/sci/ - Science & Math

shameful self-bump

Offer 1 more virgin than the next leading religion.

People will come flocking.

Quantum immortality. Through a secret meditation technique that only you have discovered, you can make contact with the other yous that live in other quantum universes, and acquire their knowledge and skill. A master is capable of comprehending all universes at once, thus becoming incredibly skilled and knowledgeable.

Charge exorbitant sums of money for lessons.

Secondy Law of Thermodynamics. We never tire of how it is misused. And it's "advanced" enough to make you seem like you know what you're talking about.

As the universe is infinite, when you die, it is certain that your mind will be reformed, allowing you to live forever.

Second Law of Thermodynamics. We never tire of how it is misused. And it's "advanced" enough to make you seem like you know what you're talking about.

>>3081180
The universe itself is trying to communicate with us through our genetics. Your life's purpose is revealed by your genetics. If you are prone to obesity, you should be the BEST bon-vivant around. If you're allergic to cats, then some GREAT evil was done to your ancestors by cats, like a distant relative was a survivor of a big cat attack.

You can atone for your genetic sins through a process known only to your church of genetic analysis and reflection. Yes, you must analyze and reflect on your genes.
This all serves a higher purpose in that transpermia is correct and our genetic memories can take us all the way back to the distant planet from which we originated. Everyone serves a purpose in this, as following your written-in genetic destiny furthers the ultimate goal of universal transenlightenment.
Mutations are messages from the universe itself. All reactions from the big bang are calculable, and therefore have a distinct purpose, though it's mysterious to us with our current science.
The goal of everyone is to work towards enhancing humanity to the point that we can interpret these messages from the universe correctly.
YOU, the leader, have been chosen by the universe- this is because you had a genetic memory dream brought on by antidepressants you once took. SSRI's have been shown to downregulate the expression of some genes or other (look it up, I'm writing your mythology for you anyway) and you had a dream when you took them... the universe itself opened to you and told you that your meddling is BAD. All mutagens are BAD,as they bring mankind further from the designs of the universe. GMO crops are BAD because mankind is meddling directly, at least artificial selection allows for messages from the universe in the form of mutation. Vaccines are similarly BAD because they subvert the natural selection process and are remembered by the genes.

>I'm a biochemist and know that what I wrote is crap, but it's effective stuff for a religion

>>3081304
This is good. But there needs to be some impetus to paying me money, like >>3081286 suggested, lessons. The lessons in the "techniques" to live forever must be acquired ONLY through me. Say I have some revelation or something.

mathematics and reality. do something good for those crazies, will you?

i hate numerology, but something like consciousness + mathematics (ie. hofstadter) provides critical thinking AND blind faith simultaneously!

Quantum consciousness. Because it WORKS, bitches.

>>3081316
That sounds like a cross of extreme naturism and eugenics.

>>3081316
>>3081322
I've got your money thing covered, son. Your church has advanced methods for detecting mutagens. Your church has access to advanced methods for screening foods, purifying water, and filtering out unnatural radiation (not from the sun or Earth). Only your UV, water, etc filters can protect the faithful. You also are experts at genetic memory regression. You can guide people through spiritual journeys into their ancestors' genes within them... kind of like Assassin's Creed's bullshit but with a religious and profitable bent.
The gametes are SACRED. To share gametes with another is the highest sacrament. To this end, your cult regularly engages in orgies using MDMA/PT-141 in order to exchange genes. Unprotected sex is frowned upon, but a woman's menstrual discharge (sacred oil from the very walls of the temple of life) and a man's semen can exchange ancient genetic wisdom by being ingested.

>>3081304
The universe is probably not infinite. But if it were, there would likely be an infinite number of identical brains to yours right now in the universe. Yet you are not experiencing any of them, only this one.

>>3081356
Furthermore, women and motherhood are sacred. You have high priestesses in your religion, men are relegated to a "deacon" role. Women transmit the mitochondrial genes, the most ancient gift. Mitochondria are not endosymbiotic microorganisms as evolutionary theory would tell you... they are living aliens within our every cell. Their DNA is sacred and your church's (for profit) healing and cleansing techniques are the ONLY known means to revitalize your mitochondrial energies and truly bring you in touch with their sacred genes in a way most humans cannot.

Also, ensure that your "genetic memory regression" sessions involve lots of smells. Use some kind of discreet aromatherapy to enhance this effect. Use very notable but primitive smells like grass, wolf urine (your ancient ancestors feared them, they are powerful in your genetic memory), and other such whatnot.

"You smell it, don't you? Smell is most deeply connected to memory. The grass, the tanned animal hide of your nomadic hut, the octanol of the mushrooms... YES, the mushrooms. That's what's special about you, you were a shaman! You knew the universal truth long ago, and it's been buried in your genes ever since. Let's go further..." Bored and retarded housewives would eat it up, so would naturists, pseudo-wiccans, hippies of all stripes, new agers, etc.

>>3081316
>>3081356
>>3081403
Come on, OP. This bullshit is pure gold. I'm half tempted to start a cult based on it. Quantum mysticism is overdone, be original and go with genetic mysticism.

>>3081454
Gene mysticism is quite compelling and original. I just may run with this.

>>3081507
I'll find you sooner or later if your cult is successful enough. I'll be finished with my JD by then, I'll happily become your cult's VERY NECESSARY legal counsel.

>>3081507
I suggest you start by determining an apoclypse based on the decoding of the first of all african's DNA that revealed that the twentifieth chromosome will spell the end of civilization and all untrue genecists will unbind their DNA in the time of the unraveling.

tl;dr gene apocolypse, just make sure you choose a date no other cult chooses.