/sci/ - Science & Math

They would say something like "EVERYBODY RUN THEY ABOUT TO ATTACK US!!1!11!!1"

or
"Today an enemy nation deployed a helium filled balloon over San Francisco in order to induce fear among American citizens, the White house responded by releasing a statement saying the US will invade another 3rd world nation and find who is responsible"

They'd probably urge everyone to remain calm and try and investigate the situation. The thing about the media in general and Fox in particular is that they're all crooked bastards... when they have something to gain from it. If an alien craft just suddenly appeared, they're not going to have a game plan ready to try and twist it into some means of coercing the general populace into their political agendas.

Now if it just stayed there for a long ass time, eventually they'd get their act together and start suggesting it's a message from god/etc/we have to kill the people who don't agree with us/etc.

Imitate light pulses?

I don't know how the media would report it, but I'd get a laser light show to spell out "WE SUCK COCKS" on it.

freak out at first, then
ITS A MESSAGE FROM THE LORD OUR SAVIOUR CHRIST ALMIGHTY OH LAWDY LAWD GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!

>>1998205
I sincerely hope the very first thing we do upon making contact with an advanced alien race is troll the shit out of them.

>>1998180
its up to YOU GUYS to welcome them!!!

>>1998233
If they'd studied us at all beforehand, they should have been expecting it. If it's a test of some kind, who knows what their criteria for success is? My attempt is as good as any.

>>1998205
>>1998242
It seems as if the 5th race is surpassing us after all.

>>1998242
Who will be the first brave american to spraypaint a penis onto their ship?

>>1998248
That alien looks like he's been tokin' something fierce.

>>1998252
He actually is a pretty chill bro

>>1998249
This would make a good MSPaint comic. I'm no good at that stuff, someone else give it a shot.

I think the REAL question is, how do aliens react when we introduce them to /b/?

"Today, what is believed to be an alien spacecraft has landed in San Francisco-- hopefully to kill all of the gays-- and has so far done.. nothing! Surely, if science were the right religion, it could predict something like this."

>>1998276
They'll show everyone up in a penis thread. /d/ is where we'll begin to get real problems. Or not, if that's what you're into.

>>1998280
Oh god...oh GOD...what...what if, god, FUCKING forbid, the first alien species we meet has tentacles?

>>1998293
Tentacle sex IRL.

>>1998293
/d/ and /b/ will literally be filled with nothing but arguments over who gets to be the first human being to fuck an alien.

>>1998299
And us sexually normal guys, relatively speaking, would get NOTHING because all the wimmen would be into nothing but tentacles forever. Shit sucks.

>>1998305
SF will experience an increase in Japanese tourists.

>>1998308
M->F sex change will become increasingly popular.

>>1998308
I've seen the future, and I'm pretty sure they're just completely confused by human sexuality and don't really understand why earth women keep inviting them to stick their tentacles into their various holes, and even more confused by how angry this makes earth men. Why do you people even have two sexes anyway? That's totally fucked up. Your entire planet is fucked up.

>>1998320
Alien spotted.

>>1998320
Nobody's going to argue with you there.

>>1998233
>I sincerely hope the very first thing we do upon making contact with an advanced alien race is troll the shit out of them.

What makes you think they aren't doing the exact same thing?

I mean really now - Crop circles? Floating over a city flashing lights at everyone? Abducting hicks?

We've been trolled all along.

>>1998344
How do we troll back, then? We can't just let them.

>>1998344
Not to mention- apparently- deactivating our nuclear weapons and frequently pissing off air force officials.

Aliens are master trolls.

>>1998350
Just wait until they use lasers to burn "I love slurping on boners" into every forehead of every president on Mt. Rushmore.

FOX news would blame Obama for not being properly prepared for extraterrestrial invasion and spending money on welfare programs that could have been spent on space lasers.

>>1998369
pfft, they'll do one better. Depose the current US government and instate a truly representative and democratic system without any figureheads or leaders while giving us the technology to wean ourselves off capitalism and towards a post-scarcity economy and industry with mechanized labor taking care of all necessities and everyone being able to enjoy a high standard of living without any requirement to actually work.

and then we'd manage to fuck it up somehow and troll them aliums real good.

>>1998373
I think they already have space lasers but are highly classified because admitting the existence of them would also be admitting a violation of the Outer Space Treaty.

>>1998384
Russians had a space laser built.

Never went into orbit though.

>>1998380
Sometimes I feel "FUCK YEAH HUMANITY. "
Sometimes it's just "fuck humanity."

I don't want to come into contact with aliens until we as a species are ready. We aren't yet. We probably won't be for a while.

Here's a photo of it. Went by the name "Polyus"

>>1998394
"never went into orbit" is not strictly true, it didn't go into the desired orbit which is not the same thing.
To my knowledge it is still up there.
>>1998386
The laser system was built and tested by EKSPLA based in Lithuania which was part of the soviet union back then

http://www.ekspla.com/en

It worked by having loads of arc lamps burning all at once with a water pipe cooled retroreflector and multiple xenon tubes. They discovered multiple lasers overcame the heating problem but targetting the lasers separately was a problem as the beam would blur through the atmosphere. Also it took ages to cool off

>>1998402
Maybe there was a second one?

The first one they sent up accidentally de-orbited itself and it burned up in the atmosphere during re-entry.

>>1998384
Didn't the US already violate the space treaty by conducting nuclear tests in orbit?

>>1998410
Do you have a de-orbit date of polyus?
Also that thing weighed about a hundred tonnes, there must be pictures of the re-entry. the flames would have been comparable to Columbia or even Mir.

Also I believe that only 2 Energia systems were launched from Baikonur, I belive the system was contintued at Plesetsk cosmodrome in secret. I don't have any photography of Plesetsk however so I don't know how many other classified "KOSMOS" launches they did

>>1998426
It was launched May 15, 1987

Because of acceleration stresses the original flight plan called for the Polyus platform to ride back-end first under and in the wake of the core stage of the Energia rocket as it passed through the Phase of Maximum Dynamic Stress after launch. Since the engines for orbital insertion would then be in the nose it would be necessary for Polyus to yaw 180 degrees and then roll 90 degrees before they could be fired and Polyus placed in its working orbit. When the platform was finally launched on 15 May, 1987, the Polyus performed a 180 degree yaw turn and then continued the turn through to 360 degrees. Polyus then rolled and fired its orbital insertion engines, which caused it to de-orbit into the South Pacific.

Polyus's failure to achieve working orbit was caused by a faulty inertial guidance sensor.

http://www.astronautix.com/craft/polyus.htm

>>1998436
Convenient isn't it, that the South Pacific doesn't have too many people with cameras.
Tell me, do you believe what those commies want you to believe do you really trust the official story?

Oh don't worry our death star fell into the sea by accident and nobody was there to watch it happen, go back to sleep everybody.

Oh and that space shuttle we sent up the following year, nothing was in its cargo bay, don't worry.

>>1998394
Hmm, Polyus is BLACK. Space is BLACK. Makes it a bit difficult to see, and as it is officially crashed.... Its the perfect surprise attack weapon

>>1998394
I think even if Polyus does exist, the Aliens already know about it and that's probably their first target
1. Knock out all orbital defence measures.
2. Knock out Communications
3. Knock out all missile and laser bases.
4. Incapacitate air forces and air defences
5. Invasion

Russian Space Laser. Hmm. Any way to prove it?

>>1998510
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=russian+space+laser