/sci/ - Science & Math

>>1607695
WITH MAGNETS, SON

>>1607682

An alpha particle walks into a bar...

Software Engineer

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want". Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"
The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

HOW DO TACHYONS WORK?!

An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walk into a bar (ouch). One of the mathematicians then says, "the bar is now empty" and they begin to play hide and seek. The neutrino is then stopped by a police officer. Officer Heisenberg says, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "You're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar


...and it doesn't

An engineer walks into a gay bar...

>A neutron walks into a bar...
>How much for a beer?
>For you? No charge!

*rim shot*

An atom walks into a bar and says "I think I've lost an electron".

The bartender asks "Are you sure?"

The atom replies "Yeah, I'm sure."

Yo momma's so fat, the function that calculates her mass causes a stack overflow.

An atom walks into a bar.

Just kidding, atom's cannot walk.

>>1607710
How is that funny? It's like saying, "I just breathed some air.".

protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic

BAM BAM BUUU SHING

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t-9pDKh-Rs&feature=related
explanation please?

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side!

>>1607730

>>1607745
Baaaaazinga!

>>1607730
...'air'...

Why did the chicken jump into the Klein bottle?
Wait a second...

>>1607730
>An engineer walks into a gay bar...
>gay bar...
>gay
>Implying engineers are homosexuals

Did I seriously just have to spell that out for you. It made me laugh and I'm an engineer...

Your mother is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, her acceleration from rest resulted in a force between the two conductors of 6.0 to bi-tensor complex 23 newtons per minute and the magnetic flex around the closed curve was proportional to the algebraic sum of electric currents flowing through that closed curve. Translation please?

The world's dead geniuses play hide and seek in the afterlife. Einstein goes over to a tree to count, while everyone scurries around to hide. In the meantime, Newton draws a 1 meter square with a stick and sits in the middle of it.

When Einstein finishes counting, he turns around and sees Newton in his square. "I've found you", he says. "No you didn't", Newton answers. "But you're right here in front of me!" Einstein says, puzzled. "Tell me, what do you see?" Newton asks. "I see you, Newton, sitting in a one meter square."
"And what is a Newton on a 1 meter square?"
"A pascal."
Newton grins.

>>1607758
You're pretty dumb for an engineer.

>>1607759
yo momma's fat

>>1607741

>>1607758
Real engineers don't hang out at 4chan.

>>1607771
Aww ... shit. :(

>>1607757
2 girls 1 Klein bottle

>>1607767

But I do science I'm not dumb

>>1607716
Fuck, by far the best one yet.

>>1607703
>>1607716

I lol'd.

Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.

What's Purple and commutes?
An Abelian grape.

What's Yellow and is equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn's lemmon.

How does a mathematician brag about his small penis? "My penis is bigger than any epsilon > 0"

>>1607808
Clearly not any epsilon. Nice try.

<span class="math">\mathbb{R}[/spoiler]
test

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

<span class="math">Faggot:Fags \to \mathbb{R}[/spoiler]
<span class="math">Faggot(OP) = a, a \in \mathbb{R}[/spoiler]
<span class="math">Faggot'(OP) = 0[/spoiler]
<span class="math">Faggot''(OP) < 0[/spoiler]

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve tachyons here."
A tachyon walks into a bar.

How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
"I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."

A mathematician, engineer, and doctor walks into a first grade classroom. A student raises his hand and asks "What is 2 + 2?"

The mathematician, after pausing to think, answers "Thanks to the many early mathematicians and the development of number theory, we can conclude that the answer is 4".

The engineer promptly whips out his trust calculator, types in the calculation, and replies "Thanks to the marvel of modern technology, we can conclude that the answer is 4".

The doctor simply replies "4".

The mathematician and engineer both turn to the doctor and asks "How do you know?"

The doctor shrugs and replies "I memorized it."

>>1607852
I swear, every medical student I know is like that.

>>1607682

Demorgan at the supermarket:
"Paper or plastic?"
"not 'not paper' and 'not plastic'!"

"I'll have a large order of Fibonachos"
"Ok sir, that'll be as much as a small and a medium order combined"

>>1607821

>>1607838
lol female mathematician!

great joke

>>1607786
What's this comic called again?

>>1608807
saturday morning breakfast cereal.
smbc-comics.com

>>1607823
Nice one.

>>1607821
Can someone explain this, I've seen it before but I don't get it

>>1608878
its a quote from decksters lab

This one time I was at a party, and it happened to have a lot of comp sci students there. It was standard practice at this house to stack all the cans used in the night into a big tower. So it got late into the night, and there was a lot of alcohol consumed. There was one guy, and he was really drunk, but he insisted on trying to put the can he'd just finished atop the stack. We had a chair set up for this, because the cans were pretty much right at the ceiling.

He got dizzy while he was reaching up there and started heaving like he was going to puke. So he jumped toward the sink... which was on the other side of the tower of cans. Needless to say, he hit the floor in spectacular fashion, cans flying everywhere, after which he promptly puked.

Out of the silence that followed came the legendary words: "Stack overflow. Core dumped."

>>1607883
I once ordered a burger and fries at McDonald's using a series of nor and nand clauses. (I knew the guy serving me from my hardware design class... but of course the other people there had no idea what was going on.)

>>1608912
>Out of the silence that followed came the legendary words: "Stack overflow. Core dumped."

>>1608981
That's not funny at all.

If i was an enzyme I would DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes!

>>1608987
It is when you're high.

Why did the bear disolve when it jumped in the swimming pool?
Because it was a polar bear
BA-DOM TSCHHHHH

>>1609008
It's only funny if you know nothing about CS.

>>1609019
That's odd because I know quite a bit about CS, what with majoring in Computer Engineering and Math and all, and I still think it's funny.

>>1609039
Bad sense of humor.

>>1609049
Gee, good thing you were here to correct my poor sense of humor. What ever would I have done without you informing me of my mistake? You know, you're no better than those religious folks claiming that their religion is best. I bet you're a christfag.

>>1609086
Forgot to greentext
>My sense of humor is better than yours

>>1609086
>trying to hide obvious butthurt behind smiley pictures

>>1609101
My pictures were smiley even before you corrected my flawed sense of humor. Tell me, was I butthurt then too? Did i have any preemptive posterior pain?

Just wondering, are you an American?

>>1609007
Implying DNA ligase and DNA helicase are the same thing

>>1607767

I'd say he's pretty smart for an engineer