/sci/ - Science & Math

Bullshit.

spoiler, jesus dies

Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren;
And Judas begat Phares and Zara of Thamar; and Phares begat Esrom; and Esrom begat Aram
And Aram begat Aminadab; and Aminadab begat Naasson; and Naasson begat Salmon
And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab
and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse; / And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias
And Solomon begat Roboam; and Roboam begat Abia; and Abia begat Asa
And Asa begat Josaphat; and Josaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Ozias; / And Ozias begat Joatham; and Joatham begat Achaz; and Achaz begat Ezekias
And Ezekias begat Manasses; and Manasses begat Amon; and Amon begat Josias
And Josias begat Jechonias and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Babylon
And after they were brought to Babylon, Jechonias begat Salathiel; and Salathiel begat Zorobabel
And Zorobabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Eliakim; and Eliakim begat Azor
And Azor begat Sadoc; and Sadoc begat Achim; and Achim begat Eliud
And Eliud begat Eleazar; and Eleazar begat Matthan; and Matthan begat Jacob
And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.

>>1163009
/thread

sage

be a good boy

Don't worry, be happy

God makes man. God gets pissed at man a bunch of times and kicks his ass each time. God makes a tiny version of himself to sacrifice to himself to make him less pissed.

God is very bipolar.

>>1163022

Well over 100 but still good

Live a happy life without making other people unhappy, and do your best to make other people happy. Here are some guidelines to help you out with that, and some stories to explain these points in more depth.

>>1163035

http://www.the-atheist.com/bible-quotes-to-live-your-life-by/

bullshit

>>1163026
>>1163023

both contenders

>>1163042

Alright, ignoring Leviticus and the end of Exodus....

>>1163065

lawl

Ten Commandments -

"Don't be a dick"

>>1163006
Some people thought a snake spoke to them and started tripping on some bad ass apple and then there was a lot of incest and kin killing, god wasn't best please with this shit so he drowned everything but one dude and his family and a travelling circus then shit repeats and then there's some dick writing bout how sex is wrong and shit and jesus shows up then dies the lives again and them some dude in a cave tripping balls writes about armaggedon, which incidentally was fucking cool.

FUCK DEM DESERT MUSHROOMS WERE DELISHUS LETS WRITE A BNOOK

>>1163103

I officially present you with a cookie good sir

>>1163117
Sweet.

WAIT

What kind of cookie...

I knew someday being a catholic for most of my teenage life at two catholic schools would come in handy, apart from arguments with creationists.

In the beginning, there was God, and God made everything. Years passed and Noah and his family repopulated Earth. Then Moses led the Jews. Jesus was then born, died, and resurrected. Then a bunch of people started spouting bullshit that Jesus himself never even said. We will all die awesomely.

>>1163127
Plot holes.

Plot holes fucking everywhere.

>>1163125

Raisins motherfucker muahahahah

>>1163185

God made a marble, put shit on a marble, then knocked up a bitch who gave birth to a zombie who people said nice things about so his father wouldn't nuke them from orbit.

>>1163146
The Bible IS one giant plot hole.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar_k8JjVWQA

OK.
So.
The Great Creator Being created a universe. People came to be. The being saw that they were being assholes to each other and told them to stop. They didn't listen. Time and time again, they ignored the Being. So he came down as one of them and they killed him. So he said "man, fuck those niggas, they'll behave maturely if they want to. I'm not gonna force them."

>>1163006
I have it.

Jew mythology.

Shitty authors throughout the centuries contribute to what is arguably one of the first pieces of fiction and incidentally one of the worst.

They eventually realize they would make more money selling it as non-fiction.

Years later the author of 'A Million Little Pieces' learns the same lesson, but gets screwed over because people call him on it.

Good bedtime story for Mary Magdalene's baby, Jesus.

>>1163006
jesus wept.

>>1163006
Challenge accepted.

The Bible: A system of control.

- fin -

>>1163006
ok:

you should feel very bad about being human and give the church all your monies.

The bible is the holy grail of early technological involvement of superior races in human history, mired by unscientific conclusions of ancient observers of said spectacular phenomenon, a symbol of rebellion, to be later embraced by angsty know it all punk nose youth when they realize how quickly pure science reached its limits.