/sci/ - Science & Math

>implying drinking H2O2 will kill you


i still chuckled

A neutron walks into a bar ...... Japan explodes

>>2741031
Implying drink H2O2 wont kill you

>>2741031
It can kill you. Unlikely though. You would seek help or die a long painful death.

H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. It is highly toxic in large doses. Fags.

>>2741038
oh you

psh, peroxide won't kill you, here I'll drink 8 oz and i'll comment again, cause obviously I'll still be alive

knock knock

Donald Rumsfeld and Richard Cheney have revealed that they routinely drink diluted Hydrogen Peroxide and have been doing it for years.

Why aren't they dead yet?

>>2741178
and why are their teeth so white?!

>>2741173
who is there?

>>2741187
smell mop

>>2741121
he won't be back.

>>2741121
See. I'm still alive.

>>2741190
smell mop who

>>2741280

>>2741280
gotta admit that I lol'd.

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?

Pull down its genes.

hyukhyukhyuk

I'm tired enough that these jokes are hilarious.

A bar walks into a man. Oops, wrong frame of reference.

An atom walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I think I lost an electron"
The bartender replies "Are you sure?"
Atom: "Yes, Im positive!"

What is the dullest element?

Bohrium

hyukhyukhyuk

How many guacs are in a solution of guacamole?

Avocado's number.

>>2741837
Shit, nigger, that is a funny joke.

>>2741178
Proof positive peroxide turns you into a sociopath.

>>2741837
lold

>>2741837

****avoGadRo's number****

>>2741856
Lick my ballsack, dude, lick my ballsack.

so i should not proxide as a mouth wash any more?

You guys. Seriously you guys.

I thought hydrogen peroxide was generally just bleach.

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

HAUHAUEHAUHEUAHEU

>>2741879
nope.jepg

it's not corrosive at all it's just full of oxygen

>>2741031
The 1% peroxide solution you buy in stores won't kill you.

Pure hydrogen peroxide, on the other hand, is as dangerous as pure HCl.

A man walks into a bar, he's a hydroxyl functional group bound to a carbon atom and it's destroying his family

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, it's left as an exercise for the reader.

A engineer walks into a bar

 
 

   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
      
A GAY BAR THAT IS
   
 

>>2741903

How many engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

We'll never know, because they rammed all the lightbulbs up their asses

>>2741927
>>2741909
Oh lawd jesus

>>2741886
effectively free oxygen, not O2, so corrosive

drinking H2O2 sure will make you belch a lot

belch on a naked flame for lols

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A gay.
A gay what?
A gay engineer.

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

>>2741859
Diluted hydrogen peroxide is perfectly fine for mouthwash.

>>2742360
I never got this joke.

>>2742415
A hydroxyl ion.
A HO.

>>2742417
imdisappointson.jpg

>>2742417
That's... pretty far-fetched.

A neutrino walks into a bar, the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve neutrinos". The neutrino replies " no worries, just passing through".

A man walks into 750.03 Torr.. Ouch

In b4 to get to the other side
Why did the tachyon cross the road?

>>2741060
high doses aren't even needed if its concentrated. Nearly pure 98%-99% H2O2 would kill you on the spot.

An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a bloke in the street.
The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir."

>>2741178
Because they're reptilian shape shifters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP8l5QlVqVw

An ion said to a passing neutrino "I've lost an electron", the neutrino asked "are you sure?" to which the ion replied "I'm positive".

A physicist, mathematician and a statistician were recruited for the armed forces and sent to the royal artillery. They were ordered to fire an artillery gun onto an enemy base, and the mathematician stepped up first, made a few calculations and took a shot. The shot landed 200 feet too short. "You fool!" the physicist said, "you calculated for perfect conditions!". The physicist altered the calculations, took a shot and it landed 200 feet too long. The statistician stepped forward and said "Good job lads, we got them!"

>>2742415
The joke is that the salicylic acid doesn't accept the hydroxl ions, just like how the professor's wife doesn't accept the physics professor.

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were attending a conference, and were each given a room at a hotel. During the night, a fire spontaneously spawned in each of their rooms. The first to wake up with the physicist. He saw the fire, ran to his desk, picked up his pencil and started making thermodynamic calculations. He calculated the exact amount of water required to put out the fire, put the fire out and went to bed again. The next to wake was the engineer, who saw the fire, drenched the room with water, and went to the local gay bar. The mathematician was the last to wake, he saw the fire, went to his desk, picked up his pencil and started making calculations. After many many calculations were made, he threw down his pencil in triumph, having proved that he could put out the fire and went back to sleep.

>tachyon walks out of the bar.
>bartender says we don't serve your kind here.
>tachyon walks in to a bar.

An atom walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I think I lost an electron"
The bartender replies "Are you sure?"
Atom: "Yes, I'm sure"

Two chemists walk into a kitchen. First chemist says "Anything to eat in the fridge?" Second chemist says "Afraid there is only protons in here. Want to split them?" First chemist says "Sure!"

<EXPLOSION>

a noble gas floats into a bar and the barman says "we don't serve your type around here!"
it doesn't react.

>>2742565
nice!

i like this thread

>>2742565
URDOINITWRONG
>>2742504

Three men, a physicist, a engineer and a computer scientist, are
travelling in a car. Suddenly, the car starts to smoke and stops.
The three atonished men try to solve the problem:

- Physicist says: This is obviously a classic problem of torque.

It has been overloaded the elasticity limit of
the main axis.

- Engineer says : Let's be serious! The matter is that it has been
burned the spark of the connecting rod to the dynamo
of the radiator. I can easily repair it by hammering.

- Computer scientist says : What if we get off the car, wait a minute,
and then get in and try again?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''

Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections.''

The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''

Four men were sitting one day discussing how smart their dog's were.
The first man was an Engineer, who said his dog could do math. His dog
was named T-Square, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square,
a circle, and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat.

The Accountant said that his dog was better. His dog, Slide Rule, was
told to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into
piles of 3, which Slide Rule did with no problem.

The Chemist said his dog was smarter, his dog named Measure, was told to
get a quart of milk, and pour 7 ounces into a 10 ounce glass. The dog
did this with no trouble at all, and all three men agreed that their
dog's were equally smart.

Then they turned to the Union Member and asked, what can your dog do?
The Union Member called his dog, who was named Coffee Break, and said,
"Show the fellows what you can do".

Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the
paper, fucked the other dogs, and claimed he injured his back while
doing so, filed a grievence report for unsafe working conditions, put in
for Workmens Compensation, and left for home on sick leave.

The USDA once wanted to make cows produce milk faster, to improve the
dairy industry.

So, they decided to consult the foremost biologists and recombinant
DNA technicians to build them a better cow. They assembled this team
of great scientists, and gave them unlimited funding. They requested
rare chemicals, weird bacteria, tons of quarantine equipment, there
was a horrible typhus epidemic they started by accident, and, 2 years
later, they came back with the "new, improved cow." It had a milk
production improvement of 2% over the original.

They then tried with the greatest Nobel Prize winning chemists around.
They worked for six months, and, after requisitioning tons of chemical
equipment, and poisoning half the small town in Colorado where they
were working with a toxic cloud from one of their experiments, they
got a 5% improvement in milk output.

The physicists tried for a year, and, after ten thousand cows were
subjected to radiation therapy, they got a 1% improvement in output.

Finally, in desperation, they turned to the mathematicians. The
foremost mathematician of his time offered to help them with the
problem. Upon hearing the problem, he told the delegation that they
could come back in the morning and he would have solved the problem.
In the morning, they came back, and he handed them a piece of paper
with the computations for the new, 300% improved milk cow.

The plans began:

"A Proof of the Attainability of Increased Milk Output from Bovines:

Consider a spherical cow......"

>>2742645
That is a profoundly stupid joke with a profoundly stupid punchline and you are a profoundly, intractably, inconceivably stupid poster for posting it.

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel:
Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

>>2742653
>butthurt mathematician

>>2742653

Sounds like you just didn't get the joke and are angry about it.

>>2742660
That term is pretty 2008, dontcha think?

>>2742662
Or maybe, just maybe, your joke was a horrible flop.

>>2742665
sorry, would you prefer
>autismal as fuck

A lepton walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You're looking pretty quarky"

The Lepton replies, "It's all this glue on me."

A Hadron walks in and sits down next to the Lepton and says, "You're looking pretty strange."

The Lepton disappears through a quantum tunnel, the strong and weak nuclear forces cease to exist and all matter in the known universe is ripped apart in an instant leaving only the vacuum of matterless space.

a room-temperature superconductor walks in to a bar
the barman says we dont serve your kind here

he left with no resistance
also


photons have mass? i didnt know they were catholic

>>2742685

:D

So, Fredrick Nietzsche and Erwin Schrödinger are having a homosexual make-out session in a bar. The bartender says "You two are hitting it off!" And Nietzsche says, "Yeah, I think therefore his cat is dead!"

A bacterium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out, we don't serve your kind here."
The bacterium says, "But I work here! I'm staph!"

Did you hear about the straight engineer?
No.
Me neither.

>>2742700

>Nietzsche
>Descartes

Two nuclear physicists on their lunch break are discussing the crisis in Japan when they stumble upon a U235.

As they get closer they see the sad look on his face, so they decide to ask U235 what's wrong. He explains that ever since he lost his better half he's just been all cold inside, and his life's been stagnant, just slowly radiating down the path to being inert, and it's been depressing him.

So the two physicists step aside and talk it over. The first nuclear physicist decides a tough love approach is best. "I'm just going to give him some inspirational words, a quote from einstein, and then I'll headbutt him as hard as I can, maybe that'll get his inner spark back."

The second physicist replies, "That sounds like critical thinking to me"

So the first physicist goes up to U235 gives his inspiration words and his quote, and head butts him as hard as he can. U235 spark is reignited and the physicist dies instantly.

The second physicist panics as he sees that U235 is deeply disturbed by this, so he picks up U235 and throws him into the ocean. As he's sinking the depressed U235 yells up at the second physicist, "Now I'm really blue."

>>2741893
I see what you did there.

>>2742754
That sounds kinda of a gay, especially the ending.

>>2742771
Replace physicist with engineer, suddenly gayness everywhere!

Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

My math teachers used to tell me that I was just average. I always thought that was mean.

We just started learning about imaginary numbers, but I am going to give up, it's too complex.

I tried to think of a pun involving German philosophers, but I couldn't.

Why is it important that doctors learn the periodic table?

Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium.

>>2742779

>>2742814
okay i get the helium and curium bit but what is barium supposed to mean in relation to doctors?

>>2742835

Sounds like 'bury 'em', but it's stupid because doctors=/= undertakers

>>2742808
Maybe you need amanual.

lol

>>2741892
>Pure hydrogen peroxide, on the other hand, is as dangerous as pure HCl.
But then again, so is pure water.

a hadron walks into a bar and is thrown out for being a dick

>>2743066
This is not true. You can drink distilled water with little or no effect.

String theory is a complete Lie

>>2743108
yeah up to a quantaty of about 3-4 liters.... DIPSHIT

>>2742700
>Fredrick Nietzsche
You fucking idiot, that's not how you spell Friedrich. Also your bastardized quote was from Descartes, you insufferable 3rd grader.

>>2743127
Lol'd so hard on this one. Im stealing this.

>>2743175
Beyond that point, even tap water causes problems. I don't know what you're trying to say.

>>2743175
are you insinuating you could drink half that much H2O2?

scg;sjlsjjgln.