/sci/ - Science & Math

>walk in
>feel pressure in my gut
>nothing much, leak a bit
>take sharpie and plug leak
>alls well
>sit on chair
>teacher talks about boring stuff
>get bored
>shifting around on chair
>sharpie moves around
>feels good
>do it again
>i start to moan
>girl next to me gives me a weird look then looks away
>start moving faster
>suddenly entire sharpie slides inside
>penis immediately shoots off
>white blotch of cum pushes through jeans
>sharpie gets rocketed out of my ass
>brown liquid drips down leg
>girl sniffs and then looks
>starts screaming
>get kicked out

>>12415216
>Ochem
>Discussing HOMO's and LUMO's
>Asked to identify where the HOMO is
>Be engineer
>Raise hand then make wrist limp saying "helllooo" in the most engineer voice possible
>Professor turns to the board visibly trying to stop themselves laughing

It honestly really felt nice cause she had a big smile on after that. Sometimes a little funny is good in a lecture

>>12415409
Ok thats funny

>>12415446
That class was great
>Structure of class was learning reactions and mechanisms then a day of practical compound knowledge
>Having fun going over stuff and she draws myristic acid
>Tells us "this is the psychoactive compound in nutmeg. It's terrible though don't do it"
>"How do you know prof?"
>She visibly weighs the room before nodding
>Tells how she synthesized myristic acid and purified it herself
>Then she took it and "it was a dissociative hallucinogenic that just felt awful, because I'm a scientist I did it twice more to be certain. It's not worth it trust me"

She was great, caught her using GC-MS to try and identify what mystery oreos were once

>>12415216
>be me, PhD student at the time
>first time lecturing 80+ students for two hours
>very nervous
>took me two weeks to prepare the lecture
>start 15 minutes late because no one seems to be there on time
>have to rush through the most complicated part
>get strange looks from the people in the front rows, but too nervous to figure out why
>my wearable microphone drops
>as I try to grab it off the floor, I step on it
>everyone cringes in agony as a loud screeching fills their ears
>have to finish the rest without a mic, basically screaming at the lecture hall
>45 minutes in, everyone actually seems to follow better than expected
>I calm down, continue the lecture
>going quite well now, students ask insightful questions
>the spaghetti in my pockets is firmly in place
>feeling great
>still get funny looks from people in the front rows
>after the lecture I notice my zipper was wide open the entire time

>>12415511
Oof, sorry no one had the decency to tell you anon

>>12415511
based retard. The front row recognized your alpha dominance.

>>12415534
>>12415543
Thanks, my advisor was even sitting in the front row, and said nothing, even during the 15 minute break halfway through lol

>>12415409
Is there a onions filter on gay to engineer or am I just a new fag

>>12415216
>lecture hall with ~100 students
>chinese professor who barely speaks english finishes chapter
>"any questions class?"
>autist kid raises his hand
>"can... can I go to the bathroom?"
>professor has no idea what he's asking because he barely speaks english
>asks him to repeat the question
>"can I go to the bathroom now?"
>professor still doesn't understand "uh... you mean the gravitational force of the...?"
>"NO, bathroom"
>keeps asking him to repeat over and over
>professor keeps thinking he's talking about the lecture, so starts going on tangents trying to answer hypothetical questions he assumes the student is asking
>"NO BATHROOM"
>kid starts crying he has to go so bad
> finally professor understands
>"oh, you mean restroom? uh.... yes sure ummm... go ahead"
>kid gets up, pee stains all over his shorts, wiping tears from his eyes
>"actually I don't have to go anymore"
>kid leaves, never see him again

how do these guys get into college?

>be in intro to number theory lecture waiting for the prof to arrive
>kid who is famously know among my peers for being an annoying tryhard walks in
>goddammit.jpg
>lecture starts and he does his thing
>answering every question anyone asks
>attempting to complete the profs sentences when he's clearly just talking to himself while writing on the board
>giving "alternative ways" to solve the same problem that was just solved
>interrupting the lecture to ask about theorems that he found on Wikipedia that kinda maybe have something to do with the class but are ultimately irrelevant to the current subject
>you all know him, that guy.
>eventually the prof turns around and looks him dead in the eye
>"You're thinking too loud"

>>12415917

>>12415720
holy kek, poor guy

>>12416044
I know a guy who s like that

>>12415216
>second year linear algebra
>girl sitting in the dead center of the lecture hall has her head down sniffling quietly
>lecture proceeding as normal
>sniffling and moaning gradually getting louder
>everyone is ignoring it
>eventually it becomes disruptively loud
>professor stops lecture and asks her if everything is okay
>She says "no" and goes back to crying
>everyone just sitting there in silence staring at her for as she cries
>eventually another girl volunteers to take her outside the lecture hall and talk to her
>finish lecture
>never see her again
I guess it's not really funny, just awkward as hell.

>first year college
>can't find classroom i'm looking for
>finally find it, open doors and walk in
>class has already started, have to take seat in front row
>teacher asks me if i'm in nursing 101
>say no, realize i'm in a massive lecture hall with like 200 girls
>they all start laughing at me, doesn't phase me get up and leave
>get outside and hear lecture burst into an uproar
thats how you do it boys

>>12415216
>be third year physics grad
>lecture hall next door is where they do the undergrad mechanics class
>mechanics prof fucking loves big bombastic demos
>every year when he gets to the section on orbital mechanics and rockets he pulls out this pulse jet rocket engine demo and fires it because it's big and loud and awesome
>all classes have to deal with one day a year where everyone's lecture is interrupted by 20 seconds of
>BBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRR
>the day comes
>I'm in plasma diagnostics course
>middle of lecture
>suddenly hear
>BBBBBBBBBBRR-OH FUCK!! OH SHIT!! OH MOTHERFUCKER!!
>fire alarm goes off
>everyone gets up and leaves the room to evacuate
>we see kids streaming out of the lecture hall and hear the sound of a fire extinguisher going off
>fire department gets called and we miss out on the rest of classes for the afternoon
Turns out the professor forgot to setup the big plate he usually puts on the far side of the table to absorb some of the exhaust heat and it ended up lighting part of the fucking wall on fire. The damage ended up being mostly superficial and no one was hurt, and miraculously the prof didn't get fired... but the university put the bosh on doing that particular demo anymore.

>>12416044
I audibly kek'd.

>>12415720
Poor guy doesn’t know he doesn’t have to ask. Also I have the chronic dread DREAD of shitting or pissing myself in public so back when things were open I just wouldn’t eat or drink, and I would walk around dehydrated and starving. Also one time I walked into a private bathroom that some retard forgot to lock so I just started pissing in the urinal with my dick out and she was freaked out. Washed her hands very fast and left. Kek what a tard.
One time my prof yelled at the class because 50% failed the exam. I had a 94 so I was just smirking the whole time. Pretty funny.

>>12415917
Holy shit I hate these kinds of guys. I’m here asking the prof about advice for solving it and discussing generalized forms, meanwhile these fuckers as like
>uhhhmmm professor on Wikipedia I was reading about durrrrrrrrrrrrrr
It never in the scope of the class the prof always says that in reply.

>>12415216
>undergrad in Physics 2 for majors
>first day of class
>prof doesn't waste any time with stupid introductory crap or syllabus shit
>dives right into 'let me give you the quick rundown on vector calculus so we can do E&M like grownups'
>ten minutes in, rando in the class with a completely lost expression on his face raises his hand
>'Uhhh, is this 'Physics of Everyday Experiences'?'
>prof stares
>'Well, this is 'Physics' and we're going to have experiences in it every day, so you're welcome to stay.'
>rando stands their in dumb silence for like a three count before getting it, packing up, and leaving

>>12416125
Wow damn. In high school we had a kid who broke down crying when our teacher gaves us the marks for a test. The thing is bhe got a really high mark, probably the highest in the class. Later on we learned that his parents opressed him a lot in regards to school and stuff. Felt bad seeing him break down like that

>>12416579
Based. These hos were laughing at themselves because at the end of the day who in their right mind would do nursing topkek
Also, based movie

>mandatory chem (americunts amirite)
>everyday say to myself “don’t fucking forget your fucking goggles you bitch ass pussy”
>working on my idepentant study of logic for the weekend
>engulfed with this personal study
>psychotic break
>break my hand beating the shit out of my desk
>hold gun to head going to kill myself
>pussy out
>start reading the Bible and throw all my books on logic into the bin
>go to sleep reading a pdf of the book of Enoch
>wake up late
>FUCK CHEM IS IN AN HOUR
>fucking sprint from my house to campus screaming
>IM LATE IM LATE IM LATE
>arrive to class shirtless, notice and zip up my jacket
>>ok class put on your goggles now
>say nothing
>walk out
>drop the class that day
that’s how I embarrassed myself in class.

>>12416750
This didnt happen. And if it did: highly based

>>12416771
It did i’ve since changed majors from engineering to math. I want to teach retards Diffy Qs for a living. Easiest shit, great hours. all because I dropped chem and failed physics. Kek

>>12416750
i'll never understand how people have psychotic episodes like this. same thing with all the kids crying in class stories. you people are all weirdos.

>>12417854
just don't spend time studying something and investing your heart and soul into when it's all bullshit.

>>12415216
>professor thermodynamics class calls on girl in second row
>"well, like, I guess you would, like..."
>professor goes on a five minute rant about not using filler words and not sounding like a middle school girl from SoCal

>>12418058
I had a professor of a meme subject do the same. She got so mad with filler words that she banned many of them from our essays, so we were forced to find ways around it.

>optics course this year
>online classes
>lecturer is an old swede, the embodiment of a boomer
>every lecture is just him standing in his home office, holding surprisingly good powerpoint presentations on the subject
but
>in his 60s
>has kids that are in elementary school that he kept yelling at in swedish
>has a question hour every week where he just sits in a lounge chair in his living room, with his laptop apparently on his belly and uncomfortably close to his face in a trademark boomer way
>dedicates half of every third lecture to talk about how his experiments relate to the topic at hand
>kept sharing anecdotes

i never got a good look at the kids, but it wouldnt surprise me at all if they were half-thai or something. he eventually started holding lectures at his university office, i think because people were complaining about how his home life kept interfering with the lectures.

>>12415216
>taking gen chem at pos community college because cheap
>work alone in lab because I typically finish faster that way
>not enough equipment for me to work alone one lab
>ask to join a group half finished, copy all their data
>lead the last few tests promptly
>get all the data I need, finish the calculations, don't share them
>turn in my lab and ditch my group to cleanup
I was laughing that day.

>first lecture
>prof advertising office hours because nobody really uses them
>promises coffee for visitors
> - and maybe something else too
>brief pause
>frantically tries to clarify that the intention was biscuits amidst laughter

>>12415216
Not really a lecture moment but this thread has a good vibe so I'm gonna go ahead and bump it with a story

>masters course in MRI physics
>material is complicated as fuck
>prof is semi autistic and is apparently face blind
>I've spoken to him several times before this course and he knows my name
>but when saying hi passing him in the hallway he obviously doesn't recognize me but pretends that he does out of politeness
>anyway, the whole class is struggling with the course
>exam comes
>I don't think I did too well, and all the other students feel the same
>grades are published
>I somehow manage to get he highest grade in the class
>I'm super confused
>wanna find out how the hell that happened so I go to the hour where you can look at the exam and see how it's graded
>prof asks for my name (obviously) so he can gram my exam
>when I say my name, he gets all excited
>before he hands me the answer sheet he starts flipping through the pages of my exam
>says I'm the only one who got the final question right
>but when he gets to my answer to the final question, his face changes
>turns out he misread my answers, and overlooked the word "not"
>I got the answer wrong just like everyone else
>so I got a full mark for the "correct" answer, and another bonus mark for being the only one to get it "right", even though I shouldn't have
>he's cool about it though and let's me keep the grade
That mistake is the only reason I graduated with distinction

>>12418058
Based
>>12418069
Unbilievably based. You might have hated her in the moment but you came out of that class a better person

>early lecture
>have a 15 min break from 9:00-9:15
>lecturer looks at the clock and remarks "Oh look its 9:11 on 9.11".
Another lecture with the same lecturer (it was a QM course)
>was deriving some stuff
>the "m" letter had was used for the magnetic quantum number
>lecturer was pondering how he would denote the mass of some particle
>decides on using a suffixed m and proclaims "maybe i should call it ass!"
also pic related is the same guy.

12415487

Shitty larper

>synthesized a cheap commercially available 14 carbon fatty acid
>psychoactive
>ms on cookies

Retard, no (You)s for u

>>12415409
what is the most engineer voice possible? I try to avoid engineers based on pure stereotype and bias.

>>12416707
Lmao. For some reason, this is the funniest in the thread.

>third year comp sci
>really fat neckbeard works up the courage to answer aloud for the first time after all these years
>professor turns to him and says 'no, you're wrong'
>he never shows up again
Even though I wasn't involved, I feel almost as bad as the time I outed and ostracized a brony on accident, but that wasn't during a lecture.

>be me, naive first year undergrad
>dont know what i want to do with my life
>science is cool, arts is easy
>lets do both for now
>take third year english course, pretty based
>get into class, tons of girls, yes/10
>wrinkly woman prof with mr.noodle hair strolls in
>Here is the syllabus
>see were reading 1984
>b a s e d
>any questions?
>ask what we will be working on for the 1984 readings
>says to analyze how the book is about nazis controlling the world
>begins to argue with prof
>cite that author explicitly said it was about communism
>dude who is dressed like a modernist nu-male leans in
>bro, they're all marxists here, quiet down and blend in
>look at him in astonishment
>ask "what does shadilay mean to you"?
>smirks, shows picture of JP and him from his phone
>you blew your cover dude
>fast forward 2 weeks
>prof misgendered a fictional character we were reading about
>SJW prof gets rolled over by a feminist student in class
>whole class falls silent
>incognito-bro leans in
>this is my favourite part, when they eat themselves
>hey, I only dress this way when i come to school
>its kind of like hunting, you put camoflauge on right?
>realize the english department is one giant psy op
>drop all classes

chad butterfly vs virgin geometer

>differential geometry of curves and surfaces
>beautiful spring sunny day
>windows are open
>suddenly a butterfly flies inside and lands on the prof's desk
>prof freezes
>he's absolutely horrified and doesn't know what to do
>butterfly takes off and lands on the opposite side of the desk
>prof watches, horror in his eyes
>whole class is completely silent
>butterfly flies a short distance once again
>every second feels like an eternity
>prof looks like he's about to faint
>butterfly takes of and this time flies out of the window
>prof makes literally this face: " : - ) ", I've never seen such genuine hapiness
>continues the lecture

it was like 5 seconds, but I'll never forget those 5 seconds

>>12418347
Wow you're such a bad ass being better than a bunch of kindergardeners in CC

>>12416626
Based

>>12418434
i've had several professors say that if they make a mistake on grading then they will not lower your grade, even if you fucked it up. thats always nice

This happened right before class went online for covid reasons
>undergrad analysis course
>professor never uses any digital files
>brings a 4in binder with 20 years worth of lecture notes thrown in to class every day
>has at least 10 dry erase markers in each pocket, never throws away the ones that dont work
>tells us that class will likely move online soon
>says he is not sure how he will teach as he doesnt have wifi at his apartment
>goes on to say he also doesnt have heat at his apartment
>compares himself to Ted Kaczynski

this same professor also
>tried to fight the IT help guy when the overhead monitor didnt work
>had nothing in his office but a typewriter and the bike he rode to campus
>didnt wear shoes or socks when in his office
>had lunch that was just ham on white bread, no cheese or mustard

The guy was a robot in every sense of the word. Never early, never late. Always wore the same clothes. I don't think he ever married but he told us about his dog a couple times.

>>12419525
>>had lunch that was just ham on white bread, no cheese or mustard
based

>>12419525
absolute keks were had

>lecture on zoom about functions of two variables
>a guy asks, how many variable are there, more than once

>>12419703
I dont know how these people make it

>second to last week of undergrad abstract algebra 1
>"so, like,... what is a group?"

>>12419724
isnt it the first thing you learn in it?

>>12419732
yes. but the room temp iq's in the room weren't capable of connecting the definition to the examples we had seen all semester

>>12415720
>having to ask to go to the bathroom
Do Americans really?
All my lectures are and always have been essentially drop in/drop out, with the exception of the really small ones (10-20 people)

>>12419761
>Do Americans really?
No, anon even said the kid was autistic.

>>12419778
Guess thats true.
Someone couldve just spoken up and told him that he doesn't have to ask, poor guy.

>somehow ended up in a gen ed class with a leftard professor
>something something gender roles in medical research
>the sperm does all the work in reproduction
>the egg just sits there
>mfw

this is a science board, not your epic education experience sharing platform, might want to try reddit or facebook for that, this thread should be deleted

>>12419525
he's just like me

>>12416626
>BBBBBBBBBBRR-OH FUCK!! OH SHIT!! OH MOTHERFUCKER!!
fuck i spit out my drink

>>12419881
no fun allowed

>>12419881
killjoy

>>12419881
dear diary. today i comaplined about other diaries. what bigots they are, i say.

>>12416733
shoulda railed some of them afterwards

>>12416707
shoulda stayed and maxed out the class, flexing on 'em payers

>>12416789
>Diffy Qs for a living

i approve

>>12418396
XD, what did he have in his mind

>>12420489
biscuits?

>>12419379
The pure terror of Dynamical Systems

>>12415216
>lecturer talks about airports and terrorism risk
>he goes at length explaining how the very same architecture of airports is a huge liability in case of a terrorist attack as they're basically opposite of what would be considered safe, and what we should do to mitigate the risk if we ever end up having to deal with an airport's safety.
>he explains that glass panels are especially dangerous in case of an explosion, as it happened in Bruxelles
>"you see, it's architects who like to put glass panels everywhere, because it's so beautiful and yadda yadda. You know what we should do to these people?"
>"...so you're an architect? Yes? Here, come with me. Then you take him to the river and put his head under water until he stops moving. You put him out of his misery: it's for his own and everyone's good."
That lecturer was based as fuck.

>>12415409
Wtf is engineer voice?

>>12419881
Dude, what a weird thing to gatekeep over. It’s a decent thread.

>>12418317
Boomers are Americans that experienced an economic and population boom after ww2. Not Swedes. College boy.

>>12420578
Hey same guy, also I liked your story and even tho your nomenclature was incorrect I understand why you used that word to describe the guy

i posted earlier but i'll see if i can think of other stories
>sitting in chemical separations class
>quiet kid who sits next to me leans over and with no context tells me that the prof reminds him of his dad

>in orgnaic chem, massive class
>kind, well-intentioned asian prof
>have to "click in" at the end of every class
>premeds figure out how to click in from home
>prof gives the answer to the clicker question cause he's feeling nice that day
>put the wrong answer in the class groupme
>professors face when he gave the answer and still 30% of the class got it wrong

>rando convinces abstract algebra professor to have class outside
>rambles about field extensions with no access to whiteboard
>wastes an entire lecture

>>12419525
Very based

>>12420520
this isnt greentext format. try again undergrad

>>12420628
Sounds like the professor "extended" into the "field" outside.

>>12415679
I'm just memeing I'm a biophysics faggot

>>12415511
Made me kek audibly well done anon

>>12415917
Hahahahahahaha I know exactly this guy.
Linear algebra prof once told him straight up to shut the fuck up

>>12416707
Lmao imagine the confusion

>>12418396
>Yfw he was talking about female biscuits

>>12415409
Gay homo fag homosexual homophile Uranian sodomite queer fruit

> Taking first year lab class
> Prof is an absolute unit of a man, but also very mild tempered and kind of shy
> It's graduation day at my faculty, so there is a shitton of noise coming from the street next to the class due to all the partying
> In the middle of the lecture, people outside start throwing stuff against the building
> Prof decides mid sentence to storm out into the street
> He still has his mic on
> For the next three minutes we hear him deliver a rant that would make Downfall's Hitler proud
> Goes back into the class to resume lecture as if nothing had happened
> Street is now completely silent

>>12419338
Kek share the brony story

>undergrad physical chemistry lab
>forced to be paired with an autist and a chinese girl
>start fucking with them cos the experiment was something like doing titrations with a voltmeter
>chinese girl asks me to fill a beaker of water to make up the solution
>say ok
>go to the cupboard and find the BIGGEST fucking beaker, talking 1L + (those things look retarded)
>find the SMALLEST pippete, the ones even smaller than regular ones that hold at most 1ml
>stand behind her doing tiny drops as slow as possible to fill it up
>the longer this goes on the more upset she becomes
>starts getting visibly angry with every micro drop
>whenever she told me to stop and be serious id just feign complete ignorance and go 'huh? what?'
>later
>were doing data analysis and they make the mistake of being in the driving seat for excel
>id say that I knew what to do, pause, make exaggerated thinking noises, go ah!! then colour a random cell yellow
>no no sorry sorry ill be serious now
>do it again
>chinese girl starts stomping her feet and crying because i coloured cells yellow in excel 3 times

this lab lasted 3+ hours and was trivial, she even hit me at one point because she was from hong kong and i said that HK was basically china.

>>12415679
>>12419283
>>12420546
Classic meme that engineers = gay
Surprised there's this many posts asking about it, I guess I haven't seen it posted here in a while.

>>12422612
I thought engineers were autistic.

>>12415720
>new students who come in asking if they can leave the room and calling people "sir" (here you use first names for everyone)
>get called "sir" multiple times while still a bachelors student because I didn't dress like I was going to the gym

>first year intro to chemistry
>first lecture have never done chemistry before
>sit there for a 2 hours bamboozled with information that makes no sense whatsoever
>at the end of the lecture the professor puts on am Ed Sheeran chemistry remix song on that was popular at the time
>lecture hall full of 400 people with this cringe ass song is blaring
>flashbacks of highschool chemistry
>uni is the same as fucking high school
Here's the video if anyone is interested https://youtu.be/f8FAJXPBdOg
I dropped out a week later and then started a year later at a smaller uni after this. The professor was also a horrible bitch

Not really funny but I like the thread theme so will contribute
>in a final year unit where our assignment is basically to give a lecture ourselves then peers + professor mark you
>at the time I'm working "full-time" as a temp lab technician to fill in for someone on extended leave
>go to the lecture on my lunch break
>watching fellow student do their lecture when all of a sudden the prof stands up and mumbles something
>then walks over to the desk
>sits down weirdly
>everyone's looking at him like wtf
>stands up again then seizes and goes unconscious
>some fucktard premed starts yelling out random shit that doesn't help at all trying to diagnose him or something
>nobody knows the number for security/first aid
>my mobile is dead so I walk out and around the corner to where the student support is and ask them to call people
>go back and see security starting to deal with it
>fill out the marking sheet for the student's lecture then head back to work
>"how was lunch Anon?"

>>12422580
Aaah. The days in the lab.

>be me, literal autist
>have to take so many meds to stay normal
>people from uni haven't seen me off meds
>watch anime all night, goblin slayer is intense...wow
>wake up late, have to do autistic things before school
>get shower, wash hair twice and shave balls, even though late
>have to clean pubes out of toilet, still late
>get dressed and shouenen sprint to class
>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
>get there just on time
>lab TA is cool, knows im autistospastic
>sit down in class for first time
>ihatepeopleihatepeopleihatepeople
>look around, see sea of non-whites
>only 1 chair left, all whites went together already
>im in late person lab group: 1 chink, 1 tranny, 2 muslims (1 thicc)
>sit there wanting to cry, weird, whats wrong
>OH FUCK MEDS
>reach into bag for my emergency my frog kit
>*F. R. O. G.* Future Resource of druGs
>I (un)zip every single opening in my bag, sounds like a swarm of flies
>heh..frog likes flies
>mom got me the frog because i go on 4chan and she knows pepe
>thought it'd be cute for a gift, whatever thanks mom
>TA is talking, everything is dead quiet
>everyone stops, looks at me
>I have straight tunnel vision and tinnitus from social anxiety
>bottomsup.png
>I brap a little, hardly noticed over my 200bpm heart rate and furious sipping
>proceed to zip everything up
>see everyone staring at me, weird looks on their face
>OH SHIT MY LAPTOP
>go back into bag, zipzipzip to get my laptop
>hear whispering
>ask "what" while turning back to desk
>accidently throw the thing across the lab table
>computer turned on and begins playing anime
>FUCKFUCKFUCK i was watching Goblin Slayer last night
>is the rape scene from episode 1, made me cringe last night so I closed it
>grab laptop, bookbag (unzippered) and jacket all hugged to my chest
>sprint out of there and go home, GS still playing rape scene
>get an email from TA, tells me I forgot my frog at school

I transferred out of university after that to an online school.

Sneed

>>12420578
>>12420585
You're a real weirdo but seem like you would make a good friend

>>12419404
Y u mad

>>12422612
We’re the oldfags now anon.

>>12419761
>Do Americans really?
No. They stop making you ask to go to the bathroom after like kindergarten.

>>12422692
Hearty keks anon

Pic of frog would be a cherry on the cake

>>12422947
OP here. This is the last known picture, cropped myself out.

>>12422988
Fucking kek, you took this thread from gold to platinum anon

>>12422988

>>12422988
>its actually real
Haha holy shit
Based anon

>>12422988
this is the funniest shit I've seen on here in ages

Bumping for keks

>>12422580
You sound absolutely insufferable

>>12415511
audibly kek'd
>>12415720
darkly humorous
>>12416579
you invaded their natural habitat
>>12416626
>BBBBBBBBBBRR-OH FUCK!! OH SHIT!! OH MOTHERFUCKER!!
best part
>>12416671
based chad
>>12416789
based
>>12418058
based
>>12418069
who the fuck uses filler words in essays?
>>12418434
that was nice
>>12419276
based (You) rejecter
>>12419338
one of the best here
>>12419353
great story but the guy didn't need to dress up. Sounds like an excuse for being a fag
>>12419866
is that actually what they researched?
>>12420520
he's not wrong
>>12422580
we get it, you want to fuck her
>>12422659
i had a professor that would show crash course videos
>>12422692
this is so autistic I thought it wasn't real

overall great thread

Had a substitute teacher start talking about the problems with Islam and why it shouldn't be allowed into the west back in middle school. Told us stories about women being forced to marry their rapists and shit. Never saw that guy again. This would have been in like 2007.

>>12419881
chill out nerderino, thank god it's not cofee/iq/programming language thread

>>12423322
Replying to everyone is basically avatar fagging. We know you just want your posts to be considered together to paint a portrait of yourself.

>>12422722
Thanks for that. I’ll try not to be pedantic and trite because that seems to be off putting

>>12422692
Embellished at the end but funny

>>12422580
>chinese girl starts stomping her feet and crying because i coloured cells yellow in excel 3 times
kek

>>12422701
this

>>12419525
Based autist professor. He s one of us

>>12423230
yeah absolutely and intentionally so, they were autistic/chinese, completely humourless and the lab was a farse

>>12422146
Based civilized monster prof

>>12422692
This is screenshot material

>>12422692
>>12422988
>*F. R. O. G.* Future Resource of druGs
This is /sci/ canon now

>>12420912
what the fuck are you talking about? you're a newfag redditor with a masters

>>12423714
ayyy put me in the screencap

>>12416125
Somebody probably died. :(

Not from a lecture but interesting nonetheless.

>Physics sophomore
>Taking waves and heat course
>We're asked to write a short one page note on the human body as a thermodynamic system.
>The class is taken by "earth" science, math and physics bachelors
>Most earth science students are mathematically retarded beyond help
>We send the goddamn assignment
>A week goes by and shit comes back graded
>Prof kindly asks us to refrain from using terms like chemical energy and such since it's just jargon used by chemical engineers and chemists in general, he'd like to keep things grounded. He also says he hopes to see at least a couple of ideas for a model of energy intake and output, not just a wall of text.
>Who the fuck would've done something like that?
>The fucking earth science retards

Cont.

>>12419525
>acts completely how he wants to
>doesn't give a shit about what norms or society dictates
>lmao he's such a robot

>>12418058
This is the actual sexist shit that keeps women out of places. That's a perfectly normal way for women to talk and they shouldn't be ridiculed for it. Fuck's sake guys.

>>12423956
women are only behaviourally capable of acting like a mature child - it's their nature as they should be raising children until theyre dried up. When you have tons of kids you tend to act like who you're used to being around. Do this since literally the dawn of time and theres your answer. Women are meant to support men, wtf are they doing in a lecture hall, just to throw their eggs into a tampon and trash it? degenerate and community-suicide pilled

>>12422580
You're funny man. Why don'y people like you exist commonly? If I was there I'd probably have a blast, grab a second pipette
>don't worry this will go twice as fast now
KEK

>>12415216
>beginning of first semester CS
>rona fucked the country so all lessons are online
>be me
>introductory CS meeting our lecturers in call
>people are joining and the call is open
>someone notices that everyone has admin permissions
>people start muting the lecturers
>lecturer is some old retard so doesn't realize whats going on and keeps unmuting himself
>people start posting the call link around the internet
>some guy with a george floydd profile picture joins
>turns on his mic and camera
>we suddenly all see pewdiepie
>"what a fucking nigger"
>the call goes crazy
>teachers face goes pale
>someone says based in the chat
>call ends

>>12419761
They do it all through secondary school in American public schools. I hate having to tell freshmen they can go to the bathroom. They even ask on Zoom.

>>12416707
your prof sounds like a massive faggot

>>12423937
Cont.

>Wake up next Wednesday and check mail like usual
>Someone sent the whole physics class an email
>"Eat shit -Profs. Name- "
>Oh boy
>Its a long winded anonymous wall of text regarding how there are *some* in the class who actually know what chemical energy was, unlike him
>Hurr durr you're an asshole by implying engineering and chemistry is somehow inferior because of your comments
>"This is the type of discrimination that's encouraged in acamedia"
>The one that made me kek was a paragraph about how he thought the prof was an idiot for saying we could approximate energy transactions and such between molecules like perturbations in an arrangement of springs since "CLEARLY the human PHYSIQUE is much more complex than that" and that "we should talk about the intake of food to use as energy as what it really was: CHEMICAL reactions that release CHEMICAL ENERGY"
>I was wheezing by this point

A week goes by
>The head of the physics department sends an announcement
>He's my professor
>They traced the email adress of the one who sent the mail
>They say his full name and that he has been suspended indefinitely from his bachelor's program

He was a fucking earth scientist

>be me
>remember every theorem and useful equation that isn't derivable from others I already know for my class
>calc 3 fucking baby tier
>grouped with female japanese human calculator
>tiny blondie
>fat girl
>they want to make a study group
>ask for my number
>"I don't know my number. Of all the interesting numbers mine is not of great significance to me"
>it would be really nice to have you part of the "team" anon
>put out my phone, look in the settings to find out what my number is and give it
>me and the jap have grown close because she's actually good, admits to me that she did all of this stuff in her country already. She's actually in her 20s, but look 16.
>at this time I was actually 16 because I did college early. I had already known all this stuff too and just read a real analysis book on my iPad when I finished early.
>she was surprised to hear because I look like Im fucking 30, full beard, 6'1", play football. (I have a fear of shaving and cutting off my face, only my mom can shave my face for me)
>me and her always compare our results, sometimes I forget a sign, no biggie.
>two white girls fucking lost
>always asking for help
>I'm explaining it and they act like I'm speaking gibberish. have to draw a picture for them and basically do the problem for them.
>just my luck to be stuck with retards
>jap acts like we're best friends, admits she doesn't have a lot of friends here. literally don't care
>ok cool bro
in person classes fucking sucked. Thank goodness for online. I'm 19 finishing my last year.

>>12416044
>2 + 2 = ...2
bros redpill me on this

>>12424047
You are an autism

"Can I use this as a lecturing example for a different class?". I smiled.

>>12424048
In $\faktor{\mathbb{Z}}{2\mathbb{Z}}$

>>12424047
>yeah bro im super smart finishing school early im just so smart bro i and also super manly despite being 19 bro
ok faggot

>>12424055
For real, smart girl, skinny girl and fat girl to choose from and they selected being alone. I fucked more girls when I was 16 and I'm a queermosexual.

>>12424114
cool blog post

>>12424136
There is no need to be upset.

>>12424055
On the final we're allowed a note card for information. watch anime instead of wasting my time on the study guide the prof made for us, skimmed it, think to myself "yeah I could solve all of these". prof is always fucking late. group mates ask what I put on my card. Tell them I didn't make one. They ask how I remember all of this stuff.
>What's your favorite song
>some retard zoomer song I've ever heard of
>what are the lyrics to that song, tell me.
>that's embarrassing anon.
>but you know the lyrics. I see in tv people always remember songs they like.
>well yes.
>just like like that, instead of remembering a song that is subpar I remember information that I like. I mean how can someone remember a random with twice the character space compared to a few basic easily derivable concepts?
actually I'm not an autismo. My mother brought me in when I was a child to see if I was an autismo. And they determined I was not.
I saw the jap once more, she was waving at me and I didn't recognize her, because she looked prettier. She was waving really hard to get my attention. so I turned around to see if there was someone else behind me. there was not. I said "SALUTATIONS... uhhhh..." I forgot her name. Then she said her name. I told her I didn't reognize her because she looked more attractive than before. then she stopped talking for a bit, so I figured the conversation was over and left.
>>12424094
I wish I was smart like Gauss. But I went early because I was bored of high school. Also I stopped playing football after I got a minor back injury. Also I never said I was manly. you're weird.
>>12424114
what do you mean choose from? also I like being alone. very serene.

>>12424114
I bet this is how you finger fucked them too

>>12424155
>My mother brought me in when I was a child to see if I was an autismo.
if there was ever any doubt then you are confirmed autistic.

>>12424168
based?

>>12416789
You wanted to kill yourself cause you couldn't into logic and now you're gonna be a math major?

>>12418069
>forced to find ways around it
What? Who uses filler words in essays? I can't even imagine how that would work

>>12419353
Never happened. 1984 was about totalitarianism, not communism.

>>12424227
which both describes communist russia and nazi germany.
both retarded.

>>12424226
The only thing I can imagine is that she banned words like "like" as filler and students were too stupid to understand that not all uses of the word were banned.

>>12415720
>chinese professor
Do americans really?

>>12419379
why is this so funny

>>12424047
>have to draw a picture for them
fuck off, pictures help with understanding a lot

>>12424248
>be math grad
>have friend in intro abstract algebra
>one day he asks me what "transpotations" are
>you mean permutations, right?
>no, transpotations

An AMS group II school is letting a Chinese guy teach undergrads that permotitions are sums of transpotations.

>>12424267
pictures should be able to be trivially cognized.

>>12419234
Absolutely based madman.

>>12424281
I have to translate text I read into pictures to remember

>>12424269
he's probably not saying "transposition" correctly.

Any permutation can be expressed as the composition (product) of transpositions—formally, they are generators for the group.[

>>12424295
I know bud, I have a math degree.

>>12424288
ok

>>12424048
the (((x))) don't want you to know

>>12419492
kek, this was the case in my fluid mechanics course until the professor got uberpissed at this one girl who wanted to get 10 points back because she felt that the error she made in assuming the second derivative of a function was the square of the first derivative was a minor error and not worth a 10 pt deduction.
Our professor got so pissed he copy pasted her email to him, sent it to all of us, wrote an additional 2 paragraphs about how mad that made him, and took off 10 more points from her exam

>>12424389
That's actually fireable behavior. Totally unprofessional.

>>12415487
>She was great, caught her using GC-MS to try and identify what mystery oreos were once
That's pretty awesome

>>12418069
My ENG Comp 1 prof banned the word "is" in all essays my freshman year. It is extremely challenging to write essays without that word.

>>12424520
sed / is / could conceivably be /

>>12422846
Weird to me that sci can even have oldfags. To me it's still a new board.

>>12424563
I took a break from 4chan once and when I came back /r9k/ had just been rebooted or something. I remember I used to post there and there was a huge influx of what you would now call incels, but they were just robots back then.

nb

>>12424628
Well I didn't originally read it by itself since I was in a class, but I'd say up to section 37 on the Tychonoff Theorem, skipping starred sections, is basically a solid undergraduate course.

good thread, makes me regret spending my years in undergrad taking classes that i don't have to show up in person for

>>12419881
>nnnNNNOOOOOOooo youre not allowed to socialize
fuck off cunt

I was in history class when the professor was talking about the Lincoln Douglas debate. A student chimed in by asking whether Douglas lost because he looked sweaty on television. The entire lecture hall burst out into laughter, including the professor. If I were that questioner, I would probably randomly remember that moment for the rest of my life.

>>12415216
>3rd year QM course
>befriend a student who had transferred from another university
>he had already taken the course, but his credit didn't transfer
>would always ask the most asinine questions just for keks
>asks "Will this be on the test?" at least once a lecture despite the professor repeatedly telling him that anything covered in class could be on a test
>"What does the big "E" thing mean?" (summation)
>"Is Greek a prerequisite for this course?"
>"Did Einstein invent this?"
>etc.
>still aces every assignment and test
>the school launches an academic integrity investigation
>they obviously find nothing
>mfw

>>12424863
This gave me a chuckle. Absolutely based dude

>>12415511
reminds me of my first time teaching in a lecture hall and when i first spoke i screamed so loud the front row got visibly startled

>>12416125
>be grad student teaching math class
>exam
>girl comes up to me after exam crying saying she bombed because she had a miscarriage a couple of days ago

>>12415216
>calc 1
>math dept holds a "derivative bee" contest
>prof offers 5 pts extra credit on next test for each round we make it through + 5 pts just for showing up
>some dude makes it to round 2 but ducks for a meeting before results are announced
>wants all 10 pts
>professor makes him explain to the class
>roasts the dude
>we ultimately voted to give him the points
he was the best lecturer i had in undergrad, always managed to make class enjoyable while also being great at teaching
i know i recorded that but i doubt i still have the file

>>12422580
did you smash?

>she even hit me at one point because she was from hong kong and i said that HK was basically china.

yeah she was definitely down.

>>12424863
>>"Did Einstein invent this?"
holy kek thanks anon, my sides are kill.
knowing the answers to stupid questions decreases stupidity.
>>12424896
why would she confide this information to an captain autismo?
>>12424910
holy shit I wish profs did this kind of shit commonly.

>>12424863
>>"Is Greek a prerequisite for this course?"
Holy fuck. Please tell me you have more from this madlad.

>>12424910
i found the recording
https://www.vocaroo.com/11R4IlFEb1DY
the quality isnt fantastic but you can follow along with it
>so lets explain the situation: you made it to the second round, but you actually didnt do the second round because he was going to talk about...think about...dream about...snowboarding
>>12424935
same, he was the only professor i had who would consider doing this

>>12424155
You sound insanely autistic.

>>12424975
It was a few years ago, but a few more of my favorites that I can still remember:
>asks who eigenvalues are named after
>exclaims that whatever the professor was explaining was "just like in What the Bleep Do We Know?" (from what I recall, this made the professor visibly upset)
>"is it okay to just explain it in words on an exam?
>"would Neil deGrasse Tyson know this?"
The professor was always a good sport about it, and I'm pretty sure he either knew what was going on or just appreciated the break from the monotony of the material.

>>12424982
How so?

>LA class
>retard fatass asks something like "what are the real world applications for all of this" or "when will we ever need this"
>prof looks at him, silent for a few moments.
>I hate it when engineering majors ask this
>turns back around not answering the question and finishing what he was doing.
short but pretty funny.

>>12415216
teacher introduces integral domains as comm rings with no zero divisors and says that the proof of cancellation requires stuff we'll learn later

>>12425104
You may not be diagnosed on general presentation autism but you are definitely on the spectrum. Your social interactions in general, as described by you, have a very poor understanding of other people and relations to you.

>>12425297
like what?

>>12420969
Carlos!

>be me, fresh 18 year old
>new semester is starting, we get a new student in class
>new kid named Jonah in the class, don't think anything of it
>one day teacher has the role call up on the projection board
>Kids name is fucking Jonah Sneed
>Almonds immedietly activated
>class I share with Sneed is Economics, we're talking about supply and demand one day or some bullshit
>teacher uses beanie babies as an example
>I raise my hand and proclaim in front of the whole class, trying so hard to hold back the laughter
>"So, uh, an example is if Jonah [Sneed] had a feed and seed business, which was once owned by his older brother Chuck mind you, that was put out of business from the farmers moving out of town"
>Jonah, who has been at the school for 2 months, is more popular that I have gotton in 9 years, gives a slight awkward chuckle
>I faintly hear laughing girls
>I turn red and the class sits silent for like 5 seconds staight
>Teacher resumes class

>>12424896
Oh god. That reminds me.

>teaching some course where the students have to read a scientific article and then give a presentation on its contents
>it's a mandatory course so students aren't really motivated
>have to schedule a date for every student, and if they miss it they fail the course
>week 2, a girl asks me if she could speak to me in private after class
>class ends and students leave, she stays
>tells me she found out she's pregnant
>she's gonna have it removed, but the appointment is on the date of her presentation
>I tell her it's no problem and we'll just find another day
>the week of her original presentation arrives and of course she's not there
>other students notice and start chatting that she'll fail the class because she missed her presentation
>she obviously told me in confidence so I don't say anything
>a week later she's there again
>the other students start complaining
>they are very confrontational and ask why she gets special treatment
>I try to settle them down and just leave it alone
>they keep pressing, not on me but on her
>she breaks down crying and shouts out to the whole class "I HAD AN ABORTION, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW"
>bolts out the door, crying loudly
>class is dead silent
>she was up to present next but now she's gone
>a student asks if she's now gonna fail because she'll miss her presentation again
Although that last question was kinda funny because it was so inappropriate, I still had to have the guy suspended

>>12415409
You could also make a joke like that when talking about cis and trans isomers

>>12425304
>I told her I didn't reognize her because she looked more attractive than before. then she stopped talking for a bit, so I figured the conversation was over and left.
You didn't seem to realize that she took what you said as saying that she's ugly. Also, awkward silence, and then just walking off is not something normalfags do. They'd usually try to continue with some small talk, or make up some excuse to leave.
I think it's more so that most people have a chip on their shoulder, and so don't like people being too much smarter than them, so they try to bring you down by calling you socially retarded or autistic.

>>12427023
They also don't let anyone but their mom cut their hair and gave the most autistic response to someone asking for a person's phone number that I have ever seen.

It's not about him being smart as just having behaviours and patterns that are, in broad terms, autistic as fuck. I genuinely hope it isn't the case because we need smart socially savy people in the world. But this just ain't it

>>12427001
women shouldn't be in school. She could have mothered that baby but instead chose the lecture hall over her biological calling. what a waste, utter waste.

>>12427138
Waste of what?

>>12416707
why can't people just be nice? would it have killed the guy to say "No, it isn't"?

>>12424628
>what you would now call incels,
No I wouldn't, they're robots.

>>12427146
well, of that baby's life and the mothers continued worship of text and not life. She will suicide by the time of her first thesis because she'll realize what a giant fucking waste it is for her to be there. The Result is no eggs, wine all night, Netflix, and screaming at the cat while being bitter about your friends all getting married.

>>12427517
Sounds like you've lived through such an ordeal.

>>12427138
>>12427517
what a fag

>>12427138
More like uterus waste

>>12427001
>>a student asks if she's now gonna fail because she'll miss her presentation again
Incredibly based fucking lmao

>>12427023
>You didn't seem to realize that she took what you said as saying that she's ugly
but I didn't say that.
>and then just walking off is not something normalfags do
why not? I was already going somewhere, but then a sub event occurred, it was managed and I continued my planned objective.
>They'd usually try to continue with some small talk, or make up some excuse to leave.
what? you think she'd like to have a discourse about the validity of reals?
also why would I excuse myself? I was already going somewhere.
>I think it's ... chip ... autistic
Yeah I have a few theories about human insecurity. I don't really get it though, because I'm usually in competition with myself not other people.
>>12427048
>They also don't let anyone but their mom cut their hair
so?
>gave the most autistic response to someone asking for a person's phone number that I have ever seen.
but it was true. I don't remember my phone number because I don't think it's important.

>>12427530
nope, I havent, but I very frequently see and speak to these women at work. They really let it all out when they're drinking - it's sad to see.

>>12427541
>caries for wellbeing of community and country
>fag
Found the English major

>get assigned to groups for coursework
>groups have to do a 5 minute PowerPoint presentation
>the day arrives
>our group does a fairly good presentation
>another group does theirs (we'll call them Phil, Carol and Joe)
>realise the PowerPoint is going to be special because of the amount of transitions they have and how aesthetically bad it is
>Phil does his part OK, probably because he was carrying the team
>Carol does her part, and it's legendary
>is bombastic, full of energy, but I cannot understand a word she's saying because of her thick Nigerian accent
>people watching are trying hard not to laugh
>goes to Joe, who's is mumbling, stands completely still, but also has a Nigerian accent
>goes back to Carol, who just continues doing what she's doing
>didn't even finish the PowerPoint because it went to 8 minutes and the lecturer said that's enough
>lecturer later said "I'll be marking you all differently depending on how much effort you put into the project"
>Phil immediately goes to talk to him

>>12428021

>>12415216
It was a high school lecture so idk if it counts
>On ethics class
>Teacher is a black boomer
>"For this class were watching a movie and then I need a essay on it for the next class"
>Movie is some hollywood shit about niggers progressing or something, think it was coach carter
>About 15 minutes in the movie goes bust, dvd can't read cd anymore
>Teacher says it's no biggie, he will just use another movie
>Takes coach carter out and puts another movie in
>It's another movie about niggers "taking a stand" or some other bs
>Italian dude in class very loudly complains
>"for fucks sake not another dumb nigger movie, I couldn't give less of a fuck if you were enslaved in america, in fact I wish you were still enslaved just so I wouldn't have to hear your annoying nigger bitching and moaning"
>Professor goes nuts on dude and calls him a son of a bitch straight up, italian guy quickly retaliates
>"My mom might as well be a whore but at least I have a dad you fucking dirty nigger"

Italian dude got suspended for 3 days, prof got a warning for losing his shit to a student.
This didn't happen in america or europe btw, no pc bs here.

>>12415409
sounds like my computational chem class where we were supposed to find the HOMO in a bunch of orbitals by just looking at their calculated shape. Hilarious hearing people around the computer lab crying about not being able to find the HOMO

>>12428317
dare I say...based Canada?

>>12423956
Everyone speaks like that. Fuck off.

>>12418347
Kek, fuck the other anon this is funny

>>12426328
zoomer humor

>>12419881
Eat shit

>>12424155
>I told her I didn't reognize her because she looked more attractive than before. then she stopped talking for a bit, so I figured the conversation was over and left.
If this isn't proof of autism, I don't know what is

>>12423439
Kek

>>12428317
How did he walk to school every day with those massive brass balls constantly in the way?

>>12415216
>Have same lecturer for majority of lectures one semester
>always in the same room
>I spent 3 months watching that man walk into the same door multiple times a day, because he can't remember it's a pull door
>4 yeas later he's apparently still doing it

>>12423363
feds got to him

>>12415216
>Be me, filthy lab tech while doing my Doctorate
>Doing Hardness testing (engineer fag) experiment as part of 1st year labs
>Machine is an ancient lump from the 60's
>Measure x and y of the indent, average and use a lookup table to convert optical measurement to hardness.
>I did 16 sessions, at least 2 people per session couldn't average two numbers
>one guy feverishly copies down 315/315 = 315 like is fucking magic

only 4 more years to go

>>12415216
>Analytical Chem
>Prof is a notorious gigafag
>favors certain handsome (slightly chinky and white) guys in class
>guys who consult with him are brought to a vacant room
>anyway, gigafag is 15 min late
>everyone already there
>suddenly arrives, all cool
>"sorry for the lateness"
>hooks up laptop to projector
>opens laptop
>GAY FUCKING PORN starts playing
>projected for all the class to see
>we all look at each other
>prof notices
>close laptop
>walk out
Free time that day
>>12415720
Happened to me once
Claimed I have a medical condition
>>12418058
Based
W*man btfo

>>12426328
Lmao well done

>>12419525
>compares himself to Ted Kaczynski
lmao

>first year engineering intro course
>we do fermi problems on fermi fridays its all very fun
>lecture on 9/11
>we have to estimate how many pennies would fit in the world trade center and if their value would pay for the damage
>entire class lol'd
>dumb girl emails the dean about it because it "might have offended someone"
>next lecture prof spends all his time talking about who they should have emailed instead

>>12422580
That's funny but if someone ever wasted an extra second of my time in a 3+ hour lab I would fucking kill them.

>>12429397
Kek, he sounds cool.

>>12427517
>>12427138
do you need somebody to talk to, anon?

>>12429397
kek

>>12429397
....Who should they have emailed?

>>12419881

>>12422580
>chinese girl starts stomping her feet and crying
>she even hit me at one point
I would've jizzed right then and there

>>12422692
fake and gay

>>12424001
fake and gay

>>12415679
classic meme that engineering students peep under stalls in men's bathroom.
can confirm they grab eachothers' dicks at parties

>>12427001
>all adults
>based comment
>gets guy suspended
man, what is wrong with you

>>12428792
I know, and I felt like I was a little too offended after I wrote that, but in the story the professor explicitly said it was something undesirable certain women do.

>sit in back
>minding own business
>get told to put phone away
>tell prof I was playing with my zipper
>whole class goes silent and starts laughing
>guy next to me tells me: "how is that any better?"
feels good man

>>12428792
every uneducated person speaks like that*

>>12420546
>SPY'S SAPPIN MAH SENTRY

>>12429640
What kind of professor tells a student to put their phone away if they're not making noise.

>>12424047
where is the funny, faggot

>>12429657
some oldie Englishman, mind you this is in 2010 when smartphones in class were only beginning to be a thing

>>12429656
apu voice

>>12428317
Argentina?

>>12428317
based

>>12429661
It was when they made me help them.
hahahahhahhahahhahah bwhahahahahhah massive kek.
didn't you read that part?

>>12419353
1984 in third year of uni? What brain dead place do you attend? That book is read in the third year of high school

>>12427855
>caries for
Found the guy who flunked english
Did you at least fuck any of them?

>>12416707
This sounds like my structures teacher
>very difficult grader, last exam had a very low average score
>final class meeting before finals week
>summarizing what material will be covered on the lectures
>student asks what the professor expects the average score to be on the exam
>teacher subtly raises his voice before the student is done speaking
>'I expect the average to be the sum of all scores divided by the number of students.'
>student isn't deterred, tells the professor he is dodging the question
>professor tells him he is dodging his responsibility to know the material

>>12429551
The Based Department

>>12416125
That reminds me
>be grad student giving 2nd year linear algebra tutorial
>this week’s session is a two-part exam, one written, then one oral
>written portion ends
>test was hard as balls (at least for them)
>start joking "yeah... Dr. [lecturer] was pretty heavy handed this time hehe"
>sad faces all around
>one girl starts crying and leaves
>her friend goes after her
>overhear in the hall "This is it. Fuck this program i’mma kms there’s no point"
>still have to go after her to tell her to take the oral section
This is the most uncomfortable situation I have ever been in.

>>12429348
lmfao

>>12429736
Incredibly close but no

>>12429637
you're just digging yourself a deeper hole. The prof is now even more based than before.

>>12429822
if they die, they die. Academia will eats your soul, if not both with your body

>free lecture from nobel laureate John Gurdon (guy who invented cloning) on uni
>broad audience as it's public
>is super cool, talks a bunch about how he was basically expelled from high school biology then went on to receive nobel prize
>lectures on groundbreaking cloning research, basically the diverse pool of histones in cell types are super important for repriming the DNA template
>20 minutes of questions
>some undergrad asks "what is a histone"
>some autist corrects Gurdon on saying "designed" instead of "evolved" lmao
>final question, some autistic german/chinese stands up in back rows, asking "have you considered the different energy states of the nucleus?"
>5 seconds of silence, nobody understands what's going on
>Gurdon answers something along the line of "y-yeah, energy is important"
>dude apparently thought he was talking about atomic nuclei and not cellular nuclei the whole time
>kept blabbering for 2 minutes, someone had to say 'yeah, lets move on to another question'

What an inspirational guy tho, Gurdon. If you have the chance, go see his talks.

>>12416707
that guy is literally me

>>12424269
fug thats good
>>12424896
fug thats bad

also:
had an impressively stupid lab partner
>ask why length measurement is multiplied by mass
>length was measured in meters
>couldn't spell correctly on group reports
>would get PEMDAS wrong
>routinely missed group meetings
>somehow still passed the course

>>12428482
>couldn't find the homo
>(you) were standing right there

>>12429640
fug thats good
>>12429800
fug thats reallll good

>>12430340
If I ever got the chance, what should I ask him anon

short but it was kinda funny i guess
>hall is mostly empty save for some poos congregating up front with me at the back sitting behind a white guy i briefly spoke to earlier
>first day back and the prof is refreshing us on ohm's law with his own abbreviation
>"vulture, indian, rabbit"
>looks like he choked on his own words as he remembers what year it is
>"y-you see.. the vulture is above the indian who.."
>pauses as he says "above"
>white guy in front of me turns around with a shit eating smirk
>stifle laughter as the prof blurts out the rest of his abbreviation to a bored group of poos with extremely insecure body language

>>12429551
idk department heads and shit i muted that lecture

>>12430398
Ask him if he's ever thought about cloning his wife

>>12419525
Prof. AH? Mine is the same sans TK

>>12416125
That's hot

>transferred to state school from community college
>first semester, some intro to environmental studies course
>professor requires us to read 5 books (silent spring, sand county almanac, etc.) and write reports on them
>guy next to me struggling to keep up with every book, always see him studying, assume he is troubled in some way
>day comes to write the report in-class, I never even bothered to look up the book list nor read any of them
>spend entire time writing about ted kaczynski
>professor gives me a 100% for the test, gives the studious guy a 65%
one of the more smug moments in my academic career, for certain

>>12430340
Imagine being someone so passionate and talented about something as this dude, doing a big presentation you spent weeks preparing and then having retarded undergrads ask you nonsense in a vain attempt to appear smart.
I feel for this dude.

>>12429784
I was assigned that to read when I was 11 or 12.

>>12431481
>>12429784
you're kind of late, my mother used to read 1984 to me as bedtime stories

>>12431488
My mom put the audiotape on a walkman and pressed the headphones to her stomach when she was pregnant

>>12429822
>making hot, young undergrads perform oral exams

Based and redpilled

>>12431567
My dad did that to his balls before fucking my mother.

>>12431616
There's a base-4 encoding of a pdf of the book written in my DNA. It's expressed as innate knowledge of the text.

>>12424863
He sounds based.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uslwB3lcF3c

This is me

>>12431658
Orwell himself narrated it while fucking one of my ancestors

>>12425110
This kinda pisses me off though, asking about and understanding the applications of something is a good thing. Why the fuck is knowing how to apply knowledge so vehemently discouraged?

>>12415216
Anything Jordan B Peterson, hilarious.

>>12425029
>>asks who eigenvalues are named after
kek'd

>>12424047
>>12424155
You remind me of myself except I didn't skip school or go to college early.
Though:
>salutations
>I see in tv people always remember songs they like.
Do not sound genuine. For the latter you're going out of your way to explain that you are not socially adept, you could just generalize the information you saw on TV as normal sociality. You don't have to go "look I'm not like you I care so little about social relations I get my information about it from TV".
And no one with an ounce of self-awareness says salutations. Either you are genuinely autistic or you are proud of this behavior and go out of your way to make this clear to other people.

>>12427023
>You didn't seem to realize that she took what you said as saying that she's ugly. Also, awkward silence, and then just walking off is not something normalfags do. They'd usually try to continue with some small talk, or make up some excuse to leave.
This type of person sees no reason to tiptoe around other people's feelings. He thought she looked more attractive in that moment and he did not recognize her, so he said what he thought. Nothing really wrong with that, it can take a lot of unnecessary and arbitrary consideration on your part to care about this stuff when telling the truth is so much easier and more genuine. Small talk is one of those unnecessary and arbitrary things, but I agree he could have said goodbye or something.

>>12415352
shills everywhere

>>12415720
jesus christ.
Even in primary school when you were supposed to ask you'd be based enough to just go without asking right? right??

>>12424047
Yeah dude I was totally a genius in college too pass everything no sweat kept dabbing on the retarded sjw slags and even have a qt jap who is into me didn't notice her though that was beyond my intelligence

>>12431276
nope. JA

>>12431709
revolt against the modern world

>open zoom lecture
>mute professor
>pin hot girl's cam
>jack off

>strength of materials class is being taught by a new adjunct
>never taught a class before.
>doesn't realize that more than half the class is using chegg for every homework assignment
>announces that because everyone is doing so well on the homework the first exam is going to be extra hard
>utterly baffled when half the class gets rekt
Cheaters never win kids.

>>12432669
literally me

>>12419881
I agree I'm not amused by these stories. Worse, all of you sound like shitty human beings. It's not cool to mock an autistic kid as an adult. This just confirms to me that /sci/ is a place where edgy stemlords congregate and actual adults browse /pol/.

>>12433815
nice cope + trump lost

>>12424267
t. Femanon

Professor said if your surname starts from A-K you have to do the test this week, if your surname starts from L-Z you have to do it next week. I asked if I get married to change my surname do I not have to do the test. He said yes, as long as he's invited. Class laughed. That was the only question I asked in my whole time at uni.

I had a professor who walked up to a guy on his phone and told him to get out of his classroom on the first day of lecture.

He was surprisingly young to do something like that, and in general a very eccentric professor who would walk around on tables in order to reenact certain things pertaining to lecture

>>12423900
No, freeloader.

>advanced inorganic chem online class
>pajeet teacher asks question
>no one answer for like 30 seconds
>think "fuck it, i'll do it"
>answer incorrectly because i'm retarded
>teacher reads my answer and says "well, anon, at least you tried..."

I know it wasn't meant in a condecending way, but the way he said it, in his pajeet monotone English made it sound like it was, and I audibly laughed out loud

gonna miss that lil nigga and his powerpoint presentations

>>12426328
SNEED

>>12415216
>be me
>first lecture, gotta find the right lecture hall
>think I've found it
>bunch of students waiting outside
>I ask if they're there for this course
>they say yeah but there's still a class going in the lecture hall
>I go in the hall and ask how long they still need
>the woman lecturing says she needs 5 more min and then they're out
>I figure I'm at the right place and go back out
>students are unsure if it's the right room and there's another room number floating around
>I ask if they're sure it's in the other room
>one guy tells me "no you idiot, it's not there, there's no teacher there either"
>mfw I'm the one teaching the class

>>12434809
i want to see his face when he realized

>>12434809
lol that dude looks like an egg

>>12435048

>first years of biology uni
>that stupid experiment of extracting DNA from strawberries
>professor says we are going to be big boys now so we have to make our first lab log of the experiment like big adults
>he especifically say that we shouldn't feel it up with stupid shit like highschoolers do when they don't know what they are talking about
>do the experiment, write my notes
>later that week our group meet up to write the report
>we do the materials and methods fine but when it gets to results things get retarded
>one the girls wanted to write that "The DNA particles are almost destined to make the genome of life"
>whatthefuckareyoutalkingabotu.jpg
>Tell her that "destined" is not a scientific term and we are not talking about the "genome of life" we are talking about extracting DNA out of a fucking strawberry
>Her friends gang up on me, say that i'm a lazy stupid man that only wants to get this done as fast as possible so I can play videogames
>Tell them that this is not the case and that if you're doing an experiment writting anything out of the subject is at the best faffle at the worst you making shit up
>they say I should leave the group and do it alone then
>I do it
>get a 10
>they get a 7

>>12435129
>women
>emotional response
>name calling
>gangs up on you
>am smarter than a stupid boi
>girls produce shittier mark

Why are there so many scholarships for vaginas now-a-days? They're fucking useless and only succeed with the most assistance

>>12415216

>this teacher is actually useful

>>12422612
based and anvil steel mill pilled

>>12432671
He wasn't actually baffled. He just wanted to wreck a bunch of kids who didn't know what was going on. Otherwise he wouldn't have announced it before.

>>12435155
Top 5 of all my classes (physics and math) have about 2 women on average. That's 40% compared to the 10-20% of the total class. Don't generalize or be mean to women. I like their vaginas and tiddies.

>>12420578
>Boomers are Americans
Nope, the baby boom happened in pretty much every western nation post war.
t. Australian that has had every election of my 37 years decided by fucking boomers

>>12434718
i had a pajeet lab TA with a thick accent once. he always sounded so mean when you made a mistake and would ask "why would you do that?" even though I don't think he really meant to, it was just the best he could do with his english and accent.

>>12420628
>rando convinces abstract algebra professor to have class outside
I always want to confront these grade-school-mindset retards, but I know I'll get shouted down by an army of normalfags who sympathise with them.
>But Mr. Professor, it's sooooo nice out and it's suuuch a nice sunny day! We should have class outside!!
Bitch, this isn't fucking 7th grade. I want to be able to actually sit at a fucking desk, so I can take notes, lay out my papers/books/laptop, and make use of the presentation materials and in-class visuals, without the distractions of nearby traffic and random fuckers walking around with their kids or talking on the phone outside.
100% of the time, it's those braindead media-addicted ADD kids who "can't think without music or the TV on" requesting this shit. Then they spend the entire "outdoor session" just relaxing, closing their eyes, feeling the sun/wind on their face, and "quietly" (I guess they think the ambient noise will conceal it) chatting with their ditzy friends. They then have the fucking nerve to actually ask for the notes for the day because "LOL I guess I was just having such a nice time outside I forgot to take any! Tee-hee!"
So thanks, you cunts. Thanks for fucking up any in-class progress for the day just so we could humor you with a one-hour vacation, because you just couldn't wait until the end of class to take a fucking walk outside.

>>12435333
And they're being carried by the men, of course
Foids hold men back when they go past high school. We need to stop coodling them and let them out in the cold like the men have been for ages, we all know who will survive best.

>>12435430
>>12435553
have sex incels

>>12435430
I have never actually seen a class held outside at a university.

>>12429784
>>12431481
>>12431488
>>12431567
>>12431616
>>12431658
>>12431771
gigakek
I made that up after reading these posts.

>>12422692
based autist

>>12435553
>And they're being carried by the men, of course
What are you on about? Everyone gets the same exam, and has the same resources. You're just coping with the fact that you have an IQ below the average sub-Saharan female IQ.

>>12435430
You sound like the type of faggot that deservedly got beat up in high school every day.

>taking sophomore Curves and Surfaces elective with nothing proof based except one semester of lin alg.
>I'm a dumbass who doesn't even know what the fuck a neighborhood is yet so I just accept that I suck and everyone else (who are all juniors and seniors) is doing better than me.
>midterm comes around, just do whatever I can knowing that there's no chance in hell it gets curved
>suddenly start to hear really deep, rapid gasps from a few desks over
>everyone looks in sheer bafflement as a guy starts fucking hyperventilating from sheer stress at this exam
>professor is an old autistic fuck, has no idea what to do about this
>awkwardly asks the guy if he wants to step outside for a bit to calm down
>dude leaves the room and we immediately hear him start screaming and crying and kicking the railing (we were on the second floor)
>goes on and off like that for at least ten minutes before coming back in
>spends the remaining hour and a half of the exam occasionally crying onto his paper
>later does the same spectacle during the final
I had that guy in Advanced Calc the next year and he was just as unstable there. He would always forget both paper and a pen/pencil, despite those being literally the only things you need to do math. No idea if he passed that curves and surfaces class and I never wanted to risk asking in case it triggered him or something. On a related note, my friend told me a story about how someone in his introductory sets and logic class had to throw up in the trash can from exam stress.
Never discount the chance that someone is fucking up way worse than you or at least handling their fuckups way worse

>>12431571
https://youtu.be/S6kxau0ePlg

>>12423952
I think he means robot in the r9k sense, not NPC robot.

>>12424269
I learned a lot about "Garr's Raw" from a Chinese TA who taught me undergrad electromagnetics

>>12422580
based retard

>>12422580

>Intro Chemistry
>In lab, chemicals we need are in bottles which we're supposed to pour out into a small beaker then pippette out from there
>Wait in line for access to bottle
>some guy is pipetting directly out of the big labeled bottle
>motion for him to stop and tell him he's contaminating the source for everyone else who needs to use it
>He looks at me confused
>explain he needs to pour the solution into a smaller container then pippete from there
>dial-up noises

>>12434809
I always ask other people "Are you here for X class?" when filling into a lecture hall for the first time. I get weird looks every time, yet every fucking 1st lecture, I see people back their bags and leave once the professor turns on the projector and the course title and number is confirmed

College is full of arrogant people who've never had to cooperate or be professional

can we make this thread again?
funniest shit on 4chan in a while. I feel like this easily could've been a rare thread on /b/

>>12432340
:c

>>12432671
i'll stop using chegg for every assignment when professors stop being lazy and doing everything straight out of the textbook. i have professors who directly teach slideshows that are 100% made by textbook publishers

i'll learn, if you teach. if you want to read me the textbook, i'll read you back the solution manual.

>>12429800
I think people shit on undergrads way too much for caring about exams. Of course undergrads care about grades. Each semester costs them thousands of dollars. Undergrads don't get gibs from the university like Post grads do. Also undergrads have 4-5 exams each exam week. If a student knows they only need a 60 to make a B in a class, and they need 96 to make an A,knowing exam averages and curves is useful information to have as they strategize how to spend their time studying for other finals

It's not like you get extra good boy points for making an 87 in a class, when your college uses the A,B,C,D,F system

Everyone just loves to shit on undergrads though

>>12436498
and you're paying how much for this education?
lol

>>12427207
>why can't people just be nice?
Because putting down others who are vulnerable is how 50% of the human population derives immense satisfaction

It's just how the world works. You can't show weakness or timidity around normalgroids. Theyre like sharks who smell blood in the water.

>>12436556
Education is free, self study is a great way to learn. The paper that says "degree" on it is not so free. And that piece of paper is how you get a job

>>12420520
Modern architecture is so annoying. Glass everywhere. Every building is a panopticon. Completely ntended to make you feel like a prisoner with no privacy, I'm sure. I worked a co-op in a building built in the 50s. It was so comfy. I could hunker down at a real desk in a real room and get work done. There were actual walls. That were opaque. There were even office chairs . Was Not some trendy retarded open office with little cuck beanbag chairs and chairs with no support

>First semester organic chemistry
>girl asks "is there a technical difference between cyclohexane and hexane"
>...
>"Ummmmm. . . one is a ring and one is a chain"
>"Yeah but like, what is the technical difference"
>"I don't understand, that is the technical difference"
>"Like how can you identify if a molecule is a ring or chain?"
>"One is a closed ring and one is an open chain. Technically the ring will have two fewer hydrogens"
>"Ok so I should look for alkenes with two fewer hydrogens than the normal alkene formula?"
>...
>"Uhhhh, no? Talk to me after class"
God bless my professor, she asked a question of this level every meeting.

>>12436480
>entertain me!
>more more. Give me more!

>>12437707
Yes.

>>12436459
>lab tech for first year chem labs
>put our reagents in dispenser bottles to stop this
>doing a lab with an electrochemical cell
>in the fumehoods are the solutions of metal ions
>at the desk infront of the lab tech station are the pieces of solid metal and the multimeters
>heard multiple groups wondering how to get 20mL of copper while looking at the copper strips
>one girl picked up a multimeter held it up to her group and asked "is this a buffer?"
>no one knew so she turned to me and asked
>I just stared at them, was too shocked to actually be helpful

Another time:
>different semester this time working as lab demonstrator
>first year units aren't marked by how close they get to the actual result because we know there's going to be cross contamination from other groups and fuck ups along the way
>still had groups try to cheat and falsify their results
>when I noticed I would specifically mention to them that we don't mark based on the results but the method then give them time to write shit down properly before coming back to mark
>they still tried to fake their results

>students would get marked on prework
>usually simple things aimed at getting students to understand what they're going to do in the lab so that they're not going in blind
>takes <2 minutes to do the questions/draw a simplified flow chart of what you'll be doing
>would mark students at the start of the lab
>see they missed something or got an answer wrong
>guide them to the correct answer then say I'll come back to mark them after I've checked everyone else
>half the time when I come back they still haven't fixed their answer
I never felt bad about giving students a hand because the legitimate retards have such a bad case of learned helplessness that they wouldn't be able to get a passing mark if you left them in a room with all the answers.

>multiple occurrences where we specifically tell students not to do X because it'll fuck everything up
>half the groups do X and fuck up

>>12437755
reminds me of this

>>12437866
I love first years. It's a good reminder of how the obvious to us comes across to laymen.
I still think not knowing what either a multimeter or a buffer is while already being a young adult and at uni for a couple months is inexcusable though.