/sci/ - Science & Math

>>9634643
I used to have serious sleep problems and the only thing that ever worked was very low doses of seroquel

You are on a real drug cocktail there anon. Let me ask you some questions:

>how often do you exercise?
>do you use drugs frequently? (alcohol & cigarettes included)
>do you eat a healthy diet?
>have you pursued psychological therapy before pharmacotherapy?

>>9634643
Jesus, don't just passively let other people feed you pills like that.
In answer to your question though, it's a dopamine blocker. So Parkinson's like symptoms are common (makes sense since Parkinsons's Disease is a degeneration of your dopamine system). Also obesity and general hormone fuckery (e.g. some antipsychotics are known to cause excess prolactin producing brain tumors that leave male patients with breasts and erectile dysfunction).

>>9634678
>You are on a real drug cocktail there anon.
Disturbingly common. It's literally just amoral piece of shit pharmaceutical sales reps pushing this behavior so now any visit to a psych doc is liable to end with an antipsychotic prescription, they expanded the target population to include all sorts of non-psychotic shit like mild depression, anxiety, or even insomnia.

>>9634643
It is a second generation antipsychotic. It blocks dopamine receptors and also has some effects on serotonin. As with all psychiatric drugs, how it works exactly is a bit of a mystery.

Second generation antipsychotics like Abilify are not just used to treat psychotic disorders. They can be used to treatment resistant Major Depression, which sounds like something that you might have.

>>9634682
>some antipsychotics are known to cause excess prolactin

High doses of quetiapine, yes. I think aripiprazole aka Abilify doesn't have much prolactin effects. Weight gain, I agree.

>>9634643
All psych prescriptions are experimental because of the variety of reactions. Leeching is more medically serious.

>>9634695
>Major Depression
OP, you hear voices?

>>9634678

>>how often do you exercise?

I do not exercise at all. Unless you count going outside to walk for a few hours as exercise. Back in 2015 and 2016 I would go outside to walk for about four hours each and every single day. 2015 was when I had first started taking Adderall. It would make me feel so antsy that I would just get up and go outside. However, once I started taking Abilify in December of last year, I have noticed that it seems to induce an almost-vegetative state. I now only go outside about once each month. It feels like such a chore to drag my feet out of my apartment's door.

>>do you use drugs frequently? (alcohol & cigarettes included)

Alcohol, yes. Cigarettes, no, never. I smoked cannabis about two or three times back when I was twenty years old, which was almost a decade ago. My alcohol consumption varies. I can go several months or even years without consuming any alcoholic beverages whatsoever. But every once in awhile I will go out to a nearby liquor store and purchase three cans of malt liquor, which I consume by myself within a single night.

>>do you eat a healthy diet?

Not sure if my diet could be considered "healthy". I only have one meal per day. No breakfast, no lunch, only dinner. I very rarely consume junk food, snacks, and/or candy.

>>have you pursued psychological therapy before pharmacotherapy?

I have already seen three psychotherapists, three psychiatrists, one psychologist, and two neurologists. I have already been prescribed four antidepressants (Lexapro, Trazodone, Nefazodone, Emeron), one antipsychotic (Abilify), one anticonvulsant (Primidone), one sedative (Ambien), and one psychostimulant (Adderall). I met with my first psychiatrist (back in July of 2013) before I met with my first psychotherapist (back in ~June of 2014, I believe). I have already had both CT and MRI scans done on my brain as recommended by the two neurologists, and none of the scans revealed anything abnormal.

>>9634643
Have you tried ECT? The evidence behind that is really strong compared to other treatments. It's the biggest gun psychiatrists have to treat refractory psychiatric disorders.

>>9634733
If you actually did what you have to do to be minimally healthy -- three nutritious squares a day at consistent times, exercise, and adequate sleep -- you would still feel sad and have occasional depressions, but nothing requiring a doctor, but you would be better off in every way. Yes sugar is psychotropic. Yes under-eating is as destructive as over-eating.
The super-proliferation of depression is a result of failed parenting and self-destructive habits, not actual depression. The difference between major and minor depression is seeing or hearing things that are not there. If you see reality, however unexciting, you should not be taking a handful of powerful psychotropics guessed together by a headshrinker.

Abilify is not for everyone.

Call your doctor if your depression worsens or if you have unusual changes in behavior or thoughts of suicide…

Elderly dementia patients taking Abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke.

Call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles and confusion to address a possible life threatening condition or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these can become permanent. High blood sugar has been reported with Abilify and medicines like it and in extreme cases can lead to coma or death.

Other risks include increased cholesterol, weight gain, decreases in white blood cells which can be serious, dizziness on standing, seizures, trouble swallowing, and impaired judgment or motor skills.

>>9634682

>Jesus, don't just passively let other people feed you pills like that.

I gave it a lot of thought before finally giving in and taking Abilify for the first time. My psychiatrist had first prescribed Abilify to me sometime around July of last year I believe, but it was not until December that I had finally decided on taking the Abilify. I was so afraid of taking an antipsychotic, that I did not even bother making any appointments to see my psychiatrist for nearly half a year so that he could prescribe more Adderall to me. I was scared that I might be forced into taking antipsychotics. I had basically locked myself up in my apartment due to my paranoia. But then in December I felt so lonely and miserable that I remember holding the Abilify in my hand and thought to myself, "aw, hell. This stuff is supposed to help me look at people in a different way, right? I'm so lonely and miserable. I can't take it anymore. To hell with it. Just take it." And so I did. It has been nearly four months since then and I still feel socially anxious and paranoid. The months just fly by.

>So Parkinson's like symptoms are common (makes sense since Parkinsons's Disease is a degeneration of your dopamine system)

I can remember experiencing some Parkinson's-like symptoms as far back as high school, which is why I went to see a neurologist back in 2006 who had prescribed to me a beta blocker (Propranolol) for the treatment of essential tremors. A few years after that, back in 2013, I went to see a second neurologist who had prescribed to me the anticonvulsant (Primidone).

>>9634711

>OP, you hear voices?

I have only experienced auditory hallucinations as I am falling asleep at night, hallucinations which I believe are better known as "hypnagogic hallucinations". I experience them maybe once every few months. They simply sound like gibberish to me.

>>9634740

>Have you tried ECT?

No I have not, but I have recently begun to strongly consider it out of desperation.

>>9634762

>If you actually did what you have to do to be minimally healthy -- three nutritious squares a day at consistent times, exercise, and adequate sleep -- you would still feel sad and have occasional depressions, but nothing requiring a doctor, but you would be better off in every way.

I found it incredibly difficult (if not impossible) going outside and exercising in a time before I started taking Adderall. However, once I started taking Adderall, I went from weighing 284 pounds in January of 2015 to about 160 pounds in August of that same year (I'm 5'11''). So I went from being considered morbidly obese to being considered as someone of normal weight (according to the "Body Mass Index" anyway). All of that from simply walking outside for four hours every day.

Unfortunately, it would seem to be the case that Abilify is reversing this. Since I started taking Abilify, I have noticed considerable weight gain. I currently weigh nearly 220 pounds.

>>9634678

>>have you pursued psychological therapy before pharmacotherapy?

As of right now, I think I feel a bit more respect for psychiatry that I do for psychology and psychotherapy. I mean, at least psychiatrists offer something very real—psychoactive drugs—with objectively noticeable and measurable effects. And the one thing that has helped me the most, by far, more so than any other psychoactive drug and/or type of psychotherapy, would have to be: Adderall.

Recent events have led me to lose what little respect I may have once had for psychology and psychotherapy. I have already seen three psychotherapists and one psychologist, and I have already paid hundreds upon hundreds of dollars on so-called "psychotherapy" that feels more like a scam.

That one psychologist I mentioned wrote me a psychological evaluation report which he sent to me as a .pdf file via e-mail back in July of 2016, a report that seems to have absolutely zero practical use to me. Pic related. It's page one of my PsychEval report.

>>9634913
Do you want to start all over again every time you try a new chemistry experiment or do you want to get better?

>>9634935

>Do you want to start all over again every time you try a new chemistry experiment or do you want to get better?

I am not entirely sure what it is you are asking here. Yes, I want to get better. But I am not entirely sure on which route to take. I am not entirely sure where to go from here. I am receiving contradicting advice from various different people in my life, contradicting advice from: family members, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, psychologists, strangers on the internet, etc. I do not know who's advice I should trust more, who's advice is more reliable, who's advice I should follow. I feel as if just about every decision that I have made up until this point in my life has just been plain awful. Everything that I try doing with my life goes horribly wrong. I am unwanted everywhere I go. Even my own psychotherapists are rejecting me (pic related, it's the last e-mail that my third and most recent psychotherapist sent to me... she sent it to me last month and has since then been ignoring all of my e-mails and phone calls). I have become paralyzed by fear because everything I do, everything I say, everywhere I go, everybody I speak to... it all always just go so horribly wrong. While there was once a time that Adderall gave me sufficient energy and motivation to force me to get up, and out of my home, it now no longer seems to have that same effect. I hate the idea of having to look for a fourth psychotherapist out of fear of going through all of this yet again. And I sit here as a drunk, 29-year-old, unemployed, friendless, high school drop-out with loaded firearm in hand.

>>9634976
If you don't want to live there is no chemistry experiment that a professional guesser can throw at you to make you want to live. And if your purpose is to astroturf support for psychiatric medication or make gun owners look bad then I am totally okay with you "dying." Life is meaningful but also moving, you cannot sit still and wait for a carousel horse to open up while the damn thing stops, and no drug you take will do that for you either.
Done it yet? No? Then resolve to push it back five minutes. It makes no difference, you'll still be dead five minutes later. Then ten minutes. Then delay it for an hour. Then three, then six, then a day. You can be alive and be imperfect.
>everything goes wrong
Well considering that the only thing in your life is overcompensated professional help that would lose money if you matured, I'd say that's one hell of a cohencidence.
But what if you deliberately chose to continue living, even with everything going wrong?

>>9634733

>I do not exercise at all. Unless you count going outside to walk for a few hours as exercise.

Yes that is exercise, but you would benefit from something more vigorous like cycling. It is not surprising that dextro-amphetamine made you feel energetic, because it is speed. It is also not surprising that the antipsychotics have floored you as it is my impression that they are a real brute force method of treating mental disorders and dull one's mental faculties and induce a "zombie like" state which you describe. >>9634689 It is very concerning that now these serious medications are being prescribed flippantly.

>I only have one meal per day.

If you eat consistently you would see your mood elevated. Moreover you would have more energy. You said you were morbidly obese before, so clearly you were eating plenty, but it's likely you were eating loads of saturated fats and processed sugar and lacked basic nutrients.

It seems you have no substance abuse issues which is good.

>>9634913

>respect for psychiatry

Did your psychiatrists ask these fundamental questions before they prescribed you these drugs? I have little respect for psychiatry. SSRIs have been shown to be as effective as psychotherapy, and they give out these drugs like candy despite the efficacy being questionable and the mechanism of action unknown. Psychiatrists use a reductionist biomedical model with little success, and are basically just flinging shit at the problem and hoping something sticks. All these drugs are band-aid solutions (if they are even solutions at all), and the underlying issues are not being addressed. As a human you are not meant to live a sedentary lifestyle where you barely eat. If you are not in satisfactory physical health your mental health will continue to be a problem.

>>9635001

>But what if you deliberately chose to continue living, even with everything going wrong?

I don't know. I've been going over my head these past few months about where else my life could possibly go. I've imagined the worst of scenarios, and I've imagined the best of scenarios. I've imagined myself losing my hard-working, single, 72-year-old mother and then ending up homeless, struggling to breathe on a cold winter night due to my asthma, and being beaten to death by angry teenagers or police officers. I've imagined myself living a long, happy life with that psychotherapist of mine (I imagined this scenario in a time before she had sent to me that last e-mail, it's all a really long story). I've imagined all sorts of scenarios, some maybe plausible, others impossible.

And so right now I guess I am just desperately trying to organize my thoughts, reaching deep into my soul, trying to come up with the absolute best solution out of all of this so that maybe I could get the best possible scenario that I could ever possibly imagine.

Maybe somebody here could tell me something that no psychotherapist, no psychologist, no psychiatrist has been able to tell me: something mind-blowing, life-changing. Some revelation that just completely changes my perspective on everything.

I've already spent hundreds upon hundreds or even thousands upon thousands of dollars on numerous medications, examinations, types of psychotherapy, etc. and there seems to be no end in sight. Psychotherapists have yet to provide me with any answers that make me go, "wow!" Everything they tell me feels so generic, like the sort of thing I might hear from fictional therapists in movies or television shows like The Sopranos. Not the sort of thing worth paying thousands of dollars for. Psychiatrists are even worse than psychotherapists when it comes to giving advice, but, hey, at least they provide me with Adderall. Which does still manage to make me feel a bit better in the mornings.

>>9635036

>Did your psychiatrists ask these fundamental questions before they prescribed you these drugs?

They did not ask me those questions directly, no. But I do remember filling out a ton of forms back in July of 2013 back when I had first gone to see my very first psychiatrist, and I do remember some of those forms having those sorts of questions like:

>do you use drugs frequently? (alcohol & cigarettes included)

Although, it does not really seem as if my psychiatrists actually bother reading what I put down on any of those forms. I have also noticed that psychotherapists and psychologists behave similarly to psychiatrists in regards to this. They ask me questions that could have been easily answered had they simply looked at what I put down on my intake paperwork. They all do it, almost as if to intentionally waste my time and money. They even repeat to me questions that they had already asked before, and then get annoyed with me when I point this out to them.

>SSRIs have been shown to be as effective as psychotherapy

I am not a big fan of SSRIs, but I have found that the effectiveness of Adderall is far more immediate, noticeable, objective, measurable, positive, and long-lasting than the effectiveness of psychotherapy. In fact, I am not entirely sure that I have noticed psychotherapy to be even remotely effective. I have neither felt any happier, wiser, smarter, stronger, less depressed, nor less anxious since starting psychotherapy. I think I would go so far as to say that I have felt even worse since starting psychotherapy.

>>9635001
>>9635036

Since my psychotherapist and her superior (the psychologist who wrote me my PsychEval) have both been ignoring my phone calls and e-mails, earlier this month I ended up e-mailing my psychiatrist the following (which is something that I had e-mailed to my psychotherapist and her superior and they did not bother responding to):

>I am writing all of this out in an e-mail right now because I find it easier to articulate myself through text rather than through speech. I apologize if this comes off as an inconvenience

>I find myself sitting here staring at my computer screen, looking at my LinkedIn, Monster, and USAJobs profiles, working on my resume, and applying (or at least trying to apply) to jobs... only to find myself thinking, "what is the point of all of this? Where is all of this headed? What is the point of having a job? To make money? What is the point of making money? To pay for college? What is the point of going to college? To get a college degree? What is the point of getting a college degree? To have a good career? What is the point of having a good career? To make good money? What is the point of making good money? To survive? What is the point of survival? To live life? What is the point of life? To raise a family? What is the point of raising a family?"

My psychiatrist responded with an e-mail telling me that such questions could not be answered via e-mail, but within a session. In the next session he simply told me some story about some Japanese fishermen.

Everything seems so stupid and pointless to me now. Things that once brought me joy no longer do. Video games, movies, television shows, music... it all just seems so stupid and pointless. I can no longer enjoy those things, regardless of how drunk I am. The one thing that still seems to bring me something resembling happiness is that brief high I get in the morning after I chug down those 60 mg of Adderall alongside 300 mg in caffeine tablets.

>>9635156
If you just want to get high why don't you get a weed dealer?
>What is the point of having a job? To make money? What is the point of making money? To pay for college? What is the point of going to college? To get a college degree? What is the point of getting a college degree? To have a good career? What is the point of having a good career? To make good money? What is the point of making good money? To survive?
All this stuff is survival basically, yeah. I mean, you probably won't die if you don't make money, but you will likely end up in a really unpleasant situation e.g. homeless and dumpster diving.
It's not that complicated. You know how when you're hungry you eat? Working to make money is the same sort of thing, except humans are a little more intelligent than other animals so we can put work in for slightly less immediate returns on investment. And just as eating is a better course of action than not eating when you're hungry, working is a better course of action than not working when you're trying to keep your life from getting any more stressful than it already is.
>What is the point of survival? To live life? What is the point of life? To raise a family? What is the point of raising a family?
There is no point to living life or raising a family, those are both just instinctual things for the most part. Also it's a bit of a misinterpretation that life is something you can choose to live or not live. Most people wouldn't be able to kill themselves even if they had the means to do so quickly and with reliable success. The people who do kill themselves probably didn't use the power of their will to accomplish that task. It's more like they happened to have something off in their brains enough to where the normal aversion people have to self-harm got weakened enough to let them go through with it.

>>9635177

>It's more like they happened to have something off in their brains enough to where the normal aversion people have to self-harm got weakened enough to let them go through with it.

So you are saying that there's really no such thing as free will, that whatever is keeping people from killing themselves is the same thing that drives people to successfully commit suicide? The biochemistry in their brains, which is itself driven by the laws of physics in this universe?

So if there's no such thing as free will, why should I bother doing anything at all? Why shouldn't I simply allow the universe to "guide" me through life? Is such a thing possible? If the universe is capable of guiding an individual organism throughout its life, could that imply that the universe itself is capable of thought, could that imply the existence of a "God"?

Why don't I simply wait for the universe to flip that switch in my brain to cure me of my depression?

Or could it be possible that my mother was right when she told me, "oh? You have depression? Why don't you simply stop having depression, then? Will yourself out of your depression! Use your own will power to overcome your depression! You don't need any medication. You don't need any therapy."

If what she is suggesting is truly possible, then does that imply the existence of free will? Could I really overcome my own depression with sheer will power alone? If such a thing were possible, would that imply the existence of a "soul"?

>>9635199
Sorry, that was me. Forgot to type in my trip.

>>9635177
>It's more like they happened to have something off in their brains enough to where the normal aversion people have to self-harm got weakened enough to let them go through with it.

So you are saying that there's really no such thing as free will, that whatever is keeping people from killing themselves is the same thing that drives people to successfully commit suicide? The biochemistry in their brains, which is itself driven by the laws of physics in this universe?

So if there's no such thing as free will, why should I bother doing anything at all? Why shouldn't I simply allow the universe to "guide" me through life? Is such a thing possible? If the universe is capable of guiding an individual organism throughout its life, could that imply that the universe itself is capable of thought, could that imply the existence of a "God"?

Why don't I simply wait for the universe to flip that switch in my brain to cure me of my depression?

Or could it be possible that my mother was right when she told me, "oh? You have depression? Why don't you simply stop having depression, then? Will yourself out of your depression! Use your own will power to overcome your depression! You don't need any medication. You don't need any therapy."

If what she is suggesting is truly possible, then does that imply the existence of free will? Could I really overcome my own depression with sheer will power alone? If such a thing were possible, would that imply the existence of a "soul"?

>>9635199
>So you are saying that there's really no such thing as free will
Yeah. Seems like there's plenty of evidence our behavior is determined by our brains (e.g. you can isolate partial components of the overall behavior we exhibit like language faculties or motor skills and explain them in terms of different things the brain does), and the brain is a physical object which follows ordinary physical cause and effect relationships.
>So if there's no such thing as free will, why should I bother doing anything at all?
"Why" doesn't really matter since you have no free will and are going to do or not do what you will do or not do regardless of how much sense it makes.
>Why shouldn't I simply allow the universe to "guide" me through life?
I don't know what you mean by this. I'm telling you there isn't free will in the first place so there's no such thing as being guided by the universe or not, you're already behaving because of physical cause and effect relationships. You sound like you're convinced on some level you do have free will and that's why you're asking questions which actually assume free will exists.

>>9635156
It's capitalism. he's making money off you. you're old enough to know the world is meaningless. humans are four legged animals and earth is just a giant rock floating around through space.

one crucial thing you haven't mentioned mate is your masterbating habits. how often you fap? what sex fantasies you have? you stare at cute girls in public???

>>9635216

>You sound like you're convinced on some level you do have free will and that's why you're asking questions which actually assume free will exists.

I am not assuming anything. I am just trying to figure out why it is the way that I am, why I do the things that I do. If I have no free will, then who or what is controlling me? Who or what is making me the way that I am? The universe? God?

How, exactly, am I supposed to "cure" myself of my depression, even after I have spent thousands of dollars on numerous medications and psychotherapy, and am I still finding myself depressed? What is it, exactly, that I must do? What do I need to do? Cure myself of my depression with sheer force of will? But I have no free will! So then what the hell is it!? I feel like I've already tried everything. It now takes me a tremendous amount of energy to simply get up, off of my chair, and walk out of my apartment's door. But why!? Why am I like this!? What was the driving force, the force that drove me out of my home, and go out and do things decades ago!? Why can't I tap that force anymore!? Where did it go!? What is it that I must do? Reach deep into my soul? But I have no free will, then that must mean that I have no soul!

>one crucial thing you haven't mentioned mate is your masterbating habits. how often you fap? what sex fantasies you have? you stare at cute girls in public???

The antidepressant Emeron and the antipsychotic Abilify combined seem to have almost completely killed my sex drive, I think. Almost. I still find myself staring at attractive women in public, though. I was even fantasizing for several months about having a life with my psychotherapist (that one psychotherapist who sent me that e-mail in that screenshot that I posted above).

>>9635156
how do you feel when you first wake up? happy?

I been through hell and back. had brain injury and heart disease. seen neurologist and was insulted on how childish his examination was. my brain was severely damaged I started having schizophrenia symptoms. turns out I had vitamin b12 deficiency and coq10. after that I just had high protein diet and lots of exercise. mind feels healthy now. don't underestimate how important exercise is.

Just dropping some thoughts by that might be of assistance.

Nihilism ain't the way to be.
When this kind of world view isn't adopted for pure momentary utility it will grind you down into dust.

Recently done some searching into Buddhist philosophy and found a lot of solace in this world view.
Just lets you be comfortable in your own skin. You can feel okay playing the game. Or not.

>>9635237
>The antidepressant Emeron and the antipsychotic Abilify combined seem to have almost completely killed my sex drive,
this sounds like huge problem... sex drive is so important... arguably the most important for certain individuals. you should be take drugs that boost sex drive. masterbating after smoking marijuana is seriously amazing. have such intense orgasms. sex is the core of your existence without it in your life you will have depression.

>>9635239

>how do you feel when you first wake up? happy?

I feel awful. Just plain awful. It seems as if no matter how little, or how much I sleep I get, it is just quite never enough. I lay in bed for a few minutes more after waking up, thinking that I might feel a bit better later. But I don't. The one thing that really manages to drag me out of bed is Adderall. I just think to myself, "just take it, man. It's right there. Adderall. Just a little to your right, in your medicine cabinet. Just reach out and take it. You'll feel better. You'll see."

>>9635177

>If you just want to get high why don't you get a weed dealer?

>>9635247

>masterbating after smoking marijuana is seriously amazing

I smoked cannabis maybe about two or three times nearly a decade ago thinking that it might help me deal with my anxiety, but it did not. It only made my anxiety worse for a few hours... once the cannabis' effect wore off, I just went back to my usual level of anxiety.

>>9635242

So are you suggesting that maybe I should turn to religion and spirituality, maybe not necessarily Buddhism, but any religion, even like Christianity? Or maybe I could get into that whole "nerd rapture" thing and believe in the coming Singularity?

Abilify did absolutely nothing to me. None of the antidepressants I've taken have done anything either and I've take many of them in large doses. The only psych drug that seems to do something is ritalin, but only in high doses, I think I might have a massive dopamine deficiency.

>>9635263
my biggest complaint is I go from asleep to awake instantly. like I have no brain cells left to recharge.

anxiety can be from underachieving. how are you socially. do you get happiness from any natural things like social or exercise? why were you happy playing video games before? what changed? do you think you brain could be damaged in a sense? do you get pleasure from stretching in the morning? showering? you should toy with the concept that your brain has been damaged in a sense and there's a way to fix it. revert it to how it was. cause I was in same mess. but every time I exercised I could feel my brain getting better and better. try meditating. be in control

>>9635237
>If I have no free will, then who or what is controlling me? Who or what is making me the way that I am? The universe? God?
I already said, physical cause and effect relationships. The brain isn't magic, it's physical and responds to input with output in completely physical ways. It's much more complicated than the physics of a rock rolling down a hill, but just because you have a trillion events like a rock rolling down a hill instead of just one doesn't mean you get free will out of the equation.

>>9635286

>how are you socially

OK. Here goes:

>I am turning 30 years old this year
>dropped out of high school at 17, back in 2006
>the only "education" that I've received since then has mainly been Wikipedia and Khan Academy
>have been essentially unemployed for over a decade
>have only had one "real" job: a mall cop job for a single month, back in 2011
>have not had any "real" friends since 1997
>have not had any "internet friends" since 2009
>have never had a girlfriend
>virgin
>have only ever kissed one girl: a stripper in Mexico, back in 2006
>spend all day playing video games even though video games do very little if anything for me anymore
>am currently living with my "retired", single, hard-working, 72-year-old mother
>have been officially diagnosed by an actual psychologist as having three different disorders: major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder
>have been officially diagnosed by an actual psychiatrist as having attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
>diagnosed with four different disorders that nobody in my family nor anybody else in the world seems to believe are "real"
>am currently being prescribed an antipsychotic (Abilify), an antidepressant (Remeron), and a psychostimulant (Adderall), none of which seem to do all that much for me anymore
>being prescribed medications to treat disorders that nobody seems to believe are real
>have now become 30+ pounds overweight thanks to Abilify
>the psychologist who diagnosed me has been ignoring my e-mails and phone calls since March of 2017
>the psychologist's subordinate (my third and most recent psychotherapist) told me last month to stop trying to contact her or else she would take legal actions against me

>>9635303

>I already said, physical cause and effect relationships. The brain isn't magic, it's physical and responds to input with output in completely physical ways. It's much more complicated than the physics of a rock rolling down a hill, but just because you have a trillion events like a rock rolling down a hill instead of just one doesn't mean you get free will out of the equation.

So all I need to do is just sit here and relax, go with the flow, allow for a trillion little things to go into motion to finally flip that switch in my brain so that I may finally get up and move and start doing things again?

Or is there a little something that I must do first, maybe give myself a little push? And if so, what is that little thing that I must do that will "push" me?

>>9635307
stop. taking. those meds. somewhere deep down you know they are bad for you.

have you tried vitamin supplements? have you checked for vitamin deficiency? kinda important. I had vitamin b12 deficiency and had homicidal fantasies . it's serious stuff. after that all you need is lots of diet.exercise. then after that social

in that post it's soooo obvious you know you are underachieving(which causes anxiety) and you know those meds are bad for you. get rid of them.

depression occurs when


It multiplexes several related functions. Chronic cortisol release, nutrient deficiencies, and inflammation leads to cytokine-mediated signalling that reduces firing rates of neurons and changes the neuro-chemistry of the brain to emphasize rest, social isolation, self-critical behaviour, lower libido, body-fat gain, a lower metabolic rate, reduced willingness to exercise, and a higher threshold for excitement in general. Why? Because in our ancestral environment you will have increased inflammation, nutrient deficiencies and chronic cortisol release signal that you done goof'd: either a kin member died, you are sick, or living through times of chronic famine. Thus your self-isolation program kicks in to protect you from further disease vectors at a time of frailty and stopping you from infecting others, from expending energy on dominance displays and sexual endevours during a time of healing, and conserving calorie stores through a reduced metabolic rate etc.

>>9635340

>in that post it's soooo obvious you know you are underachieving

Yeah, okay, so I'm underachieving. So what do you think would be a "normal" level of achievement for me? If I told you that I wanted to become President of the United States, would you take me seriously? Would you believe that I could genuinely make it? Or would you call me a narcissist, an overachiever for even considering that I am capable of such a thing? What if I said that I wanted to become an astronaut, become the first man to walk on Mars? What if I said that I've fantasized for years of building a real time machine? Could any of these things be considered to be achievable goals for someone in my position? Would I be considered delusional for thinking that I could achieve any of those things? And who would consider me delusional for thinking such things? Psychiatrists? Psychotherapists? Psychologists? Who has the authority to tell me what is or is not possible, and why should they have the authority?

I can remember once telling my father that I would like to work at a factory, working an assembly line. He became very angry and told me that I was crazy for aiming so low in life, that the family was right in saying that I needed to seek professional help. Would I really be setting my standards too low in life if I said that I wanted to work in a factory? And if my standards are too low, then how high should my standards be? Where is my lot in life, and who or what gets to decide where I will go? How high would be too high? And then what will happen when I aim too high in life and realize that I will never reach my goal? I will come crashing back down. Hard. Correct?