/sci/ - Science & Math

Have you tried pushing it out like poop?

Take a shit. Keep pushing with your ass muscles, clenching will pull it inside you.

Completely depends on the shape of the object, if it has hook/barb characteristics you need to go to ER.

>>4218905
Yep, not working. It passed the second sphincter. I'm assuming that's why it is lodged.

>>4218908
It's a spintop. Fuck.

>>4218919
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA sucks to be you.

Lesson learned: do NOT stick random stuff up there...

Anyways yea, if it's something that's like to get hooked/stuck, go to ER. Otherwise, just wait for it to come out when you take a no. 2 again. *sigh*...

>>4218919
Shit, lol. You'll probably just shit it out, but it you can't get it out in a few hours you may just have to explain to the doctors that you have a spinning top in your ass

next time use something a bit more user friendly, lol

>>4218919
Well, don't forget your insurance info and the money for the copay. Good luck bro.

Next time just use a dildo.

>>4218902
GO TO THE ER YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT!
You are only gonna make it worse the longer you wait. You will end up with dysentery or something worse IF YOU DON'T GO NOW!

>>4218923
>>4218926
What would be a safe duration of time to wait? I just tried every possible explanation to the ER in my head... none of them seem to come out sane.

Thanks for the help /sci/

>>4218933
>none of them seem to come out sane
Surprise, surprise.

>>4218933
If there's a top up your ass they're gonna know how it ended up there anyways lol XD

Does that thing have sharp edges / a fairly pointy tip, or what?

>>4218933
Trust me, they deal with this sort of thing all the time. Just go asap. The worst that will happen is that they'll make fun of you after you leave with their other doctor friends.

>>4218919

Expecting to need a shit any time soon? You can take a chance and eat like a pig, ton of protein, ton of fiber and in a day or two your stool will be much bigger than the top and will carry it out.

In the mean time, squat and concentrate on slowly emptying your bowels. Imagine your intestines gradually working anything down and out. Don't panic, don't clench, just calm down and work on taking a really weird shit. Maybe lay down an old rag or paper towels or something because it may not be just the top...

Enema is a bad idea, washes out mucus and can push it up further.

Good luck!

>>4218940
Yea - we're already clutching our stomachs and rolling on the floor laughing at you XD How much worse can it really get? I really doubt they'd burst out laughing in front of you / drag along their friends to take a look.

Threads like this make me feel better about myself. I just know I am not the lowest of the low when there are people out there sticking toys up their asses.

You're awesome, OP. Thanks for the smile.

>>4218902
This is why everyone hates christians.

How the hell would a spinning top be a good tool for prostate stimulation?

>>4218948
I'm afraid of being mocked as a homosexual. I'm perfectly straight, I was just curious on the sensation. I'm also an EE major, so that probably makes the situation slightly worse (at least for /sci/).

>>4218937
No, it's circular, and the tip is incredibly small. I 'inserted it' vertically, though, as it wouldn't 'fit' horizontally.

>>4218941
Thanks Would you consider another 12 or so hours safe? I'll try and fill myself with food now.

>>4218966
>engineer

>>4218966
You've put a fucking SPINTOP in your ASSHOLE.

honestly... you make us look bad.

>>4218966

> sticks things up his ass
> is an engineer

WOW I TOTALLY DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING

>>4218966
You know what, you should probably just go to ER. For example, what if the handle gets jammed sideways or something?

>>4218974
Dear god, shit - this guy is totally ruining the reputation of us engineers.

*sad-face*

>>4218966
it's not even that good of a sensation...
head to the er op. you'll have to eventually, and now is the best chance for your survival

>>4218966
They won't mock you while you're still there. You'll never know about it.

>>4218984
Oh come on, even if he manages to rupture the colon he probably won't die from an infection in this day and age. Heck, people who are shot in the head survive half the time. Although yea, probably a good idea to just go to ER at this point, a spintop isn't exactly benign... if it stays perfectly straight it's all good, but if it doesn't :S

>>4218984
>it's not even that good of a sensation...
Huh, so you've tried it? You must be an engineer too. LOLOLOLOLOLOL

>>4218991
yeah but i wasn't stupid enough to put an object up that could get lost. it was just uncomfortable. never again.

>>4218986
What if it moves? What happens? Please tell me. Fuck.


What is the probability of it coming out, based on intestine size/contraction? Dear god, I should probably just kill myself to save the embarrassment.

>>4218933
Don't bother with an explanation.
They know what you did and you won't convince them otherwise.

>>4218996
You just didn't go far enough. You will never know the pleasure OP has experienced.

>>4218966
Only retards and rednecks think there's anything wrong with engineering. Don't be embarrassed for looking like an engineer (which you don't; most engineers would know better); be embarrassed that you stuck a top up your ass.

>>4218999
It'll probably just come out straight, but if it's possible that it could turn 90 degrees, either tip could conceivably damage your colon or something. Just man up and go to the goddamn ER.

my explanation would be that i tripped/lost my balance and fell on it. Most doctors won't think that you would choose to dildo yourself with a spinning top. Also, this happened in an episode of Jerry Seinfeld (fusilli Jerry) so I'm sure the assmen and asswomen will understand

>>4218933
Tell them you were sitting down naked and felt something go up your ass, and when you tried pulling it out with pliers it just went deeper.

>>4219004
Pleasure? Are you kidding me? Once I 'got it in', it was fucking horrible. I tried 'wiggling it' to see if I could find some sort of stimulus, but it didn't work, it climbed up my colon. I tried grabbing it, it went up further. If you do this, you're crazy. Simple as that.

>>4219012
Yea, but how did it get so far up? If you just fell on it then it shouldn't be irretrievable, plus you'd be expecting some damage... up there (you know, probably bleeding and stuff) since it would be pretty violent. The doctor would probably have a pretty good idea of what *actually* happened.

I'm sure they deal with this all the time anyways, don't worry about it. But yea just go to ER

>>4219012
>Most doctors won't think that you would choose to dildo yourself with a spinning top.

>implying they're stupid
>implying people don't come into the ER with various shit in their asses all the time

They'll know.

>>4218902
>stick stuff up a mans ass

ENGINEERING! ENGINEERING EVERYWHERE! THE HORROR!

>>4219011
The top will come out straight...
But OP?

NOPE.

but seriously OP, go to a doctor. Or just call an ambulance. They have a lot of tools just in an ambulance and they probably can get it out without even taking you to the hospital. Just have some cash on hand or insurance or something.

>>4219015
>>4219012
That couldn't possibly be believable.

What about a flash light + tongs + some sort of sedative to relax the colon contractions? Is it possible/feasible?

Just tell the doctors your crazy girlfriend did it.
or boyfriend.

>>4219012
>>4219015
The doctors have probably heard this excuse before. OP needs a really bizarre excuse for getting something stuck up his ass so that the doctors have something to laugh about after he leaves.

>>4219026
Where i live it's better to go to ER yourself than calling an ambulance... To tell you the truth, you could probably just go to your family doctor's clinic in the morning.

/r/ photos of spintop

This is why yoyos are better than spinning tops. Theres a string there in case shit like this happens.

>>4219036
HAHAHAHA this.

>>4219026
Ambulances have a fee attached. Better if he just goes now.

>>4219040
Yeah, but so does going to a hospital, right?

Wait, if the ER is free, then just go.
Don't tell anyone, of course. Post where you live and maybe one of us can come and pick you up. That way we can laugh freely at you, but never meet you again to save you embarrassment.

First time I visit /sci/. Interesting first impression.
Regards.

>driving in car with a fucking sharp thing up your ass hitting bumps

the largest thing i've had up my ass

>>4219033 To tell you the truth, you could probably just go to your family doctor's clinic in the morning.

God no. Family doctor is not equipped for this sort of thing, they will want to take xrays and will likely knock you out.

>>4219031 OP needs a really bizarre excuse

Tell them you were blindfolded and thought you were reaching for the buttplug

>>4219049
> Tell them you were blindfolded and thought you were reaching for the buttplug
... How is that any better than saying you just put a top in your ass?

>>4219058
one is designedfor the ass, the other is not.

>>4219043
Not OP, but the ER copay on my insurance is just $15. Not too bad. Haven't needed an ambulance though, so I don't know what that would have added.

can't you go to your school's health and counseling services?

Alright, it seemed to have moved down a fair amount. I'm dedicated to not go to the hospital to save myself the embarrassment. I have a few medfag friends, one is gay. I wonder if I get get some sort of muscle relaxant from him. Oh god.

What would be some sort of 'safe' tool to grab it?

Tell them you can't remember anything that happened after you took all that acid but your anus is in a lot of pain.

Did you not think that a small object could get stuck up there?

>>4219060
>>4219049
This.
There's nothing wrong with being gay, and to be honest, there's almost nothing gay with buttplay either.

So just do this. Although you should have someone drive you to the hospital... It could be really dangerous if it ruptures you halfway there and then you spin out of control.


Also, if the top isn't too big, you should be able to just reach in and pull it out. Basically, fist yourself and get your hands around the edge and pull it straight out. Make sure you have lube.
If you have no lube, use ANYTHING you can that's slippery. Cooking oil, butter, crisco
I wouldn't use that stuff for normal buttplay, but for an emergency, it'd work.

>>4218902
Go to the ER. Tell them that you are an engineering student. They will understand. They see shit like that alot.

>>4219072
a doctor's gloved hand.

>>4219072
>What would be some sort of 'safe' tool to grab it?

For the love of God, do not stick anything else up there.

>>4219061
In Toronto (Canada), health care is free but ambulances aren't:

"Normal land ambulance costs are billed at a rate of $240.00, of which all but $45.00 is covered by your provincial health insurance. O.H.I.P. insures ambulance transportation only for those trips that are medically essential. The hospital to which you were transported makes the determination as to whether your ambulance trip was medically necessary. If the doctor decides that you could have made your way to hospital by another means, you will be billed for the full amount of the ambulance bill. This is necessary in order to ensure that the system is not abused, and that the service is available to those who really need it."

If you used it in Toronto for this... you would definitely get the full fee :)

Take pictures OP
please, you will look back on this moment and laugh for hours

>>4219076 spin out of control.

I fucking lost it

>>4219077
>sound advice on /sci/
>i am impress

>>4219080
Yea, don't try anything stupid and use other tools to try and remove it (e.g. pliers) - could easily make things worse.

If you think it's coming out by itself then just wait a few hours until it's close enough to grab with your fingers.

>>4219072 What would be some sort of 'safe' tool to grab it?

Your hand because you have feelings in your fingers. An inanimate object will push it back up

>>4219076
Thank you so much for the response. Thank all of you, really.

I <span class="math">really[/spoiler] can't imagine lube. What if it makes the object slippery and it goes up more? What does an MD do/use?

>>4219094
Wait, you didn't use lube to put it in??

Damn OP

It should slide out really easy if you lube it.
I like bad dragon's cum lube, but melted butter with a mix of oil and crisco should also coat the insides of your anus well enough to let it slip out just with gravity and pushing.

Make sure you eat lots of fiber and stuff afterwards. That stuff isn't meant to be used as lube, I don't think.

>>4219076 spin out of control.
>>4219085 lost it

>>4219094
Look, simple solution. Try pulling it out with your fingers, without lube, right now. The two possible outcomes are:
A) It comes out, and you're in happy-land.
B) It doesn't budge, so you go to ER and you're in happy-land a few hours later instead.

>>4219094
Doctors use some sort of lubricant. I don't think it's the same stuff that gets marketed though.

And you really should have used lube and fingered yourself first before doing anything anyway.

>>4219102
At this point lube probably isnt' a good idea - you won't be able to work it into the space between the intestinal wall and the spintop, and it's probably just going to make the top harder to grab.

I feel like this is what craigslist was made for. You could probably find people who would pay you good money to reach up there and pull it out.

>>4219102

Doctors use KY

Lube can't make things worse, in fact not lubing the exit path could work against you because if it's slippery above the top it will want to move that way. Path of least resistance and all that.

>inb4 intestines rupture as OP tries to pull it out
>emergency response finds him with his arm up to his elbow in his ass

Ga OP you must have tried to pull it out and failed by now. Just GO TO ER RIGHT NOW!

It's not going to be that bad, nobody will laugh at you or anything. Just man it up.

>>4219058
Here's how it happened: OP was having sex with his girlfriend which proves he is TOTALLY NOT GAY. OP was doing this blindfolded because that is his fetish, and has nothing to do with any details about his girlfriend that follow. His girlfriend got mad because OP refused to perform a certain sex act while fucking her in the ass, so she took a shit in his Fleshlight. OP decided to retaliate by sticking her dildo up his ass, only instead of a dildo, she had a buttplug (OP knows it's been up her ass already, but he was mad and not thinking straight), because she doesn't actually have a vagina. (Again, not the reason for the blindfold. OP loves his girlfriend's penis as much as her breasts; he just isn't turned on by the idea of a reach-around.) Anyway, instead of the buttplug, he picked up the top, which got stuck up his ass.

>>4219104 At this point lube probably isnt' a good idea - you won't be able to work it into the space between the intestinal wall and the spintop, and it's probably just going to make the top harder to grab.

The lube will get around the top when it moves a little more and it will let it slip out easily

lrn2buttseckz

If you're putting a finger in and you're a noob with anal your butt might want to go into reverse. Gently keep the pressure on with your gut and think out out out

Okay, just finished a makeshift ER with tongs. Didn't work so well. I pinched my intestinal lining. The bleeding just now subsided (rather quickly), it doesn't appear to be a fissure (hopefully).

Yeah, definitely contemplating suicide right about now.

I'm going to try hands/lube/tape (to act as a pseudo clamp to hold the anus open)/a flashlight/mirror next. Hopefully this will work, I get the object out, and just go in for colonic tissue damage.

>>4219124
Goddammit, I fucking told you not to stick anything else up there. Why don't you listen? Go to the fucking hospital.

In the dumb event that you're still here OP, go to the ER.

They see shit more embarrassing than that on a nightly basis. There have been women who come in wearing a large trench coat with some moving lump under it, only to find that the lump is a dog and its knot is caught in her vagina. (true story, and not all that uncommon)

Food in vaginas a lot, too.

>>4219124 Okay, just finished a makeshift ER with tongs. Didn't work so well. I pinched my intestinal lining.

Stop doing stupid stuff you fuck.

Squatting is the best position.

>>4219124 I'm going to try hands/lube/tape

Wait wat?

>tape

>>4219124
HOLY FUCK, why did you do that. Just go to ER, you clearly can't easily get it out yourself without damaging your intestine.

For an engineer, man, I'm disappointed... Just use common sense and go to ER.

>>4219124
ffuuuck you

now it's too late to use lube because it'll sting and burn like a mother fucker

just go to the fucking ER or you'll get infected and then it'll REALLY suck.
seriously, if you're bleeding in there and then you poop before it's healed, expect some severe septic shock. You will likely die a painful and humiliating death.

also, if you have paypal, would you be interested in making a small contribution to my research?

>>4219124

You don't need the flashlight, mirror or tape (srslywtf?). All you're doing is taking an awkward shit that happens to be a spinner, some lube and a finger is all you need not a fucking tool kit.

>>4219144
the contribution is in the case of suicide, I mean.

To be honest, if you're bleeding you'll probably need someone else to drive you, which means you'll have to tell someone, and if one person knows, everyone will know.

so yeah, either suicide or just admit to being gay (and really dumb)

>one hour later
>OP still hasn't listened and gone to the hospital
>still has thing up his ass
>now has bleeding that needs to be repaired
>probably could have gone and gotten the top removed without injury and been back by now if he'd done the sensible thing to begin with

10/10 because no one could be this stupid

>>4219148
Will be reading my book, brb - I got to see how this drama turns out XD

>>4218902
I hope you end up FUCKING DEAD by your own hands. Dying from severe rectal bleeding in your bathromm, becuase you were too embarassed to just go to the fucking ER.

How embarassed will you feel knowing that people will find you dead like that? How embarassed would you feel knowing that yo uparents will have to identify you? How embarassed will you feel when pictures will be taken of your shitty death scene? LMFAO

At least you may win a darwin award!

>>4219151
>probably could have gone and gotten the top removed without injury and been back by now if he'd done the sensible thing to begin with
Depends on where you are - if you go to an ER in Toronto, it can take anywhere up to 3-4 hours before anybody gets around to seeing you.

I forgot to mention that the top is covered with another man's cum, and he has HIV. Does leaving the top in my ass increase my chances of being infected? And most importantly, if I get AIDS, how can I explain it to my family without them thinking I'm gay?

>>4219144 seriously, if you're bleeding in there and then you poop before it's healed, expect some severe septic shock. You will likely die a painful and humiliating death.

1man1jar guy didn't need to go to hospital. Fucking himself with a bar of soap and rinsing with water was enough to prevent infection.

This thread is tense

>>4219156
I'm in Georgia and the last time I went to one for something fairly harmless it took only 30 minutes or so until I got in to see a doctor.

>>4218902
>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_Awards

>Self-selection: Cause of one's own demise.

>Killing a friend with a hand grenade would not be eligible, but killing oneself while manufacturing a homemade chimney-cleaning device from a grenade would be eligible. To earn a Darwin Award, the candidate must have killed him- or herself, rather than a third party.

I think you just may win OP! You should write your acceptance speech in rectal blood! (b4 you die that is)

>>4219164
Hm... how does he know he's bleeding? If he damaged his colon far up, it would be hard to tell that there's any bleeding at all unless it was pretty substantial...

A small pinch isn't going to make him bleed out, fuck sake /sci/

go to the ER. why would you use a spintop for your first? get a toy, or your fingers (condom over it if squick), the handle of a toothbrush you don't use. fuck

>>4218933
It's called the ER because you go there in case of an emergency. Like now...

In other words, you could become seriously fucking ill if you're reading this message and not on your way to the hospital. Everyone, and i mean EVERY FUCKING ONE, does weird sex shit. If they don't, then they're strange. Go to the ER you dumb cunt.

>>4219150
Why doesn't OP just call a taxi?

Oh wait, because he's a dumb fuck.

>>4218902
>Is there ANYTHING I could potentially do to remove it without making a trip to the ER? I am literally desperate at this point.

Go to the ER. They see this stuff all the time, so they know how to deal with it (srsly, people love sticking stuff up their assholes).

At first I was laughing, but now I'm really fucking horrified.

This is where being a coward is good. If you were a coward, you would have gone to the ER where people who actually KNOW what they're doing are put there to HELP you, would have gotten the thing out of your cornhole.

Hope you don't die, and if you do, hope you get a Darwin Award.

Also, how come no posts of "op is a faggot".

Also, it's not that you're an engineer, that's fine, i'm sick of liberal arts cretins, it's that you stuck something up your ass and left it there.

>>4219164

They're not technically about killing yourself, but removing yourself from the gene pool.

Have you tried sucking it out with a your vacuum tube?

Does your vacuum have the proper amount of suction?

>>4219176
Yea, the taxi driver just needs to be told he's "visiting a friend who ended up in the hospital". Just get yourself to ER...

Of course, he's dumb enough to ask for serious medical advice on 4chan, so maybe that has something to do with it lol.

>>4219197
Picture of the top for proof?
I just want to know you're ok.

Got it out. Tried bare hands, way too fucking slippery. Gloves worked. Thanks for the support /sci/.

The bleeding was localized and subsided, as I stated before. I can't see, but it appears to be right at the anus. Hopefully I'll be fine without even going.

>>4219199
HAHAHA

So, a 100+ post saga all because an engineer stuck a spintop up his ass... This has got to be a new one for /sci/ XD

Anyways have fun going to bed.

>>4219207
>XD

Kill yourself

>>4219197
I'd be worried about the tear. Still might want to consider going to the ER, but at least the immediate danger is over.

Next time, seriously just buy a sex toy and get a girl to fuck you with it or something. Don't be cheap when it's something that you're inserting into your body. And always use lots of lube.

>>4219211
Yea, there's a reason somebody invented buttplugs...

>>4219199
really? fucking really? fine. i'll wash it. hold on.

>>4219221
> OP triumphantly presenting his hard-earned treasure

>>4219197 Got it out. Tried bare hands, way too fucking slippery. Gloves worked. Thanks for the support /sci/.

Picture of top now.

I'm honestly quite happy for you

>>4219226
>implying OP isn't dead already

R.I.P. OP

>>4219226
And tongs, you must post picture of the tongs

+10 points if you put the top back in

Eh, it's a shame. This had high potential for a fun ending.

>>4219221
Oh god, OP. You're legendary.

Sorry about the wait, stupid camera.

>>4219279

Are you fucking kidding me?

>>4219279
He stuck THAT up his ass? HAHAHAHAHA

Next time, you probably want to choose something a little more...appropriate

>>4219283
No, what?

>>4219279
you call that medium size

>>4219287
I figured it would hit the prostate. Instead, it was just pain.

>>4219292
I don't care what you call it; nothing will enter my rectum ever again.

>OP
>this thread

>>4219279
Need better pictures! Isometric of rear + tongs

We literally saved your ass and lol that doesn't look comfortable.

>>4219300
oh god you're so funnnyyyyy <3

wtf i thought /sci/ was suppost to be smart obvious troll is obvious 0/10

>>4219302
How am I trolling? Do you want pictures of my damn anus + the bloody tissues?

>>4219302
You would have to be a pretty dedicated troll to come up with believable updates continuously over a period of 2 hours, spaced apart properly to match whatever he was saying... Plus this sort of thing isn't all that unlikely to happen anyways, it's probably pretty common. I'm calling this one real.

>>4219307
YES
YES
YES
YES
PLEASE

sure

>>4219309
That was supposed to be sarcasm.

>>4219307
You're asking the wrong people, naturally the answer is yes.

>>4219311
then youre nothing other than a troll

at least post a pic of the bloody tissues for the love of god. i want to get something out of this thread.

>>4219309
That was suppose to be sarcasm.

>>4219311
>implying you're me

no, but seriously OP, some pics would be nice for my gore folder

>>4219279
>Implying that was up your ass

next time you take a picture of an object that you claimed went way up your ass make it look real

it looks dry as fuck and no visible marks that would show it was up someones ass

Oh wow, reminds of that one patient that put Right Stuff into his anus.
It expanded to softball size and when he told me what he did I nearly lost it.
I lost it afterwards, though.

>>4219321
Are you an idiot? OP wrote: "really? fucking really? fine. i'll wash it. hold on." So obviously it would look clean and dry, he washed and dried the damn thing,

And since when could somebody's ass visibly manage a wooden / plastic top?

>>4219328
it was never up his ass, 0/10 /sci/. I thought you were be smarter than /b/ when it comes to getting trolled

>>4219279
So how do you guys feel when you take a look back at OPs pic?

>>4219323
Oh god, are you serious? That shit sticks to skin like crazy. I was using that stuff a lot when I was helping to renovate my house a couple years back, but that stuff didnt' come off my hands for weeks until the skin underneath it wore off... How'd they even deal with it?

Every time I masturbate, I lube up the end of a plunger and insert it into my anus, rolling my hips down and up over it like I'm riding a giant cock; careful not to go to deep, and when I'm about to cum, I get off and turn around so that I can suck on the plunger-even deep throat it sometimes-simultaneously finishing off my ejaculation. But tops? wtf is this shit.jpg

>>4219321
I'm not contributing to your gore folder. It was in my colon. Believe what you want, I'm just happy that I didn't have to take a trip to the ER.

>>4219331
Needs more tongs....

I want to see what the OP was looking at when he decided, "These look suitable for going inside me along with a spinning top."

>>4219344
Tissues, tongs and top in one photo. Together with your hand on the table for scale.

>>4219334

Well, we looked at him and decided to cut it out. Not taking any skin with, but just cutting it out so much, that he could still defecate through his anus. That was kinda strange. We had this huge glob of right stuff and an overstreched human anus. T'was very strange.

Then we didn't give him any substiantal food, so that he couldn't defecate through his anus. After that we decided that he should stay for an indefinite amount of time so that we could see if his anus reacted in any way. Nothing really happened, the nurses told me though that he tried to "rip" out the last bits himself.

We decided then to look at his anus again and gently remove that last bits. Gently as in not causing too much bleeding. Gave him diapers and send him home. Never heard anything from him or his family again, I wonder if he even had family that lived close.

It is still a novelty for me, I still can't decide if we did the right thing or not, we as in me and some other interested doctors.

Fill your rectum with water and attempt to poop. It worked for me when I got a stick of chapstick stuff up my ass.

I have no idea why, but the water seems to stimulate the natural 'down' movement of the bowels.

Give it 30 minutes to work, afterward follow the rest of this threads' advice and see a doctor.

Sorry if this has already been resolved and I'm late, but if the OP is really in need there's no time to waste.

Hi, we're from Homestuck General on /co/ and we believe we are highly qualified to help you. We're glad you got the top out, but you're going to get hemmaroids for this. They make wipes for them. Go to a Walgreens. Ask the pharmacist in pig latin. They'll know what's up.

They feel great and the smell is weirdly addicting. Sometimes I go weeks without using real toilet paper, just these awesome wet wipes.

Well OP if you're still here and still worried, I would actually go to the Bad Dragon forums. Those sick bastards know a thing or two about anal trauma.

this is so fucking golden it's not even funny

>>4218902

Go to the ER and play one of the following:

A. Try to look like a rape/torture victim. Look down, be distracted/lost in thoughts, lower your voice etc.. Maybe you should hurt your face or something. Tell them straight up that you have a spintop in your ass, as if you don't care about that. When asked why, go "Uhh, I played around with it." continue to look really off until they get the point and ask what really happened. At that point tell them the story again or that you can't talk about it and ask about doctor patient confidentiality.

This way people will just pity you and you don't have to accuse anyone of rape. Dunno it seems kind of edgy, you need to be a good actor.

B. Say you are gay and it was your boyfriends idea. Don't be shy about it. Go straight up "My fucking boyfriend stuck a toy up my ass!". You will get laughed at but you can laugh with them or bitch at them ... for most of the people involved, it will be a funny story rather than awkward. ... you can laugh with them

C. Be proud about it and say you were bored. Act as if you don't give a shit. That way at least people won't look down on you that much.

In any case make sure the ER is as far from the place you live at, as possible

Also for the aftermath: Don't stick things up your bum, you crazy fag.

>this entire thread

>>4218902
HAY OP. YOU'RE AN ENGINEER, RIGHT?
WHY DON'T YOU "WORK IT OUT WITH PENCIL AND PAPER" AHAHAHAAHAHA

hey OP....

I double dog dare you a million dollars to put the spintop back in your ass and then take it right back out. Prove to yourself and everyone that you're not scarred by this experience and you are fearless.

>sticking random items right up your ass and letting them get stuck there
>not just using a dildo

Dunno if OP is here, I didnt read the thread.

Stimulant laxative, like Dulcolax. Take the highest recommended dose. Stay hydrated.

Do you have poppers and marijuana?

Now that its out, you can go to the hospital and see if you need stitches or antibiotics. I'd suggest getting the latter, you're introducing feces to your bloodstream. There will literally be shit in your brain. Shit. In your brain.

You can say that you ate a piece of chicken bone by mistake or something.

This is what happen with straights males insecure about their sexuality.
Just buy a fucking dildo and lube if you want to try out prostate stimulation. Then just keep it safe, everyone has their "secrets".