>> No.1678474

>>1677870
I lol'ed.

>> No.1678507
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>> No.1678509
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1678509

>> No.1678514
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>> No.1678520

>>1678507
Childhood..rage..

>> No.1678521
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1678521

/r/ing more...

>> No.1678524

i would never want to be a geologist because all my work would be taken for granite

>you've narbeeks

>> No.1678543
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1678543

>>1677824
Tangentally related

>> No.1678545

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

>> No.1678548

Two chemists walk into a bar. The Bartender is a chemist, too. The first chemist says, "I'll have an H<span class="math">_{2}[/spoiler]O." The second chemist says, "I'll have an H<span class="math">_{2}[/spoiler]O, too."

The second chemist dies.

>> No.1678560

>>1675374
Fucking Fourier Transforms. You do atleast 20 problems with the definition and then you get to learn the patterns. Rgrgrgrgrggrg

>> No.1678568

>>1675374


lol i remember that in calculus

l'hopital and anti-derivatives save so much time

>> No.1678572

>>1675366
this is so bad that it's good

>> No.1678579

>>1678543
THADDIUS ASDHFSGLFLR-AO,JGSRAHUCS-

ARGHHHH

>> No.1679038
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1679038

>> No.1679056

I'm so cool I've got TWO Jokes!


1.
A Sodium atom is running around frantically. His Friend Potassium asks him what's wrong.
"Dude, I lost an electron around here somewhere and I can't find it".
Potassium asks "Are you sure?"
Sodium says "I'm positive!"
_______________________________
2. A Neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
"How much for that Martini bartender?"
Bartender says "For you, no charge!"

>> No.1679066
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1679066

>>1679056

>> No.1679087

Bump

>> No.1679111

Why do mathematicians have trouble telling the difference between Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 is Dec 25.

XD

>> No.1679122

the thing about quantum physics jokes, is that you can never tell whether they're funny or not until you tell them

>> No.1679136

>>1679122
This one wasn't/

>> No.1679147

A Neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
"How much for that Martini bartender?"
Bartender says "For you, it's free!"

>> No.1679156

Skunkworks walks into a bar and orders four creatine shakes. The bartender asks "no beer?" Skunkworks replies "Given that the linear-no-threshold model of human carcinogenicity has been neither proven or disproven; and that the primary metabolite of ethanol, acetaldehyde, is a IARC Category 2 carcinogen, I don't intentionally consume excess amounts of alcohols containing fewer than eleven carbon atoms"

The bartender drinks a shot of cyanide.

>> No.1679160

>>1675356
One atom asks another atom "can you help me find an electron, I think I've lost it," the other atom says "are you sure," and the first atom says "yes, please help me find it."

>> No.1679197

An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walk into a bar (ouch). One of the mathematicians then says, "the bar is now empty" and they begin to play hide and seek. The neutrino is then stopped by a police officer. Officer Heisenberg says, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "You're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

>> No.1679220

>>1679197
>derp

>> No.1679232

>>1679197
>>1679197
>>1679197
>>1679197
>>1679197
>>1679197
>>1679197
>>1679197
Dear god, this.

>> No.1679235

>>1679056
>dumb jokes already posted multiple times earlier in the thread.
>proud of self

7/10 I MAD

>> No.1679248

this joke has already been stated but I find this version to be a bit funnier.

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "we do not serve noble gasses here." The helium does not react.

>> No.1679260

>>1679197
" The bar tender then says "You're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react."

could someone explain this to me?

>> No.1679271

>>1678509
whoa, mind almost blown

but then i realized we would have noticed the effects of such a planets gravity on the other planets so we can rule out it's existance

.. right ?!?!?!

>> No.1679276

>>1675370
I love it

>> No.1679277
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1679277

>>1679235

>> No.1679288

>>1679260
there's a joke about cows in england
a physicist, a mathmatician and a logician see a black cow in a field
the physicist says, "all cows in england are black"
the mathematician says, "there is at least one cow in england that is black"
the logican says, "there is one side of a cow in england that looks black"

all bases are base 10, in their own base.
so base 2, is base 10, when you represent 1+1 in base 2

three guys rent a hotel. each pays $10. the owner realizes he overcharged them, and gives the bellboy $5. bellboy pockets two, gives each a dollar. Then each guy paid $9 and the bellboy has $2 which adds to $29. There is an extra dollar.

What kind of bear disolves in water?
A polar bear.
water disolves polar compounds.

you already know the helium one. it's in this thread like 5 times.

>> No.1679349

Copypasta from another one of these threads:

three squires in three lands all wanted to own the land that lies in between them.
there was one squire that was cunning and strong, and the other squires knew they would loose in an all out battle, so they teamed up to fight against the strong cunning squire.

while the two squire formed their armies, the strong cunning squire slowly cooked himself his dinner, in a large pot, which was hung to a tree by a looped length of rope.

the two squires attacked, their armies resulting in a draw from the cunning and strong squires standing army. really, they ought to have known that the squire of the high pot and noose equals the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

the end.

>> No.1679371
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1679371

A biologist, an experimental physicist, and a mathematician are sitting in a bench outside an empty building. They see two people enter the building, and a while later, three people come out.
The biologist then says "They must have reproduced inside"
The physicist says "No, what happened is that the margin of error of our measurement tools is +/- 1"
The Mathematician says "You're both wrong, there are now -1 persons inside the building"

>> No.1679382

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_Im9OgMVrs

>> No.1679384

>>1679156
SHIT SON, I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND A SKUNKWORKS AINT ONE

>> No.1679413

>>1679382
I heard this before, and only now do i get it.
It's funny but took some thought.

>> No.1679485

Three statisticians go out hunting. They spot a deer and one of them shoots 10 feet to the right and misses. A second one steps up, after verbally knocking down his friend, fires but misses 10 feet to the left. The third one suddenly throws down his gun and yells, "I HIT IT! I HIT IT!"

>> No.1679521
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1679521

>> No.1679550

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who know binary notation, those who don't, and eight others.

>> No.1679560
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1679560

>>1679550

>> No.1679563

>>1679550
I like this one better.
There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those that understand binary, those who don't, and those who've never had an opportunity to learn it.
I'm in group 2.

>> No.1681290

>>1679371
Unless that "a while later" was 9 months, the biologist was not the head of their class.

>> No.1681316

A foo walks into a bar

>> No.1681321

>>1675561

she's DRINKING THE ACID

>> No.1681337

>>1675561
damn...
I should go to the science classes more often...

>> No.1681361
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1681361

>>1675561

>> No.1681387

>>1679147
lol'd
>>1679160
fucking old, move on

>> No.1681421

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says to him "we don't serve your kind here". He leaves without any resistance.

>> No.1681422

What do you do when you have 56 dead protons?

Barium

>> No.1682798

bump

>> No.1683258
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1683258

>>1681422

>> No.1683365

this is why I love you /sci/

captcha: future binsubc

>> No.1683499

One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."

>> No.1683531

Why are Ba, Cu and He the medical elements?

Because if you can't Curium or Helium, YOU BARIUM!

>> No.1683540

whats blue and smells like red paint?
blue paint.

why did the plane crash into the ocean?
because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

>> No.1684961

Don't you 404 on me.

>> No.1685353

>>1683540
>pilot was a loaf of bread
wat

>> No.1685939

bump

>> No.1685953

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a blueberry?

Elephant blueberry sine theta.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?

Dude, you can't cross a scaler!

>> No.1685989
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1685989

I heard this great joke!

Okay, here it goes: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

>> No.1686047

>>1675561

this is the best picture i have rested my eyes upon in a loooong time, and i have been investing my time in porn a lot recently.

congrats.

>> No.1686050

Biology pick-up line:

If I were an enzyme I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your jeans.

>> No.1686081
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1686081

>> No.1686093

>>1683531

>Cu
>Curium

>> No.1686432

3 mathmeticians are hunting. a buck is an even distance between two trees. one fires and hits the first tree, the second fires and hits the other tree, the third one got up and yelled "HIT"

>> No.1687037

Oh, /sci/...

>> No.1687143

Wanna know a funny trick you can do with a statistician? Put their feet in a freezer and their head in an oven, and they'll tell you that on average they feel fine.

>> No.1687161

>>1687143
That's not funny, it could result in serious injury and even death.

>> No.1687184

>>1675561
That is a total violation of lab safety protocols.

>> No.1687190

>>1677870
Okay, I chuckled heartily.

>> No.1687234

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.