>>11210440
i just want to be programmer so i stay all day on computer solving leetcode-type puzzles till i bruteforce my way into junior position. She seems unable to understand that, she says i am sick because i have no friends, i dont go out of house, i am so fixed on this shit.
When it comes to theraphy - well maybe i would try if its some group one, but then i would be forced to attend this group theraphy every week and pay for that. After year they would say "year is too short! you need to attend theraphy longer", and then i am slave to theraphy. I would not be able to exit therapy, because it would again hurt my mother. I hate feeling like i am forced to do something, like i am enslaved by my mental illness. Even worse that mental state is such a invisible matter. I can go to therapy or take pills a year and still not feel like it helped me in any way, because its such a subtle matter, and you can never be objective in assessing your mental state.