/sci/ - Science & Math

[Anonymous No.1429446]

Your face when we are first contacted by alien lifeforms.
> Pic related

[Anonymous No.1429463]

[Anonymous No.1429483]

[Anonymous No.1429487]

[снайпер No.1429494]

I heard they'll teleport important bits out of all our guns so we can't shoot them.

[Anonymous No.1429497]

[Anonymous No.1429500]

>>1429494

nah that's just something from SG-1

[Anonymous No.1429537]

[Anonymous No.1429547]

>>1429463
>>1429497
These are actually good "my face" responses

[Anonymous No.1429577]

My face when first contact is a simultaneous global orbital bombardment.

[Anonymous No.1429595]

Purge the xenos, or whatever.

[Anonymous No.1429600]

>>1429446

[Anonymous !!LJ3Ub+SjkCA No.1429601]

Oh FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

[Anonymous No.1429630]

[Anonymous No.1429637]

[Anonymous No.1429647]

[Anonymous No.1429658]

[Anonymous No.1429860]

Imagine if they are sexy as shit
like mithras

pic related

[снайпер No.1429864]

>>1429860
Imagine if they think OUR women are sexy as shit

[Anonymous No.1429872]

"Hoo-boy. This won't end well."

[Anonymous No.1429873]

There's no such thing as "alien lifeforms that contact humans". You've watched too much TV as a kid.

[Anonymous No.1429874]

I really, really hope it does not happen in my lifetime

because people my age are idiots.

[Anonymous No.1429880]

>>1429864
THEN WE SHARE!
We get mithas
they get our feminist cunts

WIN-WIN

[Anonymous No.1429885]

>My face, when ,OP, is implying that we haven't already been contacted by aliens.

[снайпер No.1429899]

>>1429885
Well, obviously we have.

But it was thousands of years ago, and they all fucked off when they gave up on us ever being something worthwhile.

[Latias !40m3P/PoKE No.1429908]

[Anonymous No.1429919]

>>1429899
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLg8swsX190
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo81LMy6Ug8&feature=related

[Anonymous No.1429928]

[Anonymous No.1430032]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-RPWhigpQg&annotation_id=annotation_194423&feature=iv

[снайпер No.1430050]

>>1429919
While these films are interesting, they're hardly conclusive evidence for much of anything.

I'm kinda interested in that blue thing in the second video though. Does it have a name?

[Anonymous No.1430062]

[Anonymous No.1430088]

>>1430050
It's a UFO, sniper, a UFO...

[снайпер No.1430121]

>>1430088
Yes, but usually people attach names to these sorts of things.

I'd be willing to bet that it was just a stray cosmic ray playing havoc with the film. Helluva lot more plausible than "it was a UFO, you can tell by how grainy it is"

[Anonymous No.1430135]

>>1429919
>0:58
>my face

[снайпер No.1430147]

>>1430088
Here, this thing.

What is it called?

[Anonymous No.1430160]

>>1430147
I have no idea, sniper.

[Anonymous No.1430161]

My mom says that if aliens really existed, they would have blown us to bits by now.
She's fucking retarded.

[снайпер No.1430166]

>>1430161
If aliens really existed, they'd probably be too busy facepalming to actually talk to us.

[Anonymous No.1430171]

>>1430166
Indeed.

[снайпер No.1430186]

>>1430160
Well that's not very helpful.

I want to find this recording from another source that isn't the youtube video you posted, just to confirm that it actually did show up on the film there, and wasn't edited in.

Then I want to try and figure out if its possible for a stray cosmic ray to do this to a camera or film.

The thing looks extremely artificial, and not in the "omg it's an alien" way. There doesn't seem to be any light reflecting from it off the surface, despite it obviously glowing a bright white-blue, and its tail looks pretty flat.

[Anonymous No.1430195]

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

[Anonymous No.1430199]

>>1430195

"No brain?"

"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"

"So... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"So what does the meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat?"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

[Anonymous No.1430204]

>>1430199

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

[Anonymous No.1430213]

[Anonymous No.1430219]

Made this tread, leaved, came back several hours and it is still going

[снайпер No.1430237]

Here's one I like...

[снайпер No.1430252]

!MESSAGE BEGINS

We made a mistake. That is the simple, undeniable truth of the matter, however painful it might be. The flaw was not in our Observatories, for those machines were as perfect as we could make, and they showed us only the unfiltered light of truth. The flaw was not in the Predictor, for it is a device of pure, infallible logic, turning raw data into meaningful information without the taint of emotion or bias. No, the flaw was within us, the Orchestrators of this disaster, the sentients who thought themselves beyond such failings. We are responsible.

It began a short while ago, as these things are measured, less than 6^6 Deeli ago, though I suspect our systems of measure will mean very little by the time anyone receives this transmission. We detected faint radio signals from a blossoming intelligence 2^14 Deelis outward from the Galactic Core, as photons travel. At first crude and unstructured, these leaking broadcasts quickly grew in complexity and strength, as did the messages they carried. Through our Observatories we watched a world of strife and violence, populated by a barbaric race of short-lived, fast breeding vermin. They were brutal and uncultured things which stabbed and shot and burned each other with no regard for life or purpose. Even their concepts of Art spoke of conflict and pain. They divided themselves according to some bizarre cultural patterns and set their every industry to cause of death.

They terrified us, but we were older and wiser and so very far away, so we did not fret. Then we watched them split the atom and breach the heavens within the breadth of one of their single, short generations, and we began to worry. When they began actively transmitting messages and greetings into space, we felt fear and horror. Their transmissions promised peace and camaraderie to any who were listening, but we had watched them for too long to buy into such transparent deceptions. They knew we were out here, and they were coming for us.

[снайпер No.1430255]

>>1430252
The Orchestrators consulted the Predictor, and the output was dire. They would multiply and grow and flood out of their home system like some uncountable tide of Devourer worms, consuming all that lay in their path. It might take 6^8 Deelis, but they would destroy us if left unchecked. With aching carapaces we decided to act, and sealed our fate.

The Gift of Mercy was 8^4 strides long with a mouth 2/4 that in diameter, filled with many 4^4 weights of machinery, fuel, and ballast. It would push itself up to 2/8th of light speed with its onboard fuel, and then begin to consume interstellar Primary Element 2/2 to feed its unlimited acceleration. It would be traveling at nearly light speed when it hit. They would never see it coming. Its launch was a day of mourning, celebration, and reflection. The horror of the act we had committed weighted heavily upon us all; the necessity of our crime did little to comfort us.

The Gift had barely cleared the outer cometary halo when the mistake was realized, but it was too late. The Gift could not be caught, could not be recalled or diverted from its path. The architects and work crews, horrified at the awful power of the thing upon which they labored, had quietly self-terminated in droves, walking unshielded into radiation zones, neglecting proper null pressure safety or simple ceasing their nutrient consumption until their metabolic functions stopped. The appalling cost in lives had forced the Ochestrators to streamline the Gift’s design and construction. There had been no time for the design or implementation of anything beyond the simple, massive engines and the stabilizing systems. We could only watch in shame and horror as the light of genocide faded into infrared against the distant void.

[Anonymous No.1430256]

>wow that's pretty cool
>2 weeks later
>nothing has changed, because everyone's been accustomed to the idea for decades

[снайпер No.1430257]

>>1430255
They grew, and they changed, in a handful of lifetimes they abolished war, abandoned their violent tendencies and turned themselves to the grand purposes of life and Art. We watched them remake first themselves, and then their world. Their frail, soft bodies gave way to gleaming metals and plastics, they unified their people through an omnipresent communications grid and produced Art of such power and emotion, the likes of which the Galaxy has never seen before. Or again, because of us.

They converted their home world into a paradise (by their standards) and many 10^6s of them poured out into the surrounding system with a rapidity and vigor that we could only envy. With bodies built to survive every environment from the day lit surface of their innermost world, to the atmosphere of their largest gas giant and the cold void in-between, they set out to sculpt their system into something beautiful. At first we thought them simple miners, stripping the rocky planets and moons for vital resources, but then we began to see the purpose to their constructions, the artworks carved into every surface, and traced across the system in glittering lights and dancing fusion trails. And still, our terrible Gift approached.

They had less than 2^2 Deeli to see it, following so closely on the tail of its own light. In that time, oh so brief even by their fleeting lives, more than 10^10 sentients prepared for death. Lovers exchanged last words, separated by worlds and the tyranny of light speed. Their planet side engineers worked frantically to build sufficient transmission infrastructure to upload the countless masses with the necessary neural modifications, while those above dumped lifetimes of music and literature from their databanks to make room for passengers. Those lacking the required hardware or the time to acquire it consigned themselves to death, lashed out in fear and pain, or simply went about their lives as best they could under the circumstances.

[Anonymous No.1430260]

>my face

[снайпер No.1430261]

>>1430257
The Gift arrived suddenly, the light of its impact visible in our skies, shining bright and cruel even to the unaugmented ocular receptor. We watched and we wept for our victims, dead so many Deelis before the light of their doom had even reached us. Many 6^4s of those who had been directly or even tangentially involved in the creation of the Gift sealed their spiracles with paste as a final penance for the small roles they had played in this atrocity. The light dimmed, the dust cleared, and our Observatories refocused upon the place where their shining blue world had once hung in the void, and found only dust and the pale gleam of an orphaned moon, wrapped in a thin, burning wisp of atmosphere that had once belonged to its parent.

Radiation and relativistic shrapnel had wiped out much of the inner system, and continent sized chunks of molten rock carried screaming ghosts outward at interstellar escape velocities, damned to wander the great void for an eternity. The damage was apocalyptic, but not complete, from the shadows of the outer worlds, tiny points of light emerged, thousands of fusion trails of single ships and world ships and everything in between, many 10^6s of survivors in flesh and steel and memory banks, ready to rebuild. For a few moments we felt relief, even joy, and we were filled with the hope that their culture and Art would survive the terrible blow we had dealt them. Then came the message, tightly focused at our star, transmitted simultaneously by hundreds of their ships.

"We know you are out there, and we are coming for you."

!MESSAGE ENDS

copypasta from /tg/

[Anonymous No.1430306]

I just hope they dont have a conversation with some retarded manifest destiny freaks

[Anonymous No.1430323]

[снайпер No.1430337]

>>1430306
If they were around thousands of years ago, they probably saw a lot of shit worse than some 'manifest destiny freaks'

[Anonymous No.1430441]

HALLY SHAT AYLIENTS? EOOOOOOOOOOWWHHHHHH...

[Anonymous No.1430456]

>>1430161
Actually that's not too far fetched.

[Anonymous No.1431183]

It's funny how the UFO nuts point to footage of meteoroids and claim it as proof of an alien presence. Protip: the space junk that produces shooting stars exists in space prior to entering the atmosphere. Occasionally these objects pass within visible distance of space craft. Stop being morons.

[снайпер No.1432527]

>>1431183
to be fair, all the videos where they point out little specks of light like that, the specks either abruptly appear, or change direction, or both.

[Pr0n K1ng No.1432529]

>>379137
http://www.lawl.us/Ki
http://www.lawl.us/Ki
http://www.lawl.us/Ki
http://www.lawl.us/Ki
http://www.lawl.us/Ki