/sci/ - Science & Math

didney worl's insied out was a good movie senpai

>>9985334

I never saw it, only saw a commercial for it once and was very impressed by the idea alone. Thanks for bringing it up anon

*senpai

You're an autist, Harry

>>9985359
I am a what?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism

Careful with your new powers, it can be weaponized.

>>9985361
The weakest weapon of all time.

>>9985324
>>>/x/

>>9985324
so you're a classic whackadoodle behind closed doors and you convinced yourself its totally fine.

good luck with your mental illness.

>>9985515

I've had a fair amount of success in my life in terms of personal relationships and life experience. I'm very functional.

>>9985477
Ya this probably belongs there or /his/. all there is to go on in the earliest writings of man and the imagination. i'll take this shit to those places.

I've had conversations with myself a lot - hell I caught myself making weird faces at my own comments I make myself and have even laughed at somethings I have "said". The voice is constant; even with people talking I would still be making comments.
I wouldn't say language came to me quick - I have trouble trying to learn any new language but I've been reading since I was around 5-6; I read anything and everything and when I read I always use the inner voice and make comments along the wayf

how are you doing anon

>>9986463
It is just a mental illness, period.

>>9985324
You have autism, probably high-functioning autism, or Asperger's. You aren't unique, and only marginally special. Get in line with the rest of STEM autists.

>>9986839

Being only marginally special is something i've caught onto. I've recognized i'm a certain model of human, and there are tons of me out there. I can say i've only met 1 of me though. I witnessed his bicameral mind at work, but it hit the same wall i've hit many times as well. It is very difficult to sustain it in isolation, let alone in public.

We are only marginally different from our closest living ancestor, the chimpanzee, in terms of our DNA. There is certainly something to be said of these marginal differences.

>>9986463
Do you feel as though this helps you at all? As though you process more information quicker than your constituents? Is there a lot of emotion that comes with this?

>>9986827
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Myth_of_Mental_Illness

>>9986991
>Schizophrenia is just a social construct

>>9987005
>Schizophrenia is poorly understood, therefore it is a disease

>>9987018
>seeing things that dont exist is just poorly understood, and not a disease

Brain is an organ like any other, and can become dysfunctional like any other.

>>9987028
>seeing things that don't exist

This is where i think the problem lies. I don't think the concept of hallucinations is very understood. I don't think anyone ever sees things that aren't there unless you are on lsd, and i've never taken lsd so i can't even speak from experience on that.

I think what we consider a hallucination is simply the brain trying to place things using whatever information it has available to it. Shadows in your peripheral could be a potential threat, so the brain goes haywire with emotion in an attempt to deal with a perceived threat. Sure, there is no threat there, but why would the brain take a chance?

This goes back to the point of the bicamerlism article saying our brains were primarily schizophrenic oriented once upon a time. It is dysfunctional now in the overly comfortable luxurious modern world we live in, but it came into existence in the first place to serve a function.

>>9987046

And I think the schizophrenic part is separate from the fight or flight instinct response. I think schizophrenia was the starting point of the development of language and emotion.

>>9985324
Instead of directly talking to myself about some subject, I imagine a group of people in mind who are talking about the subject to each other. I guess it's essentially the same thing.

>>9987327

Hell yes, I identify with this as well. Sadly, it's often repulsively narcissistic for me. The other people are talking me up. Fucking disgusting LOL

>>9987046
>>9987072

I also believe that the imagination of a schizophrenic is very powerful. I think very real emotional reactions happen in response to their imagination, which could also be interpreted as hallucinations.

I think anger is the more prevalent reaction because anger is the best tool to overcome an attacking threat. It's as though they are remaining conditioned for dealing with an attacking threat.

I wish I had resources available of psychologists that have had successful interactions and results with schizophrenic people that didn't involve drugs. If that even exists.

>>9985324
I tend to have conversations with people I know, In my head, sometimes it's just self wankery where they congratulate me, sometimes it legitamitely helps me have later conversations with them because I can anticipate their responses.

>>9985324
I spent all day talking to my self about how OP is retarded and gay

>>9988320

I really am retarded. I can honestly say the only person I've enjoyed talking to is myself. I've just started college and I am really starting to change. I imagine this is how it is for most schizophrenics. We can't allow ourselves to trust anything outside of the energy inside us that fuels the constant words and images. In a sense, it is god. A better description for this energy is just nature. Nature doing it's thing.

I can't stop seeing every person including myself as a stupid animal because of this now. These growing pains are very interesting. I can't continue into this college experience locked inside of my head convincing myself everyone is out to get me. It is only going to hurt me. I am struggling to understand how/why the paranoia has endured for so long. I think I can point to life experience, and more importantly, a tremendous amount of good fortune infused with those life experiences.

>>9988378

> I am struggling to understand how/why the paranoia has endured for so long. I think I can point to life experience, and more importantly, a tremendous amount of good fortune infused with those life experiences.

I mean the life experience and good fortune is why I am changing. I am lucky enough to have survived everywhere I went and everything I've done because of the constant paranoia, but the paranoia has eliminated the possibility for any real personal relationships. It has kept me safe, but also kept me alone.

It is extremely difficult to place value, positive and/or negative because of this. I am still struggling to understand how to organize my thoughts and emotions. I trusted the paranoia, and I still do, but it will hurt me in the long run. Good in the short-term, bad in the long term.

>>9988393
This paranoia even made me regard my own parents as threats. I rejected them at a young age in favor of my paranoia and constant mental words/images/emotions. Once again, there were positive and negative aspects to this. I almost completely threw away a relationship with my parents, but there were emotions crying out for this to be tended to as well. My father died this year, but I forced myself to try and spend as much time with him in the last 3 and a half years since his heart attack. Fought through a lot of fucked up mental illness shit to do it and am very grateful for the good fortune of getting to do so. I can not even begin to describe the amount of good fortune that has been present all through my life and oh my dear fucking god someone else please unload some words and personal experiences

>>9985345
Watched it with my young cousin, shit was pretty cash, it's got it all, early childhood family drama, a noble sacrifice, I teared up a tad at at least one part

>>9985324
stop posting about this nonsense on all my boards you cretinous fucking bug-eyed cunts
bout to shoot up my uni, ive had it

>>9988889
1 fucking digit, 1 FUCKING DIGIT GOD DAMNIT

>>9988889
Should blow over by tonight because theres really nothing left to post about. Memes about it will pop up once in a while, until everyone forgets it, again.

>>9988908
OP here, I still want to know if anyone has any ideas or theories in reference to bicameralism. I've always been infatuated with the sequence of events that led to the development of language and emotion. I just fear we can never get anywhere near that information without supernatural intervention. If other god damn mother fucking schizo-anons would contribute their thoughts i'd greatly appreciate it.

>>9985324
I'm pretty similar, except I talk with myself mostly mentally

>>9988991

What's it like?

>>9988210
You're pretty cool. Ever read Capitalism and Schizophrenia? It's great.
>>11754670

>>9988378
>>9988410
Schizoid for sure.

>>9989388

I haven't, i'm gonna look into it. Thanks, anon.

>>9986839
As a diagnosed autist, I can tell you that we actually have a diminished inner voice.

In bicameral terms, we are more fully conscious, which means that we are cut off from chad instincts.

Schizophrenics are the opposite of autists. The more demented ones are just as non-functional as the more demented autists, but a functional schizophrenic is a Joseph Smith or Muhammad type, who hears divine commandments and starts a community.

Semi-schizos (normies) are just people who operate on impulses, sometimes vocalised as commands ("Do it!" or less schizophrenically "Now's my chance!"), following these impulses with enormous respect and diligence. Normies "follow their heart."

I don't have a heart. Now, you assume I am bragging, and that by saying that I am saying that I am violent and masculine. Of course you would assume that. "He needs to be taken down a peg," says your normie brain.
But that aside, I do not have a heart, which means I can take or leave my likes and dislikes. I suppose I have compulsions, but they are learned. I feel compelled to create artificial order in my world. There's no other kind and nobody else will do it. It is as passionate as indexes, checklists, cross-comparisons, analysis, symmetry, purity.

>>9988378
You need to visit a psychiatrist ASAP or you will ruin your life by neglecting the illness when it inveitably resolves into a full blown schizophrenia.

>>9989796
...Normies worship whatever does not explain itself.

I abide in order, logic, explanation; I will never be respected, because I explain my reasoning. Because I have reasoning instead of impulses.

>>9989796
Seems like I have the exact opposite story to tell you my man.
Every day in day out the non-stop yapping, analyzing every fucking minute detail
Sure some interesting ideas come out of it every once in a while but fuck me it's so, so tiring
It's gotten to the point where those select few days of the year where I go into such an overload everything suddenly stops
And instead of finally feeling at peace for a minute sensing absolutely nothing I feel anxious not experiencing the constant thought stream I'm used to experiencing
I don't know where you're getting your generalization from and I'm not about to generalize my own experience but saying your experience applies to every so-called "autist" is definitely inaccurate

>>9989829
I also have the non-stop interior monologue, but to me, it's just bullshitting, not an actual impulse, certainly not an inspiration.

I suppose I feel completely alienated from my own "thoughts," if that's what the monologue is.

I'm alienated enough that I don't really notice if it stops or not. It's like background music. I might suddenly notice that I've been "thinking" (speechifying, explaining to nobody) about something utterly inane.

>>9989842
Yeah that definitely doesn't sound like me.
It's basically a constant stream of "why is this the way that it is"
Applying that question to every minute observation in every corner of my life
After a while it gets on levels of thinking why you're thinking about why you're thinking about what you're thinking
Instead of hearing/reading people's words I hear/read people's intentions (tho obviously not with 100% accuracy)
Instead of watching a tv series I watch how a writer's thinking process went while he was writing the dialogue
Or how and why the actors are deviating from previous performances I've seen them in
I'm basically completely barred off from having any genuine fun
It's all so tiring

>>9989866
Oh, jesus. This takes me back. I was actually like this for a few years as a teenager. Except you sound older, or at least more media savvy than I was at the time.

I'm not being facetious when I say: become a functional alcoholic.
It's either that or use phenibut, which is dicy if you don't dose it carefully and responsibly.
You are in paroxysms of self-awareness, awareness of awareness, suspicion and second guessing. There's no one cause for this, but I remember saying to someone when I had these problems: "I am too sober." Without ever having had a drink, I somehow hit the nail on the head.

I was recently (4 months ago) going through phenibut withdrawal. My teenage problems had slowly and painfully faded away, and more run of the mill social anxiety was in play. Hence phenibut. I was concerned my supply would run out, so I stopped taking it, and the withdrawal was nasty. I felt utter sobriety in all its existential horror.

Now, phenibut is essentially a form of GABA that can cross the blood-brain barrier, and mimic the GABA that our brain produces in times of calm and relaxation. Alcohol stimulates the brain to produce GABA. Becoming dependent on phenibut makes the brain ratchet down endogenous GABA production, so when you go cold turkey, you experience the most nightmarishly raw and bitter sobriety possible for about a week. (I later learned that it is better to gradually reduce phenibut doses or space them out over greater lengths of time than to go cold turkey, if you need to withdraw.)

But this was an educational experience, and to make the story short, I would have much better teenage years if I had carried around a hipflask of vodka in my school uniform.

>>9989909
...I suppose what I'm trying to say, in the form of excessive blogposting, is that you have GABA problems.

>>9989909
I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic but I get what you're aiming at and in a sense I already am. I've tried many many mind-altering things in my lifetime, both legal and illegal. Turns out after lengthy experimentation processes most of the legal stuff actually managed to give me a lot more unpleasant side effects than the illegal ones. As a kid I actually was a legit alcoholic for a brief period of time, presumably because I had these issues but at the time I didn't understand what was going on in my own head (yay living in a country with a 16yo legal drinking age). Nowadays I have a hyperbalanced diet and exercise routine to keep me as physically healthy as possible, just so I can drink or take minor doses of drugs without fucking up my body too much. I switch up which substance I'm abusing every once in a while and I make sure to stay within acceptable levels to not have it turn into a medical issue, and also to not have it influence my studies/work. So yeah, I might have been going through similar processes as you have. I'll look into this whole GABA thing when I get a chance, thanks. I wouldn't be surprised if shit like weed, lsd, perhaps even mushrooms also acted on these receptors because it gives me similar positive effects

>>9989933
In that case, I recommend phenibut as a healthier alternative to alcohol. I take a therapeutic dose of 500mg per day and avoid chasing the "phenibut euphoria" that comes (temporarily) with high doses.

I'm not sure it's the answer to your problems, but it's extremely effective for anxiety, which seems to be a component of your problems.

>>9989947
Definitely not legal in my country it seems
I'll keep it in mind but I'm a bit wary

>>9989976
Understandable. I think picamilon is basically the same thing, but it's GABA bound to niacin instead of GABA with a phenyl element.
Pure GABA is physically relaxing but not really worth your time as a mood enhancer, because it doesn't pass the blood-brain barrier, unlike the above.

>>9989800
I will let the chips fall where they fall, i'm 28 and have held it together so far. Lots of crying to myself. Lots of isolation. Lots of community service. Lots of greater good. Lots of hard work.

>>9989866
>I'm basically completely barred off from having any genuine fun

LOL we're long gone from the opportunity to have fun. Fun/happiness is an addiction, a fix. It's for people who can't tolerate reality. We're here to get shit done.

>>9990201
Y-Yeah I'm not that self aggrandizing my man. Dream big but live small, you know
Everything requires balance to keep it up

>>9990216

I can only be as aggrandizing as I am because of how fortunate I've been. Many steps along the way I could have been swept up by chance and thrown to the wolves, but i'm still here, still going fucking crazy while presenting a functional creature to the public. But everyone knows. Everyone has always known, but once again, i'm just too functional to fuck with.

I don't know whats to come, but I really want to encourage you as well to encourage your journey. Keep trying. Please keep expanding.


Is there anything that worries you?

>>9985324
If you want to understand more about the relation between language and the mind, I'd recommend looking into psycholinguistics.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psycholinguistics

>>9990245
Fuck yes, thanks anon.

>>9990231
I don't need words of encouragement my man
You are mistaking my issues as a cry for help when they are in fact just a statement of issues
There is no need to announce to the internet how your problems put you hypothetically apart from anyone else
And whatever the case you'll have no friend in me trying to stroke my ego with that kind of stuff, I don't work that way
The way I see it no matter how big or small a problem someone has to work through, it's worth respecting all the same

>>9990280
im just interested in keeping a conversation going, but ok.

>>9985324
Bicameralism is true. But progressing beyond consciousness is less talked about. Here's the hierarchy:

Bicameral mind < Conscious < Autism < Bicameral again < ??? (Gnon)

>>9990347

step1-Bicameral mind
step2-?????
step3-PROFIT/PROPHET??????

>>9990327
Well, I'm not stopping you am I
All I said was I don't buy into this whole I suffered therefore I'm better rethoric

>>9990355
No, you're not stopping, but you aren't conversing either, leading me back to festering in my own head. But if you don't want to share anything more this is where it ends unless someone else comes along and shares.

I apologize for the self-indulgent narcissistic nature of my expression, but it is a big part of me as well.

>>9990370
Well it's pretty hard for me to share anything if you ask me "what's worrying you"
I mean I just mentioned my brain almost never stops for a minute
Everything worries me everywhere all the time
You're right I might not be the right guy for the conversation you're trying to have

>>9990381

I'm just projecting my own worries about myself onto you I think because of the narcissism thing. I'm just looking for specifics to converse about outside of thinking about thinking about thinking about everything all the time and how tiring it is for you.


Does it interfere with day to day functioning of chores? Does it affect personal relationships?

>>9990390
Yeah ofcourse

I shut down every once in a while like a computer overheating, basically small bouts of catatonia
And I can't maintain any longterm relationships, friend or otherwise, because the longer it goes on the more my memory gets filled with "what-ifs" of situations that went anywhere less than perfect. It all starts to pile up and in the end it becomes a mountain of shit I blame myself for and I can't stand being around those people anymore, not because of them but because of myself. Kinda ironic that I actually do seem to have a little bit of inherent magnetism that I have absolutely no idea where it's coming from. But every time I enter a new circle of people there's always a certain type that seems instantly drawn to me. Nowadays I purposely fake being cold and distant and still I get a few stragglers wanting to be my buddy for some reason

Are you actually saying you have diagnosed NPD or something? That always seemed so weird to me, like an inherently unsustainable personality trait. Sounds like it might be tough

>>9989912

>>9990466
God damn man I identify with all of that. I don't think I even have anything to add, you put it all out there perfectly. I stroke your ego because mine has been stroked endlessly not only by me but by everyone I've ever met. I reject this shit because I want to hate myself. People will never hate me, so i'm gonna hate myself for fucking ever for no other reason than to continue to strengthen and progress.


My narcissism isn't about being in love with myself, it's about self-preservation. It's about fear. Or something. I'm full of myself because I consider it retarded to be full of anything else. What else would I be full of if not myself?

>>9990523

I think I stroke your ego out of compassion for someone I view as similar to myself. But I also set myself up for disappointment and resentment when you reject it, which is indeed what happened. Until you posted a sincere reply again.

>>9990535
Im continuously sickeningly confused as to how to conduct myself. If i should be empathetic/compassionate. If i should be an unreasonable asshole. Or how the fuck to possibly combine the 2.

>>9990523
>>9990535
>>9990543
Okay, I wasn't entirely expecting that. You're kinda forcing my hand. I'm afraid I know exactly what you're talking about. So let me fill you in, maybe it'll make you feel a little better. That comment I made about dismissing ego boosts like that. That didn't just come naturally to me. I have to train and strain myself to keep to that path every day. Ofcourse it's a path I truly believe in, but the point is, when I said that to you I was basically saying it to myself as well. At this point in my life I'm pretty much right in the middle of extensively training myself through various means to keep it the fuck down. I've never really had "normal" interaction with people in my life. I often feel like all my life the only thing I ever experienced was extreme love, or extreme hate. And maybe that fucked me up somehow. Or maybe it was my fault to begin with. Or maybe I'm just deluding myself, acting like I know what's going on in other people's minds. But the feelings are there and I cannot get rid of them. The point is it seems like you had an idea that we are of a similar mindset. And I managed to throw you off. But I think you might have been right all along. Perfectionism is a bitch ain't it, always wanting bigger, always wanting better. Never being able to let go for anything less.

>>9990709
We're disgustingly full of ourselves lol. It can never be any other way either. I think this conversation should end here. Good luck /b/ro. I love you.

>>9989796
>as a diagnosed autist I can speak for all other autists

>>9989796
>schizos are just less evolved 'people'
News at 5

>>9990838
And you

>>9987046
Nah m8 lsd visuals are pure distortion with added light.

>>9990992

Hell ya, thanks for the info/contribution. I've always wondered.

>>9989796
this is typical coping for high functioning autistic people, the notion that neurotypical people are "less rational" and "muh emotions vs reasoning"

you're mistaking your own inability to properly recognize your own emotions and their influence on your thought process for not having emotions or being able to somehow separate them from your thinking

rationalization isn't the same as rational thought

you view many things in more straightforward terms than neurotypical people, that doesn't mean your perspective is more realistic or logical, it is merely less complete and therefore simpler as a result of your shortcomings making you unable to account for all the things neurotypical people do

>>9985324
>NPC
How many satoshi get deposited in your wallet every time you try to force this gaymer meme?

>>9987018
Yes, schizophrenia is the disorder of peace.

>>9991119
lolwut

>>9991172
It’s just misunderstood. All those serial killer? They aren’t true schizos. Just a few bad apples. It’s the disorder of peace! So quit being rayciss.

>>9991242
/pol/ has the most unfunny memes

>>9991274
>unironically making this complaint in NPC forced meme thread

from the board that gave you classic memes like

>the virgin vs chad meme used to make fun of people with inferior dispositions/tastes
>the boomer meme used to make fun of people with inferior dispositions/tastes
>the zoomer meme used to make fun of people with inferior dispositions/tastes
>the basedboy meme used to make fun of people with inferior dispositions/tastes

comes the hot new meme: "npc". finally, a meme that lets me make fun of people with inferior dispositions/tastes while implicitly and narcissistically signalling my own superior dispositions/tastes in a psuedo comedic form that can be invoked in bad faith to avoid criticism


It's all
So
Tiresome.

>>9991274
>>9992527
Lrn2meme fgt pls

>>9992543
Go.
Back.
To.
Reddit.
fgt
pls

>>9989947
>500mg per day
That's going to build tolerance incredibly fucking fast. By this point it's probably just a placebo.

>tfw the only thing i have is verbal thought
>tfw no imagination, no visualizations at all, im just dark in the head
>tfw however im a good musician and can feel the groove well

this sucks, do you know how hard math is for me? cant visualize shit

When did this NPC meme spring up?

>>9994054
I did 500mg every night during a stressful period in my life, it always seemed to enhance my sleep by taking the edge off. When I finally stopped, even after tapering, I had a huge anxiety attack and a completely sleepless night

>>9985324
Your becoming consumed by your need makes me feel like abusing you.

Now your self fixation has caused self fixation in another.

>>9995016

Sorry /b/ro. Don't blame me though, blame god. I didn't ask for this shit. I hope it remains a gift all the way up until my death. There is certainly potential looming for it to develop into a curse. Maybe my good fortune is running on fumes. Maybe I have the power to keep my fortune good. I'm going to believe I do in hopes that it will increase the chances of this shit remaining a gift all the way to my death.

>>9987046
>I don't think the concept of hallucinations is very understood. I don't think anyone ever sees things that aren't there unless you are on lsd
Or if you happen to be schizo and in psychosis. The whole schizo experience could be described as dream like, like dreaming while you are awake. You do hallucinate during dreams every night, but when psychosis strikes, you do this also while being awake and acting it out in real life. In this way, the hallucinations can be very consistent in their theme, and can't really be distinguished from what's really there. A schizo usually doesn't know that he hallucinates, for him, it's all real and happening.
For example, during psychosis I hallucinated a whole conversation with a good friend of mine, we talked for about 10 minutes face to face, only that this friend was in a different part of the country at that time and couldn't have possibly been there. Still the memories on it feel real as everything else.

>>9994803
Yeah that's as expected. Withdrawals are a killer if you're habitually using phenibut. I've used it in the past but only ever once per week max.

>>9996631
>Still the memories on it feel real as everything else.
So it would be safe to say hallucinations, and dreams share some fundamental qualities with waking reality, right?

>>9985324
Consciousness does not exist

>>9996789
Yeah I've swapped it for l theanine as my go to anti anxiety for sleep. Not sure if there is really a rebound effect with l theanine or if it's just my normal anxiety being overwhelming when it returns after a few nights usage

i came up with this theory before even reading it.