/sci/ - Science & Math

Why did Schrodinger's cat cross the road? To get to both sides!

Two men walk into a bar. The bartender asks "what'll it be?". The first responds, "I'll just have some H2O." The second, thinking this was clever, says "I'll have some H2O, too!" The men take their drinks, and the second one keels over dead.

>>5548228

Schrodinger's Cat rings you up while you're sitting at the bar, you guys are best friends and is all like "meow meow I got a few hot pussies coming with me to the bar for a few drinks.. meow"

Until Schrodinger's Cat walks into the bar you can't know whether he has fine pussy with him or he was making it up to talk himself up.. Not until he walks through the door at least.

The magic in probabilistic wave functions of quantum systems is some cool shit, hey OP?

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg proclaims, "No, but I know where I am."

>>5548276

i laff so hrd. Quantum uncertainty jokes are amazing..

What's yellow, normed, and complete?


A Bananach space.

A neutrion walks into a bar. "For you no charge"

>>5548664
joke is shit after big bang used it

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go and suck some cocks."

Have you heard that entropy isn't what it use to be?

>>5548676
>implying it was good before then.

>>5548664
I dont get it, explain?

A neutrino walks into a bar. No one notices.

A little boy refused to run anymore. When his mother asked him why, he responded, "I heard that the faster you go, the shorter you become!"

>>5548712
neutrions are particles that are very rich in betaquacks so they are typically seen as "noble" enough to not need to pay for drinking hydroxyl-stems.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'? Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'

tachyon

knock knock

who is it?

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ammonia
Ammonia who?
Ammonia a little boy so please let me in

An atom thinks it's lost an electron and asks its friend to check, the friend says yes

/sci

>>5549422
I prefer this one:

We don't serve your kind here!

A tachyon walks into a bar.

>>5548267
It took me a beat, but that was pretty funny.

>>5549010

Willy was a chemist
Willy is no more
What Willy thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

A mathematician belives nothing until it is proven
A physicist believes everything until it is proven wrong
A chemist doesn't care
biologist doesn't understand the question.

A lecturer: "Now we'll prove the theorem. In fact I'll prove it all by myself."

>>5549537
they all believe in god.

We will never expand into space thanks to emotionally-driven political activists concerned with "solving Earth's problems first", and the human race will die on the same planet where it was born.

A scientist and a mathematician walk into a bar. It is a metal bar, they hit their heads on it. They thought it was a 'bar' as in a 'public bar', a place for purchasing and drinking alcoholic or soft drinks. This is because they don't know what it is like in the real world!

>read it with an Indian accent if you dare

>>5548267
That is not funny, any barman worth his salt would not provide a customer with hydrogen peroxide to drink.

>>5548730
>betaquacks
Oh god, thats a funny word right there

a monkey steal the four number combination bananas room's door. but one number was missing. the trainer did not care, monkeys cannot read and open locks.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal has ran off and hid.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Pascal comes out of hiding, groans, and begins to count.