/sci/ - Science & Math

I wasted 2 years on it. Stopping made me think I was a lazy, useless failure.
>If I cannot even perform this simple ritual, how can I expect to do something great if I'm this lazy?
I would say this to justify it. It's a toxic thought. I would also rationalize it by thinking
>The suffering from this will pay off when I move to university etc..
It didn't. I just realized that I wasted a lot of time, and it was probably a defense mechanism from PTSD-related anxiety from domestic violence throughout my life.
So much time and energy was wasted. Imagine if I learned a language or studied mathematics with all of those hours wasted on rituals.