/sci/ - Science & Math

>>4366942
>I hate being intelligent
high school faggot detected.

go jump in front of a train.

>>4366942
You're not intelligent. You should commit sudoku.

I know that feel.
Ignore the haters.
Look up "avoidant personality disorder".

I don't understand what's wrong with proclaiming my intelligence... does this offend you? I'm simply making an observation based on how nearly everyone I've met acts. I am no genius, obviously... but I could be considered smarter than the average fucking plebeian.

>>4366952
Why do you want to continue living like this? I fucking hate every single damn day. Every day is torture for me.

Is this feeling like a headache that comes on once in a while and goes away after a little while?
Or is it like a persistent headache that never really goes away, is always with you first thing in the morning and last thing at night, no matter what else has happened?

>>4366953
>18 years old
>proclaiming himself intelligent
You being a social retard has nothing to do with your intelligence.

You're afraid to share what defines you.

You also don't have that much that defines "you".

Also, the furthest people will analyze is "does your outfit look nice". If you don't meet that criteria they have no need to further analyze you on a level that matters.

>>4366953
no, anon, you are the pleb.

>>4366961

>>4366959

It's a constant effect. I only feel safe when I'm alone in my house. But recently, I've become extremely bored being alone.

>>4366952
Not OP but wow I fit all the symptoms. Now I can put a name of that shit, aren't gonna solve itself though.

>>4366942
Well, if you're smart like you say, there's only one way.
1. evaluate the problem - social anxiety
2. research the problem (jumping off point = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety))
3. do something
You're just going to feel shittier and shittier at home.

Here is an embarrassing instance of my social retardism:

I've been glancing constantly at this one woman at work. She has noticed me staring a lot. Today, being Valentine's Day, has her offering candy at the work entrance. As I walk my way towards the door, where she is standing, I cannot stop thinking about looking at her or what she is thinking. These thoughts are rapidly firing in my brain. I try looking at the ground, awkwardly, or just directly at her while I'm meters away. As I get there, she offers me some candy, and I quickly decline without even thinking. My voice trembles while replying to her. She is laughing while asking me this.
I could not stop thinking about this event for about 2 hours. I kept replaying it in my head, and I became frustrated with myself.

This is good, now be aware that you are playing the most interesting game. You are different and you know it so learn the tricks, build your toolbox, make people think that you are perfectly normal. You are in disguise.

>I am very judgmental and I analyze everyone, usually with accuracy.

I doubt it. Especially given your inability to interact with us.

Learn to do something social or artistic well enough that it gives you confidence when meeting others. Ballroom dancing. Ceramics, drawing, even invention. If you've built a circuit (ideally, a portable one) which does something immediately interesting, it's the basis for a solid conversation.

Put yourself in situations where conversation happens but it is not the central focus. A life drawing class, a ceramics class, etc. That way, people are near and available. You can chat, but the situation doesn't depend on you being able to come up with something to say at any given moment.

>>4366955
I didn't continue living like that. I eventually went to a psychiatrist, who prescribed antidepressants and talk therapy.
>>4366968
If you had a headache that was continuous, and that didn't go away with Aspirin, or Advil, or booze, or a nice relaxing massage, then you would go to the doctor about it. You can go to a doctor and say that you think you should see a psychiatrist, and tell the doctor why. The fact that it is continuous and has been going on for a long time will help the doctor decide whether to refer you to a psychiatrist.
I was in therapy from age 26 to age 36. I stopped for a while. Then at age 46 it was too much. I went to a psychiatrist and was prescribed Effexor. I have taken it ever since (age 50 now) and have been going to another therapist and doing meditation.
It all helps. Some people can be happy without help, others need help, like me, and maybe like you.

>>4366987
lol you're such a faggot.

holy shit, best laugh i had all day. pic related, me right now.

>>4366989
This is what I do, I try extremely hard to act like all the others. My walking posture, my glances, my head movements. Everything I do, I try my best to seem like I'm a normal person. But inside, there is a war inside my head. My mind is going crazy, I cannot stop thinking about every step I take. I am very observant, I know where everyone is in a social setting, or what they're doing, who they're talking to, and usually what they're talking about if I'm close enough. I sound like a pretentious retard, I'm sure.

>>4366990
this. You are probably failing to analyze everyone probably. You jump to conclusions to fast as a safety behavior so you don't have to risk socializing.

>>4367009
too*

>>4366993
No matter how hard I try though, I'll never convince my ego to see a psychiatrist or take prescribed drugs. I feel like I'm mentally competent to survive, even though I am suffering. If I were to go to a psychiatrist, I'd feel like a degraded piece of worthless meat. How do I get past this?

>>4367005
Why? They're all just some kind of ape running around in clothes pretending they understand the world. They don't. Look at the world from the cosmic perspective, it belittles those silly human worries just fine for me.

>>4366993
Also, I don't have a "headache", I just feel overly anxious and stressed out.

op, i was the same way
you're basically normal but too sensitive and perceptive for your own good. think too much and leave the house too little.
work on getting rid of negative thoughts and leave the house regularly. in a few months you'll realize how easy this shit is and laugh at yourself for being so wound up about it

>>4366993
>I was in therapy from age 26 to age 36. I stopped for a while. Then at age 46 it was too much. I went to a psychiatrist and was prescribed Effexor. I have taken it ever since (age 50 now) and have been going to another therapist and doing meditation.

Shit I always had the impression depression was just a phase for us young adults, this gives me a whole new and depressing perspective

>>4367022
>>4367022

That's how I partially cope with my anxiety. I just think of the vast universe, and our microscopic size. However, this ideal thought goes away when I'm in a social environment. They all have experiences, I do not. I do not know how to act socially. I don't go anywhere, I don't have friends, I just do not know how to act like they do.

>>4366993
What do you do, oldfag on the science board?

>>4367022
It does it for me when I'm alone, but when I'm out again in a social context the bad thoughts take over immediately, and I can't manage to get that perspective back anymore.

>>4367028

I'm usually out of my house for about 8 hours a day... but it's not helping me. I feel like I am missing a connection with people.

>>4367035
See, I'm exactly the same way...

>>4367040

>>4366942

I can sort of relate, i remember going through a pretty dark patch like this in high school. However it is actually what motivated my love of science, philosophy and academia in general.

When i was 16-18 i was bewildered at how irrational and stupid most people where. I wasn't afraid of talking or meeting people, i was just disgusted by the majority of people, and couldn't understand their purpose.

I couldn't comprehend the way many people chose to live, it was so empty, vain and shallow. As i matured i found my judgments of these people weren't irrational, they were justified. I couldn't stand to live like those people, i wanted to discover, to doubt and to progress.

As cheesy and as cliche as it sounds, i think the most fundamental question is if you take the blue pill or red pill. Do you want to be normal and happy, or do you want to aim high and risk sadness.

>>4367043
feels somewhat good to know i'm not the only one going through this everyday struggle, even though i wouldn't wish it to anyone

>>4367049
Dudes it just takes practice. I was the same way when I was a few years younger. 24 now, and I try to carry that perspective with me throughout the day regardless of circumstance.

It makes it easier to...detach? from the "social norms" you're supposed to follow (whatever those are anyway), and just be yourself, relaxed. People respond positively to that, from what I gather.

>>4367044
>>4366942
what exactly are you 2 basing your judgements on? did you ever think "gee if someone looked at me would they be able to tell that i am different?" if the answer is no (and it is) i suggest you stop with your bullshit "evaluations" that are probably based on nothing more than casual observation.

I can probably assume where this mentality came from. When I was a child, I was an idiot. Nearly retarded. Intellectually, I was dull, and socially I was inept. I've had traumatic childhood experiences, such as lonely birthday parties or rejections from women.

I once expressed my love for this girl while I was 14, and after I was done, she practically laughed in my face. It took me months/years to get over. I am over it now.

As I got older, I became intellectually conscious, as if someone plugged me in. With this though, came my terrible personality.

>>4367019
Well, there are various alternatives... keep on going the way you are going; die; go to a psychiatrist; maybe you can think of some others.
>>4367026
The headache thing was an analogy, but I think it's an apt one.

>>4367049

What you are describing sounds like what i go through.
But i don't think you should be so negative about it, you may feel sad more often than most, but when you feel happiness it is far greater than what those others can experience.

As John Stuart Mill inspirationally said, "Better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied"

>>4367037
Teach computer science.

>>4367055
The fact that I do not speak a lot, and stare with an emotionless face provokes questions from others.

>>4367055
Why i think most people are disgusting?

I can explain more thoroughly if you think it is necessary.
I don't blame people for who they are, i just cannot connect to them if they are irrational, superstitious, damaging, antisocial (not like an aspie, in a moral sense) etc

The habits, goals and purposes of many peoples lives i personally cannot appreciate.

>>4367041
i know the feeling
ah, i'm not sure than. with me going out allowed me to realize how i was the same as everyone else, stop worrying so much, blah blah blah and eventually i could socialize like a normal human being. i was also working a lot on the self-esteem stuff at the same time, though. i'm not sure, honestly. it might not help if you're not in the right state of mind.
you say you're bad at socializing. you're probably not, though. this stuff is instinctual unless you're autistic (if you can read people you're not). you're doing everything in your power to make yourself bad at socializing, if that makes sense.
pay attention to how many social missteps people make when they are talking. the thing with them is they just fucking ignore them and continue because they think they don't have all this ridiculous self-doubt. you are the opposite. no matter how well you do, you feel like you are crashing and burning, yeah? the ability to do all of this stuff is within you, you are just fucking it all up with your head.

it's silly, it's awful, whatever. try meditating an hour or two a day. work on getting rid of negative thoughts and keeping that perspective. the more you correct yourself when you are alone calm enough to do so, the more those thoughts will begin to appear when you're in social situations. you've got this, man.

>>4367074
>The habits, goals and purposes of many peoples lives i personally cannot appreciate.

Then don't. Wow. What a revelation. Continue your life free of wasting time on other's stupid bullshit.

You're welcome.

>>4367054
I'm 22 now. Two years ago things were going somewhat well for me and I was able to interact socially, but then I moved to my own apartment for studies in another city, and since then everything started going downhill. Instead of building my confidence on my past experience I'm taking the opposite way and I don't know why. Things that were doable for me like ordering food at the restaurant is getting on the verge of impossible now. The less I interact the happier, or rather the less depressed I am. I'm even starting to have issues talking to my family over the phone, I don't really have anyone I can talk to freely without having bad thoughts.

>>4367063
being reserved doesnt automatically make you skilled in analyzing other people. the fact that "there is literally a block" when you try to interact with someone should be an indication that you lack perspective. How many thoughts go through your head everyday? What series of events lead to your actions? these things are apparent when you look at yourself, but try looking at people from their perspective.
>Is he not very smart or is he just having a casual conversation so he isnt watching what he says

you know yourself so well, now give others the benefit of the doubt and assume they are operating under similar conditions

>that feel when you know all the answers in lecture, but t takes an insane amount of silence to get you to speak up
>it's over now, hearts racing, everybody looked at you
>replay it over and over
>shit new question
>rest of class is too scared to answer
>repeat

>>4367076

>you say you're bad at socializing. you're probably not, though.
Very fucking true. It depends mostly on my mood, subject, and who I'm talking to. Usually I can hold a good conversation if I'm comfortable. But that is my problem, I'm rarely comfortable.

>because they think they don't have all this ridiculous self-doubt. you are the opposite. no matter how well you do, you feel like you are crashing and burning, yeah?
Once again, I completely agree. My mind convinces me that I'm doing a terrible job, and people are scrutinizing over my details.

>>4367079
This is horrific, yet somewhat comforting. I share the exact same problems as you do.

>>4367074
i understand that there are plenty of people who are easy to contempt, but you made it seem like the majority of people are mindless idiots.

>>4367102
because they are... We're talking about the majority of people. It probably depends on where you're from to get an accurate perspective.

>A Wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. In any of the burial-places of this city through which I pass, is there a sleeper more inscrutable than its busy inhabitants are, in their innermost personality, to me, or than I am to them?
you are being a little judgemental

>>4367104
yes, but how can you know? have you ever gone through your evaluation process and thought "damn, that guy has this figured out more than i do." earlier you said what sets you apart is that you are quiet. just because some people enjoy socializing (or maybe just do it to make their life easier) does not mean they are beneath you. get a grip.

pic related

no one feels normal, EVERYONE feels isolated, don't chase something that doesn't exsist. chill out, smile!

i don't know man, you just need to keep it all in perspective. you're basically the same as everyone else, you just had a shitty childhood and ended up with an anxiety disorder. you probably know what you need to do, you've just got to do it.

>>4367122
what does he need to do?

I really don't know what to do...
>repress it
>see a psychiatrist for psychotherapy or drugs
>or suicide

>>4366942
I feel that my is parallel to yours.

Unfortunately, I can't really give you advice on how to endure these troubling times. I am trying to resolve it myself as well.

Like you have mentioned, people around me have placed me on a stage waiting to see my next performance. My parents and mentors all wanted me to pursue medical school during college, and I acquiesced to their ideals and goals they placed on my future. In fact, I started to apply to MD/PhD programs, which is more rigorous than applying to medical school, because I knew I could make it. However, once I got my interviews, I was not interested in medicine at all.

I canceled my interviews, withdrew my applications, and continued to work as researcher in a lab. Even though I was able to do well academically, I realized I don't even know who I am.

As you can assume, I started to develop anxiety and anti-social behaviors due to my loss of self confidence. I'm alone, miserable, and I hate my life.

The only word of wisdom I can give you is this, "Don't let people decide your future, choose and do what you feel is best for you."

>>4367132
whoa, are you me?
different field of study, but almost exactly the same situation. there's nothing more deflating than receiving a degree that you realize you never wanted in the first place.

>>4366942
ITT: someone who has achieved and contributed nothing feels glib about his excellence in everything

>>4367157
I totally agree.

I feel my best option maybe to start over and get a different degree. However, I realize I have no passion for anything which will place me in the same predicament.

I need to do some personal soul searching; otherwise, I'm bound to commit suicide some day.

Has anyone tried taking marijuana to cope with their social anxieties?

>>4367177
no just opium

alone on valentines day thread

>>4367177
Don't do it, I have tried it and it has exacerbated my anxiety and introverted personality.

Well, seeing as this thread is nearly over, I'd like to thank everyone for the responses. It gave me a chance to relieve my anxiety, but my problems are not resolved. Tomorrow will be another day of the same torment. Hopefully, I'll overcome this barrier in my life. Thanks for chatting with me.

I know this feel all too well.
Every morning, i wake up early, I drink a bowl of coffee, and tell myself; Today, everything's going to become better.

It never does.

Suck it up, pussy. It's all in your head

>>4368445
>implying freewill

Bumping this because I'm going through some similar things.

Existential crisis, I don't know who I am, anxiety issues, avoiding people and family, fear of committing to my responsibilities, fear of growing up, anxiety because I'm not maturing, what have you.

God dammit.

i'm the almost same situation as you, but without the intelligence thing :(