/sci/ - Science & Math

A 20 year old onlyfans model is making 90k USD or more per year while I am some 22 year old male chemistry undergrad student (Canada) who still lives with his parents because I can't even afford student housing nor a car for myself thanks to the student loans and grants financially raping me in the present and in the future. I feel like I am nothing but some meaningless weak ant that can be crushed by anyone's sole, I hate myself and my life. I am grateful for nothing. And here I am, spiraling in the turmoil of my insecurity and self hatre. All in the while these models who are even younger are make a fortune and I am hunched over my desk studying about organic reaction mechanisms and IR graphs.
What the fuck do I do /sci/ bros? What's the purpose of investing my time and money to science in this God-forsaken bullshit society we live in? What's the point of even getting educated? Trained? Employed? At this point I am questioning why the fuck I am alive, sometimes I just want to blow my brains out by taping my head to a timed pressure cooker bomb filled with ammonium nitrate, nitrocellulose and nitroglycerin while sedated on diethyl ether and diphenhydramine in the middle of the fucking nowhere to end my suffering at least with my knowledge in chemistry. At least I don't waste my money on these whores but holy shit knowing their existence just makes me beyond suicidal.