/sci/ - Science & Math

Oh, guy... I am 18 years old. I have nice autobiographical memory, nice memory scientific stuff, nice visualization capacity, facility with languages.
I was always really afraid losing something of that.
But last six months I began to feel like these advantages are mine forever.
Your post scared me.

>>8875260

Stay healthy man, you can definitely lose them. My mind is blank, I don't dream, I hardly find joy in anything, my manic easy going attitude is gone and my short term memory is completely whack, with my episodic memory nowhere to be seen. I think what caused this was prolonged periods of stress, depression, junk food eating and sleep deprivation.


I don't even feel like the same person anymore

>>8875223
The further you reach the further it gets away. At least when it comes to state of mind. I used to suck at pretty much everything math related and had to physically lock my body in place, force my eyes to stay glued to paper and focus.

Eventually you realize that it was literally all in your head. You just have to make the journey to get out of your own way so to speak.

I'm relieved that this is a common occurrence because the same thing has happened to me. It makes me think that there's a solution.

>>8875299
>>8875299

In my desperation, I've been doing some research online regarding supplements or medication that could potentially reverse stress damage to the brain, which seems to affect mainly the hippo-campus (no wonder my memory is shit) and the pre-frontal cortex (planning, visualization, sustaining attention).


Exercise, a diet high in omega 3 and meditation seems to be the best things one can do to both mitigate stress and recover from it, on the supplement side I hear about a plant called Bacopa Monneri which supposedly works to reverse the damage done to the hippo-campus by increase the amount of connections between neurons, but it takes a couple of months. The same goes for Lion's mane, a mushroom extract that apparently increases the rate by which the brain creates new neurons. There's also some experimental drugs like NSI-189, which...according to some reports, literally increases the size of the hippo campus on rats. But it's unclear if it works on humans, trials are on going right now.
I am going to be buying Bacopa & Lion's mane to give it a try..

>>8875285

It's all a big placebo, is that what you mean? But it cannot be, my behavior is so radically different. I just constantly try to seek out refugee from stress, life has lost it's brightness. Bkac then, if I was having a bad time I could even find meaning in my suffering and let it be expressed into something beautiful, now...it's all dead.


I don't get it.

>>8875223
Do you study a lot or is it emotional stress?

>>8875337
Keep trying to understand yourself and eventually you will find answers. You do need to quit all negative vices though.

>>8875363

I just recently came down from a 4 month period of full on 12 hours a day working, but it was aid by Modafinil. I think the real issue is emotional distress or just plain lacking the capacity to control/regulate my emotions, I have no presence of mind unless I am either taking Modafinil or Adderall.

>>8875223
>Do you know if it is possible to recover mental capacities lost to really long periods of sustained stress and depression?
Yes, but you need to remove the depression in order to do this and you are clearly still a basketcase

Once you normalize your emotional state your mental state will return to normal within a few months

>>8875223

Having gone through something similar, I will say that it does come back, at least partially.

I think it was a combination of things. It's not just raw calculating power, but memory as you say. and also abstract thinking. I still really struggle to visualise things - it's really hurting my chess play because I just cannot envision the board even a couple of moves ahead, when it used to be no problem to me. It's the same with those IQ tests which ask you to rotate shapes in your head - I really struggle now. The brain fog was real for me.

I think my memory has (mostly) returned to its former faculties, though I notice myself struggling for words more frequently (as in I cannot find the exact word that I need, which happens to everyone, but which is a more noticeable occurrence for me now). My brainpower did eventually come back. I learn as well as I ever did (I think). I have no problem revising material that I used to know.

But the biggest problem has been bad habits. I used to work so hard and focus so well, but now it's such an effort. I have become quite lazy, which I think contributes heavily to the issues above. If you can master that, I think you can make a substantial recovery. For me, I am not really sure whether more will come back, or whether I did irreparable damage or whether I am just getting older and am not as fresh as I used to be.

Focus on fixing the deeper problems first i.e. your depression. For me, it was like a fog lifting from my brain. Once that happened, everything was clearer. From there, I still think there is hope if you are young - but you will have to fight for it. I guess there is an opportunity cost; you lost studying time, but there's nothing you can do about that.

Also, how are you sleeping now?

>>8875394

> I used to work so hard and focus so well, but now it's such an effort. I have become quite lazy, which I think contributes heavily to the issues above


This is very true, I struggle a lot getting things done which is why I use Modafinil. One of the things that causes me the most emotiona distress is my own procrastination, I find that when I take Modafinil or other stimulants regularly and actually get going on my projects, I am much better emotionally. I have always felt ashamed of having to use drugs to get stuff done, which is partly a reason I don't use constantly...maybe I should, I don't know.


>Also, how are you sleeping now?

I try to keep a regular schedule, but sometimes I end up living during the night and sleeping during the day. Despite this, I try to get at least 8 hours of sleep.

>>8875323

>I am going to be buying Bacopa & Lion's mane to give it a try..


report back to us, anon

>>8875442

Well, I only ask about sleep because it exacerbated a lot of my problems. When I began to sleep better, I felt so much more capable and had an easy time focussing.

Like I said, I wouldn't give up (easier said than done, I know). Work on fixing the underlying problems first, and if you can make it through depression, then you can definitely recover your mental faculties too. Don't write yourself off yet!

See a therapist, even if it's just for coping strategies. I faced a lot of anxieties and regrets, even after the worst of my depression subsided - I felt powerless, afraid of failing again, bitter about screwing up my trajectory in life and wasting good opportunities etc.. It helped me to talk it out, make plans for my future.

Also, don't shoot yourself in the foot by resisting treatment because you feel it's pointless because you don't think that you're never going to get back to how you were.

I don't know how long it will take to return to normalcy. For me, it took a couple of years to recover from depression, and probably a couple of years more to 'retrain' myself, though this was as much as about finding new motivation as it was about learning maths. I still think I have a way to go, but I am making progress. That seems like a long time, but to me it was better than dying.

Finally, you also need to appreciate that there are two cognitive biases at work:

Firstly, you probably overestimate your prior capabilities because they seem so great in contrast to your own and because you remember it as such a good time in your life - it's nostalgia. You're not as far behind as you think.

Secondly, if you have not done much studying for a long time, then you're bound to lose your edge. I remember that between years at uni, over the summer holiday, I'd lose a little mathematical sharpness that would take a few weeks to return. That's perfectly normal.

In both cases, you're overestimating the scale of the problem.

>>8875485
Just made the order, I will report back on it for /sci/.


>>8875496

Thank you for the thought, Anon. I think I'll go meditate on it for a bit...I need to reconsider some things.

>>8875323
It's not gone forever anon, it's just buried under the stress. I've went through years of horrible anxiety, stress and depression, along with some drug use and I'm doing alright now. Still not where I want to be, but it's worlds away from where I was.
Try some Sam e. I take 200mg 2 days on, one day off, and it really helps.

And try not to spend too much time thinking about your problem and researching online. For me that always made things worse. Just try to relax and find low-stakes activities that are stimultating. You'll get better

>>8875379
Well there's your problem lol

>>8875279
I think it's mostly the depression that impairs you. All issues you described seemed to cause depression which was a result of the junk food eating, lack of exercise, and sleep deprivation.

>>8875223
iktf OP
>tfw bipolar with cognitive impairment
>mfw it gets worse every year
I'll never be successful desu.

>>8875223
Even though the situations sucks, I'm actually reassured to know that other people have the same problems. Reading your OP was like reading a perfect summary of my own life for the past 8 years. Things used to be pretty good and then they all went downhill. Glad you're realizing it and trying to fix it OP; I'm 24 and in the exact same boat and trying to fix my life as well.
Let us know how the experimental supplements go. I've been taking D3 and B12 as well as zinc for the last 5 or 6 weeks and also going to bed around midnight, and it seems to be helping somewhat, but I need to exercise regularly and probably meditate too.
Good luck OP and I'll be waiting to see a thread about any progress you make with the supplements

Yes stuff like this is very possible. The best thing you can do is live life. Your mental capacities faded temporarily because of imbalances in your life. Keep exercising, work on your body, work on your brain. Get tons of rest. It will gradually come back when you least notice it.

The only way to recover your cognitive impairment is by removing ALL the stress agents around you. Taking pills won't do good for you if those agents stay around you.
>Quit shit job if you have one, find a way to make money easier.
>Live alone. This is vital.
>Don't associate with people you don't absolutely appreciate being around with.
>Spend a lot of time meditating on a sofa
>If you are bored, spend time at well-maintained libraries. This will naturally facilitate your intellectual hunger

Isolating yourself from almost everything will successfully isolate you from possible stress agents as well. This always works.

>>8877071
[citation needed]

OP here, I am back on the Modafinil train and it feels great. Already planning what to do once more and getting what needs to get done, it's not the best solution perhaps but if it allows me to escape my current shithole then I guess it might even be more healthy long term than continuing untreated.


I cannot wait to receive my package of Bacopa, Lion's mane, Huperzine and Fish oil to see if it improves memory. I am off to exercise for a bit. Thank you you for you advice and encouragement.