/sci/ - Science & Math

[Anonymous No.11885278]

It's 2AM and I cannot sleep. I am going to graduate in a week with the maximum possible in computer science.
I always was that gifted kid in middle and high school, very proficient in math and science.
Even if I am very successful in my field I don't perceive this as positive. For example, all my friends that are going to graduate too are planning parties and other similar stuff.
For me instead even my mom saying that is proud of me makes me angry because I don't feel this is "right". I feel a sort of impostor, that I am not "that" good, even if all the people I know say that I am smart et cetera.
I don't think I am going to party with my friends because I feel that my accomplishments are not worth. I tend to devalue myself and I don't know how to feel good with myself for my works.
I cannot believe I am that good even if i have an average of 95+% on all the exams. It's just feel unreal and fake and it's destroying my psyche.
How can I accept myself and my accomplishments as they are without devalue my self worth ? I wish I could party with my friends and be happy but I can't because I feel this is not "right" or "enough".

[Anonymous No.11885288]

You should focus on graduation first of all.

[Anonymous No.11885305]

You have access to every information and were nerdy enough to look for it versus your colleagues who focused on irl networking, making friends and having sex.

Realize you minmax your skillset to achieve being the worker ant and a glorified coding monkey and you'll escape the impending doom.

[Anonymous No.11885312]

Graduating college for ur mommy millky?? wonderful kiddo ur a genius

[Anonymous No.11885315]

>>11885278
I think you have to get into an environment that's hard enough that you get to experience failure a fair amount of times. That'll help you put your level in the right perspective and look forward to improving whilst being grateful for what you've already achieved

[Anonymous No.11885324]

>>11885315
What do you mean ? Nothing is harder than comp. sci.

It is literally the highest IQ field just look at Neumann, Gates and Zuckerberg.

[Anonymous No.11885336]

Just shut up, graduate, get a job, and live the rest of your life just like the rest of us.

[Anonymous No.11885343]

electromagnetics will tear us apart...

[Anonymous No.11885456]

>>11885278
Don't worry about feeling like a worthless imposter, you definitely are if you don't have 200k+ TC job lined up after graduation, like all the people who actually are smart and impressive in CS do.

So don't worry about your self worth, it's just as low as you perceive it to be.

[Anonymous No.11885469]

>>11885278
>with the maximum possible
maximum possible what?
debt?

[Anonymous No.11885473]

>>11885324
Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are businessmen not computer scientists, they also didn't invent anything of value or great novelty.

[Anonymous No.11885481]

How long have you felt like this?
When did it all start?
>>11885473
That was a troll post.

[Anonymous No.11885484]

will you feel worse if i call you a larping faggot? you know how many nerds would kill to be like you?? dog forbid how many people who don't have the luxury of going to uni with friends and then high paying jobs. shut the fuck up and believe in yourself man. if you feel bad, see if you can use your talents to help people and then you will feel that your accomplishments are worth something. for now though, get the fuck off this hungarian radish pickling forum and go to sleep and party with your friends. you earned it man.

[Anonymous No.11885490]

>>11885278
>>11885456
This feeling you have is uncovering the truth; you really don't have anything material to show for all the hard work you put in and all the time you spent: no elite job, no girlfriend, no respect (except from your mom LOL). A degree is nice, but unless it's from a brand-name school it's a dime a dozen.

You're about to walk away from the best years of your life with nothing to show for it.

You're just beginning to realize all your friends, who are just as mediocre as you are, made the right decision, and chose to have fun and make lasting connections during their time rather than waste away grinding.

Congratulations on graduating!

[Anonymous No.11885502]

Because there's no point in doing anything at a university in stem anymore. Unless you absolutely need a pell grant to survive and they're paying you to go. It's not worth it to be surrounded by normies, then go to a job where you're surrounded by similar folks. Amy who went into HR will breathe down your neck and becky who was the captain of business club will reap the rewards of your hard work.

Like I said, the only reason to go to school in the first place is if someone is paying you to go and you have no other option. If you didn't go for that reason, then I don't know really what you might of gotten out of it other than now you can wage slave for more money than your average wageslave.

Imagine going to a university, paying to get bossed around and getting your "I'm a cuck" paper.

[Anonymous No.11885653]

>>11885278
called imposter syndrome. almost every "successful" person feels it. look it up

[Anonymous No.11885663]

No need to worry about being smart or anything like that. CS is for idiots so you're right about your dissatisfaction with yourself.

[Anonymous No.11886344]

>>11885278
You should build something that you feel worthy of.

The act of creation is the most pure feeling you can have.

The act of persuading others to use your creation is what separates the mortal from the immortal.

You don't need friends anon, they don't exist.

[Anonymous No.11886404]

>>11885484
I am not larping. And yes saying that makes me feel worse because it's like a low-tier problem but I know isn't.
>>11885653
I know that. I also read about inverse dunking kruger effect. Probably I have the clinical version of it.
Another possibility is that maybe being called like that in middle school fried my young brain in some way and now I have some psychological dissonance with that.
Probably I should "force" myself in normie activities like parties or being grateful and saying good things to myself.

[Anonymous No.11886639]

>>11885278
Gloom. :(
It's okay, perfection is in the pursuit of it.

[Anonymous No.11886649]

>>11885278

[Anonymous No.11886702]

>>11885305
You have to go back.

[Anonymous No.11887298]

>>11885484
>dog forbid
kek
the rest of this post bleeds
>just pick yourself up by your bootstraps OP!
no genuine advice, thanks boomer

[Anonymous No.11887326]

Jesus Christ the amount of nonadvice in this thread is baffling. Everyone here is either too far gone to give a shit, an undergrad, or a troll. I'll give you my two cents OP, as I, and everyone else in academia, can to an extent relate to how you're feeling. For me it's hard divorcing the idea of success with happiness. Success is some unrealistic expectation that becomes more unfeasible with every accomplishment I add to some arbitrary list in my head. Do an REU, get into a good grad school, publish, blah blah, but each achievement doesn't bring me any closer to achieving happiness, only more devaluation and self-defeat as a cheap bid to obtain some kind of warped motivation. I recently graduated with highest honors, which was something I REALLY worked for, but after getting it I honestly didn't feel any different. Like you, my parents were proud, but I didn't even like celebrating... I just went back to my work.

The truth of the matter is, whether you're in academia or not, is that people like to convince themselves that obtaining this ONE thing will make you happy. "If I get this job, I will be so happy", "If I get good grades I will be so happy!" "If I get into this program I will be so happy!"... and then we get these things, and... we can be happy, but only for a period of time, before we look for another thing we absolutely MUST have. "I got into that program!... but, there was this other program that is more prestigious" "I got the job!... but this other person makes more than me"... and we get caught in an endless loop of shifting our happiness finish line.

The answer to happiness is not as easy as professional success, publishing in Nature, getting the Fields medal, etc. The truth is, even if you obtained these things, you wouldn't be happy for long, before finding another arbitrary fixation. Realizing this has helped me to an extent, and I hope it has helped you.The sides of a mountain sustain life, and not the top.

[Anonymous No.11888871]

Bought a raspberry pi, bought an arduino, bought a 2nd hand programming textbook.

2 weeks later I'm hosting my own website with database search/store/retrieve & building spectroscopy/chromatography type measurement using photodiode and pin I/o.

[Anonymous No.11888975]

>>11885278
Maybe you have things other than comp sci that you really wants to do but afraid to do?

[Anonymous No.11888978]

>>11888871
>2 weeks later I'm hosting my own website with database search/store/retrieve & building spectroscopy/chromatography type measurement using photodiode and pin I/o.
how do you learn and apply this fast...
asking for a friend.

[Anonymous No.11889086]

>>11885278
You are experiencing depersonalization.

It is a natural reaction to stress and anxiety, where your personality detaches from the source of anxiety or perceived danger.

It is temporary, and will dissipate once the source of anxiety is gone. You are on the cusp of a major life milestone and the stress of pushing through to the culmination of your degree and the uncertainty of what happens after that is the source of the anxiety.

[Anonymous No.11889090]

>>11885490
That's not a productive thing to tell someone who is having a hard time dealing with stress. It is immaterial if he is good or not.

[Anonymous No.11889111]

You're on the right track, suggesting going out and socializing rather than dwelling on your imposter syndrome symptoms and depersonalization. Have a couple of beers or a margarita and find a person to talk to. It's best not to come at people with a lot of gravitas about your problems. They will feel uncomfortable because they arent sure where you're head is really at. If you can find a way to relate with someone about your uncertainty about the future after graduation with some humor you'll come across better. If someone asks what you plan on doing , laugh and say you're not sure but you certainly hope it is good

[Anonymous No.11889145]

>>11886404
Compare yourself only to your past self. Maybe you disconnected from an important element of your personality/disposition in pursuing college education.
Taking care of your emotional needs is something that will feel less forceful the more you do it.

[All fields No.11889327]

>>11885278
Stopped two sentences in. No one cares. Go post on >>>/adv/.