/sci/ - Science & Math

I didn't quite laugh.

Grinned slightly.

3/10

mfw

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer walk into a bar. They each order their drinks and then the engineer heads for the toilets. The mathematician and the physicist begin a discussion about the mathematical nature of the universe. The drinks arrive a few minutes later. After a while the physicist and the mathematician begin to wonder what's taking the engineer so long. Almost immediately, the barman walks past them escorting the engineer out of the establishment. When the barman comes back, they ask him what happened. He explains that this is the third time he's had to throw out the engineer for soliciting gay sex in a toilet stall, then hangs up a new sign banning engineers from the bar. It's funny because it's making fun of engineers. Well, no it's not. It's just fucking stupid. Wtf are you still reading this shit? Stop tapping my foot. I'm not a fucking engineer. wtfamireading.jpg

A mathematician and his friend are walking down the street. They see two people go into a house and a few minutes later five walk out. The mathematician says to his buddy: "If we go in there the house will be empty again."

>>3599267

Meh. It's nore really funny.

inb4 we don't find it funny because we're all in that situation 24/7

>>3599491
*three

>>3599267

meh, kind of chuckled inside, but it didnt come to the surface

>>3599482
>yes
>Yes
>YES
>YES!
>mfw no punchline

A fat, racist, moron walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender doesn't give him one because the guy is also a biologist.

>>3599496
/r/ this joke in English.

>>3599512
/sci/ is not for requests get out faggot

>>3599482
7/10, better than 10, did grin and breathed out and in a couple of times.

>>3599512
A mathematician and his friend are walking down the street. They see two people go into a house and a few minutes later, they see four walk out. The mathematician says to his buddy: "If we go in there the house will be empty again."

>>3599267
I thought it was funny.

So once there was the painter and he studied color theory for decades on end until he knew more about quarks than any physicist in the world.

>>3599560
I smirked and laughed under my breath.

>>3599560
wat

>>3599588
get of my /sci/

>>3599588
>So once there was the painter
painters paint*
(*use color)
>and he studied color theory
he learnd about color theory (or cromodynamic)
>for decades on end
for a long time
>until he knew more about quarks
quarks are wat protons are made of**
(** they also interact by the color force)
>than any physicist in the world.
that means alot

>>3599588
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_charge

it's from big bang theory. change scifag to physicist.
I lol'd the first time i heard it

>this thread
Seriously, /sci/. I fucking love you guys.

ITT: jokes about how lame sci is are shit tier.

ITT: a pathetically simple and unfunny pun involving the term 'colour' in quantum physics is rated as god-tier because you have to be special to understand it.

stay classy, /sci/

>>3599629
>because you have to be special to understand it
>implying that a board dedicated to science and math should only include jokes that the average layman could grasp
>implying that most people who have an interest in physics have never even heard of chromodynamics

trolololololo

Throw 10 cats on a hot tin roof, which one will fall the slowest?

The one with the highest mew!

i make jok to guise!

what difference in math and engineer?
math not gay

ha! i like jok

>>3599663
Honestly, I cracked up.

What does the pure mathematician with a job say to the pure mathematician without a job?

"Paper or plastic?"

That was a bad unfunny joke and you should feel bad.

>>3599663
Hahaha, best joke in the thread

>>3599649
wtf are you talking about. no i am not >implying that you stupid faggot. i'm implying the joke was absolute unfunny facile horseshit and the only reason you think it's good is that it makes you feel special and intelligent.

let me create another hilarious joke that you'll love. a biologist studied number theory for years until he knew more than anybody else about the natural numbers.

LOL IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE THE TECHNICAL MATHEMATICAL TERM 'NATURAL' ALSO MEANS TREES AND SHIT

>>3599709
2/10

The point of trolling is to be subtle. When you blatantly propose a completely broken analogy like that, you may as well throw in "(a geuss)" to make it even more obvious.

Also,
>implying that I said it was funny to begin with
>implying that puns can never be funny
>still implying that basic superficial knowledge of physics is elitist
>still implying that you're butthurt

You have much to learn in the ways of trolling. Go lurk on /b/ and come back once you've learned about subtlety.

>>3599743
Either that or he's just a stupid asshole.

>>3599776
He clearly is, but that goes without saying. I thought it might just be that at first, but the analogy followed by capslock just screams troll.

You'd think that if you have nothing better to do with your time then troll, you'd at least get good at it.

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a biologist walk into a bar. They all order a beer, then the engineer starts drinking. His mates look at his glass:

The biologist says: "Your glass is half empty."

The physicist replies: "He's rather 60% empty..."

The mathematician says: "Well we can just say it's not completely empty and not completely full."

The engineer says: "I love cocks" then proceeds to pull out his dick and stick it up the biologist's ass. The biologist, startled, unzips his pants and punches the mathematician in the face. The mathematician falls over and the physicist profits from it, unzipping his pants too and sucking the mathematician's cock. The bartender's like: "What the fuck" but then the engineer grabs his pants too and puts his left hand on the bartender's crotch while his right hand fondles the biologist's balls. The biologist starts moaning while being fucked in the ass. Meanwhile, the mathematician regains consciousness and looks at the physicist busy sucking his rock hard dick. Since it feels good, he shouts "EJACULATIONS!" in a very high pitched voice. Meanwhile, the bartender is being aroused by the engineer's hand and pulls out his massive cock. The engineer then gives him a glorious handjob. Then everybody comes at the same time, the biologist cries: "I'm your bitch, fuck me, fuck me!" The physician is being annoyed by all this noise and starts biting the mathematician dick and shaking his mouth. Eventually the severed part sails off in an arc. The engineering promptly cums, then looks at the mathematician and says: "What a shame. You'll never be an engineer".

>>3599989

>>3599989
> The physician is being annoyed by all this noise and starts biting the mathematician dick and shaking his mouth

I don't know why but I lol'd so fucking hard at this part.

>also physicists turn into physicians while having gay sex

>>3599989
> the severed part sails off in an arc.
Dwarf Fortress player detected.

>>3600040
It's a fucking mutation.

>>3600042
Did someone say: Dwarf Fortress?

a newfriend walks into a thread and doesn't understand any of the jokes.

>>3600073
My left testicle hurt after each annoucement

>>3600073
>You strike the Human in the head with your penis, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing apart the brain!

Never change Dorf Fort

Hydrogen and Flourine and walking down the street when Hydrogen says, "I think you just stole one of my electrons."

Flourine says, "Are you sure?"

Hydrogen says, "Of course I fucking am, you're a stupid n!gger who else would do it? I'm going to beat the shit out of you if you don't give it back."

An biologist, a mathematician and a physicist walk in a bar. The bartender says that he will ask a question to everyone and if someone says the right answer they'll have a beer for free. He ask the mathematician "2+2 = 4?" The mathematician answers of course 4 . Then he asks the same question to the physicist and he answers 4 too. Then the engineer pulls out his dick.

An biology professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that evolution was not just a guess. He said, "If anyone believes that those transition fossils are faked, then I want
you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting, "Creationists, I'm still waiting!"

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a
/sci/fag who had just returned from 4chan and released from his basement in the class walked up to the professor and hit him full force in the face, sending him flying from his platform. The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The /sci/fag replied, "BIOLOGY IS NOT A SCIENCE".

and then the /sci/fag was a creationist

A black guy walks into a bar but because of his inherent genetic IQ deficiency he's too stupid to order a drink and has to leave.

A mathematician, an engineer, a biologist, a physicist are in a train in Scotland and they see a black sheep.

Biologist: "In Scotland, sheep are black".
Physicist: "Well, at least one sheep is black".
Mathematician: "All we know is that there is at least one sheep who has at least one black face".
Engineers: "I love cocks"

itt nerd humor

>>3600314
You forgot the part when the engineer comes over and engages in gay sex with the /sci/fag

engineer
something
gay sex

A mathematician, engineer, physicist, chemist, doctor, and biologist take an IQ test.

The mathematician gets 161.8
The physicist gets 141.6
The engineer gets 110
The chemist gets 105
The doctor gets 98
The biologist gets 70

>>3600345
...and the psychologist laughs all the way to the bank

>>3600346
>yfw there are psychologists with Ph.D.s who have trouble finding work

>>3600356
>mfw most PhD's have more difficulty finding work than those who started with their Bachelor's

I guess society really is anti-intellectual...

>>3600346

While the mathematician commits suicide

Your kind is not allowed here

>>3600387
a tachyon walked into a bar

>>3600389
heh

>>3600214

>>3599666

agree. it was the pic that did it.

also, trips.

A cop pulled over a photon speeding down the highway.

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" the cop screamed.

The photon said "fuck you," shot the cop in the face, and sped off.

Then a passing engineer stopped and sucked the dead cop's rock hard dick while masturbating himself to orgasm.

>>3600488
I do not get joke. Photon cannot stop.

>>3600500
the joke is that engineers are gay

>>3600500
THAT IS JOKE!!!

>>3600500
he got absorbed by the side of the road, obviously.

Enough of this cocksucking nonsense. Here's a real joke for real men:

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to test the following hypothesis: All odd numbers greater than one are prime.

The mathematician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, but nine is not a prime. Therefore, the hypothesis is false."

The physicist: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, nine is not a prime, eleven is a prime, and thirteen is a prime. Hence, five out of six experiments support the hypothesis. It must be true."

The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..."

It was career day at Bobby's school and the children had been listening to some of the parents with boring jobs talk about what they do. They had heard a supermarket manager, a bank clerk, and a carpenter. The teacher knew that the pupils would lose interest unless she saved the more interesting careers for last, so the last three speakers were a policeman, a doctor and a mechanical engineer.

The policeman was really popular. He brought handcuffs, batons and other items that the kids could pass around. He even shows them how he arrests people by calling a volunteer to the front of the room. Almost everyone raised their hand.

The doctor brought a stethoscope, a sphygmomanometer and some other equipment. He talked about how he helps patients and he measures some of the pupils blood pressure. He too was really popular.

When Bobby's dad, the mechanical engineer, finally got up in front of the class, he opened up a case that he had with him and took out a very complicated device. It was mostly made of metal and it had gears all over the place. He plugging in a little motor and connected it to the machine an different parts started to rotate and oscillate. The children were complete amazing and Bobby looked proud. One of the pupils, Dan, raised his han... wait, that's not what happened. The engineer pulled out a big rubber dildo and shoved it up his arse and said that he does that all day. The doctor understood but the cop arrested him for indecent exposure. Now Bobby's dad gets to be an engineer in the prison shower.

You know, because engineers are gay, right?

A graduate engineering student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
"Where did you get the bike from?" his exclusively male friends want to know.
"It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..."
"Tell us!"
"Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her materials science final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can take from me whatever you desire!'"
One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."
"Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how fucking retarded you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"

Then they all sucked one another's cock.

Why do people make math and science jokes?

It's not enough for you to have taken some specialized form of education, you have to let everybody else know it with uncreative parodies of existing jokes?

What does the average biologist get on an IQ test?
drool

>>3600938
>on science and math board
>complains about science and math theme

might be my favorite post in this thread so far

>>3600314
this was actually kind of good

I somehow get the feeling none of the retards posting cocksucking "jokes" aren't in any kind of science or engineering.

>>3600621
>>The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..."

I don't quite get it? what's the reference...?
or is it just "engineers are dumb a-hurr-hurr"

>>3600955
>I somehow get the feeling none of the retards posting cocksucking "jokes" aren't in any kind of science or engineering.
>none
>aren't

Well then, you would be correct.

Would I be correct in assuming that English isn't your native language?

>>3600938
Are you autistic, or have you just never met another human being?
All demographics have their own niche jokes.
Black people, women, white people, fratboys, scientists, jocks, teenagers, and atheists.

God, you reek of someone who just can't deal with the fact that he's dumb.

>>3600964
engineers are dumb a-hurr-hurr

Person 1: I'd tell a chemistry joke, but all the funny ones argon.
Person 2: How noble of you.

Person 1: Know any chemistry jokes about sodium?
Person 2: Na.

Hardest I've laughed in a long time.
archive this

/r/ better jokes. nao.