/sci/ - Science & Math

>>9079565
I never felt that I thought normally. I sometimes wished that someone could kill me or set me on fire when I was 5. Nobody could explain why I thought that and left it to me having a vibrant imagination. I remember when some little girl on the news got set on fire inside a trash disposal and I literally told the teacher "I wish that would happen to me" and they would shake their head which confused me. I have always been interested in science. I learned how to read when I was 2 and could understand numbers and symbols better than words. Not because of the visual aspect but because they represented meaning to me simply. Like the number '2' could me separate pencils that are their own entity. But are no more than a thing and the other. I always thought that other kids liked me even when I even thought they despised me. It was a strange dilemma. I lied every day I came from school that I had a good day. I would start coughing very loudly so I would be sent home because I couldn't stand people looking at me. It felt like the students hated me, the teachers hated me, my mom hated me, but at the same time I thought I enjoyed everything and that every kid at school was my friend. I would be bullied constantly for being insanely different from everyone I met which put the dilemma on the extreme. I would go off the gradiose delusions and utter insane depression by middle school. This had nothing to do with mood as I would be normal otherwise. So I don't really have bipolar that is rapid cycling. It's more on the line of my thinking being very heavy and unstable. I lived with my mom for 7 years who was mentally ill herself. She wanted to shelter me from people and told me not to talk to strangers because everyone is a criminal who would want to hurt me for no reason.
It was until that I started having hallucinations that people thought that something wrong.

>>8854145
>>8854493
I know for sure it's pseudoscience but I like to post the pic because I think it's on to something sort of speak. I even have more from the same source.

>>8750935
Same source: comparison between the psychotic spectrum and autism spectrum