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/sci/ - Science & Math

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File: 2.24 MB, 2048x1536, HumanOnMars.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534089 No.1534089 [Reply] [Original]

You are the first man to step on mars, what are your first words?

>> No.1534093

"dicks, dicks everywhere"

>> No.1534094
File: 187 KB, 595x297, sc2marine595.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534094

"Hell, its about time."

>> No.1534096

>>1534093
this

>> No.1534101

"Where are those rovers, I wanna ride one."

>> No.1534115

"lol"

>> No.1534120
File: 56 KB, 1171x1054, put some dbz tune now.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534120

i came,
i conquered
and i now procmaim myself as the eternal one,
the god-emperor of Mars!

>> No.1534122

"This is humanity's bigge... HOLY SHIT! THEY'RE COMING RIGHT AT....!"

Then cut transmision.

>> No.1534124

Anyone got any weed ? This place must be a trip on some primo kush.

>> No.1534134

I hereby claim this land for the Islamic Empire of Earth. Allahu Akbar!

>> No.1534142

something from DUNE

>> No.1534147

>>1534115

'lol mars'

>> No.1534152

>>1534134
This

>> No.1534153

"My God... it's full of rocks."

>> No.1534155

"Oh god there's a tear in my suit oh god oh g-"
fall over, cut transmission, proceed to live on Mars

>> No.1534164

CRASH PHOBOS INTO MARS!

>> No.1534168

>>1534164
For got your trip induaris

>> No.1534170

"This is a gigantic step for engineering and I suppose science".

>> No.1534171

>>1534155
Hilarious, right up until the moment you smash your visor falling over.

>> No.1534175

Rejoice friends for we as a species are now a interplanetary species. This moment will go down
in the history books with maybe even greater fondness then the moon landing. We should be honored
that we are alive in such important and revolutionary times.

>> No.1534179

>>1534089
This is a message to everyone on Earth.

Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down..

>> No.1534180

>>1534171
Doesn't matter. Induris kidnaped the president of earth and threatened to kill him if nasa, jaxa, or esa crashed phobos into mars

>> No.1534182

We have opened up our final frontier

>> No.1534186

>>1534179
That would actually be hilarious just because of how terrible it would be.

Although in my version you start doing the dance too.

>> No.1534189

>>1534089
"TO mars AND BEYOND!"

>> No.1534190

one small step for mankind, one huge penis in my engineering ass

>> No.1534198

"Yep, it's red. Red everywhere."

>> No.1534203

"Brown and Bloom, why did we come here again?"

>> No.1534208

i'd do the moon walk and say "2nd step for man,one dance move for mankind"

>> No.1534212

"oh hey zaphod, fancy seeing you here."

>> No.1534215

[insert penis joke]
Fuck that, my first words would be serious
"Man has finally conquered that which has restrained him for so long, the vast sea of space is no longer a challenge, for we have become our own masters."
or
"This place fucking sucks why did I even come here"

>> No.1534232

Stare in the camera, knowing the entire world watches you. Fake some alien attack or something. Or just open the helmet for extra lulz. Or take the other astronaut, murder him, and hold his dead fucking frozen face in the camera. Laugh maniacally and start ripping him apart

>> No.1534252
File: 38 KB, 117x127, reaction.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534252

>>1534232
>>1534232

>> No.1534265

"Who fucked up the budget on the soundstage? Nobody's going to believe this."

>> No.1534294

"Houston, I've touched the surface and everything appears fine. It's damn red up here and-

*pause*

(what the fuck..?)

Houston, there's something BIG up here, do you want me to-

*pause*

Houston, it's-

*scream*

LISTEN TO ME
LISTEN TO ME
DON'T EVER COME HERE AGAIN
DON'T-

*cut transmission*

(two minutes later)

"Houston, you mad?"

>> No.1534307

"I am standing on the surface of mars."

>> No.1534335

>>1534294
I giggled.

>> No.1534337

"One small step for man, one giant - *Scream*"

"...Fall for mankind...."

>> No.1534352

This is one step for man, but the second step for mankind.

>> No.1534358

I can feel it. My mind is going. I can feel it...

>> No.1534368

dude we're on mars man. lets go check it out! *runs off*

>> No.1534378

We're kind of a slow species, all in all.

>> No.1534382

"lol, dude... I'm a martian, look at me dude lol

>> No.1534399

>>1534089

"Je conquière cette terre au nom de l'espèce humaine"

Yes I would say it in French.

>> No.1534403

"Eww, there's something stuck on my boot!"

>> No.1534405

What? Why did you send me here? I'm not a geologist.

>> No.1534412

>>1534089
>>1534089
I don't speak mandarin.
So I'll never be on mars.

>> No.1534413

"What the-? Is that a synagogue up the hill?"

>> No.1534417

YARR THE ENTIRE PLANET BE MADE OF GOLD

>> No.1534420

>>1534399
>Je conquière cette terre au nom de l'espèce humaine
>implying cnes will ever into space

Captcha: $2,860 ovaries; well i agree captcha, this poster has very expensive overies, because hes a faggot and got them installed

>> No.1534429

"Houston, the [Name of lander] has landed. Awaiting orders."
You don't have to be a cunt and show off.

>> No.1534430

"inb4 niggers"

>> No.1534432

>>1534417
That would be worth doing the entire mission in full pirate regalia.

>> No.1534439

>>1534429

>Implying astronauts wouldn't have high degree of autonomy and after-landing protocol in place.

>> No.1534447

>>1534439
>Implying they still wouldn't need orders on what to do
You are a cunt. Prove me wrong!

>> No.1534450
File: 61 KB, 527x370, 1270926252771.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534450

>>1534430
Can you imagine the awesomeness that would ensue if those were the first words? "Finally, a place without any niggers!" He'd go down as one of the greatest trolls in hsitory!

Almost makes 'ya want to be that man. To be there. To say... those glorious words.

>> No.1534451

>>1534089
"Why the fuck does my space suit have PVC plumbing fittings all over the front of it?"

>> No.1534453

>>1534294
This is obviously the best course of action.

>> No.1534454

What would an astronot do on mars? play golf like those dickfaced americans?

Or would we sent up REAL SCIENTISTS, and not some fucking jocks?

I'd atleast expect putting a 100ft wide target on the surface, just so inurdaes can have a target for phobos

>> No.1534456

>>1534429
There's a 20-30 minute transmission lag between mars and earth. Enjoy sitting on mars like a dick for half an hour because you don't know what to do next.

>> No.1534457

>>1534447

Considering the communication delay due to the distance between Earth and Mars, it would be much more efficient for the mission to be pretty much fully autonomous.

>> No.1534462

>>1534454
>cannot into english
>hates america

SUP EUROPE, MAD YOU CANNOT INTO MARS WITH YOUR CRAPPY SPACE AGENCY?

>> No.1534464

>>1534457
Yeah well fuck you.

>> No.1534467

>>1534399
too bad, threre won't be anybody speaking french, probably.

>>1534294
hahaha, one of my favs.

>>1534232
well, you travelled almost two years on the same spaceship, filmed live 24:24 with the same guy, all that to land on a small planet full of rocks and devoid of life. moral. law or anything. something as fucked-up as this must happen.

>> No.1534474

>>1534454
He'd do some fucking geology. The Americans sent one real geologist to the moon, on the last moon mission. Hopefully they wouldn't leave the science to non-scientists on Mars.

>> No.1534476

NO ONE STEALS OUR CHICKS AND LIVES

>> No.1534480

>>1534467

>> well, you travelled almost two years on the same spaceship, filmed live 24:24

So much is wrong with that it makes me want to cry.

>> No.1534482

whatever the fuck high ups told me before and we practiced it 100s of times, just like it happened on the Appolo missions.

>> No.1534485

>>1534482
>just like it happened on the Apollo missions.

Yeah, he fucked it up and made it epic though

>> No.1534487

Rephrasing
"Huston, the [lander name] has landed. Proceeding to set up temporary base."
You don't have to be such a self-righteous glory-hogging cunt about it.

>> No.1534488

>>1534467

Fuck you, it'll be me!

>> No.1534498

"This is one... er... line?"

>> No.1534511
File: 28 KB, 898x743, furry cub anthro hentai nude digimon.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534511

>>1534457
yep. internet must have a shitty ping on mars...

>>1534439
>>1534456
this.
you traveled on a ship with a bunch of other mateys, you have no rules and a few minutes after the take-off you probably all agreed to cut the communications between the ship and earth.

you have no more rules, no more morals, no more masters and you claim yourselves the owners of your spaceship and whatever the flags you were carrying they are probably already ejected somewhere between the earth and moon.

there you can finally enjoy being really independent and autonomous.

that means,
>>1534432
this.

>> No.1534512
File: 656 KB, 320x240, 443245_o.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534512

I'd just do this in front of the camera, like good ol crouchy.

>> No.1534513

Respice post te; hominem te memento.

>Raynor the
... viral bastard.

>> No.1534523

"LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH"

*take helmet off*

>> No.1534526

"Oh crap, I think I left the lights on back home. BRB"

>> No.1534530

>Land on mars
>Poke hole in suit for lulz
>Everyone at NASA rages when all the astronauts are dead and they're down ~$50,000,000,000

>> No.1534531

"This is the new King of Mars. Do not try to land here."

>> No.1534536

>Land on Mars
>Dismantle spaceship and habitation module
>Make giant gun instead
>Fire tripods at Earth
u mad?

>> No.1534545

>be a jew
>be the first human on Mars
>say "Oh fuck, the jews are here too!"

>> No.1534546

ALLAH AKHBAR

>> No.1534547

"One small step for me, a large leap fo- PINGAS PINGAS PINGAS!!!"

>> No.1534554

>land on mars
>everyone expecting huge speech
>turn off microphone
>turn off camera
>step on surface
>turn everything back on
>you mad, earth?

>> No.1534556

ITT: The human race is doomed. Forget zombies, the trollpocalypse is here!

>> No.1534557
File: 243 KB, 400x400, Collectors_Leader_Character_Shot.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534557

"That's one small step foASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL"

>> No.1534558
File: 15 KB, 636x436, erzftyu;jynh4t.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534558

>>1534523
well there's still a little co2 atmosphere on mars, it's like if you eject from a plane at 15,000 ft. i guarantee you're going to quickly put it back, but it's something i'd try, too.

>> No.1534581

wtf all this work for this? I should have stayed home

>> No.1534588

I'd whip out my dick and become the first person to cum on Mars.

Fuck yeah.

>> No.1534590

>>1534430
Come on, imagine how hilarious it would be if the entire human race, centuries, or even millenia from now, all knows that the first word spoken by the first human being to ever set foot on another planet was "Niggers".

>> No.1534602

"Have your herped so hard you derped?"

>> No.1534606

>>1534590
>implying it wouldn't be imminently covered up

I'm not a conspirtorist or anything, but thats exactly what i'd do if thats what that fuck face did

Also, it make sure he never gets back to earth

>> No.1534618

Shiiiiiit nigga.

>> No.1534624

>>1534590

"There's niggers, Jim. Everywhere."

>> No.1534627

>>1534606
What if you I said "negus"?

>> No.1534639

I'd hold up a notecard to the camera that said "Hi /sci/, greetings from Mars!" with the date and time and everything.
Then I would spam DESU

>> No.1534645

I would use the fact that everybody on earth would listen to my message in order to make people aware of whatever they need to be aware of at that time.
For example that niggers as well as muslims suck.

>> No.1534679

YOU ARE ALL IMMATURE CHILDREN.

This thread proves why only heroes are allowed stare at god in the face.

>> No.1534680
File: 166 KB, 975x1280, L6002.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534680

>>1534679


did someone call for a hero?

>> No.1534687

This thread implies that America will land on Mars first.

LOL - enjoy listening to either a Chinese/Russian/Eurogibber transmission from Mars...

>> No.1534691
File: 37 KB, 389x400, yuri-gagarin-in-space.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534691

>>1534680
Sorry, he called for a hero, not for a faggot

>> No.1534698
File: 68 KB, 378x195, mad_max_beyond_thunderdome.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534698

>>1534680

We don't need another hero.

>> No.1534722
File: 688 KB, 3000x3000, 1252255480652.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534722

Heroes, Heroes everywhere.

>> No.1534728

I don't know any Chinese or Japanese.

Dozoyoroshiku onegaishimasu!?

>> No.1534734

Or

DAO JALAH!

>> No.1534742
File: 29 KB, 450x299, fahne.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534742

>>1534722
wir sind die wahren Helden, Mars für Deutschland

>> No.1534750

"In your face America. I'm a REAL viking lander!"

>> No.1534753
File: 61 KB, 504x701, affichealliee.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534753

>>1534742
out, kraut.

>> No.1534755

op is a faggot

thats what id say

>> No.1534767

FRED FRED BURGER

>> No.1534783

Ta ta ta ta da!

>> No.1534798

"One small step for A man, one giant leap for mankind. See! EVEN I COULD SAY IT RIGHT. ARMSTRONG SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HIMSELF. Also, this is a fake landing, we're in Hollywood, CA right now."

>> No.1534837
File: 60 KB, 295x230, brucewillis.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534837

"YIPPEE KI-YAY MOTHER FUCKERS."
captcha: person arming

>> No.1534851

I would like to first thank our sponser, because the U.S. government where cheap fuckwads and couldn't pay for this themselves.

>> No.1534868

Fuck you, man. Your bombs killed my grandparents.

>> No.1534884
File: 434 KB, 643x361, 1268454599678.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534884

"Needs more Phobos."

>> No.1534896
File: 3 KB, 300x57, captcha..jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534896

>> No.1534912
File: 5 KB, 222x228, sss.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1534912

WHERE ARE THE MARTIANS

>> No.1535016

"Now... Where's The Doctor?!" *searches*

>> No.1535028

"check my doubles"

>> No.1535032

"Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"

>> No.1535073

"I got all those cancers from the radiation just for this piece of rock? Great. Another place to fuck up."

>> No.1535112
File: 226 KB, 320x240, 1270446711223.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1535112

"Listen, bitches, It's time that you sandniggers in the middle east stop fighting over <insert whatever the fuck they're fighting over here>, and just live together in piece.
Stop being asshats, and work together, life will be much better for both you and everyone else.
Also, Germans, French people and Italians, start learning English, seriously, the world is way better if everyone can communicate easily.
And YOU, you people who deny evolution, you should look at the evidence, and THEN make up your mind, not the other way around."


Well, that's just off the top of my head.
Would probably prepare an extremely long speech on the trip, much longer than that.

>> No.1535266

Jizzed in my pants.

>> No.1535276

'oh dear god what the fuck is that?!!'
then cut off radio contact for a few minutes

>> No.1535284

>>1534798
armstrong did say it right, it was just interference

>> No.1535293

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"

"....the fuck do you mean that's taken?"

"....I don't care if Armstrong said it, he's dead now."

"....The fuck? still alive? dude's gotta be like 90?"

"...Buzz Aldrin's still alive too, wtf?"

".... Fuck you, ya history nut, I'm the one on Mars, asshole"

>> No.1535317

me"y'all know that shit venom from spiderman is, rite?"
NASA"...yeah?"
me"yep, i think that thing is on m*manly-ass scream*"
me"fuck yeah"

>> No.1535324

I'd look around for a while, and after a moment I'd ask the question "Where's you god now?"

>> No.1535325

>>1535293
and then advertise for products while i'm up there.

"ya know John, while you get that thingamabob set up, you'll really work up an appetite. Ya know what I like to eat during a space mission? Snickers."

"Hungry? grab a snickers"

>> No.1535330

>>1535325
>Snickers
>made by Mars inc.

I see what u did thar.

>> No.1535332
File: 143 KB, 573x355, 1278023780381.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1535332

>>1534588
This. The joys of being the first man to fap on another planet!
Also, my first speech would have to be
"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!!!!!!!"

>> No.1535351

>>1535276
Trolling NASA have never been so fun before.

>> No.1535768

>>1535332
don't worry they have enough time to cut the video. on the old planet they will pretend it never happened.

>> No.1535791

A huge leap for a man, a ridiculously small step for mankind.

>> No.1535796

*Post in 4chan and get a GET*
*Type 'Mars GET'*

>> No.1535803

"And then I got my WHOLE FIST IN 'ER!"

>Captcha: "or deprave"

>> No.1535806

"A huge step for A man, a small step for mankind.

There, Armstrong, you fucker, I fixed your mistake. You're fucking welcome."

>> No.1535809

Throw on my trollface and say, "God isn't real lol. Nigger kike spic gook paki lololol."

>> No.1535810

"HOLY SHIT YURI GAGARIN GOT HERE ALREADY"

>> No.1535828

>>1534089
We come here tOUCH my TOE!! Fucking stone you bloody goddamn stone-sonofabitch. OUCH OUCH OUCH this freaking motherfucking piece of shit why does it fucking have to be there under the bloody ladder. Could noone of you NASA goatfuckers foresee this and give me a bloody protection on the shoes...

What? What do you mean we are live?

The whole Earth?

Son of a bitch.

>> No.1535841 [DELETED] 
File: 496 KB, 612x488, 1275909646090.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1535841

>Sandwich at subway
>Any bread I want
>Choice of fillings

>> No.1535845

>>1534089

"Don't mind me. Just taking this first fap to benefit all of humanity!"

In reality I will probably be speechless and would only perhaps manage to mutter so previously planned phrase.

>> No.1535855 [DELETED] 
File: 543 KB, 516x564, 1270856250720.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1535855

Wait what?

>> No.1535865

Neil Armstrong ain't got nothing on me.

>> No.1535908

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1Sku1Iolog

Just repeat everything in this video over and over.

holla holla get $
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
aeiyo
here comes another chinese earthquake brbrbbrbrbrbrbrbbrbrbbrbrbrrbrbr
john madden john madden

>> No.1535926

I'd very gently whisper "Holy shit..." but make sure it's fully audible.

>> No.1535969
File: 103 KB, 2486x1914, mars_sunset.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1535969

>>1535926
i would say
>holy shit, It's beautiful

pic related, its the sunset

>> No.1536493
File: 12 KB, 500x273, total_recall_remake.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1536493

GOT MY ASS TO MARS

>> No.1536507

where da hood at???

>> No.1536532

>>1534147
came here to say this

>> No.1536542

"SCV good to go sir."

>> No.1536544

I can't think of anything. I'd probably just steal a few lines from Sagan and hope no one notices.

>> No.1536554

"Finders keepers"

>> No.1536567

"OHHH MAAAAH GOOOOODD, ORANGE PLANETTTT WOOOOOOOO"

>> No.1536569

I'd plant a personally-designed flag I had stowed aboard before launch and say "I hereby claim this planet in the name of [my name here]-ia."