/sci/ - Science & Math

>"Atoms are mostly are empty space. In fact, there's so much empty space that if you compressed all the matter in known universe together, it would fit within the period at the end of this sentence." - Neil Degrasse Tyson

>>6091888
Now, see, this is the best kind of fake quote because it actually sounds halfway plausible if you don't think about it too much. Fake quotes should be things that dumb people should think are true.

>>6091903
that quote is actually true..

>>6091906
If thats true this Neil guy is a retard.

>>6091906
lest assume a period = 1mm, known universe has 10^80 particles meaning 1 particle must be on the order of 10^-23m.

effective sizes of quarks are around 10^-18m. 10^-23 is on the order the effective cross section radius of 1 MeV neutrinos.

using the effective size of quarks would give a size of 5cm, far larger than a period.

>>6091897
Did you just quote me? im flattered

>>6091906
really? source?

why do you guys like spreading misinformation?

>>6091974
lol this is almost what Socrates said.

>>6091974
choose a better color.

>>6091868

Need more Black Science Man quotes.

>>6091897
OP wanted fake quotes.

>>6091888
>>6091903
And now it's done.

>>6091980
Maybe once a few dumbasses get burned, they'll learn not to take stuff at face value and think about the stuff that comes out of people's mouths. So you see, good can come of this.

By the way >>6091888 is good, but it has another spelling mistake I didn't catch. It's corrected in pic related.

>>6091906
The tightest possible compression of mass is into a black hole with Schwarzschild radius 2Gm/c^2. The observable universe has a mass of around 10^53 kg. This corresponds to a Schwarzschild radius of over 10 billion light years. Slightly larger than a period.

If these get into the wrong hands... misinformation prevails instead of comedy.

>>6092120
It already happend. If I remember correctly, one of our fake Neil Tyson quotes got thousands of upvotes on reddit.

>>6091936
>implying it stops at quarks
It's turtles, all the way down. You can make the period as small as you want.

>>6092126
are we on /opinions/? because last time i checked there is no evidence for what you are saying.

>>6092120
That's the point, the comedy is in watching people make fools of themselves, by swallowing factoids they read on a purdy image without so much as a second thought. I mean come on anon, who are we kidding, this happens regularly anyway. Our bullshit is a drop in the river of retardation. Besides, all anyone has to do to defuse potential insanity, is show the archives of these threads.

>>6092049
At that point I'd argue that size comparisons vs a period become irrelevant as we're all dead and all traces of our existence are gone along with anyone who might've found evidence of our existence.

>>6091974
This one hurts my brain AND my eyes.

>>6092134
> Our bullshit is a drop in the river of retardation.
no it is the river.

>>6092106
oh I trooly lol'd
saved

>>6092170
this is goddamn hilarious, but I doubt anyone on reddit would recognize who he was.

>>6092170
get rid of that fucking red font.

>>6092153
>no it is the river.
Yeah, because our beloved 4chins is the source of all information and knowledge in this world.

"God doesn't play cards."

"Gravitation is responsable for people falling in love."

"The true sign of intelligence is knowing how to do triple integrals."

>>6092117
Ah, fuck me. This one can probably devastate most facialbook users, but it needs correction. Pic related has the spelling fixed.

>>6091981
that's almost what Plato said Socrates said.

Pic related.

>>6091974

>>6092408
Prove it

>>6092382
I c what u did here...

>>6092049
>This corresponds to a Schwarzschild radius of over 10 billion light years

Even without making the calculations this is painfully obviously wrong. You are basically saying the observable is on average 800 times less dense than a black hole. Sounds legit.

>>6092425
Isn't that true? The observable universe is bigger than 13.8 billion years in radius. Unless the trolling part is that we can see quasars not up to but further than 18 billion years, but that's quite lame.

>>6092505
Gold.

>>6092505
oh god that picture

>>6092106
this one was funny

sorry for being childish, but it simply is

>>6092036
Yeh, it was late when I wrote it and I edited it a couple of times, didn't catch the spelling mistakes till after. Figured you'd all get the jist.

>>6092170
The red font makes it hard to read, put it in white or black I'd say.

>>6092504
Best one ever.

moar michio kaku pls

>>6093086
Oh lawdy, my mind just blew up.

>>6092522
>Unless the trolling part is that we can see quasars not up to but further than 18 billion years, but that's quite lame.
So you're saying that seeing anything at 16 to 18 Gly is legit?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_the_most_distant_astronomical_objects

The most insidious are the ones that involve estimates, which were obtained with some kind of statistical data analysis, which barely anyone understands anyway. Moar of those plox.

>>6093282
Nah, I think they need to appeal to pop-science hipsters. If they involve too many stats that are barely understandable, they won't think it's 'mind-blowing and cool' and post it to their facebook walls.

>>6092502
That's actually true, though.

Remember that black holes actually get less dense as they grow, so "density of a black hole" doesn't mean anything - for any arbitrary density, there is a black hole of mass M with that density. And in fact, the average density of the observable universe IS pretty close to the density of a black hole with that mass.

>>6093282
but this one might be true
i'm too lazy to do the calculations
but there are a shit load of stars in the observable universe

>>6093383

>>6093387

>>6093393

>>6093396

>>6093398

>>6093401

This one would really be believed by "science fans"

>>6093401
>>6093398
these two are good. Teslafags will eat that shit up.

>>6093401

last one I have

>>6093401
I love this one.

>>6093211
Just made this

>>6093282

If...

So work with me here: If the universe is infinite (Which is an idea with some traction), wouldn't there be infinite stars? Now obviously some infinities are bigger than others, but "Atoms in our galaxy" is a large-but-finite number.

How's this one?

>>6093484
On the right track, but that joke has been done in some form or another several times before.

>>6093519
A+ my friend

>>6093299
I'm banking on the picture. I think that plays a critical role in what they decide to le upboat XD, lyl. Remember, style over substance.

>>6093322
>>6093473
Might be isn't exactly *is*, now is it? As far as the observable universe goes, it's incorrect. The Sun alone has more atoms than the number of stars estimated to be out there. If you want to bring infinity into it, we're entering the realm of speculations not backed up by data.

It's intended to trap people in a circular argument. Whether or not someone will be able to successfully use it like that is another matter.

>>6093484
>How's this one?
A bit suggestive. Saved.

Too much?

>>6093322
it's so wrong. you know how many atoms there are in the sun alone? the universe would have to be a whole lot bigger than the observable universe.

>>6093396
bahahaha. 5kg of electrical energy is a shit-ton, though.

>>6093679
I think this one would only be good for internal use, much like >>6092382 or >>6093211

There's also this line:
>much in you is still worm
>much in you
If you go full Freudian on this, it sort of implies the reader has a big penis.

Dawkins

>>6093461
deGrasse tyson is the best one to use I think because he's the one most 'I fucking love science' people piss their pants over.

>>6093715
Nuh-uh, nazi. Is use so much cuz u all racist.

In all seriousness though, that one is excellent. At first I wondered if it's a real quote, but then I got it. It implies the glorified calculators, which we use to distribute porn, have cognition comparable to a human.

>>6093691
I thought the words of Nietzsche attributed to Dawkins would be good misinfo, but oh well.

These threads need some Krauss.

>>6093737
On second thought, it could work if used on the right kind of people. Assuming you send it to someone, who's only vaguely familiar with Dawkins, they might buy it.

Heisenburg and how he was uncertain about QM

easier to read in blue?

>>6091868
>Let's make some more of these fake quotes, they're great.

Yeah, totally great. There is not enough stupidity in the world. Let's spread more! Seems like a project worth considering.

Here is a blank Heisenburg for people to
put in GIMP/Photoshop to make false quotes with.
/ enjoy

>>6093768
>idiot likes one of our BS quotes on [insert moron infested social network here] because it's trendy
>a serious problem that will compromise the high level of intelligence commonly seen in the masses
Perhaps you should go bitch at the Onion too.

>>6092170
Haha, the best one yet

Seems pretty relevent :p

>>6093782
Hope you don't think it's foolproof. You're assuming everyone who uses the internet knows who's in the picture or who Abe Lincoln was.

>>6093791
You know what im getting at, btw this is like my 2nd day on 4chan

>>6093795
We can tell by the emoticons.

>>6093798
So I guess thats no go then?

>>6093804
It's fine child, it's fine.

>>6093807
Well I feel so much better now, anyway back to the thread topic !

>>6093795
>You know what im getting at
Sadly I don't, for you see, I cannot even know that I cannot know nuthin.

>>6093804
It's not like there are rules regulating people's typing style, but you don't see a lot of emoticons over here. After all, why use text when you can attach images?

In the previous thread, someone complained about my retardation ruining a good quote. Reposting with fixed spelling now.

>>6093837
love it. its just so wrong!

>>6093857
That's the point. I would say it's another one of those internal use ones. So is pic related. Not one of mine, but it made me chuckle.

>>6093861
Or "I am the one who knocks"

Does anyone have the "There number of stars in our universe is exactly one billion." one?

>>6093896
This is close

spelled electron correctly

>>6093902
This is probably what he was actually thinking when he wrote the original quote.

>>6093873
Pic related is what you left out of that quote.

>>6093910
Yeah, to get along with people who are less intelligent, you either need to hide the fact, or act exaggeratedly humble.

I can't look at Newton and see an honestly humble character.

>>6093788
fuck, correction

>>6093791
>You're assuming everyone who uses the internet knows who's in the picture or who Abe Lincoln was.
Everybody knows Abe Lincoln.

6 feet tall, weighs a fucking ton.

>>6093943
I saw the film Abe Lincoln Vampire hunter where he had a silver axe and stuff

>>6092151
>>6091981
Go away. This board isn't for you pseudo-intelligent philosophy & pseudo-science hipsterscum.

The reactions to these pictures make me realize that people who lurk /sci/ are the same type of people who lurk /wsg/. I think I will be leaving now.

Nobody posted this one? I don't have the unedited one.

>>6091868

>>6094123
I thought the point was trying to come up with some OC, not dump every bs quote ever made.

>>6094140
some old ones were posted so I thought it was just post em.

p-please don't hurt me

>>6094143
Some are reposts, but I don't think all of them are. I know I strained my noggin to come up with some new ones at least.

>p-please don't hurt me
But what if you enjoy being hurt?

>>6094152
I don't think I do

>>6094155
You ain't been hurt right yet.

>>6094164
how will I know that i've been hurt the right way?

>>6094188
A nice feel in your loins.

>>6094196
ok makes sense

Coming from Teller this might actually be believable.

>>6094240
another.

>>6093901
Don't be silly. You need at least four billions to be "billions and billions of stars"

>>6094264

>>6094278
my fucking sides

>>6094278

Guys, am I funny?

>>6093383
But Dr. Quantum told me so!

I think I ran out of ideas.

Btw, here's the celestial sagan template if anyone wants it.

>>6094264
if they were genetically engineered fish specially designed for some task, and to survive in there somehow, I could see it being a good idea.

maybe you get a wound and the fish when exposed to something in the air, they secrete a glue like coating that binds them to other fish. till the wound is clogged up with dying fish.

they could work much faster then platelets, and clog up a wound much larger.

they would have to be smaller then a mm though. maybe just do the same thing with nanotech

>>6094275
This line made me laugh more than any of the quotes in the thread. +1

HEre

>>6094426
"Most humans use only 10% of their brains. I am not most humans." -Einstein

how do you like this one

>>6094374
>implying increased speed of forming blood clots only has positive effects
>apparently thinks coagulation is triggered by "something in the air"

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/blood-clots
>The process of blood clotting is triggered whenever flowing blood is exposed to certain substances. There are many different such substances, which are called thrombogenic because they promote formation of thrombus (another name for a clot). Many thrombogenic substances are located in the skin or in blood vessel walls. Normally safely separated from flowing blood, their contact with blood usually means the blood vessel wall is ruptured and bleeding.

You tryin' to get into a quote m8?

>>6094447
when its a genetically engineered nanofish (or some nanobots or something) then it may coagulate in a very different way from platelets. with different side effects. but when you're bleeding out to death from a wound too massive for regular platelets, those side effects will seem relatively unimportant.

>>6093722
>It implies the glorified calculators, which we use to distribute porn, have cognition comparable to a human.
The best part is this very argument was used to argue for the enslavement of blacks.

>>6094278
I really love this one. It's so silly.

>>6094477
We "made" our electrical abacuses. We didn't make our cotton workers.

>>6094431
This is so good it needs a picture

>>6094471
Maybe coagulation works the way it does, because when a wound occurs, air doesn't enter into the blood stream and mix with it? Your fish things could just leak out of the gaping wound, and down your leg or whatever, before they can be properly activated by whatever is in the air.

Or, perhaps, they'll just form very thin, easily broken layers, because the only place they are exposed to the triggering chemicals is at a thin liquid/gas interface plane. By contrast, if the chemicals that trigger the clotting are introduced directly in the blood flow, they can mix much faster and form a beefier plug.

>>6094477
I guess we need to start thinking about the ffffffeeeeeelings of toasters, light switches, tire pumps etc.

>>6094315
But those tubes are made of strings

>>6094639
>powerful current
This is plenty retarded on it's own, but the rest just kicks it over the edge of reason, in case there's any doubt as to what you're reading. I love it.

>>6094662
>which says it all really
goes perfectly with the frown he's making.

there was one with emmy noether about the closure of the unit ball, anybody have it?

not 'haha' funny but
>>>/lit/4188609

>>6093760
No (color blind)

>>6094877
>>>/lit/4188945

>>6094240
Which Teller? Le TrashMan or Le NukeMan?

>>6094875
isn't is 2pi?

>>6094278
This is my favorite because I can easily imagine an old, eccentric scientist deadpanning this perfectly.

>>6091974
lol @ wittgenstein using that kind of language talking about epistemology.

>>6095151
i think thats part of the joke m9

>>6093768
just speeding up natural selection on reddit

>>6094177
peheheh

>>6094278
this sounds just like a dry british wit

>>6094426
I like how he refers to humans as 'they'

>>6094435
"one god"

>>6094875
top lel

You tell me which one is more fake.

...

>>6095151
yeah but it is funnier if its wrong as well as stupid

Actually I agree

>>6094875

>>6094875
excellent in vagueness. not a mention of 2 Pi or circumference, just radians as thoough they might be peas held in the circle or something

>>6095792
That Brian Cox is so annoying.

>>6095805
He is very annoying. But anyone who can do La Place transforms is OK in my book

>>6094491
maximum overlulz

>>6092962
Just wanted you to know your joke was not lost on me.

Back to the elders. lel

Doesn't really work if you don't know who she is

Does anyone have a larger version of this picture?

>>6093398
Jesus this made me kek so hard

>>6093519
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!?

>>6092522

The observable universe has a radius of around 46 billion lightyears. But still we can't see anything that has traveled more than 13.4 billion lightyears (in the first 400 million years, photons were not emited the way they are now). so actually this quote is true. The quasars might be 20 billion light years away by now, but they were not when the light was released.

>>6094325
"qtpi lele

>>6096011
that's from when he legitimately was/is batshit

welp, i'm late

Why are so many people on sci incapable of writing a simple sentence without dropping random words

>>6096941
Exactly.

The postulate that the world is a simulation is a farce. A simulated fire doesn't burn, a simulated mind does not think.
~Pythagoras

>>6097708
My guess is that it happens, because anons don't really pay attention to what they're writing. Since the one writing a sentence can cycle through it multiple times in his head, he kinda just skims it with the eyes as it comes out. On that note, where's your question mark?

>>6097861
>Descartes implying such a flooding hasn't happened log ago on /sci/
Sci was always shit and it will always be shit.

>>6097669
>Thomas Vulva Edison

Why did I find this so funny?

>>6093873

I'm actually putting and together a video of these quotes. Pic related, snippet of video. Excuse the shit 4:3 squashed quality, I just quickly rendered this part. It'll also be peppered with some more lens flares, stars and shit in the final version.

So keep up, some quotes here might feature.

>>6098191
The slides change too fast. Look into that.

Can someone make an Alan Turing one that says something like:

>The fastest computer will be able to give the answer to a calculation before the user is even done entering the input.

While making this, a thought occurred to me. Peppering bullshit with flowery feel good talk will likely lead to more easily swallowed b8.

>>6098220
Oh no, this reminded me that machines like that are part of the so called plot in "Hacker Evolution".
>tfw ashamed to admit I played that game
>mfw I was young and somehow even more retarded than I currently am
>mfw I have no face

>>6093608
haaaaaaaaahahahahahahhahaha saved

>>6098283
I was wondering when we would get geology ones. Or is it chemistry? If the is on the first line gets replaced with an are, it would be golden.

>>6098296
I made an error, how embarrassing

>>6098311
It's a consistent theme in these threads, I've made a bunch myself.

As long as we're getting philosophical.

>>6092134
>Our bullshit is a drop in the river of retardation
-Neal Degrass Tisen

>>6098407
God Hegel sucks. The funny thing is that this is what he actually believed.

Honestly I have been here for years and this kind of threads are the best thing /sci/ has ever done.

>>6098421
Done, bitch.

>>6093407
truly lol'd

Knowing the malevolent depths to which mankind's soul will plunge, that bondage members of our own species have known at the hands of others, and in light of the recent program for advancement in the lambda calculus...when I turn my wary eye to the future I see only more tribulation for these "robots". May we learn from our most recent mistakes.

-Alonzo Church, 1945

>>6098430
I remember another gem which gave me good feels.
https://archive.installgentoo.net/sci/thread/S4959821

>>6098497
There is no "main building" at Cambridge.
Change it to two building that are actually next to each other and it's golden.

>>6098538
why?

>>6093427
Brilliant.

>>6098538
>There is no "main building" at Cambridge.
Yeah, and there's another small error too: According to my sources Hawking never actually tried to jump between two rooftops on a moped.

FEED THESE TO FB!! IT WILL CAUSE PEOPLE TO LEARN MORE, BECAUSE NERDS WILL HAVE TO TELL THEM OFF FOR BEING STUPID.

>>6094177
Top kek. People will buy this, even more if there is some "ontology" or "transcendental" in the text.

>>6098565
>According to my sources Hawking never actually tried to jump between two rooftops on a moped.
I laughed.

Check this out
>go to google to make fake Tesla quote
>see something that's probably the handy work of an anon on the first page
>impossibru.jpg

Giving only a screen cap, since I don't want to directly link to some guy's blog. I don't positively know whether he used the picture, because he's a genuine retard, but I suspect this is the case.

>>6098657
This shit is like automatic tags for spotting retards.

Does anyone have the Feynman one where he talks about pulling top drawer pussy

>>6098657
Thats a legit tesla quote.

>>6098590
This thing has derailed entirely from the original intention. The quote is supposed to be something that sounds amazing, so that people will actually share it and think "wow, that's incredible".
Almost none of the images posted in this thread would work on facebook either because they're obvious jokes, because it's not that interesting or because they wouldn't understand what it meant.

>>6098657
Wait, I thought it said genetics at one point, so scratch one blue arrow off (or leave it there, because it might spark a religious flame war, if someone decides to repost that collage in an appropriate place).

Anyway, the point is, even if he's "being ironic" by opening with a bullshit quote, it's funny that that quote is on the front page of a google search. Pic related is the aforementioned Tesla quote.

>>6098690
Seems so.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alexknapp/2011/09/26/no-tesla-did-not-predict-faster-than-light-neutrinos/

Checkmate atheisms

>>6098706
>tfw Tesla invented bullshit science quotes nearly a century before /sci/
>tfw his bullshit circulates much more than ours
>tfw we are outclassed by his monumental genius

>>6098763
Fucking hell, he even invented /pol/lution.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/alexknapp/2012/11/19/tesla-eugenics-and-rationalizing-dehumanization/

Fancy that. Guess we now know the best way to obliterate insane Tesla nutriders, who seem to think of him like Gandhi with an ohmmeter.

>>6098683
I got it. I'm surprised nobody else posted it, I post it every time i see these threads

>>6097861
Perfect description of 4chan

>>6092106
But... This is true.

>>6099188
this is my favorite

>>6099218
I'm sure we can propose some changes.

"There are more twinkies in your mom than there are atoms in the universe."

"Your mom is such a slut, there are more cocks in her mouth than there are atoms in the universe."

>>6099183
Thanks, it's the best one.

>>6098565
>According to my sources Hawking never actually tried to jump between two rooftops on a moped
Bollocks.

>>6099183
10/10

>>6098191
>>6098195
This guy's got a point, they move too fast to read

>>6098191
>Richard Sagan
>evolutionary physicist

>>6093461
Brilliant

>>6099188
couldn't you just use .999999999... mirrors

>>6093484
>the real number line is so big, there are more real numbers between 0 and 100 and there are between 0 and 1.

>>6096702

>>6100524

>>6093407
someone please tune any voice synthesizer to read those in Sagan's voice.

>>6100561
Who actually said that?

>>6100590
you're a fucking idiot

>>6100590
I've definitely heard that to explain why different infinites can be different sizes.

>>6100609

Infinite sets can have different cardinalities, but the rationals are countable.

>>6100614
Since the amount of rational numbers is dependent on the amount of numbers that exist,
and that number is infinite
to count the amount of rational numbers is to count to infinity

Its' a paradox

>>6100636

I'll assume you're not trolling. In a math context, a set being countable means that there exists a bijection between that set and the set of integers

>>6100614
>the rationals are countable.
Then count to infinity for me.

I'll wait.

>>6100624
I could believe that

>>6100646
Infinity isn't a rational number.

>>6100651
Counting to the largest rational number is left as an exercise for the reader.

>>6100646

> Not understanding what countable means.

Do you even math or physics?

>>6100885
If only the quote wasn't attributed to a chinese cartoon character, this would actually be believable.

>>6094639
>1852

comedy gold

>>6093322
>>6093688

Well stars are made up of atoms, and each star has more than 1 atom, so I don't think this is possible.

This thread got me thinking. Here, people who know about science make up hilariously stupid sciency-sounding quotes and attribute them to famous scientists, in order to laugh at the laymen who will probably believe they're genuine.

Do you think that back in the Dark Age, priests would misquote the Bible in order to get a good laugh out of the stupidity of the peasants? Because if so, that would explain a lot of schisms.

>>6100561

Lol'd.

>>6101144
>Do you think that back in the Dark Age, priests would misquote the Bible in order to get a good laugh out of the stupidity of the peasants?

That would have been seen as blasphemy.

>>6100885
Multiverse theory has some traction. Kaku never said that and it can never be proven, but I find philosophies like this and 'simulation' theory to be rather fascinating.

>>6101144
I think it's more likely the people that wrote it put stupid shit in there to see if people would actually be stupid enough to follow. There's some rule where you aren't supposed to mix different types of fabrics in the same garment for example. I mean, why the fuck would God give a shit about that?