/sci/ - Science & Math

>>12486562
you cant

>>12486562
Let's hear one

Category theory

OP here, I'm trans and watcher of gay porn? Not sure if that matters though.

Axiom of choice

One day while we were doing geometry in high school math, we had a really hot substitute teacher fill in because our regular teacher was sick. She was really young and must have still been in teaching college. Needless to say, she really knew how to make a Johnson solid.

>>12486562
Comathematicians are machines for turning ffee into cotheorems.

Every minute you wasted on integration techniques that are literally only ever used for one week in calculus 2.

>>12486562
Octonions
Stephen Wolfram
Relativity

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 "8" (ate) 9.

Why was 1 afraid of 2? Because 1 "3" (three) 4.

>>12486562
Ok I'll bite

What does anime + a grown man get you?

A pedophile (or transgener)

>>12486562
How many Intneggers does it take to rationalize a real algebraic quotient egger?

>>12486562
1+1 = You are a faggot

9 = lim (8 -> 9) 8

>>12486562
name the last 3 digits of pi and ill tell one

>>12486562

sqrt Cmin / pi

What is a sheep’s favorite eigenvalue? LAMBda

>>12486757
Pfft.

>>12486562
the sheepdog joke
that has maths in

An engineer is working at his desk in his office. His cigarette falls off the desk into the wastebasket, causing the papers within to burst into flames. The engineer looks around, sees a fire extinguisher, grabs it, puts out the flames, and goes back to work.

A physicist is working at his desk in another office and the same thing happens. He looks at the fire, looks at the fire extinguisher, and thinks "Fire requires fuel plus oxygen plus heat. The fire extinguisher will remove both the oxygen and the heat in the wastebasket. Ergo, no fire." He grabs the extinguisher, puts out the flames, and goes back to work.

A mathematician is working at his desk in another office and the same thing happens. He looks at the fire, looks at the fire extinguisher, and thinks for a minute, says "nigger" and goes back to work.

>>12488209
I smirked

Q: What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
A: Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

>>12487152
001 in base pi

>>12486562
You have two possible outcomes. One was initially more likely than the other, but circumstances have changed such that each is equally likely. Which is more likely?

>>>12486606

>OP here, I'm trans and watcher of gay porn? Not sure if that matters though.

You'll like this joke then:

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil!

>>12488762
That was unexpected.

>>12488762
kek why are mathematicians so based?

>>12486562
What's linear, complete, normed and yellow.
A Bananach space

>>12486562
What's round, sour, yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
Zorn's Lemon.

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

>>12488762
kek, that was unexpected.

>>12488762
literally me
>t. mathematician

>>12488762
nice

>>12486562
Hypotenuse? I wish I was high on potenuse!!!!!

>>12489155
kek, Logician would be slightly better since it's a tautology tho.

>>12486562
1+2===D

>>12489121
what's purple and commutes?

an inner-city nigger

>>12490076
go back

>>12486562
https://youtu.be/bGdj6hABYgY
No one can beat this guy

>>12486562
your gpa

>>12490172
That is a tragedy, comedy is another genre.

A mathematician is applying for a job at a lab, and to test his problem solving ability, he is given a test. The scientists bring him into a room with a desk in the middle. To the side is a waste basket with a bunch of burning paper in it. On the desk is a glass of water.
The mathematician, startled by the fire, pours the glass of water into the waste bin putting out the fire.
The scientists then tell him "congrats, you aren't a braindead retard. You've got the job."
The next day the mathematician comes in for his first day on the job. He goes into his office, much like the one he was tested in there is a desk and a waste basket. He thinks for a moment and then goes to find a glass of water. He sets the water on the desk then shovels some paper into the waste bin and sets it on fire.
The mathematician then declares "this simplifies to a previously solved problem!"
Feeling satisfied with his work, he then goes home to shitpost on /sci/.
The scientists at the lab were burnt to a crisp.

>>12490081
>a mathematicion enters a math joke thread
>he posts a subversion of a typical unfunny group theory pun
>midwit anon doesn't get it and reports him
>midwit janny obliges

honestly just ban me and deliver me from this hell famalam

>>12486562
A cattle farmer wishes to build a new enclosure for his herd, and drives into town to purchase a number of fenceposts and panels from a local supply store. While loading the supplies into his truck, the farmer contemplates on the best layout for the new enclosure. An indecisive man at the best of times, the farmer turns to his friends - a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician - for advice on the best design for the new enclosure. Though such an association might seem peculiar, the four men had grown up in the same quiet, rural town and been close friends in their youth. While three had set out for the cities and universities in search of something bigger and better, the farmer was content to settle down and continue to work the farm that had been in his family for several generations.

The farmer, wanting to be courteous, invites the three learned men to dinner. As they reminisce and share anecdotes about recent goings-on, the farmer tactfully steers the conversation towards his conundrum. The physicist, a portly man in a tweed vest, is the first to speak up:
"A circular pen makes the most sense," he says matter-of-factly, "it ensures the largest enclosure using the materials you already have."
"I disagree," the engineer counters, catching himself as he hastily began to speak with his mouth still full, "a rectangular pen takes advantage of existing structures on the property."

The physicist and the engineer discuss the issue, and eventually agree on a design and begin drawing out plans for the enclosure. The mathematician, meanwhile, excuses himself from the room and slips quietly out of the house. He drags four segments of fencing behind him as he walks towards the barn. When he doesn't return, the other men become worried and begin searching. They find the mathematician in the barn, inside a small square of fencing, a steer balls-deep in his ass.
"I define myself to be outside the fence," he cries out as the bovine ejaculates into his rectum.

>>12490192
kek

Using perturbation theory on approximated equations

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

>>12490372
Dirty Johnny is at it again!

>>12486562
[math] \int e^x [/math]

>>12490372

Have you heard of Zumdies theorem?

>>12490695
[math]\displaystyle \sum_{}^{Nuts}dddd[/math]

>>12490385
where are the other 8??????????????????????????????

real numbers

>>12487031
please dont lump me in with trannies

>>12490372
Jesus I can hear it perfectly in his voice.

>>12490608

>>12486562

>>12490216
Type it again

>>12487031
why is this board so full of anti anime faggots?

>>12486757
holy shit

>>12488975
>Q: What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
>A: Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
that's funny

>>12486562
what's purple and commutes?
an Abelian grape

>>12490192
BASED

>>12486562
The square root of you plus me is an imaginary number

>>12486562
If you have 2 choices, loose one, no longer have any choices.

Here's my best joke, mathematician's job

>>12486562
0.99999999999999999999999999999...=1

>>12486600
Kek

>>12486757
I like this

>>12486757
hahaha, this one is good.

>>12488209
I laughed, begrudgingly

>>12490372
>I define myself to be outside the fence
I don't get it?

>>12486562

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WJxBkE9d-TA&list=LL260Wh1krcTBjQ4pJAgpO9w&index=346

>>12487031
Kek
>>12491135
Because anime is loved by emotionally under-developed immature adults. Its a form of youth nostalgia escapism.

>>12486777
Nailed it

How do you find a ceiling? One step at a time.

>>12486777
Replace "ate" by "the act of eating" and you'll get approximately 1.35 times more keks.

>>12488762
based

>>12490888
use the archive

>>12492525
Since the mathematician defines himself to be "outside" the fence, he implies that everywhere else is "inside" the fence. However, even if his fence design may technically maximize the area encompassed, it is absolutely worthless in the real world, unlike the fence design created by the physicist and engineer.

>>12486562

Most matrices live on campus. In general, they don't commute.

(R^3)/3

>>12494538
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSFd_2oJgak

>>12490372

>>12492167
came here to post this :(

bumping

>>12486562
219934

>>12498330
Heggiz?

>>12492284
Yeah because you're such a negative sack of shit no one wants to date you, else they would be negative too.

>>12486767
Kek

Inconsistent axiomatic systems logically imply their consistency.

>>12486562
[eqn]\varepsilon < 0[/eqn].

>>12486562
null

>>12494520
what's your basis for that claim?

>>12499228
The orthogonal one

>>12499282
seems to me you're basing it on your ''own'' values

>>12487085
dank notation ma boi

A truncation error walks into a bar, the b

>>12498525
nigger

>>12486562
Manifolds are like balls. They're fun to play with until there is torsion.

>>12490170
Most of his jokes are shit. The jokes that would be good he ruins the delivery. And he fills two thirds of his videos with intro and outro material. This channel sucks

>>12490384
kek