What's happening when I'm on adderall

[Anonymous No.15040639]

From the perspective of one lurking sci on 4 chins
I'd like to avoid a "biological explaination", as I find this wholly unrooted in tangible existence.

When I take a high dose of adderall on occasion, say once a month or so, things feel as they ought to be.
My compulsions are essentially eliminated. There is no more compulsive behavior.
Adderall, to me, is not an "appetite suppressant", but it is eliminating compulsive consumption because 'something else' is being increased.
Rumination is eliminated. People will say something like "adhd problems with executive function" but again, this is absent existential tangibility.
My thoughts become more of a choice, and my 'intuition' is doing all the work. When I'm not on adderall, I have trended into thought-spam as a way to make sense of what it is I ought to do. When on adderall, that's not necessary. Things become a 'knowing'. I know exactly what I ought to do.
To materialise the bodies sensations into a thoughtform thus becomes a choice or a tool to assist in my lived experience. My thoughts and imagination projections become a tool to utilize on top of what it is I am actually doing. What it is I feel inclined to do, based on what I would call a heightened self-attunement.

[Anonymous No.15040642]

I become significantly more dynamic and playful, as I become extremely present. I sense my experience much more. I am improvisational, engaging with the world around me much more.
Thus, the 'get shit done' component is tied to a sincere self-confidence not relative to any social reflection, or any fear of failure, but because I feel sufficiently self-attuned.
Without adderall I am not socially unconfident. I am not afraid of failure. But there can be this discomfort that I am not doing what I ought to, because of all feeling of the absence of self-attunement.

I don't feel high on adderall. I feel untethered of compulsion, the stress the compulsion brings, the ramifications of compulsive choices. I feel properly attuned to self.
As a result of the absence of rumination and compulsion, the self focus significantly dissipates, and my focus on others and things outside myself generously increases.

[Anonymous No.15040650]

The studies become a genuine connection with what I'm experiencing.
I'm sufficiently feeling when I've gone down a path long enough, and can feel when I ought to pay attention to other people or aspects of my life.
There is no "addiction" here, because there is no compulsion. I am either growing and learning by what I'm engaged in, or using something as an added tool for my life. But there's no "pull" of addiction (outside of, say, genuine curiosity and exploration)

I can keep track of "time" much better, because I can feel my balance and what I ought to tend to.
Without this, I can spiral into the infinite down any direction, because of an absence of self attunement, and knowing when I've had my fill.
Food is eaten until it is not longer of interest, but without adderall, I can and often do consume until I'm about to explode (though I am a healthy physique).

I did not realize that I had control over rumination. The stress from the rumination would cause me to seek vices that caused me further strife to balance the stress from all the thought spam.

[Anonymous No.15040659]

Adderall showed me a door.
I tried taking it consistently, but it doesn't offer what I'm searching for like this. I am offered no contrast, it normalizes too fast and those major effects dissipate into, essentially, just less of what I ascribe as problematic symptoms. It doesn't remind me of what it's like without them.
I'm also not a fan of the mood stabilization, as intense moments feel more curbed. That can be useful, but not consistently.
Even my memory took a huge leap. As I was going about my days, I was sensing much more. If I wanted to know where I put the scissors, I just instantly knew, even if they were not in an organized place, because I was present and sensing when I placed them down. I could quickly and easily sync up to where they were without having to rationalize.

So, sci, what exactly is going on.
More importantly, what are some methods to sufficiently gather this level of self attunement, sensing, and presence.
I wouldn't say I've been meditating, but I've been putting way more stock in being present in sensing and feeling my experience. Turning off the brooding, thinking, 'rationalizing'.
But it can feel sort of scary making choices when you don't even feel like yourself.
It can feel slightly jarring to say that adderall gives me a glimpse into actually being myself for a few hours.

[Anonymous No.15040688]

You're getting high on dope. The dope is making you delusional and making you perceive a performance enhancement. The performance enhancement might be real, but over time it lessens and eventually begins to become a massive negative on your mind. High doses of stimulants are proven to cause permanent brain damage in the literature. Yes, they will help you temporarily, but the moment you start abusing them and taking them in high dosages you begin to destroy yourself. Look at this massive text wall you have posted. You spent a good amount of time worshiping dope on 4chan when you could have been doing something productive. Is it really helping you?

Continue on this path and you will find yourself a retarded methhead on the sidewalk. Go ahead and become yet another who said it wouldn't happen to them. Just don't cry when your life is destroyed.

Stop taking the pills or take them as rxed.

[Anonymous No.15040699]

>>15040688
As I said I only take a large dose in rarities as a reminder. 30~MG maybe once a month.
I don't feel "high" when I'm on it, it feels like I am absent in things that naturally cause me issues without it.

It's helped me train my brain while sober into being much more present.

These walls of texts are what I'm talking about. I'm not in adderall now and haven't used it in a couple weeks or so. This is what is standardized for me if I don't work to avoid intellectualizing my biological experience.
And it's not even an onslaught of words, but the nature of them being absent self connection.
When I take adderall there is no walls of text, everything becomes an intuitive knowing and understanding.

I have achieved a state like that before. Not on any drug, it was more of a fluke. I was sensing and feeling much more, outside my head and outside compulsion.

For the record, I was prescribed add meds for 5 years from 98-2003, and I hadn't taken them since until recently.

I have no addictions to report on, outside of compulsive consumption, thoughts, some common behaviors, and sometimes cigarettes.

My "productivity" on adderall ramps up because I feel sufficiently self attuned. I know what it is I ought to do at all times, and act accordingly.
When I'm not on it, things feel more like chores, which I still tend to, it's just different.

[Anonymous No.15040798]

>>15040639
I take about 45mg of Dex every day. I never take any more but I think I should be on about 60, but the gov won't let me. I haven't changed the dose in over two years though. I'd say I get about the same amount of work done but it's more focused. Time seems to go faster too, two hours feels like one

[Anonymous No.15040809]

>>15040639
ur on meth son

[Anonymous No.15040821]

>>15040809
Essentially. But the stigma of that is preventing an understanding of the virtue of a drug.
The drug isn't the problem. The dependency and compulsion towards a drug is the issue.
I'm attempting to wire my brain similarly to my experience on adderall.

I want to make clear, though, that I do not feel "methy" while on it. I don't feel paranoia or frantic or speedy.
I feel very tranquil. I can very easily meditate on adderall. It has actually helped me slow down significantly when I take it.
I can stay up for a number of days if I wish, or I can sleep peacefully for a prolonged period an hour after taking them
People with 'add' who takes these medications do not experience the same effects as those without add.

There's a few people addicted to full on meth in my neighborhood, and I would not ascribe my behavior as at all similar to theirs.

[Anonymous No.15040871]

>>15040821
Not going to lie, man. It just sounds like it's giving you mild mania. I don't ever feel more motivated when I take that shit unless I was already at least partially motivated in the first place. It doesn’t touch my social anxiety, just makes the blathering at least understandable, mostly cohesive, and easier to keep up with.
If it's giving you literal feelings of euphoria and making you into a social butterfly, then it looks more like a light episode of mania with little negative.

[Anonymous No.15040876]

Your brain is excerting dopamine and other chemicals so that you aren't bound by the compulsiveness of status-quo life and society.
We aren't ment to stress about work, money and what people think about us in order to find food, shelter and a mate which forms us. Our biological brain still gets its thrills from hunting, fucking and hiding- not from sitting in an office doing mundane tasks over and over again. Adderral frees.you from those chains, but at a cost.

[Anonymous No.15040878]

>>15040639
>When I take amphetamines I feel euphoria
Hm, this is an unheard of phenomenon.

[Anonymous No.15040889]

>>15040878
It can be a challenge to discern, but I don't feel "hogh" on adderall.
It could be, though, that the sensation of euphoria is curbing all these other symptoms I'm having issues with.

The most bizarre of all is the feeling of my intuition being heightened.
Is it something like, I'm feeling a higher dose of serotonin/dopamine, thus causing me to feel more present?

[Anonymous No.15040892]

>>15040889
Euphoria is a version of "being high". You're going to increase the number of dopamine receptors in your brain and permanently burn out on this shit. You understand that, yes?

[Anonymous No.15040897]

>>15040876
I had assumed it was akin to this.
I am training myself (without any chemical additives) to derive value and stimuli from the process of what I'm doing, and less the final result, or some altogether reward later in the day.

I think compulsion can come from people understanding individual means of balancing out the stress of their lives with choice easy-to-receive dopamine hits.
Thus we've sundered the effort(stressor)+reward combo that we're biologically wired into receiving.
What's worse is we get used to receiving dopamine for no work, and the work we do is without stimuli in the process, stressing ourselves for someone else.

It's actually pretty regressive culturally, as we tend to neglect the act of stress altogether, when it can exist as a function of personal development and tending to that which holds us back. We effectively work on ourselves less, unless the process is easily digestible.
Like our yin yang stress component is being siphoned from us for cultural purposes

[Anonymous No.15040907]

>>15040871
Well, as said, I take a larger dose rarely, which comes with profound effects.
I believe I'm well conditioned enough to not feel depression on any comedowns, which I haven't had so far.
It can just feel jarring being so absent in self-attunement.
My sober brain is racing through thoughts and language concepts in order to justify or rationalize xy choice, but while taking that, I am intuitively aware of what I am to tend to, because I am sensing and feeling that which I am connected to.

I wouldn't frame it as though adderall is motivating me, rather I am stripped of that which is causing me 'noise', and thus am able to feel aware of what I need to tend to in order to progress on an entirely personal level, outside of what we do to upkeep forced cultural requirements (not the social stuff)

I am already capable of being a social butterfly with or without, and I enjoy doing it. It's just the person I feel on adderall is more in sync and sensing what is going on.
I have had issues with scripting beforehand, but when I take that, it all just naturally flows in the moment. Things come around much more naturally, and I feel at least less an inauthentic social character that simply understands what established social rhythms will elicit positive responses in my environment.
I find I am able to sense or feel or sync up to the individual I'm communicating with and have a more sincere interaction. It's like I can quickly sense what would make them personally laugh, for example.

This is not exclusive to social interactions, but that's just an example.

I'm not anxious about talking and approaching people, but the "who" that comes out can feel somewhat alien and simply nicely acquainted with the environment along with some established banter chops.
But the "who" projected while on adderall feels way more in sync and authentic.
I don't like the implications of saying I don't quite feel like I'm in my element when I'm not using it, but it's difficult to deny.

[Anonymous No.15040910]

>>15040871
Again I don't feel addicted, nor depressed when I'm off it.
I feel the same as I had felt before taking it.
It's only that this has shown me another means of operation that feels right to me.
And it's actually helped me quite a bit in at least understanding and seeing outside my box. You don't know what you don't know sort of thing.
And from there, I've been better able to train myself to be feeling and sensing more. Outside of all this jargon, at the least.

[Anonymous No.15040915]

>>15040892
I took 10 MG twice a day from 10 to 15 every weekday
I now might take 30mg once a month
I'm not bothered
In any case, the brain is wondrously reprogrammable. You can, even by sheer force, turn up the volume on the rest of your life.
I can focus and apply my 'energy' to all various things and begin to derive dopamine hits from it.

I've had to learn as much, as what is classified as my ADD could be akin to disassociation

[Anonymous No.15040924]

>>15040871
Also I would like to add that I find it with modd stabilizing effects, which I'm not fond of.
When I take it I am more calm, 'middled, or less frantic, stemming from a self confidence that i feel deeply self attuned. When you feel this level of self-connection, envirnonmental expectations are no bother. I feel as though I am authentically expressing myself. What could bring more sincere confidence and healthy ego than that?

[Anonymous No.15040928]

>>15040924
Mood*stabilizing

[Anonymous No.15041054]

>>15040639
Idk about aderral but man I wish I had an IO arcana rn

[Anonymous No.15041098]

you're treating adhd

euphoria is unfocused, certain anons are a bit stuck in the drug war propaganda (dopamine does more than just reward signaling, and adderall does more than just flood dopamine)

it's likely an indicator that the dosage you're describing would be a reasonably therapeutic one for you. the noticeable difference is likely coming from the delay in between doses; contrary to the fearmongering ITT (and in a lot of ADHD-related threads - i blame American politics for dumping boomers all over the site), you can essentially reset your tolerance by just... taking a break from it. it's arguable that the "every day, forever" instructions that pharma loves are not the most effective way to treat ADHD with these medications, but that's another discussion.

out of curiosity, do lower doses make you sleepy as fuck? i think that's basically the strongest indicator that you're actually treating ADHD and not just experiencing mania

[Anonymous No.15041288]

>>15041098
not OP but reading your comment:
>out of curiosity, do lower doses make you sleepy as fuck?
was interesting - I haven't heard others with the diagnosis mention this but I was very surprised by it when I started medication. not that I take this as the sole indication for myself (those would be the reasons I started treatment in the first place lmao), but good to know that it's associated with the disorder. thanks lol

[Anonymous No.15041490]

>>15041098
>out of curiosity, do lower doses make you sleepy as fuck?
I haven't tried before.
Would you say a 10mg?

I'm going to incline towards no, because I feel more participatory. But I have slept and napped on 30mg early into the dosing.

Sleeping is a product of healing or regeneration. I suspect there may be some avoidance happening, and when I'm on adderall, that subsides. The tiredness may be the processing of the roots of that avoidance within the body.

[Anonymous No.15041493]

>>15041098
More or less, tiredness feels like a choice that I am able to overcome if I wish.
I can energize myself off my experience way easier, like how you would thrust out of bed for a vacation.
I am also so much more in tandem with my body that I am able to enter deep meditation and scan my body for anything feeling damaged, and focus on that part of myself while in a toned-down state, and, I feel, assist in the restoration process.

So to answer your question....i essentially have the controller on tiredness either way.

[Anonymous No.15041498]

>>15041098
>it's arguable that the "every day, forever" instructions that pharma loves are not the most effective
I was actually thinking just this morning how stigmatized it would be to take large doses more rarely.
I feel taking it less often only reminds me of what's possible if I sufficiently train my sober brain.
I lose this understanding if I take it daily.