/sci/ - Science & Math

I once shat my pants in the middle of the lecture

Set my own hand on fire with ethanol more than once while replating bacteria. That glorious moment when you go all "Ok, appears my glove is burning ..." and just stare at it in amazement for a few seconds straight until your pain receptors kick in. Gets you every time.

>>15392804
>girl wears booty shorts in summer, argues w/ T/A over dress, gets 1st degree chemical burns
>subhuman diversity immigrants who actually ingested H2SO4 and need stomach pumpings
>the autist with no manual dexterity whatsoever and keeps breaking glass
>the sociopath who breaks glass because he likes the sound it makes
>the zoomers who snapchat between transferring chemicals, destroying phone cases
>the other zoomers who don't turn off of the gas after experimenting and caused an explosion
>the professor who got caught using the Bunsen burner to make a grilled cheese

>>15393124
>>the professor who got caught using the Bunsen burner to make a grilled cheese
Absolute kek. I've heard about a chemistry proffesor that notoriously brewed himself tea in beakers, but this launched mu sides to orbit.

>>15392968
I set my lab coat on fire during manual exam by underestimating the flame on small burners.

>>15393124
>>subhuman diversity immigrants who actually ingested H2SO4 and need stomach pumpings
Topkek, could you elaborate?

>>15393147

Ouchie. Good thing you can easily slip outa these again ... well unless you forgot to bring yours and are wearing that of a female collague which is two numbers too small (did also look really silly).

>>15392804
my favorite story
>university
>chemistry lab
>walk in
professor : "that's a really cute top"
it had a dog on it :)

>>15393155
On a break, so sure.
>have a peer who is tenured as an organic chemistry professor
>he's teaching a few summer courses
>ends up getting food poisoning
>asks if I would be willing to sub for him since one class has lab work for his courses
>"What's the restitution...? Yeah, okay, I can do that."
>go to the lab he needs covered the next day
>over half of the students are Pakistani boys
>all of them stayed stateside because of the benefits the university offers
>they're only trying to hit on girls
>regularly try to prove their "manliness" to these girls
>interrupting me during my brief introduction
>asking bizarre questions about why I am not a (medical) doctor like they will be one day
>asking what kind of car I drive
>asking if I can handle alcohol (evidently young Pakistani immigrants love drinking abroad)
>each time they give a big stupid smile to a girl, as if to see if they're impressed
>ignore because they're kids, just plod along with the course
>intro chemistry, attempting to show them basic endo- and exothermic reactions
>easiest example for the latter is mixing sulfuric acid with water
>I already have their equipment set up
>"Goggles and gloves on, now," I ask
>they continue flirting
>since chemicals are now in play, actively start asserting authority
>"Either do it right, or get out of the lab."
>again get laughs from them
>one decides to prove he's the "manliest" by drinking some 10mL of sulfuric acid
>I'm already calling paramedics while other students in class start panicking
>he "tanks" the acid, which prompts others to follow
>end result is 4 Pakistani males being put into the ICU in critical condition for days
>I actually get interrogated for what happened; "Why didn't you stop it?"
>other students' testimonies end up backing my claims
>university is scared to penalize the immigrant students because of optics
>they get a free C+ in the lab work and are told they don't have to do labs again
>I'm not allowed to be used as a substitute anymore

>>15392804
lab tech once caught me dumping IPA on the hot plate to cool it down faster.
i also sometimes get my wafers stuck on my masks during photolitho alignment (6 figure machine), and ive found the smacking the top of the alignment platform with the might of zeus usually fixes it.

>>15394046
oh, and sometimes ill eat some of the citric acid when no ones looking, its very tasty

>>15393974
>I'm not allowed to be used as a substitute anymore
Well, at least they can't force you to deal with that anymore.
Ok, so these were supposed to be going in to become medical doctors? Pray that they ingest some type of microorganism in micro that puts them out permanently. Or that they've learned some kind of lesson.

>>15394086
nta but most foreign students know theyre gonna get high level positions in the west just by being brown they probably have a whole help network that does all of their paperwork for them and constantly assures them they will be super successful when they graduate

Why am I not the one in charge of that?

>>15393974
I would literally pay thousands of dollars to watch this play out holy fucking kek. It sounds straight out of idiocracy

>>15393974
why are stories of retards being retarded so funny? post more if you have any.

>>15394348
A round of applause to our hospital and healthcare administrators hiring them in at discount prices.

>>15392804
I've never seen one episode of this. Also not one episode of the show it spun off from. But, I would probably get the puzzle.

>>15393913
Just yesterday I did training that said this is a huge no no.

>>15394046
They let you drink beer in the lab? Cool

>>15394755
Off of work, so here's another.

>hosting graduate classes
>there's no doubt a handful of these students are really intelligent, but too many are pseudos
>as it gets later into the year some students actively try to correct me when I'm lecturing
>they're wrong, both socially and factually, but continue to do so anyways throughout
>during this time I was visited by my grandkids, always peppering me with questions
>I don't mind that, by the way, a curious mind is a healthy mind, in my opinion
>as my grandkids and I do some hands-on kitchen experiments, I get an idea
>fast-forward, lab time
>explain to the graduate students that I'm getting real sick of their interruptions
>tell them that I'm so tired by all of it that I'm just going to end it all via ingesting poison
>their eyes go wide as I go to the chemical cabinet
>"Here is some NaHCO3," I announce, throwing a tablespoon into a 500mL beaker
>get confused looks from these grads, some even whisper, "What's NaHCO3?"
>"This is C12H22O11," I declare, throwing a tablespoon of that into the beaker as well
>one student's eyes go wide, starts giggling like my grandchildren
>others, meanwhile, are in a panic, actually starting to call 911
>"And this... is acid. C6H8O7." I hold up a vial of homemade acid, about two tablespoons
>I pour it into my beaker
>it fizzes violently
>young women are crying
>young men are shouting into their phones
>that one student is cackling like a demon, terrifying everyone near her
>I mix the concoction, hold up the beaker, and say, "Auf Wiedersehen," before knocking it back
>"DOCTOR, NO!!"
>I stand there, smack my lips, and grin at them as I hold out the beaker
>"Anyone want some orange soda?"

I was put on a paid (minus the cost of frivolous emergency services) leave of absence for two weeks for that stunt. The graduate students kept their fucking mouths shut in lecture after that, though.

>>15394755

Off of work, so here's another.

>hosting graduate classes
>there's no doubt a handful of these students are really intelligent, but too many are pseudos
>as it gets later into the year some students actively try to correct me when I'm lecturing
>they're wrong, both socially and factually, but continue to do so anyways throughout
>during this time I was visited by my grandkids, always peppering me with questions
>I don't mind that, by the way, a curious mind is a healthy mind, in my opinion
>as my grandkids and I do some hands-on kitchen experiments, I get an idea
>fast-forward, lab time
>explain to the graduate students that I'm getting real sick of their interruptions
>tell them that I'm so tired by all of it that I'm just going to end it all via ingesting poison
>their eyes go wide as I go to the chemical cabinet
>"Here is some NaHCO3," I announce, throwing a tablespoon into a 500mL beaker
>get confused looks from these grads, some even whisper, "What's NaHCO3?"
>"This is C12H22O11," I declare, throwing a tablespoon of that into the beaker as well
>one student's eyes go wide, starts giggling like my grandchildren
>others, meanwhile, are in a panic, actually starting to call 911
>"And this... is acid. C6H8O7." I hold up a vial of homemade acid, about two tablespoons
>I pour it into my beaker
>it fizzes violently
>young women are crying
>young men are shouting into their phones
>that one student is cackling like a demon, terrifying everyone near her
>I mix the concoction with water, hold up the beaker, and say, "Auf Wiedersehen."
>knock it back
>"DOCTOR, NO!!"
>I stand there, smack my lips, and grin at them as I hold out the beaker
>"Anyone want me to make them some orange soda, too?"

I was put on a paid (minus the cost of frivolous emergency services) leave of absence for two weeks for that stunt. The graduate students kept their fucking mouths shut in lecture after that, though.

>>15394956
All you needed were flickering lights and a storm sountrack going in the background.

>sophomore year of uni
>got lucky i guess, ended up in a malaria lab even though i had no idea how to do research what I should do
>had been in for a few months, PI was a huge dick, but I was assigned a phd student, nice guy
>spent 20 hours a week counting the frequencies of malaria-infected blood cells
>click click click, ok 1000, cells, etc
>phd student was from egypt and had like 9 kids or something so he only worked after 8 pm
>was always a good time, we'd stay up late talking about science and his escape from egypt during the revolution
>point to a pic of him with 2 other friends, he was much skinnier in the pic
>"why are u so fat now? haha"
>'anon that was before the revolution, both my friends in that photo were shot in the head'
>"oh"
>anyway, get back to work, it's like 1 AM and i'm counting slides
>no PPE as usual
>open 1.5 ml tube and malarial blood culture gathered on inner lip of tube forces out, spraying it all over my eyes
>sitting there with malaria blood all over my face, desperately trying to clean it out of my eyes
>.
>.
>.

>>15393974
>end result is 4 Pakistani males being put into the ICU in critical condition for days
My sides are in another stratosphere. Maximum kek.

>>15393974
>>15394956
holy shit

>>15393124
>the autist with no manual dexterity
that's me, but i mainly kept burning myself from grabbing/touching things i forgot were hot.

>>15394956
Was this another chem class?

>>15394974
should've been wearing goggles retard

>>15394956
Just imagine the amount of updoots you would get on Reddit for this story. Perhaps you should go there and never return

>>15394974

>click click click, ok 1000, cells, etc

Btw at what point in that did you consider suicide an attractive option? Just for comparison's sake ...

>>15394956
top-tier kek
i'm suprised that those retards can actually attend uni

>>15392864
fpbp
Thread -> /dev/null

>>15392804
>Be me
>In cleanroom
>Doing rca clean of a wafer
>There is a supervisor behind me
>Next step: ammonium hydroxide
>Old bottle empty, gotta take out new bottle
>It's a full 2.5l bottle
>Literally full to the cap
>It's also dented on the bottom so you can't place it properly
>Supervisor says "yea take care you gonna spill it over"
>Take the bottle to fill the cup
>Consider that I'm also wearing those thick rubber gloves, a face shield etc so it's not really easy to operate it
>Spill the entire fucking bottle all over the place
>as expected.png
>Clean it up somehow
>Continue the RCA clean for the next hour surrounded by that ammonia smell
Thanks God it wasn't HF

>>15394849
well i never said they LET me

>>15392804
>engineering university
>that one "friend" who kept insisting on having all the homework done together
>he would pretend to give helpful advice but all he did was copy other people
>he would get panic attacks and throw tantrums when no one wanted to study with him
>bribed later year students for their homework
>consistently underperformed in lab projects
>was good at cramming for exams but couldn't remember anything after a week
>somehow got a degree
>now has a serious job and is constantly overwhelmed because he never bothered to learn anything

>>15392804
I'm in college now. On Monday, my criminological theory professor tricked us into watching a documentary by asking us if we wanted to watch a movie.

did my masters with a woman professor
now i'm a 35 year old neet
at least i got the masters

>>15396956
Females strike again!

My favorite thing to do in those chem labs was always to make an absolute Chad flame with the bunsen burner. My station was lit as fuck. Zoomers are two retarded to manage two variables at the same time and were mystified at how I could create such good flames. I mean my flame was LOUD it dominated the entire room. The TAs always had to come by and tell me to turn it down.

>>15396955
What does contemporary university criminology have to say about topics such as the 13/52 meme?

>>15397910
Purely socioeconomic factors of course.

Fuck it
>Retard didn't believe my professor had highly concentrated H2SO4
>Retard decides to put a drop on his arm
>Retard gets horrible chemical burn and a neat dent in his skin.
another
>Kid spills an acid (Don't remember what) on his arm
>screams
>remembers that a base will neutralize an acid from 10th grade chemistry
>conveniently has a base next to him
>pours a little on the area of contact
>forgets that Acid+Base=exothermic rxn.
>This one was a violent
>Screams more
A professor told me this one
>student left a rxn unattended for hours
>staff had no clue what he was doing
>they run tests to see what he was making
>He was making drugs
I think they took an IR of it to make sure. It could have been MDMA from Piperine but I think that's just a meme.
And a friend of mine found nice E.coli colonies on the inside of his phone cover a week after a lab.

>>15397910
Source?

>>15392804
> Be me 6 years ago
> In microbiology lab, sit across from qt
> I'm 17, she's 20
> We've been flirting for some time, it's cool
> We're extracting DNA from a strawberry, have to flick our tube or whatever to mix some solution properly
> The motion is sorta like a bastardized version of rubbing a clit if you squint hard enough, this is relevant
> QT across the table leans over and shows me her test tube and she's having a hard time mixing it, I show her how and she still can't do it
> She hands it to me, say she needs me to "finger her"
> We laugh, I help her, we have a good time, I've never been more sure that I was in there
> Next lab I ask her out
> "How old are you?"
> "17..."
> "Oh...uh...I think we should stay friends!"
I think about this class and that girl often

>>15392804
I poured acidic waste into the basic waste container and someone else got blamed for it

>>15394956
cringe

>gonna make a solution of some fungicide
>the necessary amount is so small I can't weight it accurately
>hardly any fungicide left, get told I should just use all of it to get a more accurate weight
>have all the fungicide in solution in a test tube
>in my head the test tube is a measuring cylinder with a foot
>put it on the bench and it falls over and spills everything

>>15394956
You guys are so fucking retarded if you believe this is true

>>15398161
honestly why don't all testtubes have a flat bottom? not on the inside of course, leave that rounded but just add a platform to the bottom. it would remove the need for racks.

>>15397989
When I was making piranha solution a few tiny droplets fell down on the paper wipe, and it turned into ash right on spot. Sulfuric acid is evil.

>>15398114
Huh? Isn't it normal to pour them together? The only things that should be in separate container are solvents and hf.

>>15400870
i used piranha to clean the shit-infused lime scale off my toilet when i moved out of my apartment. no goggles or gloves, just being careful. really stupid of me looking back but damn did that toilet shine.

bump

>>15394956
Did everyone clap after that though?

>>15401651
Nigga why???
You can buy a lime remover for like 2 bucks. Just let it soak for a few min and its done. You don't need to fucking pour piranha solution of all things.
You are almost like that anon who decided to clean his glass with HF

>>15398068
That's legal where I live

>>15394814
Is there anything more expensive than DEI administrators hiring at discount prices?

>>15399162
a single tube would be less stable and easier to miss and knock over than a rack. it might also be harder to make be cause if the shape.