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/sci/ - Science & Math

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1467392 No.1467392 [Reply] [Original]

I'm honestly curious. Convert me with your creativity.

>> No.1467405

Hipposism.

Worship them big white bitches.

>> No.1467404
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1467404

A big dragon birthed 100 human females and 100 human males 20,000 years ago and the humans killed the dragon for feed and then started killing other animals

>> No.1467414

Hubbard tried this 50 years ago. Look where it got us.

>> No.1467423

All is mine. All is yours. What is right in your world in not in mine BUT you are completely right in your world. That being said, I'll still try to conquer you. Because all is mine and all is yours.

>> No.1467429
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1467429

>>1467404

>> No.1467430

One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES?

"O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!"

WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.

"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

"But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."

OH. WELL, THEN STOP.

At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.

>> No.1467432

The only deity is the human race. To this deity we must dedicate our lives to its continued prosperity and welfare. To kill a deity will put you outside the care of the collective ie: the fucking jungle. It is our own human ingenuity that has built this civilization, and so we must continue down this path to achieve the next step in our societal evolution.

>> No.1467433

>>1467414
And before that, some 1500 and 2000 years ago two fags named mohammed and jesus invented their own religions and THOSE got us so deep in shit we might never come clean of it.

So be careful.

>> No.1467436

Solipsism.

Worship me forever.

Once I have half the world under my control, I commit suicide and watch everyone go batshit insane

>> No.1467438

>>1467430
I have successfully been converted.

>> No.1467441

>>1467436
>I commit suicide and watch everyone go batshit insane
wat

>> No.1467444

>>1467430

I love you.

>> No.1467457

About 100 years ago an alien created the American government and made up historical stories. He created all of the life on Earth for a science class project. He now enjoys toying with our minds with schemes such as McDonalds and Sarah Palin.

>> No.1467468

>>1467441
Exactly. It's a metareligion

>> No.1467472

We're brains in jars. Those alien fuckers are watching our behaviour for some experiment to see how we figure out the world was created. I say:

WE STOP WITH PHILOSOPHY AND START FAPPING.

It's their fucking job to figure it out, not ours.

>> No.1467473

>>1467404
copyrighted

polynesian creation myth of Io and similar to the sumerian myth of Tiamat

>> No.1467475

In the beginning, there was nothing, except the good old fashion smell, of hickory smoked bacon. Now, this bacon eventuality materialized itself to form strands of bacon, and these were the first to live.Now, these bacon soon became bored, so they used their all powerful might to create a utopia, they created all sorts of things, but their most profound creation, was man. Now, after living in harmony, always being together, and making belief together, man became rebellious, and wanted the power of the bacon. So, one day, the man caught one of the almighty bacon strips, and began to tear at him with the mouth, bestowed by the gods, he soon grew more powerful, and more able. The bacon soon discovered their mistake on creating man, but were too inferior, for some reason, to stop man from killing more deities, being a deity itself. So, bacon multiplied by the millions, and came together to for what is now know as "pig" to hide from man, but after some time, man found ways of retrieving bacon from the pig.
The more bacon we consume, the more powerful we grow, becoming what once created us.

>> No.1467481

>>1467457

see mine:

>>1467472

You are a smart person and I like you.

>> No.1467490

>>1467475

THOSE ARE REPLICATORS MOTHERFUCKER.

>> No.1467505

>>1467430 continued

GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.

GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.

GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.

GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
M2: To dissolve them.
GP: Will you develop that point?
M2: No.

GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain the meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
GP: Is that the answer to my question?
M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your question is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!

>> No.1467508

unified polytheism /animism /abrahamic mysticism /global tribal religions in some sort of Dn'D or Xena way... also deified historical people. Wiccanism is lame but I would retain some practices in order to have nude half-crazy chicks dancing under the moonlight listening to celtic music.

>> No.1467511

>>1467473
The fuck? I was trying to create the most ridiculous religion

>> No.1467514

u must suck my dick or be stoned and spend eternity in hell

>> No.1467527

>>1467505

I beg you, make a homepage or something or email me all of your opinions and just about everything that goes on inside your brain. PLEASE. I'm begging you.

>> No.1467529

>>1467505
This is almost as win as pt 1.

>> No.1467543

>>1467511
coincidentally both are among the oldest recorded creation myths if not the oldest

I think that tells a lot about the original purpose of religion...

>> No.1467552

>>1467527
Every generation, in their time, comes to know Eris and all Her works.

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~tilt/principia/body.html

>> No.1467562
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1467562

Dragonism

A big dragon was the cause of the Earth's destruction. Life restart everytime after the dragon's rampage.

Some magical Hermaphrodites known as Magypsie are the one who can seal the beast Into a slumber, and only those with the Power known as PK HELL can unseal the seven seals. Their hearts will be the one switching the Dragon's will to destroy or not the planet.

>> No.1467566

>>1467508
oh... and Cthulu mythos of course

>> No.1467574

>>1467527
For Your Enlightenment

THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA
by Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P. POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal

When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there into the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in his endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a pan left standing from the night before, when he had in his weakness forgot about its making and had let it sit steeping for 24 hours. It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc's intention to use this old tea by diluting it with water. And again in his weakness, chose without further consideration and plunged into the physical labor of the preparations. It was then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of that trip, he had a sudden loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter tea that involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside intensified, and the pattern, previously established with the physical laboring and the muscle messages coordinated and unified or perhaps coded, continued to exert their influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied the voice.

And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the task, and Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter.

>> No.1467587
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1467587

At first, Coke gave birth to a robot. This robot was lonely like hell, so he decided to take the earth and make It Into a human.

After making a nation of human, the robot was still lonely. The humans killed him and then colonized the planet.

>> No.1467588

>>1467574

I'm printing this shit.

>> No.1467590

I remember last year me and my robotics team went to the BEST nationals. One of our sponsors is a huge Baptist. He ended up making a huge prayer circle to pray for victory. Me and some other non-religious guys made our own, smaller circle, but ended up staying there for 10 minutes praying to Xenu, Allah and Muhammed, Krishna and Shiva, and Satan. Needless to say, we got 2nd with all our bases covered.

>> No.1467596

>>1467588
GREYFACE
In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order around you," he said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.

It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.

The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.

It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.

>> No.1467607

His greatness, he which controls all time and creation, has created this multiverse with a number of purposes. We are coming upon a time in which one of these purposes is coming to be fulfilled.

Our planet was created, along with countless others, to develop an acceptable degree of intelligence. Our holy doctrine states that at a certain point in time, the most intelligent 3% of our species will be granted an immortal body, free to roam the cosmos; unrestrained by our current needs for air and sustinance, yet capable of unfathomable strength, speed, and mental capacity. Our mission during this time will be to explore the cosmos; to be the cartographers of the new age; mapping, documenting, experimenting, until a new divine purpose has been laid before our eyes.

How will this 3% minority be determined? On what basis will our intelligence be measured? To what extent will we work to have to achieve this goal?

That, my friends, will be the subject of this Sunday's sermon.

>> No.1467614

In the beginning there was Daedra. They were gods. The chimer believed in the daedra. The dwemer did not. A chimer whore, knows as vivec soon became a well-known daedra pet. Vivec had intercourse with many daedra lords and he created many creatures. The dwemer knew that the daedra were gods, but they did not care because they had no obligation to believe in them.

OH MY GOD MY MOM BOUGHT A FLUFFY BUNNY.

>> No.1467627
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1467627

OBEY ME

>> No.1467642
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1467642

>>1467607

>> No.1467648

>>1467627
Right because I am going to be-LAALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD!!!

>> No.1467662

>>1467596

Are you an author or something? Gimme your pseudonym.

>> No.1467702

>>1467627
I'll never ob-ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD!!!

>> No.1467707

>>1467627
>>1467648
>>1467702

fuck. not even trying to mask the samefag..

>> No.1467713

>>1467627
This meme is getting old really quic-HYPNOTOAD!

>> No.1467739

Once upon a time, there was a god. He was not omniscient, but he was a very good mathematician. One day, he got into an argument with another god about the power of mathematics, and he boasted that he could use mathematics to create living souls. To back up his point, he offered a complicated existence proof that a certain mathematical system must contain souls somewhere in it. But the other god was skeptical. He argued that mathematics did not work at all, and that it was circular to assume that abstract mathematical proofs were valid in order to prove the utility of mathematics.

So the first god, unwilling to lose an argument, implemented the system in which he had proven that living souls must arise. The system was fairly simple, and the computational power available to the gods vast, so doing so was rather easy. But the universe he created was enormous, and finding the life within it was no trivial matter. For eons, he has searched, but so far he hasn't found us. Count us lucky, for the day he does, he will show us to the other god, and having proved his point, he will turn the universe off.

>> No.1467741

>>1467702
hells no, the Principia is older than I am.

>> No.1467760
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1467760

>>1467627

>> No.1468115

>>1467627
forced meme was never fu- ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO TOAD!

>> No.1468148

>>1467739
/thread

>> No.1468168

No need to make shit up, here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

>> No.1468179

All hail the grand Kill Bot! The Kill Bot cares not for race or creed, the Kill bot cares not of what mysticisms your heart is given to, the Kill bot cares not of what bizarre sexual predilections drive you, the kill bot is only concerned if you are a heat signature moving at greater than .2 meters per second.

>> No.1468180

>>1467739
>Implying that demonstrating existence on one universe proves existence on every universe
This god is not a very good mathematician.

>> No.1468188

Everything is based on a principle of humility. You don't have to care or love some one, you treat them well based on the humility that you don't have any choice but to be on the same planet as they are.

Matrilineal society where every one fucks for recreation, and volunteer mothers incubate the best genes that particular community has to offer. No c-sections. No marriage.

There is no holy day, but every one is encouraged to use N,N DMT a few times a year.

>> No.1468190
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1468190

Why is there no Immortal God Emperor of Mankind in this thread?

>> No.1468198
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1468198

>> No.1468208

Freddy Mercury is LORD and LORD is love. FREDDY sent his music to die for us on the cross and inspired millions.
THE ONLY way to know anything about music is to accept FREDDY'S FREE GIFT of his CDs.
FREDDY MERCURY IS REAL and he loves you very much!:D

We can ask for FREDDY'S blessing by singing the following song:
"I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro
Magnifico-o-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity "

I'm a priest of Mercury :)

>> No.1468223

our symbol is a bear with chainsaws.

our rites include mud wrestling, oil wrestling and throwing bananas at gorillas in a cage.
also you get all the afterlife benefits of all the other religions without any of the costs.

>> No.1468225

Taking the pissism

the belief that god exists, and gives his true believers gifts of tax reduction, moral superiority, and the ability to sue almost anyone in his name.

A-FUCKING-MEN

>> No.1468226

Fuck, something were we worship the sun because it deserves it since it provides us with all life.

I think its been done before. Makes more sense that most religions

>> No.1468257

My religion teaches that there is no god, but you should still behave because that's the right thing to do. Also, you'll go to jail if you don't.

>> No.1468663

FUCK. This hasn't 404'd?!?!?!?! O.o

>> No.1468664

>>1468663
/sci/ is a slow board

>> No.1468679

odinism

>> No.1468682

Pastafarianism.

>> No.1468685

sagrism

>> No.1468727

>>1468679
more like Onanism.

>> No.1468750

fractalism:
reality is a pattern that repeats itself on micro and macro scales. smaller parts and systems combine to form increasingly more complex systems. complex systems can be broken into smaller parts. this continues infinitely in either the micro or macro directions, and also is very relevant to living systems.

>> No.1468771

Vlar-Cult

Spider goddess. Spider goddess everywhere!

>> No.1468773

Everybody should convert to YALORTism, and worship the eternal dragon YALORT! creator of the 4 natural elements and the 2 moral elements, along with ether and fig.

Worship YALORT now or prepare to be smitten where you stand.

>> No.1468789
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1468789

Sweet, I call dibs on "Awsomism."

>> No.1468810

>>1468679
sup Varg

>> No.1468848

Slurfism.

The belief that being a cheerful, kind person will please the people you like and piss the ever-living fuck out of everyone you despise

Why slurfism? Who the fuck knows, leave it alone

...which incidentally brings me to the most important point: it's based on agnosticism, because people arguing with no proof on either side makes baby porcupines sad :(